Possible Selves: Overcoming the Odds in Foster Care

(gentle guitar music) (gentle music swells) (band conductor) Deep breath in, then sigh, walk it off if you need to.

Five, six, seven, eight, and in.

(rhythmic snapping) (deep breathing) And in.

(applause, cheering) (sousaphone plays) (Alex) I remember one time my social worker had come to see me at the Boys and Girls Club.

And a girl from my school had asked, "Who was that?

Was that your dad?"

(cheering) I said, "No, thats my social worker."

She said, "Why, did you do something?"

And I said, "No."

And it just really bothered me.

People assume that if youre in a foster home that you did something.

You do things that are illegal, like, you do crimes.

Youre a bad kid, youre not smart.

But thats not the case.

Sometimes its way out of their control.

Sometimes theyre just in a foster home because their parents couldnt take care of them.

(audience cheers) (whistle blows) Honestly, I think being labelled a foster child isnt a good thing.

It gives other children the right to separate themselves from you.

Not the right, but it gives them the opportunity to do that, because youre not like us.

And hearing other people call them "no good," or call them "dumb" or "idiots" because theyre in a foster home, and its not even their fault?

Makes that much worse.

(drum beating in time) (band conductor) Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Stomp, stomp.

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

(phone message pings) (tender music swells) Foster youth are normal youth, theyre--theyre teenagers when they get to high school.

The problem is, once we get to high school, thats you we see the spike in instability for foster youth, right, because theyre going through teenage angst, and puberty, and--and theyre changing, theyre defining who they are as a human being, and thats really hard for foster parents who arent used to that, to have to adjust, right?

Who, if the youth is having a bad day, to not say, "You know what, I dont wanna deal with your bad day, or your changing emotions, Im just gonna say you go to a new foster home."

Our foster youth move schools an average of eight times while theyre in care.

And its not just moving schools, its new teachers, new friends.

You dont have the school uniform, you dont have the clothes that everyone else is wearing.

Foster youth are the only, sort of, underprivileged population that doesnt have a right to speak out on their own behalf, so I think having the United States, and--and the country understand what these youth are facing, but also hearing it from them, is something that--that, that hasnt been done before.

(indistinct chatter) Notice something different?

(Sue) You had a shave?

Nice to see your face!

(Alex) Can you help me?

-Probably easier-- -Ive lost something.

(Sue) Wait, let me help undo it.

There you go, turn around.

(Alex) The band teacher was telling us that you have to wear your tux with, uh, some, like, Christmas accessories, and I raised my hand, and I said, "Oh, well, what if I have a Santa outfit?"

And hes like, "Well, we can talk after class."

And so...he said okay after a while.

Sue, this beard smells funny.

(Sue laughs) (Sue) Oh, dear.

-Should we brush it?

-No, please.

-Can you brush it?

-No, I dont think so.

(Sue) Mm, its lovely.

Is there a little hole mouth?

Ooh, man!

(Will) Yeah, it smells really bad.

(Alex) No, Will, you cant do it yourself, its bad.

Well, you could do it yourself, but...

There you go.

(Sue) All right, I--honestly, I think thats the best.

You look fabulous.

(Alex) Thank you.

(Sue) Right, are we ready?

Are you ready?

(indistinct chatter) All right, off you go.

Okay, bye, Sue.

(Sue) Bye, babes, have fun!

I--do I get made fun of?

Do I just let the making-fun-of-ness happen?

(Sue) Theyre making fun of Christmas, so, I dont think anyone will, youll be all right.

(Alex) Thats true.

(Sue) Bye, babe.

I will be up in the bleachers in the back.

(melancholic music) Alex came here with Will, and then, I remember, he said that him and Will were friends through the band.

Will had a sleepover, and a few of his friends stayed overnight, and heres the kid whos helping clean up, you know?

(Sue laughs) And he would sit and chat with me and Al.

He started off in a foster home, and then he went to a family living situation, and it just didnt work out.

And then he went to a group home, and Will was actually really upset, and he said, "You know, youre never gonna guess whats happened, hes ended up, now hes in a group home."

I just looked at Al and I said, "I just--I dont like the idea of him in a group home," you know?

And so I said, "You know, weve got an extra room, why dont we just see if he wants to come here?"

We were still eating at the table, and Will just texted him, cause thats kids, "Do you wanna come and stay with us for a bit?"

And I saw the text, it was just a, "Yeah," and, like, a million exclamation points.

And it just went from there.

(serious music) (indistinct chatter) (young man) Hi, Alex.

-I call top bunk.

-What?

-I call top bunk.

-All right.

Keisha, did you bring any CDs, or no?

-Some what?

-CDs?

(Keisha) No.

Sleeping with Sirens, Never Shout Never, and Evanescence, and Great Big World, and Pierce the Veil.

(young man) Yeah, and I brought my bible, so I could read it at night.

Roll of the dice.

(he laughs) (zipper unzipping) (grunting) (Alex) Why are we cleaning the space?

-My chargers too bulky.

-No, its not.

(boy) Yeah, it is, look.

(Alex) No, no, this will work.

(boy) Hey, its charging like that.

(Alex) Youre welcome.

Basically, Im one of six children, but Im the lucky one, I was the only one not born addicted to some sort of drug.

When my mom would always, like, do drugs and all that, she used to like, feed me, so that I wouldnt bother her when she was like shooting heroin or something.

We were going from apartment to apartment, we would never pay the rent, we would just sneak out the back.

My mom finally got arrested, and I was placed with my grandmother.

That was a good thing, but a bad thing, cause I--I was always yelled at by my stepdad, and then things--well, he wasnt really my step-dad, but he was just like, the father figure, I guess.

And things then started to get, like, physical.

(Justin) Right.

Physically abusive at my house, and I asked to leave, because I didnt want it to get worse.

(Justin) I used to think of foster children as like, you know, damaged goods no one really wanted.

And...I dunno, once I became one, its like, my whole perspective just shifted and all, so.

You know, is that-- if thats what everyone will think of as foster child, then how can they ever see the qualities that they possess, how can they ever see that they might be a great dancer, or a gifted musician, or, uh, I dunno, a lawyer, a doctor, just-- who can see the potential in a damaged good, really?

(Andrea) Oh, snap, eyebrows popping tonight.

Pow!

(laughter) You get my artistry on, uh... (Tiffany) Being in foster care, people always ask me things like, "How does it feel to be in foster care?"

-Whatchu mean, like?

-What is it like to be-- Like, they treat it like its some kinda disease, like.

Like, cancer, or something, so like.

And, when people ask you this, you kind of have in your mind already what youre gonna say, youre like, "Oh, you know, it sucks, but, you know, I made it through."

Or, "Oh, you know, it wasnt the greatest, but Im not a--Im not a victim of my circumstance."

Were not crazy.

Were not all, like, we dont all have, like, depressing lives.

(Tiffany) Were not, like, helpless, like, were not like, "Oh, Im a foster child, and I cant do anything because Im a foster child, Im a ward of the court, and--" Like, its not like that.

Its like, okay, Ive been through some stuff.

It is who I am, I gotta deal with it and live life, like.

I hate when people are like-- How does that--how do you feel?

Yeah, you know, like, or, "How does-- how does being in foster care make you different," like.

Well, for me, I just dont think about it.

-Right!

-I live my life.

(Tiffany) Its kinda one of those things you just put in the back.

Way back, but when you bring it up, thats when... it just all comes tumbling down.

Yeah.

Kinda sucks.

Hm.

(bucket clattering) (Alex) Do you think you could put, like, a stripe down Caesars back, and pass him off as a skunk?

(Alan) Yeah, call him Pepe Le Pew.

(Alex) Yeah.

(cameraman) And so, what are you guys painting?

(Alan) Were looking to sell this place and move to somewhere bigger.

Um, its mostly Alexs fault, since he moved in, everywheres too small.

No, no, its not.

Um.. See all this stuff on the ceiling now?

Brown sort of splotches?

(Alex) Oh, thats from me.

Sorry, it was just cause I was trying to get all the way to the little edge right here.

-And so I marked the top-- -Yeah, you cant-- you cant do it with your roller, Alex.

You have to do it with the brush.

(tea kettle whistling) (Sue) "Nothing," what, what happened, whatve you done?

-Nothing.

-What broke?

(Alex) No, Sue, nothing broke!

-No, theres something.

-No, Sue, theres nothing.

-I dont trust you.

-You dont trust me, Sue?

-Whatve you done?

-I-Ive done nothing!

(Sue) Its the floor.

No, its actually not the floor.

(Sue) Yeah, thats what-- so there is something.

Yeah, there is.

(Sue) What, what the hell was-- oh, the ceiling!

(Alex) What about the ceiling?

Did you get paint on the ceiling?

-No.

-Just there?

(Alex) No, theres no paint on the ceiling.

What?

(Sue) I dunno, hes bluffing.

Alex has changed a little bit since moving in.

Were really calm people.

We dont argue.

Well, we do, but we dont shout, we dont throw things, you know, we dont get drunk.

I always say, "Were quiet people in a noisy world."

(thoughtful music) And Alex has been in situations that have been really stressful.

And the first time we had an argument, he told me that he hated me.

And I said, "Be careful, those are really strong words, and think about whether you actually mean them."

And a little bit later, he said, "I understand if you want me to leave."

And I said, "No, course not, thats what families do, they argue, and then they talk about it, and then they apologize, and get over it.

Youre not leaving cause youve had an argument, thats not how families work, youre stuck with us, you have to stay."

But I dont think hes been through that, I think hes lived in just complete turmoil in his biological familys home.

His grandma, it was her boyfriend who was very abusive to Alex.

And, yet, he loves that person.

He absolutely loves him, and he wants to see them.

And I really struggle with that, because I want him to know this person, but theyre not a good role model in his life.

So, its a difficult situation to be in, because I want to protect him from that man.

His family, he just remembers so fondly, and even though awful things happened to him, he still has such a strong bond with them.

(indistinct chatter) (door closes) (Ms.

Crystal) Oh, oh, they gave you a receipt?

Yeah, I need to give these back to them when I go get my phone.

(Ms.

Crystal) As soon as you get outta school, you come here, see me, and then-- -And just go?

-Yep.

(Alyssa) Okay.

We got juice?

(Ms.

Crystal) Juice--no, you gonna make it?

You can make some tea like you did yesterday.

Obviously it was good.

The kids are like my kids.

They were in situations that were not in their power to control.

So, they get placed here, and we as caregivers are trying to help them go through and maneuver life as much as possible.

Were trying to keep them safe, because thats what being in the group home is supposed to be about.

Somebody has to care for them.

Their parent might not be capable, for whatever reason, but I believe somebody is always here for somebody else.

You make your family who you make your family.

Ms. Betty cant cook.

(Alyssa) I had one and it was too spicy.

(Ms.

Crystal) We wear many hats here.

Were like the therapist, were like the teacher, were like the mom, the grandmother, the aunt, were all of that.

We try to be like a parent, but we know were not, and they will bring that up to us, where, "Youre not my mom, you cant tell me what to do."

No, Im--were not trying to.

This is a temporary placement.

We do the best we can with what we have.

(phone ringing) This is Crystal.

Yes, I do, youre Mayas social worker.

(Ms.

Crystal laughs) Yes, maam.

(phone message pings) (tender guitar music) Even in 1890, before there was a field of psychology, and it was philosophy, William James was talking about this idea of an imagined or possible self.

And he felt quite certain that were motivated not just by who we are right now, but by our images of who we might become.

Particularly, in risky situations, the other piece thats highly motivating is the self youre afraid you might become.

The last set of studies that we--we did is, we said, "Well, maybe what were ignoring, the reason that its sort of messier, is were ignoring context, and maybe we should take more seriously context."

So, if Im in a context where its reasonably clear that things can go badly, and all Im thinking about is my most desired possible self, is that motivating?

And the other mismatch, if Im in a context where its likely that things are gonna go fabulously, but all Im thinking about is how awful my--my feared possible self would be, is that motivating?

And maybe the problem isnt to think about, is the positive desired possible self-motivating, or is the negative undesired feared possible self-motivating, but rather to say, its about the match between the context that youre in, and the way that youre imagining your possible self.

And sure enough, thats what we found.

(Mia) I ended up in foster care because my mother is a drug addict.

I didnt mean to sound so happy about it, because Im not, but like, shes...

I have learned to laugh about my experience, by the way, so if I tend to laugh, I just, its already funny to me.

So, my mom is a drug addict.

My biological father is, was, abusive.

Now he is not, we have talked it out.

My grandma, may she rest her soul, she passed away, but like, she was a drug addict too.

I dont talk to my biological mom at all.

Shes still a drug addict.

Shes gonna do what she does until the end of her days.

Shes a drug addict, she would abuse me and, like, her boyfriends would, like, abuse her too.

Its like it happens without you realizing, because at a certain point its like, "Oh, its not even that bad," like, "This whoopin doesnt even hurt."

Like, youll cry so much and then in between the whooping youre just, like, numb, you dont feel anything.

And you dont-- you really dont hear, or you dont feel, like youre just cut off from the world.

And then, its like, theyll be like, "Oh, youre not crying?

Okay, then Imma hit you more."

And youre like, "Okay, like, it doesnt even hurt so keep going.

Like, I dont care."

And thats how it was.

So, Ive learned to dole out a lot of pain.

It comes naturally now.

Well, lets see if theres a nice shady spot.

Oh, yeah, I think there is, actually.

How am I on that side?

(Alex) Youre okay, youre just slanted.

Youre not crossing the line.

So, a few of the trombones from honor jazz, were gonna make a trombone quartet, and weve already decided on the first song we wanna learn.

-A medley of Les Mis.

-Of what?

Uh, I dont actually know how to pronounce the full thing, but like, Le Mis-r-ab-less.

(Bee) Me--Les Misrables.

Oh, yeah, there.

(Bee) I always think of trombones as being kind of the supporting instrument.

(Alex) They are, and thats why theres trombone quartets, so that we can have the melody sometimes.

(Bee) I see.

Well, Grampa Norman played in the Marine Corps.

Band, and he was very good.

Yeah.

(Bee) Very, very good.

He was a smart man.

You come by your brains from your family.

You know?

And Alice is smart.

Um...

Even your mothers smart even though she doesnt do smart things.

(Alex) Yeah.

(Bee) One of the nice things about getting older is you get better at accepting things you cant change.

-Yeah.

-And... but you have to recognize at first, and then accept the fact you cant change it, you have to live with that.

Yep.

Like, I hate being old now.

Ive never told you that, but I hate it.

I wish I were 35 again.

(Alex) Well, if you cant do anything about it... (Bee) No, I cant.

(Alex) I cant do anything about getting older, so... (Bee) No, but youre just going in to your golden years.

-Not really.

-Does it feel that way?

-No, not at all.

-No?

Oh.

Its a lot more stressful.

(Bee) Well... We cant pick what were going to die of, or when were going to die, but I always think of the Woody Allen thing, of "Im not afraid of dying, I just dont want to be there when it happens."

(Alex) Yeah.

And I identify with that.

(Alex) I think everybody does, to a certain extent.

Yeah.

Yeah, and we all want to just go to sleep and never wake up.

I mean, it might be a shock to your family, but...

I wouldnt mind being awake.

-Hm?

-I wouldnt mind being awake.

Because those are, like, the last moments you get with your family.

So, Id rather spend that with my family than be asleep when I couldve been awake, and I couldve had those last few experiences.

(Bee) But what if you were in horrible pain?

(Alex) I mean, I doubt that, I feel like if I was in horrible pain I would be dead.

No, sometimes its not like that.

(Alex) I know.

Can I go home, Bee?

Im really tired, I wanna go home.

-You wanna go home?

-Yes, Im really tired.

(Bee) I noticed youve been yawning.

(Alex) Yes.

(engine starts, car chiming) (Bee) Will you go in and take a nap?

-Probably.

-Oh, okay.

Give me a kiss.

-I love you.

-I love you too, Bee.

(somber music) My mom and her siblings were in foster care.

And Im a second generation foster kid.

Im not sure exactly what tipped it off.

I do know that my grandmother had an abusive partner.

And so, I just think it hurt her a lot more.

Especially since, like, her first set of kids were put into foster care, and its like now Im in foster care, and I was like her second chance.

(crowd chatter) (crowd shouting) I still remember the day that I left.

We had just gotten back from the beach, still had sand in my swim trunks, still had wet hair.

And...I guess you could call him my uncle, hes my grandmothers boyfriend... He got really upset with me over something.

Like, taking out the trash or something.

Pushed me onto the floor, I hit my head against the wall.

And then before he did anything else, he just said, "You know what, go outside, I dont want to hit you."

He had locked me out of the house, I was out there until like 9:00 or 10:00.

Ever since I was a little kid, we had always been arguing, fighting... Basically, I wanted to leave because things had started getting physical.

And things were emotionally, physically, mentally abusive.

Thats what they wrote down on the court thing, too.

And we were sitting down with placement social workers, education people, my therapist, and they said, "Alex, would you consider going into a foster home?"

And I said, "Yes, please, I dont want to go back to my grandmothers house."

I was trying not to cry the whole time because it was really sad to think about, like, everything.

But I realized that it would be good for me.

I remember I hadnt had anything to eat since lunch that day, and so Id told my social worker about it.

And he said, "All right, lets go to Dennys."

And so me and him went to Dennys.

I got spaghetti and meatballs and he got some sort of burger.

After that, he took me straight to the group home.

(indistinct chatter) Oh my gosh.

Oh, no, theyre tiny.

Oh, his claws.

Two of them have been adopted already, yesterday, and the owners have said theyre already purring and doing really well, so it just took-- it just takes one day of a lot of attention.

Did you say you do have a preference or you do not?

-I dont.

-Okay, okay.

I can feel its little heart beating really fast.

(vet tech) Yeah, (indistinct).

That one seems to be settled right in.

Thats funny, that ones just really... (Alex) I like this one too.

(Sue) That ones super nice.

He fell asleep on you.

(soft music) (vet tech) Yeah, oh yeah, for sure, yeah.

(indistinct speaking) (Alex) When you go to see your girlfriend or your boyfriends parents, you know, theyre not sitting there treating you like youre their daughter or youre their son, theyre treating you as a guest.

And so, imagine that feeling 24/7, where youre just constantly a guest.

Sort of like, "Am I overstaying?

Am I a burden right now?

Am I acting the way I should act?"

So, thats sort of what foster cares like, but each time its like you have to learn a whole new set of rules, you have to learn what people like, what people dont like.

How this person acts, how this person acts.

-All four attached to you.

-Uh-oh.

(Alex) Thats not what familys like, though.

Theyre not gonna kick you out.

For real, they might kick you out, but theyre not going to kick you out forever, you know?

Like foster families would, like, say.

"You know, if you mess up again, like, youre out."

You know?

But its like, you know, a real family would never.

(cell phone chimes) Judges at each court probably make hundreds of decisions each day impacting children and families, from placement decisions, to service decisions, to life-changing decisions.

Things like, Should we terminate the rights of this parent forever?"

There are many unforgettable moments.

You remember cases where-- I tend to like to try and remember cases where something positive happened, but there are cases where children died that haunt you.

You think to yourself, "Is there something I couldve done better?

Something that I couldve done that mightve prevented that happening?

Did I make the right decision in that case?

What am I gonna do the next time I see the scenario?"

But at the end of the day, I think its important for all of us to try and remember the good things that happened.

And it will be there every single day, even what you consider to be your worst day on the bench, those positive things will be there.

If you can pinpoint those positive things, and let that be the last thing you think about before you leave that day, you can come back tomorrow and do it again.

(indistinct chatter) (news anchor) Began early afternoon, on this frightening day in San Bernadino, -as the governor... -Hello, let me see.

Awe, you did!

See, you were pract-- you were practicing!

(overlapping news broadcasts) I have a lot of them that come to see me still.

I call them all my babies.

They my babies, no matter what.

They my babies.

And I tell them Im here, you can be gone 10, 20 years, Im still here.

Call me.

Still here.

And its really worth it to see the faces, to see them come back, to see them growing and prospering, to see them with a job, to see them driving down the street in they car and they hollering out, yes.

Thats a good feeling, to know that you can make a difference.

They may not get it now, but you know they taking it in, cause the more resistance youre met with, you know theyre listening.

They not gonna tell you, but they listening.

They listening.

As long as I know some of the information that were putting out there is gonna reach them, I dont worry about the rest of it.

Cause itll come.

Itll come.

(group) Happy birthday, dear Alyssa Happy birthday to you Cha-cha-cha (clapping) Happy birthday, dear Alex Happy birthday to you (train whistle) (Alex) My moms in jail again, for some really bad stuff this time.

Six felonies and four misdemeanors.

I was really sad to hear it, um, cause, honestly, like, I love my mom, you know?

I dont know why, cause she hasnt like... you know?

Like, she wasnt really there in my life.

Like, she just missed me growing up.

But I dont know why, I just--I want her to be okay.

The love I have for my biological mom is like that biological feeling.

Its not that I dont like other peoples parents, I love other peoples parents, you know?

But Ive never been able to call anybody mom or dad.

(cell phone chimes) (Lyndsey) When young people have someone to lean on, when they see you as a responsible role model, when they hear you speaking life into them, talking about whats possible, talking about their future.

And when that person becomes a consistent fixture in their life, you have single-handedly, without even realizing it, probably pivoted that young persons journey to this new reality of what is possible.

And its a blessing.

Its a blessing to be able to do that for young people that sometimes will never have a mom or dad.

Even when they get to 35, some of their parents will never come around, they will never figure out their mental health issues, they will never deal with their drug or substance abuse issues.

And so that young person has to figure it out on their own, but with that other person who is their mentor, who is speaking positively, who is showing this long-lasting love and care for them.

You can completely change their life.

Thats how much consistent adults matter when people have had adverse childhood experiences and trauma after trauma.

(indistinct chatter) (woman) Welcome, everybody, to our graduation celebration for our Cohort 2 students, from the First Star Bruin Guardian Scholars Academy.

Please rise, (indistinct).

(applause) (Mia) First and foremost, I think Im totally selling you out, but, like, when I first got here, I didnt really like any of yall.

But like, no, it gets better.

(laughs) I didnt really like anybody because Im the type of person, like, I been through a lot so I tend to close off myself to others and I dont like getting hurt, so I dont like to get attached to people.

(tender music) And so, as, like, the years have progressed, like, I got super attached to all yall, and, like, I consider yall all my family.

But, like, I really do love all you guys.

And, honestly, BGSA is the reason I even applied to San Francisco State to attend with Bajing because my GPA started to really decrease cause I moved into a new foster home, like, everything was really bad, and I was like, "Im not gonna get in, theres no point in trying."

And I got accepted to two universities with--plus a scholarship.

(applause) And thats all because of yall, like, you guys are the reason that Im progressing and Im gonna become a biologist.

So, thank you.

(applause) (man) Nina Doriso.

(cheering) Lauren Elizabeth White.

(cheering) Joseph Espinoza.

(indistinct chatter) (majestic band music) (soft music) (soft, somber music) (Alex) I hate saying "homeless" cause I feel like "homeless" means living on the streets, but it doesnt.

It just means you dont have a home.

(serene music) When I got back from Drum Corps, I spent the night at my friend Sammys house.

I just forgot to tell Sue.

And, next morning, I got a phone call from her saying, like, "Do you even, like, respect the rules or anything?"

It was like...what?

Like...

I didnt come home past 11:00.

Im sorry I didnt tell you.

And then, I just got this long text from Alan basically saying that they felt like they werent appreciated and that I had a week to move out.

And then, later that day, they said, "All you stuffs in the garage.

Come get it."

They said that?

They said that they thought I was drinking and smoking?

All they told me was that I was being disrespectful and all I said was, "Okay."

You know?

I didnt know anything.

When I was there, I felt so held back.

Like, them saying I cant do-- Like, I wanted to be a scientist, I wanted to be a physicist, you know?

That was my dream.

And I really felt like I couldve done that, you know?

But they told me I couldnt.

Like, I wasnt smart enough.

Like, I wasnt chasing it hard enough.

-They said that?

-Yeah.

Sue told me, like, I kept telling her, you know, "This is what I want to do."

And she just kept telling me, "No, you cant do that."

Like, "If you really wanted to do that, you would have been doing it since, like, 6th grade."

And I just...

I just felt like I was so held back, you know?

And to think that... that I let other people tell me that I couldnt do something.

Who knows?

Maybe I wouldve loved science.

Maybe I wouldve loved physics.

Maybe I really wouldve done something like that, you know?

How do you tell the people that are taking care of you, and how do you tell the people that you look up to, "Hey, you know what?

Youre wrong.

I can do it."

Whether or not, you know, like how are you supposed to do that?

To think that after the three years that we have been living together that they couldnt just talk to me about something like that.

You know?

It was just... (somber music) (Mike) There you go.

(tattoo gun buzzing) I--I was an idiot growing up.

Drug addict.

Alcoholic.

You know, prison, most of my teenage years.

And, matter of fact, thats where I learned this.

Thats exactly where I learned this.

And, uh, so when the time came to adopt Al, there was no second-guessing that.

It needed to be done.

It needed to be done.

We had no idea DCFS was gonna treat us so bad.

They put me under the microscope.

Wheres your dragon?

Gonna touch that up, too.

(tattoo gun buzzing) Accusations.

Accusations.

They accused me... of child abuse.

And...wasnt true.

But its done.

Its doner than done, its the past.

We survived it, youre here.

-You know?

-Yeah.

Past is the past.

All we can do is prove em wrong.

(tattoo gun buzzing) Enough, enough about that.

(Alex) Yeah.

(Mike) Think were done with that one.

(tattoo gun buzzing) It helps not to look.

-Really?

-Yeah, a little bit.

(man) Yeah.

(Alex) So, I got the bumble bee cause growing up, I didnt know how to say my grandmas name.

Um, so I just started calling her "Bee."

Um, and thats-- (Mike) Thats where she got-- the name stuck!

(Alex) Yeah, the name, I guess, just stuck.

(Mike) The name stuck.

(laughing) Thats exactly what happened.

(tattoo gun buzzing) (serene music) (man) This one can be standing.

(Mia) Can I put it here?

Yeah.

(Mia) My parents, theyre, like, strict in their own way.

Im having struggles.

I dont know how youre doing this.

Slow but steady.

(Mia) Like, they discipline, but they let you make your mistakes, so then you realize what you can do to fix them.

Cause my moms young.

Like, shes a young mom, you know?

And, like, I feel like she just understands.

Like, my dad, like, he is the "joke with you" kind of person, like, hes teaching me how to drive.

I sit on their bed and I talk to them, and I can just cry and everythings fine.

As a foster kid, you dont come around that often.

You dont find that a lot, you know?

(door unlocking) (screaming joyfully) (Bajing) Hey!

Oh, my God!

Oh, come on!

(Mia) Im trying to get the key out the door.

(Bajing) Here, let me help you, let me help you.

Ah!

This is all your stuff?

Hi!

(roommate) Im gonna wait for someone, so just put-- yeah, Ill hook it.

(Mia) Now is this... (roommate) Yeah, look, at first they-- Okay, you got a lot of stuff.

(Bajing) Yeah.

Do you?

(Mia) Um, not--yeah, I do.

(Bajing) And they gave us that stuff over there.

(Mia) Whats this?

-This pillows?

-Pillows, yeah.

Ooh, a goodie bag.

(Mias foster dad) One, two, and three.

(phone camera snaps) Take care, okay, you take care of yourself, and good luck, okay?

Anything you can text us or anything.

(Mias foster mom) Text us, okay?

One you finish your supplies or whatever and your social worker doesnt get back to you, call us, text me, and dont waste your money on things that you dont need.

Dont go crazy with your money.

(Mia) I wont.

Im not--Im not gonna cry.

(laughing) (Mias foster dad) Youre flying solo now.

Believe me.

Ooh, trying not to cry!

(laughing) I dont wanna go!

(crying) -Okay, youre gonna be okay.

-Mia.

(Mias foster mom) Youre gonna be fine.

Girl.

See?

Youre gonna get through this, look, right here.

(Mias foster dad) Youre gonna be fine.

Anything, you know, you can text.

You know you can count on us, all right?

Go to your dorm, go have fun with your roommate, fix your room.

You got a lot to do over there, okay?

Dont cry, come on.

-Youre strong.

-You got this.

(Mias foster dad) Be strong, stay strong, okay?

(Mias foster mom) All right, gotta go cause Im gonna get a ticket and Ill send you the ticket if we get it.

(Mias foster dad) All right, Mia.

(Mias foster mom) Just keep walking, dont look back.

(Mias foster dad) Keep walking, dont look back, okay?

Again, bye.

-Good luck, mija, okay?

-Okay.

-Love you, okay?

-Love you too.

-All right?

-Okay.

(Mias foster dad) Dont look back.

Mia, we love you, okay?

(crying) Okay, lets go.

(clears throat) Where are you guys going?

(Bajing) Were gonna go look at our classes.

(Mia) I dont even know where my classes are.

-Wanna come?

-Yeah.

I have nothing better to do.

(Bajing) Okay, were all gonna find our classes.

All right, my first class, I have to go to 283, but right now were going to 101 through 108, so, whatever number you have just-- Okay, I have 107.

(peaceful music) (Alex) So, Im in a transitional housing program, which is something for foster youth.

It assists them with living if they dont have legal guardians taking care of them.

Gosh, why is it-- I need to dust.

You know, I never believed adults when they were like, "You gotta dust."

But you really do.

Look how sweet this plate is, and it was so dusty.

It says, "You make the world a better place just by being in it."

So, Im starting college after a year of not going to school.

Im starting my major in music.

Were good.

Im excited for school, in all honesty.

Excited to be around music again.

Im excited to just be able to play.

I havent really just been able to relax and, like, practice for a while.

Musicianship, Wind Ensemble, and then Music Theory.

Thats what we got going on today.

After I got kicked out, I just lost my focus, you know?

Over the better half of the year, I could say Ive been depressed and Ive gained a lot of weight.

It was rough, and I guess it still is.

Yeah, I know, its supposed to be the end, like, lets go happy-go-lucky, you know?

But this isnt the end of my story.

This just happens to be where I start school.

(phone dings) All right, its the first day of school and, uh, were seven minutes away.

Im kinda nervous.

Traffic, yay!

But its okay, cause Im actually going to school this time.

All right, but were here.

Sorry, Im still very, uh-- Its a little weird after, like, a year of no school.

-Yeah.

-You know, I keep saying that, but its, like... Im excited though.

Youre all set, youre waiting on me?

Well, I-- (laughing) -Okay.

-Ready?

Yeah.

Guess Im as ready as I can be.

Oh, boy, okay, lets go.

Life is about being out of your comfort zone.

Here we go.

(inspirational music) (male singer) Hush my troubled mind and rest I need to breathe and clear my head Shut my eyes and dream of things I could have done much differently Wait for me now I might come around I might come around to this Find common ground Before we lose our heads Before we scrub our minds in bliss (vocalizing) I told you once, Ill tell you twice You have my heart until I die Built up from the love, torn down by pride A family made from a new design Wait for me now I might come around I might come around to this Find common ground Before we lose our heads Before we scrub our minds in bliss (vocalizing) Wait for me now I might come around I might come around to this Find common ground Before we lose our heads Before we scrub our minds in bliss (vocalizing)