Getting Dot Older

(waves crashing) - Susan, I have your groceries here.

- Oh, I'm so happy with that.

- When you're standing in front of pyramids that have stood thousands of years, it really puts things into perspective.

- I'm still excited about life and I'm looking for musicians and I'm singing at the local pub.

- I've gotta go back.

We will celebrate this coming Monday 34 years together.

- Wow.

- And it's the third time for each of us.

(gentle upbeat music) - Welcome to "getting dot OLDER," the new TV series where Americans over 50 share intimate, personal revelations about aging.

I'm your host, Roberto Mighty.

This series interviews people live and online and asks everyone the same questions like number six: if I could go back in time and counsel my younger self, I'd tell me to... And number 21: in the next 10 years... You can answer these questions on our online survey.

So join us, stay tuned on TV, and I'm looking forward to hearing your story online.

(upbeat music) In our Boomer Passion segment, Claire helps the elderly.

Gwen travels the world solo.

Twyla sings, writes poetry and paints.

Harvey is on his third marriage.

Viewers share revealing answers to our survey and our Boomer Quiz is about this award-winning actress.

My next guest lives in California.

Twyla is involved in the arts, teaching and volunteering.

So did you mention that you started singing when you were two or three years old, is that?

- Yes.

- With your grandmother?

- With my grandmother.

- So did you perform all throughout your youth?

- Off and on.

- Twyla's cheerful demeanor masks significant childhood stress.

- I believe that it was just this, what's the word I wanna say?

As a young woman, there was a way I was supposed to behave.

I couldn't get angry, I could cry.

I mean, there was a lot of specifics and if that anything that went on in our home happened that was, we were raised around domestic violence.

We were raised around alcoholism and you couldn't say anything about what anything happened so it was suppressed.

- Twyla has had a long career as an educator.

She shared a particularly powerful teaching experience.

- I was fortunate enough, and it was not anything I believed that I made a goal, but it was one of my most wonderful experiences.

I got to teach at the local prison.

They had a big event where they were starting to bring in more education and so it was inmate education.

We could only go in for a certain time.

I taught intercultural public speaking, debate, and I know that one person said one time, it's like, "Well, why are you teaching us how to talk?

We know how to talk."

I said, "Well, I'm thinking if you don't wanna talk like a thug for the rest of your life."

(both laughing) But there was this kind of congeniality because when I was first in, I think they just had to kinda test me and see where I was.

- The incarcerated men wanted to see if she was willing to make a serious commitment and if she was going to stand up for what she believed in.

- So they really got where they couldn't get me started because I realized that they were teaching me something about where they came from.

I understood some things about men, especially men who live in really difficult circumstances are going on in America.

- Right.

- Pretty interesting.

- Yeah, that's fascinating.

Well, I applaud you for teaching in a prison.

I ran a volunteer program to a prison in Massachusetts when I was a student, an undergraduate.

Twyla established a rapport right away and had a magical moment.

- And so the first day I was there they were kinda like, "Well, you're just here for the money."

I go, "What?

Are you kidding me?

It's not that much."

But anyway.

(both laughing) So they just kinda, I think they have to kind of find out who you are.

- Right.

- And so I said, "Listen, it's my birthday today and if I didn't wanna be here, I wouldn't."

Immediately, 22 men in orange sang me "Happy Birthday."

- Ah, that's so beautiful.

- I gotta tell ya, I'll never forget that.

- What a great image.

What a great image.

- All these tough-looking guys singing "Happy Birthday."

- Oh my gosh.

- Twyla came to the prison to teach, but she was also willing to learn and brought elements of her background to her work.

- They taught me so much and I've always used art and cultural differences in the classes I teach because I said, "You know, we can even be the same color and grow up in the same town, we are not gonna be alike."

– Question number 19: my children are... - I can't even say because I thought they've really kind of closed me out of their lives.

They don't have time for me anymore.

We all live in different states and everything, but it's just that thing where I tried to interweave some positive things in my household that would keep us closer and I just find them, they don't want anything to do with extended family.

They don't want anything to do with much time or talking with me and so I just feel like I have to accept that, they're making their choices.

- About how old, what age range are they?

- Thirties.

- Nowadays Twyla paints, sings, writes poetry and acts in local theater.

Here she is in a brief clip with Dr. Rod Harris on piano doing a song by Irving Berlin.

It had to be you It had to be you I wandered around and I finally found Somebody who Could make me be true (waves crashing) - Susan, I have your groceries here.

- Oh, I'm so happy with that.

(upbeat music) Ah, can't you see that look in my eyes We're running out of time We're running out of time Can you hear it when I talk to you There's something going on inside I don't know what I got to do I don't know what I got to say I don't know (gentle upbeat music) - Here's a viewer survey response from Lucy who worries about getting older.

Here's her response to survey question number four.

The thing I hate most about my age now is... Lucy says, "The thing I hate most about my age now is I look ahead and realize that I don't have a lot of years of good cognitive function if I've inherited my mother's genes."

Now, Lucy, you're not alone in that.

Many baby boomers are concerned about parents with dementia and we worry that it might be hereditary.

Now, Lucy also answered question number 10.

The most profound life transition I've had was... Lucy says, "The most profound life transition I've had was recovering from the loss of my husband to a much younger girl, 40 years of age difference.

After 38 years of marriage, he was my best friend and the betrayal made me doubt myself in regards to my judgment, my gullibility, and my picture of reality."

Lucy, I can't imagine the hurt you experienced.

I'm so sorry for that loss and thank you for sharing.

My next guest was born in a steel town, grew up on the East Coast, and now lives in a retirement community deep in the woods of Mendocino, California.

- I should tell you, I'll start by saying this.

My formal name is Harvey Buchanan Chester IV.

- Whoa.

- There were three of them before me and we were on both sides of my family, maternal and paternal, from Pittsburgh.

I was born there, and as an infant, we moved from Pittsburgh, my family and I, to Connecticut.

- After college and serving in the military, Harvey went on to a successful career in nonprofit program development, but there were some challenges along the way.

- I got married early and I got married young.

We ended up living in Chicago, the mother of our children and I, and over the course of 14, 15 years, four children are born.

We now have four adult children who are in their 50s and 60s.

Each one of 'em is an absolutely remarkable soul.

They're all different and all very, very wonderful and skilled in their own ways.

And after being together for a certain period of time, I walked away.

I mean, I walked out of their lives and sort of went into the rest of what was going on in my life.

And I guess it's fair to tell you, because part so much of, I don't know if this is something you wanna hear about, but part and parcel of all of this, if I'm gonna be realistic about what was going on is that from the age of 17 until the age of 47, I was an actively involved alcoholic.

- Ah-huh.

- And I am now 37 years in recovery from all of that, I'm happy to tell you.

- Congratulations, that's terrific.

- Well, it saved my life and the long and short of a lot of what I'm discussing in terms of what went on from the marriage forward was marked by a lot of that, a lot of the difficulties that sort of come along with somebody who's in that kind of condition.

- Right, sure, sure.

How is it that you've managed 37 years of sobriety?

I mean, how did you go from being an active alcoholic to sobriety?

- One day, it all...

This is the way I put it.

I was trying to deal with life, I call it, dealing with life on life's terms and not doing very well in my solution to doing that was to use alcohol as a sort of mind and mood-altering substance that would somehow or another make that all better and it never did.

And one day, all I can tell you is this.

One day I got what we call the gift of desperation and somebody said to me, who knew me well, "Would you like some help?"

And I said, "Yes."

And I can't tell you anything more.

There's no more, there's a mystique to all that, but I can't make it any more sort of specific.

Just got to the point where, for me, what I was doing was simply not working and there are all kinds of gory details that I won't add in, but the long and short of it was I just came to the end of sort of that, the time came and someone was there, somebody was there remarkably to say, "You know if you want some help, we can get it for you."

And I was given the help I needed and it started a whole brand new life for me which has been utterly remarkable.

- That's great.

You know, first of all, I did wanna hear this story and I really thank you for sharing it because I'm sure that when this airs, there are gonna be lots of people who are either still in the throes of drinking and drugging, right?

- Yes.

- Drinking or drugging.

- Yes.

- Or people who have come through it, and either way, I think your sharing your story is really important, especially because, I mean, a man who can afford to have a house on 20 acres, you know, and now, that proves that you came through all that and have been certainly financially successful.

- Well, I've been, let me add something to that.

You know, I don't work anymore, but I also have been joined in all of that by a very, very generous partner who's been part and parcel to all that and she made, and you know, the resources that she brought and shared with me have made this possible for both of us and it's the third time for each of us.

The third time was the charm for each of us.

(Roberto chuckles) - Harvey and his new partner, Sandra, built a wonderful relationship and moved up to Mendocino 34 years ago, but I wondered how things turned out with his estranged children.

Now, earlier you mentioned that you became estranged from your children at a certain point.

- Yes.

- And now you've just mentioned that you're in their lives, so what happened to repair that rift?

- I made it my business to reach out to them and to do what we do, which is making amends, and to try and listen to them in terms of what they expressed to me about what had happened amongst us all.

And through all of this, to her absolute distinction, the mother of the children, who had every reason in the world to be pretty bitter about me, has not ever tried to turn the children against me, so the prospect of our rebuilding our relationship was maintained, was always held open.

And so when I became clear again and when I became less selfish, I'll be very specific about this, I made it a point to reach back into their lives to see if they were interested in our getting our relationships mended and healed and they were and we did.

- At the age of 84, Harvey meets with other men in recovery on a regular basis and is part of the team that manages the retirement community he and Sandra are part owners of.

But what about you?

Have you experienced, or are you dealing with addiction?

How has that affected your loved ones?

Are you struggling with how to make amends or how to heal strained relationships?

(gentle upbeat music) Here's a viewer survey response from Akua who writes that she became paralyzed at age 53 and that killed many dreams, plans and endeavors.

But listen to this.

Here's Akua's answer to question number 21.

In the next 10 years... She says, "In the next 10 years, I will write several collections of poetry."

Akua, I'm not gonna lie, I can't imagine what it's like to be paralyzed, but it's great to hear about your upcoming poetry collection and we'd love to check out some of your poetry when you're done with it.

My next guest is an author, a motivational speaker, and a philanthropist.

I was curious about her journey.

- Well, I grew up in Norfolk, Virginia, and I've lived here all my life, except for about two or three years after I graduated from college, I moved to College Park, Maryland, and I was homesick, every weekend I was driving back home and I said, "I might as well just move back home."

So I moved back home and I joined the police department.

- Wow, okay.

(Gwendolyn laughs) - Yeah, I joined the police department to my surprise and everyone else's surprise, but I tell ya, it grew me up real quick.

- I guess it did.

Now, why was everyone surprised that you joined the police department?

- Because of my temperament and, you know, I was very shy and not very, the aggressive type.

It really matured me in a lot of ways and it showed me that I was stronger on many levels than what I thought I was.

- Gwendolyn was the police officer for about 10 years.

During that time, she gravitated toward local youth and the drug problems in their community.

- And I found myself, you know, talking with them and I said, "I need some more skills to help these kids."

So I like to say that they inspired me to go back to school to get a master's degree.

- Okay.

- In counseling.

- Wow.

- And I felt like I could use the counseling degree on the street and with the kids.

- Gwendolyn became a crisis counselor at the local high school and moved up from there, ultimately retiring as an assistant principal at age 57.

I can't imagine you're sitting on the couch all the time, right, so what are some of the things that you're enjoying doing while in your retirement?

- Well, Roberto, I've been very blessed to be able to travel around the world.

- Wow.

- And I did this prior to retirement.

So I've traveled to all continents except Antarctica and Australia and I've visited probably 26 different countries so far.

- Wow.

Now have you done this travel with other people, you know, with a partner or a spouse, with a church group, or by yourself?

How did you do all this travel?

- I've done escorted tours by myself, but being that it's a escorted tour, like if I was going to like, I've visited Israel.

I would go there and meet the group that was going to travel Israel during those dates and, you know, those people were from different parts of the world as well and so we would travel together for eight, 12 days, depending on how long the tour was.

- Gwendolyn's favorite destinations include Greece, Kenya, Costa Rica and Morocco.

I wondered if she felt safe traveling solo.

Some women have safety concerns about traveling alone or they have- - God had prepared me as a police officer so I think that freed me up.

And also, Roberto, I've spent time in the military too.

- As a former police officer and Coast Guard Reservist, Gwendolyn knew that she could protect herself physically, but beyond that, I wondered if she felt welcomed on her travels.

- Interesting you talk about traveling as an African-American.

I visited Egypt and everyone I visited in Egypt, they were calling me cousin.

(both laughing) "Hi, cousin."

You know, "Hi, cousin."

- That's wonderful.

- When I got back home I said, "Dad, I didn't know we had so many cousins all around the world."

- That's great.

- So people are very friendly, Roberto, no matter where you go around the world.

I've gone to China and just the kindnesses of people in general, even if you don't speak their language, so I encourage everyone that if you have the opportunity to travel, especially to other countries, I would encourage you to do it.

We're only here for a blink of an eye.

When you're standing in front of pyramids that have stood thousands of years, that really puts things into perspective.

- Dr. Gwendolyn Moss has written a book, which you can find online called, "Where is God?

Blessed Are The Pure in Heart For They See God."

But what about you?

Are you a traveler?

What are some of your favorite destinations and how has traveling changed your perspectives?

And by the way, if you are atheist, agnostic, deeply religious, how has that also affected your journeys and your life journey?

Please write and let us know.

For Season Two, we've conducted 39 new in-depth interviews with diverse baby boomers, coast to coast.

- And I told my mother, I says, and I'm crying, I says, "I almost drowned, I almost drowned."

This is the middle of wintertime, you know, and she turns to me and she goes, "Well, you didn't."

(both laughing) (upbeat music) - [Roberto] Just for fun, every Season Two episode includes a new Boomer Quiz, this time with engaging archival images and more questions to test our audiences' Boomer IQ.

For Season Two, we're also introducing exciting new action segments called Boomer Passions.

Each half hour episode will contain one of these original short films, two to five minutes long, about the hobbies, pastimes and passions of Americans after retirement.

- Thankfully, there's places like MSPCA.

- The father often work in restaurants from three o'clock on to midnight.

(saw buzzing) - To me, time, it doesn't mean anything.

- Susan, I have your groceries here.

- Oh, I'm so happy with that.

(gentle upbeat music) (gentle acoustic guitar music) (waves crashing) - My name's Claire.

I live in Swampscott, Massachusetts, and I'm a volunteer at Seaglass Village here in Swampscott.

- [Roberto] Seaglass Village is a community of neighbors helping each other age in place in their homes.

- Hi, Claire.

- Susan, how are you?

- [Susan] I am good, how are you?

- Susan, I have your groceries here.

- Oh, I'm so happy with that.

- Yeah, some beautiful lettuce.

- Wonderful lettuce, you know I love salad.

It's like my favorite.

- [Roberto] The nonprofit membership organization relies on volunteers who perform services such as transportation, light chores, and friendly visits.

- [Susan] So how have you been?

- I've been great.

I've been great, yeah.

- [Susan] And the weather is finally opening up so that we can sit out in the sunshine and enjoy.

- Yeah.

- [Roberto] As a volunteer, Claire was vetted, Cori'd and trained to perform simple, helpful tasks.

- Primarily right now I'm driving people.

I help people get to their appointments if they can't drive for some reason or another, and take them to the doctors or to the hairdresser or to an x-ray, dentist, something like that.

- [Roberto] Seaglass Village is part of a worldwide movement that started 20 years ago on Boston's Beacon Hill.

- It became so popular, people kept wanting to know about it, and so the village movement is about 350 villages strong now and more and more are growing on a daily basis, and frankly, I think every town in America should have a village, and actually it's gone international already now too.

- [Roberto] Membership fees pay for professional staff, insurance, and other administrative costs.

For those in need, there are low-income grants available.

- We have grants from different organizations that help us out so that those folks can get the services they need.

- [Roberto] Anne Waymouth started volunteering after her personal experience with a family member.

- My elderly father needed help when then I heard about this organization so I was really aware of the needs, which I didn't know it until the simple things that my father needed help with, I realized that all elderly people need help.

- [Claire] So should we go in and put your groceries away?

- That would be great and then I'll make myself a giant salad.

- Okay, sounds delicious.

- Of course.

- [Roberto] Volunteers get the benefit of serving others.

- I would definitely recommend it.

You meet great people, you have a great sense of giving back by helping other people.

You learn about people's lives.

Many of them are so fascinating so I think it's a great adventure.

(upbeat music) - Thanks so much.

Please go to our website and take our survey and let us know if you're interested in doing a video call interview with me.

I am really looking forward to hearing your story online.

(gentle upbeat music) (gentle piano music) (gentle strings music) (gentle music) (PBS theme music)