The Great Escaper

BERNIE: I couldn't leave you all on your own.

Unless you have to?

LAURA (on television): The D-Day veteran... JO (on television): ...made a break for the coast.

ADELE: Where is he?

RENE: He's in France.

At 90?

RENE: Well, he has done it before.

Only then, of course, they were shooting at him.

BERNIE (voice breaking): What a waste.

Eh?

What a waste.

RENE: If you want to honor your friend, you've spent 70 years loving me.

We have never wasted one second of our time together.

(waves lapping) (gulls crying) (gulls crying) (artillery shells whistling faintly) (explosion pounds faintly) (shells whistling, explosions pounding) MAN: Two cappuccinos, two bacon sarnies, Mick.

Keep the change.

Change?

Money?

Yeah-- don't think I've ever seen you with cash in your hand.

(scoffs) Here he is!

Oi, oi.

MAN 1: What time do you call this?

(others laughing) What are you boys on?

(brakes squeal) (others exclaiming, laughing) MAN 3: Three-- three of everything, Mick.

You didn't wait for me coming up the dyke, did you?

MAN 1: Where have you been?

Cheers, mate.

(men laughing) MAN 1: Did you get off and walk?

MAN 3: I've lapped you, mate.

Cup of tea and four sugars, please.

(birds chirping) You've gained a bit of weight, Harold.

Huh.

(laughs) (people talking in background) All right, dear?

(chuckles): Thank you.

You enjoying that?

(television playing in background) Edith.

There you are.

Where did you think I'd be?

I hadn't seen you for days.

EDITH: What?

(softly): I thought you were dead.

(groans) Morning, Bernie.

Nice walk?

(breathing heavily) (hinges squeak) (breathing heavily) (exhales) Hey Did you happen to see the most... RENE: Oh, whoa, whoa.

Hold your horses.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Only I haven't got my face on.

I've seen it without.

1973.

It's not happening again.

He's only gone and got the big bar.

Ooh!

He had a load of new gear in.

Black Forest gteau, he's got.

We can't have that, of course, because it, it's German.

Oh, Bernie!

Well, if you want to flog chocolate bars, don't start a bloody world war.

Okay, it's safe-- you can come in.

(gulls calling) (water boiling) (kettle stops) Right.

Soon as we've had some grub, I'll take you for a spin along the front.

When we get back, we'll play a bit of whist.

And I think they've got a male stripper for you.

What?

I made that last bit up.

(laughs) (chortles) (exhales) You all right?

No, I'm not.

I'm bloomin' old.

Oof!

Och!

Oh.

Here you go.

Oh!

Thank you.

(moans) (chuckles) Bernie, what's that?

BERNIE: Oh, you've seen it.

That's Torremolinos.

Well, I know that.

What's it doing there?

It was a happy holiday.

Do you remember the donkey?

His name was Pedro, and he took a real shine to you.

His name was Manuel, the donkey.

Pedro was the owner.

And he it was who took a shine to me.

Ah.

(both chuckle) (knock at door) Come in.

Unless you're bailiffs.

(chuckling) Did they put something in your tea in that caff this morning?

(door opens) Hey, Rene, how you doing?

Oh, very well, thank you, Judith.

Well, it's good timing, I just made some tea-- you want a cup?

Oh, I'd love one, Bernie, but we got an inspection.

Ooh.

You can't say I didn't make you an offer.

(chuckles) Now, what can we do you for?

I rang them straightaway.

I'm really sorry, Bernie.

We left it too late.

Left what?

What are you on about?

The trip to the beaches-- D-Day.

Bernie!

Well, I'm, I'm... I'm, I'm sorry, it's my fault.

I should've got more organized.

(dialogue fades slightly) They do a very good show here.

I'll go there instead, eh?

(normally): Thank you for trying.

Yes, thank you, Judith.

No probs.

Bye.

See you later.

(door closes) (exhales) Hm.

(chuckles) Right.

Brew.

Then beach, eh?

(gulls crying, dogs barking) BERNIE: We're lucky to get a sunny day.

RENE: Pity about the wind again.

BERNIE: Yeah.

(dog barking) But the wind's not that cold, is it, you know?

RENE: Oh, no.

(Bernie speaking indistinctly) (exhales) (exhales) (clearing throat) (papers shifting) (door opens) RENE: Oh.

Hello, love.

(chuckles) You all right?

Fine.

I, I didn't disturb you, did I?

Oh, no, no.

I was awake.

Oh.

Taking me pills.

(chuckles) Oh, now what are you grabbing out of there?

No, no, I'm, I'm putting them back.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'll do the rest in the morning.

Oh.

(grunts softly) Can't seem to, uh, settle.

I should have had a rum.

Just go.

To France?

Why not?

Well, you can't.

They make it up into one big trip.

That's the way they set it all up.

You can't do it on your own.

But you would.

I couldn't leave you all on your own.

But I'm not on my own!

I've got nurses around me all day... That, that's not the point.

Your health has not been great lately.

(sighs) And now is no time for me to go charging off for an adventure.

(chuckles) (inhales) Unless you have to?

(rising, clears throat softly) (birds chirping) (breathing steadily) (exhales) (door closes softly) MAN: Yeah, that's okay.

(radio playing in background) That one wants a clean, that.

I know.

MAN (on radio): And on the M23 at junction nine, the turnoff for Gatwick Airport... (radio continues indistinctly) (people talking in background) (hydraulics hiss) ADELE: Thank you.

Adele.

Bernie.

Early walk this morning.

Yes.

See you later.

Yeah.

See you later.

Mm.

(engine revs slowly) (gulls calling) Blimey.

(car approaching) (clock alarm beeping) (groans) (alarm continues) (Rene groans, alarm pattern changes) (softly): Shut up.

(alarm stops) Mm.

(inhales) (gulls calling, people talking in background) MAN (on speaker): This is the final call for the 8:15 sailing to Ouistreham.

All passengers, please.

The 8: 15 to Ouistreham, final call.

(speaker chimes) MAN (on speaker): P&O Ferries would like to extend a warm welcome to all veterans and their families traveling to... (men speaking indistinctly) SCOTT: Are you lost, sir?

Would you like a ride?

Well... (both chuckling) Don't mind if I do.

I'm a veteran myself, actually.

Helping out for the weekend.

Keeps me out of mischief.

(chuckling): Yeah.

So, is it all right if I have a little look at your ticket?

Here you are.

So, wait, so you're standing the whole way?

Yeah.

You don't have a seat?

I, I couldn't get a seat.

Well, in that case, I suggest you get hammered at the bar.

(laughs) (chuckling): That's a good idea.

Yeah.

Get legless, like me.

(chuckles) Oh!

Yeah, I trod on a mine in Helmand.

What?

Five years ago.

You, you trod on a mine?

Yeah.

I've only had the new peg six months.

Blimey.

Who were you with, by the way?

Royal Navy, leading seaman.

Yeah?

Sparks.

Bernard Jordan.

MARTIN: Jam?

Sorry?

Fancy a bit of jam?

Ooh, yes, please.

(chuckles) How are you getting on, with both of you being in here?

You got enough space?

Well, I have.

But then, I'm tidy.

Just look at the mess he's left down there.

Oh, thank you.

I still think he shouldn't have done it.

I have to be here because of the nursing, but he could have stayed in the house for a little bit longer.

He misses you.

Oh.

What he told me.

Uh-huh.

Where is he, anyway?

Sorry?

Bernie.

(gasping): Oh!

(laughs) He's out.

(pills rattle) Ooh, my.

How delicious, mm.

Okay, that's you done.

You've got your dosette box for later.

Uh-huh.

I am out of here.

RENE: Okey-dokey.

(door opens) MARTIN: See you later, Rene.

Bye for now.

(door closes) (chuckles) Hm.

(breathes deeply) You all right there?

Yeah.

WOMAN: Sir, this way.

MAN: Right.

WOMAN 2: Yes, thank you.

(people talking in background) WOMEN: Whether the weather may be wet or fine MAN: Ceremony is tomorrow.

WOMEN: We'll just rub along without a care (people talking in background) We will hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line If the Siegfried Line's still there Mother dear, I'm writing you from somewhere in France (men joining in) Hoping this finds you well Sergeant says I'm doing fine A soldier and a half (audience clapping along) Here's a song that we all sing It'll make you laugh (imitating bugle call) (Bernie humming along) We're gonna hang out the washing On the Siegfried Line Have you any dirty washing, Mother Dear?

We're gonna hang... EVENT HOST (on speaker): There's nothing more to say.

Let's have one more round of applause for Lizzy Lu, Annie Daisy, and Lady Jane, the Candy Girls.

(audience applauds, Bernie exhales) (sighs softly) (exhales) (grunts) (man shouting) ARTHUR: You all right?

(breathing heavily) I, I'm sorry, I didn't mean... A man should be able to do, well, certain things in, in peace.

I, I was worried.

You, you seemed in a spot of bother.

No, no, I'm, I'm okay, I... I ain't got me sea legs yet.

(chuckles) And I'm ex-Navy.

(chuckling) So, Arthur-- Arthur Howard-Johnson.

It's a bit of a mouthful, I know.

Bernie, Bernie Jordan-- pleased to meet you.

Would you like another?

I was just going to the bar.

Unless you want to get up onto the deck, do you, with the rest?

Oh, uh, no, no, no thanks, I... But, okay.

(both laugh) (whimpers softly) (whimpers) RENE: Oh!

Oh... (murmuring) (grunts) (chuckles) Not you.

Definitely not you.

Ooh!

(laughing): Fifi.

(laughs) (softly): Oh... (chuckles) Oh, my word, look at you.

Marvelous.

(laughs) Hang on.

Fifi, you've helped me find it.

Oh, you are a wonder and a whiz.

Here we go.

(static hissing) ("Peckin'" by Benny Goodman and His Orchestra playing) (exhaling in rhythm) (song continues) (exhaling in rhythm) (sighing) (song continues) (band playing live, Young Bernie and Young Rene laughing) Hey!

(band continues, partiers cheering) Whoa!

YOUNG RENE: Come on!

(song continues, partiers laughing) (both laughing) Oh!

Oh!

Come on!

At the double!

It's like a graveyard in here, it's that slow.

Too slow?

Too slow?

You, you cheeky bugger!

Right, come on, boys.

(song continues) (dancers clapping in rhythm) Whoo!

Come on!

(laughs, exclaims) Hm!

(song continues) Whoa!

(crowd whoops) (song continues) Whoo!

(crowd clapping and cheering) (song ends, crowd applauding) WOMAN: Hey!

Bravo!

Fantastic!

I loved that!

I want to take you somewhere.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I mean, only if you want to.

(both breathing heavily) It was just this place, I, uh... You know... I'd go anywhere with you.

Anywhere at all.

(band begins slow song) (sighs) (song continues on record) (knock at door) (door opens) (knock at window) Hold on!

(song continues) (song stops) Come in.

Bloody hell.

You been burgled?

All this stuff everywhere, which is a trip hazard, actually.

Should really clear that all away.

Somebody got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.

If she was in bed at all.

(chortles) You've got very dark circles under your eyes, mm.

(sighs) Tea downstairs tonight or up here?

Up here.

Same for Bernie?

Well, now... Mm, I don't know, because he's not back yet.

Really?

Mm.

Right, well, tell him to ring down, will you, once he's decided?

Will do, will do.

Right, then, Rene, I've gotta get round to the rest, so, um... Oh!

Ooh.

Whoo!

You all right, Rene?

Oh... Oh, it's nothing.

Just a twinge.

Ooh!

Right, so, well, sit down-- you shouldn't be standing.

Oh, ooh!

Ooh.

I'm all right.

I've got pills and more pills.

The doctor, he, he's on his rounds.

I, I'll go get him.

Adele, you're panicking!

(sighs heavily) (people talking in background) Here you go, thank you.

So, who have you come with, Bernie?

An association, or... No, no.

It-- I'm on me own.

I was a, a bit late.

I told you I was Navy.

You never said a word.

Oh, R.A.F.

Bomber Command.

I was in the Halifaxes, towing the gliders over, poor buggers, and then straight back to the day job of bombing Caen.

I came across four times in the end and flattened it.

I could never have gone that high.

I get giddy in the top of a bus.

(laughs) (chuckling): Well, up there was a damn sight safer than down where you were.

Um, what about afterwards?

What did you do then?

I was a schoolmaster at one of England's finest public schools.

Can you believe?

Oh, I can believe it.

With your accent?

You could cut glass.

(laughs) How many times you been to France?

No, this is, this is my first go, as a matter of fact.

Oh.

(people talking in background) (chuckles) Actually, uh... Mm-hmm?

If you'll excuse me, I think I need to indulge in another of the indignities of old age.

Oh.

(both chuckle) (people talking in background) SAUNDERS: It's fine.

It's angina.

Oh.

We know you get that.

Uh-huh.

The pain's all gone.

I feel like a fraud.

Rene, I'm gonna prescribe you some glycerin pills.

Oh.

If you get any more discomfort, slip one under your tongue and let it dissolve, okay?

Fine.

If you're worried, get someone to call me.

Oh.

You mustn't overdo it, Rene.

With respect, Doctor, a couple of weeks ago, you were telling me to make the most of my time.

That was you, wasn't it?

Of course.

Mm-hmm.

I understand.

Thank you.

I tried the cafe on the front, the, the shop on Lansdowne, the Red Lion-- nobody's seen him.

So where is he?

He's almost 90, he can't have gone far.

You talking about Bernie?

Yeah.

He's gonna want to be with her if she's not feeling well, but he's disappeared off the face of the Earth.

He's in Brighton.

What?

That's where he was headed.

Out of Hove and... When I bumped into him.

You bumped into him?

Yeah.

At what time?

Quarter to 6: 00, about.

Quarter to 6: 00?

And you didn't think to say anything until now?

Well, I didn't know you was looking for him until now, did I?

(sighs) Oh, how's she doing, Doctor?

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

(door closes) She's resting.

And she ought to take it easy for the next couple of days.

("Peckin'" resumes on record player) (chuckles) Keep an eye on that, will you?

Mm.

Good-- in which case, I better get back to the others.

Martin?

Bernie-- no mention, okay?

Last thing Rene needs now is any extra stress.

Oh, and you, come with me.

Where we going?

To follow protocol.

(sighs) Come on.

(boat engines humming) (artillery firing, explosions pounding) (breath trembling) (men shouting, shells whistling) MAN: Jordan!

Jordan!

Jordan!

(loudspeaker chimes) (man speaking French over loudspeaker) (people talking in background) MAN (over loudspeaker): Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be arriving at Ouistreham.

Please ensure you take all of your belongings with you... (boat horn blows) (Scott speaking French) Come on.

(speaking French) I'm joking, I'm joking.

(laughing) MAN: Right, son.

Come on.

The war's over, son, the war's over.

(Scott laughing) SCOTT: We'll fight them on the beaches.

(clears throat softly) ARTHUR: There you are!

(laughs): Sorry, Arthur, I... No, no, no.

It's fine, honestly.

I've just been hanging on to this.

It's all your worldly-- listen.

Do you have anywhere to stay over here?

No.

No, no, no, it's fine, honestly.

That's why I'm asking.

You could tag along with us.

That's my lot over there-- it'll be no bother at all.

Well, that, that's very kind of you, but cash-wise... We've loads of room on the coach and I'm in a twin that's already paid for, so you wouldn't have to spend a penny.

And in any case, I think I wouldn't mind a bit of company, Bernie, if I'm, if I'm honest.

If, if that's all right with you.

Thank you very much.

Oh!

Come on, let's get out of here.

I'm sure he's okay.

It's just after nine hours, we have to, you know... No, no, no, you done the right thing.

Look, I'll, uh, I'll get these details circulated, and we'll, um, we'll issue a tweet, as well.

They can, uh, they can be very effective.

We've got the photo-- that's the key thing.

I'll get this out to the patrols.

Perhaps I'll give the hospital a call.

(car door closes) You know, just so they're in the loop.

You know, just in case.

(door closes, engine starts) Rene?

Rene?

(calling): Rene!

Here!

(yelps) Where were you?

Under the bed, looking for something, and I found it-- pressing!

What?

It's a flower head-- I've pressed it.

You're supposed to be taking it easy, not rummaging around.

Give over.

I'm fine.

I'm just trying to keep my eye on the ball at all times.

Very good.

Very, very good.

In any case, I bought you something.

Ooh!

Fish and chips.

Oh, Adele!

(exclaims) That's so lovely.

Where's Bernie's?

Will Martin bring his up later?

(laughing): Your face, lovely, your face!

I'm pulling your leg.

Bernie?

(chuckles) He's gone AWOL.

Well, everybody knows, but nobody's talking about it, 'cause they're afraid it'll finish me off.

I haven't said anything about it, either, because I want to make sure he has enough time to get there.

Get where?

I mean, where is he?

He's in France.

Well, what the bloody hell's he doing there?

He is attending the D-Day commemorations.

But that was full-- there was no room on the trip.

Ah, but he made his own way.

At 90?

Mm-hmm!

All the way across the channel?

Well, he has done it before.

Only then, of course, they were shooting at him.

(sighs) I do not believe this.

I've been feeling so guilty that, that I didn't check in the morning that... I even bought you a large fish, Rene.

That's how bad I was feeling!

(moans, gasps) (sighs) (footsteps pounding) Hey-ho.

(door opens) (sighs softly) Mm.

(radio squawks, beeps) Yeah, go ahead, Vicky.

VICKY (over radio): It's okay-- he's safe.

The station's just been on.

He's in France.

(calling): He what?

He's in France.

He's a D-Day veteran, apparently.

Couldn't get himself on a trip, so he just legged it over there on his own.

Except he never bothered telling anyone.

(both chuckle) Good lad.

Life in the old dog yet, eh?

Oh, Sarge wants me to tweet a standdown.

What should I put?

Well, that.

He's a war hero, wanted to do the right thing, only he couldn't, so... (inhales sharply) ...he did a runner instead.

From his old folks' home.

#TheGreatEscaper.

("Ship Ahoy!"

playing, phone buttons clicking) (on recording): All the nice girls (Arthur humming along) Love a sailor (exhales in distaste) All the nice girls love a tar (clicks) For there's something About a sailor (Arthur humming) Well, you know what sailors are Falls in love with Kate and Jane Then he's off to sea again Ship ahoy That's me done.

Ship ahoy (song ends) (chuckles) That's fantastic.

ARTHUR: There's an organized trip going off from here to a, uh, museum or some exhibition, if you fancy that.

No, I'm taking a walk on the beach.

Oh.

Yeah.

To Sword, right?

Yeah.

I'll let you know.

ARTHUR: Great.

See you later, then.

I'll see you then.

Bonjour!

(laughs) MAN: Bonjour!

(music playing in background) (music playing, people talking in background) Cheers.

(music playing, people talking in background) (waves lapping, gulls calling) (shell whistling faintly) (explosion pounding faintly) (engine rumbling) (explosion pounds) (metal clanking) (Young Bernie screaming) (men shouting, waves crashing) (panting, moaning) Hey, mate!

We can't land in this, can we?

What the bloody hell are you asking me for, huh?

Well, 'cause you've been here before, ain't you?

MAN: Move it!

Move!

Move!

DOUGLAS: You know, with the first lot.

(Young Bernie panting) How'd they get on?

(audio distorts) (normal audio resumes) Piece of piss.

It went off like clockwork.

(plane approaching) MAN: Look!

Incoming!

They do plan these things, you know, eh?

(men shouting) (battle audio continues faintly) WOMAN: Monsieur.

Oh... Monsieur!

Huh?

What?

Merci, monsieur!

Merci!

All right, merci.

ARTHUR: Bernie!

Bernie!

Over here!

Come on in.

(music playing in background) (speaking French) Merci.

Merci.

So how'd you get on, okay?

(evenly): Fine.

Of course.

Well, you're here now.

Have a drink.

Oh, uh, our American friend, Marshall-- rather fitting-- has kindly offered to provide the whole table with wine for the entire evening.

I'm very tired.

Well, stay, it'll do you good, old man.

Gentlemen, this is my friend Bernie-- Royal Navy!

(all cheer) (all greeting) ARTHUR: Ah, that's better.

The world is always more palatable when seen through a glass, Bernie.

Hm.

The point is that, in the end, everything turned out for the best.

JUDITH: Oh, yeah.

Once someone's tracked Bernie down in France and made sure he's all right.

RENE: Bernie is a very resourceful man.

Oh, and by the way, Adele, that fish was lovely.

Bernie will be very upset not to have had it.

Mind you, I can just picture him now, tucking into a plateful of snails, eh, Judith?

(laughs) Ooh.

(door closes) You're a windup, you are.

Oh, come on.

She's much too serious-- she needs to relax.

Otherwise, she'll make herself poorly.

Let's get you changed, and I've got your bed ready.

Mm.

What's that on your arms?

Don't you like them?

Well, if you were going to work in a fairground, yes.

But what does your mother think about them?

What does she say?

I don't think she's even noticed.

(sighs) To which he said, "I'm terribly sorry, Vicar.

You're referring to the aeroplane, that (muted)."

(laughing) "I thought it meant something else entirely."

Here, have another olive.

It'll soak up the booze.

(music playing in background) 9:00?

Who goes to bed at 9: 00?

Only the randy and the infirm, that's who.

Rene!

What?

Your lot didn't invent it, you know.

Ooh!

Ow.

What are you doing?

Oh, my knee exercises.

Bernie helps me with them, but of course he's not here.

Do you want me to have a go?

Oh, Adele, would you?

That would be wonderful.

Just pull the knee up a bit and then I'll put it down.

Like this?

Oh, perfect.

(laughs) (exhales) In the war, if I was going to a dance, I'd shave me legs and then I'd get a load of damp tea leaves, wrap them in muslin, and then dab all that over the legs.

Gave them extra color.

Like a self-tan.

Exactly.

Only you had to be careful, 'cause if you got hot and started sweating, then you'd find yourself jiving in a pool of PG Tips.

(both laugh) Oh, thank you, that's enough.

Oh, Adele, Adele, Adele.

You are a really good girl.

(pats hand) Well, I'm just glad the day's ended like it has.

Oh.

Everything all right, like you said.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Right, well, see you tomorrow.

Listen.

When you go home, get a teaspoon, put it in the icebox.

Then use it to press out those bags under your eyes.

They'll disappear and nobody will ever know you've been on the lash all night.

(chuckles) God.

(muttering) Oh, come on.

Do you think I popped out of the womb 150 years ago?

(both laugh) (exhales) (door closes) (groans) Oh.

Hey-ho.

(exhaling) Gentlemen, we're going off to do some drill.

And thank you so much.

MAN: Pleasure!

See you all tomorrow.

You take care, now.

(glass breaking) MAN: Monsieur, it's time to go!

I don't know why you're making such a fuss.

It's time to go, monsieur.

Non, monsieur.

Just one... (speaking French) Hey, hey, Bern!

ARTHUR: Come on, what's the problem?

SCOTT: Nothing, nothing.

I just want another drink.

Non, monsieur, it's closed now.

Miserable bastard.

(shushing) (speaking French) It's fine.

It's all right.

He's one of us.

We'll handle it-- don't worry.

(muttering in French) ARTHUR: Why don't you just sit down?

What are you looking at?

They're doing... Nothing.

Why don't you go back to your hotel?

(screams): 'Cause I'm not a bloody baby!

Look, I, I just... I just, I just want a drink.

That's all I want.

I'm not hurting anyone.

You're gonna get yourself into trouble.

Come.

Yeah, all right.

MAN (softly): Let him drink.

No, look, look, I know where it is.

It's just round the corner.

That's why it's hard, innit?

When you come home.

It doesn't go, does it?

Them things in there.

Like, "You never leave a man behind."

Even if he's being a twat, you sweep him up and you take him out of danger.

You... I miss that.

British, British soldier, eh?

(chuckles) All for one!

And one for all!

ARTHUR (slurring): I think that was a French soldier, actually.

(retches) MAN: Oh, there we go.

Watch out below.

(men laughing) MAN: Come on, now.

BERNIE: You done?

All right, back on the boat.

What?

We started earlier than you.

Like the Second World War.

Don't bring that up again.

It was a pleasure.

MAN: You take care now.

BERNIE: You know, you should get a glass of water next to you.

Hm?

Ah, I will.

Yeah, that's, that's a good idea.

Actually, I... I feel all right now.

Well, nothing left to puke up, so it's the same thing.

Oh, I, I've got you a ticket, by the way.

It's the official thing.

In the arena.

Starts at 11: 00.

How'd you manage that?

I told you, the Americans.

It's unbelievable.

You're sitting just behind the queen and President Obama.

Of course I am.

(exhales) (moans) Anyway, night, Bernie.

Good night.

And thanks for looking after me.

And Scott.

(exhales) I hope it didn't put a damper on your day.

Don't be silly.

Happy to help.

(snores softly) Good night.

(murmurs) (snoring softly) (Douglas whimpering) (explosions pounding, water spraying) MAN: Stand clear!

MAN 2: Get down!

MAN 1: Get down!

Run!

(men shouting) Oi!

Have you got a smoke?

(panting) No, not for me.

For you, you.

MAN: Incoming!

(panting) MAN 2: It's incoming!

(shell whistling) Incoming!

(explosion pounds, water splashes) MAN: Where is he?

Where is the bastard?

What's your name?

(stammers): Douglas.

Huh?

Douglas Bennett.

Well, I'm Bernie.

Where you from, Douglas?

Nottingham.

MAN: What are you doing?

(gun firing) I'm from Nottingham.

Sherwood Rangers.

That's the same as these-- Players.

(stammering) And me girlfriend, she works in a factory.

(plane roaring overhead, men shouting) (bullets whistling, clanging) (audio distorts) (panting) (normal audio resumes) Yeah, yeah, that's her.

She's what they call a, a Player's Angel.

Bloody hell.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's a cracker, ain't she?

(explosion pounds) What's that?

(stammers): That's me letter.

For if I cop it.

COMMANDER: Get 'em ready, Jordan!

Going in!

YOUNG BERNIE: You're not gonna need that letter, Douglas.

'Cause you'll have me.

You're a survivor, hm?

(man shouting) ARTHUR: Bernie.

Bernie!

(men shouting) (switch clicks) Bernie!

Bernie?

What's going on?

It's okay, you... Just, just come back to bed.

It's okay.

(grunts) (exhales) Was I saying anything?

No, I just heard a noise, and I looked over, and, and there you were.

Does it happen often?

Well, yeah, yeah, but only from time to time.

Mm.

My brother used to sleepwalk.

Started at prep school.

Horrible place.

But that's what did it.

Do you do it?

(chuckles): No.

Out like a light.

Well, you should get back to it.

Crisis averted.

No, no, it's all right.

I'll be, I'm, I'm happy to sit, sit up for a bit.

I'm, I might have an aspirin, as a matter of fact, I... (exhales) I... I shouldn't drink at all, you know.

Oh.

Are, are you on medication?

I rattle.

(chuckles) No, I... I'm an alcoholic.

I'm sorry, that's a bit... That's a bit... Da-da!

But there you have it.

It's the reason I'm here.

My, my liver is shot, so I won't be able to do the 75th anniversary, that's for sure, so it was now or never.

I had no idea.

Well, you, you wouldn't, I'm... No.

I'm, I'm good at hiding it.

Some of the time.

Do you... Do you know Charles Causley?

He's a war poet.

No, you, you know I don't know Charles Causley.

Well, he served-- he was Navy, like you, so he knew what he was talking about.

Anyway, he wrote this verse called "At the British War Cemetery, Bayeux."

It's all about the graveyard just up the road.

Bayeux-- you must know that place.

I've heard of it.

There are almost 5,000 dead in there.

All British.

Nearly all of them killed during the D-Day landings, including my brother.

The irony is that he wasn't lost in combat.

No, he was R.A.F., same as me, and he was shot down over Essen a couple of months before, and I, I assumed he was dead.

But he'd bailed out and he'd linked up with the Resistance.

He was... He was on his way home, to England, and he was holed up in Caen when I... I nipped across and flattened it.

Christ.

Killed about 3,000 in all.

Civilians, those on the ground.

I often wondered if it was one of mine that did for Clive.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this, Bernie, is that I've, I've never been to his grave.

Oh, I wasn't able to, for whatever reason, but that was the plan.

This afternoon, I was finally going to go and, and pay my respects.

But I didn't.

I stayed in town and I got pissed instead.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't burden you with my tawdry tales.

It's just that I'm... It's just, every now and again, I meet someone, they make me think that maybe, maybe I could be different.

Maybe I could wrestle my demons, too, except, you have to be brave to do that.

(clock alarm beeping) (Rene grunts) (alarm pattern changes) (alarm stops) (chuckles) (exhales) Ah.

(birds chirping outside, gulls calling) (Young Bernie chuckling) YOUNG BERNIE: We're nearly there, I promise.

No peeking!

I said, no peeking!

YOUNG RENE (scoffs): I'm not.

Be careful.

Right, now you can look.

(birds chirping) (exhales) Yeah, it's called the holy hour.

The light is just, like, different to any other time of day.

Normally, you just sleep right through it.

(wind blowing) It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

(exclaims softly, chuckles) What?

Oh, it's a dog rose.

I love 'em-- they're gorgeous.

(chuckles) Oh, yeah?

(chuckles) (chuckles) What?

(laughs) It's limited, isn't it?

Your knowledge of the natural world.

(chuckles) All right, all right, all right.

Well, you've gotta appreciate, I'd never seen a haystack before I got posted down here.

But I'm learning.

Like that.

I'll never forget it now.

Especially as the rose is my favorite flower.

(chuckles) 'Cause it's dead English.

Yeah, and my favorite animal is the... Let me guess.

It's a dog?

I love 'em.

So do I. Which do you like best?

I couldn't tell you.

You'll only think it's dead poncy.

(chuckles) It's a poodle.

(laughing): You like poodles.

So?

Yeah, you... I mean, they're ever so clever.

You know, my auntie had one that could count.

And, well, they don't get any hairs on the settee.

Plus, if you're going on a bus, they're the perfect size, so you can... (moans) (grunts) (Young Rene laughs) (both panting) (whispers): Rene... (Young Rene panting softly) (gasping) Bernie.

(Arthur snoring softly) (moans) MARTIN: Morning, Rene-- your breakfast is ready.

I'm coming.

(mouthing) Oh, my Lord, I'm in Piccadilly Circus!

(chuckling) MARTIN: Good morning to you, too.

(chortles) You haven't seen what I have just seen.

You should put some money aside, Adele, for plastic surgery.

That's my advice generally.

(Rene and Martin chuckle) Your tea's there, as well.

Thank you.

(television playing softly) Uh... What's this?

MARTIN: Oh, I saw, it was on earlier-- it's a special program.

All the beaches.

That one... Oh!

MARTIN: ...that's the one Bernie's at.

That's the main one, that.

RENE: Never.

MARTIN: Hey, you might spot him on the telly, Rene.

There he is!

(Rene chuckles) MARTIN: Still got it.

(chuckles) (band playing "British Grenadiers") (wind whipping) RENE: I knew it would be big-- it is the 70th-- but not this big.

ADELE: Course it is.

People love the war.

RENE: Ah.

ADELE: Looking back.

MARTIN: And the queen's there.

There's always an interest wherever she goes.

RENE: Well, of course there is.

I'll get you a top-up.

Ta.

(gasps) MARTIN: Is that... Turn it up!

LAURA (on television): ...some form of official recognition after it emerged that the D-Day veteran... (Martin chuckles) LAURA: ...was so determined... Have you seen it?

Turn on the telly!

It's on-- we've got it.

LAURA: ...took it into his own hands and had mounted what has now been dubbed "The Great Escape."

Escape?

MAN (on television): Well done, Bernie Jordan.

What can you tell us, Jo?

Hi, Laura.

Well, just that, having been informed that he couldn't go on an organized trip, yesterday morning, while most of his fellow residents here at The Pines care home in Hove... (Martin laughing) (laughs) MARTIN: I'm on the telly.

(others laughing) Shush, shush!

I'm on the telly-- me mum's gonna love this.

JO: ...and made a break for the coast, and then, relying on taxi, ferry... He's a hero, Rene, an actual hero.

Rene?

Have you seen this?

He's not bothering the French now?

(chuckling) (muttering): Oh, bugger off.

(others snickering, laughing) ...commemorative events today.

A salutary lesson to the rest of us, I think.

There are 90-year-olds re-storming the beaches of Normandy.

(all chuckling) LAURA: Jo?

Exactly where he is, Laura, nobody is quite sure.

But what everyone is certain of is that, in Bernard Jordan, the world has discovered one old soldier who will never fail to answer the call of duty.

LAURA: What a great story.

MAN: Absolutely.

(sighs) (wind blowing) (band playing in background) Sorry-- I've got a prostate the size of a bloody space hopper.

We can't do this, Arthur.

We have to go to Bayeux.

No, no, I've said I can't, even if you're with me.

I have to.

I don't understand.

I have to go, and you have to come with me.

(band playing in background) (music stops, people talking in background) WOMAN (over loudspeaker): Ladies and gentlemen, the ceremony will begin in 15 minutes.

They'll all be in the arena, I'll bet.

Right.

Come on.

(announcement continues in French) (scoffs) (speaking French) (receiver replaced) He will be delighted to drive you.

Terrific.

And will be here shortly.

Did he say how much?

Oh, no, no-- his pleasure.

ARTHUR: Oh!

Merci.

Merci mille fois!

Et voil.

Thank you.

NATHAN: Hey, Maurice, you got that other round set up for me?

And don't let these guys pay this time.

MAURICE: Of course, monsieur.

I'll bring them over to you.

Hello.

Who are these people?

(Heinrich speaking German) They're Germans.

What are they doing here?

Oh, same as you guys, I guess.

To honor their fallen comrades.

Oh.

Were, were they on the beach on D-Day?

Heinrich was.

Gunter was on Juno, same as Jans.

And the other three defended Omaha.

Do you think I could talk to them?

(Heinrich speaking German) They, they won't think I'm rude, will they?

BERNIE: Arthur.

Bernard.

Bitte.

(speaking German) How do you do?

(band playing in distance) It's good to meet you.

(Heinrich speaking German) He wants to know what you both did.

Um, me?

Royal Navy.

He's Royal Air Force.

And it was you that was here, Heinrich.

This was your beach.

Ja.

Sword.

Sword.

Me, too.

Huh.

(sniffles) (breath trembling) (cries) (sniffles) (moans) (breathes deeply) Can you tell him, I want him to have this ticket?

You should go and sit in there.

Tell him he should do that.

(Nathan speaking German) BERNIE: Have you got yours, Arthur?

We've only got two, but they are the best seats in the house.

(murmuring) I, I walked... What?

I walked... (blows out) I walked where... I walked where in... (reporters calling for Rene outside) (knock at door) RENE: Yeah?

Oh!

(reporters clamoring) Are you okay?

Oh.

I've been worrying.

(chuckles) All the fuss and that.

Fuss?

Is that what you think this is?

Nobody actually knows if he's all right or where he is, even.

Rene... It was between me and him.

That's how it's always been where the war is concerned.

It's our business.

Now that's letting everybody in, and that's just asking for trouble.

You have to keep your head down, your eyes straight ahead, or bad things happen.

(machinery running in background) Hi, Rene.

(exhales) (woman sobbing) (sobbing continues) (pieces clattering) (sobbing continues) (panting) (planes passing) (sniffles) (gulls squawking) (exhales) I waved him off.

Let him go.

When what I should've said was, "You are not getting on that ship, "Bernard Jordan.

You are not."

And then I did it again.

(cries) (breathes deeply) ARTHUR: I walked... I walked... I walked where in their, their talking graves and shirts of earth five thousand lay.

(Bernie breathing heavily) When history... When history... When history with ten feasts of fire... ...had eaten...

...had eaten... (voice breaking): ...the red air away.

(sighs) DOUGLAS: Here, Bernie!

(weapons firing) Bernie, mate, I need a favor!

(men shouting) What are you doing?

I've had a thought.

(shell whistles, explosion pounds) What if I drown?

What?

I could drown, and then I'm stuffed, aren't I?

And that's if they find me.

I mean, I, I could get washed out to sea!

(engine starts) MAN: Bennett!

Just get back in the bloody tank!

Take it, will you?

Just in case.

Bernie, please.

(audio distorting) Just take it.

The address is on the top of the letter.

And her name is Vera.

(shells whistling, explosions pounding) (tank engine rumbling) And Bernie!

If you do have to, you know, send the letter... (normal audio resumes) Get 'em ready, Jordan!

I told you, you're coming back.

...tell Vera I said she was, she was... I told you you're... That she was (muted) spectacular!

(explosion pounds, water sprays) (explosions pounding) Hello, Douglas.

(crying) (sniffles) I'm so sorry.

What a waste.

Eh?

What a waste.

ARTHUR: What is it, Bernie?

What's wrong?

Nothing, uh, I'm fine.

Mission accomplished.

(chuckles) Right.

(sighs) Would you, uh, like to get some lunch?

Or... What do you want to do now?

I want to go home and see my girl.

Plus a change.

What's that mean?

I don't suppose we'll see each other again.

What about the other side?

(laughing): That's absolute bollocks, Bernie, you know that.

It's been an honor.

(sighs): An absolute honor.

Likewise.

(people talking in background) SCOTT: Bernie!

Bernie!

I'd given up finding you.

What you doing?

I've got something I want you to have.

What is it?

It's a croissant.

A what?

A croissant-- they're, like, the national dish of France.

It looked a lot better earlier.

I wanted to apologize for how I behaved last night.

Honest, I don't know what came over me.

It's fine, really-- you're, you're young.

Forget it.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, Bernie.

'Cause, listen, you're an inspiration to me.

Everything you've done, the way you conduct yourself.

It's people like you that make me feel properly proud and honored to be part... Stop it!

All right?

Stop saying stuff like that.

Just get some help.

'Cause I know what you're going through, Scott.

And I don't want nothing bad to happen to you.

But right now, you're a (muted) mess.

Hm?

(sniffles) (sniffles) (people talking in background) (walker wheels squeaking) WOMAN: There she is, that window.

Rene!

Rene!

What are you going to say to Bernard when he gets back?

Get!

(reporters continue) Sheesh.

Oh.

Oh, come on.

(moans) (moans) Ooh.

(whimpers) (alarm blaring) Rene.

Rene!

I'm okay.

(sighs) I just couldn't find me pills, just... Do you need the doctor?

No, no.

It's going.

I mean, the pills are very good.

Oh, just couldn't find them.

Sorry.

(chuckles) You gotta stop having these turns, Rene.

Or at least have them when someone else is around, eh?

Oh, well, thank you so much-- I will.

How long have you got?

You're much too clever to be working here, you know.

Seriously, Rene, just, just tell me.

(sighs) What have they said?

"Don't start reading long books."

Stop joking about it-- it ain't funny.

Why do you keep joking... Come on, I've had a very good life.

Well, yeah, but... No buts.

At your age, Adele, you cling to every second, and every second is worth clinging to.

Generally.

But at my age, oh, you're basically buggered.

But you, you're like a piece of ripe fruit.

I don't care.

I knew it.

I knew as soon as you started getting all that stuff out.

I knew there was something... Oh, come on, everyone does tidying up.

What's Bernie say?

He doesn't know.

And I'm not telling him.

And you're not telling him, either.

What?

But... It's Bernie-- you, you can't not tell him!

Why not?

There's nothing he can do.

He'd be heartbroken to know I was going before him.

I am not telling Bernie.

(chuckles) Oh... (moans) (Adele crying) (people talking in background) (gasps): I found him!

Hi, excuse me, are you Bernard Jordan?

Yes-- why?

Is there a problem?

No, no, not at all.

I'm, I'm pleased to meet you-- I'm Sandy.

I'm the chief press officer, P&O Ferries.

Oh, hello, Sandy.

We've been searching... Bloody hell!

What's this?

(camera shutters clicking) SANDY: No, no, come on, guys, please, no photos.

What's going on?

Mm.

You'd be so nice to come home to (speaking French) Ooh.

Oh, a sausage.

Wow.

Thank you.

Et voil, monsieur.

SANDY: Ah!

You'd be so nice Bon apptit!

Thank you.

By the fire Bottle of rum!

Blimey.

Oh!

Rene?

Rene, they've found him.

He's on a ferry back from France.

Oh, yes!

Thank you!

Come on!

Ow!

(all laughing) Bernie, Bernie, what are you gonna say to your wife?

Give me a kiss or I'll go away again.

(others laughing) MAN: Big smile.

Under stars Chilled by the winter Under an August moon Burning above SANDY: Super-size!

Now, where else can we go?

You'd be so nice You'd be paradise To come home to I want to come home to you You'd be nice, so nice, so nice To come home to And love (holding final note) (song ends) (exhales) (journalists clamoring) (camera shutters clicking) Bernie!

(shutters clicking) (reporters clamoring) (shutters clicking, all clamoring) How does it feel to be back?

Great.

(reporters clamoring, shutters clicking) How was it to be in France... JUDITH: Just a note, please, next time, a note?

Hey, mate, you did it!

I'll kill you if you do it again.

Welcome back, Bernie.

She's waiting for you.

Thanks.

MAN: Bernie, welcome back.

MAN: Welcome back, Bernie!

(crowd clamoring outside) (groans) (hinges creak) (door opens) (exhales) (groans) Bernie.

What is it?

What's the matter?

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry, Rene.

What?

I rolled over.

I rolled over, Rene.

Just like Fifi, you know?

Then I, I went on me back.

And then help yourself.

You know?

And I've been in the papers.

I've been on TV-- the Cheeky Chappie.

The Great Escaper.

Yes, I have seen it all.

A 90-year-old coffin dodger honors the glorious dead.

Bernie, what is it?

The truth!

Telling the truth.

Because people don't.

All they want is a happy ending.

Look at us, here.

Grabbing the grip, pulling the bloody cord.

All those poor old buggers outside, that's the truth.

That's what old age looks like.

And there's no escape.

Not for anyone.

Ever.

What happened to you in France?

What?

Tell me!

Hm?

I went to see this lad.

Where he was buried-- Douglas.

Douglas Bennett.

COMMANDER: Jordan!

(explosion pounds, water splashes) (gate rumbling) (guns firing, bullets whistling and clanging) (planes flying) (guns firing, bullets clanging) Unloading cargo!

(guns firing, bullets clanging) (explosions pounding) MAN: Get 'em ready, sir!

Stand by!

Go on.

Go on, you daft bugger.

(water splashing) (explosion pounds) (audio distorts) (coughing) (shell whistles) (explosion pounds) Bang.

Gone.

(screaming) That's the truth.

He trusted me.

I said, I said he'd be all right.

He got killed... ...because I made him get off the boat.

When you came home, Bernie, you were wound so tight.

You had something inside you.

I thought you'd tell me what it was, but you never did.

And I wasn't going to ask.

I thought, "If I even touch him, "he'll shatter.

And that'll be the end of us."

A life without you?

I couldn't even consider that.

You've loved me for 70 years.

You've spent every ounce of your good luck building a marriage with me.

And that's what it was, Bernie.

It was your good luck that got you through the war and Douglas's bad luck not to.

It wasn't your fault he was killed on the beach.

(crying softly) It wasn't then and it isn't now.

And that, that, is the truth.

And I'll tell you this.

We have never wasted one second of our time together.

All right, we've only done normal, little, everyday things.

But by God, we did them well.

And we still do.

Yeah.

(crying softly) Oh... (sobbing) (kisses) (bicycle bells ringing) MAN: Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, Granddad!

BERNIE: Slow down!

(cyclists shouting) BERNIE: Oh, the speed these bikes go.

RENE: Honestly.

BERNIE: Cyclists are dangerous.

RENE: Cyclists-- oh, look, oh, look, a poodle!

BERNIE: A poodle.

(Rene laughs) RENE: Oh, oh, hello, beautiful, beautiful dog-- what's he called?

He's Edward.

RENE: Hello, Edward.

BERNIE: He likes you.

RENE: He likes... Well, he likes us both!

(Bernie laughs) RENE: Brings back memories, doesn't it?

BERNIE: Yeah-- we're too old to get another dog, aren't we?

RENE: We are certainly too old.

BERNIE: Yeah, don't... RENE: We can't get a poodle anymore.

BERNIE: No-- well, they poo all over the place.

RENE: Will you please... BERNIE: Why they call them bleeding poodles.

(both laugh) RENE: Why do I encourage you?

(thumping table) Six, five, four, three, two, one!

(laughing, music playing in background) We should get back.

Okey-dokey.

Yep.

Do you want an ice cream?

BERNIE: No, I've got chocolate up in the room.

RENE: Oh.

BERNIE: And it's super-sized.

RENE: Oh, ho!

BERNIE: And I got you... RENE: Yes?

BERNIE (in low voice): ...a sausage.

RENE: Oh, lucky, lucky me!

(both chuckling) (music playing in background, talking indistinctly) (music and conversation continue) (air hissing, Bernie chuckles) Bernie.

Tossers!

(birds twittering, gulls calling) RENE: Hey-ho.

Here we go.

Ah-hah.

Ooh-hoo!

Ooh, look who's waiting.

(Bernie chuckles) All right?

Hello!

Mm!

RENE: Bless your heart.

(church bell ringing hour) (bell continues) (bell ringing) (bell stops) RENE: Are you coming to bed?

Yours or mine?

Ooh!

(kisses) (moans softly) (clock alarm beeping) (alarm pattern changes) (alarm continues) If you ever, ever go away again, I'm coming with you.

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