Independent Lens

[upbeat music] - Do you consider homosexuality a disease?

- No, I don't.

It's a sin.

That's not my standard, but it's God's standard.

- God's word is clear.

Homosexuality is an abomination.

[applause] - It always came do wn to, Tammi, you have to make a choice.

The inner part of you who has submitted itself to God has to make the choice to override the flesh.

If you choose to be with women, you might as well throw yourself off of a cliff.

[soft music] - The Bible says that our life has seasons.

There's a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to sow and a time to reap.

Every experience I've been through and my unwavering love for the Lord prepared me for this season.

- I do not believe that we should condone it as an acceptable, alternate lifestyle.

It is not that.

It's moral perversion.

- God did not place something in your genetic code that would destroy your soul.

You decided to be that way.

But I have good news for you.

You can be free.

[applause] - Can you imagine your child burning for eternity?

- If my son's going to hell for being gay, then I need to stand up and fight for him like my hair is on fire.

- The Bible tells us some are born this way and some are made this way, and my child is fearfully and wonderfully made.

My child was born fo r a time such as this.

Once you know how important fighting for your kid is, you can't do anything else but fight for them.

[ducks quacking] - No!

[laughing] - Wait, wait, wait.

Early, early - No!

- No, I don't want to restart.

- Ahh!

- No!

I love it.

I get a little monkey.

- Oh, did I hear thankfulness?

- Thank you.

- Yes, you did.

- [laughs] - Thank you, Mama.

- You're welcome.

Okay, look at me.

We need to get our teeth brushed, so we can get dressed and get to church.

- Hey, Mommy!

Mommy!

Mama.

- Come on, Kai, let's get your hair done.

- Okay.

- Can you pull your messy bun out?

[chuckles] - Thank you.

- How much do you weigh?

- How much do I weigh?

- Yeah.

- How much do you weigh?

- Uh, I don't know.

It changes every day 'cause I lose weight every day, because I move so much.

- Well, if you'd stop losing the weight, maybe Mommy would quit finding it.

You know, Mama is a really good boy mom.

You deserve a way better girl mom.

[laughs] When Kai was born, I was leading a ministry at Lakewood Church for pregnant women and their families teaching Christ-centered childbirth and biblical parenthood, stay-at-home mom, raising my kids, and serving in the church.

I think if you took a Southern Baptist and their love for the scripture and you took a Pentecostal charismatic who, you know, believes in the power and the authority of scripture and laying of hands and you put them in a paper bag, and you shook them up, you would have me.

I just knew that it was my duty as a Christian woman and a mother to vote a straight ticket for the Republican Party so that we could try to get this Christian nation back living by the Bible.

- I have two Bibles.

I have three Bibles.

Isn't that amazing?

I have three Bibles.

- What's your favorite book in the Bible?

- [whispers] Esther.

- What's your favorite book in the Bible?

- Esther.

- [laughs] Why?

- E-S-T-H-E-R. - And why is Esther your favorite?

- 'Cause--um, there's loads of things.

Her pretty necklace.

She became queen.

Because of her story, because she helped people.

And... let's see, that's basically it.

- Come get your shoes.

- OK.

I'm wearing heels.

Those are falling apart.

- At that time, my beliefs about the LGBTQ community or people who chose to be gay were that we needed to help them see the truth to save them from going to hell.

[light music] I remember even thinking before Kai was three that, I think this kid might be gay.

- She wasn't acting like a Christian, and she was yelling and spanking me when I was acting like a girl and stuff, and playing with girl stuff, and having girl friends.

And I was praying that she would know that I was a girl.

- From the very beginning, this child acted very different than my other boys, very geared to wards toys and things that female children gravitate towards.

- When you're sad... it turns blue when you're sad.

- What turns blue?

- Her hair bow.

I wish I could have that hair bow.

I told my mom, "Mommy, you know I'm not a boy.

You know I'm a girl."

That was when I was three years old.

- We started praying fervently, Googling conversion therapy and how can we implement these techniques at home?

Putting her in time-out fo r acting like a girl, putting her in time-out for stealing girl toys, spanking her, really spanking her every time she would say, "You know I'm a girl."

Yet she persisted.

- My birth certificate said I was a boy.

Do I look anything like a boy?

No, I do not.

- Kai is the strongest-willed person I have ever known.

No matter what the consequences were, she never backed down fr om who she is.

[birds chirping] [bell tolling] [soft music] - I was born an d raised in Oklahoma.

I'm a woman of faith.

When we moved into the neighborhood, I got plugged into the church, and I loved every aspect of it.

I love the scriptures.

I love prayer.

When the church doors were open, we were there.

I'm making a video.

I am a friend of God.

Hey, everybody's a friend.

Let me zoom in.

OK, there you are.

Oh.

It was the hub of activity in our neighborhood.

And we didn't have same-sex couples.

At that time, I thought it was pretty open-minded until it was my son.

- I think a lot of gay people-- gay children raised in the church--I mean, we read the Bible probably more than anyone else, you know?

We're searching.

We're praying for something.

There's really not a verse in there for us, you know, as far as just, "Hey, you're okay."

It instills in you th at you're not welcome.

It instills in you that God's love does have a limit.

[upbeat guitar music] This is Parker Cunningham, and this is Crestwood's Morning News.

Life discipleship training is February 12th.

It's our Sunday night discipleship program.

- I just didn't think that God would allow him to be gay.

He was raised in the church.

He knew the scripture.

And we absorbed this idea that it was the ultimate of offenses.

And why would you choose that?

- I think Sara didn't want to know Parker was gay, you know?

I don't know how she could have missed it.

- Thank you for your expert opinion.

- The amount of times at church, "If you have something weighing on you, come down to the front," and I would just go, and sob, and break, just broken.

And to think, you know, how important that was to take that off and to expose yourself and say, "You know, I feel broken, please help," and just to know that someone never saw that.

[soft piano music] - Parker was trying to have the conversation with me.

He might have been 15 at the time.

And I could feel the frustration growing inside of me, and I said, "Just don't be gay.

Just do not be gay."

And he reared back at me, and he said, "I'm trying not to.

"I'm trying not to be.

I have tried not to be."

- It was in junior high, and I remember the exact moment.

At the time, I was playing on the basketball team, and we were practicing.

One of the cheerleaders walked into the room.

And I remember the feeling that came over me.

And in my mind I said, "There is something wrong with me."

[laughs] I can remember being younger an d being around my girl cousins and them being into the Barbies and the hair.

And they wanted to do the fake nails, and they had all the posters on their walls of the newest boy groups.

And me, I had posters of Queen Latifah, and Nia Long, and Angela Bassett.

Like... [laughs] It wasn't until later down the line I was like, "Oh, no, that was attraction.

Like, I was crushing on them."

[laughs] But in the culture that I grew up in, if you were gay, it meant that you were not a Christian and you lived this lifestyle outside of the church, outside of relationship with God, because it was an abomination.

When I started to understand what was happening in me, it wasn't something that I could go to my family about.

So I went to the only place I knew I could take it, and that was to God, wh ere I would just pray, "God, take it away.

"God, fix it.

God, come on, help me out here."

- So we need to divide the meat up, like on half and half.

- This is my package for this meat?

- Yeah.

- OK. - Just put half of it.

- Whoa, I actually have to touch it.

- And then make sure you wash your hands afterwards.

- Will do.

All right, watch out, boys.

You don't want to get the meat juice on you.

Mmm, does it look tasty?

- Mm-hmm.

- It does?

Mom, is that enough?

- Yeah, that should be enough.

Remember when we had the personal trainer and he said to eat, like, so many ounces of chicken and vegetables?

- Uh-huh.

Yeah.

- And I think he said-- what's that quinoa or whatever?

I'm not eating that.

- [laughs] - When I did talk with my parents about my attraction, they would explain that there's a lot of things that they may have wanted to do or liked to do, but they made the choice to not do those things.

And homosexuality was put into that same category.

It was deny, deny, deny.

You can say I struggle with homosexuality, or I struggle with attraction towards women.

But the moment I say, "No, this is who I am" is where we had a problem.

- I'm a Christian.

I love the Lord with all my heart and soul.

[soft piano music] I grew up in Church of God in Christ.

It's a Pentecostal church.

It's mostly African American with a lot of bylaws, and rules, and regulations.

My father was a minister.

My mother wa s a devout Christian.

They grew up devoted to the church, to God, and to their understanding of God's word.

When she told me that she was gay, I can remember just crying for days.

I felt like there was a big old sign hanging over my head saying, "You're a Christian, "and your daughter is gay.

You failed."

And the whole world was gonna judge me.

My thoughts was all about me, and it wasn't about my daughter at all.

And that I regret.

- One, two, three.

Oh, big boy.

Hold on, where's Mommy?

- We're here?

- Yep, we're here.

Hand.

- She loves God with all her heart.

- Not too cold.

You ready really?

- But I just can't sit here with all confidence and say that there's such thing as gay Christians.

- I want to go up there.

- You want to go where?

- I have a hard time with that.

I'm not gonna condemn anyone else if that's their belief.

I have a hard time with that.

- I see you, TJ.

Here I come.

- But God gave me a choice to accept Him.

So I give my daughter a choice.

- Ready?

One, two.

Hold on, here we go.

[both screaming] Let me know when you're all done.

Your nose is running, TJ.

- I know some Christians would probably say, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, mm-mm.

I do not follow that belief."

But that is my girl, and the fact that she is gay has no bearing on my love for her.

- Oop, watch your head.

- All done.

- Whoa.

- Pull up your pants, Terrell.

Pull up your pants.

[laughter] Papi, over here.

- Over here, Terrell.

- Terrell, over here.

Come on, over here.

- I'm coming.

[wind chimes clanging] - Where's Kaleb?

- I think he's hiding from you over by my rocking chair.

- There he is.

[stuffed animal squeaking] - You want a lemon drop, Kai?

You want some?

- No.

- I was making it into a triangle.

- She's a scaredy-cat.

- When Kai was about four years old, she prayed an d said she would like to go home and be with Jesus and never come back.

All of the things I had learned about transgender children having a 41% risk of attempting suicide came flooding back.

- "If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide," those words written on a Warren County teenager's Tumblr page.

- Leelah Alcorn, a transgender 17-year-old, stepped in front of a tractor trailer about four miles from her home outside Cincinnati.

- In her note, Alcorn wrote she felt like a girl trapped in a boy's body but that her family, "Wanted me to be their perfect little straight Christian boy.

"The only way I will rest in peace "is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was."

- I read about Leelah Alcorn and what she wrote.

"Christian parents don't do this to your kids."

And I realized I had a four-year-old who would rather go be with Jesus forever than stay here and have to live as a boy one more day.

You have to choose, Kimberly.

Do you want a dead son, or do you want a living trans daughter?

Isn't that my T-shirt?

- Yes, I'm using it as a dress to sleep in.

- Run for it!

- Well, that's my T-shirt.

- I'm going to sleep in it as a dress.

- I started to realize that when science and the Bible seemed to conflict, it's either my interpretation of the scientific data that's wrong, or it's my interpretation of the scripture that's wrong.

And what I discovered is, when you really get down to the truth of both, they actually don't conflict.

The Bible tells us not to call unclean what He has made clean.

So if science says that my daughter was born transgender, that means that the Lord knit her together in my womb that way.

And whether religious people di sagree with me or not, I have to hold firm in the truth.

And that is that she was fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, and she was born transgender.

I knew that I was choosing life for my kid.

Then the struggle became, how the hell do I walk this out?

How am I gonna tell my mom?

How am I gonna te ll my sisters?

They are never gonna be OK with this.

I already knew because they're just like me.

I started getting messages from people from my church that they don't know how I let the devil have me.

People in my family started texting me that they wanted to call CPS and have my kids taken away from me.

I had a text message fr om a relative saying, "We're trying to figure out how to have you committed."

Your best friends that you have been through thick and thin with now suddenly believe that you're the enemy and that you're going to hell and you're taking your kids with you.

I come from a really large Southern family, like five living generations.

I have two cousins that still speak to me, and I have one brother that tries really hard.

And that's what I have left.

All of this is just happening when you needed them the most.

We've been through the crying season of losing everyone.

And I know that the Lord tells us that He will give us beauty for ashes.

And we are certainly leaving behind a mountain of ashes.

- I feel like my whole life ha s been trying to prove that I can make the right choice to be worthy of heaven.

I chose my college be cause in their bylaws you could not be acting LGBT.

I meet this girl, and she be comes my best friend.

And so from that day, we started doing everything together.

I would sleep in her dorm room.

She would sleep in mine.

Eventually, the friendship became more than just friendship.

And this went on for four years without anybody knowing.

I said, we were Bible study leaders by day, and then lovers by night.

So... [laughs] We would do things, and then we would feel guilty.

So it would end up wi th us crying, reading Psalms 51, which is a prayer of repentance.

"Give me a clean heart, oh , God, and renew a right spirit within me."

It ended when my best friend met a man.

And he said, "God told me I'm your husband."

And so in the matter of a day, it was, "Tammi, me and you are done."

I went through an emotional breakdown.

I was underneath my bed crying and screaming.

I just didn't know how to get out of this dark space.

And I couldn't fight anymore.

This is me.

I'm gay.

Maybe I'm not meant to be a Christian.

And I tell God, "I believe in You, "and I believe You're all powerful, "but apparently me an d you aren't supposed to be working together."

And I walked away from Him and began to live an out, gay lifestyle.

- For years and years I was confused - Parker took a stand as a gay man when he turned 21.

- I said, "Mommy, I met someone, "and I need you to be cool about it.

"Try not to be the person that I fear "that you're gonna be when these two worlds collide."

- She became physically ill. She stayed in bed, did not go to work.

I don't think she ate or bathed for a few days.

And she cried days and days on end.

- I remember it was at least two months of just floating like a spirit through the house.

She just wasn't there.

And if anything, my mom has always been present, even if it was over-present.

So to see her completely gone, is-- was terrifying.

So I went into her room.

All the lights are off.

I can hear her breathing.

- He laid down beside me, and he said, "Mommy, are you gonna be OK?"

And I said, "Yeah, I just got to wrap my head around this, Parker."

And he said, "I understand.

"But, Mommy, you got to understand, "I sucked it up for 21 years be ing your son.

I need you to suck it up an d be my mom."

I didn't know where to turn.

I just wrestled wi th everything.

I had to re-examine everything that we believed and why we believed it.

I needed to hear from someone who shared my faith, "It's OK to search this out."

But the church didn't kn ow what to do with us.

I found an article about Linda Mueller Robertson.

They had the very best intentions for their son, and part of that journey for them was a type of conversion therapy.

- When I think back on the fear that governed all my reactions during those first six years after Ryan told us he was gay, I cringe as I realized how foolish I was.

We told our son that he had to choose between Jesus and his sexuality.

We had unintentionally taught Ryan to hate himself.

So as he began to use drugs, he did so with a recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety.

By the time our son called us, after 18 long months of silence, God had completely changed our perspective.

As our son pursued recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, we learned to truly love our son.

And then one evening that was supposed to be simply a night at the movies turned out to be the first time he had shot up in months and the last time.

Ryan died on July 16, 2009.

What we had wished for, prayed for, hoped for, that we would not have a gay son, came true.

- And I reached out to her from one mother to another because I just knew what it cost her.

She told me about a private online Facebook group for moms with LGBTQ kids.

And she said, "Would you like to be a part of that?

"It's a safe place, and it's a support system "for moms like us.

"And we're working together to make the world a kinder, safer place for our children."

- Well, you know, I think what we're discovering too is, the church is not just that building.

It's not just that denomination.

But the church is wherever we make it.

One of the main message of the Mama Bears that we try to get out there is, you are not alone.

You're not alone.

- You are not alone, yeah.

- The journey is completely different when you walk it by yourself and you walk it with this community of Mama Bears.

I mean-- - When I first joined the group, there were 250 moms there.

And I remember one time a mother, she said, "I just heard the words, 'Mom, I'm gay.'

"And I don't even know how to pray anymore.

I don't even know how to breathe."

And then all the moms chime in.

All 250 of them chime in and say, "Then you don't.

You let us breathe, and you let us pray for you."

And that was my first picture of community and knowing that you're not alone and just a wellspring of support.

And if that can't breathe life into you, I don't know what would.

- Oh, my gosh.

I mean, I wasn't there, and I'm... - Yeah, yeah.

- Like, tearing up over here.

- So when we're angry at the church, it's us as individuals that are causing the harm or providing the good.

- These leaders have so much influence, and their message is literally killing LGBT people, especially LGBT youth.

[soft piano music] - It was really hard to find another Christian that I could relate to until I met the Mama Bears.

We are 11 minutes from here.

- Oh, my gosh, that's fantastic.

- Mama Bear tribe is really what turned me into an advocate.

They made me brave.

- People become so empowered in this group, getting involved politically, starting GSA, starting PFLAG chapters, starting groups at their churches.

- They gave me other examples of mamas who were gonna do whatever they had to do for their kid, and they didn't have to throw Jesus out the window to do it.

Instead, Jesus is the reason that we can do it.

- I just wanted to say welcome to all of you.

Thank you for being here tonight.

I love every single one of you.

I love your kids.

And Mama Bears rock.

[applause] [thunder rumbling] - Sushi for me.

- OK, we'll share.

Hold on.

- Yeah, give me some noodles.

- Is that enough noodles to start with?

- Yeah.

- And there's a shrimp right there.

- These orange things are fish eggs.

I don't know why I like 'em.

- [laughs] They're pretty good?

- They make-- they're the best touch on it.

- They are?

- Mm-hmm.

- Kaleb, what are you doing?

- Nothing.

- What do you mean nothing?

Are you sure?

- Mom, where are the wipeys?

- Mama.

- Mama, where are the wipeys?

- Just go wash your hands, please.

- Ooh.

- Well-- - Mm-hmm.

- And what if she-- - Kai.

Come here.

No, over here.

- Hey.

Hey.

- Here.

[birds chirping] All right, come on.

Let's get dressed for school.

What are you gonna wear today?

What are you gonna wear it with?

The tan dress or the blue dress?

OK, here.

All right, get your shorts that you wear under your dress.

Kaleb, come get your clothes on, please.

Kaleb, you need socks.

- I don't need socks.

- You don't need socks?

That's disgusting.

Whatever, put them on.

Not high heels.

- High heels.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

We fight about this every morning.

You're not wearing high heels to school.

We can't spray this?

Before Kai started school, I went to the school.

I explained the situation, that I only wanted the principal, the school nurse, an d the teacher to know that Kai is trans.

And it actually went pretty well at the school.

I felt confident that we weren't gonna have any problems staying stealth.

And then the bathroom bill chatter started.

- We will pass legislation out of the Texas senate this session to keep men out of ladies' rooms, and locker rooms, and showers, and bathrooms in our schools and our public buildings.

We will stand up for women and girls in America and in Texas.

- And then the superintendent di d an interview with the local newspaper equating transgender children with pedophiles and perverts.

And then I got the phone call fr om the school saying, "Kai will have to use the boys' restroom."

Fighting tooth and nail all the way, the concession that they gave us is that she could use the nurse's bathroom.

Almost immediately, first thing that happens is, is the nurse isn't in her office, and so the only bathroom my kid was allowed to use was locked.

And my daughter had an accident in the hallway because the adults around her couldn't figure out which bathroom she should be able to use at that moment.

And so we had to come out of the closet.

Love you.

- Love you too.

- Tonight the battle over restroom rights is heating up in Pearland.

The mother of a kindergartner is fighting the school board for her transgender daughter's rights to use the girls' restroom.

- OK, so this is my first live feed.

You still have time to make it to the board meeting in Pearland.

If you want to come out and support us, we'd appreciate it.

- This mom says she wants her child to be treated like any other girl in her class.

- Please understand I'm not fighting about bathrooms.

I'm fighting about her life.

I'm fighting about her well-being.

I'm fighting for her happiness.

I'm fighting for her future.

- I had walked away from God be cause for me, God represented captivity.

So then I was just out.

I started to kind of develop my identity within my sexuality, started getting more in to the secular world, going to clubs.

And so I was dating a lot of people.

That same year, my sister was pregnant with her second child.

She had her baby.

And unfortunately, he was born really sick.

He ended up dying December 15th, which was my birthday.

We had a funeral for the baby, and one of my family members pulled me to the side.

She said, "Tammi, do you think it was a coincidence that the baby died on your birthday."

And so I was kind of like, "What?"

And she clear as day said, "God is trying to tell you something about your lifestyle."

[tense music] I had the burden of guilt of this little baby's death on my shoulders.

And I remember raising my hands.

And I said, "God, I still like women, but I give myself to You."

I'm making the choice not to indulge in that lifestyle anymore so that I can have the promise of heaven.

And so that's how I ended up marrying a man.

[soft piano music] Me and Tim met online.

And the first time I met him face-to-face, I remember I was dressed in, like, man's jeans, which were, like, really baggy, and then I had on a long man shirt, like, the long-sleeved white shirt.

Hair was still pretty short.

And I walked up to him, and I kind of gave him, like, the homeboy hand-- you know, "What's up, homey?

"How you doing?

All right, I see you.

I'll see you when I see you."

And I remember him being like, "Uh, OK." Like... [laugh] This guy did not ask me to change who I was.

And even knowing about my sexual attraction towards women, he was comfortable with that.

And then we got pregnant.

- Timothy, Tammi has given you the most sacred thing under heaven, a woman's life and a woman's love.

If you accept these gifts, Tammi will find in your heart a place for hers.

Amen?

- Amen.

[cheers and applause] - May you be a godly example of what a kingdom marriage should look like.

- We ended up getting married in January of 2012.

We had our first son August 2012.

So things happened very quickly.

This is a part of our testimony, and I know that there are many more to come.

And let me just tell y'all that y'all ain't seen nothing yet.

[cheers and applause] Spread them out.

You know how to do a puzzle?

- You're not gonna do it all?

- Yeah, I'm going to show you.

I did it yesterday by myself.

We can do it - This is difficult - We are so smart At this time, I'm working with children with autism.

And within the first few months, I'm noticing th at there's some things different with my kid.

- Where does the other one go?

- Let's see, because we've got to look at our colors.

So like this one-- By the time he was one years old and we were just adapting to working with him and having the teachers come inside the home, I found out I was pregnant again.

It was a whirlwind, and I was very, very depressed.

Yeah.

- I'll try to put-- - Good job.

Good job.

There we go.

That piece is there.

Look, everybody's watching-- - She wasn't doing good.

She was in a state of depression.

And I would go over to the house, and I was really concerned.

If you could just imagine seeing somebody, like, change, just laying over them, that's how heavy she looked.

I was worried I was gonna lose my daughter, that she was going to close her eyes, and she wasn't gonna wake up.

- Come here, Terrell, over here.

It says, "Bible verses to read when you feel worried, confused, angry, unimportant, alone, or lonely."

Do you guys ever feel any of those ways?

- Uh.

- Hmm?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

What do you feel sometimes?

- And as a mother, I need to get my daughter to choose life.

So I made the decision to fight for my daughter.

I chose to move in with my daughter, my grandson, and my son-in-law.

I felt Mom had to rescue.

- Rainbow pens.

Do you notice that?

- Yes.

- And rainbow stickies.

How many are we up to?

Has anybody counted?

Seven.

Y'all are writing away.

Is it working for you, Rex?

- Yeah, I got two out.

I pushed two out.

It's like giving birth.

- No, it's really not.

I'm sorry.

[laughter] Hey, Parker.

- Hey.

- Parker walked with you your first Pride, right?

- No.

- I don't think so.

- No?

- The first year, Rex and I stood with Parker.

We just stood at the parade.

The second year, I made the homemade button.

- Yeah, I wasn't even sure she was gonna go.

She shows up, and she's already covered in glitter.

She'd been there for like three hours in her church dress, in her dress, in her Sunday dress.

- And I made a homemade button.

It's like chicken scratch.

I was kind of embarrassed about it, but now it's real special.

But it even has glitter in it.

- I just remember-- - I don't know how-- - 'Cause you were the first person-- And it was, like, a very specific glitter.

Like, everyone was covered in glitter, but there was a really chunky silver glitter.

- Yeah.

- I noticed, like, you had the glitter, and then a couple more people had the glitter.

And then by the end of the night, everyone had some of this, like, specific silver chunky glitter.

- I think I still have glitter in my Jeep.

- It came your mom.

- The glitter hug.

- It's probably in you forever.

- Pretty much.

I just walked around.

And if anybody made eye contact with me, I said, "Hey, can I offer you a free mom hug or a high five?"

And the reaction was amazing.

The next year, some moms and I got together and some allies, and we had the banner made, and we walked in the Pride Parade.

And you'd think we were throwing gold because we had kids coming out crossing the barricades to get hugs.

And I heard the stories about broken lives, families being devastated and broken apart, young folks who'd been kicked out of their homes, who shared their wounds of their self-harm, and just horror stories.

- I think the next day someone was like, "Did you guys see that lady "giving free mom hugs at Pride yesterday?

Like, oh, she's so awesome.

I wish she was my mom."

I'm like, I-- there's been moments where I'm like, "You should have seen her five years ago."

- No.

Are you holy?

- I have to remember the damage that is still being done by fear and ignorance.

I haven't always been here, and I can't lose sight of that.

The night of the election, we just started hearing great fear and anxiety from the community.

And I thought, "Lord, what can I do?"

And I just heard this voice say, "Well, you got that banner."

I thought, "I'm gonna take the banner to the community."

And that's how we started the first Free Mom Hugs tour.

- The local organization that supports the LGBTQ community with a timeless embrace.

- A Midwest mom sp arked an idea, offer a hug to anyone.

It took off.

- I mentioned it to a very dear friend of mine, Laura Beth, and said, "Let's work together on this."

- It's gonna be two weeks.

- Ten cities.

- Countless hugs.

- Countless.

- We will lose count of the hugs.

- Uncountable.

- Uncountable.

- We're gonna start in Oklahoma City.

- Tulsa.

- Kansas City.

- Saint Louis, Missouri.

- Indianapolis.

- Cincinnati, Ohio.

- Columbus.

- Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

- Philadelphia.

- And finally, Stonewall Inn in New York City.

I'm so excited.

- High five.

- High five.

- We had dialogue with civic, faith, and business leaders to just share our stories about our families.

- The Home for Hope is a 40-bed homeless shelter for LGBTQ people in Philadelphia.

Sara wanted to do something that her kids had always enjoyed.

She wanted to cook.

- Now, I'll show you a technique.

When you get your hands going like that.

Have you done this before?

- A long time ago at the... - I thought, "You know, we're just gonna spend time."

And that's what we did.

- Are you ready?

- Let's serve it.

- [whistles] - 10, 20.

- What you call it?

[indistinct chatter] - There was a dance line going on in the living room.

It was like the kids we re home from college.

[all shouting] - We had moms helping us along the way.

In the evening time, we spent it in a gay district, offering Free Mom Hugs.

- Mom Hug?

- You didn't get a hug.

- Would you like a hug or a high five?

- He's been wanting a hug for a long time.

- Oh, what?

- I'll have a hug.

- Get up here.

Ohh.

- Free Mom Hug.

- I saw you looking at me.

I love you.

I'm glad you're here.

- I'm sorry, dear.

- Tomorrow is the start of the 85th Texas legislative session in Austin, and one proposal that's already getting a lot of attention has to do with bathrooms.

- Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick is the conservative leading the call.

- And it's just Texas values.

- The ACLU, claiming the Texas legislature is pushing an agenda of discriminatory legislation for political gain.

- What does it mean to you?

Any man at any time could en ter a woman's bathroom simply by claiming to be a woman that day.

Protect women's privacy.

Prevent danger.

- They started this onslaught of hateful messages.

The threats were very real.

The atmosphere in Texas was very scary for the family of a trans person.

- We must protect our sons and our daughters from the militant homosexual agenda.

And that we want to tell them loudly but lovingly but very plainly, you cannot have our children.

- We don't want biological males in women's restrooms, locker rooms, and showers.

- This is an attack against the word of God and what God has promised from the very beginning.

They've allowed Satan to come in, and... - It is disgusting and offensive to women.

- Transgenderism deals with people imagining to be who and what they are not.

- The Bible says, "W hat the enemy "means to use to harm you, the Lord will turn it fo r your good."

With all these attacks against the trans community, trans people all across the state, some of whom had never ev en met another transgender person be fore, everyone comes together, and now our family just grows.

- SB6 is fueling the hellfire flames of transphobic bigotry and should not be allowed to stand.

[cheers and applause] - These legislators are slapping a huge target on the back of my seven-year-old daughter.

- We were having to come to the Capitol to hold press conferences to get our message out, to testify in the senate hearings that lasted until 5:00 in the morning.

- I find it appalling that so many of you supporting segregation profess to be Christians.

- I don't want to be scared to go to the restroom anywhere public.

- It was trip after trip after trip, like 160 miles ea ch way for me.

But you never know which quote might make something finally click in the heart or the mind of someone who's been against your child.

- Yes, thank you so much for taking the time to come today.

- To the Church, come.

Let us reason together.

Let us be on the right side of history.

Civil rights were not about the water fountains in the '60s, and it's not about the toilets now.

There is so much more at stake.

To the LGBTQ community, I want to say, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for every time that I plucked a Bible verse out of context and I hurt you with it.

I was a hateful reflection of a loving God.

Please forgive me.

[sighs] This is the face of a transgender child in Texas.

And I want you to look at this little girl, my little girl.

Do we as a state really want to force her into a men's bathroom?

[soft piano music] - It was December 2nd of 2015.

I had just started working at Inland Regional Center.

- Police were searching the Inland Regional Center.

- A State of California facility that offers services for the developmentally disabled.

- We're leaving out of our offices, and they're telling us, "G o back inside.

It's an active shooter."

- Listen to me.

Take a deep breath.

Is he still shooting?

[gunshots] - Oh, my God.

- And that's where you saw the SWAT team with their guns out.

That's when I knew it was real.

And my heart dropped.

I said to myself, "Oh, my God, I cannot die because I haven't lived yet."

And not once did I ask for my husband.

- I saw this person that was, like, in a cage, and she didn't know how to get out.

- At that point, it was 33 years.

33 years of struggle, of self-doubt, of, like, not-- not feeling like I belonged.

Or 33 years of me feeling like there's something wrong with me.

- And that's when I can truly say I saw the real big change in her.

That led to the divorce and her deciding, "I'm gonna be who I want to be."

More than anything, I want my daughter to be free.

I want her to be happy, even if it doesn't line up with what I believe.

Just please yourself and God.

And on her quest to find Ch rist as a gay person, I don't know what sh e might find, but she knows her mother always has her back.

No matter what, I'll be there.

- Parker and I were sitting out back, talking about the next tour, and I said, "Listen, why don't you go with me?"

And he said, "Yeah."

So we're really excited about it... if we don't kill each other, because we have to remember, we're, you know, mo ther and son.

- Are you--you are-- You are kidding me.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- OK. - I can't believe that he would have just not at least called and said, "Look, it's gonna be later than we thought."

Of course, I'm not even ready.

[indistinct chatter] That needs to go in.

- OK. - Well, we need to figure out how we're gonna do it.

- Yes.

- We're gonna need to "Tetris" it.

OK, Parker, let's go.

- Y'all be safe.

Call if you need anything.

You got your--got funds?

- Yep.

- You got gas?

- Yep.

- I mean in the car.

[laugh] - OK. - I love you.

- Love you.

[horn honking] - This year, we're taking the banner from Oklahoma City to the Matthew Shepard Memorial in Wyoming.

- Will I grow up?

Will I change too much, Mama?

Am I all right?

- As a mother with a gay son, the Matthew Shepard story is one of my worst nightmares.

He was a young gay man.

He was beaten and left fo r dead at a fence post in Laramie, Wyoming.

- OK, on Sunday-- - As a gay kid in the '90s in Oklahoma, there were two gay people on TV, and it was Elton John and Matthew Shepard.

I knew I was gay really young.

So those are two things that I remember comparing myself to.

You know, I remember even then seeing some inherent fear when it was coming on the news with my mom.

And I think it's because she didn't know at the time whether that's something she was going to have to deal with someday.

Yes, I am worried about your eternal soul, but more than anything, I don't want you to be beaten walking down the street.

What can you do to your child to help them be more protected?

You just have to change the world around them.

You have no other option.

You can't change your fears, but you can figure out how to walk among them.

And so I'm just so honored and blessed to be able to join her on this tour, to kind of, in a way, fa ce both of our fears.

- Hi, how are you?

- Good.

- How are you folks doing?

- Good.

Meeting at the Memorial from 2: 00 to 4:00.

OK, well, thank you so much.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

And just thank you so much.

[indistinct chatter] This creature says, "Actually, we're unicorns, and by the look of it, so are you, Kelp."

So you see, people are different.

Families look different, but really, they're all the same, and they want to be safe.

They want to be loved.

They want to be accepted for who they are.

So can we pray together?

Lord, we thank You for families.

We thank You for linking us together.

Lord, we pray for patience for our families when we disagree, when we don't understand.

But please help us to remember that You are love.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Parker spent his whole life coming out to me.

And I would always try to control that conversation.

I allowed fear to dictate our lives.

It's the biggest regret of my life.

- It's called "Remembering Matthew, Remembering Laramie."

"Young man, gentle and kind, beer in hand in a sanctuary, "seeking friendship, finding two friends.

"The two, violating vulnerability, "beat him screaming words of hatred, "exposing fear, causing weakness.

"And Matthew was left alone... "In pain, in bondage, in hopelessness, "crying, breathless, like some of us."

- I love you.

- I love you too.

[birds chirping] - So tell me more about school.

The people in your class, are they nice?

- What did they say?

And then-- - And what did you say to her?

You should always stand up for yourself.

You know that?

- What happened at school this past week?

- Oh, goodness, what?

- What did you tell your teacher?

You're not comfortable... - And so I went to it anyways because I didn't care.

- Did your teacher anything?

- She did.

- She was told she can't do that.

It's been a rough school year.

[soft music] - Garage sale!

Garage sale!

Come inside to be amazed!

- 60, 70, 80, 90.

Mattresses are free.

Just buy the bed.

Originally, we believed that we would stay and fight this fight because it was the right thing to do.

But to grow up in Pearland as an LGBTQ person, it's horrible.

I had just told Kai that if ever it was too much to let me know.

And it became too much, and she let me know.

The way things are going in Texas, it's just, Austin is the only safe place for us to be for Kai in our state.

So I secured a job in Austin, and we moved.

[indistinct chatter] - I think this may be the biggest gathering that we've ever had.

I think we have about 55 Mama Bears here this weekend.

- Hi.

- Oh, my gosh.

Watch out.

- They just let anybody in here, don't they?

- And my son, who was my daughter, came out as gay in eighth grade.

He had top surgery in December.

- OK. - He looks amazing.

- This is the back rows right here.

Back row right here.

- I like to say that Mama Bears are changing the world one small act of kindness at a time.

[laughter] - Love it.

- I'll block you.

Ooh.

- [laughs] Whoo!

- [laughs] Oh!

I still got it.

- OK. - Where are you going?

My mother has chosen not to continue with the filming.

She was told that her participating in this documentary was her encouraging me into the lifestyle even more.

She was told that her words wo uld be twisted to come off as demeaning and she would be villainized.

But she continues to love me and support in the sense that she's not casting me out of her life.

Everybody has to take their own journey.

Thank you, sir.

- But I brought them.

- For the longest time, I felt like I was the only gay Christian.

And so when I found out about the Mama Bears, finally there was th is feeling of, there are others in the world who are going through this.

For me, it opened up an awareness that there are Christian pa rents who were affirming of their children.

Being in connection with the Mama Bears group led me to the Reformation Project.

I had my walls up because this is my first time being in that type of environment.

I was afraid that it wa s gonna be very, like, activist, forced change.

And when I went there, it was total opposite of what I expected.

They were worshipping.

[laughs] And I was like, what?

Like, they actually worshipping the Lord right now?

I couldn't even worship because I'm so busy watching them.

Like, whoa, they really love Jesus.

Like, like this is-- this is amazing, like... [laughs] Like, I was shocked.

I didn't realize I had so many biases and that I have been denying part of myself because of what I' ve been taught is necessary to be acceptable to God.

- Hallelujah!

Tonight is your night to let go of shame, let go of fear, let go of doubt, and worship the Lord like you have never worshipped the Lord before.

[cheers and applause] - Not to focus on problems but to focus on the vision.

- Yeah.

- I don't know.

I just love that.

- In this season, I am a part of the Reformation Project's leadership cohort.

And I'm learning how to be an advocate for LGBT inclusion within the church.

I know the Bible talks about the Earth groaning and moaning for its children to come forth and to bear fruit.

And I think part of that-- the holding back of seeing the fruit right now is the fact that people aren't living their true selves.

They're not living transparent lives.

And, you know, I think you'll see people beginning to get rid of that shame narrative and start living in the freedom.

- Shame is such a big thing of it, right?

- Yes, and it holds us back.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of us in our stories thought we've had these different milestones that would be magic cures, right, whether it was going to Bible camp one year or the Christian college you attended, or maybe you actually dated somebody for a period of time, or got married, right?

And none of that ever turned out to be a magic cure, and you're just left full of shame at the end.

You're left feeling defeated.

- I'm choosing to put down this shame.

I'm choosing to not carry it anymore.

And I'm choosing to be proud about who I am, about what I believe, ab out who I love and how I love.

I'm not living in that fear anymore.

I spread my wings.

[indistinct chatter] [birds chirping] - So this is where the kids are.

- Hey, Kai!

How you doing?

- Good.

- Good?

Looking fab as usual.

- Oh, hey, go get your barrette.

You took it off, remember?

I don't think Aunt Monica's seen your special barrette.

- Mm-mm.

- That Aunt Shea sent.

- I sure haven't.

I sure haven't.

- I'm interested to see what this generation of trans kids who have transitioned so young, what it's gonna be like for them as adults, because, you know, Kai has so many adult trans women, like yourself, who have stepped in as aunts and older sisters.

She doesn't even just identify as a girl.

She identifies as a trans girl, and she's proud of it because you guys have made her proud of who she is.

- They have the advantage of being able to talk to their elders, be able to ask them questions as she gets older, because one of the things that I love about being a trans person from here is that we have a long history of hell-raising trans women, that basically set the stage for the, you know, entire modern trans rights movement.

And it's only going to get better.

We are gonna win.

You know, you can say, this is a rough patch that we're going through right now.

But I really and truly believe that we are on the correct side of human history, and we will win this thing.

[light music] - Texas legislature adjourned a special session a day early, killing the controversial transgender bathroom bill.

- The house stands adjourned.

Sine die.

- Texas' controversial bathroom bill is dead.

- 60% of our operational budget, and... - Good morning, everybody.

Thank you so much for being here.

The bathroom bill was the top-- you know, the top priority of Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, and we were successful in both the regular and the special session in killing bathroom bills.

- I never thought I would see, personally, that many people come out.

We conquered that, and we-- we kicked ass again.

And I mean, we really, really conquered that.

- For me, the most gratifying moment was having representative and chair Byron Cooke come out and tell us, "Thank you for testifying," at 2:00 in the morning with our sleeping children.

- Not to single the two of you out, but you've gone on your own journey.

- That I got drug on.

- Drug--OK. - It's not like I said, "Hey, I'm gonna go do this."

- I think Kimberly and I can both agree that this wasn't-- this wasn't a choice.

We had to do it.

Making sure that we have a safe network for families across the state I think is essential here in Texas.

You know, the Dads in Dallas just went on a camping weekend together, and Mama Bears just got a bunch of tattoos together.

[laughter] - Are you showing yours off later?

- I will not be showing mine off.

But we all got arrows because it symbolizes that we're never going back, and we're only moving forward, and we're all banding together and making sure that all the children in the trans community across Texas are protected.

They can keep coming at us.

We're ready.

[cheers and applause] - Hello, hello!

How y'all doing tonight?

So we are gonna get started, guys.

At this time, our first presenters this evening, please put your hands together.

This is Bobby Brooks.

[cheers and applause] - Howdy, everybody.

Well, it's such a pleasure to be here this evening.

I think we have an award to give.

[cheers and applause] And the winner for the Activist of the Year Award is Kimberly Sharpie.

[cheers and applause] - It's Shappley!

- Thank you guys.

We really appreciate how the LGBTQ community has made us chosen family.

And we appreciate it.

And for all the activists that we were on there with, they fought for Kai's rights long before she was born.

And... they were fighting for her rights when I was on the other side.

- Yeah, Kai!

[cheers and applause] - The truth is that Kai has made me a better Christian.

She's made me a better mom.

She's made me a better person.

And I've learned through this process what chosen family means.

This is what true ministry is, what true love is.

But as we've continued to walk out this story and we've continued to do it as positive and as hopeful a way as we're able to, I can never forget that truly loving someone is asking them what it is that they need from you so that they feel loved by you.

- A mother in Oklahoma has started a movement about love and inclusion with a simple Facebook post.

She offered herself up saying, "If you need a mom to attend your same-sex wedding because your biological mom won't..." - "Call me.

I'm there."

- "I'll be your biggest fan.

I'll even bring the bubbles."

- Take me back to why you posted this in the first place.

- I started hearing stories from same-sex couples who are saying, "My parents aren't coming to the wedding.

They're not acknowledging the relationship."

And so out of frustration, I made the post.

And the response has just been overwhelming.

- And, you know, you really started a movement.

- There's hundreds and thousands of moms just like me, and dads.

And that became quite clear when the post went viral.

[birds chirping] - So what's the first thing you noticed about Marlee?

- Her smile.

- Your face seems really red.

- Because if I understand it right, you guys met at a restaurant.

- Mm-hmm.

- Did you spot her, like, the minute you walked in the restaurant?

Like you, boom, knew.

- I feel like it when I think about it.

- I don't know.

I was all-- - Does that look OK?

- Yeah, right.

- I was hiding with my face behind a window.

- This is my favorite part of every day, everyday living, is putting my makeup on.

Besides waking up next to Marlee, but, you know.

- Aww.

- Everybody says that.

My mom, wh en I finally told her, I said, "Marlee has asked me to marry her, and I said yes and just wanted you to know."

And she said, "Tabatha, you go down these roads, "there's a right road and a wrong road or path, and I'm letting you know that you're on the wrong path."

Mom used to call me every morning and wake me up, and she stopped calling.

She never really said, "I'm not coming," but I know that she's not gonna be here.

- So is there a reason-- - Our love does not waver regardless.

Not that I know of.

OK, I think... - I met Sara about four years ago at our first group moms gathering.

Hey, y'all, it's 1:00, and I'm starting to freak out.

- Mom, I-- - We're gonna make some sandwiches and feed some people.

And you and Marlee, mustard.

– Marlee and Tabatha are ge tting married at 5: 00.

- Firstborn.

- My firstborn is getting married.

- Where's the knife at?

Sponge?

- It's all the same as any other wedding.

- [exhales sharply] - It's just two girls, and that doesn't-- it's perfectly fine.

- Just imagine yourself when everything's said and done.

Everyone-- you have the final kiss, and everyone's celebrating, and you're with people who love you and who are just so excited for the both of you.

- I'm excited.

- You're more cold than me.

- Yeah.

- But you're doing a fine job.

- All right.

One, two, three.

[laughter] [soft music] - I was just thinking about, you know, her own mother, really.

Like, this is a moment.

This is history.

And it's worth celebrating and acknowledging.

And just, it's sad.

But I'm glad I'm here.

[chuckles] When I think about Parker and all the things that he had to go through alone, he didn't have someone who adored him because I failed him then.

So I don't forget th at it's about giving, about validating another human being, about unconditional love.

[cheers and applause] - Sara just kind of-- she filled a void I didn't know I needed filled.

She gives me hope for my mom.

[cheers and applause] - Hi, there.

I'm writing this in my diary.

Today was one of the best days of school because I got to use the girls' bathroom.

- You got to do what?

Look at me.

- I got to use the girls' bathroom.

- That was a big deal?

- Yes.

- How was it?

- It was a big deal.

It was like the best thing ever that I had in my life.

Oh, Miss Emerson!

This is this my second-grade classroom.

- [sighs] No.

Every time I see that sign, it chokes me up, and I start wanting to cry all over again, because it's just-- continues to let me know that we made the right decision.

- This is my desk, and this is my name tag.

It feels so awesome to finally be always called Esther.

- Esther Kai Shappley.

Queen Esther.

I only use the whole name when she's in trouble.

- Come look at Snoopie.

Here is my pet hedgehog, Snoopie.

- The Bible says that our life has seasons, in season and out of season.

There's a time to laugh and a time to cry.

We've been through a lot of seasons, and now we're in the new season of rebuilding.

I don't know what that's gonna look like in the end, but I-- I know that it will be beautiful.

- There he goes.

- He looks way more cuter when he's like that.

- [laughs] I love hedgehogs.

[birds chirping] - I want some eggs.

- You want some eggs?

- Yeah.

- OK. - In May of this year, I met Miss Shadae Miles.

We met on Plenty of Fish.

I reached out to you because I complimented you on your smile.

- Yeah.

- And I started to get cold feet.

And we stopped talking for like a day.

- A day.

- It was a day.

It was probably the saddest day of my life.

- The saddest day of my life.

- So then I asked you to meet me at Denny's.

- The next day.

- Yeah.

- The 3rd of July.

- 3rd of--and that's when I was like, "You've made an impression in my life, and I can't shake you, so..." - You told me you love me.

- I told you I loved you.

Mm-hmm.

- It's crazy after a short period of time... - Yeah.

- You can feel that way.

- But it was so real.

So... Shadae is a beautiful being.

She is sincere, and nurturing, and patient, and kind.

- Let it cool.

- TJ, you ready to eat?

- Yep.

- Come sit down.

Shadae comes from a very different background than I came from.

There still are ce rtain traumas that I'm recovering from.

- All right, Boo.

- But being who she is, she continues to create that safe place for me to struggle.

- Gotcha.

- My mom always says, "Oh, I love Shadae, but I wish you guys we ren't dating."

She's respectful, but some of the comments made still hurt.

She definitely still ha s her beliefs that homosexuality is a sin.

But I still see her changing.

I still see her actions come back to a place of love and acceptance.

I do feel like one day she will have that boldness to live it out and say it.

What's your number?

- Five.

- Number five.

Can you take this to Shadae?

[indistinct chatter] And so in my spiritual wa lk right now, I'm learning that there's a delicate balance.

I can have God, and I can still have joy.

I can have God, and I can still have love.

I can have God, and I can still have sensuality and sexuality and passion.

The amazement of that an d the fullness of that I think is what stuns me.

Yeah, OK. Go with Shadae over there.

- It's time to play, Terrell.

Let me see your plant.

I'll hold it for you.

Go play, OK?

- [laughs] I never expected to be this happy.

TJ!

[indistinct chatter] [soft music] - It's been an amazing jo urney.

And finally, I went to my first Pride Parade.

And as I was walking do wn the street, like, I began to have tears in my eyes because I was like, this is the kingdom of God.

This is a kingdom of acceptance.

This is a kingdom where love is overflowing.

- There are millions of moms, dads, friends, and allies stepping up to the plate.

I feel like this is what I was created to do.

And I can't imagine doing anything else.

- You know, wherever love is, th ere's gonna be growth.

I think about the Bible and the Book of Acts because it talks about how the Lord continued to increase their numbers because of how they treated each other and because of the community th at they were building.

And so when I look at this group of Mama Bears and how crazy fast it's grown, I think of the Book of Acts, and I think, "W e are doing it right."

- Here in the community.

So if you'd like to sign our pledge to vote, we would love to send you our equality voter guide.

- We have seen the tide of the battle and how it has turned, and there literally are more people for us than against us.

We just need those people for us to be louder and more fierce than those who are still attacking us.

- When do we want it?

[together] Now!

- Allies are so important fo r the LGBTQ community.

People who have nothing to lose and nothing to gain by joining this fight but doing it because it's the right thing to do, those are the people we need.

[upbeat music] [upbeat music] - If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness at 1-800-950-6264 or dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

[upbeat music] - Oh, oh, oh, oh - Oh, oh, oh, oh - Oh, oh, oh, oh - Oh, oh, oh, oh - Oh, oh, oh [bright tones]