Fate & Fabled

Klaatu barada nickels?

Klaatu barada nebuli!

-Uh, hey, Dr. McT.

-Hey, Dr. Z.

What ya doin'?

I'm reciting a spell from the "Necronomicon."

You know, the ""Book of the Dead"" from "Evil Dead: Army of Darkness."

Yeah, I see, but you're a little off there.

This episode is actually about the Egyptian "Book of the Dead."

And the "Evil Dead" franchise actually borrows from H.P.

Lovecraft, and "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

It has nothing to do with the Egyptian "Book of the Dead."

But what you've heard about that one...

Uh, like the "Mummy" movies?

Yeah, maybe if you could just give it to me, I can bring my gerbil chocolate chip back to life.

Yeah, I'm sorry, that's still not quite right.

That's a common misconception about the Egyptian "Book of the Dead."

It was never supposed to summon demons or bring the dead back to life.

It was actually a written guidebook for the deceased to help them get to the afterlife.

I see, but I'm not happy about it.

You can't judge a book or graveside by its cover.

[whimsical mysterious music] The "Book of the Dead" can be more accurately translated as "The Book of Coming Forth by Day," or "The Book of Emerging Forth into the Light," and was used from the beginning of the New Kingdom.

It was a collection of spells, incantations, and instructions intended to be used by the deceased to gain entry into a glorious afterlife.

And not just heaven as we commonly see it rendered today, but in fact to join the ranks of the mighty Gods themselves.

Also, the "Book of the Dead" wasn't really a book, but we'll get to that later.

And that's what this epic piece of Egyptian history really is: a handbook for the recently deceased.

Sans the be-striped bio-exorcist, of course.

There was no singular version that everyone used, and different people would often request specific inclusions that they felt would best get them through the trials-- like Madlibs, but for your soul.

In the Early Dynastic Period, most funerary sites in Egypt had no inscriptions at all, which likely indicates oral tradition dictated any ritual or funerary practice.

What evidence does suggest is that, universally, the body was ritually treated post-mortem and buried with artifacts, suggesting a belief in an afterlife.

The images depicted on temples dedicated to the Gods often show the Pharaoh performing daily ritual offerings.

These seem very similar to those described in later centuries funerary texts in relation to passage to the afterlife, which means we can't be totally sure what even indicated funerary concepts to begin with when we are relying on illustrations alone.

Decorated burial chambers and tombs became symbols of social, religious, and political power.

In the Third Dynasty, we see written inscriptions pop up.

Having a cool tomb might be a status symbol that could help preserve your legacy.

It also ensured your name was still spoken, an important concept to ancient Egyptians, but it wasn't required.

Only in the Fifth Dynasty do we see inscriptions that spoke of the deceased's life after death.

Called the "Pyramid Texts" today, the text in the Pyramid of Unas told of how the king could journey successfully into the afterlife.

By the First Intermediate Period, many of the original "Pyramid Texts," along with new spells and illustrations, were now painted or inscribed on the interior of coffins, rather than inside the Grand Tombs.

These are known as the "Coffin Texts."

They would become favored by the members of the upper echelon of Egyptian society, but only in the Middle Kingdom Period.

Funerary rights existed long before they were recorded in the Old Kingdom.

While we might refer to them as the "Pyramid Texts," "Coffin Texts, or even the "Book of the Dead" today, those are modern attributions.

Some of these rites would need to be performed, others not.

Just knowing they existed was sometimes enough, which is why having a scroll or illustration of the spells with you upon burial was helpful, but not necessary.

And I cannot stress this enough, rituals and spells in this context are different.

You needed to know the spell, but you had to do the ritual.

This means that you didn't have to physically have some copy of the spell on your body or burial items.

Someone could do the ritual for you.

And if you knew about the spell in life, presumably, that counted in death.

What mattered is that it was written down somewhere, and you knew about it.

By the New Kingdom Period of the 18th and 20th dynasties, descriptions of what the afterlife was supposed to be like were present in funerary texts and tombs.

Fun fact: a lot of the spells in the "Book of the Dead" likely had nothing to do with funeral rights at first.

That's not even the right name.

Ancient Egyptians called the written collection, "Spells for Going Out in Daylight," AKA, "How to Get to the Afterlife."

These spells were ever changing with corrections, redactions, and new additions.

They could be on papyrus scrolls, linens, walls, and other burial objects.

And it wasn't just the ultra wealthy or powerful that knew about them.

Heck, even they cut corners.

While some protective amulet spells outlined in the "Book of the Dead" were supposed to be in solid gold, only a handful of these have been found at grave sites, likely because of the expense.

More commonly, the mummies we found bore amulets of less expensive material like glazed ceramic, or just some gold gilding.

Even the famous King Tut's amulets weren't all solid gold.

Think of all the elaborate tombs, chockfull of everything someone could want in the afterlife as the bonus stuff.

It helped show wealth and status, and it couldn't hurt, but it wasn't required for entry.

It was also during this period that more written funerary texts as a whole emerged.

The whole lot was referred to as "Books of the Netherworld," despite the fact that there weren't any books.

Some of these weren't as positive as others.

The "Book of the Dead" is in general, not that grim.

The "Amduat," though?

That one is all doom and gloom, and monsters and torture.

You may have heard that the "Book of the Dead" dramatically changed the way ancient Egyptians viewed the afterlife.

That it suggested all people of any social strata could make it all the way to the best parts.

Some even refer to it as the democratization of the afterlife.

This theory dates back to the early 20th century scholarship, and was the consensus among Egyptologists and other scholars until very recently.

The conventional wisdom for a long time was that the "Book of the Dead" dramatically changed Egyptian perspectives of the afterlife.

But that's not exactly true.

There's actually a much longer history that indicates the "Book of the Dead" wasn't some pivotal shift, but more like a collection of funerary spells and practices most Egyptians had access to already.

Some scholars now argue that in the Old Kingdom, non-royals and non-elites also had access to equivalent funerary rituals and texts.

There was really no democratization of the afterlife, because there never needed to be.

Social access might have changed as politics and religious beliefs shifted, and there were certainly some who displayed their social status more extravagantly.

Of course, the King had special access and rights, including the ability to judge who could enter the afterlife.

But since they were seen as part divine, that's not unexpected.

The Egyptian afterlife was open to all, but a social hierarchy still existed.

One of the reasons a lot more people know about the "Book of the Dead," is because of one specimen in particular that was found mostly intact and well-preserved: the "Papyrus of Ani."

Who was Ani in the "Papyrus of Ani," you ask?

He was a scribe.

It was created sometime around 1250 BCE, or more specifically, the 19th dynasty of the New Kingdom.

Not only is the text dense with hieroglyphics, it also features various vignettes of Ani himself, as he undertakes his various trials.

Each version of the "Book of the Dead" varies slightly in how it depicted the trials, but there are general similarities.

There's the Sun God "Re," or "Ra," whose daily journey illuminated the underworld, while the mortal world entered night, joining up with Osiris for some R&R.

There were all manner of ferocious beasts lurking in the dark waters, like the massive snake beast, Apep, who was always trying to stop Re's return.

The afterlife only really gets good if you pass through a bunch of labyrinths, and get to the "Judgment of the Dead," also commonly known as the "Weighing of the Heart."

This involves correctly identifying the 42 assessors of Maat, while also listing all the sins that you did not commit, attesting to a purity of heart.

-Halt.

-Excuse me, I'm trying to get to the afterlife.

Whoa!

Okay, I love that for you.

But first, you need to attest to the purity of your heart.

So please, tell me which sins you haven't committed.

Spill the tea, sis.

I haven't committed witchcraft against the King.

Emphasis noted, but go off, Queen.

I've never been angry without just cause.

And trust me, I always have a just cause.

-Mm!

-I am not a man of deceit.

Dang, that's a loophole.

We need to update that.

-All right, next!

-Thanks.

(Dr. Z) If you pass this test, your heart would be weighed by Anubis, the jackal-headed God who placed the heart on a scale opposite of feather of Maat.

If their heart weighed the same as the feather, you were in luck.

Thoth, the Ibis or baboon-headed scribe God of knowledge, magic, and judgment, would pen the result and pass the deceased onto Osiris, the God of the underworld.

He would let them continue on their journey to the Field of Reeds or Field of Offerings.

Here, the worthy deceased could live as mortals in an idealized paradise.

But this was only a resting stop before the true goal, transformation into a spirit that could cross the boundary of the netherworld, and join Ra on his journey across the sky-- to be his entourage, if you will.

Oh, and if you didn't pass, having your soul devoured by the goddess demon Ammit, or torture, were among the other options.

All things considered, it was fairly egalitarian compared to other world religions at the time.

Respect the Gods, remember the bad stuff you decided not to do, know the funerary spells, and hope for the best.

The "Book of the Dead" and the other so-called "Books of the Netherworld" gave us a collected written account of the many varied funerary practices of the ancient Egyptians.

This includes some really cool art and intriguing concepts.

But they represent a continuously evolving set of traditions that were exchanged between social classes, some of which may have even come from a shared source.

The common misconception that the "Book of the Dead" dramatically reorganized ancient Egyptian religion is a helpful reminder that us modern folks need to remain open in our interpretation of artifacts from the past.

Egyptian mythology is complicated.

Their burial practices are complicated.

But hey, so is life and death.

Okay, Dr. McT, I'm so excited to know your Pantheon pick for this episode, 'cause I'm a big fan of Egyptian mythology, so don't hold out on me.

Okay.

I know, so I didn't want to disappoint.

I think weather is really important in a utopia, and so I chose from the Egyptian Pantheon, Tefnut.

[Dr. Z gasps] -Yes.

-Yes!

-Yes!

-Yes, okay.

So, Tefnut is a goddess of moisture and dew and air, and I think that she might be able to provide little personal weather bubbles for people.

I love that, so you get to pick and choose your weather conditions.

Like if I want a nice rainy day to read in paradise, I got that.

Yeah, but if you want some dry air to go out and do some calisthenics, it's yours.

(Dr. Z) Excellent pick.

-Thank you.

-[Dr. Z chuckles] Gaherble.

-Like a gherkin?

-[Dr. McTier laughs] That doesn't have an H in it, does it?

Gherkin.

I love a good gherkin.

[Dr. McTier chuckles] (Producer) All right.