Independent Lens

I'M STANLEY TUCCI, YOUR HOST OF INDEPENDENT LENS. STEVEN'S SEARCH FOR A WIFE LED HIM TO SANDY, A 30-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IN CHINA. SANDY'S SEARCH FOR A HUSBAND LED HER TO STEVEN, A 60-YEAR-OLD AMERICAN. NEITHER GOT QUITE WHAT THEY EXPECTED. -

speaking a Chinese language

THIS IS NOT CHINA, AND I AM NOT CHINESE. INDEPENDENT FILMMAKER DEBBIE LUM SET OUT TO UNDERSTAND THE OBSESSION SOME MEN HAVE WITH ASIAN WOMEN. A CONFESSED ASIAPHILE, STEVEN IS A WALKING STEREOTYPE OF HER WORST NIGHTMARE. I HAVE SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE TRYING TO AVOID MEN LIKE STEVEN. I LIKE THE CHINESE LOOK, YOU KNOW? YOU LOOK REALLY CHINESE TOO. BUT AS HER OWN ROLE DEVELOPS FROM BEING THE OBSERVER TO BEING ANOTHER CHARACTER IN THE FILM, SHE, TOO, DISCOVERS THINGS SHE DIDN'T EXPECT. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT AS STEVEN AND SANDY'S RELATIONSHIP GROWS. IS IT POSSIBLE REAL LIFE IS MORE COMPELLING THAN THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WE IMAGINE? SEEKING ASIAN FEMALE, NEXT. YEAH THE FIRST TIME I VISITED STEVEN IN HIS OWN HOME... HELLO. HELLO. WELCOME. THANKS. I HAD TO FIGHT THE URGE TO TURN AROUND AND LEAVE. YOUR HAIR LOOKS CUTE. YOU LOOK VERY CHINESE, WITH THE BANGS.

wheezing laugh

YOU KNOW I LIKE THAT.

laughs

I HAVE SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE TRYING TO AVOID MEN LIKE STEVEN. BUT WHEN HE AGREED TO LET ME FILM HIM, I JUST DOVE IN. THERE'S MY FIRST ASIAN GIRLFRIEND. I DON'T LOOK AT BLONDES OR REDHEADS. I TURN AND LOOK AT CHINESE.

keyboard keys clacking

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHY CERTAIN WESTERN MEN HAVE A THING FOR ASIAN WOMEN, SO I CONTACTED MEN WHO POSTED ONLINE PERSONAL ADS EXCLUSIVELY SEEKING ASIAN WOMEN. WOULD YOU MIND STATING FOR THE CAMERA YOUR NAME AND YOUR DATING PREFERENCE? MY NAME'S KEN. I'M A POLICE OFFICER. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I'LL END UP MARRYING AN ASIAN GIRL. LIKE, I JUST KNOW THAT. MY NAME IS GORDON. I'M A WHITE CAUCASIAN MALE. IT REALLY MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHERE SHE'S FROM WITHIN THE ASIAN SUBCONTINENT. WITH ASIAN WOMEN, IT'S JUST, LIKE, "BAM." COME CALL THESE MEN ASIAPHILES OR GUYS WITH YELLOW FEVER. AND HERE IN CALIFORNIA, IT SEEMS LIKE THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. IT'S THEIR HAIR. IT'S THE LONG BLACK HAIR THAT'S REALLY EYE-CATCHING. IT'S THE WHOLE MYSTERIOUS KIND OF LOOK, DARK EYES. I THINK THEY GIVE MORE CONSIDERATION TO HOW THE MAN FEELS THAN SOMETIMES THEMSELVES. THIS LITTLE THING RIGHT UNDERNEATH THE EYE... THIS IS HOW I MET STEVEN. JUST--JUST THE-- YOU KNOW, WHERE THE EYELID CUT. IT'S JUST, LIKE, KNOCKS ME OUT. THERE'S THIS VIETNAMESE MOVIE CALLED THE SCENT OF GREEN PAPAYA. IT'S GOT THIS IDYLLIC SERVANT GIRL WHO WOULD-- COOKS THESE BEAUTIFUL MEALS, AND YOU THINK, "GEE, WOULD IT BE LIKE THAT?" I HAD A FEELING I HAD FOUND THE PERFECT DOCUMENTARY SUBJECT. I KNEW STEVEN WOULD TELL ME EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT HIS OBSESSION FOR ASIAN WOMEN. I GOT TO SHOW YOU THIS. THE ORIGINAL-- I WAS REALLY INTO THESE SUNSHINE GIRLS. THIS IS BEFORE COMPUTER. THIS IS ALL SNAIL MAIL. THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I EVER MET, YUKIKA, RIGHT? THESE ARE LETTERS FROM HER BEFORE WE MET. STEVEN'S SEARCH FOR A YOUNG ASIAN WIFE BEGAN MORE THAN FIVE YEARS AGO. THERE'S A FILIPINO GIRL. HE STARTED OFF MEETING JAPANESE AND FILIPINO WOMEN USING SO-CALLED MAIL-ORDER CATALOGS. THEN HE SWITCHED TO THE INTERNET AND DECIDED TO FOCUS ONLY ON CHINESE. OVER THE COURSE OF THE LAST FIVE YEARS, THERE MUST BE HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT GIRLS IN CHINA THAT I'VE BEEN WRITING TO. MESSAGE ONE. THIS IS FONG FROM CHINA.

speaking a Chinese language

-

repeats word

CALL ME BACK WHEN YOU GET MY MESSAGES. BYE. -

repeats word

answering machine beeps

CHINA IS JUST AMAZING RIGHT NOW-- THE VITALITY, THE GROWTH. THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF WOMEN OVER THERE.

chuckles

AT FIRST, I WONDER IF HE LIES ABOUT HIMSELF ONLINE. BUT HIS DATING PROFILE IS HONEST. IT SAYS THAT HE'S 60, THAT HE DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF MONEY, AND USING THIS PHOTO, HE ACTUALLY ATTRACTS ALL THESE YOUNG WOMEN IN CHINA. THESE ARE, LIKE, THE LETTERS. RIGHT NOW, HE EVEN HAS THREE CHINESE PEN PALS, INCLUDING A 24-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF MOLLY. "I GUESS YOU WERE BUSY AND HAD A LITTLE TIME TO REPLY, BUT I DO LOVE YOUR WORDS AND REREAD ALL OF YOUR LETTERS." I READ SOMETHING LIKE THAT, AND I GO, "OH, MY GOD." THIS IS, LIKE, INCREDIBLE. I'M REALLY CURIOUS TO KNOW WHO THESE WOMEN ARE. AND THEN...

camera shutter clicking

THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE. WILL I BECOME A PICTURE ON HIS WALL AS WELL? I'VE BEEN STARED AT, HIT ON, AND HARASSED BY SO MANY MEN LIKE STEVEN. THEY USUALLY TRY TO STRIKE UP CONVERSATION BY SAYING HELLO TO ME IN CHINESE OR JAPANESE OR KOREAN. THIS HAS BOTHERED ME MY WHOLE LIFE-- WELL, MAYBE NOT MY WHOLE LIFE, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I USED TO LOOK LIKE THIS. HERE I AM, AGE TEN, IN MY HOMETOWN, ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI. I MAY HAVE BEEN THE ONLY CHINESE KID IN THIS PICTURE, BUT AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER, I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS TOTALLY AMERICAN. I DID GYMNASTICS, I HAD A BAD PERM, AND MY BEST FRIEND WAS MY DOG. AND MY PARENTS WERE JUST LIKE US. THEY GREW UP IN AMERICA TOO, SO WE SPOKE ONLY ENGLISH.

bicycle bell dings

I ACTUALLY DIDN'T LEARN CHINESE UNTIL COLLEGE, WHEN I WENT TO CHINA FOR THE FIRST TIME.

dog barking

camera shutter clicks

STEVEN IS MAKING ME REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. CAN YOU LOOK UP AND SAY HI?

camera shutter clicks

BUT WHO SAID MAKING A DOCUMENTARY WOULD BE EASY? AND BESIDES, STEVEN REALLY IS THE PERFECT CASE STUDY. -

laughs

HE'S TOTALLY OPEN TO MY CAMERA. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS PART, THOUGH. THIS IS THE EMBARRASSING PART OF MY LIFE. WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU, DEBBIE, MAKES ME WANT TO EXPOSE MYSELF TO RIDICULE LIKE THIS? AND HIS VERBAL FILTER SEEMS BROKEN. JAPANESE GIRLS DRINK BEER. CHINESE GIRLS DO NOT. WHY? NOT IN THE CULTURE. YOU DRINK BEER? WELL... I DO THIS ONCE A MONTH, SO IT'S ECONOMY OF SCALE. PUT ALL THE SOCKS IN ONE, ALL THE T-SHIRTS IN ONE, ALL THE PANTS IN ONE. THAT WAY, THEY'RE ALREADY SEPARATED. PUT THEM IN THE DRYER. PULL THEM OUT. HANG THEM RIGHT AWAY. SINCE MY FIRST DIVORCE, I HAD TO START DOING MY OWN LAUNDRY. AND ESPECIALLY SINCE THE SECOND DIVORCE, I REALIZED THAT IT'S NOT THAT MUCH FUN. I HAVE A JOB AS A CASHIER AT THE SAN FRANCISCO AIRPORT. GOOD EVENING. HOW ARE YOU TONIGHT?

I GET OFF OF WORK 2

00, COME HOME,

AND IT'S 6

00 IN CHINA TOMORROW NIGHT. IT'S SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN I GO HOME, SEE IF THERE'S A LETTER THERE FROM MOLLY. TO ME, IT'S KIND OF ASTOUNDING THAT HERE I AM AT THIS AGE AND I FEEL LIKE I'M A TEENAGER AGAIN OR SOMETHING. IT'S A FUNNY FEELING. LOOK AT THAT. "COME TO ME, DARLING. "I AM EAGER TO MEET YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. LOVE, MOLLY." STEVEN GOES TO CHINA TO MEET THE 24-YEAR-OLD PEN PAL MOLLY. WHEN I TRY TO GET PERMISSION TO FILM HER, SHE SAYS NO. BUT DURING THIS FIRST VISIT, STEVEN PROPOSES. EVERY MINUTE-- FROM THE INSTANT I SAW HER, EVERY MINUTE, I FELL MORE DEEPLY IN LOVE, EVERY MINUTE, AND STILL, TO THIS DAY, EVERY MINUTE, I FEEL THAT WAY. I JUST ORDERED HER A LAPTOP COMPUTER. DID SHE GIVE YOU AN INDICATION THAT SHE MIGHT SAY YES, THEN? UH... I'M READING THAT. I'M READING THAT INTO WHAT SHE SAID. SHE MIGHT SAY NO. BUT SHE'S NOT SAYING NO YET. ALONG THE WAY SINCE YOU'VE BEEN BACK, HAVE YOU HAD ANY DOUBTS AT ALL OR... DOUBTS? - YEAH. IS A WORRY THE SAME AS A DOUBT? AND HOW LONG ARE YOU PREPARED TO... LIVE APART? - YEAH. I MEAN, EVERYTHING SEEMS WONDERFUL TO ME. I MEAN--BUT, YOU KNOW, I COULD DO THAT-- THAT SAME TRANSPOSITION ONTO THE NEXT PERSON AS WELL, 'CAUSE NOTHING'S REALLY HAPPENED. IT'S ALL IN MY IMAGINATION SO FAR. I THINK SHE'D BE IDEAL, AND I'D BE HAPPY IF IT HAPPENED, BUT IT MIGHT NOT. MANY MONTHS GO BY WHILE STEVEN KEEPS WAITING. I SUSPECT HIS FANTASY OF MARRYING A YOUNG CHINESE WOMAN WILL NEVER COME TRUE. WANT SOME COFFEE? I JUST MADE COFFEE. NO, THANKS. GET MY APPROPRIATE CUP. AND THEN I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT STEVEN TELLS ME NEXT. SANDY, A NEW 30-YEAR-OLD PEN PAL FROM ANHUI PROVINCE, HAS ALREADY AGREED TO MARRY STEVEN. SANDY'S REAL NAME IS ZHANG JIANHUA. SHE GREW UP IN A TEA FARM IN THE REMOTE MOUNTAINS OF HUANGSHAN. BUT STEVEN TELLS ME THAT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HER PHOTO THAT DREW HIM TO HER. HE WAS ALSO REALLY IMPRESSED BECAUSE SHE CREATED THIS PICTURE OF THEM AS A COUPLE, EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE NEVER MET. SHE TOOK THIS PICTURE OF HER AND ME, AND SHE SENT AWAY... ISN'T THAT COOL? I LOOK A LITTLE YOUNGER HERE. I MEAN--I MEAN, IF IT TURNS OUT SHE'S, LIKE, WEIRD, I THINK IT'D STILL BE OKAY. STEVEN GOES TO CHINA TO MEET SANDY FACE-TO-FACE. HEY. HEY. THE TWO DECIDE THAT SANDY WILL MOVE TO CALIFORNIA ON THE K-1 FIANCEE VISA. IT WILL ALLOW HER TO BE IN THE U.S. LEGALLY FOR THREE MONTHS BEFORE SHE MUST EITHER MARRY STEVEN OR GO BACK TO CHINA. AND NOW STEVEN IS BUSY PREPARING FOR HER ARRIVAL. A SYMBOLIC NEW MAKEOVER IS WHAT I WAS ENVISIONING. I HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK A LITTLE MORE WITH THE TIMES. THAT'S NOT BAD, HUH? THESE ALL HAD OLD GIRLFRIEND PICTURES. I TOOK THEM ALL OUT. IT'S IN THE OLD STORAGE BIN, WHICH I'LL NEVER GO TO AGAIN. SHE LOOKS SO CHINESE. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? YOU CAN'T LOOK ANY MORE CHINESE THAN HER.

chuckles

AND IT'S 6

THIS IS IT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, "SHE LOOKS SO CHINESE"? OH, I LIKE THE CHINESE LOOK, YOU KNOW. AND YOU CAN'T LOOK ANY MORE CHINESE THAN HER. YOU LOOK REALLY CHINESE TOO. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FEEL BAD FOR STEVEN. WHAT KIND OF WOMAN WOULD MOVE COUNTRY TO MARRY A MAN SHE MET ONLINE AND BARELY KNOWS? I HAVE TO MEET HER. YES. - BUT I'M WORRIED. WHY? THAT SHE'LL BE JEALOUS? JEALOUS? NO, NOT JEALOUS. ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BRING BACK A CHINESE WIFE? DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO? ARE YOU STILL MARRIED? OKAY. THIS IS MY HUSBAND, JONATHAN. HE'S ONE OF THE REASONS THAT STEVEN IS LETTING ME TELL HIS STORY. STEVEN THINKS WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON JUST BECAUSE JONATHAN IS WHITE. HE ALSO THINKS HE'LL FINALLY FIND MARITAL BLISS JUST BECAUSE SANDY IS CHINESE. BUT I'M SURE MY HUSBAND WILL TELL YOU, NO MATTER WHO YOUR WIFE IS, MARRIAGE IS HARD. STEVEN GOES TO CHINA, AND TWO WEEKS LATER, HE FLIES BACK HOME WITH SANDY. STEVEN. THIS IS SANDY.

both speaking a Chinese language

AND IT'S 6

HI. HOW ARE YOU? - WELL, WE'RE SUPER. I'M HAPPY AS A CLAM.

breathing heavily

AND IT'S 6

GO TO--YEAH. SO? THIS IS IT, HUH? -

giggles

AND IT'S 6

THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE LIVING ROOM, DINING ROOM. I JUST COVERED THESE. YOU LIKE THOSE? CLOSET. KITCHEN. - MM. HEY, WOK. AND BEDROOM. - MM-HMM. SHE'S HUNGRY. - SHE'S HUNGRY? YOU GOT TO FEED HER. THE BANK IS ONE BLOCK UP THAT WAY. BANK OF AMERICA. SHE'S READ A LOT OF THINGS TO ME IN CHINESE, AND I FEEL SO-- I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S SAYING. OH, MY GOD. CAN'T BELIEVE IT. OKAY, FULL DISCLOSURE. HELLO, THERE. - HI, BABES. I'M JUST LEAVING NOW. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER. SHE SEEMS REALLY GENUINE. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YEAH. FOR NOW, ANYWAY. -

chuckling

AND IT'S 6

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT? SEE THE BRIDGE? - YEAH. TAKE A-- TAKE A PICTURE. OKAY. LOOK AT THIS ONE. HUH? - HUGE. YOU HAVE TO WIN THE LOTTO TO GET ONE OF THESE. WE MAKE MONEY, HUH? BUY HOUSE. YEAH, WE'LL COME HERE. SANDY. - OH, HI. HI. - HOW ARE YOU? THIS IS THE LANDLORD. - WE GOT A COUPLE OF THEM.

laughs

AND IT'S 6

WEATHER'S BEEN LOUSY SINCE YOU LEFT HERE. TODAY'S NOT THAT BAD. SO ANYWAY, WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE, WE'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR LUNCH. I'LL HAVE YOU OVER TO MEET MY WIFE. YEAH? HE WANTS TO--YEAH, DO YOU-- SAY IT SLOWLY. I'LL TAKE YOU TO MEET MY WIFE. I'LL TAKE YOU OVER TO OUR HOUSE, AND WE'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR LUNCH. YEAH? - UH... YEAH? SAY, "THANK YOU, YEAH." THANK YOU.

laughter

AND IT'S 6

OKAY. I'LL BUTTON YOU.

chuckles

AND IT'S 6

DINNER? THIS IS SO COOL. I LOVE IT. BYE-BYE. - BYE-BYE.

line ringing

AND IT'S 6

BEFORE SHE CAME TO CALIFORNIA, SANDY WAS LIVING IN TIANJIN, CHINA'S FOURTH-LARGEST CITY. SHE TELLS ME THAT SHE LOVED THE BOOMING, BUSTLING URBAN LIFE, BUT PEOPLE THERE CONSIDERED HER A COUNTRY MOUSE AND LOOKED DOWN ON HER FOR NOT GOING TO COLLEGE.

phone rings

AND IT'S 6

STILL SINGLE AT AGE 30, SHE WAS AN OLD MAID BY CHINESE STANDARDS, SO SHE WENT ONLINE HOPING TO FIND AN OPEN-MINDED CHINESE MAN AND FOUND STEVEN INSTEAD. DELICIOUS.

chuckles

sighs

AND IT'S 6

I'M ENJOYING GETTING TO KNOW SANDY, AND I HAVE TO ADMIT, SHE REALLY DOES SEEM TO BE THE INNOCENT TRADITIONAL CHINESE WOMAN OF STEVEN'S DREAMS. -

laughs

AND IT'S 6

OH. HEY, STEVEN. - HEY, PETE. STEVEN TAKES SANDY TO THE WINE COUNTRY SO SHE CAN MEET HIS BEST FRIENDS, PETER, NANI, AND THEIR SON, NICO. THIS IS SOUP, COLD SOUP. HAVE A GOOD TASTE. OH, THIS IS GREAT. -

laughs

AND IT'S 6

GOOD TO HAVE YOU. OH... -

slowly

AND IT'S 6

GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE. THEY'RE HAPPY TO HAVE-- THAT YOU--YEAH. WE HAVE CONSTANTLY GOING THE COMPUTER WITH SHERLOCK. WE USE THAT. TO TRANSLATE? - YEAH. MYSTERY. - MYSTERY.

both speaking a chinese language

AND IT'S 6

GREAT SKY. I'VE LOST 16 POUNDS. - HAVE YOU?

SEX AND VEGETABLES

I RECOMMEND IT. -

laughs

SEX AND VEGETABLES

IT ACTUALLY FEELS QUITE GOOD, YOU KNOW? FEELS LIKE THE... VERY CONGENIAL, VERY HARMONIOUS. ALSO I THINK JUST THE BIT OF WEBCAMMING WAS ENOUGH TO HAVE SORT OF ALREADY HELPED THE ICE A LITTLE BROKEN-- WHEN YOU MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, IT'S A FRACTION OF A SECOND THAT YOU KNOW. -

repeating words

SEX AND VEGETABLES

-

laughs

SEX AND VEGETABLES

-

barking

SEX AND VEGETABLES

STEVEN AND SANDY DO SEEM HAPPY DESPITE NOT REALLY BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER. BUT I STILL FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE. IS IT FOR REAL? LAST NIGHT, SANDY FOUND THOUSANDS OF PICTURES OF STEVEN'S 24-YEAR-OLD EX-GIRLFRIEND MOLLY ON HIS COMPUTER. AND NOW STEVEN WANTS MY HELP TRANSLATING THEIR ARGUMENT. IT'S ONLY SANDY THAT'S IN MY HEART, IN MY MIND, ON MY THOUGHTS, BUT-- HOLD ON A SECOND. MY CHINESE IS NOT GREAT. SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND YOU, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. I WANTED TO GET CLEAR ON WHAT SHE MEANT, AND I WANTED TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT I SAY. CAN YOU SIT OVER THERE? YOU TWO HAVE A CONVERSATION, AND I WILL TRANSLATE. OKAY. OKAY, STEVEN. YOU HAVE HAD A LOT OF WOMEN IN YOUR PAST, A LOT OF GIRLFRIENDS THAT SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT, BUT WHY IS IT THAT YOU STILL HAVE PICTURES OF MOLLY? IT TOOK A WHILE TO FADE AWAY, BUT I'M WAY OVER IT. IT'S LIKE-- SO-- LET ME TRANSLATE. SHE SAID, "THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOUR HEART FEELS THAT WAY FOR REAL?" I CAN ONLY PROVE MY LOVE DAY BY DAY. OH, MY GOSH, I CAN'T TRANSLATE THAT. I'M JUST FRUSTRATED, 'CAUSE THIS IS-- I'VE BEEN MORE HAPPY THAN I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE UP UNTIL LAST NIGHT. AND I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. FINALLY, STEVEN PROMISES TO THROW AWAY ALL HIS PHOTOS OF MOLLY, AND SANDY CALMS DOWN. THANK YOU. HIT ME. HIT ME WITH IT. STEVEN, I-- I'M GLAD THAT YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE CALLING ME-- UH-HUH, BUT I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE? I KNOW. YOU'RE NOT A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR.

warm violin music playing

SEX AND VEGETABLES

HELLO. - HELLO. HELLO. STEVEN? SHE JUST WENT OUT THE DOOR ABOUT HALF A MINUTE AGO. YOU WANT ME TO CALL HER OR... - PLEASE. OKAY. -

crying

SEX AND VEGETABLES

SANDY. WHAT HAPPENED IS, WHILE I WAS AT WORK, SHE CALLED MOLLY, TRIED TO TALK. APPARENTLY THAT WAS A FIASCO. I WROTE TO MOLLY LAST NIGHT. I GET THIS. "PLEASE DON'T BOTHER MY LIFE BY TALKING ABOUT SANDY. "SHE IS RUDE. "PLEASE DELETE ALL OLD EMAILS, EVERYTHING. GO YOUR OWN WAY." DID YOU SHOW HER THAT EMAIL? I SHOWED HER THIS MORNING. CAN YOU READ IT? I'LL TRANSLATE IT TO HER WHILE YOU'RE READING IT. "IF SHE DOESN'T WANT US TO BE FRIENDS, THEN OKAY. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS NOW." OKAY.

speaking a Chinese language

SEX AND VEGETABLES

I DON'T WANT YOU TALK TO HER. I DON'T WANT YOU WITH HER TO BE FRIEND. I DON'T LOVE HER. I LOVE YOU. SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON. I DON'T HATE HER. YOU--BECAUSE YOU DO UNDERSTAND.

speaking a Chinese language

SEX AND VEGETABLES

IN CHINA, IF YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEBODY, YOU CAN'T STILL BE FRIENDS. -

repeats word

SEX AND VEGETABLES

I KNOW. I HAVE TO GET READY FOR WORK, SO... MINOR CULTURE CLASH GOING ON. AND I'VE BEEN ALONE FOR 20 YEARS. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M TRYING TO ADJUST. BUT I THOUGHT I HAD A BIT OF PRIVACY DUE TO MYSELF. THERE'S GONNA BE AN ADJUSTMENT ON BOTH OF OUR PARTS. THIS IS NOT CHINA, AND I AM NOT CHINESE. I'M HOPING FOR THE BEST.

laughter

singing in a Chinese language

SEX AND VEGETABLES

ONE MORE TIME. LET'S TRY IT AGAIN. OKAY. - OKAY. -

singing in a Chinese language

SEX AND VEGETABLES

WHEN SANDY WAS 18, SHE LEFT HER VILLAGE TO MOVE TO TIANJIN. SHE WORKED HER WAY UP FROM THE FACTORY FLOOR TO AN OFFICE JOB AND SAVED ENOUGH TO BUY HER PARENTS A HOUSE IN HER HOMETOWN. IT TURNS OUT THIS MOVE TO CALIFORNIA TO LIVE WITH STEVEN IS NOT SANDY'S FIRST BIG JOURNEY. -

singing in a Chinese language

SEX AND VEGETABLES

OKAY, FINISHED.

giggling

SEX AND VEGETABLES

BEAUTIFUL. STEVEN AND SANDY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ONLY ONE MONTH, BUT NOW THEY MUST PUSH AHEAD WITH THE WEDDING BEFORE HER VISA EXPIRES. WHAT IS-- SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IN A WEDDING. OH. SLOW LIKE THAT. I TAKE THIS HAND. IT'S A RING. THIS IS STEVEN'S THIRD WEDDING, BUT IT'S ONLY SANDY'S FIRST, SO HE DECIDES TO GIVE HER THE WEDDING OF HER DREAMS. WELL... IT SAID 200 BUCKS APIECE. CRAZY EXPENSE. STEVEN THE WEDDING PLANNER HAS A LOT TO DO. OKAY, PRACTICE. I, STEVEN, TAKE YOU-- WHAT'S YOUR NAME? -

laughs

SEX AND VEGETABLES

I DO.

laughter

SEX AND VEGETABLES

I WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS. IT SOUNDS FUNNY. HOW'S THE ADJUSTMENT PERIOD GOING NOW THAT YOU'RE REALLY SHARING YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY? SHE'S NOT JUST A INTERNET FRIEND. SHE'S NOW A REAL PERSON LIVING WITH YOU. YEAH, WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUNNY. I MEAN, SOME THINGS I'VE DONE THE SAME WAY FOR 20 YEARS HERE, PUT THE THINGS IN A CERTAIN ORDER. AND, WELL, SHE HAS A NEW ORDER FOR THEM. AND I GO, "HUH. HUH."

chuckles

SEX AND VEGETABLES

SOMETIMES I'LL COME HOME, AND SHE'LL BE HIDING BEHIND THE REFRIGERATOR OR SOMETHING. ONE TIME, SHE WAS HIDING IN THE CLOSET IN BACK OF THE CLOTHES, AND SHE LETS ME LOOK AROUND.

I COME IN

"HONEY? WHERE ARE YOU?" YOU KNOW, FINALLY I'LL LOOK IN THE CLOSET, AND SHE'LL BE IN THERE SMILING, AND IT'S, LIKE, FUNNY. IT'S FUNNY. YEAH. THE DAY IS FULL OF LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT. THAT'S EASY TO SHARE.

phone rings

I COME IN

PLEASE CONTACT I.C. SYSTEMS IN REGARD TO AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS MATTER. AGAIN, PLEASE CONTACT US AT-- DO YOU HAVE AN OLD DEBT? YEAH. YOU DO? FROM WHAT? I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER NOW. I THINK IT WAS A CREDIT CARD A LONG TIME AGO.

train bells ringing

I COME IN

FIRST TURN. PENINSULA. MESSY. MESSY. MESSY. MESSY, NOT SO MUCH DIRTY AS DISORDERED. HOUSE. HEY, STEVEN. WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT WORKING AND WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO. SHE WANTS TO STUDY TO BE A NURSE. THAT'S A BIG-- THAT'S A DEMANDING PROFESSION. BUT IF THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS, OKAY. WELL,

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

"HOW MUCH YOU WANT? HOW MUCH?" MORE THAN NOW.

laughs

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

MORE THAN NOW. THERE'S ONLY THREE WEEKS LEFT BEFORE SANDY'S VISA EXPIRES AND ONLY TWO WEEKS UNTIL THE WEDDING. YES. HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP? I'M WAY BEHIND IN EVERYTHING.

shrieking

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

-

speaking a Chinese language

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

TO HELP OUT, STEVEN'S BIG BROTHER IS PAYING FOR THE ENTIRE EVENT. TEN. WE'RE TRANSLATING. - OH, YOUR SPEECH. "FIRST I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR COMING TO OUR WEDDING." I THINK STEVEN AND SANDY ARE GETTING TIRED. ONE ITEM, BRAND-NEW. ONE ITEM, OLD. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MEAN. MISS LUM, CAN YOU HELP ME A LITTLE BIT ON THIS? SANDY... AND SO AM I. IT'S PRETTY EXHAUSTING BEING THEIR ON-CALL TRANSLATOR. I ASK SANDY WHO WILL BE HER MAID OF HONOR. I'M REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT SANDY. IS SHE REALLY READY TO MARRY STEVEN? OOPS. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? - YEAH. WHAT DO YOU THINK SANDY GETS OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP-- I MEAN, IT'S REALLY CLEAR WHAT YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, I THINK. WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE GETS OUT OF IT? UH...

chuckles

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

WELL... SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE. A CHANCE AT A NEW LIFE, A NEW WORLD. I MEAN-- OH, GOD. DID THAT MEAN LUNCH IS-- LUNCH IS READY? THIS TASTES GOOD, HON. MANY BOXES HAVE A PHOTO. YEAH, BUT WE GOT COMPANY COMING TONIGHT, AND I--YOU KNOW? NO, I JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU THIS--SEE THE PHOTO. I DON'T KNOW. I TRY AND GET RID OF SOME OF THIS STUFF, AND YOU KEEP BRINGING MORE STUFF OUT. I--WE HAVE COMPANY COMING. - OKAY, OKAY. I WANT TO CLEAN THE HOUSE. -

sighs

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO DEAL WITH THAT BOX OR THIS BOX? I CAN ONLY HAVE ONE BOX AT A TIME. I DON'T KNOW. WHEN I'M DONE WITH THIS ONE, I'LL DEAL WITH THAT ONE. HONEY, LOOK. WE HAVE WEDDING PLANS, WE HAVE ARRANGEMENTS TO MAKE, WE HAVE COMPANY COMING, OR WE HAVE OLD STUFF IN BOXES. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT, THE OLD STUFF IN BOXES? THIS STUFF BEEN HERE 100 YEARS. IT CAN BE HERE ONE MORE MONTH. WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO DO FIRST? CLEAN HOUSE FIRST. WHAT? SPEAK IN ENGLISH. WERE THESE ALL LIKE THIS? WERE THEY ALL DUMPED IN HERE LIKE THIS, OR DID YOU DUMP THEM IN HERE LIKE THIS? THIS IS YOURS. I KNOW-- YOU JUST DUMPED THEM IN HERE LIKE THIS FOR ME TO LOOK AT LIKE THIS? I'M SORRY. THIS IS HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH IT? NICE AND NEAT?

cassettes clattering

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

THAT'S HOW YOU DUMPED IT. THAT'S HOW YOU GIVE IT TO ME. LIKE THAT. -

sighs

crying quietly

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

SO ARE YOU AT ALL-- I MEAN... DO YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S GOING OKAY, I GUESS? IN GENERAL, I THINK I DO. TIMES LIKE YESTERDAY, I HOPE I... I DIDN'T OVERREACT. OKAY. YES. HOLD IT. HOLD IT. - YEAH, HOLD IT. BE CAREFUL! -

chuckling

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

OKAY. WHOA, BEAUTIFUL. READY? - TAKE PICTURE. AS FUNNY AS IT IS, HER A YOUNG GIRL FROM CHINA AND ME AN OLD MAN FROM AMERICA, THAT WE GET ON A WAVELENGTH THAT'S COMPATIBLE. I THINK IT IS FUNNY TO SEE THAT. IT'S REALLY EASY TO SEE HER STRUGGLE. MM-HMM. BUT YOU'RE KIND OF... -

laughs

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

I'M KIND OF A... A SELFISH PIG. ME?

laughs

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

HMM? IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN? DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YEAH, OF COURSE I AM. OF COURSE I'M A SELFISH PIG. ARE YOU JUST SAYING-- REALLY? SHE'S MORE THAN I DESERVE. ALL RIGHT. HAVE A-- WANT THE LAST APPLE? WHEN I HEAR STEVEN SAY THIS, I CAN'T HELP THINK ABOUT WHAT SANDY JUST CONFIDED IN ME. WAS SHE JUST BLOWING OFF STEAM, OR ARE THESE HER REAL FEELINGS? DOES STEVEN HAVE ANY IDEA ABOUT WHAT SHE WAS SAYING? SO... WE HAD A GOOD TRANSLATOR THAT HELPED US OUT. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GOOGLE TRANSLATOR? I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FILMMAKER LADY THAT WE KNOW. YOU COULD MAKE A CAREER. YOU WERE EXCELLENT, BUT-- - A CAREER? YOU'RE-- AS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR.

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

DO THINK I'VE HAD ANY INFLUENCE ON YOU GUYS GETTING MARRIED OR NOT? LIKE, IF I HADN'T BEEN HERE... OH, SHE'S ALREADY SAID THAT "IF IT WASN'T FOR DEBBIE, I'D BE BACK IN CHINA NOW." GLAD YOU MADE IT. MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE ENTERED INTO LIGHTLY BUT WITH CERTAINTY AND A SENSE OF REVERENCE. HAPPY MARRIAGES BEGIN WHEN WE MARRY THE ONE WE LOVE, AND THEY BLOSSOM WHEN WE LOVE THE ONE WE MARRIED. YOU OKAY?

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.

cheers and applause

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT. -

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

I HADN'T PLANNED PAST THIS FAR. ONE, TWO, AND THREE. GOOD. THEY SAY THAT MARRIAGE IS A SACRED UNION. IT SYMBOLIZES THE INTIMATE JOINING OF TWO PEOPLE. DEBBIE, MOVE IN. WHAT AM I DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ONE? I NEVER WANTED TO BE SANDY'S TRANSLATOR. THEN I BECAME HER CONFIDANT. AND STEVEN CONSIDERS ME TO BE HIS MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. NOW THAT THEY'RE ACTUALLY MARRIED, HOW IS THIS STORY GOING TO END? ONE OF THE CHARGES I WAS PUTTING ON THE ACCOUNT FOR THE WEDDING, I CAN'T PUT THE CHECK IN A DAY EARLY, SO I MADE A SERIES OF FOUR OVERDRAFT TRANSACTIONS, AND THAT CUT INTO SOME THINGS WE WERE GONNA DO. IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE THE WEDDING. THIS TIME, SANDY'S THREATS SEEM REAL. SHOULD I TELL STEVEN? I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SAVE. I WAS GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING QUITE IMPORTANT, ACTUALLY. AND... I GUESS I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU NOW. MM-HMM. BUT I'M NOT GONNA FILM YOU GUYS ANYMORE. MM-HMM. I FIGURED IT WAS COMING TO COMPLETION AT ANY RATE, YOU KNOW, AND YOUR INVOLVEMENT WOULD BE WANING AWAY. SO THIS--I UNDERSTAND THIS. OKAY. I'M NOT SURE WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING ANYMORE. I THINK MY ROLE HERE HAS BECOME TOTALLY QUESTIONABLE. I'M GONNA GO NOW. YOU'VE DONE A WONDERFUL, MIRACULOUS JOB EVEN TODAY. BUT YOU'RE NOT GOD. YOU'RE JUST A DIRECTOR. BYE. - BYE, DEBBIE. BYE. I DECIDE TO LET STEVEN AND SANDY FIGURE IT OUT ON THEIR OWN. THREE MONTHS LATER, I GET A CALL FROM SANDY AND SHE TELLS ME IT'S OVER. SANDY WANTS TO MOVE OUT, BUT SHE HAS NOWHERE TO GO. SO PETER AND NANI OFFER HER A PLACE TO STAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE WITHOUT STEVEN. IT'S BEEN 115 DAYS SINCE WE WERE MARRIED. 115 DAYS TODAY. SHE GOT ANOTHER SIDE TO HER. DON'T CROSS IT. THAT'S WHAT I'M DEALING WITH. HARD TO TURN THAT AROUND AGAIN. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? I'M IN LOVE WITH HER. I LOVE HER. AND, YOU KNOW, I GOT MY WHOLE LIFE INVESTED. I'M DEAD WITHOUT HER. MY BROTHER PUT, WHAT, $20,000 INTO THIS WEDDING. I BORROWED $1,000 FROM PETER TO DO-- TO HELP OUT HER MOTHER WITH BREAST SURGERY. SHE HAS NOTHING INVESTED EXCEPT SOME TIME WITH ME. SHE CAN GO BACK TO CHINA. SHE MIGHT HAVE TO. IT TURNS OUT SANDY DUG THROUGH STEVEN'S OLD EMAILS AND NOW SHE'S CONVINCED THAT STEVEN DOESN'T LOVE HER. "WITH TAMMY"-- TAMMY IS HIS SECOND WIFE, RIGHT? "I WAS SO DEDICATED TO THE IDEA OF BEING TRUE "THIS TIME AROUND THAT I STAYED RIDICULOUSLY TRUE TO HER "UP TO TEN YEARS AFTER SHE RAN OFF WITH THE GUY SHE MET AT THE BAR." "I WANT TO BE TRUE BLUE FOREVER TO THE ONE I'M GOING TO BE WITH." SANDY. - "SANDY WILL PROBABLY BE HER." WHAT MEAN? I DON'T KNOW IF I SAID THAT RIGHT. I'M CONFUSED. DO YOU KNOW THAT WORD, CONFUSED? YES, I KNOW. BEAUTIFUL. FOOD IS MEDICINE. YUP. AND YOU HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN THE DOCTOR FOR STEVEN. HE HAD TO MAKE A BIG EFFORT TO FIND YOU. AND IT WAS CRAZY. AND IT'S OVER. HE NEEDED TO FIND YOU. HE NEEDED A FRIEND AND A WIFE. SO NOW HE NEEDS TO CHANGE HIS LIFE FROM THAT LIFE TO THE NEW ONE. IT'S GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME. -

sighs heavily

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

ONE STEP AT A TIME. I FINALLY REALIZED THAT EVEN BEFORE I MET HER, I MADE SO MANY ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT SANDY. YET SO MANY OF THEM TURNED OUT TO BE WRONG. -

sighs heavily

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

IT STILL DOESN'T MAKE PERFECT SENSE TO ME, BUT I THINK SHE DOES LOVE HIM AFTER ALL. AT FIRST I WENT INTO THIS SEARCH THINKING THE TRADITIONAL STEREOTYPE OF GETTING SOMEONE WHO--

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

TO STAY HOME, DO THE HOUSEWORK, CLEAN, YOU KNOW, TAKE CARE OF ME, THAT KIND OF THING. BUT THAT'S-- THAT'S NOT VERY GROWTH ORIENTED. YOU WANT TO GROW, YOU WANT TO GROW TOGETHER. I DUG UP THIS HARD DRIVE THAT-- IS THAT THE ONE THAT SHE FOUND? NO, UH-UH. ACTUALLY, SHE DIDN'T-- IT WASN'T THE HARD DRIVE. IT WAS JUST, I LEFT MY EMAIL OPEN. THE OLD PICTURES, ALL THAT STUFF, LETTERS-- YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS UNSURE, IT WAS KIND OF A SECURITY BLANKET. HERE WE GO. EMPTY TRASH. YOU KNOW, I'M IN A NEW WORLD NOW. WHEN I FIRST STARTED MAKING THIS FILM, I NEVER EXPECTED TO GET SO DRAWN IN TO STEVEN AND SANDY'S STORY. THE STRANGE THING IS STEVEN'S YELLOW FEVER DOESN'T BOTHER ME AS MUCH AS IT DID BEFORE. I CAN SEE THAT HIS OBSESSION WITH ANY ASIAN WOMAN HAS BEEN REPLACED BY REAL LIFE WITH SANDY. HELLO? -

sighs

WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

HELLO. HOW YOU DOING? I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

OH! OH, OH, MY GOD. EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD. CLEAN! OH! THANK YOU.

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE. OH, GOD. I HAD NO SLEEP; I WENT TO WORK LAST NIGHT AND CAME HOME. NO SLEEP. WHY? THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING? YEAH. THINKING--THINKING-- EVERYTHING YOU DO WRONG? YEAH. - OH, THAT'S GOOD. OOH. STRONG. OOH, OOH. STRONG CHINESE GIRL.

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

HONEY? NOBODY'S HERE.

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WE'LL HAVE TO BE REAL

WOW, SO MANY.