Out of the Dark

MAN: Alright everybody welcome to Russ Belt Poetry Slam.

Next up to the stage we got Akeem Rollins.

AKEEM: "Suicide Note."

"Tell my nephew I am sorry.

Tell my sister I'm sorry she had to be the one to tell my nephew.

Tell her I was afraid of her judgement.

Tell my mother..." Ok, hold up.

Before we get any further I just want to make sure you understand that yes, I actually wrote this as my suicide note.

But let me back up a little bit.

I grew up in the ghetto on the east side of Cleveland.

I'm that kid, over there, the really skinny bookworm type.

I wrote poems, a lot of them.

And I got picked on, all the time.

I got kicked out of my house when I was 14 because I told my mother I was gay.

MOTHER: And get out of my house.

AKEEM: I was homeless and just trying to survive.

I was broke, hungry and then there was depression.

And let me tell you, it was bad.

I finally got to the point where I just said, "I'm done."

So that's where the "Suicide Note" comes in.

"Tell my mother I wasn't bluffing.

Tell my grandmother to please open up the gates, I know this really wasn't the way she expected to see me again but this is how I am unraveled.

Tell her... never mind, I'll tell her myself.

Tell my other suicide notes they asses weren't poems either.

Tell my roommate I'm sorry he had to be the one to find the body.

Tell the blood, be quick about it already.

Tell Ryan, my love, that everything has his name on it.

Tell the downstairs neighbors I'm sorry for the thud.

Tell the pain I said goodbye tell goodbye I said hello.

Tell depression good game, I almost had you mother fucker tell the psychiatrist the medicine ain't working.

But don't tell my little brother, don't tell Rashad unless he asks.

Please."

See it was bad.

(phone ringing).

WOMAN: Hello... AKEEM: But before I actually tried anything I called a friend to say goodbye.

And she called the police.

They took me to the hospital.

I was pissed and I kept writing.

"Tell mother nurse don't smile and hold my hand.

Don't tell me I can heal.

Don't lie to me now.

Don't you show me what I got to live for.

Don't make me want this again, please don't make me fight.

I'm tired and no I don't want it to be better.

Don't fix the brokenness that is all that I know."

So yea, I wasn't having it.

I didn't even want to try.

But then I met a nurse named Renee.

And she was the first person who took the time to really listen.

RENEE: Yes, that's the only way to describe it.

AKEEM: We talked for hours.

And at some point I realized I didn't actually want to kill myself.

I started to think of my life like one of the stories I put in my poems.

But my story was still at the beginning.

And I wanted to know how it ends.

So when I got out of the hospital I picked my notebook back up again and I turned my suicide note into this poem.

"Tell Renee, tell nurse Renee, tell Renee I said thanks.

Tell her I said thank you.

Tell my nephew, tell them all I said thank you, tell God I said send another one.

Everyday.

Tell chocolate I said thank you.

Tell Greek yogurt I'm back.

Tell them I am home, tell them I'm home, home is here, no matter what the shatter of the clatter I am here.

I am so present!

Tell God, whoever he or she or they are, thanks, but next time I won't be seeing them soon."

(cheering and applause).