[ Birds chirping ] -This is Global Tel Link.
You have a prepaid call from... -Sol.
-...an inmate at the Central California Women's Facility.
-My name is Sol Mercado.
I'm 35 years old.
I got this name from my dad.
He said that he asked the Virgin that if he had a daughter and if she was born healthy that he was going to name me Sol, just because, you know, I was the sunshine of his life.
[ Both laugh ] -Good to see you, too.
Good to see you guys on the other side.
[ Laughter ] -Cmo ests?
-Papi, papi.
Sal hoy.
-Qu qu?
-[ Laughs ] -Sal hoy.
-Ah.
Qu?
De verdad?
-S.
Ahorita te estaba -- -[ Sobbing ] Papi... -Ay, mija, Dios oy mis plegarias.
Dime, mi amor.
Ests llorando de la alegra, s?
Y hoy con ms... tengo que agradecer a pap Dios muchas cosas.
Llevo tantos aos -- 16 aos -- pidindole.
Y se me cumpli hoy.
Qu vas a hacer ahora que ests libre?
-Pues ahora estoy trabajando con Planting Justice.
Tengo un trabajo a tiempo completo que me ayuda a empezar de nuevo.
-El que siembra buenas semillas recoge buenos frutos.
[ Birds chirping ] [ Chirping continues ] -When I was gardening in prison, I felt that that place was my little piece of freedom.
That was something that helped me to think of that there was something over that fence.
My first time going to the water.
[ Laughs ] I don't know how I feel right now.
This is so amazing.
[ Sighs ] Right at the Bay, I could see the Bay Bridge, the Golden Gate, San Francisco.
This is my bedroom.
It's a little messy.
I was just paying bills.
Now I'm doing grown-up things, and, you know, it feels really good.
-You're itty-bitty.
I thought you was bigger than that.
-Oh, you see, I'm tiny.
I told you I'm short.
-There's times when I go through stores and I'm still like -- I'm like, "Are they following me?
Are you watching me?
They know I've been locked up.
They know."
-I need your help, okay?
-Is this gonna be intimidating for you?
-Yes, and you see, I'm trying to pick -- Like, what I want to do, I want to pick different stuff that I never wore before.
You know, like colors and stuff like that.
Yes, reinvent myself.
When I was in the gang, I would dress with Dickies, Ben Davis, Cortezes.
I was like, "Wow, like, this is not the person that I used to be," because the person that I used to be would go first for all those other type of clothing.
[ Scanner beeps ] -Need help?
-No, I did this the other day and I felt so confused.
I was like, "What do I do now?"
[ Laughs ] Oscar was like, "Do this, do that," you know?
Wow.
-See, it goes all the way back here.
This is where we have a lot of, like, when we do our reentry meetings that you'll be a part of.
We have 'em once a month.
-Mm-hmm.
Oh, what is this right here?
-Pineapple.
Otis.
What's going on?
-How are you doing, my brother?
-This is Sol.
She's going to be one of your new co-workers.
-Oh, okay.
How you doing there?
-Hi.
Good.
How are you?
-She just got out of prison after doin'... -16 years.
-...16 years.
-What?
Okay, welcome.
-Thank you.
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you, too.
-Alright.
Sal?
-Sol.
S-O-L, yeah.
-Sol, okay.
Alright.
-This is Thomas.
-Hi.
Nice to meet you.
-Welcome home.
-Thank you.
-Welcome home.
I just did 12.
-Oh, man.
-I got out earlier this year.
-Yeah, I was supposed to do 31.
Because of the youth offender, I was able to get out on 16.
Yeah.
-That's good.
-Yeah.
In prison, we're no longer people.
We're a number.
Everything goes down to a number.
And it's just like how we lose our identity.
We lose everything about us.
Today I see these numbers and I'm like, "Oh, good.
You know, it's a number for rows for plants."
It's no longer a number for a person.
The first time that I kind of felt like I had some of my humanity back was when I was having my parole hearing and the commissioner asked me to state my first name and my last name.
Months before that, I was able to work in the garden and process things, you know, in my life, what led me to being the person that I am today.
-Gardening heals, alleviating depression and anxiety and boosting feelings of self-worth.
And we want to share how being incarcerated affected how you saw and valued yourself.
-I just want to comment on, um -- on what was said.
Like, um -- Like, as a person who just got out of prison and doing 16 years, you know, it's important to have that support and to have that -- to have that support system to help you build up your belief system and your self-esteem and everything, that -- that you're not those labels, you know?
That you're a human being and that you coming out here a new person, and those labels are being put on you like ex-offender, convict, criminal.
You're the scum of the earth and all these things, you know?
That's not really you.
-So with all those labels, I could take the weeds out that were being given to me and plant new seeds of who I really truly am.
-So I'll say that the thing that helped me even understand gardening, even want to get in the garden, because my grandfather used to always tell me a story about how he was about 12 or maybe 10.
He was picking cotton, basically.
The lady who owned the land, she was like, "Look, I'm going to take you with me and I'm going to tell you we going to the market, but I'm going to open your own account."
And that's how he was able to leave Louisiana.
-You know, a lot of our people don't want to go back to gardening because of those memories of slavery.
But actually, enslaved people, especially women, created their own gardens so that they could survive.
They were given such poor food rations that with the garden, they could supplement their diet, and some were allowed to sell it at the Sunday market.
Through the money that they earned, they were able to buy their own freedom.
-One very important fact that I learned is that Nelson Mandela, when he was incarcerated, he started gardening, and that really transformed his life.
So I really believe on the power of gardening.
-You know, I discovered there's something that nature does to the mind.
We often imagine our minds located in our brains.
That's not the case.
The mind is outside of us in language and the labels we give nature.
So in other words, nature animates the mind, and the mind, in turn, also animates nature.
[ Indistinct talking ] -[ Laughs ] -There you go.
Stay up late.
-Come on.
Come on.
- Make it hard to do right I was lost in the dark trying to search for the light You see, the streets play for keeps And they'll keep you for life Losing friends, losing sleep, and I'm losing my mind But I'm a diamond in the dirt and one day I'mma shine I just took the wrong road and got lost on the ride - Made it from out of place Where it was seen as if there was no end I paid the price for my sins, now I can breathe again Made amends with the sun, now it's shining in Through the window that now I'm outside looking in [ Indistinct talking ] -Yeah!
Whoo!
-I have experienced sexual abuse since I was 5 years old.
We came to California when I was 12 years old against my father's wishes, and my mother started drinking.
There was times where she would leave weeks at a time and I would have to stay at the house and take care of my sister.
And I experience raped again, so I became a runaway.
I started running away from an early age, and that's when I started joining a gang.
I joined a gang at 13.
This is the place where it happened.
This is the place where I took somebody's life, somebody who didn't deserve to die.
His car got stuck in traffic, and we passed by the side, and I shot and killed him.
And he died instantly.
[ Breathes deeply ] The other passenger ran out of the car and ran through this trail and hid in the bushes because he was scared for his life.
You know, like, in my selfish choice, I decided to shoot and kill him without any regards for anybody.
And today I see that...
...I caused a huge ripple effect.
I hope that he could see that I'm no longer the person that I was before.
[ Siren wailing in distance ] That little girl was broken.
That girl that did that that day was lost, was broken.
She didn't, like -- She didn't have no healing in her life.
She didn't get -- You know, she never asked for help.
And I know that if that little girl would've asked for help, her life would've been different.
-Bendicin.
Bendicin, mira.
-Ests en el trabajo todava?
-S.
Te quiero ensear algo que me recuerda a Puerto Rico cuando estaba chiquita y corra a los montes.
Mira.
-Vamos a ver.
-Mira.
S ves?
-Ah, las pias.
-Uh-huh.
-Esa pia es linda.
-S.
Mira.
-Ests en el jardn de pias.
-Y guayaba.
Te acuerdas cuando me suba a los palos de guayaba y coma guayabas?
-S.
-Tambin mira la caa.
-Es caa?
-S.
-Pero son de comer?
-S, son caas de comer.
Te acuerdas en donde estaba la caa all llegando a Rincn?
-Uh-huh.
-S, a esto me recuerda esta caa, cuando corretebamos por todo, jugbamos todo eso ah, y comamos caa.
Este es mi lindo bosque de Puerto Rico.
La imitacin.
[ Both laugh ] -Ac estn los rboles cargaditos de flores y mangos pequeos.
-Oh, s?
Aqu los aguacates no estn tan grandes.
-Te amo.
-Yo tambin te amo, papi.
-Dios te bendiga.
Te amo.
-Bendicin.
-Es como cuando te iba a visitar ah cuando estabas en la crcel, que ya era la hora de venirnos y quera como que... te vinieras a casa con nosotros.
-Para m tambin era difcil mirarlas ir y no poderme ir con ustedes.
Y no, mis sobrinos tambin me hacen muchas preguntas, hasta que un da viene y llega mi hermana y me dice: "Por qu ests aqu?"
Y para m fue difcil, porque dos nios chiquitos sentados en esa mesa, nada ms se me quedaban viendo.
Y bien atentos.
Y yo digo: "Wow, cmo..." -Queran saber.
-Qu les digo?
Y yo les dije: "Yo estaba joven.
Yo tom muchas malas decisiones.
No escuchaba a mi mam.
Y pensaba que yo haca las cosas bien.
Y fui e hice algo malo, y alguien muri".
Y no saba... Nosotras cuando nos metimos a la ganga... todas las pendejadas que hicimos en la pandilla... You know, like... like, we were hurting other people, you know?
-Lo bueno que ya ahora s ya estamos bien, ya nos portamos bien.
-Y ahora todos ya... T con nios, yo tambin.
-Y ahora a cuidar a los hijos para que se vayan por buen camino.
-Me siento... Me siento bendecida.
Algunas veces siento que no me lo merezco.
Porque yo... soy muy dura conmigo misma algunas veces porque yo digo: "Yo le quit la vida a alguien y ahora estoy dando vida".
You know?
Y... Y lo que pienso, lo que yo le estaba diciendo a Beto...
Le digo: "Yo no quiero que este baby crezca como yo, con lo que pas con nosotros".
No quiero que tenga la misma vida que nosotros.
Quiero que tenga una vida diferente.
Que sea una buena persona, que no lastime a nadie.
-No llores.
[ Both chuckle ] -Quiero chillar.
[ Both chuckle and cry ] -So, these are the pictures that they took today of the ultrasound, and I feel like it's so cute.
In prison, I ended up going to see this doctor, and he was talking about giving me a hysterectomy, that I was never going to be able to have kids.
Little did I know that at that time, that same doctor was giving a lot of inmates hysterectomies.
And I had a constant battle with this doctor every time I went, Something in me told me not to do it, you know?
Zuleyka.
Zuleyka.
To be able to have a child when I never imagined that I was going to have kids, when I never imagined that I was going to get out and be pregnant and just have responsibilities and be able to care for a child.
Being able to have my co-workers, like, and feel like a family.
Like, coming out, it feels like I finally know what that sense of community means.
Today, I'm no longer WA-247.
You know, today, I'm Sol.
A sacudir la tristeza.
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