Lovejoy

[ Birds calling ] We're in Brighton on business.

Well, I am.

They're here for the ride.

Who can resist this town?

[ Birds calling ] [ Vehicles passing ] Oh.

Fond memories of youthful indiscretions.

JANE: Lovejoy!

And I might get a fish supper out of this.

Come on up.

The door's open.

The home of a Belgian baroness down on her luck.

Friend of Jane's.

Who isn't?

Just see if there's anything catches your eye apart from the damp.

Is this some kind of mission of mercy, Janey?

Not exactly.

She doesn't want handouts, but she's going through a rough patch, so handle with care.

Yeah.

Now, if there's anything at all, just... Yeah.

Louise, this is Lovejoy.

Baroness.

How nice of you to come, dear.

Would you care for a glass of cider?

Now, then, do please sit down.

What can I do to help you?

I was, uh, about to tell Lovejoy about your niece, Louise.

Oh, yes.

[ Chuckles ] Of course.

My grand-niece, Hettie's granddaughter.

Working in London and badly in need of a motor which doesn't blow up, like her first one did.

[ Clears throat ] Something around �1,000, perhaps?

Are they as much as that?

There's so much family history in this room.

Louise has led such a fascinating life.

Well, yes.

My sister Hettie and I were two jolly girls from Tonbridge who married two charming young brothers from the Belgian nobility.

Now I'm the sole survivor.

Louise's late husband was a hero of the Resistance.

Bless him.

Hettie's husband -- Well, it's not clear quite whose side he was on.

They stayed on in Belgium right through the war and after.

I'm afraid I broke the ties.

Hettie died at Christmas.

And that ugly thing was her parting shot to me.

I'm rather anxious to get rid of it.

�200 or �300 at the most.

Perhaps one should lower one's sights for a mo-ped for Antoinette.

Do you have anything else you'd like Lovejoy to have a look at while he's here?

Well, he -- he does seem very knowledgeable.

Baroness, where did you get this?

Oh, yes.

It was tucked in the drawer.

To be quite truthful, I'd forgotten all about it.

Though I did see one like it the other day, in the Lanes.

The crest is something to do with our family, I believe.

You can trace back a long way, can't you?

So the boys claimed, though I was rather more skeptical than my dear sister, whose life was always something of a fairy tale.

And we know how vicious they can be.

This shop in the Lanes -- Do you remember the name?

I'm afraid I don't.

Was it somewhere... in Duke Street?

Eric, Tink?

Work.

Wedgwood queensware, cream with green-leaf border, royal coat of arms in the middle, late 18th, early 19th century.

-You got that?

-Hey, Lovejoy -- Start looking.

-Lovejoy?

-Hmm?

-Nothing.

-No.

Nothing.

I've got it.

That's it, Eric.

Yeah.

30 quid.

That's the last of my holiday money.

-And it's got a chip in it.

-Tink?

Regency.

Probably commissioned for a special occasion.

A wedding, perhaps?

That is a royal crest.

Serious?

Absolutely.

Right.

You're off to Stoke now.

What, now?

Wedgwood Museum.

Check the records.

But a couple of dinner plates, whatever they are, they can't be worth that much, surely.

Who says these are the only ones?

We'll stay here, see if there are any more.

We'll see you back here tomorrow, quick as you can.

Lovejoy.

There's a problem.

[ Clears throat ] Is the lady of the house in?

She's having a rest.

I'm just doing some tidying up.

Oh, you've found it!

May be onto treasure, Janey -- real treasure.

But, uh, there's a problem.

[ Beeping ] Olwyn.

She'd give us a bed for no charge if I ring her up.

Who's Olwyn?

She's an old love of mine from the '60s.

She was clairvoyant to the rich and famous.

You'd get on very well with her, Lovejoy.

�250.

-That's your lot.

-Oh, thank you.

Now I must leave you.

Have fun, boys.

Oh, just a minute.

Janey, where are you staying tonight?

With Louise.

I've, um, I've had an idea.

Why don't I book us a suite at the Grand?

What?

You know, that's what it's all about, isn't it, Janey?

I mean, Brighton.

Nostalgia.

The old magic.

Maybe for you.

Never for you?

Never?

You're missing out, Janey.

No, Lovejoy.

You know where I am if you need me tomorrow.

I like the sound of this Olwyn.

Do you think if I asked her, she'd read my tarot?

Play your cards right, she'd feel your bumps.

Hello!

Ah!

Tinker, my dearest, I saw you coming.

Olwyn!

-Mm!

-Mm!

-Wikkle-wikkle -Cootchie-wootchie.

TINKER: [ Laughs ] Uh, oh.

Sorry.

Olwyn, this is Lovejoy.

This is Eric.

They'd like a bed for the night.

Just the one.

Oh, just the one?

Yes.

I have to go to Stoke-on-Trent.

And I have a previous engagement.

Have fun, Eric.

Well, where will I find you?

Tomorrow, Grand Hotel, 10 a.m. Nice meeting you, Olwyn.

See you sometime.

Farewell, the tranquil mind, farewell, content.

Well, as it's just the two of us, why don't we have some champagne and you can tell me all about yourself?

[ Chuckles ] LOVEJOY: Yoo-hoo!

LOUISE: Oh, what a treat.

LOVEJOY: So, do you know what happened to the rest of the service, Baroness?

Well, dear, I think it was the one that got hurled in the lake.

-Lake?

-During the war.

You see, Hettie's home was occupied by German soldiery, which made it a most unhappy time for anyone or anything that was British.

The soldiers apparently quite wantonly skimmed the plates across the water one night when they were drunk.

And now, apparently, they are bobbing up in Brighton.

Yes.

Isn't that wonderful?

LOVEJOY: Mm.

Baroness, you didn't find any pudding plates or pepper pots in the drawers of the credenza, did you?

No.

Nothing.

And the credenza was shipped here from Hettie's home in Belgium by a local shipper from Brighton or...

Yes, a local firm, I-I do believe.

Do you know the name?

LOUISE: Oh, Lord.

I shall have to rummage.

But if they all went into the lake, Lovejoy -- No, I-I did hear some of the grandchildren fished them out years later.

But Hettie was in a home by then.

Oh, look at this chaos!

-[ Bell ringing ] -Oh, God.

The dinner.

Excuse me.

LOVEJOY: Excuse me.

Is that feasible -- the plates were fished out of the lake by the grandchildren, stored away and forgotten?

Then Hettie died, the house was sold, and they were disposed of at local auction.

Common enough.

Is that turbot?

Oh, sea bass.

Oh, I love sea bass.

Only enough for two, I'm afraid.

And there's no spare bed here, Lovejoy.

I don't take up a lot of room, you know.

Try your suite at the Grand.

Ha!

Oh!

Are you leaving so soon?

-Yes, I am.

-Yes, he is.

[ Indistinct conversations ] [ Telephone ringing ] Cecil.

Nice to have you back, sir.

Old school.

Never forgets a face.

Usual room, sea view, special rates.

You are a wag, sir.

[ Both chuckle ] [ Vacuum cleaner humming ] [ Chuckles ] Sleep well, Lovejoy?

What's this, then, uh, �200 a night, including breakfast?

[ Laughs ] Eric... Well, I had poached haddock and scrambled eggs for my breakfast.

I had my tarot cards read last night.

Eric...

Things are looking up.

How about you?

Eric, just... just get me to a bathroom, Eric.

You should've stayed at Olwyn's last night.

What a woman.

What a night.

And I've been working this morning, and I've found another plate.

Why didn't you buy it?

Well, you and Tinker had all the money.

[ Groaning ] [ Bell chimes ] What's that, Eric?

Six pieces, 140 quid.

This is �50.

50 quid.

I mean, I could pick this up in any flea market for a fiver.

It's Spode, sir.

Very delicate.

Spode?

Do you ever sell anything in here with these prices?

-It has been known.

-Yeah.

Well, it's gonna be my granny's 90th birthday, and she does love a nice bit of china.

So have you anything for about, what, 20 quid?

That is �45, sir.

[ Chuckles ] Says �20 to me.

It says �45.

Oh, go on, Lovejoy.

She'll love it.

Ah.

Uh, what about this?

Yeah.

This, uh, this nymphet -- How much is this?

Oh, well, I rather fear she's beyond your range.

�200.

Is that for the whole night?

If it's not an impertinent question, why are you playing the innocent?

You're one of us, aren't you?

What do you mean?

In the trade, sir.

[ Chuckles ] You've been rumbled, Lovejoy.

You're a little off your patch, Mr. Lovejoy.

Now, has something caught your eye in particular?

[ Bell chimes ] Well, you have effectively informed the whole town.

-Thank you, Eric.

-It's not my fault, is it?

It was that line about the nymphet.

We'll have to get Tinker to go in if we ever see him again.

Meanwhile, more serious looking.

Oh, I can't give you much time, Lovejoy.

I've got to meet Olwyn at 12:00.

Charlie Gimbert, please.

Hello, Charlie.

Does the name Lovejoy ring any bells?

Nice to have you with us again, Mr. Gimbert.

Nice to be back, Cecil.

Look after her for me, will you?

Oh.

The Roller, I mean.

[ Laughs ] She's safe with us, sir.

Quite balmy for the time of year, isn't it?

[ Laughs ] So where is he?

Olwyn predicted he'd be here at 5:30.

-He rang and told her, actually.

-Lads!

My bonny lads!

Have I a round, unvarnished tale to tell!

-So what have you got for us?

-Quick.

We're just in time.

Follow me!

Come on!

Frank!

Tinker!

I need a favor, old son.

Oh, no.

We're just closing.

It'll only take five minutes.

Come on.

For old times' sake.

"This was the start of an incredible journey by our dinner service, from early 19th-century Regency Brighton, or Brighthelmstone, as it then was, by land and sea through at least two world wars and back again to Brighton.

Commissioned by the Prince Regent for the wedding of his beloved daughter Princess Charlotte and her handsome young Prince Leopold of Saxe-Coburg."

"February 13th, 1817, Queen's ware, Staffordshire, board of Josiah Wedgwood, potter to Her Majesty."

Hang on a minute.

And this is our plate?

Oh, it's the full inventory.

Look.

Six round bowls at five shillings and tuppence, 80 pieces in all, amounting to �218 and 4 pence.

"Returned to Belgium with Prince Leopold on the sad death of his beloved princess."

Tink, you've done us proud.

Oh, I think it calls for a dozen oysters and a bottle of Chablis, don't you, Lovejoy?

Absolutely.

[ Birds calling ] I've been looking for a birthday present for my Auntie Edith.

And this rather caught my eye.

It's beautiful, isn't?

Early 19th-century Wedgwood creamware.

-Really?

-Yes.

Commissioned for some European nobility.

You see the crest?

Oh.

Yes.

I say.

How much?

Um, �95.

I'll take it.

[ Paper rustling ] [ Bell chimes ] This profession is for rogues and opportunists, Lovejoy!

-Mammon!

-Oh, never a truer word spoken.

Lovejoy, I'm glad I found you.

The baroness has found the shipping agent's address.

Ah.

Yes, I remember the baroness.

I brought back a sideboard from Belgium for her.

Yeah.

It was a legacy from her late sister.

There wasn't anything else, was there?

Derek, watch how you go with that.

Sorry, Uncle.

It's just that she was expecting a little bit more.

-More what?

-Well, she really didn't know.

But family silver, plates -- you know.

I'm her nephew, by the way.

Oh.

Well, I am, as you see, into furniture, Mr. Lovejoy.

Belgian colleague asked me to do it as a favor, really.

Met him at an auction in Vivier.

CHARLIE: Hello, Lovejoy.

I should have sniffed you were in town, Charlie.

Small world.

Getting smaller.

LOOSEMORE: Oh, you two know each other?

Maurice Loosemore, Charles Gimbert.

I hope they're not giving you a hard time, Mr. Loosemore.

Mr. Gimbert and I are in the trade, Maurice.

Our paths have crossed before.

So...plates.

Um, I was wondering about this, uh, very interesting armchair, Mr. Loosemore.

Uh, Maurice, I-I'd like a word with you in your office, hmm?

[ Chuckles ] Where have I seen one like this before?

[ Door closes ] That chair.

Oh, you want the chair?

Oh, not for myself, Maurice.

The name's Martin.

I know a customer who will, Martin, and I think I know where to find one exactly like it.

-Oh, really?

-Mm.

So for a matching pair of chairs like that, what are we saying?

We're saying three, four grand, aren't we?

Mm.

So if you let me borrow that one for two or three days... Oh, yes.

I wasn't born yesterday, Lovejoy.

Oh, references, Martin.

Excuse me.

[ Chuckles ] Lady Jane... Felsham, my partner, who is staying with my auntie.

The Baroness.

Oh.

[ Chuckles ] The word in town, boys... was plates.

Is that why we're in a furniture emporium?

Yeah.

Come on, Charlie.

I mean, he uses these for dressing his...his dressers.

Oh, dear.

Silly me.

You know, what intrigues me, Charlie, is why you come all the way down to Brighton on a whisper that Lovejoy is after plates.

I come to Brighton for pleasure, Tinker.

What did you come for?

– LOVEJOY: Thank you, Martin.

-[ Door closes ] Excuse me, Charlie.

Gentlemen?

[ Door opens, closes ] Charlie!

Where have you been all day?

Working.

Oh, Charlie!

All right.

All right.

That's enough of all that.

Oysters and champagne tonight?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whatever you want.

Yeah.

Yes, we were partners.

Did he?

Well, yes, of course.

We still are.

A chair?

I'm sorry.

Who is this speaking?

Ah.

I see.

Yes, it'll be quite safe, Mr. Loosemore.

Have no worry.

Goodbye.

Champagne, darlings.

Ah, Olwyn, my darling, you look lovely.

Give me a squeeze.

[ Chuckles ] Olwyn was the one that got away.

No finer meal in town, Olwyn.

You'll be staying tonight?

Uh, alas, no.

Um, unfinished business.

[ Chuckles ] Concerning Lady Jane, is it?

I don't think she'll be very impressed with that broom cupboard.

Well, thank you very much, Eric.

May I use the phone, Olwyn?

Through here.

-You'll miss the entertainment.

-Yeah.

Olwyn's gonna look into her crystal ball and try to tell us where the rest of the plates are.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, thank you.

You don't believe I can do it, do you?

You don't believe in my profession.

If they believe you, I do.

Barking.

Not at all, sir.

Only too glad to help.

[ Laughs ] Well, I'll report back to you.

Mr. Lovejoy, please.

I don't think he's in.

Could you try all the same?

Certainly, madam.

Well... Mm...

I see the war in Europe... ...a house by a lake... and a gracious lady weeping.

A dinner service wantonly destroyed.

Nothing so remarkable yet.

I told her all that.

I see another gracious lady -- elderly, recounting this tale.

And now I see a merchant dealing in a small Belgian town.

He takes a sideboard with plates in it and box full of crockery from a house clearance -- that same house by the lake.

He pays �100.

I told her that, too.

OLWYN: He brings them to his warehouse.

He... [ Gasps ] He has...

He has an apprentice... nephew... working with him.

Julius... Julian... MAN: [ Echoing ] Derek!

Derek.

Derek.

Derek.

He has a stall in the market, Saturdays.

He takes some to sell.

Ignorant boy!

I didn't tell her that.

Two dealers.

Yes.

Dealers.

And a traffic warden, female.

A clown, a juggler... ...and an angry lady... now having an argument.

Oh, she's so angry with him.

With the juggler?

Crash!

Clatter!

Oh!

Smashed.

Plane.

A plane.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Where's the plane crashed?

What plane crash?

She's going.

[ Moans ] Off her trolley.

Have a drink.

Drink.

Come on.

Loosemore's nephew.

He's called Derek.

[ Bell chimes ] [ Woman laughing ] [ Speaking indistinctly ] Charlie, come on!

Yes.

Just a moment, please.

Uh, Cecil, could I trouble you for a moment, please?

Indeed you can, Mr. Gimbert.

This chair.

I'd like to buy it.

The chair, sir?

Well, I shall have to speak to the manager.

CHARLIE: Of course you must.

Telephone him now, would you, please?

Thank you.

Don't you ever rest from business, Charlie?

Prepare for the night of your life, my darling.

That's a promise.

[ Laughs ] Men.

[ Laughs ] Oh, yes.

Excuse me.

CECIL: Could I speak to Mr. Horrocks, please?

Oh, uh, good evening, sir.

It's Cecil speaking.

A-A guest has inquired about one of our chairs.

Gilt wood, scroll back.

The gilt wood, scroll -- Mm, yes.

By the main staircase.

I'm going upstairs, Charlie.

Don't be long.

The guest wants to know if it's for sale.

CHARLIE: I'll talk to him.

CECIL: No, no, no.

Best let me, sir.

As you -- As you wish.

The manager is asking your price.

Uh, shall we say �700 for cash?

�700, sir.

Yes indeed.

Yes?

Oh.

Oh.

The manager says that only this morning somebody else was making a similar inquiry.

Because there appears to be... another one in Brighton, which makes a pair.

Which raises the price to?

Good gracious.

�4,000 or �5,000.

Well, that does surprise me.

Uh -- Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm.

He feels that in view of this, he cannot let it go for less than �1,500.

And you can see his point, sir.

You can indeed.

Tell him �1,350.

�1,350, sir?

Cash?

On the desk.

Yes.

Uh, I'm -- I'm sure he's delighted, sir.

[ Chuckles ] And a very good evening to you, sir.

The chair is yours, Mr. Gimbert, for �1,350 -- cash.

[ Grunts ] [ Chuckles ] Yes.

Cecil has pulled it off, sir.

[ Chuckles ] Indeed he has.

Excuse me.

Lovejoy, what are you up to?

It's criminal.

No, it's not.

I sold a chair.

-It wasn't there.

-It was there.

What, in two places at once?

I get a call from a man I've never heard of -called Lushmore... -Loosemore.

...at my friend's house, a number given in confidence, asking me to guarantee the sale of a chair.

I was borrowing it, not buying it.

So you could work some beastly trick.

Gimbert was onto us.

It was a diversionary tactic.

What do you think he'll do now when he finds out?

He's bought it.

A bit over the odds, maybe.

But that's the name of the game.

I'll split the profits with Loosemore, Janey, won't I?

-Morning, Lovejoy.

-Morning.

Listen.

About that chair.

Tink, please.

I haven't got time for it now.

-There's something bugging me.

-No.

There's no time.

We've got work to do, including you, Janey.

Keep your eyes skinned for a juggler.

-What?

-Oh, and Olwyn.

We need Olwyn.

Come on!

On your bikes!

Ah.

Charles Gimbert here.

I want that chair -- gilt wood, scroll back.

600 quid.

Oh, yes.

Uh, Mr. Gimbert.

Um, I'm afraid it isn't here at the moment.

Not there?

Where is it?

It's out.

You sold it to Lovejoy.

Uh, no, no.

I haven't sold it.

Uh, you want it?

By lunchtime?

Well, um, that -- that's difficult.

I'm a busy man.

But, um, if you give us a bell late afternoon -- I'll be seeing you, Mr. Loosemore.

Charlie, visit the dolphins, then?

They're not there.

They've gone -- back to their natural habitat.

Oh!

But you promised.

Eric!

I've got two more soup plates, 45 quid the pair.

Well, I've got four dinner plates, two oval dishes, one jug, one sauce boat, and two vegetable dishes for 50 quid!

[ Laughs ] Oh, she's off.

Excuse me.

What -- What are you doing?

Take your hands off me.

Do you -- Do you have a plate like this?

-Yes, I do.

-Have you got it with you?

WOMAN: I haven't got it with me, no.

[ Indistinct conversations ] Of course, the taste for extravagant baroque and rococo designs were almost gone by the late 1770s.

Profuse decoration, vivid color, heavy gilding were replaced by simpler neoclassical designs.

How much do we need to be in business, Selwyn?

Well, obviously, the more pieces the merrier.

But I can't promise anything until I see them, naturally.

You've got a customer.

There is a man in Philadelphia.

-He'll be jumping over the moon.

-Yeah.

Meanwhile, back on this planet, if we have, say, 15 pieces like this, what are we saying?

Um, 40 grand?

50?

More?

It will, of course, depend upon the condition.

Well, not mint, I hope.

I mean, 170-odd years -- That's a lot of washing up.

Now, look, Lovejoy.

I'm not going to pull a fast one on you.

Of course you're not, Selwyn.

But if you pull these deal together... 20%?

17 and a half.

Oh, must we talk in vulgar fractions?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Send the bill over.

Ladies.

Janey.

Janey!

Oh!

Who's a clever girl?

That's terrific!

Do you want to join us?

No.

I just want to put this somewhere safe.

My suite?

Louise's.

I'll see you there in 15 minutes.

-Okay.

-Just, uh, mind how you go, eh?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, this was going to be my treat, Selwyn, but it's very kind of you.

Thank you.

[ Telephone ringing ] [ Sighs ] Still no reply.

You and Lovejoy, you set me up, didn't you?

Are you picking an argument?

Your plates.

Where are they from?

People interested in plates all of a sudden.

Picked a stack of them up from Belgium the other week.

They're worthless.

They're -- They're just dressing.

You sell any of these in town?

The boy took some down to his stall in the market.

Yeah.

They went pretty quick.

You didn't tell me that.

These?

That's one of them.

T-There was others, different.

-Listen to me, sonny.

-Hey.

I want to know every single person you sold one of these to.

You understand?

I-I don't remember, Mr. Gimbert, honest.

J-Just punters.

Faces, occupations, distinguishing marks.

I want to know what they had for breakfast.

The boy can't remember.

One was a traffic warden.

Female.

She had a mole on her cheek.

Another... Another was a bloke.

I've seen him about.

Juggler.

Juggler?

Yeah.

But -- But they're not worth nothing.

Look at the mark.

Look.

Wadgwood, not Wedgwood.

Fake, eh?

Yeah.

Hey!

Aren't you going to pay for that?

He said it was worthless, didn't he?

Well, Tink, a touch of the washing-up liquids, and I think we're in business.

Our culinary heritage, Lovejoy.

You couldn't begin to put a price on it.

-Lovejoy?

-Mm?

Wadgwood.

TINKER: Sometimes Wedgwood, sometimes Wadgwood.

Marked in error at the Wedgwood factory, but still the real thing.

ERIC: So it's not a problem, then?

For clarification, read The Wedgwoodian, April 1980, Leonard S. Rakow.

So clever of you all to have found it.

What about another glass of sherry?

Allow me, ma'am.

And all yours, Louise.

Uh, Jane, a word?

Excuse us, Baroness.

Hers?

Yes, of course.

Her family heirlooms.

What family?

Don't be obtuse, Lovejoy.

Jane, if I hadn't opened this drawer, none of this would've ever happened.

They're ours.

Strictly speaking, they're Olwyn's, and -- Tink, shut up.

Janey.

Auntie over there didn't even know they existed till I walked in.

She doesn't even know their real value.

I don't believe I'm hearing this.

What?

You find them by a lucky chance, you sell them on, you take a percentage.

That's normal business practice.

No, no.

Not in this case.

In this case, we share the spoils.

This little enterprise took work, Janey.

Took work, took nous, took skill, took investment -- your investment, our hard work.

I mean, I'm worth my labor.

And the moral question?

What?

Oh, come on, Janey.

You know this game as well as I do.

To know there's no honor among thieves, apparently.

Don't use that word with me, lady.

Lovejoy, I have known you a long time.

I've seen you do some shady things, and I've forgiven you more often than I should.

But on this one, with my friend, an old lady you know to be in trouble, I draw the line.

I'm sorry, but if you've just voiced your true feelings on the matter, then I consider our partnership, from this moment, dissolved.

What partnership?

Excuse me.

[ Door slams ] Now, that is one angry lady.

-Angry lady.

-Angry lady.

Now, the total outlay for the dinner service so far is about 300 quid.

Now, let's say for the sake of argument that it's worth 50 grand.

Now, Selwyn takes his cut of 17.5% and takes -- -Eric.

-Yeah?

Shut up.

[ Sighs ] This hasn't been fun, Charlie.

Off that chair.

It's cost me an arm and a leg, that, you know.

Sprawling all over it.

[ Chuckles ] Did you hear what I said?

[ Knock on door ] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie.

Yes.

I heard what you said.

And I'm satisfied.

Satisfied?

I think I've got what I want.

-Charlie?

-Mmm?

You are a rotten bastard.

[ Both laugh ] CHARLIE: [ Barking ] WOMAN: [ Laughing ] Where are you taking it?

Lovejoy will be here to collect it.

To sell it?

I'm not sure.

But he knows best what to do.

You've had a tiff.

It's a little more complicated than that.

You're in love with him.

Why, good heavens, no.

It's just something that happens in partners-- relationships eventually, I suppose.

Jane, my dear.

This china isn't mine.

I don't need it.

You've spent far too much time looking after me.

I should hate the dinner service to come between you and Lovejoy.

Now go and find him, make it up, and have some fun.

Go on.

The plate.

What have you done with it?

What?

The plate!

Nothing.

Oh!

He must've taken it.

Who must have?

The waiter.

You told him to take it away.

You did, Charlie.

[ Door opens, closes ] [ Clattering ] Oh, God!

Oh, let her play her saintly games.

We're not gonna lose out on this one.

Where's that traffic warden live?

-Preston Park.

-And how much was that plate?

The price of three parking tickets.

-A bit steep.

-Oh, get it.

And find that bloody juggler.

Back in the bar in half an hour.

[ Telephone ringing ] No luck?

Luck?

Plates everywhere down there.

There's some banquet on here tonight.

Well, what's so special about it?

Lovejoy wants it.

That's what's special about it.

And he owes me.

After that chair scam, he owes me.

He's probably up there now, counting them out in his room.

Well, I'll give him plates.

That's it.

You could go and fetch one.

Yes.

Yes.

Pay him a visit.

-Visit?

-Yes.

-Wheedle one out.

-What?

You want me to do what?

Do what you're best at, my darling.

-Flutter your little bum at him.

-Flutter my bum?

But I-I don't know Lovejoy.

I've never met him.

Well, now is your chance to find out.

All right.

What's his room number?

I haven't got his number.

Uh, staff only, fourth floor.

Just the one plate, is it?

Just the one.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Who are you?

Yvonne.

I'm with Charlie.

Oh!

And how is Uncle Charlie?

-He's a beast.

-Tiger?

Skunk!

That's his aftershave.

And there's nothing here -- no plates.

Oh, no.

They're well out of his thieving reach.

[ Sobs ] Would you like to tell Uncle Lovejoy all about it?

He's been following you about.

A-And he's get one of your plates off the shipping man.

He was really gloating about it.

Horrible!

[ Sobs ] Lovejoy?

Lovejoy?

So sorry.

Jane!

Oh, Jane.

Ja-- Oh.

And we didn't even get to see the dolphins!

And then he got mad because he lost the plate.

It got cleared off down to the kitchen.

-And he sent me -- -What?

-Plate?

-Yeah.

-Kitchen?

-Yeah.

-Here?

-Yeah.

-Now?

-Yeah.

[ Clattering ] Oh, that's all we need -- Lovejoy's tangled love life.

Lovejoy!

Eric, you're working tonight.

-Cecil will kit you out.

-What?

Shall we find something for you to slip into?

Tink, this is Yvonne.

Don't ask.

What, from the traffic warden?

Terrific.

If there's any more in the warehouse, we'll pick them up tomorrow.

Now, I'd just like to sit down... -With a large gin.

-Absolutely.

...and discuss our course of action for the evening.

You, I don't want to worry about that terrible Charlie Gimbert anymore.

Um, come and tell me about that terrible Charlie Gimbert.

-Janey, I'm... -I...

I've found the juggler.

Eric!

The game's afoot!

I'll meet you at Olwyn's if and when you've completed your mission.

Suits you.

[ Laughs ] [ Clattering ] [ Cheers and applause ] No.

None of them are ours.

CHARLIE: Lovejoy!

Charlie!

[ Laughs ] Bastard!

How much is it worth to you, Lovejoy?

I'll kill him.

Lovejoy... LOVEJOY: Can't stop now, Janey.

Who's saying you should?

Charlie!

[ Laughs ] Charlie!

Yes.

Charlie!

-Charlie!

-[ Glass shattering ] You're a philistine, Charlie.

Hear, hear.

You robbed me, Lovejoy.

I'm gonna give you a little lesson in manners.

I'll give you �300 for what you've got in your hands.

Not a penny less than �750, the balance for my Regency chair.

�400.

�600.

�500.

Done.

Sometimes money isn't everything, Lovejoy.

[ Laughs ] You can stuff your rotten weekend!

And your rotten job!

You're rotten all through!

You're rotten all through, Charlie!

Horrible man!

Horrible!

Olwyn?

Yes, darling?

What do you really see in that crystal of yours?

I've always wanted to know.

I see the past, the present, and sometimes the future.

But what if it's, um... -Bleak?

-Yeah.

Well, then I just... tell a little fib.

But I think on this one you could say I surpassed myself, don't you?

You certainly did.

[ Waves breaking ] Lady Felsham.

Thank you.

I overreacted.

Oh, yes, you did.

I mean, Yvonne was only looking for protection from Gimbert.

-Not Yvonne.

-Hmm?

Louise and her dinner service.

Janey, you know I'll see the baroness right, don't you, hmm?

Yes.

And I'll give Olwyn a little something.

Sort your expenses out.

We'll still have change from a fiver.

So what will you do with it, then?

When it comes to you and me and some chipped crockery, the crockery wins every time.

You know that, don't you?

Hmm?

No.

We'll sell it via Selwyn, take our cut.

It's a shame it has to go to Philadelphia.

Olwyn said she'd seen it back at the Pavilion.

Olwyn's not infallible, you know.

I mean, what about the plane crash?

What plane crash?

Exactly.

What plane crash?

[ Laughter ] Hey, Lovejoy!

Lovejoy, I've got it!

-Whoa!

-[ Laughing ] Oh!

Plate crash!

Plate crash, not plane crash.

Well, it was near.

Well, at least we got one over on Gimbert with the chair.

That's been really taxing my brain -- Gimbert's chair.

I remember where I saw its twin.

It's when you sent me out for that plate, Lovejoy.

[ Indistinct conversations ]