POV

Horn honking

Indistinct conversation

-Can I use your lighter, please? Thank you. -

Speaks indistinctly

Lighter clicking

Indistinct conversation

-Yeah, it's a new day. -You got a cigarette? -I'm all out. I gave them all away. -

Speaks indistinctly

Take a break. Come smoke with us. -What you 'bout to do? Oh, God. He 'bout to move on 'em.

Engine roaring in distance

-Ah. -

Laughs

Yes! Yes. -Ah. -Ah!

Indistinct conversations

-

Bleep

Speaking indistinctly

Bleep

-And, Krystal, how old are you? -I'm 23 years old. I'll be 24 September 28th. -Very good. Happy birthday, if I don't see you. -Oh, why, thank you. -And how long you've been coming to the pier? -How long -- Oh, I've been coming to the pier -- I moved out here on July 1st. And I've been here for about a month, going on two months now. -A month going on two months. -Yeah. -And you came here from... -Philadelphia by way of Missouri, by way of California. I was raised in California. -A lot of people told me when I first came out, like, "Don't make this your life," not that I say I made it my life, "but don't put so much time into it, 'cause it's gonna

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your life up." -What about it

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your life up? -You can get caught up. -Caught up in what? -Yeah, like I said, -This whole village is another world inside a world. -Yeah. -'Cause that's how you know, like, this is its own --

Bleep

-This is the hood. For me, this is another hood. -This is not a hood, 'cause this is like a virtual reality. You'd never know this is here until you actually come here and, like, live it yourself. -Yeah. -Everything in here is amazing, like a story, like, you're reading, like, "This is... "I can't believe this

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This a fairy tale." People will be boys, hustling, never thought about it.

Indistinct conversation

-

Bleep

Speaking indistinctly

Police radio chatter

-At what point were you homeless? -In June of 2009, I became put out of my house. I was reunited with my biological mother. And I came out to her for the first time, during being reunited with her. And she put me out immediately. The only reason I came to New York off the PATH train was 'cause I heard about this program. But, like, I became caught up in the survival of Christopher Street, meaning that I only stay down here. I really made no progression. This is where we socialize. We mix and mingle. We meet new people. We discover new things. We explore ourselves, as well as relationships, you know, those that last and those that only last for an hour. And, I mean, it's really the humor and also, like, the unifying effects of the pier, versus what Christopher Street itself is. It's more of, you know, "This is what I need." You know, sometimes you have to go in there, and you have to steal some food from CVS, you understand? Because, at the end of the day, our bodies need nourishment. But this, the pier, this is where the beauty, where the ugly, the drama, this is where everything takes place. This is our home. Like, people say, "How you can call this your home?" Because everything that happens here, that people who don't have a roof to call a home, everything that happens in a, you know, a home, a house, a family can happen here, as well, you know? You have your most beautiful memories here. Just the scenery itself is beautiful. So, therefore, you have the beautiful moments. You have the bad moments, you know? You have the moments where you make up with that girlfriend that, that you know, "Yeah, I knew I was wrong." So, you have the ability to sit here and say, "I'm sorry." And this is what this means to me. And I can trust you, you know what I mean? Like, this is really a family in itself, because although many people come here on different levels in life, we all can convert to the same place that some of us used to be. And based -- And, in that theory, you know, where we used to be, all serves some type of common, you know, struggle.

Indistinct conversations

-He walked up. He came and gave me a hug. -This is my gay father. -Marvin LaBeija. -Marvin The Libacious? -Yeah. The LaBeija. -

Laughs

-So you're Krystal's gay father? -Yes. Krystal's gay father. -How did you meet Krystal? -Well, Krystal came to us. And she wanted to be a LaBeija. And she has potential of being a LaBeija, so now I got her in training, and I want her to be the woman she's supposed to be in life. -How many children do you have? -Well, I have many kids, but there's only two... that I really nurture. -And who are -- who are you? -Fabian LaBeija. -And Krystal LaBeija. -What's your name? -Krys-- Now, I am Krystal LaBeija. -Not -- -Not -- Not "the" Crystal LaBeija, but I'm Krystal LaBeija nonetheless. -Who is the Crystal LaBeija? -Crystal -- Hi! Well, you can look her up on YouTube, of course. Or you can look her up on the first documentary that was known in the LGBT world, back in 1967, was it? When she stormed off that all-white pageant stage and she said, "Take a picture of me and take a picture of her..." -"And see who looks better, darling!" -"And tall me which one sells more! I'm not saying she's not pretty, but she wasn't better than me tonight." -Yes. -Say it. Each and every one of y'all make a name for yourself. It's not where you at, it's not what you do -- it's how you do it. -Right. -And, for years, this pier been gay. And it's always been a part of everybody's life. There's been times that I have laid down here, I hung out and wouldn't go home just because I want to be among the girls. So tell me to tell you anything, talking about, "This is not the place for you." It ain't like he ain't ever been down here.

Indistinct conversations

-A second might as well be taken. Everybody jump in. Everybody. What, are we throwing up peace signs? -Are you throwing up peace signs? -I don't know. What are we doing? -Where are you at right now? -I'm Pier 40. Um... We're about to be down in the financial district. -What's in the financial district? What are you headed to? -Uh, I work there, but we're going the opposite way right now. We going? Alright, listen, listen, listen. -Wait, wait, wait, wait. -I got one question. -Yes, sir. -Do you notice Black homosexuals or transsexuals down here? -Do I notice it? What does that mean? -Do you notice them here? -What does that mean? -Black homosexuals, transsexuals -- -Do I notice Black...? -Yeah, have you been down here, on the pier, and have you seen these types of people walking around? Have you noticed these people walking around? -Do I notice -- First of all, Black doesn't belong in the same category as homosexuals and -- That's a -- I think that that's a color of skin, and that's something you see every day, no matter if you're in

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right here or if you're in Alabama. No matter what you see, that's not -- You're comparing apples and oranges with that question. Um, first of all, I think Obama's comments today -- Did anyone -- -Yes, about -- -You guys heard him? -Talk about it. What was it? -I think they were ridiculous. I think that if a white -- -What did he say? First off, what did Obama say today? -I read a CNN article, and they were talking about his comments on -- -Trayvon Martin, right? -Yeah, he could have been that guy -- He could have been Trayvon Martin 30 years ago. And he said he could have been followed around in a... grocery store or whatever he -- Uh, a department store. -Clothing store, yeah. -And he said Black women grip their purses -- Or, no, no, white women grip their purses. I honestly think this is -- I mean, some of my best friends are Black. I honestly think... that the same color of his skin that he is saying got him followed around in department stores and got women to clutch their bags in elevators, I think that same color of his skin got him elected President.

Police siren chirping

Nicki Minaj music plays on speaker

-It's that gay

bleep

It's that gay

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You know. We out here. On that gay

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You already know. -It's not like we come down here or people come down here to look for dates. It's, like, people come up to the young youth, you know what I'm saying, they offer them money and if they ain't got no money in their pocket, of course they're gonna take it. You know what I'm saying, It's not like, oh, they be, like, "What's up? You wanna hang out?" or nothing like that. We get approached more than anything, and it's, like, we suffer the consequences because we get approached. Money talks, bull

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walks. It's just like that, like -- You know what I'm saying, people don't -- A lot of people down here don't have a lot of homes to go to, so, for them to make a coin or something like that -- The police make it seem like they're gonna stop prostitution. Prostitution can't be stopped.

Indistinct conversations

- Today I don't feel like doing anything I just wanna sit on my throne -What were the choices you had to deal with your situation tonight? What were the things that were available to you as options? -Either to go to the beat, march down to the beat, where I used to go to on 128th -- Like 125th Street on Park Avenue, I'll just say that. And... In Harlem, or just, um... try to get as much connection on my laptop as possible. Luckily, I have my laptop, and if they want to do incoming or outgoing calls, and pretty much it got to the point where because, most of the time, when they want teat girls, they want

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girls,

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girls. Those are the ones that can charge those big rates or whatever, or most people who look for teat girls, that's one of the requests, at least to have areola, and I don't have those yet. So, it's either that, get someone who's willing to deal with a cross-dresser, which, that's what I would file under right now, or go back to use my boy sites, and that's what I've been having to do. And I had a hit tonight. So instead of going to the beat, I'm going to a in-house date, or whatever. -Starting with cycle six --

00 to 5

00, so this is just overtime.

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00? -9:00

to 5

00, it's Marshalls, that pays the rent. You know, puts food on the table. This is just overtime, for shopping. -How's business? -Business is good! $500 in two hours. Hold up, one sec.

Indistinct conversation

to 5

-You're getting people just off work and stuff like that or that's trying to date before their wives get home.

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00-ish. They offer sometimes $20, which I laugh at, for a

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And then it can range all the way anywhere between $20 to $80. Me, the lowest I'll ever go down is $50. If the boy's cute, maybe $40. If it's an easy date, or it's a slow night, then maybe $40, just so I can have a substantial amount to make it through the next day. -Tonight is the trans stroll? -Yeah, it's a mixture, 'cause a block away is a girl stroll and if you're a

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enough, or if you're passable enough, you can go on both strolls, so sometimes I go on both strolls. Like I said, today should be a rather quick night, 'cause all I'm trying to do is get enough to do what I need to do to make it for two days, so... And I'm a pretty good budgeter, so... As long as I can buy some more sandwich meat and

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-Mm-hmm. -And get to church tomorrow. -Right. -I'm alright, so that could be just one date. -The

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up part about out there in, what? The West Village. -The West Vill. Out here in West, it's crazy. West Village is crazy. It's

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up. We fight so hard to have as much... equal rights as straight gendered people... in America, yet... we fight amongst ourselves. and so we get ahead of those rights. -It's not the drug use that causes problems. It's not the drug dealers that cause the problem. It's not the sex workers that cause problems out here. It's the crisis that's being, you know, generated to this one particular area. It's the -- -What's the crisis? -It's the homeless population. We, as homeless youth, come to this area because this is what we know as safe zone.

Indistinct shouting

Music playing on stereo

Indistinct conversations

Music playing on stereo

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-He was here for the whole time. He was here the whole time. -There's like 30 of us. -Ain't nobody gonna touch him.

People arguing indistinctly

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-Shh, shh, shh. -Don't get in my face. -Stop, stop, stop, stop. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.

Indistinct arguing, shouting

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-Shh, shh. I got something to say. I got -- Wait, stop. I got something to say. The only concern, right, is for the baby, but he want to pull out his night stick. That's a bull

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excuse. -You got that, right? -Ha, ha. -Shut up and listen.

People ranting indistinctly

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-Well, she was about to get hit!

Indistinct conversations

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-I don't understand why they taking them. They were friends. They were only playing. They're taking them for no reason. They wasn't really fighting. They were playing. -And the thing is, it was more than two people playing. -Exactly. Everybody was play-fighting. They was playing. So whoever called the cops, they got it wrong. They wasn't for real. They were playing with each other. They know each other. They're friends.

Indistinct conversations

Police radio chatter

Siren chirps

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-How many cops do you think were just out there to arrest two people? -Like 25 to 40. -And what happened? -My two friends was play-fighting, and then both -- It was me and my friends, and we were all play-fighting but -- And then the cops came, but I ran. And then my friends got caught play-fighting and then they got locked up. But I don't -- I believe there's something more to that. I believe that it's because we're homosexual and, like, because they just don't like gay people. -They told us to wait out here for 10, 20 minutes until -- -Don't be fretting, my boo, 'cause we be in here together. I really don't care. -It's just sad. It's really sad.

Hip-hop music blasting, siren wailing

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-Jesus. -

Laughs

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Indistinct shouting

Bleep

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-Go home, go home! Go home, go home! Y'all chill out and go home! -Folks! Folks, can't say it any more nicer than that. Start walking. You can't congregate like this. -I'm waiting for the -- -Start walking.

Indistinct conversations

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-

Laughs

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Officer, you wanna search me?

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-

Bleep

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-Get off the road! On the sidewalk! -On the sidewalk. -You call your boyfriend and girlfriend up every 10 seconds and say "I love you," all up in each other's face every day. And we call that the cupcake dance, until something hits the fan. -I'm very soothed, because I feel, by the summer, I'm definitely going to be in housing. I can feel that. I come over to...help out. This is Aaron's grandmother's house and I just come over to help out as needed. And...go about my business. Took me a while to get the okay... to be able to be in his space, but now that it is okay, I don't burn my bridges. I do what I'm asked to do. And it's beneficial, 'cause I get to chill with my best friend, and I get to learn about his family. And we just spend time together. It was one time where Aaron snuck me in.

Laughs

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And we got caught. And, um... his grandmother, she said, "This ain't no drive for strays." And it was very amusing. It's very funny, to me, but at the time, I had to realize that what I was doing was wrong. I'm just going to show you guys a little bit of what I do for survival. And, today, my store of choice was Pathmark. And I went to Pathmark, and I confiscated AKA "boosted" AKA stole three packs of beef, short bone ribs......one container of extra virgin olive oil... -Healthy. -...body scrub... -...four packs Uncle Ben's Spanish rice. -There's four of them there. -Four of them. Uncle Ben's. Preparation H. -So, the first time I actually started this was probably when I moved to New York, and I seen that it was really common. And, so, with the talent of -- I will say talent, of, you know... being very nonchalant and environment-orientated, meaning I can adapt to an environment very quickly and be comfortable in it. You know, I learned how to work my way around the stores and confiscate items here and there. -How does one do that? -Um, well, what I do is I go in and I grab me a shopping cart. And I shop, legitimately. And as I shop, I have my book bag, and, while shopping, I will pull over an aisle, with the least amount of surveillance, and I'll just load up, and I'll walk to the register, and I'll stand in line, and I have a gift card that I probably used two weeks ago. And I'll put the items on the register, have them scan it, boom, boom, boom. And then, when I swipe the card, I give, "Oh. Sorry, I forgot to activate my card. I'll be right back." And I don't go back. I don't feel like it's wrong. I don't feel like it's right, either, but... I do feel like, in order for me to live, if I know that I could do this... periodically, and I could do it in a sense of moderation, and I don't rely on doing it, it's worth the risk. Being homeless and being HIV-negative is very hard, when you don't have a handicap or a disability or something for the New York City system to manipulate in your favor. The thought of becoming positive has crossed my mind, because it seems so easy to do that and just get off the streets. It's the easy way out, and I've said this before. It's so easy, like, with the knowledge and the skill that I have, if I was to become positive, I'd be housed in three days.

Music playing in distance

Indistinct conversations

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-Even guys like me, right, straight or whatever, if someone don't have a place to live, there's all these

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and all that, that's how they come here. When they come here, they get caught up in this life. People give you drugs. People take you to they house and they pay you for sex, like you say. So they homeless, so they turning to this lifestyle and learning things. Money's also -- I guarantee you, you come here broke, and you always leave with money. There's no way you cannot leave with no money from here. People that buy mostly are businesspeople, Wall Street people, people that have jobs, that are married. -You don't want to come here? Come here. I'm-a count to three. If you don't come right here, I'm-a come over there. One. Hey, come here, man. -No! -Why? -If you want to talk to me... -Who said I want to talk to you? I just said come here. -For what? -Maybe I want to look at you. I don't want to talk to you. You never seen that before? Come here. Alright, you come together, then. With your friend. I see you gotta confer. Come together. Come with your friend. -What did he ask you to do? -Um, porno, all that. You know. It's basically like -- -

Laughs

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What happening? -Hey, what's good? I mean, they just draw people in. It's not like $500. It be like $150 or whatever. It's just a whole bunch of

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-They also just try lure you in by asking you to work with women, and then, when you get there, they want -- Then they tell you, "Oh, nah, look, it's this." And that's when you think you

bleep

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up. They try to lure you down to see if you thirsty for money, to see how thirsty you are, so they can tell you, "Oh, here's $200," $150, and send you on your way. When you're supposed to get like $2,500, three G's for some movie like that. Yeah. -Wow. -That's why they come out here. Like I said, people are homeless and stuff. They'll come running to anything. You run into a guy like that, you hear this kind of $200, $500, $2,500, they running with it. They running with it. Don't you think I know where they stay? Yeah, they running with it.

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-Hi. I'm Milkshake, from Jersey.

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-Milkshake, Milkshake! -AKA Angela. I gave her that name. -And where are we tonight? Where are we talking? -Um, Christopher Street, of course! Christopher and Greenwich, where I work. -And what's -- What do you do for work? -Oh, baby, I'm a sex worker, all day. -Okay, alright. -Yeah, I do what I got to do.

Bleep

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pay bills. -Especially good

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-Oh, damn right, the best

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That Milkshake

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-Mm! -All that good-ass, hey. -How long have you, like -- How long have you been coming to Christopher Street for work? -Oh, wow! Years. Years. Since I was young. You know, when I first started out, I was a boy. Now I'm a girl. -What's it like being a teenage trans girl, on Christopher Street? -Oh, wow, it's hard. Back then, it was hard. Now it's just, like, hey, everybody's doing it, so, hey,

bleep

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it. -With my bag. And then -- And then the tray is just like -- There's him and a few of his friends, they posted up, you know, they got the car. They got the car on the corner, you know, blasting the stereo, doors open. And he's like, "What's up, mami? What's going?" I'm like, "I'm just walking." And he like, "Oh, what you was doing tonight?" I'm like, "Chilling." And he was like, "Oh. Well, first off, let me ask you, are you a guy? And I was, like... "Yeah." What I should have said was, "No, I'm not a guy, I'm a transgender woman," even though I don't take hormones or any

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like that. But I was like, "Yeah?" And he looked at me like, "Bitch." And he was over me. He was like, "Get the

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out of here." He's like, "Nah, never mind. Get the

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out of here, you

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" all that gay

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And, like, he was just going -- He just started blacking, like going off, like, "Now you gonna get beat up," like, "Get the

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away from me. You gonna get beat up." You stopped me, baby. Okay? I didn't have to stop for you. I didn't have to. And he's just -- He was just over me, like, "Get the

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away from me. before you get beat up," all this nonsense. So I just walked away like white women

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like -- I did like this.

Clicks tongue

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All his friends was laughing and

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and I just walked away like

Clicks tongue

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-In the club, feeling fine, looking like love, star 69. She's -- Girl! Hold on. I'm on camera, honey. Hold on. -I look like

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right now, in person. but I still don't care for -- -What's missing? Why do you feel like you look -- -Because I look like a

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2, not a 10. But I don't care, 'cause usually, I look hot. Now I just look, like

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Like, "Okay, she has a hole, and she's not fat, so we can deal with it." I don't look like these bitches, untouchable, like she's a 12. But, you know, I look

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so

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good. -There she is. Hey, girl. -And we was walking across the highway. And the dude was walking ahead. I guess he

bleep

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I don't know. Anyway, so, me and her was talking. "Lower your voice." And I'm like, "I'm not talking to you," you know what I'm saying? Anyway. So he walking. Then me and him start arguing, and then he walked ahead, and he turned round, and he punched me in my face. And so I swung back on him, and he ran. And in the midst, you know what I'm saying, me covering my

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-Oh, my God. -So. -Oh, my God. -So... 'Cause my sister's

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baby shower on Sunday, I was trying to make all this money. Can't even

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Well, I could try. I tried to, but, this guy, he wanted to see my eyes. He was like, you know, 'cause he wondered why -- -Can I ask you a question? -Mm-hmm. -Why do you have sex for money? -'Cause I need to eat. I need to eat. And I have needs, I have habits I have to support. And I was working for the white man for six years. I don't care. I'd rather juice white men for their money instead of -- Get out of them in half an hour what I get out of them in two weeks on a paycheck. Then, you know -- It is what it is.

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-Is it okay for you, moving on with your life, or even for me, to want to settle for $20, $30, and yet you're putting your body, your throne, at risk of contracting anything? I would put myself at risk of having sex with you for $600, raw, knowing that you're going to give me that $600... knowing that I need it at that time. But how long -- How many times is it going to take for me to settle for that before I realize that this is not what I want? How many times is it going to take for me to settle for that, until I contract something so significant that I have to make these drastic life changes? -Do you feel that such a day is inevitable? -Yes, it's clearly. -Why? -Because, I mean, in that role of work... I'm going into another person's presence with the mind-set of gaining a financial benefit. So, he's a stranger to me. He, she, you understand, is a stranger to me. I have never seen this individual. So, I... Just like he doesn't know if finances is all I want, I don't know if a

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or maybe sex is all that he wants. You understand? This is the dog-eat-dog world we live in and the certain circumstances. But if I know that I can put my foot work in and to not going into somebody's car, but to go into a job and wait two weeks and get a check that I can clearly walk to the bank and feel proud of and being able to say, "I worked for this, without putting myself at risk," and at the same time, you know, meeting other people, helping other people doing something more productive with my time, I would definitely feel -- me, as a person -- I would feel comfortable doing that for the rest of my life.

Foghorn blows

Indistinct conversations

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-At least that's something. -No, that's not -- That's nothing, if that's the case! If you say your phone bill is more important than where you lay your head, the place that you say you don't wanna be homeless from. But your phone bill. Then you sell it, come back and then wanna say I can't put food in the house. You still only getting $100, boo-boo. -And I filled my phone. -Right! Good for you! And you paid that bill. We actually got cut off, but you was willing to give $200 there, but you gave $100 here. That's all I'm saying.

Indistinct arguing

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-

Bleep

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-Well, I don't got money. -Now, you lucky. You lucky people have -- -You're lucky! You're lucky! You're lucky! You're lucky! You are! You are! -I'm not lucky nothing! -Go find a place for $100 a month. Tell me! Your bill ain't even $100 a month.

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-

Bleep

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I had a room, air conditioner. Okay? And...my clothes washed. -Where you at? Go back. -And my clothes washed! -Tell her to take you back for $100. You still gave her $200. She had a little extra! She got three in a bedroom with six kids on welfare, the thing that you're talking about I get? -

Laughing

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-

Speaks indistinctly

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-You don't even get it! And you can! That's the sad thing! You still ain't took your ass down there and got yours. My $200 food stamps pays -- feeds you when you ain't got

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in your pocket. And that's supposed to just be for me. -Nobody has power over me. Nobody does. -

Bleep

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Christ. -Nobody has power over -- -

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Christ. If I needed power over you, boo -- -

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-The moment you told me the first time that you couldn't do it... -Krystal. -The moment I -- Even the $200 number -- -Krystal! Krystal. -I would've simply just said no. Your shoes cost more than what you give me! And you act like you give me something I'm supposed to just -- -Okay. -I'm not putting power over you. That's what I'm saying. -

Shouting indistinctly

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So what?! So what?! If I want to spend $200 on

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Jordans, I can do it! So

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what?!

Shouting indistinctly

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Stop, stop, stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! -You're right. Live in your shoes. You can't. You can't fit. You can only wear them on your feet.

Music playing quietly

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-I kind of feel bad sometimes when I put the pressure on Krystal to having to do something that she really don't feel comfortable to do. Like, helping me with the hormone process. I'm really lucky. One time, she helped me or whatever, and because I'm just thinking, like, I didn't know her that much. I thought she was so shady, I swear. I thought she put chicken grease in the hormones. -We're getting the word out about local businesses that are opening their doors after Hurricane Sandy. Small business owners -- -Like, because this was so new to me, and I was feeling things.

Chuckles

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You know, I was going through it. I was smiling one minute and cursing you out so bad the next minute, crying just because the sky was gray, and I thought it was sunny outside. -Y'all would catch me on a day that my hands are... ridiculously bad. That's New York City bedbugs for you. -Are you serious? -Yes. That's what that came from. -Those are bed bug bites? -Yes. -How do you have a kid? -How do you -- I mean -- -How does Krystal Dixon have a kid? -Well, you have to birth a love for somebody, or you just -- You're birthing a new relationship. You're birthing new emotions for somebody. -My nail shape looks so nice right now, right? -Yeah, I thought you were gonna get acrylic, but then I forgot you were one of those natural girls with the nails. I knew not to expect too much. I was like, "Oh." You're natural now. -I'm not looking for a friend mom. I'm not looking for a mentor mom. I'm looking for a mother. You know? And it's, like, she's kind of been giving me that now. You know we have our ups and downs, fiercely, grammatical terms, we go through a lot, all the time. And to know that my birth mother didn't hold onto me but I got somebody who says, you know, "But I'm-a step in and take that title and give you the best I can hold you with," you know, regardless whether it's through medication or it's through money. You know, even me just denying you not going somewhere, making you realize that you got to do certain things on your own. -Right. -You know what I mean, and even when we come off and I'm running my mouth because I just don't like being alone. You know, like, I mean, it might sound like I'm trying to sound fine, but I know just like as well as they know, being pretty and cut is something scary. You could deny it, you can make it seem otherwise, it's fine, but it's scary. -Why? -For me, I feel like it's scary because when you pretty and you "cut" and real, you're not going to go through what the girl, who, they walk down the block and they say, "Oh

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that's a man." You're not going to go through when they say, "Oh," everybody in the store is staring, and they say, "Yo, I think that's a dude." You know what I'm trying to say? Suppose so when you walk in, you get the utmost respect if it's not through your biological family with their own problems, you know, people identify you and respect you as a female that you are that you identify as and present and live your life to be. And, you know, I had that kind of hard. Like, even recently, they can tell that I'm facing, you know, Krystal like with my family acceptance, but never did I ever hear Krystal ever disrespect me and call me by my given birth name. -Where we headed today? -Liberation In Truth, Unity Fellowship Church in Newark, New Jersey. It is my church that I was born and raised in. My foster mother and foster siblings will be there. And I'm actually going to enjoy myself. I really love the church. The young group is off the hook. It's like the religion and church for me. I was never told the story of how I was brought into my foster mother's life and adopted. All I know is that, like, where I began, she had custody of me at 15 months. And that's all I know. -Have you ever...? -I never even posed the question, no. -Clearly, your foster mother is your main mother. She's who you know to be a mother. -Absolutely. -And we know that coming out was a life-path-changing experience. -It went from just this to

Exhaling sharply

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Then off this way. -Right. -Mad roads just bloomed. - Things tend to slip my mind Like how you love to wine and dine me, baby - I know romance is important - Important to the way that we feel -All I'm asking you to do is just see me. That's it.

Woman speaking indistinctly through phone

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I mean, even -- Ma. Even -- Even if -- Even if, the whole time, I will freakin' put my scarf on my face the whole time. Just to see you. Because, like, honestly, what you're asking for, like I told you, it's not in my wardrobe anymore. Just for you? There's things I can't hide, Ma. Like, these are things that I told you when I started. It's not like I can just go change clothes anymore and come like you want. It won't fit the same way. Ma, my face and everyth-- It won't be the same, Ma. If I was gonna get -- I would just look like one of these -- Obviously, honestly, I will look like more of what you don't want me to look like, in a sense, 'cause I would just look like one of these hard

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that walks down the street, that you see all the time. -Okay. -So you want me to -- So, you don't want me to look like a girl, but you want me to look like a

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Very well, Ma. Home on the range That's what this look like today. There's no grass or buildings. It's all just snow. -Krystal is my... Can I say my nephew? -Yeah, you can. -Okay, Krystal is my nephew. Okay? I call her twin because -- I don't know her as Krystal. I don't know him as Krystal. This is my nephew. No mother wants to sit back and say, "Well, my child, I gave birth to a son, and now he wants to become a woman." No. I mean, let's keep it real. You know, and knowing how -- how she -- what she believes in, knowing as far as... She loves her son. She loves him dearly. Does she agree with his lifestyle? No. You can...live your life. What's wrong with... taking this lifestyle, setting it outside your mother's door... so that you can go in here and love on her? -What do you say to that? -

Sighs deeply

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I said, I'm tired of doing that. -It's no different when my other brother passed away. He was gay, and he had HIV. And when he -- before he passed... same way I told my siblings then... y'all have to put this aside. Judging him because of his lifestyle. You got to draw him in, because he's not gonna be around. Give him -- You know, give him his roses now while he yet live. Love on him anyway. It's no different. Love on my nephew. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so, come to a meeting of the mind. Even if it's a thing, we're getting together and, and, you know, as far as, if I had to go talk to my sister, 'cause if I can't get this one to budge, and I have compassion for what he's going through, I'm that one that'll go and get her to budge. That's what I have to do. That's why he loves me so.

Both laugh

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-Do you believe that Krystal will be able to make it into righteousness in this form that she's in? -When he stands before the Lord... he's gonna be standing before the Lord as a man. -Where do you find yourself in the Bible? Where do you find salvation in the Bible, as a trans woman? -As a trans -- I'm a woman of trans experience. -Lick your lips! You have to put a little Vaseline on your lips, huh? Mommy put grease on your face? This is Brooklyn. -Oh, got it better! -Oh, you got it? -Got it. -Oh, see?

Speaking indistinctly

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Oh, my name is Casper. Jusheem Thorne Tyree Jones, that's on Facebook. You can call me either one, doesn't matter. Some people call me Josh. Most people call me Casper. I was born in Harlem. St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital. Back then, it was St. Luke's Women's Hospital. Then I grew up in -- Here it goes -- Queens, Rockland County, in Brooklyn. Queens was like... till I was like 8, 9 years old. Rockland County, I was 13 1/2. Then I went to Brooklyn. And here we are in New York. For the few years that I lived with my mom, from 13 1/2 to like 18, 19... she taught me a lifetime. And it's hard to fit a lifetime... in five, six years. It's really hard. And that what I love about her. She went through so much, she could teach me three years of stuff in five minutes. She's highly intelligent. We sit there. We read about the Bible. She's a Jehovah's Witness. The suffering and all that came from day one. Once -- Once Adam and Eve disregarded God's words, it was just up and down from there. But...he still loves us.

Chuckles

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I mean, it's pretty cool, though. It's pretty cool. Life is good. Just to be here, standing, breathing fresh air, it's great. But sometimes I don't think it's greater than actually being dead. 'Cause when you're dead, you ain't gotta worry about no stress. You ain't gotta worry about nothing. You're in a better place. You ain't gotta worry, "Oh, my hands are cold. Oh, my gosh. Oh, why this girl bothering --" You ain't got to worry about none of that. That's why, when people die, I tell them, "Yo, it's, it's alright. It's gonna be okay. "We're gonna all meet up again one day and, right now, they ain't got to worry about the drama that we're dealing with. -Did you teach Jemani how to skateboard? -Actually, he learned on his own and, uh... I just found out last year and... there he is. When I informed my family about my sexuality, me being bisexual... they did not like that at all. Like, my aunt -- The one thing she said, I wanted to laugh, she was like, "You like it, I love it!" and I'm like -- I wanted to laugh at it. But they don't know that... I'm not taking a

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I'm giving

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So when I tried to explain that, it was just ridiculously crazy. Then I almost got into a fight with my uncle. Like, he did 15 years up north, and he's like -- Like 5'6"... almost 300 pounds... like 13% body fat. That's pretty solid. And...he's like, "I'm gonna beat you up right now! I'll kick you down the stairs!" and I'm just looking at him, like, "Dude." I can understand his pain, because he just lost his son on like two days before Thanksgiving. I was -- I was furious, but I understood his pain. And that's what stopped me from actually -- from him threatening me and me swinging on him 'cause usually, someone threaten me, and this close to my face, I'm going to swing. I feel my personal space has been invaded. I feel threatened, I'm-a hurt you. But I felt his pain, and then, on top of that, he's family. I felt -- I felt his pain, like... he, he looks at me like his... like I'm his own son. He's been out of jail like five years, six years, maybe. And he's such a cool person. And I want to get back to where we were. Like, "Hey, what up, Uncle Shawn, how you doing?" I want to be able to go and just ring his bell, out of the blue. Like, "What up, Uncle Shawn, how you doing?" I mean, stuff like that.

Gospel music playing

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-The day I was adopted, I remember being in the courtroom and the judge asking me, you know, "Do you want Miss Irby to be your mother?" And I looked at her, and I said, "Yes." I said, "Yeah," because, even at that point, the behaviors were building, that I can remember, you know, I had some significant behavior problems back then. So, after that, we went to Burger King. And, you know, we celebrated. You know, any kid back then, Burger King was the

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so. And you got the toy and everything. She brought me a gift, and it was, you know, I went home -- I think she had bought me a cake. It was just a big thing. After that, that's when my behavior -- behavior just went crazy. Like... I don't even, like, know how it started. It was just like, it was a natural response. Like, after a while, it just became habit... to, like, wild out. It was just habit. School was actually the main place that triggered it, a lot. You know, I was geeky. I was fat. I didn't have much. My basic attire came from Payless, Kmart, Children's Place. After a while, it got so bad where I was in RTFs, residential treatment facilities. I was in, um... children's maximum lockdown facilities, like, in Jersey. I was in one called Foundations Behavioral Health, in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. I was basically all through the tri-state. Pretty much. -At what age did this journey through the tri-state begin? -Uh... -That you recall. -The youngest I can recall being was 10. I was in a long placement and pretty much grew up in long placements. Like, literally grew up bouncing from program to program to program. Four years, two years, two years, three years, another four-year program, two-year program. By then, I was basically a grown-ass man. -Okay! -

Laughs

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-I got some for you! See you later. -Have a good one. Alright.

Indistinct conversations

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-Cory! -Love you! -Love you, too. -Alright, brother, I'll be here next Sunday. -How you doing? -How you doing? -Paradise. My love. Wait, before you get back in... See? See? There you go rushing. I was gonna give you a hug. -Aww. Mwah. Will I see you next week? -Yes, I will be here next week, definitely. -Alright. Love you. -I don't care what he does to his body. At the end of the day... he's a he. He can look like a she. He can have sex like a she. He can alter and have breasts like a she. But, at the end of the day, he's he. -For me, I gave birth to a son. And that's what he is. He's my son. -He's my nephew. -I don't speak to him any different way than I would speak to any of my sons. It's not to disrespect him, but it's just the truth. You're my son. -Mm-hmm. -And -- And it has nothing to do with respect. It has nothing to do with disrespecting him. It has to do with, "That's my son." And if I -- If I give you the respect to make all the choices you want to make, you give me the respect of what... You, I gave birth to. I gave birth to my son. Out of the womb, when they said, "It's a boy." -Can I say something? -And I accept him -- Yes, sir. -Coming here today was a choice. Wasn't the easy choice. But it was a choice. It was a choice that......my love for you made, disregard... all the uncomfortabilities......because... Just like any other given time, no matter how uncomfortable it was... I still love you... and that will never change. And knowing how strong my love is for you......if -- And we've had these discussions. If it was......possible to choose......to not... feel how I feel......I would never choose......to go through... or to have to hold back. Because he lives I can face tomorrow Because he lives All my fear is gone Because I know - Know - Who holds my future And life is worth The living Just because He lives - Because He lives I can face tomorrow Because He lives All of my fears Are gone Because I know He holds My future And life is worth The living just Because he lives

Somber piano music playing

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- Then we'll come to see All that life can be Paradise eternally He will call The dead will answer They shall live at his command For he Will have a longing For the work Of his own hand So have faith And do not wonder For our God Can make us stand And we Shall live forever As the work Of his own hand -

Sobbing

Wailing, sobbing

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Oh, God! -I wish you was here, bro. I love you. Always and forever. Casper. -One love, man. One love. One heart. One soul.

Indistinct conversations

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-Which way we going? -We going this way! We're gonna all group up right there, and then we're just gonna march straight down to the pier. I wanna put his... put his memorial either on that brick building and/or right there, smack in that little flower area on Christopher, right between Christopher and West Side Highway.

Indistinct conversations

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-Is there a way we can light all those candles? -There is a way. -When I started coming out here, you know, I started to see Casper out here, and I started to have my deepest conversations with him from out here, you know what I mean, and it's just a place where... you know, you can be you. You can do what you are comfortable in doing. You can -- You can be a part of something that, you know, could give you the sense of acceptance that you didn't get enough from a family home. You get from friends and peers and acquaintances out here. You know what I mean? And that's why we're doing this today, 'cause Casper was somebody who would've definitely done it for us, if it was one of us.

Indistinct conversations

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-Now, first and foremost, my name is Basheem Anthony. And, for some of you who don't know, my name is Bam. But me and Jusheem Thorne, AKA Casper, before the Door, as a lot of people know him out here at West 4th. This is my big brother. There was a time where, when we were younger, and his moms had a problem. Now, his mom's dad sold all his clothes for drugs and kicked him out. Now, me, as a person, you feel me, and I had mad love for him, I let him stay with me. He stayed with me for four years. He ate, slept, to the point where we shared the same clothes together. And realizing this happened, it hurts a lot for me, and as well for my side of the family, they hurt, as well. So, I just want to say, yo, bro, I miss you. I love you. -Casper was a saint. He was a brother. He was the life of the party. He was an individual that could bring a smile to your face in your worst hours. He was somebody that everybody enjoyed being around. He was a peaceful brother. He had a gift. He was an artist. He enjoyed music. He was a deejay. He drew beyond drawing. You understand? The way this brother has impacted my life, he told me always, keep it going. Never give up. You'll always do better if you know better, is what he told me. And I thank you for that.

Music playing in headphones

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-Look at this little short guy. Look at this little short guy here! He look like Daddy! -Krystal, when was this, like two, three years ago when I first found out? It was when I got out of jail, when I first -- And she was knocking on my door, and I thought it was somebody else. I came downstairs, and, uh... I was like, "What you want? Who is you here for? And you're like, "It's me, stupid." And I was like, oh, snap, so I opened the door. That's when I first seen, 'cause I'm, like, "Oh, man, 2:00 in the morning."

Laughs

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That was my first time. At first, I didn't accept it. I was not with it. And then it was just, like, she was still always there, and when I got locked up, she was always -- She'd visit. She wrote. She called and everything, so, I was just like, "If she can do all that while I'm locked up or whatever, when a lot of people skirted or whatever," it's just, like, I'm not gonna turn my back on her." So, when I got out, we've been close like we was kids. -Do you want me to change? -Yes. Into something like this. Classy. This is you. -I didn't bring no outfits like that. -This is you. -I didn't bring any of that. Yes, she looks modest. It's -- No, that's cute. It's just, I can't wear that right now, because I didn't bring that. -Where's my charger? -We going on a shopping spree. We getting you

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like that. -Okay, well, you get it, and I'll wear it. -We first found out -- Or she was like, "He thinks he's gay." That was -- That conversation, I remember. "Terrence thinks he's gay." Me, being a big brother... all I think of, "He's not gay. I just got to get him some sex. I get him a girl, and he'll be okay." That was me. Like I said, I didn't want to believe it. Like, it's my little brother. We play football. We wrestle, we -- He's not gay. He's too...masculine-acting to be...feminine. So, my first concept was, like, "I need to get him a girl." And that was the conversation I had with my mom on the phone. Right now, I'm at the point like, what now? I can't expect a child from him. Like, so where do we go from here, besides the fact that I love you unconditionally? I can continue to do that. But when are we going to, like... What about the different changes of life, like? So, when I say, like, I'm stuck, it's like we was supposed -- We talked about all having kids together, like, our kids growing up, playing sports together. Now, I know you chose this lifestyle. I'm happy for you. You're happy, I'm happy. But it's, like, what's new in our chapter of life, like...? -What if I told you Krystal had children? -Then I'd say, why the hell I ain't met 'em yet? Those are my nieces and nephews.

Laughs

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-Where do you see yourself in the next couple of years? -In the next couple of years... Alive. Doing well. Maybe at a permanent profession. Looking better, of course. Not...homeless or without, I would say that.

Laughter

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-We're not kids no more. -Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, you're the centerpiece.

Laughter

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Yeah. You mess with her, you mess with us. -You wanna put our weight on it? -

Laughs

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-You mess with her, you mess with us.

Police radio chatter

Siren wailing in distance

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- In physical attraction But to my satisfaction Baby, you were more than just a face And if I ever -DeSean is my bestie. He was the first person that I met when I started coming out to the village, as a boy. Recently, he's been locked for um... for some -- some altercation. DeSean's next court date is on the 21st. I'm gonna be there to show him my support, 'cause, like I said, he's a good person. He had -- You know, his intentions weren't completely selfish, even though, you know, it wasn't that serious. -Would you describe DeSean as a bully? -Not at all. I just feel like DeSean is a leader. He's a -- He's a strong person, and he is his own person. Like, you know, he's just the way he is. And I love him. That's my bestie. I wouldn't -- I wouldn't change him. I would -- I would just encourage him to do the right thing, to, um, pursue......proper goals in life.

Indistinct conversations, laughter

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-People, whatever their concerns, criticisms, antagonism towards Hillary Clinton, vote for Hillary Clinton. If you will, hold your nose, because a Trump presidency... -Hey, you already prepared! -...is just so abhorrent to our basic values.

Man speaking indistinctly on TV

Frying pan sizzling

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-Krystal? -Uh-huh. -Are you happy? -Oh, genuinely, yes. I felt this way, I would say... I don't know. Like, I can't see that I've ever... encouraged sadness in my life. So... But am I happy in my marriage? Hell yeah. Like, if anybody gets married, I would hope that it's not to be sadder.

Chuckles

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-What makes you -- makes you happy, then? -I'm happy that my marriage is everything I envisioned it to be, I would say. I'm happy that it's not less than what I expected it to be. But then I know my ass wouldn't accept less than what I set out for. So, it's, like... both of us, we're both strong-headed, so if there are arguments, it's usually out of love, because we know what we envision for our relationship. -It's normal. I step outside, I tell her all the time, I said we walk with our heads up. You know what I mean? We're normal people. You know, we present ourselves as normal people. People respect us as normal people. You know, they don't want to attack us, verbally or physically or try to challenge me, because they feel like I look soft or whatever, judgmental, or whatever they feel. You know what I mean? Because I don't think I look soft, you know what I mean?

"Summertime" playing

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Door shuts

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-Hey, babe. -Yeah. Summertime And the living is easy Fish are jumping And the cotton is high Oh, your daddy's rich And your mama is good-looking So, hush Little baby Don't you cry -Ha! -My life! My life, my life.

Indistinct conversations, man shouting indistinctly

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-Tell me what you want, what you really want! -Trans justice! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you need, what you really need! -Trans justice! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you want, what you really want! -Trans justice! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you need! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you want, what you really want! -Trans justice! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you need, what you really need! -Trans justice! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you want, what you really want! -Trans justice! -Trans justice! -Tell me what you need, what you really need! -Our streets! -Whose streets?! -Our streets! -Whose streets?! -Our streets! -Whose streets?! -Our streets! -

Chanting

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Back up, back up! We want freedom, freedom! All you transphobic cops, we don't need 'em, need 'em!

Music playing in distance

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-

Bleep

Shouts indistinctly

Crowd cheering

Fireworks booming

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-Hell no, we won't go! -Hell no, we won't go! -Hell no! We get off the pier when the gays say we get off the pier. That's when we get off the pier. They all homophobic, man, all of 'em. It's a shame. It's a shame. Too many beautiful ladies out here. Beautiful men.

Indistinct shouting

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-Here we go! Here we go! -Turn it up! Let's go! Let's go!

Bleep

Shouting excitedly

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-

Over PA

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Let's go. Get on the sidewalk.

Siren chirps

Man shouting indistinctly

Indistinct chanting

Indistinct chanting continues

Drums pounding in distance

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-Them cops know they like that

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Metal banging rhythmically

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-That's right, they're still here, white people.

Laughter, cheering

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That's right. -Excuse me! Excuse me!

Indistinct shouting

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-Let's go, bitches! -Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Indistinct shouting continues

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Let's go! Let's go, you big nasty bitch! Let's go! Let's go!

People speaking indistinctly

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Bitch! What's up?! What's up?! What's up, bitch?! The

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you mean?!

Bleep

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you mean?! -Go, go, walk! Walk, walk, walk!

People speaking indistinctly

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-Yeah, I'm moving. I'm moving. Remove your hands off of me. Thank you. No hands on me. Do not put your hands on me. Thank you. Appreciate that. -

Stammering

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Leave me alone! -Yes, he's -- It's okay. Yes. It's okay. It's okay.

Indistinct shouting echoing

Siren wailing in distance

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Camera shutter clicks

Indistinct conversations

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