POV

[ Ethereal music plays ] [ Water splashes ] -Sometimes I wish my life was a movie.

That would be so great because that wouldn't involve any level of vulnerability.

I'd be given a script, go into wardrobe, hair and makeup.

I would get on set, and I'd play out my life knowing the scene's outcome.

But my life is not a movie, and the scenes in my life play out a little differently.

[ Cheers and applause ] -Okay.

Roll camera, sound.

-You see?

It's going.

-Behind my ear?

-Yeah, that side, as well.

-Oh.

Oh!

[ Laughs ] -Take 7.

[ Cow moos ] -[ Laughs ] The cows.

And you can hear them.

Wow.

-Okay.

That intro again.

-All right.

Hi, my name is Sharon-Rose Lehlohonolo Khumalo, Miss Mamelodi Sundowns 2016 and 2017.

[ Women speaking in native language ] [ Car horns honking ] Wow.

What's happening?

[ Indistinct chatter ] [ Singing in native language ] [ School bell rings ] Bye.

See you now.

-Yes.

-Okay.

-Oh, penis grows up.

Okay.

Males and females, boys and girls, mommies and daddies?

-Yes!

[ School bell rings ] [ Soft music plays ] -I remember I'm in Grade 10.

All the girls start sharing stories of when their period comes in, what it feels like... how painful it is.

I lie, and I tell them I get my period.

It's just not painful.

I continue to lie because it's so much easier.

-My name is Dimakatso.

I am an intersex person.

Yeah.

So I'm not a male, I'm not a female.

And I don't feel like a woman, I don't feel like a man.

I have no idea even how it feels to be a man or a woman.

-So how is it that you ended up discovering that there is this genetic variation?

-I knew that I'm an intersex from birth, was born with both genitals.

I don't go through periods, I don't have a womb, I don't have the uterus.

And I spent six years of my childhood in hospital.

[bleep] They removed the penis in the name of them trying to normalize me.

-Do your parents maybe have an opinion or a choice as to which part of the genitals to keep during the operation?

-They just wanted a normal child, and the doctors promised that "We're going to basically create a normal child."

And when I got home, the first thing I wanted, it was a bike, it was a gun, a soccer ball.

Like, hey, the doctors, it seems as if they took the wrong tool.

[ Laughter ] [ Thunder crashes ] -I like coming out here when it rains, because... if you stand really still... ...and you look into a single droplet of water, you can see nature upside down.

-This is beautiful.

-Look up.

So open your eyes and look up.

-Mm-hmm.

-Look up.

-Yeah.

-Do you think you'd wear makeup, in general?

-It's not going to happen.

-[ Laughs ] Why is that?

-This is my first and my last time.

-Your first and your last time.

-Yeah.

Let's just see.

-Okay.

-But I wouldn't -- I wouldn't makeup.

Must open my eyes?

-Yeah, just keep them open.

-Oh.

-I'm just going to put some powder underneath your eyes.

-So, in terms of attraction, males or females?

-I'm attracted to males.

[ Both laugh ] -Okay.

-The tall, the dark kind of male.

-Okay.

Okay.

[ Both laugh ] -Up until the time when I went to the gynecologist, there was absolutely no reason, except for not having my periods, that I would ever think that something is different about me.

-Well...

I'm not specifically attracted to lesbian women... -Okay.

-...or queer woman, or -- I'm attracted to females.

-Mm.

Because sometimes you meet somebody that they really want kids.

-Yeah.

-You know?

But I think -- And they really want, like, their own biological kids.

-Yeah.

-And you're like, "Okay.

Well, that's not possible here."

-You know what I mean?

-Yes.

-I wish I still had my penis.

Not because I want to be a guy but because I appreciate myself -- -Close your eyes.

-You get... -Yeah.

-But I once thought about it, just to go [bleep] Just get there, just say, "I'm -- I'm here for my penis."

-Yeah.

-"Don't mind the size, I just want..." -[ Laughs ] -I'm just joking.

[ Both laugh ] You know?

I mean, that's the reason -- -Smile.

There you go.

-That's the reason I actually do my work is because I don't want these surgeries to continue, especially without your knowledge.

-Your knowledge, yeah, and your consent.

[ Mouths popping ] Okay, wait.

Pout.

There we go.

Uh... -I've got -- I've got -- I've got small lips.

[ Both laugh ] -I'm jealous of your lips because I've got a whole lot of lips.

Do this.

All right.

-This is a dress?

-It's a shirt dress.

[ Laughs ] It's a shirt dress.

[ Both laugh ] -All right.

-Do you want to try it on?

Yeah?

-Yo.

[ Both laugh ] Oh, my God.

-[ Chuckles ] Look at you.

You look so -- you look so different.

-I look different.

I feel different.

[ Laughs ] -Geez.

Come on.

I mean, look at you.

Look at that smile.

-Okay.

-So, you stand up straight.

Pretend like someone is pulling you by like an invisible thread.

So like -- -Okay.

-So, like, from, like -- even, like, your core and, like, your neck.

-Okay.

-Yeah.

But, like, relax, like, comfortable.

And then, yeah.

And then you just put one foot in front of the other.

-Start doing it.

-And just go like... [ Chuckles ] Let's see you.

[ Laughs ] Just do it.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Just walk.

-Okay.

-Yeah.

[ Chuckles ] You could -- You could even walk faster.

There you go.

I want to show you how good you look.

[ Chuckles ] Oh!

-[ Chuckles ] -Wow.

-Another one.

-[ Laughs ] Hey!

Oh, my gosh.

-Please pick it up, please.

[ Line ringing ] -Hey, hey!

-Hello!

-Hey!

How are you?

-Okay.

-[ Laughs ] -Presenting to you... -I look good?

-...your partner.

[ Laughs ] -My partner looks good.

-[ Laughs ] -You look gorgeous, you look good, you look yummy.

-Hey, okay.

And that is my cue to exit this call.

[ Both laugh ] -Yeah, let's wake up now, babe.

Like, seriously.

Okay.

I'm going to make you tea.

-Hi, Lkhome fans.

My name is Lehlohonolo Khumalo of Lkhome and LkhomeDIY on Instagram.

In today's video, I am going to be taking you guys through the tools that you would need as a DIY'er.

And this is... -Do this T-shirt.

-What happened?

-I peed blood again.

-You're in pain?

-No, I'm not in pain.

It's not -- there is no pain.

Sometimes it worries me.

Maybe these are my periods.

[ Laughs ] Thank you.

-All right.

-I'm just washing the dishes now.

-Okay, sweetie.

-Okay.

[ Whistling ] Sebidi!

Papa!

Hi.

So good, so good, so good.

-Yeah.

Yo.

Yo.

Yo.

-You good?

-No, I am.

-Good to see you, man.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

[ Indistinct talking ] You know, you are my child and nothing else.

And you grew up as a girl, and you are -- I will always say you're my god song.

-[ Laughing ] Yeah, yeah.

-And I won't say my son.

I will always say my child, my daughter.

-Yeah, I know.

I mean... -It's not -- -Not at all, Papa.

-Not like -- yes.

-I don't have a vagina canal.

Like, were you... were you expecting me to be in a relationship with a male?

-You know what I can say is that nothing that -- I wouldn't have to take a decision for you, and I can't -- even today, I can't take a decision.

-But you did.

-Yeah.

But I said, "No, we can't remove anything.

You, as a doctor, you rather maybe to put the one that is not -- -Yeah, dominant.

-Yes, inside.

"It's not to remove.

You don't have to remove.

You rather hide it or make means to hide it.

Not that you remove."

He said, "Oh, I will do that thing -- we can.

He made that operation -- I think it was penis, when he put inside.

-Yeah.

-We've never signed anywhere.

It was just a mouth -- -To mouth.

-Mouth to mouth.

-Serious?

-Serious.

It was only doctor's signature.

-Where are those documents?

You know, I went after you sat me down, and I even told Voni that I went [inaudible] I couldn't -- they said they have nothing and just -- -You know what?

They were banned, actually, the doctors that they've got so many years being there, they just banned them.

-I always felt like the surgeries that were done to me was to hide me.

-Mm-hmm.

-Because -- -Actually it was not to hide you.

-But I -- -It was giving you a time or a chance for you -- -I wish you didn't take that decision for me.

-You know, I can -- I can tell you something.

Even today, of today, you go to hospitals or wherever you can go, any -- -Yeah.

-They still not having a fully report of how to deal with such cases.

-Yeah, I know exactly who I am.

I'm okay being an intersex.

-[ Laughs ] Hello!

-How you been?

-Hi, baby.

[ Laughs ] Let's pull that side, honey.

-Okay.

-[ Laughs ] Okay.

So roughly around here.

Let me see.

Just a bit more.

[ Hammering ] Yeah.

I'm gonna go get my other best friend.

Look, the face changed immediately.

[ Laughs ] [ Baby fussing ] But why -- Oh, baby.

Baby.

I don't remember us, like, in high school ever talking about... -About -- yeah, no.

-...like, being a mommy.

-It's great.

I wouldn't lie.

[ Breathes deeply ] You -- You're just everything to them, basically.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

And you somehow stop -- you kind of stop living for yourself.

-People that depend on you.

-Yeah.

-Okay.

-Sure.

-But, yeah.

I remember when I was, like, taking care of my brother, and I said -- when they came back, they're like, "Oh, no, how was it?"

And I'm like, "Yo, no, I don't want to ever have kids."

Mama was like, "No, don't say that.

You never know what'll happen."

-But I mean, there's always a reason as to why things happen the way they do.

-You never ever think something like this would happen.

So, I mean, when your period doesn't come, your first reaction is not like, "Oh, my gosh, I could be -- I could not have a uterus, or..." It's like, "There must be some plausible explanation," you know?

-Yeah.

-But, yeah, that's how it is, friend.

Good, good, good, good, good.

-God blessed me with a unique body, and I want to take care of it.

And -- but I want to know how to, Dr. Lebethe, because, actually, I'm very concerned about is the bubble that is on top there in my -- -Yes.

-I believe my daddy says it's a penis because he said... [ Breathes deeply ] See, my mom said they removed it.

-Okay.

-My dad, he said, yes, they removed it, but not removed it as in cut it.

-Cut it off.

-They actually tucked it in.

-Mm.

-Um...

There's so many stories, and, um, I just need to know my truth, you know?

And then I'll be able to move on with my truth.

-Did they do any blood test?

Do you know what the results were?

-I don't know.

I don't know nothing.

-Dad doesn't -- Dad and Mom didn't know what the results were?

-My dad doesn't know.

-Okay.

Can you open the legs?

Just take it easy.

Just relax.

I'm not going to hurt you.

I am not going to hurt you.

-I know, I know, I know.

I'm not going to stick anything.

If you feel pain any time, just tell me.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Okay.

So, where does the urine come out?

Out of this little hole here?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Okay.

Yeah.

No, I can see that.

I can -- yeah.

Don't, don't.

Now stay like that.

You've got a hernia.

It's not a penis that has been tucked in.

Your penis would not be on the side.

And that is a small uterus.

And that is probably a gonad, either an ovary or a testis or an -- what we call an ovotestis, where there's a combination of the two.

-Of both.

Wow.

[ Crying ] [ Sniffles ] -Now, the findings of the examination.

-Yes.

-You were given hormones, I presume.

That -- that's what got the breasts.

-Yeah.

-And because you don't have any hormones anymore, that's why the breast is so saggy.

-Yeah, saggy.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have the estrogen anymore in levels that you were being given.

But all this would be confirmed by doing the chromosomes, looking at what chromosomes you have.

And that would be the next step.

-Let's see.

-As a mother of two boys, all I can say is good luck.

[ Laughter ] And I'm so sad that I had to conform to the blue color.

Because I want to say that even if your child plays with dolls and then he shows a certain side, just be okay with it.

-Okay.

[ Laughter ] -Blessings from God.

-Please love your husband.

Continue -- Tell him, "This, I commit to, but you still a priority in my life."

-Yes.

-That's my tip.

-When the baby sleep, sleep.

You don't clean.

You don't -- If you get a chance to sleep, sleep.

Because when he's awake, you are on your own with the baby.

My baby is three months.

Every day, when I sleep and wake up, I praise God.

"Thank you.

We are awake today by your grace."

-Hi, friend.

So we're here to help you.

If you need a drink, we can go out for a drink.

[ Laughter ] If you need babysitting, we are here.

So, for everything.

No, no, for all of it.

If you want a break... [ Laughter ] [ Singing in native language ] [ Song echoing, fading ] [ Soft music plays ] [ Wind blowing ] -There.

There.

Comfortable?

-Yeah.

[ Both laugh ] -Arms up.

-[ Groans ] -[ Chuckles ] -Baby.

-Okay, you still show -- -You see?

There's no tuh, tuh... -Yes, yeah!

[ Laughs ] -You know?

I love this.

This is me.

So me.

With a vagina.

[ Both laugh ] [ Bell dings ] [ Door buzzes ] [ Door buzzes ] -Good morning.

Is there a job opening?

-Yeah.

Maybe you can make appointment to come back, then you speak to our boss.

-Can you give me a pen so I can write my number?

-Okay.

-Thank you.

-Are you a man?

-I'm an intersex.

-I will never do that.

-You never?

-Yeah.

It's like a woman acting like a man.

Is it or that...?

-Oh no, it's not a woman acting like a man.

I'm born with both variation of a male and a female.

-Okay, okay.

-Yeah.

So I'm not either a male or a female, I'm intersex.

-It's a decision from our boss.

-From your boss.

Thank you so much.

I'll actually wait for your call.

-Okay.

Thank you.

Good luck.

-Yeah, thank you so much.

-Okay, thank you.

-Have a great day.

-Same to you.

-Sure.

Thank you.

[ Woman speaking native language in recording ] [ Dark music plays ] -The Bible says God doesn't make mistakes.

I ask myself if I'm not a mistake.

I am struggling with male chromosomes in a female body.

How does it happen that XY chromosomes become female on purpose?

-God had an agenda, and the agenda had to do with a man and a woman.

So if there's anything in between, somebody must come back to the God who created him.

I'm challenging all those that are saying, "My genes are a problem," come, come to be delivered.

-Amen!

Amen!

-Come to be delivered.

God will help your genetic abnormalities.

[ Audience members shouting ] Is this the house of deliverance?

[ Cheers and applause ] Is this the house of prophecy?

-Yes!

-Is this the house of healing?

-Yes!

-Tell that demon to come out!

-Come out!

-Not in my family, not in my body, not in my neighborhood!

Not where I live!

Not in my ministry!

Every demon... -Every demon... -...that is against the word of God... -...that is against the word of God... -...let it be exposed!

-...let it be exposed!

-In Jesus' name!

-In Jesus' name!

[ Applause ] I command you to come out of this body right now.

Count of three, you go.

One, two, three.

Pfft!

-Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

-Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name... [ Child screaming ] -It is going to be well with you.

-...thy kingdom come.

-It is going to be well with you.

-It's going to be well with you.

-Jesus is Lord.

-Jesus is Lord.

-Amen.

-One, two, three, four.

One, two... three, four.

-I knew that I would not have a normal life.

I wanted to make big moves so people wouldn't have to see what was missing.

-...9, 10.

-A pageant looks for perfection.

A pageant wants the most perfect version that you could possibly present.

Authentic, yes.

Beautiful, strong, courageous, brave, but perfect.

And we're going to drill until you are perfect.

-Being on a national stage, being the most beautiful woman in South Africa would validate me as a woman.

-When you get into the judging room, your looks don't matter.

Did you know that?

Because you all look the same.

You're all beautiful in different ways.

As long as you've met those standards of perfection and your outfit is perfectly suited and your manners are perfectly polite.

But what shines through is your personality and your character.

-Good evening, Sharon-Rose.

And congratulations on having made it this far.

What is the one thing that makes you a proud South African woman?

-What makes me to be a South African woman, to be a proud South African woman, is that young women and the youth of South Africa have realized their power, and they're using it for the betterment of the country.

And I, as Miss South Africa, would like to be part of that movement.

Thank you very much.

[ Cheers and applause ] -Give it up for Sharon-Rose.

And the winner of Miss South Africa 2016 is... -...Ntandoyenkosi!

[ Cheers and applause ] -The show is over.

That felt like a lie.

I don't feel like a woman the way the world defines it, but I want to fit in.

-Darling, love you.

Heavenly Father, we thank you, Lord, we thank you, Jesus.

[ Speaking in native language ] -Sometimes I try to act the part of being that mother that she was, but it's not easy.

And I know I've also carried a lot just by being... your -- your sister.

-Thank you for loving me.

-You can open it.

-Oh, look at that.

-[ Laughs ] -This day, my God, we come before you, Lord.

Lord of the birth.

When Katso was born, my God, we remember Lord, what you've done for us.

My God, lead them, Lord, from power to power, strength to strength, Lord, victory to victory.

In Jesus' name.

Lord, we thank you.

Amen.

-Hip, hip!

-Hooray!

[ Cheering ] -Oh.

Go!

Come on!

Come on!

-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

-[ Laughs ] Shoot, babe, shoot!

-I am!

-Come on, baby!

Whoo!

[ Hair dryer whirring ] -If you dare move, it's over.

Your hair's so nice, by the way.

-Thank you.

-What did she do to her hair?

-She just you know -- -No, I'm just -- -Yes!

Go, girl!

Hey!

-Are you straightening it?

-Yes.

-So when you did Miss SA, that's how you looked.

You were pretty.

She had, like, rock-hard abs.

And I was like, "Look at this girl, guys.

Like, how, Sway?"

-Miss SA ended in March.

Right?

And then, in May, that's when I came out, Debbie, about being intersex.

-Oh.

-My mom knows you, and my mom relates with you very well.

-Yeah.

-But I can't explain -- I don't know how to explain it to her.

-How do you think would be the right way to explain or to say -- -What is intersex.

-Yes.

'Cause I also don't want to offend a person that's intersex.

-Uh-huh.

-Like, it's okay.

You can tell me whatever it is that you know.

-Who -- when they say a person is a hermaphrodite, like, what does it mean?

-So, hermaphrodite is actually a derogatory term, which is unacceptable to use.

-[ Gasps ] -Yes.

-But that's for -- -For an intersex person?

-Yes.

-It's like someone saying, like, "You're a fag" to me?

-Yes.

Yes.

-[ Gasps ] -Exactly.

So the thing is this -- these are the terms that were used in, like, old biological literature.

-Why does it have to be that if you've chosen -- well, is it a choice, though?

-No, it isn't.

-It is not.

-Even being gay, like, it's not -- You don't just wake up and be like, "Oh, yeah, today I actually just want to have sex with boys."

Because -- -Wow, friend, wow.

-And that's how people take it, friend.

-"I just want to have sex with boys."

-I swear, that's how, like... -[ Laughs ] -Hello!

-Hello.

-Good afternoon.

[ Laughter ] [ Dance music plays ] [ Insects chirping ] [ Siren wails in distance ] -You know, baby, now I see myself -- actually us -- having somebody to do this for us.

-[ Laughs ] -Tedious, just tiring.

-I know.

-Doing this... -I know, baby.

-...your hands, they get tired.

-Oh, oh, oh, oh.

-Hmm?

-Like, I wish I can get in this water.

I'm a fish that lives on land.

[ Both laugh ] -You must check.

There's another one... ...it's breaking somewhere.

-Right there.

-As a female.

-If you would find a job opportunity right now, but that job, it requires you to wear a skirt... -I wouldn't take that job.

-[ Laughs ] -[ Speaks native language ] -Even if for money?

-No.

No, no, no.

Even for like $20 million.

-Yo.

-Ay.

It's like I'm impressing someone.

Yo.

-I understand.

I was not going to identify myself as an "M" or an "F." -There's "them."

-They/them.

-They/them.

Your acronym, it sounds like somebody who doesn't know how to speak English or who doesn't know how to put a sentence together.

-Jo, you know I'm in the process of removing breasts?

-But why?

Is it a safe process?

Do you accept your uniqueness?

And you feel they wouldn't have removed anything and they just would've allowed you to be you as how God created you.

Hence the breast is also part of what was going to be there, whether they've removed or wouldn't have removed.

-I'd still be me anyway.

It's just I don't want the -- -Mnh-mnh.

-What do you mean I wouldn't be me?

-You played sports.

You've played -- There's nothing that you didn't play.

And I don't think... you've ever -- it has ever irritated you somehow.

But maybe I -- Because I'm not you.

-Because I'm -- Yeah.

Well, because we never spoke about it or I've never let you know how I feel.

And I can't actually not even be saying sorry that I didn't let you know long time ago.

-Mnh-mnh!

-But I'm just letting you know that I'm -- I need your support, actually... in the decision that I made about my body.

I know you always supported -- -You've already made the decision.

-I need you also as my sister.

-Nuh-unh.

-But it was scary, though, what you were going through!

What you were going...

I do need you.

[ Children shouting in distance ] -Hi.

How are you?

-Good.

How are you?

-Good, good, good, good.

-What did you do?

[ Laughs ] -I've got the tickets for you.

-Hi.

-Hey.

-Hello.

-You look amazing.

-Thank you.

-I got this for you.

-You look -- Ah, thank you.

You look even better in person.

-Thank you.

-Oh.

-What size are you in boots?

-Pardon?

-Boots.

What size are you?

-Oh, what size.

I'm a size nine.

-Nine.

Just like me.

-Is it?

-No.

-Okay.

One of the things we may have in common.

-Thank you so much, sir.

-Thank you.

Are you sure about this, sir?

-I'm gonna give it a try.

-So why did you bring me here, though?

-I want you to face your fears.

-[ Laughs ] -Are you fine?

-I'm okay.

-Yeah?

-Okay.

-Whoo!

-You can hold on to that.

-Whoo!

-You are so graceful, Jordan.

You were born to be on the ice!

Aah!

-Come back, Sharon.

I need your help!

-Come on.

-I need your help!

-Come save me, Jordan!

Come save me!

[ Laughing ] Look at you!

-I try.

Okay.

Let me get to you... -Okay.

-...without holding onto anything.

-Okay.

I don't trust that.

[ Laughs ] Gosh, I'm on the ice.

-Look at yourself!

So there's a secret you did not tell me.

-What?

-You've been here before.

-No!

-A couple of times more than me.

-I just -- [ Laughs ] -Sharon, you mustn't leave me!

-Huh?

-You're leaving me!

I'm trying to push this young buddy.

-So, did you know penguins are one of the few animals that are monogamous?

-Uh-huh.

-So they find a mate and then they stick with them until they die.

Mmm!

Did you get your nails done?

-Yes, I did.

-That's nice.

[ Laughs ] -You know, they say first impressions count.

-Very good.

Okay.

Huh.

That's nice.

Yeah.

-What do you do?

-I am in the pharmaceutical industry.

-Mm-hmm?

-[ Laughs ] Yeah.

-Big brand, huh?

-Yeah.

So I am -- So I work in marketing.

I'm a brand manager.

-Mm-hmm.

That's nice.

I'm a nurse by profession.

-You are?

-A nurse by profession.

-Oh, that's cool.

My mom's a nurse.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-Okay.

-Where are you from?

-I'm from Durban.

-Okay.

Where in Durban?

-So you're Zulu.

-[ Speaks native language ] -Ahh!

[ Both laugh ] -You're Zulu, too?

-No.

There's a lot of Sotho-speaking Khumalos.

-Oh, right.

-Yeah.

So I've got a younger brother... -Mm-hmm.

-...who is 16 years younger than me.

-I hope you wasn't a spoiled brat.

-[ Laughs ] No, no, no.

I'm not a spoiled brat.

I'm, like, the very responsible child, yeah.

-We are kind of a really big family.

-Okay.

And how is that?

-Um, it feels good to have a big family.

I want a big family.

-You want a big family?

-Yeah.

How about you?

What's your take?

-I don't want kids.

-You don't want kids?

Okay.

-Yeah.

So -- -Do you have any reasons why maybe?

-Hmm...

So I can't have kids, right, biologically, and -- [ Laughs ] Don't look so sad.

-I'm tired of playing games now.

-But you see.

This is exactly, like, what I don't want.

Because -- Okay.

So, initially, like, when I share this, I don't want the person to, like, feel sorry for me or take on everything.

I don't want that to be the case, you know?

Just like you would treat any other person.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Thank you so much.

I think I have to run as well.

-Okay.

This was fun.

-I really had good time.

-I also did.

[ Thunder rumbles ] [ Thunder rumbles ] -Where do I fit in?

In that whole -- If even God says -- God -- that God created a man and then from that he created a woman, we're like, "Okay."

-I don't like it how people are so quick to open the Bible.

-Mm-hmm.

-And I know the word of God says we are all made out of His image.

-Image.

-And then I always say, if we are all made out of His image, males and females, what does it make Him?

-Hmm.

-He -- My God is sexy.

-[ Laughs ] Okay.

-My God is beautiful.

He's been doing beautiful things in my life.

You know?

That's how I see him.

-I mean, sometimes for me, I'd find it easier to just tell a person, "I can't have kids because I don't have a uterus or ovaries."

-Yeah.

-I wouldn't tell them that I have XY sex chromosomes.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

-And... there were times when I felt... like...

I'm not enough... -Yeah.

-...and I'll never...

When you... fall in love with somebody and you want to give them everything and you know that the one thing that they do want is a child.

And... [ Sniffles ] So -- [ Chuckles ] You overcompensate.

[ Laughs ] -Yeah.

-So...

I mean, sometimes I'll even ask myself if my ambition is not... me overcompensating.

-Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I don't let anybody make me feel like a mistake or not even normal.

It takes a lot actually to get to that stage.

It's not easy even.

-Are you at that stage?

-I'm heading there.

I'm heading there.

-Do you think you'll get there?

-I don't know because -- I think also just knowing how it affected my family.

I remember once having a conversation with my dad.

He said -- I was sick and I couldn't drive.

So he had to come pick me up and take me to hospital.

And as he was driving, I'm in pain and I can see on the mirror that he's crying.

And I got admitted and he said, "Dimakatso, it's enough."

-Okay.

-"It's enough."

And I said... "I'm also tired.

-Mm-hmm.

-I'm normal.

I'm okay like this.

I love me."

He said, "I love you.

I'm tired of you being cut open and all of this and you going through this pain sometimes I feel like for the fact that we've let operations to happen when you are a kid.

I think you're going to go through pain for the rest of your life."

And I felt like he's feeling like it's his fault.

And with me, I blame myself also that my existent tunnel created a big shift to my parents' lives.

Because I remember my mom saying to me, "When you got here, I knew I had to stop living for you to live."

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

-He had lost -- My parents had lost friends, family.

My being was an issue.

You know?

Created debates at home, family meetings.

Most people don't think about it, that it's not us as intersex people that go through things.

Even our parents that gave birth to us go through -- They also get a journey immediately when you get here or immediately when they find out that their kid is an intersex.

It's a journey for them now.

[ Birds chirping ] -Good morning...

Looking for a manager's office.

-Have you seen how many males we have in the factory?

-Yes, I've been working with males.

My best friends are males.

-Yes.

-So I do quite a lot of hard work at home.

-Have you seen those big machines where we have to take out things from the bottom of the machine?

-Yes, sir.

See, that -- -I'm scared.

-I can do anything.

I'm not a woman...

I'm not even a male.

too.

-Huh?

-Yeah.

[ Laughs ] I'm an intersex person, so I'm the best of both.

-Look here.

You're not a male, not a female.

And we -- I don't know how I'm going to put this to other clients and other workers, as well.

How are they going to treat you?

You know, we've got two toilets.

Which one are you going to use?

-I can even -- I don't mind even educating, you know, the company because a lot of people only have knowledge of a female and a male.

-Yes.

-We do exist, you know?

And such an opportunity in such a company would be grateful, somebody like you even -- -My friend... -Yes, sir.

-...I'm a little bit afraid.

-Okay.

What could be the things that would need to be changed for me probably to be hired?

-I don't know.

How am I going to classify you?

He or she?

-I go by the pronouns "they."

-They?

-They or them.

Yeah.

-Come on.

Then how do I call you when I want to call you amongst the group?

I say, "They, please come"?

-Dimakatso.

-You know, you are a nice person.

Oh, they -- Nice person.

-I'm grateful, sir.

-And, unfortunately, I'll think about it, but think about it in future if maybe we can do something for you.

-Yeah.

-God bless you.

-No.

You also be blessed.

-Thank you.

All right.

-Thank you, sir.

-Okay.

Yes, bye.

-Beautiful day.

-Yes, yes, yeah.

Do you know your way out?

-Yes, yes, I do.

-Okay.

Thank you so much.

-Thank you so much.

-Alright.

-[ Singing in native language ] -I'm supposed to either be a male or a female.

They don't want me to embrace me being me.

-They still want you to box yourself.

-Why?

-Why?

True.

-And the society, that's what they want!

They want intersex people to choose!

That's why those mistakes -- That damage was done to me from birth.

That's why it's still going to continue to other kids, baby.

Like, they're not letting us embrace who we are.

If my community is not even [bleep] letting me... -Hm.

-...where do I belong?

[ Sighs ] [ Sighs ] How do I -- Like, I don't know...

It's fine.

It's fine.

Yeah, I guess -- I guess probably I have to choose.

I let them know as soon as I choose.

It's fine.

Even if that means I'm not supposed to choose being me.

[ Sobbing ] [ Speaking indistinctly ] ...want a place where I'm supposed to belong.

I...

I want myself.

I love myself.

I don't care.

I'm angry.

You get that.

I can't take that.

Alright?

I have to accept myself the way I am now.

I'm a lion, and...

I'm the king of the jungle.

If it takes me to eat them, I will!

Alright?!

I am a lion!

I don't care!

I'm tired!

I'm tired, Mama!

It's been draining!

It's been -- It's been draining.

I need my mom.

[ Sighs ] -[ Whispering ] -What is the one thing that you would do if you were not afraid?

Do that.

Hi, guys.

Welcome back to my channel.

[ Chuckles ] Um, I think after going through everything that I've gone through, um, it was a very, very lonely time.

And I needed someone, like the person that I am today, to take myself through that process.

So the reason why I'm telling you this is that I know that there are people like me out there.

I am intentional... in creating a life... ...that when someone looks at me, they will know that they're not alone... ...and that our differences is what makes us the same.

[ Sniffles ] -[ Singing in native language ] [ Insects buzzing ] -[ Blowing ] [ Conversations in native language ] -[ Speaking native language ] -Yeah.

-[ Speaks native language ] -So, it was four ancestors that were showing, and four of them, they want one chicken.

Each wants one chicken.

I have to get cleansed tomorrow and especially cleanse my soul because she spotted that when you are different, if you don't embrace yourself, people won't embrace you.

So I mustn't be afraid.

[ Insects chirping ] [ Animals calling ] [ Chickens clucking ] -[ Gasps ] Ooh!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

It's not supposed to face my side.

Okay.

[ Conversation in native language ] [ Laughter ] [ All speaking native language ] [ All speaking native language ] [ Horn honks ] -Hey.

How are you?

-Scared.

And you?

-I'm scared, too.

-How are you?

-Good morning.

-Thank you for being here.

-So I've got your results here, and I'm going to give them to you so you can have a look.

-Okay.

-Up here at the top it says "46 XX."

-Okay.

-And you say, "What does that mean?"

That means a normal female.

-Ohh.

[ Laughs ] What?

Wow.

-So your cells, your body, the chromosomes, which are the -- what we call the blueprint of our bodies -- Those chromosomes are those of a normal female.

-Wow.

-Okay.

-Wow.

So... -Is there anything you want to ask then?

-Yeah.

So...

I don't have a vagina.

I don't go through periods.

I have a gonad.

-Yes.

-How is this possible?

-We can try to explain that.

And the important thing here is you spend a long time in the hospital, there were surgeries done on you, and we do not have access to that.

We don't really know what was done, so there are some things that we may not be able to explain entirely.

Now, we've got a condition called congenital adrenal hyperplasia.

It's something that you are born with.

It produces more male hormone than the standard.

Then your body will produce what looks like external male organs.

-Mm-hmm.

-Alright?

So it'll just be, in instead of a small clitoris, it'll be large looking like a penis.

-Mm-hmm.

-And instead of the lips of the vulva, it might look like a scrotum that is not well-formed, but your internal organs will still be female.

If you are born that way, whatever they did, they tried to correct that, so they removed the clitoris, they tried to fashion external female organs.

Why you would occasionally have blood in the urine might actually be some menstruation.

-Wow.

-That's -- Wow.

What does that make me?

-Genetically, you are a woman.

-Mm-hmm.

-Okay?

But having been exposed -- -That doesn't -- [ Chuckles ] No.

-It doesn't make sense?

-[ Muttering ] -What do you feel like?

-Doesn't actually even sit well with me.

-Okay.

What do you feel like?

-I think because, um... Not function -- Not... Not having... -The female organs.

Yes.

-Honestly, when it comes to even... -Okay.

-...sexual pleasure.

Yeah, it -- That didn't make me feel normal.

-Yes.

-That's why I felt, yeah, maybe being intersex is not -- it's being not normal.

-I'm a female with XY sex chromosomes.

-Yeah.

-I had testes.

-Yeah.

-When I found out that I had XY chromosomes, I wanted so bad to have the XX chromosomes.

-Yeah.

-Because then that would mean that I'm a woman.

-Yeah.

I know.

We definitely are opposites for real.

-[ Laughter ] -Like straight up.

-We are.

I would've killed to get these results.

-I would've killed to get your results.

[ Laughter ] That's sick.

Wow.

-The range of differences is not something that separate you are either man or woman.

There is the bridge in between where you've got different manifestations of gender, physically and mentally.

-I wish we can exchange.

-[ Laughs ] Now I want to keep mine.

-On the outside, she's a woman.

Alright?

She produced the male hormone, but her body did not respond to the male hormone.

-Yeah.

-If I put my fingers like that... -Okay.

-...you can see that my ring finger is taller than my index finger.

-Yeah.

-Okay.

-Now, almost always, you'll find that if there has been a male-hormone influence, you get that sort of appearance.

-Okay.

-So if you can put your hand up and look at it and see... You see your ring finger is taller than your -- -[ Gasps ] -My index.

-And her -- -They're, like, almost the name!

-They are almost the same.

-Yours is shorter.

-Sharon had the male hormone, but her whole body didn't respond to that in terms of her brain, in terms of those fingers.

So you can always look at the finger and say if the index finger is shorter than the ring finger, that is a sign of testosterone exposure during the pregnancy when you are being expected.

-[ Laughs ] No, I feel exactly the same way you feel.

-Yo!

Snap!

-So that's something that's interesting to look at.

-Okay.

Well, I can take this home.

This makes me feel better.

-[ Laughs ] -This makes me feel better.

-Yeah.

-But it just says what influence hormones, what, you know... -[ Laughs ] -That's a curious, interesting... -This makes me feel better.

[ Laughter ] Oh, my God.

I want to show my dad.

-[ Laughs ] [ Thunder rumbles ] -Are you good?

-Mm-hmm!

And you?

-[ Laughs ] You have no idea.

-Yeah.

-I can't wait to share with you the news I have.

I went to the doctor.

And I had final conclusions and final news.

-Yes.

-What they said, it was a penis to you -- It was not tucked in.

It was removed.

What I've learned also is that internally I do have a womb.

My DNA says female.

Genetically... -Mm-hmm.

-...I am female.

I got to understand today why...

I was assigned even female.

-So you're not blaming us on what we did?

Maybe?

-Yeah.

-I'm not doing any... -The -- Honestly, I'm still processing it.

I'm not blaming you anymore.

I don't want to hear you saying, "Sorry that surgeries had happened."

I want you to also understand... [ Speaking native language ] You could say, "Knowing your journey, Dimakatso, I wish that you didn't have to go through those surgeries."

-What happened, it was not for me or for your mom, but it was for us all, in fact.

But to stand by your side, to pick up whatever happens.

I will have asked the Almighty.

If, Lord I've done wrong, please, please forgive me.

Because He's the one, only one who can forgive and forget.

-What about me?

-Hm.

-Yeah.

-Hmm.

-Okay.

See you then.

-Yeah.

Sure.

-We are not defined by just one thing.

We cannot be defined by our ability to give birth.

We cannot be defined by marriage.

We are not defined by our reproductive systems... and organs.

We cannot be defined by chromosomes.

The only thing that we can really be defined by... ...is ourself.

-Who is a woman?

-Someone who chooses to be a woman.

-And who is that?

-It's me.

I'm a woman.

I'm a woman!

[ Laughs ] I'm a woman!

Ohh!

I'm a woman.

-Oh [bleep] -I felt that.

Hey.

I felt that.

I felt that.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-[ Speaking native language ] -Number 7, right?

-Softener and spin.

Spin.

Number 7.

[ Whirring ] -You happy?

-[ Speaking native language ] -[ Laughs ] [ Indistinct conversation ] [ Laughter ] [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Whirring stops ] [ Whirring resumes ] [ Whirring stops ] [ Whirring resumes ] [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] -Yeah.

Alright.

Thank you.

-[ Speaking indistinctly ] -Thank you.