Director's Cut

– Announcer: Due to language and adult situations the following film is intended for mature audiences and not suitable for children.

Viewer discretion is advised.

[upbeat music] (cow mooing) (clinking) (whooshing) (insects chirping) - So here's what happened.

I'll be perfectly frank about what happened.

Well, if you must know.

It's all very frustrating really.

You're gonna laugh really.

- Are you talking?

Up late at night all alone Can't you see that I'm trying?

Trying so hard to hold on To the things I know But in the evening I will have to go What I most want is bad for me I know Out in the dark, shaking hands In the street, I'm drifting Drifting away from my family towards my foes My mother told me you'll reap what you sow What you most is want is bad for me you know - [Man] That little lady, that call was waiting here from what I was telling you, I can just go home.

Back in my home late at night All alone, I'm flying Flying above all my troubles My mind's a gull When I am happy my heart starts to slow What I most want is bad for me I know - Justine?

Hey um, could you do me a favor?

Whenever the teacher gets here, could you try not to get so wet, 'cause it soaks your chair, and it hits my shoes.

Really expensive.

All of the people who love me so - Did he make you wear a bag over your head, 'cause that's what I would've done.

What we most want is bad for us we know (school bell ringing) - Justine.

- Yesterday, I was on top for the first time.

I came so quickly that I made a noise and he had to cover my mouth.

- Wow, jut wow.

- Can't wait 'til she graduates.

- Well, you're handling it really well.

- Thanks, Anne.

- Yeah, girl.

(wind howling) - Let's be clear, this is, I just wanna make sure you understand this-- (coughs) Let's be clear, I just wanna make sure you understand this is, this is very easily explained.

####.

(lighter clicking) - Ow!

- Hey, I got it.

- Thanks.

- Worth braving the cold.

- Long day.

It's not over.

- Yeah, I know the feeling.

Oh, no I don't care for them.

- So, why are you still standing out here?

- Um, putting off an unpleasant task.

- Same.

Procrastination is good for your health.

- Says the smoker.

(laughing) Well, I hope your day gets better.

- You, too.

(upbeat music) You don't know what makes The world go round You got to listen - Hey.

- Oh.

- Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm Douglas Cecil, you're Justine Trahern.

You were early.

- I was being polite.

So I'm your unpleasant task.

- Um sorry, just tired.

You haven't done this before?

- No.

- We're just going to talk.

What would you like to talk about?

- I'd just like to get right to it.

Um, do you prefer, how should I address you?

Douglas?

Doug?

- I prefer Dr. Cecil.

- Sure.

Okay.

I just wanna be very clear about what happened.

I'm involved with an older man and people have decided that it's not healthy.

They keep telling me that I've been abused and labeling him as some kind of rapist which is not the case.

And I need someone on my side.

So I hope you can see it my way.

Because I'm completely unscarred by what happened.

- Been thinking about what to say to me for a while?

- Never hurts to be prepared.

- [Douglas] So, what happened?

- I just told you.

- There's more to it than that.

- Yeah, but that's private.

- I imagine it's a lot to deal with.

Everyone being mad or worried.

It's easy to get confused.

You've had a very confusing time recently.

- I've had a very frustrating time recently.

I'm not confused, I'm fine.

- Okay.

- So may I please go.

- Sorry.

(phone ringing) - [Jason] Hey, you've reached Jason Reardon.

Please leave a message.

(beeping) - I went.

You're safe.

I miss you.

(door clicking) - Hey.

(cupboard clicking) (water running) - It's late.

- You are a cranky skank.

You are scranky.

- You have a gift for portmanteau.

- Yo scranky because you're in therapy.

What, it's not like I think you need it.

- At least they're not gonna press chargers anymore.

- Hurray for Mr. Reardon.

- His name's Jason.

- Ew.

- Goodnight.

- Don't worry.

It's not like mom and dad care.

They just don't like being gossip.

Or, you know, being parents.

- You should go to bed.

- I'm having that stupid dream again.

- With the teeth?

- Can I sleep with you?

- I'm really tired.

- Well, the teeth come after my feet.

Please?

(upbeat music) We, we are both the same We're not perfect Nothing's perfect We, are strangers in every way But I can't say That we're not worth it (school bell ringing) (feet shuffling) (papers slapping) - Hey, Justine.

- Hey, Megan.

- Can you help us figure something out?

We're trying to figure out which teacher we should blow in the parking lot.

Would he be good?

- Does the bulimia help or hurt your gag reflex, Megan?

- Whore.

- [Douglas] Been a few weeks.

Things any better at school?

- Nope.

- Has it always been bad at school?

- Yep.

- How bad?

- What's your most prized possession?

- These.

My father's.

They're from when he got married.

- Would you be upset if something happened to them?

- To put it mildly.

- My mother gave me my grandmother's hardback edition of Pride and Prejudice when I was 10.

On the first day of middle school she put it in my backpack and told me not to take it out but if somebody hurt my feelings, I could just remember that it was there.

She used to do things like that.

I know everything in class on the first day so I take it out a few times, and read my favorite parts.

It has a blue binding with silver lettering.

As school's ending I go to the bathroom before getting on the bus.

There are three other girls in the bathroom, one of whom went to grade school with me.

Megan.

She asked me what I'd been reading all day.

I tell her all about the book.

For a full minute I talk about how much I love it.

She says she'd like to hold it.

I hand it to her.

Do you see where this is going?

I ask for it back.

She says she'll give it back to me tomorrow.

I can't let her borrow it, it's special.

It's just a book.

I try to grab it, the other two girls hold me back.

Then I watch her tear each page out of it and flush them down a toilet.

(somber music) Every day since then.

(phone ringing) - Hey you've reached Jason Reardon, please leave a message.

(beeping) - You shouldn't do that.

Are you still like seeing him?

- No.

- But you're like talking to him.

- It's none of your business.

- You shouldn't do that.

- You shouldn't talk about things you don't understand.

- Bitch.

- Whore.

- Slut.

- Mush.

- Loser.

- Idiot.

- Bitch.

- Repeat.

You lose.

(bottle scraping) - Goddamn it.

- Just too slow, Paula.

- At least I was smart enough to not #### my teacher.

Huh, sorry.

(phone buzzing) I have to go, I'm meeting Anne.

(locker tinkering) - Hey dyke.

(girls laughing) - Still with the dyke thing.

I'm not a lesbian, I'm just tall.

(Douglas laughs) - What?

You're funny.

- I mean, it's not even an insult.

I'm famously not.

- You're very alone in this since Mr. Reardon left town.

- He had to.

- Hmm, is he coming back?

- I'd prefer to keep the details of my relationship private.

You don't take notes?

I can't read those.

- Works both ways.

(beeping) - Hi, Mr. Trahern, this is Dr. Cecil calling to let you know that Justine was once again on time and courteous throughout our session.

Please give me a call if you have anything you'd like to discuss, I'll be around for the next few hours, and then again in the morning.

Have a good night.

- Seriously?

You'd think with all the messy people you deal with, you'd try to make my job a little easier.

- Yours is the business of healing, mine is the business of coping.

You look really cool right now.

- I always look cool.

- I know, you do always look cool!

(gentle music) (blower whizzing) (door squeaking and banging) - Wanna go out?

Wanna go out with me, Justine?

- No.

- Why not?

- Are you serious?

- Hey, I like you.

I really like you.

- Get the #### off of me.

###hole.

- Argh.

####!

(door clicking) Argh.

- [Physical Therapist] Okay, come on.

- Ugh.

- Come on, push it out more, one more.

Kick it.

(Douglas groaning) How did that feel?

(cars rumbling) (door slamming) - Dad called about today.

Will you do that later.

- I wanna know what happens at the end of Vietnam.

- Ha, we win.

Put it away.

I'd love to get your side of what happened today.

- I'd rather not.

- Unless you tell me something, you're not leaving, Justine.

- You treat me like I'm a teenager.

- You are a teenager.

- You could speak to me like an equal.

- I do speak to you like an equal.

- Do you?

You speak to Justine like an equal, Dr. Cecil.

- Most people call me Doug, although I don't like it.

So, Douglas is better.

Justine, what happened today with Brett?

- Look, I really didn't mean to bump into you.

- Justine?

- I'm very sorry, Brett.

- Thanks, Justine.

Mr. Trahern, ma'am.

- Justine, you need to come right home, after your appointment today.

- Because there's a whole hell of a lot to talk about.

- He grabbed me!

- What do you expect?

- That's really ######.

- You can ask me something else.

- I'd like to talk about Jason.

- Okay.

- Are you in love with him?

- I miss him.

- Do you trust him?

- Yeah.

- Why?

- What, I should trust you?

- I told you anything you tell me will be kept in confidence.

- You talk with my dad every time I come here.

- He's concerned about you.

- He's a prick.

And my mom only cares about what I eat.

- So, tell me about it.

- Oh, an upper middle class bitch has lousy parents, holy ####, call FEMA.

- I can help, if you'll let me.

- I don't know you.

- You can ask me a question.

- Do you have a girlfriend?

- I do not have a girlfriend.

- Boyfriend?

- No, not gay.

- My father thinks you are.

- Well, not gay, just crippled, not answering questions about that.

You said you miss him.

What do you miss?

- He made me feel good.

Is your father dead?

- Why?

- You have his cuff links.

- A couple of years ago.

- How?

- He killed himself.

By drinking a bottle of whiskey laced with bleach.

- Why?

- He didn't say.

Did you like Jason from the beginning of school?

- Yeah, best teacher I ever had.

- Yeah, apparently so.

- I beg your pardon?

- I just, - You just what?

- Just stop expecting me to sympathize with him.

He was your teacher.

You just don't sleep with someone you're meant to take care of.

- Of whom you're meant to take care.

- What?

- Your grammar slips when you're being a judgmental prick.

- I'm judging him, I'm judging you.

- Why?

This was as much my decision as it was his.

- A teacher sleeping with his student in any case is inappropriate.

- Does that go for therapists as well.

- Of course.

- What, you've never slept with a patient?

- No.

- You never even think about it?

- I'd never act on it.

- So you have thought about it?

- I don't know why-- - Have you thought about me, Douglas?

- No.

- Really?

The idea of Jason and me on a desk does nothing for you?

- No.

- It should.

I like it on the desk.

I'm good on the desk.

No one forced me down.

It was exactly what I wanted.

- Well, I find that hard to believe.

- Jesus Christ, who are you to say?

- Someone who would never take advantage of a child who was put in my care.

- Could you even if you wanted to?

- Oh, look what you can do.

- Would you be so contemptuous if this was about a 17-year-old boy nailing his math teacher, or would you be a little impressed?

- I'm not impressed when someone insists I should believe them without offering any reason why I should.

- Nothing I say will make you happy.

- I'm perfectly capable of watching you do your homework every time you come here and then calling your dad to let him know what everyone around you already thinks.

That you are behaving like a teenager.

- #### you.

- Oh, you think I'm impressed that you can say ####?

I'm not.

- I'm not trying to impress you.

- You are dying for me to fawn over your brain.

- I'm dying to go home and forget your stupid smug face, Doug.

- [Douglas] I know more than you think I do.

- Oh, is that supposed to scare me?

- When's Jason coming back, Justine?

Does he call?

Justine?

It is infinitely easier to run away than it is to deal with the girl you lied to.

I'm sorry, to whom, you lied.

You do not have a relationship with him.

You can't call him to say things are bad, I really need to hear your voice right now.

The truth is, he's probably done this before and he has no intention of coming back.

Why are you defending him?

He got off scot-free.

No one's calling him a whore because he-- [smack] This is over, we're done.

- Justine, they're really mad.

Just go upstairs, okay.

- #### it.

The whore's home!

- No!

(voices shouting) (somber music) - [Dad] Shut up!

Shut up, okay!

- Oh, my god!

- Justine, do not talk about that.

- Don't talk about him.

- Are you sleeping with that dude?

- I'm ####ing him.

What do they say That we're in - Justine?

They say it's just the same - Do you wanna call him?

- Why the #### do you have my phone?

- Just call him.

- I don't want that.

- You will.

(phone ringing) (beeping) - [Automated Voice] The number you have reached is not in service at this time.

(beeping) - This is a good thing.

- Go away.

- Just, try to forget about him.

- Go away, Paula.

- Just drink a little, Justine.

- I'm not you, I don't want that.

- I'm trying to help you, don't be such a bitch.

Don't you take back all the words don't let me go - Chug it, you'll get numb faster.

Lost forever - (coughing) Tastes like carbonated suntan lotion.

- It's coconut rum.

- Okay.

Am I alright to drive for about 15 minutes?

Stand alone And you can try to answer reasons why (door knocking) - I can't talk to you.

- Please.

- I can't.

- When have I ever said please to you?

Have I ever?

I'm sorry I hit you.

It's just, when my father found out, he asked if Jason had raped me, and I told him no.

And he said, look, he raped you or I raised a whore.

So, you know I'm not mean.

- I know.

- You're not either.

- Something happened?

- Um, just the inevitable.

Inevitable.

- You drink?

- No.

- He's not coming back, is he?

- No.

Just stupid.

- I don't think you're stupid.

- Do you wanna know why I started ####ing my teacher?

- [Jason] Well done.

Well done.

Well done.

Well done.

- Where's my "well done?"

- Where, indeed, Brett.

Ah, fun facts, guys.

I left half of these in my car.

Give me five minutes and you'll know your fate.

(people chattering) (door squeaking) - Faggot.

(laughing) - Well done.

- ####.

(laughing) - Please just stop.

- It wasn't supposed to be your eulogy but my father came to me and asked that I speak for his mother, aah.

It was the first time he entrusted-- - Brett.

- Sorry.

- Oh is that it, Brett?

- I'm really sorry.

- No, you're not.

You're boring.

And you can leave now.

- Fine.

(school bell ringing) (students mumbling) - You okay?

(Justine crying) They're not worth your time, you know.

- I'm sorry.

(gentle music) - You know, you are light years ahead of them, right.

- Okay.

- No, it's a fact.

Light years.

You should go home.

Look, I really like you, and I love seeing you every day, but you really should-- - I'm sorry.

(exciting music) (condom wrapper crinkling) I loved it.

It kept happening.

I made sure.

It was so good.

I felt like I was actually in my body, like I had been made for something wonderful.

- You didn't do anything wrong.

- Sure, I did.

I stood up for him.

I'm not an idiot.

It's not like we talked much.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be nice.

I wanna be angry.

Call me a whore again, everybody else does.

- That was wrong of me to say.

It was cruel and you didn't deserve it and it wasn't true.

Today was my fault.

None of it was your fault.

- Why do you think it will make me feel better if none of this is my doing?

- What do you want?

- I just wanna go away.

- You can't yet.

- Then I want a ####ing pony.

(laughing) - Hey, we said somethings that are just, you probably shouldn't come back.

- We can't be friends, right?

That would be weird.

- No, we can't be friends, it would be inappropriate.

- Inappropriate.

- But I will give you a ride home.

- No, I'm not going home.

- You can't drive.

- I just wanna walk.

- You can call me, if it's an emergency.

Okay?

- Okay.

- Long and short of it, therapy doesn't work if you don't wanna be there.

- So she's not trying?

- He didn't say that.

He just said that she's not getting better.

- Actually I didn't say either of those things, but I do think Justine needs to stop coming here.

- I think ignoring the fact that there's a problem is the worst thing we can do.

- Mr. Trahern, your daughter feels punished when she sees me.

She was manipulated, and exploited by someone who knows-- - Dr. Cecil, I appreciate your empathy.

But I've know her since she was born.

What I'm seeing here is she is smarter than you, and she has manipulated you.

- Sir, with all due respect the only thing your daughter needs is for you to stop blaming her for what happened.

- Thank-you for your time.

I'll be in the car.

(door creaking) - I'm very sorry for what you're going through.

But, what she needs right now is to be given a break.

People at school aren't going to so you have to.

- I used to leave her alone with everything that's, books, with friends and I thought that if something was too adult for her she would know it's not for her and she would put it down.

Why didn't she have the sense to do that this time?

- She was lonely.

- I do love her.

But it's hard to like her.

(upbeat music) Yeah, that's her She's sitting here on the ledge Pushing it to the edge of what you see - [Mr. Trahern] Generally, I start with two shots of bourbon.

- Oh, here we go.

- No, two shots of bourbon into some bitters.

- But this sounds like a Manhattan.

- It's almost like a Manhattan, but it's made with maple syrup, the real stuff, - well, you know, speaking of which.

- Alright, go get it.

- I will.

- And how's that bathroom coming along?

- It's a big project.

(girls chattering) We changed our minds on the color.

(liquid dribbling) - Hey, Justine.

- Hey, Mr. Fisher.

(laughing) - You, um, mind if I enjoy the quiet with you.

So, I hear you're, um, trading the snow for the rain, this fall.

- Yes, it seemed like a step up.

- You know, I spend a lot of time in Seattle, actually, it's a fun town.

You need any recommendations, I could give you a list.

- Sure.

- I'll buy you a drink next time I'm in town.

- Oh, you don't have to do that.

- Happy to, happy to.

You know, some place quiet, you know.

- Why?

You want to get to know me?

- Absolutely.

I have all these thoughts, that you were a very precocious person.

- I feel bad for your wife.

- I don't think I like what you're implying.

- And my father wouldn't like what you're implying.

- I think your father knows which one of us he can trust.

- Do you think I should tell my parents?

- Normally, yes.

But, having met them I think you'd be handing yourself more grief.

- Yeah.

Thanks, at least somebody sees it.

How are you?

- I'm fine.

- Good.

- Are you fine?

- It is what it is.

I'll go, I just wanted to tell someone who believed me.

- We can get coffee sometime.

If it helps, how it is.

(gentle music) - Where are you going?

- Just out to meet a friend.

- Douglas?

- Why?

- I heard you on the phone.

And he's your shrink, right?

- Yeah, um, no, same guy but we don't do that anymore.

- What do you do?

- Talk.

- Do mum and dad know?

- No, and they can't, okay?

- Yeah, okay.

("Sure' by Sad Brad Smith) (coffee machine hissing) I'm afraid to dig too deep These days I don't know what I'll see In my heart I know when trouble strikes I could rely on me - This is not a date.

- Yeah, I know.

- It needed to be said.

- Not to me.

- So, how's life?

Dad, mom?

- I wouldn't know how my mom is.

How's yours?

- Um, I wouldn't know either actually.

- Does she live here?

- Um no, Oregon.

- Go Beavers.

- Indeed.

- When was the last time you were out there?

- [Douglas] Couple of years ago.

- What happened a couple of years ago?

Jesus, I'm sorry.

- It's fine.

- What was he like?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Alright.

(Douglas coughs) I had a mind what I might see I couldn't trust anyone but myself - I'm just so sensitive.

- You're the ####ing pope of sensitivity.

- I should get a special hat.

- I think you could pull it off.

- Hmm.

At the risk of pissing you off, may I ask you a question I should probably ask.

- That sounds promising.

Go ahead.

- Are you still trying to call Jason?

- No, not for a while now.

- I don't think you should.

- Neither do I, I'm not.

- You'll miss him for a while but, it'll get easier.

- Speaking from experience?

- Yes.

This is me.

- Okay.

Do you wanna do this again?

- Yeah.

- Goodnight.

- Thanks for not asking about the chair.

Just, thanks.

(car remote beeping) (traffic rumbling) (ramp whirring and clattering) - The scholarship covers tuition and-- - Full tuition admission, plus a stipend for living expenses.

I made a budget.

- Well this is...

It's pretty, very good.

- Thank-you.

- Did you take seconds, Paula?

- No, mom.

- Good.

- This $500 is for-- - That's for all the food I'm finally gonna get to eat.

- In actuality?

- Textbooks.

(light music) (lighter clicking) - Can I have a cigarette?

- Sorry, it'll stunt your growth.

- I'm Paula, Justine's sister.

Hi.

- Hi.

What can I do for you?

- Are you her friend now?

- Um, yes I hope so.

- It's weird.

Are you married?

- No.

- Girlfriend?

- No.

Is that all you wanted to ask?

- Just wanna make sure that you're okay for her, you know.

- Makes sense.

- You seem okay.

- Thank-you.

- What do you guys talk about?

- That's not for me to tell you.

Sorry.

- Nice to meet you, Doug.

Hey.

- What are you doing?

- Saying hey.

God.

- Okay, hey.

- Yeah.

So there's this party tonight.

Do you wanna come?

- No way in hell, thanks.

- Come on.

- I've got plans.

- Doug?

- Douglas, yes.

- Do you have a tampon?

- Yeah.

- God, just come into the bathroom.

So I met Doug.

- What?

- Yeah, I went by his office and I checked him out.

- Why the #### would you do that?

- It's okay, I said I wouldn't tell.

Besides it's not like you guys can actually do stuff.

But still, he's old.

You know, just come with me tonight and hang out with my friends.

- Your friends are garbage.

I've got a friend okay.

- Well, are you, doing stuff?

- Christ, Paula.

- What does he go down on you?

- Such an ###hole.

- I'm just checking up on you.

That's what sisters do.

(door slamming) (dubstep music) Be nasty Victory (chattering) - It's not your job to make sure she's okay.

- I'm leaving soon.

She'll be very much alone when that happens.

- Do not let her convince you she's dependent on you.

- Worried about me?

- Well, um, slightly.

- You're Paula Trahern right?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I wanna hear it.

- No chance in hell.

- Come on!

- I didn't ####ing play sports there.

- But you attended sports events.

And at these events, you sang, a proud Beaver fight song.

Hook me up.

- You're gonna have to sweeten the deal.

- I'll be your best friend.

- Is that a threat?

(lips smacking) (Paula laughing) - Fact, the Traherns love older men.

- Yeah, come on!

- Told you!

- This is all you need to know for college.

You're gonna be 2,000 miles away, trying on a new version of yourself without any of this.

And it will be so freeing that you will never come back.

- Sounds good.

No one here will miss me anyway.

- I will.

- Yeah?

- Sure.

- Do the fight song for me?

- Jesus, Christ, you're the worst.

(Justine laughing) (phone buzzing) - Hi, Paula.

Who?

Who is this?

Text me the address.

I have to go.

- What's wrong?

(dubstep music drowning out voices) - [Brett] Agh!

- You come near my sister again, I will ####ing murder you!

- Shh.

- Where are we?

- We're home.

- Where are we?

- This is our house, we're home.

- I didn't call you.

- Anne did, Paula.

- This is yours.

- Yeah.

– Fact: the Traherns love older men.

- I'm sorry that happened to you.

I should have been there.

- And you were with Doug.

How is Doug?

- He's okay.

- Good for Doug.

- I'll put you to bed.

- Don't touch me.

Why did you let him #### you?

And why are you still doing it?

It's so gross.

- I'm not.

- Well then, why can't mom and dad know that you hang out with Doug.

- 'Cause they'll think he's like Jason.

He's not.

- You're so ####ing dumb.

- Okay, you got it.

Okay, Okay, Doug.

- Ah, it burns.

- No, take it back.

Can you please sit-- - I got it.

- Five seconds.

- I got it.

- I know you got it, but you don't have it right now.

(walker thumping) Please sit down.

(Doug gasping) (walker clatters) Well, this is mine now.

- You can keep it.

Be honest.

- Doug, I'm not your doctor, man.

- Be honest.

- You've made all the progress you're gonna make.

(Douglas scoffing) - Are you okay?

- I have friends my age.

And it's more appropriate talking to them but they all have this, they all have this memory of me from before, and sometimes I really hate it.

But you don't have that memory, you just know this version.

I want to talk to you but I know asking you to be here right now is an indulgence.

- Just tell me.

- A year ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and my chest hurt so I went to the hospital because, heart attack probably.

A blood vessel in my spinal cord had ruptured completely ####ing randomly and they didn't know if I was gonna get better.

It's not getting better.

There's nothing I can be angry at.

At which, I could be angry.

- What would you like to do?

- You're always so funny.

Can we hang out?

You be funny.

- Do you drink?

(rock music) (Justine laughing) Would you wanna do any experimental treatments?

Like, animal splicing treatments?

Or robots?

- I would be open to bionic legs.

- But not, say, bare legs.

(Doug laughing) - I don't, do they stay warm in February?

- I can only assume so.

Would you rock some cutoffs?

- I can do that now.

- Yeah?

Show the ladies the stems.

- Might be unfair, showing all the suburban wives what they can't have.

O-S-U, our hats are off to you Beavers, Beavers, fighters through and through We'll cheer throughout the land We'll root for every stand That's made for old O-S-U Rah rah rah Watch our team go charging down the field Men of iron, their strength will never yield Hail, hail, hail, hail Hail to old O-S-U (Justine laughing and clapping) - Wait, no.

Okay, go team.

Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Justine Trahern.

(light music) (car door slamming) (car engine rumbling) (students chattering) - [Douglas] Are you thinking about something?

- Just thinking about how last year could've been different.

Jason only came into my school three years ago.

If I'd just been born three years earlier, I would've missed him completely.

So many awful things wouldn't have happened.

- Don't dwell on timing.

My dad did what he did when he did it.

I got to be pallbearer.

Glad for that.

I wouldn't be different now.

- Do you miss him?

- I miss thinking I could help him.

I don't miss wasting my time.

Do you miss Jason?

- I miss not feeling stupid.

- It wasn't stupid.

Everyone, everyone wants to be seen.

- I hate people looking at me, knowing what they're thinking.

- Hmm, me too.

But that's not being seen.

- I'm glad I met you.

That's a good thing about this year.

- True.

Happy damn birthday.

- Not 'til tomorrow.

But still, nine hours, nine hours and oh, my god, suck at everyone.

- So what are you doing tonight?

- I don't know, reading.

- Are you ####ing kidding me?

- Well, like I'm gonna throw a rager?

- [Douglas] Your parents aren't doing anything?

- No, they're out of town, as per usual.

- Well, pick me up at seven then.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, we'll go into the city.

- What are we gonna do?

- Just dress up.

- Dress up?

Hey.

(door squeaking) Is it okay?

- Where's Doug taking you?

- I don't know, a surprise.

- I'm surprised that you fit into mom's dress.

- Yeah well, lucky me.

- Are you wearing panties?

- What is your problem?!

I'm not doing anything wrong.

- But you want to.

Ugly dumb ####.

- Yeah, well I'm not the one who made you take off your bra for Brett Henson, idiot.

Don't call me tonight.

I don't care what happens to you, it's not my problem.

(heels clomping) Where are the cutoffs?

[laughs] - You look-- - Legal?

(laughing) - You look so legal.

- So where are we going?

- To your twenties.

("Black Sheep" by Natalie Duke) Things will get you running And a ceiling made of glass Fingers clenched turn the shots, too small When you can no longer drown In the traditions of the past When this change's been coming For a while Baa baa black sheep gather in the herd again Get your husband, get your kids Get your mortgage genuine Now point your fingers my way And preaching with conviction now Tell you why you can't keep a man Yeah, tell me why I can't keep man I'll tell you why you can't keep man Oh no, tell me why I can't keep a man I'll tell you why you can't keep a man Oh don't oh don't oh don't preach to me It's you, it's you who are alone ("I Was Due" by Diana and The Dishes) I was due for a slap in the face I was due for a heavy dose of courage I was due for a criminal to make me cry No doubt about it I was due for a sour revelation I was due for a false sense of security I was due for a flop without hell on why Oh oh I sure I keep on the lucky Never belong to the groves Well it's a lover's game And no one to blame and sometimes you win Sometimes you lose Sometimes you lose hey hey yeah yeah I was due for a swift kick up the rears And I was due for a sorry sad song I was due for a hard load of lessons And a pack of lies I thought were true I was due for a bitter aftertaste (traffic rumbling) (horns honking) There was a train a train a train A train a train a train Taking you up to New York City to Chicago - This is what it's gonna be like for you.

Okay?

You don't have anything to worry about.

There are going to be people who get you, so don't you change a goddamn thing.

Happy birthday, Justine.

What was that for?

Sure this is cool?

- Yeah, no one's home tonight.

Plus I get creeped out when it's just me and it's dark.

- You got a deck of cards?

- I want three cards.

- You want two.

- No, I have a pair, I want three.

- You got a pair, and an ace.

You don't throw an ace, you throw an ace at some frat douche bag who has your money.

- No, because I will have batted my eyes at him at him and he have succumbed to my charms.

- He's gonna succumb all of your 10 bucks.

- How many do you want?

- Three.

- Okay, I have a pair of eights and an ace.

- Hmm, two pair.

- You have aces?

- I do.

- But you make me keep my ace.

- Because all men are liars and I want your 10 bucks.

- I hate you, I hope you die in a hole.

- Bat your eyes, maybe you'll get your money back.

- You two look so ####ing cute together.

(bag thumps) Oh, hi, Doug.

- Hi, Paula.

- She only likes you because you're older.

You should know that.

- Okay, time for bed.

- She doesn't like you.

She has this thing for older men because she thinks she's too superior for her own age.

- I should go home.

- Yeah, come on.

- But I don't know because I've never ####ed anybody, who is already jerking off by the time I was born.

- Shut up, Paula.

- How good are you, Doug?

You're a doctor right?

Do you wanna make me feel better?

- Not the way you mean, Paula.

- Why not?

- 'Cause you are just so sad.

(ominous music) - You're sad.

Maybe daddy's Clorox Martini made you sad.

Maybe, maybe-maybe.

What?

I can read.

If you're dumb enough to write it down then why can't I read it?

Why does everybody think that she's so smart?

If you're so smart, why can't you get anybody to like you besides these old sad guys?

People like me.

(wheelchair tinkling) - Hey.

- Hey.

Got you a present.

(gentle music) Couldn't find a blue one but the guys said this one's from the '50s so around the same time as your grandmother.

- You're my best friend.

- You too.

- Really?

- You have no idea.

Oh, you did, you just did that.

- You didn't smoke tonight.

- Why are you 17?

- 18.

- Justine, I need...

I need you to drive me home.

- Am I not your type?

- That has nothing to do with it.

- It was a joke.

I'm glad I kissed you.

- Justine-- - We're just talking.

- I don't wanna talk about this.

- As long as we're in the car, let's be honest.

- Just talking.

- Have you thought about me?

- Yes.

- I've thought about you.

I wondered if it'd been a while for you.

If, in a world where we'd slept together, if you would be really hungry or restrained.

Which would you be with me?

- How do you know how to ask questions like that?

- It's just what I think about?

- Which would you want me to be?

- I would just want you.

What would you want?

- I... would love to make you feel good, see your face, like that.

I would really love that, Justine.

- I would love that, too.

- Yeah, well, it is what it is.

(seatbelt clattering) What are you doing?

(gasping) Oh, I don't know why I'm doing this.

- Please don't stop.

- You're so lovely.

- Aah, you're good at this.

(gasping) (light music) Do you wanna kiss me?

- Yes, yes I wanna kiss you.

- I'll tell you when.

Hmm.

- It has been, it's been awhile.

- Has it been awhile?

- Yes.

You tell me when to kiss you.

- I will.

- Tell me when.

- Kiss me.

Ah ah oh Ah ah oh Ah ah oh Ah ah oh Ah ah oh (door clicking) - What did I say last night?

(juice clattering) I was so trashed last night, I don't even remember.

Was Doug here?

How mad are you?

I'm sorry.

- How long were you ####ing reading it?

- I'm sorry.

- Do you tell other people what it said?

- I, um... - Oh, my god, you did!

- I'm really sorry.

- You're not sorry, you're hungover.

- What do you want me to do?

- Kill yourself.

You're so boring.

- (crying) Why did we stop liking each other?

We used to.

- Because when people started to laugh at me, you did too.

- What did you expect me to do, be you?

That didn't work.

What do you want me to do?

Stop, where are you going?

- Like you don't know.

- I will tell.

- If you tell anyone, I will never speak to you again.

I will go away and never come back, and it'll just be you and mom and dad, alone.

(door clicking) (unzipping zipper) What?

Just tell me.

- I'm not better than him.

- You're not him.

You talk to me.

You like me.

- Yeah.

- You're my friend.

- I don't want to be something you'll regret.

- The feeling's mutual.

How about we just be each other's rock bottom?

- What do you want to do this summer?

- I haven't thought about it.

I'm still not sure if it's gonna happen.

- Hmm, it will happen.

And you get to go away.

What about before?

- Go into the city.

Mmm, beat you at poker.

(chuckling) Just see you.

What do you want to do?

- Hmm, the same.

- And then, I'll go.

- [Douglas] What are you gonna be like after this?

- Hmm, just me.

- Just tell.

- What are you gonna be like after I go?

- Hmm, go back to doing the right thing.

- [Justine] Are we gonna be something you can't talk about with anyone else?

- [Douglas] I think we'll have to choose our words carefully.

Who was the first person you slept with after it happened?

- Hmm, I was lucky.

He's a good friend.

- [Douglas] She had a good sense of humor, looked out for me.

- [Justine] Do you still talk to her?

- [Douglas] No.

- Why?

- We'd have to speak of it.

(birds twittering) - I like you.

- I like you, too.

Bye.

- Bye.

(traffic rumbling) - You're leaving early.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

(laughing) Travel safe.

- You too.

("Make You Better" The Decemberists) I want you, thin fingers I wanted you, thin fingernails And when you bend backwards I wanted you, I needed you Oh-oh, to make me better I'll love you in springtime I lost you when summer came And when you pulled backwards I wanted you, I needed to Oh-oh, to make me better Oh-oh, to make me better But we're not so starry-eyed anymore Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters And won't it all just come around to make you Let it all unbreak you to the day you met her But it'd make you better It'd make you better I sung you, your twinges I suffered you, your tattletales And when you broke sideways I wanted you, I needed you Oh-oh, to make me better Oh-oh, to make me better But we're not so starry-eyed anymore Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters And won't it all just come around and make you Let it all unbreak you to the day that you met her And it'd make you better Did it make you better?

Make you better And all I wanted was a sliver to call mine And all I wanted was a shimmer in your shine To make me bright Ah ah ah 'Cause we're not so starry-eyed anymore Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters Won't it all just come around and make you Let it all unbreak you to the days you met her But it'd make you better It'd make you better Oh - The View From Tall is available to stream on Amazon Prime.