Stories from the Stage

PAUL KANDARIAN: But looking into Michael's eyes, I was consumed by far more love-- pure, unexpected, unconditional love-- than I could have ever imagined.

JANE CONDON: "Will you, Jane Frances Condon, "make me, Kenneth Gilbert Bartels, "the happiest man on the face of the Earth?

Will you marry me?"

DAVID HACIN: And the clouds had parted, and the sun was streaming through and hitting the Boston skyline.

And I thought, "This is a sign."

WES HAZARD: Tonight's theme is "Heart First."

We're often told, and usually wisely, that we need to think things through, protect ourselves and our hearts.

But, inevitably, we all meet moments where we have to do the exact opposite, where we have to lead with feeling instead of thought.

Tonight, our tellers are going to remind us of those moments when love must win over logic and courage must beat out certainty.

Those moments when the heart knows before the mind does.

KANDARIAN: My name is Paul Kandarian.

I live in Marion, Massachusetts, down by Cape Cod, and I am a full-time actor, and, uh, a grandfather is probably my most important role.

Can you actually talk about, like, how acting came into your life when it did?

Very long story, but the short version is, I am also a writer.

I do magazine stories and, and such.

And I was doing a story and going to theater, watching shows, and I was in my mid-50s at the time, thinking, "I waited long enough to do this.

"So if I'm gonna embarrass myself, I might as well do it now."

And I did it.

Got a part, the lead, in a small play in Marion, where I live.

And, uh, the second I got out on stage, it was, like, that's the thing that was missing all that time.

What has surprised you most about working in this industry, performance?

(sighs) How satisfying it is and how frightening it is.

Um, how uncertain it is and how much I love that.

And the difference that every day is, the people you work with every... Every job is different.

The stories are all different.

I love that, I absolutely love that.

I want to do it till the day I die, which hopefully is a long time from now.

The eyes of a child.

Those powerfully poetic words evoke different emotions in different people, with the general idea being that here's this wonderful new life looking up at you, and you looking down at it as nothing short of a miracle.

Especially if that little bundle is part of you, part of your DNA, your genetic composition, and entirely unexpected.

My daughter had a baby 11 years ago.

Not "the baby," as in one that was expected, but "a baby," and one that wasn't.

My daughter had an undetected pregnancy and didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth.

I was naturally skeptical at first, but looking into it later, come to realize that it's not as rare as you might think, with something like 1 in 2,500 women experiencing it.

And without going too deep into the medical weeds on this, there are a myriad of reasons for that.

A woman may be having irregular periods and think nothing of missing a few, or having a frame that allows the fetus to shift around and not be easily detected.

None of those reasons are important.

That the child is here, safe, and loved, that's what is.

My daughter didn't know, and I believe her.

Michael was born on January 28, 2015, amid those weekend blizzards we were having that year.

My daughter called up the morning after she'd gone to the hospital with her boyfriend because she was experiencing excruciating pain and, and having bleeding issues.

And they went to the hospital thinking it could be anything other than what it turned out to be.

My daughter called that morning, and through tears, told me the details of this unbelievable story.

And at that moment, my life was completely flipped upside down.

I was going from father to grandfather in the shedding of a tear.

How could this be?

How, how could this happen?

What does it mean?

How will she cope?

How will she care for it?

I don't recall even asking the gender of the child or if it had a name or if it was healthy.

My mind was just this discordant jumble of emotional reactions.

And to be honest, my gut reaction, my first reaction, was purely selfish.

"You have to give the baby up," I said.

They're in no position to raise a baby.

They're, they're living check to check.

And I'm in no position to help raise a baby.

Not financially, logistically, emotionally.

"You have to give the baby up by reason.

"You have to give it to parents "who have, have a chance to give this, this life a life, a chance to thrive."

And through her tears on the phone, my daughter said that giving up the baby was an option.

Hospital officials had talked to her about it, and it was an option in a situation that seemingly had none.

So gathering my thoughts and my courage, I raced up to see her.

Hospital officials there met me and told me the details of this unbelievable story, but it's all a blur.

Then they escort me to my daughter's room.

My grandchild's room.

And the second I walk into that room, the second I see that swaddled baby on her lap, the second I lock eyes with my daughter, I know she's never going to give him up.

I'm consumed by fear and uncertainty, as is she.

But looking into Michael's eyes, I was consumed by far more love-- pure, unexpected, surprising, unconditional love-- than I could've ever imagined.

And then I held him, soft and warm and cooing in my arms, and smelling that amazing new baby smell.

And looking into his eyes, I knew at that precise moment that my life was forever changed for the absolute best.

It has not been without challenge.

My daughter is a single mom.

The boyfriend is practically non-existent, and I feel bad for him, 'cause he's missing the evolution of one fantastic kid.

And bear with me, I'm going to go full proud grandpa on this, but Mikey... (audience laughs) ...is the best, smartest, most bright, loving, kind, wonderful, funny, sassy little guy I've ever met.

(chuckles) And he and his mom live with my ex, whom my daughter also cares for, in addition to holding down a full-time job.

And my daughter is a fantastic mom, frugal and disciplined, molding Mikey into this wonderfully responsible little human being, just as many-- too many-- other single mothers do with little or no help.

And Mikey and I have grown a lot together in the last 11 years.

Me emotionally, more or less.

(audience chuckles) He physically and emotionally.

And he's growing so damn fast.

He's shooting up like a weed, as much as I wish I could drag my feet and slow those circles down.

But with that growth comes a snarky little tween with a sassy attitude that I really love.

A few years ago, when he was, like, eight or nine, I took him to the Museum of Science in Boston, and there was a stump of an ancient tree that dated back to the time of Christ.

Mikey looks at it and said, "Hey, Grandpa, there's something here even older than you."

(audience laughs) What's not to love?

(audience laughing) (sighs) You know what?

As a lifetime wise-ass myself, it gives me hope that it's going to live on in my grandson.

(audience laughs) Ever since that day 11 years ago, that cold January day, I have cherished every second I get to spend with Mikey.

We usually spend every Sunday together, each one the best day of my, my life.

And every time, when I pick him up, it's with no direction known-- he just gets in the car and we go wherever he wants to go or whichever way the wind blows.

We've hopped on the train to go to the Children's Museum in Boston.

We've wandered the streets of Providence, Rhode Island, just because we love Providence, Rhode Island.

We've moseyed out to Windsor Locks, Connecticut, to see the airplane museum, 'cause he loves aviation.

He wants to be a pilot.

We've gone all the way down to Charlestown, Rhode Island, to walk the whimsical bamboo forest and feed the chickens at the Fantastic Umbrella Factory.

"Too far" does not exist in our Sunday world.

And I like to think I've taught him to embrace the joy of spontaneity, the love of the uncertainty of certainty.

And I'm pretty sure he has.

One day last year when I picked him up, he got in the car, he was giddy with excitement.

He told me to open the lunchbox his mom had packed for him.

And I opened it.

And there was a napkin on which he had carefully printed the words I always say whenever we take off on one of our adventures: "No plan is the best plan."

And he signed it "Grandpa," with a little smiley face at the bottom.

I framed that the second I got home.

I never thought I would love as pure or as deeply as I did when my two kids were born.

But I love now in so many ways, harder and more deeply with Mikey.

And I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about his grandpa.

I can see it in his eyes.

Thank you.

(applause) CONDON: I'm Jane Condon, and I live in Greenwich, Connecticut, but I'm still a nice person.

I'm originally from Brockton, Mass.

Very proud to be from Brockton.

And I'm a comedian.

When was it in your life that comedy stopped being just a fun thing you could do and you realized it was something that you could really get after?

My first show was our son's nursery school fundraiser.

I hopped up on a Fisher-Price picnic table.

I started telling jokes.

I didn't really have any jokes, so I borrowed an old kids' joke.

"Why did the turkey want to join the band?

"Because he had two drumsticks.

Ba-dum-boom."

- (chuckles) And this Swedish dad said... (in accent): "I thought you were just drunken housewife."

(laughs) CONDON: And I said, "Whatever."

You know, "When's my next show?"

And then I did an Episcopal church, and then I did assisted living, and eventually I got into New York and did the clubs.

What a path-- that's a... CONDON: A zigzag.

- (laughing): There's all different ways to, to reach this career.

CONDON: Yeah.

- But that's a wonderful one-- I love it.

I wanted to ask, was humor a big part of your life growing up?

Did you come from a funny family?

What was the, what was the situation there?

CONDON: Well, I, I came from a family with a few problems, so my role was, when things would go sideways, just, "But look over here, look over here."

I think that's true of a lot of comedians.

Most comedians have a great pain somewhere in the background.

Yep.

CONDON: And, um, you know, I'm no different.

I'm Jane Condon, and I'm 74.

(cheers and applause) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I don't care anymore.

(audience laughs) I come from an average American family.

A lot of love, a little alcoholism, a little mental illness.

(audience laughs) My husband comes from a very proper family.

They like classical music, sip fine wine, go to the club.

(laughs) Anyway, he is very confident, very smart, and extremely cute.

We are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that come together and, and fit, proving that opposites do attract.

He's rational, I'm impulsive.

He's very, very neat, I'm very, very not.

He likes to travel, and I like when he travels.

You know?

(audience laughs) Back when we were still dating, I noticed that he didn't drink that much and he wasn't mentally ill.

(audience laughs) And I'm thinking, "He could be the one."

(audience laughs) Yeah, I really love him, so I ask him to marry me.

And he seems very pleased by this.

And we're hugging and kissing, and after a few minutes, he pulls away and he says, "Jane, this is a really big decision.

I need time to think about this."

And I'm there, "Yes, yes, take all the time you need."

(chuckles) I didn't really mean that.

(audience laughs) But anyway, the next day, because I'm A.D.D., I can't wait.

I say, "So, have you had a chance to think about it?"

And he said, "Jane, I need more time."

And I'm there, "Fine, fine, no pressure."

But there was pressure.

(audience laughs) A whole week had already gone by.

And then he invites me over to his apartment for dinner.

And I'm thinking, "Okay, this is a good sign.

We live in New York, he's a great cook."

I'm thinking, "This is it tonight.

"He's going to say yes, or he's going to ask me to marry him."

So I sidle up to him and say, "How's it going?"

And he said, "Fine, fine."

And I'm there, "No, honey, I mean the big decision."

He said, "Oh, Jane.

"Well, I made a list of pros and cons.

(audience laughs) And it's on the legal pad over there."

I think, "Well, what are some of the pros?"

He said, "I think you'd make a great mother."

And I'm there, "Oh, a great mother.

Yes, thank you."

But does he say I'm smart?

Does he say I'm funny?

Good-looking?

Look, I know who I am.

On a scale of one to ten, I'm a six, all right?

But I'm a solid six, okay?

(audience laughs) With a little makeup, I'm a 7.2.

Yeah.

(audience laughs) And if he's been drinking, I'm a nine.

Yeah.

(audience laughs) But he doesn't drink that much-- oh, dear.

I say, "Honey, show me the cons."

And he's there, "Jane, forget about the cons-- let's get married."

And I'm there, "Oh, thank you.

"You just made all of my dreams come true.

"You know I'm a little old-fashioned.

"Would you mind terribly getting down on one knee... (audience laughs) ...and asking me to marry you?"

And he says, "Sure."

(chuckles) I love a man who can take direction.

(audience laughs) So he says, "Will you marry me?"

And I'm there, "Honey, "that was such an excellent first take, okay?

(audience laughs) "It's just, I'd always pictured the proposal being "something a little bit more like this: "'Will you, Jane Frances Condon, "'make me, Kenneth Gilbert Bartels, "'the happiest man on the face of the Earth?

Will you marry me?'"

He's there, "Okay.

(chuckles) "Will you, Jane Frances Condon, "make me, Kenneth Gilbert Bartels, "the happiest man on the face of the Earth?

Will you marry me?"

I have to tell you, I had tears coming down my cheeks.

(audience laughs) I did, even though I wrote it.

(audience laughs) And I took his hands in my hands and I said, "I'll think about it."

(audience laughs) Because I had one nagging thought.

He'd never met any members of my family.

And I'm thinking, "Well, I'm not going to start him in Brockton."

I love Brockton-- it made me who I am, it's my heart and soul, but it's a tough town, okay?

And I want to do the deal, okay.

So, I figure I'll take him to Cohasset.

My sister and brother-in-law live down there.

So we drive up on a Friday night, and he has on his best business suit, 'cause he wants to make a good first impression.

And we get there and the door is open.

It's about midnight and nobody's home.

(audience chuckling) And he says, "Jane, this is odd, but they didn't leave a note."

I'm, "You know, honey, in my family, we don't leave notes.

You're either here or you're not."

So we go to bed.

About 2: 00 a.m., a car screeches into the driveway.

It's my brother-in-law Jerry hanging out the window of the car, going... (in accent): "Janie!

Janie!

We're here!

We're here!"

And I'm there, "Oh, no."

"Oh, no"-- and then, he bursts into the bedroom.

He belly flops on the bed.

Ken had scooted out of the way.

Then he starts jumping up and down on the bed.

He said... (slurring): "Kenny, "Kenny, I love you.

"I love you-- Janie told us all about you, yeah.

"And that little girl... (crying): "...she's like a daughter to me, Ken, "ever since her dad died.

So you take good care of her, do you understand?"

So, my brother-in-law hops off the bed and gets Ken in a headlock.

And says, "You take good care of her or I'll kill you."

(chuckles) (audience laughs) That's when my sister tries to separate them.

And she's pushing Jerry out the door.

And, and Jerry, he looks back over his shoulder and he says, "Ken, if I don't kill you, I know a guy who knows a guy, Ken."

You know.

(audience laughs) Poor Ken, he is horrified, because he comes from a proper family.

He said, "Um, Jane, he didn't really mean that, did he?

About killing me?"

I'm there, "No, honey, he really likes you."

I'm thinking, "How do I explain to this well-bred, "well-educated man that in my family, "we fight on Saturday night, and on Sunday, it's waffles and church and sunshine, oh, my?"

(audience laughs) Rather miraculously, he doesn't dump me.

He still marries me.

WOMAN: Whoo!

- But then again, maybe he was afraid not to.

(audience laughs) Thank you, thank you.

(cheers and applause) HACIN: My name is David Hacin.

I'm an architect, I live here in Boston with my husband and my Miniature Schnauzer.

And I'm originally from Geneva, Switzerland, but Boston has been my home for many years, and as a consequence, I'm a big fan of GBH.

Does storytelling at all play a role in your work, do you feel?

It actually is a very central theme to the work that we do in my firm in particular.

It very much is about creating a narrative about the people who are living there, the people who are using it, and trying to figure out ways with design to tell those stories or to represent those stories.

As I understand it, tonight is your first time telling a story in this type of way.

Yes.

HAZARD: And I'm wondering, what's on your mind, how are you feeling?

(laughs) Oh, dear.

Um, well, I'm nervous.

I will-- I'll, I'll admit that I'm nervous.

I'm, I'm not unaccustomed to speaking to groups of people about the community or about other people.

But this is personal.

This is a personal story, and that's harder.

But the story is about love, and my husband will be in the audience, and so I'm doing it for him.

(laughs) Well, it's 1987.

And it's early summer.

And I have just graduated from the architecture program at the Graduate School of Design over here in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

And I am really excited to get my career going.

And that meant moving back to New York and going to work for one of the big, fancy, global architecture firms that were building skyscrapers all over the world.

That was my dream.

And to that end, I had even taken a job with a Boston branch office of one of those firms, hoping to get entre down to New York when the time came, but that wasn't working out just yet.

This being 1987, it was also the height of the AIDS crisis, and it was scary to be gay at that moment.

I had been closeted my whole life, and I had just begun to go out into the world to begin looking for Mr.

Right.

And one of those nights, I met a tall, dark, handsome man from Chicago.

There were sparks, and something clicked, and I was excited about it, but, um, he was staying in Boston and I was moving to New York, so I figured there was no real future there.

Back in my apartment, I waited for the calls to get job offers, and they weren't coming, when one morning, finally, I got a call from the New York office with an offer to come down to New York.

They had a position that might be right for me.

I was incredibly excited.

"Come down right away, Friday."

They sent a car, they flew me down.

There was even a black car to pick me up at the airport and take me into New York to 42nd Street, to their offices in the Daily News Building, a beautiful Art Deco building, which you may recognize from "Superman."

There's a globe spinning in the lobby.

It was "The Daily Planet" in all those movies.

And walking into that lobby, I felt like Superman.

I had my bow tie on, I was, had my portfolio.

I was ready for this opportunity.

I was incredibly excited.

I went upstairs, had a great day.

They told me how terrific I was and how, what a great career I was going to have.

And, and at the end of the day, they offered me a job.

Gave me the weekend to think about it.

Well, it was a Friday afternoon in New York in the summer, and there was a big line of thunderstorms coming through, and everyone was desperate to get out as quickly as possible.

There was not a cab to be had, and I needed a cab back to the airport.

Finally, the secretary, all excited, found a cab, and she said, "Oh, we got one, we got one!

"You've gotta go down right away.

"I hope you don't mind, you're gonna be sharing it with somebody."

I said, "No, of, of course not.

I'm happy to get into a cab with anybody."

So, I go rushing downstairs, and there's a man standing there, impatiently, on the street, tapping his foot.

Very handsome guy with dark glasses, a beautiful suit, and he was the very picture of the person that I hoped to be 20, 30 years down the line.

He wasn't very friendly, though, and it was clear this was going to be a quiet cab ride.

We got in and he didn't say anything at all, and we drove away.

By the time we got to the expressway, it was pouring.

I mean, pouring.

And we were in an old Checker cab, which sounds like a tin can, so the, the sound on the, on the top of the cab was so loud that you could barely hear yourself think.

And then the cab came to a complete stop, as did the traffic.

And we were sitting there, and it was clear we were going to be there for a while.

And this man turned to me with a little bit of attitude, and he said, "All right, so who are you?"

(audience chuckles) "Well, I'm David Hacin, "and I just graduated from the GSD, "and I've been working in your Boston office, "and I came down here, and I just got a job offer, and I'm so excited," and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada.

I finally stopped talking, and the man put his head in his hands and started to cry.

A little bit at first, and then really sobbing.

And he turns to me and he says, "Don't take it."

And I'm, like, "Don't, don't take it?

Well, why, why not?"

"Don't take the job.

"Trust me.

"They will tell you anything that you want to hear "for you to accept the position.

"They will work you like a dog for decades, "and then, when it's your turn, "they're going to throw you away.

I'm telling you-- trust me-- don't take it."

And at that point, he wiped away some tears, turned away from me, and I knew the conversation was over.

We eventually made it to the Marine Terminal at LaGuardia, and this tall, handsome man in the suit, whose name I did not know, disappeared into a crowd like a ghost.

And I would never see him or speak to him again.

I got on that plane, and when we came into Logan Airport, I looked out the window and the clouds had parted and the sun was streaming through and hitting the Boston skyline, looked so incredibly beautiful.

And I thought, "This is a sign.

Someone is sending me a sign."

That maybe I should give that guy that I met in the bar another call, that maybe I should give this city, which I actually liked quite a bit, another chance.

And then we landed.

And on that Monday, I turned down the job.

It's 40 years later now, almost 40 years, and the man that I met in the bar is sitting right over there.

(audience murmurs) He's my husband... (applause) ...and... (cheers and applause) ...the love of my life.

I never really had to work for another company for very long, because I started my own company.

And 32 years later, I've built an incredible team.

We've done great work.

I'm so proud of them, and of us, and instead of doing projects in communities that I couldn't possibly understand, I chose to work in the town that I live in, building my own community.

And eventually-- it takes a while-- eventually becoming a Bostonian.

WOMAN: Whoo!

(audience chuckles) (applause) I would find out years later who that man was, and how he had worked very, very hard for a promised partnership that had been denied to him literally moments before he got into that taxicab with me.

Hardly a day goes by that I don't think about how lucky I am that that line of storms blew through New York that Friday afternoon.

Because getting into that taxicab with that man was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Thank you.

(cheers and applause)