My Grandparents’ War

They married in June 1940.

My mother was born a year later.

She didn't see Reggie for over three years, as he was sent to the Far East to fight the Japanese.

Their only contact were the letters that Reggie sent every week.

-They married in haste, like a lot of other people, because of the war.

-Yeah.

They both were 21 when they married.

-Right.

-While he was away in the war, he organized for red roses to be delivered to Mum every single anniversary.

And he did it all through their life.

-Wow.

Wow.

I suppose what I find kind of mind-blowing is the idea of citizens suddenly becoming soldiers.

You know, to be working as a brewer- it doesn't prepare you for jungle warfare.

-He never talked about the war, but one of the things that he did talk to me about once, I think it was probably when he was ill, before he died.

He just said, "You'll never know what it was like "to be in the jungle and to hear these voices "saying, 'Over here, soldier.

Come over here, -'British soldier.'"

-Yes, terrifying.

-And it must have been absolutely terrifying.

I remember when we had these long journeys to Little Haven, and I sat behind Daddy in the car.

And I noticed that there was this little mark at the back of his neck.

And I always wondered what it was.

And apparently it was a bullet wound.

- Oh, I thought it was here?

-Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

-There was something here, as well.

-But after the war, I think Mummy, like many, many, many women, found that her husband had changed.

-Yes.

And I remember Mummy kept on saying, he went one person -- patient, kind person, but he has returned troubled and broken, in a way.

And I was really very scared of him.

If I told the slightest little lie or something, he would tell, "Don't do that!"

And one of the punishments was not funny, but I'm saying it.

I'm sorry Dad, because we did make up eventually, and had a great time together.

He would put his car lights on and I'd have to stand on the wall in the garage.

The car lights on me, and he'd say, "Now tell the truth.

What have you done today?

-What's the lie?"

-I mean, that's like something out of the war, isn't it?

I mean- -Well that's what I mean.

Yes.

-Yeah.

-I mean, it's terrible.

I mean, you think of it now and it's just appalling.

-Appalling.

It's only now that we've just realized it was probably PTSD.

-Yes.

And the same for thousands and thousands of other people.

-Yeah.

-And, you know, now we recognize post-traumatic stress disorder.

It's something we can nail to all sorts of behavior, possibly.

If only Mum had realized that's what it was.