Charlie Berens
Hey, there, Wisconsin classes of 2020! Boy, howdy, who saw this coming, huh? Now, if you're out there going, "Uh, I did," well, one of two things is correct.
Either one
You're lying,
or two
you got a time machine. And if it's the latter, I'd like to talk to you after this speech 'cause we've got to go back to 2011 and put a bet on the Packers, okay? You fly, I'll buy. All right? Anywho, back to the speech. Look, your senior year ended early 'cause of the gosh darn COVID, ya know? And that's tough! But that's okay 'cause we're Wisconsin. All right? We know a thing or three about toughness. I mean, how many of yous walked to school in February? Actually, forget walking to school. How many of yous walked outside in February? That's tough. How many of yous can spell Oconomowoc on your first try? Tough! How many of yous have cut the grass and shoveled the walk on the very same day? Toughness. But then, along came the gosh darn COVID! And, you know what, Wisconsin Classes of 2020? It made ya even tougher! You know, tougher than... tougher than my venison jerky.
record player slows abruptly
Deer
What now?!? 'Cause just like my venison jerky... you, too, are well marinated. For four years, you've been soaking in knowledge like it's Worcestershire sauce, absorbing the memories, blending friendships like flavors that'll last a lifetime.
record player suddenly slows
Deer
But then came
slaps knees
Deer
the gosh darn COVID and just like my jerky, you were plucked from your marinade the way a raccoon plucks a carp from the shallows of Lake Winnebago.
music resumes
Deer
And you were ruthlessly left out to dry-- dehydrate, if you will. You've missed out on proms and sports seasons, ceremonies and celebrations. But, you know what? It's made you tough. And it's that combination of flavor and toughness that's made you a healthy and delicious snack. Now, I know these words can't possibly make up for what you've lost. But just remember this, "Life is like a tackle box. "Don't mourn the lures you lost yesterday, "And don't worry about the lures you'll lose tomorrow. Enjoy the lures you have today." Class of 2020, Keep 'er Movin'!
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