Independent Lens

There was a time in my life when I didn't have trouble smiling. I trusted everyone, especially my family. I love you very much. There are happy moments every time I videotaped you guys, it was all that, except in the background, stuff was going on. And now, when I look at them, I see that. I'm sorry I did something bad, okay?

female announcer

Filmmaker Sasha Joseph Neulinger revisits his past trauma to reveal a shocking family secret. When the first thing happened, why didn't you come to me and tell me? A child often is not able to express in words what they're experiencing. They usually show it in their behavior. We had to do everything to keep Sasha alive. Don't give up on me yet.

announcer

"Rewind." Now only on Independent Lens.

dramatic music

announcer

camera beeps, tape winds

rustling

announcer

Hello. I'm Sasha Neulinger, the host of "Shit Diaries." And today, our lovely guest will be... excuse me. What are you doing? Uh... -

playfully

announcer

What are you doing, Bekah?

pensive music

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tape rewinds

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I don't want to curse to my parents, I don't want to be mean to my parents, and I don't want to hate my parents. You know how you have a nightmare and you wish you could go back and change what happened in the nightmare? Stop! - That was amazing. I'm sorry I did something bad, okay? In the moment when the footage actually was being filmed, I hated life. I know vaguely how I got to this place, but there are pieces that are missing. It's a puzzle made from my life, and I feel like I have to put that puzzle back together if I'm ever going to really move on. The real Sasha, the four-year-old Sasha is coming back.

resonant music

announcer

Late in my pregnancy, I started having a medical problem, so I found myself, a month earlier than expected, in the hospital, being monitored. And we came to this moment where there was no choice but to have the child. You know, I called my husband and asked him to come because we're gonna have the baby, and he's not there. And my parents come down. My sister comes in. I've got family around me. There are people there, but still no Henry. Everybody's wondering, "Is Henry okay?" Hours and hours and hours and hours are passing, and finally Henry showed up. And, turns out, Henry had gone to buy a video camera. We're rolling. - Hi. Hello, my little baby. What's the matter? What? The camera immediately became a wall between Henry and the family. Does he look like his mom? It was something that became intrusive to me because it was constant. And it felt to me like I lost my husband. My husband disappeared into this lens.

chuckles

announcer

She's over there.

laughs

announcer

Yeah, no, I'm not in this video. Don't-- She's not in this video. - Henry, turn it around. Oh. He's just laying here for now, huh? Very good. Well, this is-- Grandpa, what does it mean to you to have a great-grandchild? Heaven? That's right. That's right. What did you feel when you first--the first time you ever saw him, how did you feel? Look at that. It's wonderful. This is the world's most documented family. Coming from both sides. Hello. Hello. Hello. It won't break it? Uh, yes and no.

indistinct conversations

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Happy birthday... There he is. Daddy, it's all finished now. The tape--now take the tape out. You don't want me to take your picture anymore? No. - Why? I just don't want you to. What do you want me to do?

static buzzing softly

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Why do you have all of this footage? Yeah, I--you know what? It's just stuff I've accumulated over the years, and I got into it. And I don't know some of the people that are in these films because some of them aren't marked, but to me, it felt like, you know, these were people's lives. Somebody took the time to record what they were in their lives-- their happy moments, you know? That's what home movies were. It wasn't-- you didn't film things that were bad. You know, you took out the movie camera 'cause it was a celebration, because it was a trip, because it was a party. And that--every time I videotaped you guys, it was all that. Except in the background, stuff was going on. And now when I look at them... I see that. My soda? - Right here. Do you want to come up and get it? Commercial, a little X-rated. Well, it's mixed company. Let's go. Henry and Larry, they played off each other really well, but it was almost like a performance piece. We've always been hooked as brothers. Larry was Sasha's godfather. That was Henry's choice. It was his brother. I don't think that Howard was pleased about it. -

humming

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My brother Howard was the first born. My brother Larry was born five years later, and then I was born in 1955. There was no question in my mind that my brother Howard was my mother's favorite. He was this budding opera star. I would go to see him in operas, and we'd all go, and Howard would get written up in the newspaper and his picture taken.

in baritone voice

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Wow, that voice, and his--his demeanor, and his, like, strength of character onstage, and he was dramatic, and he was very strong, and he had this deep, baritone voice. He was, like...

speaks normally

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Somebody to be reckoned with. -

singing somberly in foreign language

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soft music

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Henry's the first Jewish man I ever dated. You know, my parents had always said, "You're gonna marry a Jewish man." He was living in Maine. He was creating programming for PBS up there. I was living in Philadelphia. I was a graphic designer. I loved her creativity, her intellectual capacity. We could have these really interesting discussions about anything. We moved into it really rather fast. Let's hear it for the chef!

cheers and applause

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Jacqui was born on Thursday, July 20, 1961, and in the headlines, NASA put man in space. Commander Alan Shepard, Jr. makes the ordinal flight. What was the time like for you then? Was it a happy time? Um... there was just so much happening. You know, we built this organic garden in the back, and we were growing our own food. I mean, it was really nice. It felt like it was just this amazing, big playground where everybody could be happy. We were renovating the house. We were starting a business successfully. You know, the fabric of life-- there was a lot that was beautiful. It was early. Before Sasha was born, we wanted to find a place where there were good schools and some greenery around our house, some open space. In the 1800s, they had built a railroad, and the railroad would go out to what were the Philadelphia suburbs. People wouldn't go near this house that we saw because it was kind of overgrown, and you looked in the window, and it was--hadn't been, like, painted or anything done in, like, you know, 30 years. And Jacqui and I looked at it, and we saw right through that. We saw what the potential was.

indistinct chatter

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Suddenly we found ourselves kind of, like, the meeting house-- the meeting place for the family. -

singing operatically

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If I loved you Words wouldn't come in an easy way

cheers and applause

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We had this beautiful home and this yard and this porch. It was bliss. It was like everything was like a fairy tale. Hi. - How are you? Can you tell us who we have there? Who is that? -

whispering

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Rebekah. - Rebekah? And who is Rebekah? Rebekah. And who is she? Rebekah Anne. - Is it your sister? Bekah was born shortly after we moved in to the house in Rosemont, um... and Sasha was really delighted. He was, you know, so joyful to have a little sister. He couldn't wait to come home from, you know, playdates or daycare and, you know, run to find her and run to be with her. -

shouting playfully

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What's outside? Sasha was an extraordinary child. He was very interactive. He was very present.

indistinct chatter

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I love you. - You love me. I love you very much. - And my daddy does. Yes, he does. There was a time early on-- Sasha was a very little boy, and he said to me one morning--he said, "Mom, I chose you to be my mother "because you're the person who can help me become the person that I'm supposed to be." And I'm looking at him and thinking, "Wow. What does he mean?" You know? He was a little kid. And then he paused and he said, "And I had to wait a really long time for you because you weren't ready." Miss America

laughs

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He was an unusual child. Very intense, very focused, and very joyful. Sasha, you're on TV. - Can I see? Can I see? -

laughs

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I would like to see. Can I see? Lean back. Ready? Great. Back. There was a tremendous change in Sasha between kindergarten and first grade. In kindergarten, they called me in to school and told me that they'd done some standardized testing and that Sasha had scored at an extraordinarily high level. The teacher said that he clearly was gonna need special support because of his incredible gifts.

cheers and applause

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By the following year, Sasha was increasingly struggling being able to read or write. He was quickly moved into a support system for kids that were not keeping up. Sasha didn't want to go to school anymore. He started to have episodes where he would seem withdrawn. All right, let me see your real mask now, Sasha. What about your real... Here it comes! Those trains are all doing some damage work out there, coming from city to city. Yeah? What do you think they're towing? What are they carrying? I think they're carrying lots of stuff serious. Medicines. Like, so why--when the first thing happened, why didn't you come to me and tell me? Like, certainly you felt safe and you felt that I loved you and you knew that I would protect you. I didn't. I-- - I mean, you can see it. Me, right there in that moment, I had never been abused. After I was abused and I walked downstairs... with my abuser... after it had all happened, the first thing was you offered him food and gave him a hug. But we didn't know what he did. I didn't-- I was just a little kid.

fireworks booming

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Dad, get the video camera. -

laughing

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What do you think I'm doing? He started asking for the camera, as he got older, more often than me just showing up with the camera. He started to see that the video camera wasn't just something that you recorded happy times, but it was a tool. And do it close, Dad, and make it look like I'm going... Climbing up the mountain? Oh, my God. "Dad, take the camera. And I wanna say something." Come here a minute. Let me tell you what I want it to be, Dad. Well, tell us what we're doing. Look. Right here. We're having a funeral for my guinea pig. Why can't we open it up and see? No, we don't-- - I'm not gonna remember him. We don't want to open up-- - It's my guinea pig. I know, but it's not good for you to look at him now, okay? Trust me. - It's all right, Dad. Trust me. - It's all right. It's three against one. -

grunts

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Just a second. How about we all shut our eyes? Because I want him to be, like, in there, not with the box, 'cause he needs to, like, take the plants and the veins up with him. Yeah. - In other words, he doesn't think he should be in a box. He should be planted in the earth? Yeah. - And go back to the earth but, like, naturally? - Yeah. Why would you want to bury someone in a box? I order you to put him back in the earth. So a box is, like-- - The earth is how he was made. The earth--Mother Earth. A box is, like, a thousand times smaller-- I just feel like that's really good for him. Tell me how--tell me why. Explain that to me. I order him to be buried without the box. With freedom to be feeling the plants. Here's the box. Shall we take him out and put him in? He was a great guinea pig.

plucking guitar notes

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Justin, son of Sasha. I can't get no Satisfaction But I try, try, try

continues playing

ambient music

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It was across there. It was so huge, and, you know, grown, like, with the leaves to the ground. I don't know whether it is still alive. It's been a lot of years. Did you--did you pick the tree, or did I pick it? Um... I think you went over to play in it. You were at daycare. And I came to pick you up one day from daycare, and we went home and I gave you a bath. And I put you in the tub, and you started crying the minute you hit the water. and what you said was, "There's swords in my penis." And there was an abrasion on your penis. So I called the pediatrician and I took you right to the office. You wouldn't say anything. All you would say was, "Another boy pinched me." I said to him, "Is there any chance "that there's an adult that is acting inappropriately with Sasha?" He said, "You don't want to open that door." This is the doctor saying that? The doctor said to me-- he said, "If you open this door "and we report this, they're gonna come-- "they're gonna come to your house. "They're gonna remove your husband from the house. "This is gonna become public. "It's gonna be terrible for your family. You don't wanna open this door." Is this it? - Yeah.

stirring piano music

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It's not a willow, but weeping something. I think it's a weeping cherry.

birds singing

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Why did we come to this tree? You were becoming um, increasingly dangerous to yourself. Like, we'd be driving, and you would open the door and try and jump out. You were expressing that something was awful and you didn't want to continue living. So that's why we came here. It was completely free from any possible connection to what might have happened. I said, "You know"-- "you know that good people do good things." And you said, "Yeah," and I said, "And you know that bad people can do bad things." And you said, "Yeah," and I said, "Well, you know, sometimes bad people do good things." And you kinda looked at me, and I said, "And sometimes good people do bad things." And you looked at me, and you said, "Are you gonna kill me now?" Um...

somber, resonant music

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Okay.

singing strangely

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What's your name? - Hey, get to the movie!

in strange accent

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I'm--I'm not normal. You're not normal? - Yeah. Why? Because my name's Squeegee Luigi, 'cause I go like this.

singing strangely

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Sasha, we want to go to the-- - Bekah, get out of the movie! Shh, shh. Do you want to go to the, um--the, um... Exqueeze--I'm in a movie theater! Go get the dog.

tense music

Sasha shouts

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Hey! Sorry. Sorry.

shouting

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I'm sorry I did something bad, okay?

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I can make you a cup of espresso. Yeah, sure. You want espresso? - Sure. It can even do a latte. Actually, I'm really into soy lattes right now. Oh, my God, really? - Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, I'm not--I'm not politically correct. I don't--I don't use soy. Well, it's not about politics.

laughs

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I know. - It's about not wanting dairy. I'll have a soy latte with-- - So you got the judgment on the soy latte people? -...free-range milk, you know? Judgment on the soy latte? - No, no, no. No. If you're gonna have coffee, have it with some cream, for God sakes. Really. So... So how are you? -

clears throat

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Well, let's see. It's like this whole revisiting all of this has kinda displaced me. Hmm. You know, and it's kind of like... it's been a struggle to keep track of where I am today, and having to revisit the past so that we can talk about it, it's caused me a--you know, some depression and some anger. I start to feel like-- it reminds me--I feel like I'm slipping back. When I think about my mother, I was sort of, you know, tolerated...

swallows

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More than loved. My mother was inaccessible emotionally. She compensated by being very gregarious. You see? Do they know how to make love?

laughter

noisemaker blowing

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Now, whoo! It rubs off... -

laughs

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You know, it works both ways. But when there weren't people around-- Are you not talking about that? All I can remember is my mother berating my father every single day of his life. She ridiculed him, emasculated him, and he just stood there and took it.

indistinct chatter

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My father hated confrontation, and my mother, she avoided anything emotional. -

singing

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'Cause I lived in an environment of judgment and pain, I became a very angry child. And I manifested that way in becoming kind of, like, a joker, you know, trying to make people laugh all the time.

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-

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-

laughs

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You ever see two nuts like that in your life? And I think it was because, you know, I could make people laugh and I could be somebody else. -

laughing

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He's filming all that. Henry? Henry?

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-

laughing

laughter

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We're gonna get watched by other people across the way too.

news playing indistinctly on television

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Dad, give me another funny face. Funny face. Take off your glasses, and let me see your eyes roll. Oh, come on, Sasha. - Favorite. Come on. Come on. The scream. I don't want to do the scream now. I want to watch TV with Rebekah. Why don't you go shoot something that's interesting instead of me? I got a call at the office from a therapist he was seeing at the time, and Jacqui said, you know, "You have to come over here right now. This is important." I remember walking into that office, and he never made contact-- eye contact. I mean Dr. Vogelson. I went to shake his hand. And, like--he kinda acted like--it was weird. It's like, well, wouldn't you, like, look at somebody that comes into your office and at least acknowledge their, you know--so he was acting very strange to me. And I was like, "Okay. Whatever." I sat down, and then, of course, he proceeded to tell me that you said some things and that they implied that something happened to you by someone within the family. Sexually? - "Some--something sexually "happened, and I think he's been abused sexually, and you're the prime suspect at this time." He kept looking at me very sternly. He said, "I suggest that you have an attorney. I suggest that you have a lie detector t"-- it was like--like, he--he says, "My job is to protect your son." And he threatened to say that, if they thought I was a threat, that they would have me removed from the house. You know, I was shit because I was the prime suspect. "I'm a spoiled brat. "I'm a bitch. "I suck. I am a"... "Loser." - "Loser." I remember being in my bedroom, watching the ink kind of spill into the fabric as I was writing. Then you came down into the kitchen with those as a mask over your head. I think you wore this part more, like, around your--like, under your mouth, and this came up over your head. Like... Yeah, like that. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. But you were little and it covered your eyes then. And I asked you to take it off, and you wouldn't. And you got a knife, and you were threatening to kill yourself. I remember Stewart was like, "Come on, dude. Take it off. Come on," and he was, like, really pushing you to, like, not do this. My nephew Stewart, Larry's second son, he was discharged from the air force, and he wanted to go back and live with his parents. Well, his mom had remarried, and his stepfather said, "No, you can't come back here. "When I was 18, I was thrown out of the house. You're a man now. You're not coming home." So Stewart came to live with us for a few months, and he helped me around the house. He was very happy to watch the kids. Dad's not having his softball match for a while.

noisemakers blowing

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All right. Say that again, Sasha.

unsettling music

indistinct chatter and noisemakers blowing

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pained ambient music

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Is that everything? Is that-- That's--these are my complete medical records. Of our time of-- - Of your treatment with me. Kay. - Or our encounters. -

laughs

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Call it that. Our encounters. Ten years of encounters. When I first saw Sasha, he was a cute little boy whose parents were confused and desperate, and the boy himself was spewing vituperation, anger. Whatever the problem was that you were having, it was very deep. And you weren't saying a lot. A child often is not able to express in words what sort of dysfunction they're experiencing. They usually show it in their behavior. It's really helpful to ask the child to draw pictures. "I did not get any attention," and there's--I don't even know what these creatures are. They're, like, angry dogs, maybe. Anything on the back? Let's see. "This is a picture of how I felt when I wanted to jump out of the window." So it's--Bekah, Mom, and Dad are together, and I'm alone. It's not that I didn't get love. It's that I didn't feel lovable.

gasps

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We left Dr. Lustig's place one afternoon. We got into the car. You were both in the back seat, and Bekah started crying. And I turned around, and she was screaming, and you were grabbing her chest. And I said, "Stop that. What are you doing?" And you said, "I'm doing a titty twister." And Bekah was hysterical, crying at that point. You said, "Bekah has a private club with Stewart, "and if I were you, I'd wanna know what was going on in that private club." That was all that you said, and then you didn't touch her again the whole way home. So we sit down, and I said to Bekah, "Sasha said that you have a private club with Stewart." And she said, "Yup," and I said, "Okay, what happens in the club?" She said, "I can't say it."

both laugh sadly

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She was so little, Sasha. And I said, "Could you draw it?" And she said, "Yup." So I got her a piece of paper and a pen. I was just, you know, coming down the stairs, and I remember my brother kinda came around the corner, and I locked eyes with him, and I was just terrified. And at that moment, I knew that he knew. No words were exchanged.

desolate piano music

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While the abuse would happen, it would, for the most part, be in his room in the attic, and there was this picture of a cat. I would just look at this picture. Like, I would feel everything that was happening-- um, him touching me, penetrating me, making me touch him. But I would still just be lost in that picture. I wasn't even present. I wasn't there. My mind wasn't there. Someone turned the lights out. You know, it was scary for me to draw that picture and tell her. But at the same time, I felt like, in a way, death would be better than having to endure that.

voice breaking

exhales

hearts beating into microphone

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Thank you.

somber ambient music

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This is what I imagined my sister was going through. This is what I-- these are the images I saw in my mind. The only reason I felt comfortable starting to even talk about what was happening to me was because I felt obligated to tell my parents or hint to my parents what was happening to my sister. I knew that Bekah was the most beautiful person in the world, and if he was doing that to her, then, "Maybe what he was doing is wrong, and also, I don't want him to do it to her anymore." He, you know, had the courage to talk to my mom about what was happening. Not exactly what was going on, but kinda beat around the bush and said, "You should talk to Bekah." And I just remember, after that, you know, everything just kind of exploded. In the confines of this office, which he regarded as safe, he began to tell me what had happened.

increasingly dark music

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And this is it. July '98. This is the drawing. This is the drawing. This is the drawing that revealed-- Larry. - Larry. Holy shit. That's your candle? Yeah? Cameraman, cameraman Photographs events whenever he can "If you tell, I'll kill you," and there's someone hanging from a noose peeing blood, a woman on spikes, and a devil in flames. 10/7/99. Uncle Howie in hell. This drawing... the Thanksgiving where Howard pinched my penis. -

singing in foreign language

pianist playing flowing music

singing in foreign language

growls

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I overheard my parents yelling, and my mom said something along the lines of, like, "How could you let them come into our house, "your brothers? How could you let this happen?" And I knew that Sasha was being abused as well by more people than I was. "How could you let this happen?" meant, "How could you let these people into our house that would abuse our children?" -

crying

no audible dialogue

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We have all this whole neighborhood. This is the introduction to the "What's Wrong With Henry?" video, starring Henry Nevison as him-frigging-self. Myself! Not not-myself, because I have to be me if I'm gonna play-- like, of course it's "himself." But sometimes I'm not myself when I'm normally myself.

sings comically

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You're not the person You think you're not if you're the person I know I am I'm not the person you know you are We're always the people we know we're not

all warbling comically

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-

laughing

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Stewart.

phone ringing

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Okay. That's all you need? That's it. - Okay. Thank you. Hi there. We're here to see Detective Ohrin? Yeah. Elevator, second floor.

indistinct conversations

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October 29, 1998, your parents came in to the police station. They laid out this general timeline, and I just sat there like, "Oh, boy. Oh, jeez. This is gonna be a mess," you know? -

chuckles

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Real--realistically. "Okay, you have all this information. Now what do you do?" We have Larry, we have Stewart, and we have Howard, okay? You know, Howard was in New York City. That would create its own set of problems. He's a cantor in Temple Emanu-El. It's the largest synagogue in the world. Every mover and shaker in New York is there. It's a high-profile place.

choir singing religious music

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The guy sang for the Pope. He's well-respected, and to lock up somebody like that, you gotta get-- you have to start getting all your ducks in a row. Stewart. Stewart was MIA. He's--he was somewhere, but nobody knew where he was. He was around the area. I would get to him. Larry. I knew where Larry was. He lived about an hour away. So I went up to see him. Who's that?

slurring comically

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Who's that? Who in the world are you? I just showed up cold on a whim. He could have slammed the door in my face. We talked to him, and confronted him with the issues that you were-- about abusing you. And he was, you know, adamant that, "This didn't happen. No, you got the wrong guy." You know? And he said, "Give me a polygraph examination. I want to take a polygraph exam." He doesn't do too well. So we just tell that he really didn't do too well, it's time to maybe clear the air. And his lip started quivering, and he basically told the truth. He confessed. It was like li-- a burden was lifted off his shoulders. Wow. -

in British accent

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I'm Lawrence Nevison from BBC Broadcasting. I'm here and feeling rather well. -

clears throat

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The television would be running, and every Sunday night, my parents would go out. And my brother would be home, babysitting me. And he would put a blanket over me, and it would--the blanket would kinda come up to about here. And then he'd pull my pants down. And then he'd put his penis-- my penis in his mouth. I have to say that, obviously, it was somewhat pleasurable, but at the same time, very strange and awkward. And then it got to a point where I didn't want him to do it to me anymore. And he'd get angry. And of course, I didn't know it at the time, but no wonder, because my brother Howard brutalized him. And I don't know how many times. Raped him his entire life.

unsettling music

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You know, and I remember kinda looking up, wanting it to end... and... just feeling so dirty. He called it the lollipop game. -

in accent

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Yes. -

in accent

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Yes. It sounds like they both did the same parallel things-- - They did the same things because--yeah, 'cause Larry was gentle, but I felt so dirty. Yeah. - So disgusting and so confused. What he did was his distorted idea of expressing his love for me. We really had this loving relationship, even though I was also afraid of him. But Howard, on the other hand-- to me, I don't even think it was sexual. I think for Howard, it was just an act of dominance. "I will make you know that I am the boss." What?

indistinct chatter

shouts grotesquely

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Would you please stay tuned, if you possibly can stand it? I can't any longer, but I've got to be here because it's my job. You people, you can--you can get up, and you can change the bloody station! I can't. I'm stuck here with all these insane individuals, and I've gotta do this, and I'm foaming at the mouth. I've got to compose myself. -

laughs

laughter echoes, fades

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I remember Dr. Lustig put us on speakerphone and dialed Dad's phone. Dad answered, and you told him that Howard had hurt you. And there was this long pause. And what Dad said was, "Well, I know it's true because he did it to me when I was a kid." That was the first time that your father made any reference or disclosed that he had been a victim of abuse or that any abuse had occurred in his family. In all of this--all-- before we were married, the years of our marriage, therapy sessions, and your increasing awful trouble and Dr. Vogelson's theories that Dad was abusing you-- in all of this-- you becoming suicidal and staying that way for a significant period of time, Dad never shared with me that there was any history of any kind of sexual abuse in his family, or that he had been abused at the hands of his brothers, who had been frequent visitors, with open arms, to our home and who had had access to you. And I was furious. I was furious with him.

music playing on home video

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There's something on it. There's something on it.

indistinct conversation

audio slowing and reversing

mouse clicks

audio blips, stops

audio stutters, slows

audio plays distortedly

audio stuttering, mouse clicking

distorted conversation playing

audio stuttering, mouse clicking

dark music

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bass note

stirring music

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I just wanted to just crawl into a deep hole because the--the guilt... Uh... and for a while, I was suicidal. But, um... I couldn't-- I couldn't check out because I loved my kids too much. and I couldn't hurt them again.

unsettling ringing

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Larry, he confessed, and this sort of got the ball rolling, you know? That was the--that started the whole--the whole show. Six days later, we end up tracking Stewart.

chatter

all

Like this. I have none. No imperfections. Right. That's--that's great. That's great. Now, we charged Larry early February. We charged Stewart at the end of February. He had 16 counts-- two felonies, two misdemeanors-- but 16 different offenses. At each moment, you think you've hit this milestone where you think, "Okay, now it's just, "we gotta run through the process, but soon, we can get on with our lives." Not the way it works. It was this endless process of having to appear, going in to the police department. The children have been interviewed by Detective Ohrin, by third-party doctors, by Children and Youth, by the DAs themselves, by various DAs in the Sex Crimes Unit. What that does to the victim is throw them right back into the place where they were when they started. Larry's trial was relatively swift. There was the confession. The confession was allowed. And I remember the anguish of Larry's wife. She finds herself with her husband in handcuffs, being taken away for 17 to 22 years. Stewart was scheduled to go on trial November of that year. He saw what his father had received back in July and said, "Huh. I'm gonna take a plea." And I think, at that time, he admitted being abused by Larry. He did, like, a 1 1/2 years or 2 years, and he had to go to a halfway house. The rules set for probation, I think-- I think he violated them, and I think they put him back in for I don't know how long. Child sexual abuse is the vile gift that keeps on giving. And we know that Larry had received it from Howard. We know that Stewart had received it from his father, Larry. The big question is... Did anyone give the gift to Howard? Let's go, Howie.

laughter

all

It was never revealed in their household... or certainly, his younger brothers Larry and Henry knew nothing about it.

playful shouting

all

Shh. Can't hear the rhythm.

clapping

all

Is this for... "Billy Goat has no Milk?" I almost wrote it down, and... - Go in there and see the baby. Don't--don't--

laughter

all

You know, the successful conviction of Stewart. Howard's the only one left. - Mm-hmm. And Howard's just sitting there. Right. It was two years from the time that Larry and Stewart were convicted until Uncle Howard's preliminary hearing. Why? Because the nature of his abuse of Sasha... -

sniggers sarcastically

all

Is different than those of Larry and Stewart-- much more violent.

increasingly dark music

all

There was something about you being upstairs in the bedroom with Howard when everybody else was downstairs that just felt off to me. And I went up the stairs and I approached the door to your bedroom, and it was closed. And I knocked on the door, and I said, "Hey, what's going on? How's everybody? What are you doing in there?" And Howard said, "Oh, we're good. We're playing. We're having uncle-nephew time." And, um... I walked away. Why didn't you open the door? Howard's voice, the tone of his voice, the ease with which he responded, um, felt very normal to me. "In my room, the door was closed. "He laid me on the floor, pulled my pants down. "He was on top of me in a push-up position. "What he stuck up my butt "was wet. "It hurt. He was taking it up "and putting it back in. "He got off, pulled up-- my pants back-- "pulled my pants back up. "Then he pulled up his pants and said, 'Tell anyone, and I'll kill you.'" And I really believed that it was only a matter of time before Howard would crawl through my bedroom window and kill me. Sasha was frightened to death of having to face Uncle Howard and testify publicly that Uncle Howard had violated him. If that mockingbird don't sing

claps rapidly

all

Papa's gonna buy me a mocking ring A what? - A what?

laughter

all

"A mocking ring"!

laughter

all

A diamond ring.

laughter continues

dance music playing

all

Sasha, don't do that shit, okay? Please? I have no patience for that. What do you think? Am I too hot? - Just please-- Sasha, please. Am I too hot for you? I wanna dance too. Quiet! Smile. Bekah. Come on. You're on tape. You're on live TV. What happened? About what? You mean I did something bad? What are you doing? I was sad 'cause I didn't know why he was hurting me. I didn't know what I had done wrong, but I wasn't angry because I knew that he was just having a really hard time like I was. But I was dealing with it differently. We were in big trouble. His behavior became scary. Turn off the thing, you...

growling

screaming

growling

all

He was completely unpredictable and completely uncontrollable. So Jacqui had to stop working. We had to do everything to keep Sasha alive, not destroying himself. We went from being very prominent to having to close our doors. And then, of course, eventually, it destroyed our marriage. The kids where primarily at Jacqui's house. They weren't living with me. But it was a very, very difficult time. Go, Sash. Go, Sasha!

hockey team shouting

cheers and applause

all

All right! - Sasha! Yeah, Sash! Pick it up. Is that a face that could win a game? Yeah. - This is your chance, Sasha. There you go. Everybody's name will be announced.

whistle blows

all

Uh-oh. You're awesome. You aren't tired. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it so much. It's awesome, though. -

laughs

all

Thank you. Oh, it's just so cool to play for my dad. You don't have to if you don't want to. It's not-- you do whatever you need to do. It's not--I don't-- - Well, I want t--I want to. Because I want to really share with you what I felt.

exhales heavily

all

"What are you gonna do, Howie?" I called him Howie. "What are you gonna do, Howie? What are you do--" How--how old were you, Dad? - What? How old were you? - Probably was no more than six or seven. And I'm, like, l--I'm-- I'm leaning over the tub like this, naked, butt naked. My shirt's still on. And I'm, like, wondering, like, "Does he want me to throw up, or--or-- what is it that he wants me to do?" It was such a searing pain, I literally saw stars. You know, people say, "I saw stars because there was so much--" I did. I saw them. And I focused on the tiles that are still there now. And I prayed that that pain would leave me as soon as it possibly could. I prayed that that pain would go away. How could you, on your watch, let this happen again to your own children in your home? It's that question that's taken me a very long time to answer to myself, let alone explain it to someone else, let alone someone giving you the opportunity to even answer that question, because many times, people didn't even want to ask me why. They just looked at me and wondered, "How?" To me, what they did to me was some sort of-- like, an anomaly. No one told me, you know, "Henry, you know, that's child sexual abuse. And then you suffer from PTSD." Did you even know what the term child sexual abuse was? No, nobod--no one--look. If I knew that what they did to me was an indication of something that could be repeated, they would have not been within a mile of you guys, and they wouldn't have been in my life.

gentle music

all

A year after I was born, my father had a nearly fatal heart attack and couldn't work, so my mother had to go out to work in a sweatshop, making sweaters. And my father stayed home and he became Mr. Mom. So my father had a much greater influence over me than my mother did. My father was a much more giving, emotional, compassionate, generous person. My two brothers, of course, were under my mother's rule. My father worked a lot of hours. He had a grocery store and a butcher shop. So it was a big change when my father became my primary caregiver. I know in my heart that the reason why I turned out differently than both of my brothers... is because of my father.

hopeful music

all

My father taught me different things than my mother would have taught me. My father taught me about love. Your father did his self-appointed task very well. He just didn't consider that he might have to protect his kids from a person other than himself.

unsettling music

all

What was the main sticking point? What was the main reason why we weren't ready to go after Howard? I--I know there was the concern about your fear and your ability to, uh-- to stand up to that and our ability to--to get the appropriate conviction based upon your ability to come into court. I talked to your mom, and what she shared with me was, over a number of conversations, you needed this to heal. You and me together, we're still gonna see much more good, beautiful stuff. Don't give up on me yet. We had decided to proceed in February. We had approved the arrest. So Detective Ohrin went to New York to arrest Howard Nevison.

Went to Howard's condo about 4

30, took him back to their police station. He ended up calling the head DA in Manhattan at the time on his cell phone. His name is Morgenthau. He was a prosecutor in Manhattan forever. People had told me that "Law & Order"-- the show--was based on him. The district attorney from Manhattan at the time, Robert Morgenthau, had allowed Howard to not go through the normal process for arrest. so instead of bringing him back to Montgomery County, they were going to go through extradition proceedings up in New York. And that was really the first window that I had into the kind of power that this-- that this individual held.

journalists chattering

Went to Howard's condo about 4

It's all right. - No. It's outrageous.

REPORTER

That is the powerful voice of Howard Nevison. Cantor Nevison is seen here helping to celebrate the High Holidays at the largest Reform Jewish temple in the United States. As a cantor, he's been a central figure in the Manhattan temple, leading Jewish congregants young and old in song. Nevison is accused of sexually molesting the boy between 1993 and 1997, when the boy was only 7 years old. Nevison's brother, Lawrence, and Lawrence's son, Stewart, are already in jail for molesting the same child. The victim's own father and his Uncle Lawrence tell police they were also violently sodomized by Howard Nevison when they were young boys. Howard Nevison posted bail and is free until his preliminary hearing.

dark music fading

REPORTER

What's the turning point, then? At what point did I decide, "Hey, you know what? I can do this. I can face Howard"? The person who had the greatest respect in the Neulinger family was your maternal great-grandfather, the one who took the family out of Europe. So what do you think about your great-grandson? My zayde. Your zayde.

stirring music

REPORTER

I wanted to have Joseph protect you. You were able to get a skullcap of his. You mean a yarmulke? - Yarmulke. So you had your zayde's skull--yarmulke. And I had already changed my name. And your name had already been changed. I didn't want to share a name with my abusers anymore, and that's why letting go of the Nevison name was so important to me. See, there's no more boys... Yes. - To carry on the name in marriage. You know? And, uh... I'm gonna take your name. My name is going to be Sasha Joseph Neulinger. My--my dad changed it with the official law. My name is now Sasha Joseph Neulinger. And why the Joseph? Because I love you. Because you love me? And he said the Neulingers are always so loving and kind, and it would be an honor for him to continue this name, and especially that he loves you so much. It's unbelievable, when you tell that to somebody. Right. We already filed it with the attorney.

stirring music

REPORTER

And right before you were to testify against Howard, we did this prayer here in the office. "Praised be thou, oh Lord, our God, king of the universe, "who has kept us in life and has sustained us and privileged us to reach this season of justice." We had practiced that, whenever you were feeling unsure of yourself, at least with regard to testifying against Howard, you could put on his yarmulke. And... he would be able to protect you. Three years ago, the district attorney's office arrested and prosecuted the real perpetrators. This child has put different faces and different names on these kinds of allegations. They tried every which way to confuse you. You testified for about an hour and a half, and then the defense attorney-- one of them--said, "Well, this person that abused you looked like your Uncle Howard?" And you said to the effect of, "No. That was Uncle Howard." He go, "Well, the person that abused you, was he heavier than your Uncle Howard?" And you go, "No. That was my Uncle Howard." "Well, was he skinnier?" You said, "No. That was my Uncle Howard." You said something to the--along the line of, "Look"--after this...

chuckles

REPORTER

It went on for a few minutes. "Look, if my mother gains or loses 100 pounds, "I know it's my mother, all right? "This is the guy that did those things to me. "That's him. That's my Uncle Howard. He did those things to me." Well, I'm looking at the gallery, and everybody, like, to a man is going, "Holy shit, man. This kid is solid." It was truth. He testified, I think, better than anyone else could about how devastating it was, how frightening and unpleasant and scary it was. The acts committed against him were truly disgusting and have indelibly affected his life. Do you have anything to say in your own defense, sir? Anything to say, sir? - No. The judge is allowing Howard Nevison to return to New York while he awaits trial. He is out of jail on a $250,000 bond.

His next court date

June 13th. So... a "Philadelphia Inquirer" article the day after the preliminary hearing. It's incredible. "Midway through his testimony, "he pulled out a white, black-rimmed yarmulke "as if he'd forgotten it while sitting during services and placed it on his curly brown hair." And then he continued. And he hurt Uncle Howard. Uh, that took two years. Um... I still have...

inhales deeply

His next court date

My yarmulke in the drawer.

soft emotional music

His next court date

Incredible courage... From that little boy.

birds chirping

His next court date

This is my grandpa's backyard.

sighs

His next court date

Hi, this is the day of my bar mitzvah. I'm still in my pajamas. But who cares? Anyway, uh, you know, today I become a Jewish man. I just--I am so happy to be surrounded by people that love me. I mean, it's like I have this huge wall of people that I love and that love me, but I'm gonna see you guys today. I'm gonna see you at the bar mitzvah. And let's hear it for our man, Sasha, now! Come on!

remix of 2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This" playing

His next court date

Now we need you out of your seats. Everybody up. Come on. Let's hear it for him.

cheers and applause

His next court date

-

trilling

His next court date

Y'all ready for this? I like to move it, move it Come on, let's hear it for my man, here.

cheers and applause

His next court date

He did a great job today. I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it Give it up!

cheers and applause

His next court date

How's everyone tonight?

cheers and applause

His next court date

I'm happy. I'm really happy.

ambient music

His next court date

My mom said that after the preliminary hearing with Howard, she noticed a difference in me. Of course. You won. Well, I hadn't won 'cause he wasn't convicted of anything-- - Doesn't matter. Wh--how do you mean I won? You testified what-- about what that man did to you in front of him... quite capably. And whatever happened subsequent to that was the responsibility of the judicial system. It had nothing to do with Sasha.

REPORTER

Temple Emanu-El issued this statement today, saying, "The cantor has been a faithful servant "to our congregation for 23 years, "and never in all of that time has there been any suggestion "of improper behavior on his part. "We continue to presume Cantor Nevison innocent until proven otherwise." All right, so that's 2002, though, and it's 2006 by the time-- - Okay. We fi--what-- then there's four more years. What happened? - There's four more years. Four years of your life disappeared. What happened? You came to law enforcement at a time when the way that we handled cases like this was that a child would be interviewed by many different people. So the first report comes in, and there might be a responding police officer who has some communication with you, and there might be a social worker and a detective and a prosecutor and the people at the hospital who you talk to-- both a social worker and a nurse and a doctor. And then at the end of this whole process, I mean, there were dozens-- dozens of different statements being attributed to you, some of which probably didn't even reflect what you said to anybody at a different time. Right. Recollecting the same story for the 47,000th time in this series of endless people that you have to talk to, and, you know, maybe the shade of the color of the shirt that you were wearing that day four years ago is recollected as a different shade of blue. And then the defense attorney's gonna jump in and say, "See? This is not a viable witness." Howard's two attorneys, they filed motions for that-- since you and I spoke a lot over the years, that, somehow, I coerced you into your statement. They s--they filed motions that you were hypnotized by the psychiatrist. It got to the point where I-- playing youth hockey, you had a concussion, so there was some motion they filed that basically-- that, because of the injury, you were confused. The lawyers in this case represented the defendant very zealously. But that--but what that zealous representation revealed is that, you know, it was just gonna be an all-out war against you. A letter was sent out to the members of the Temple Emanu-El up in New York City. So they had a fundraiser for Howard. And they were asking the congregants to provide money to his defense fund. When you have two attorneys that have an unlimited supply of funds, they can file a lot of motions. It delayed the process over years, drew it out to a point that was absolutely unnecessary and caused additional harm. Ultimately we got through all of those motions and got to the place where we were actually getting ready to go to trial. So there was one felony charge and four misdemeanor charges against Howard Nevison. And it was with that framework--you know, where we had a trial date set and we were ready to go that the defense attorney approached me about trying to resolve it and a possible plea. The most significant penalty would have come from the one felony charge, punishable by up to 20 years in prison. The proposal that was suggested by the defense was a plea to their five different misdemeanors and not to the felony. You know, they always want to plead to the misdemeanors if they're gonna plea. In fact, I've probably rejected it more times than I can even think of as I'm sitting here. Did you do what he said you did? Speak to my lawyer. - Is he lying? But in this case, it was different. For me, it was one of those decisions I wanted to leave to Sasha so that he could figure out what the next step of his life was gonna be. Sasha's first reaction was, "Nope. We're gonna go to trial. It's all or nothing." And it was a couple days later I got a call back from Jacqui saying they talked about it and they thought about it, and they wanted to move forward with a plea. I made the decision to accept the plea bargain because I didn't want to go to trial with the possibility that he'd get off completely clean--completely clean-- and have a chance to hurt other people. And I also wanted to move forward with my life. I remember these doors. - The doors. So, you know, our final day in court was the sentencing hearing. It was September 19th of 2006. Hearing appeals could go on for years. The victim's family earlier agreed to a deal dropping felony charges, with Nevison pleading guilty to lesser misdemeanor counts. For the family, that was enough. But before the cantor could return to New York today, the judge directed him to first take a tour of the county prison. The apparent reason

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

to make clear to the 65-year-old convicted molester that should he get in trouble again, prison is where he will likely end up. "Probation of 12 years, "and I'm gonna make sure you get a tour of the prison "before you leave today to show you what it would have been like." And I was like, "What?" I felt--I felt the same, like, punch in the gut--like, with this case, the abuse suffered by the children by three different people, it was actually on three different levels. Larry's level to Sasha was here. Stewart's level to Sasha and Rebekah was up here, okay? About here. Howard's abuse to Sasha was here, okay? So you're talking extreme, middle, low level, all right, for the purposes of this. The punishment dictated at the end of it was the-- it was just the opposite, you know? You know, Howard got this. You know, Stewart got this, and Larry got this, you know? Was it fair?

bleep

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

no. But this is our courtroom, and, um-- and you came up here to this-- to this witness stand. "Sasha, you've been living with this case for a long time, haven't you?" And that's you asking me the questions. That is. "Sasha, you've been living with this case for a long time, haven't you?" "Yes." "How old are you today?" "I'm 16, but I'll be 17 tomorrow." "As we bring this entire episode in your life to a close, do you have any thoughts or words?" "I do." Then you said, "Keep your voice up." "There was a time in my life "when I didn't have trouble smiling. "I trusted everyone, especially my family. "But at the age of three, "I lost my trust and happiness "because of one man who betrayed me. "I was so scared and tormented "by what my Uncle Howard was doing to me "that I repeatedly tried to kill myself. "But I have so much to live for now "because I didn't take the easy way out. "I fought the beast, and I won. "I won because I spoke when he swore he'd kill me. "Uncle Howard, "as a cantor in the Jewish religion, "you should know that what you did "does not sit very well with God. "And as we approach the season "of our Jewish High Holidays, I hope you ask God to have mercy on your soul." -

blowing raspberries

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

He's laughing? - Mm-hmm, yeah.

sorrowful music

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

Aww. Forever would it be Being like the blessed one of us

unintelligible

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

With the son of a boy

vocalizing operatically

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

So what do you think, looking back? Did you say what you wanted to say? -

sighs

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

I said what I wanted to say, and at the same time, I look back, and I still see that I was an angry person about it. I was very angry. And revisiting this story again for the purpose of making a film is-- it's been challenging at times. But this is happening everywhere. I really hope that children don't have to go through what I went through, but there are a lot of children that are going through that. So let's stop--let's do what we can to prevent it. Let's talk about it. I'm motivated... because I realize-- I realize how incredibly lucky and blessed I am to have my whole life ahead of me, you know? He didn't destroy it. It's done, man. It's amazing. It's--it's cool to be in there all by myself and just say, "Thank you. Good-bye." You know? Moving on. Feels good. All right. - Yup. Let's, uh, peace out of here. Can I grab something? Thanks. Thank you.

crew talking quietly

indistinct chatter

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

Now, what you do is, save the tape. Wait for--it's gonna probably be, like, a small ceremonial-type thing for-- Oh, there's more videocassettes. Oh, so in other words, you're just wasting this one. You know, it takes time to watch these too, after they're photographed, you know? I like when you speak with that thing-- When he talks like that. -

in British accent

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

Oh, I can't. I--I--I implorably refuse.

laughter

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

It's shocked--I shocked all-- - Don't do that.

laughter

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

Do you mind? He said do that. - Thank you.

chatter

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

That's beautiful. -

sniggering sarcastically

mouthing words

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

This was taken with him, and there I am here. Put his hands on my shoulders. He said, "God has kissed your vocal cords."

playing piano slowly

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

So this is our team room. This is where the team will come and watch the interview. The interviewer, the child. - Yes. And then that's the close-up? - Yes. That's the shot of where the child's sitting? Yup. that's it. One person does the interview, ideally one time, and everybody who has a part of that can go and watch. So the police can go. The prosecutors can go. The social workers can go. We can have medical and mental health people on site, and everybody that needs to know, for their profession, what happened can go listen and watch, and they don't have to re-interview and re-traumatize the child over and over again. And the things that we do here at Mission Kids came out of what you lived that we felt, in this county, you shouldn't have had to live. So it's better for kids now because of what you endured. And the thing is, every word's working. Every single word is working. Stop it. - Talk to me, darling. How are you? - Stop it, darling. Darling, how are you? - How have you been? It's been so long. What can be done to help present-day survivors while working to create awareness and resources to help protect future generations of children? As a survivor, I know what a place like Dallas CAC would have done for me. It was fun, guys. Bye, guys. That was pretty good. I'm ready... to once again face the world.

baby laughs

indistinct chatter

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

-

mumbling

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

Come on, you guys!

kids shouting, playing

behind the unusual court-ordered field trip

Get a close-up. Hi, this is the Crocodile Hunter. Beautiful creature. I'ma throw him back 'cause he's not big enough. -That's a bull fish. That's a perfect eating size. Oh, wait a minute. It's--it's not over yet. I wanna say thanks. It was nice showing you, um, everything, and I hope we can meet each other for real someday. But for now, thanks.