Climbing For Furley

Bill Bradley: Yeah, I don't-- I don't stop for nothing.

One month before I headed to Denali...

I get the call that he passed.

It was like punching a hole through my heart.

It devastated me.

I gotta do it.

Dedicating this climb to Furley.

We didn't even get that high on Motorcycle Hill and it's blustery.

Little bit of a wind and it's hard to see.

My glass was-- I couldn't see out of it.

The fear's getting bad and I'm "This is for Furley, this is for Furley, this is for Furley."

Yeah, every step.

[Wind gusting] Bill: I've taken five tries at it.

I've had frostbite.

I've fallen in a crevasse.

I've tripped on the ridge and looked over my shoulder, and it was a 2,000-foot drop, and all kinds of crazy stuff up here.

Packing it up for fifth attempt at Mount Denali!

I went right by the crevice I fell in last time I was up here, and I got all kinds of crazy feelings.

It just froze me up with fear, man.

I've been holding on to this fear for, like, three years.

I talked to Jessie, my life coach.

She said, "Bill, you gotta face that fear.

You went up there to face that fear."

Because I was really scared three days ago, and this time, I just go right at the belly of the beast!

You go at the belly of the beast.

It wasn't as bad the second time.

Man.

I won't get an opportunity to summit, but I'll be back.

I never quit.

You can put something big on that goal list and dream list, man.

It's going to be tough, and you just don't quit.

This is my fifth attempt, and I'm not going to quit till I make this thing.

I'm hoping that, you know, five failed attempts.

Like, come on, universe, man.

Throw me a bone, baby.

Throw me a bone.

It was only three months before that I decided I was going to make another attempt to climb Mount Denali.

So one month before I headed to Denali, my little dog Furley passed away.

He was more than a dog to me.

He was more like a child.

It was just me and him against the world for 12 years.

And when he passed away, it was like punching a hole through my heart, man.

It left a huge hole there.

It devastated me.

It's Furley's turn.

Furley, you like the park... [Barking] Furley likes the park.

[Laughs] You can see why Furley loves this park.

Look how beautiful it is.

It's awesome.

If it wasn't for my coach Jessie to lean on, I don't know how I would have coped.

Leanne called, and she said, "Oh, my God.

He's..." You know, "He's froze."

What is that?

I guess he's just staring at the ceiling or something like that... Yeah.

like in a coma... Maybe go into a seizure or a coma.

A seizure.

That's what it was.

Yeah.

OK, OK. And, uh, her brother explained that to me, so I think she called the initial call.

Then the brother started calling, and then he's doing better.

And then I'm driving up there, and then I get the call that he passed.

And, I mean, I was--my guard was up because he had-- you know, this was his third thing in, like, three months.

Yeah, yeah.

And I knew something wasn't right.

I don't know.

I think I was in shock.

It was like, then I was just going through the motions, you know?

I need to go up and see him and all that stuff and say good-bye.

Yeah.

Are you still feeling, um, like, this is the direction you still want to go?

I know we've got Denali in about a month.

Yeah.

How are you feeling about still going to Denali?

I got to do it.

That's all it is.

I just gotta do it, man.

OK, OK. Yeah, I don't stop for nothing.

Yep, yep.

OK.

I'm imagining that you're going to be, uh... on Denali, where there's going to be no distractions of life, and it's quiet, it's cold, snowy, silent, and you're not going to have bills to pay, conversations to have.

You know, you know, you'll have people there, but it's a very different environment that's going to penetrate your emotional space, and you'll have a lot of time to think and a lot of time to feel.

So, um, let's set up a mantra that will help you to be able to embrace this loss in a way that can strengthen you.

Because we know that this is a very scary, scary mountain for you.

There's a lot of challenges that you've had to face when you've been up on the mountain.

I know that one of the biggest things that you've been feeling has been literally a visceral, physical hole in your chest from losing Furley.

So I know that that's going to continue being there.

And it's going to-- Grief has its own time, so don't rush it.

And so I think that the mantra has to be something that makes you feel like it fills you in that space in that it gives you a break from the grief for a little bit.

And you can do it as often as you need to.

So how about something like every step that you take while you're on the mountain, while you're on Denali, every step you take is for Furley.

OK.

Sounds good.

OK?

So what would that sound like to you?

If you were going to create the mantra, what would that sound like to you?

And you can imagine yourself being up on Denali.

Well, I like that-- "Every step is for Furley."

"This step's for Furley, this step's for Furley, this step's for Furley."

OK. Yeah.

Every step.

Do you feel-- What do you feel in your chest when you're saying that to yourself?

It makes me feel good that I'm dedicating this climb to Furley.

It's huge.

Yeah, yeah.

Huge.

I need a purpose for it.

Otherwise, it's just too hard of a mountain, too crazy.

It is.

You know.

Yeah.

And a lot of fear for me.

It's going to support you to work through the layers of despair that you've been going through and that you have been facing for some time.

And it's good because it makes me-- dedicating it to him, and it crowds out other negative stuff that might come up.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a different climb this time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you can do it.

Thank you.

[Wind blowing] Bill: Getting ready to take my sixth attempt at Mount Denali in Alaska, one of the world's coldest mountains.

[Laughs] It took me six months till I got the courage to sign up to do it this year.

Normally I wait every other year, but I do believe this is the first one I've done back to back.

And so it's tough because you're up here.

You know, it's not a short climb.

It's three weeks you're on the mountain, and it's not like a weekend thing.

It's three weeks, and it's tough.

It's a tough three weeks for me.

[Engine starts] We're here for now.

Gonna like slide it in.

Might have to do a little--OK. [Indistinct conversations] Man: As I was laying here, there's an avalanche just totally let go.

I scrambled for my camera, and I was able to get it.

About right here.

It just came funneling down.

It was kind of cool, kind of scary thing to witness that, you know?

It happens out here all the time.

[Airplane] Dalton: I heard we came up with a team name.

What's our team name?

Team Young Furley Bradley, named after my little puppy.

Ha ha!

He's super cute.

Why did we name it after your pup?

Oh, 'cause, yeah, he's doing great.

Ha ha!

Yeah, because he's, like, special.

My little dog's special, And he's with us up here, so that's why we named it after him.

Yeah, because there's a hole in my heart from where... so we're trying to fill that up with love.

So every step I take, I'm filling that heart back up.

He's here in spirit.

He's here whenever I need him.

We're camping out for half a night, and then we're going up when it's cooler because it's been really warm and, really, the snow is very soft and punchy.

So we're going to go at night and try to get a little firmer trail.

Bill: So the route for Denali is to start here at Basecamp and climb your way up to the summit over a three-week period.

I'm just trying to chunk it down.

If I start thinking about the whole thing, it just overwhelms me, but if I'm like, "OK, just make it to the next camp."

You know, "Make it to 11," I think we're going in tonight.

And make it to 11, you know, and then take it from there.

Just take it one day at a time, you know?

We didn't even get that high on Motorcycle Hill and it's blustery.

You know, it's kind of blustery and windy.

And snow's moving all over the place, and the footing is soft.

You know, it's soft snow, so your feet are moving around.

You don't have firm grips, and you're just not-- I'm just not really grounded.

And I, like, just froze, man.

And then on top of it, I look up Motorcycle Hill, it looks like it's a cliff.

It looks like you're going, everybody's going straight up.

That's how bad my mind did not want to go up that hill.

I mean, I think I'm kind of refining my chant when it gets steep and a little more difficult and the fear starts to come up.

You know, I'll say, you know, "I'm honoring my little young Furley Bradley "and the 12 years he spent with me, you know, "with this climb, you know, and I'm going to do the best I can do."

But when it gets tough and it's steep, I'm like, I'm saying, "This is for Furley, for Furley."

I have to shorten it because it's so steep, you're getting steep and the fear is getting bad and, you know, and I'm, "This is for Furley.

This is for Furley.

This is for Furley."

Dalton: We just made it over Squirrel Hill, and getting to the Polo Fields.

It's just continue to move up the hill.

...at least a couple times.

We'll tent here?

Yup, yup.

How's it feel?

It feels awesome, man.

I mean, this is a good hike for me.

You know, it's a good hike.

It's a tough mountain for me... [Laughs] to put it mildly.

I mean, I wanted to make it to the ridge, but I just--I wasn't feeling right, man.

You know, just the little one down there.

I let Hannah know that I was tired.

We made it to pretty steep, pretty icy-- yeah, or hard snow, at least, not really icy.

Hard snow.

Um, but it, like, faces my demons going up there, getting by the Fixed Lines.

I was hoping to make it to the ridge and go up to Fixed Lines, but I was just too tired when I got up there.

But the more, like, we're probably going to go up again in two or three days if the weather's right.

[Woman speaks indistinctly] Woo-woo-woo!

[Chuckles] Come on, you guys.

Come on.

Faster.

Bill, voice-over: After my second failed attempt, I came to the realization that I hadn't-- I just didn't have it physically to make it up the mountain.

With trying to recover from the hernia, I hadn't been able to get enough big pack training in, and it caught up to me.

And then you throw in that my dog died one month before, and it's pretty much a miracle that I made it as high on the mountain as I did.

Yeah?

Yeah, I think I'm good.

You know, we're only going to go up maybe to those skis and then have to turn around.

And then I realized that I go-- even making it to the start of it at the base... Yeah.

I would be really, really wasted by the time I got up there.

Jessie!

[Chuckles] How are you doing?

Dalton's actually filming us, too.

Ha ha!

Great, great.

Yeah, I'm doing good.

I had kind of a funky night last night, but, you know, it's, I don't know why.

Just a Furley thing.

[Chuckles] But, uh, yeah, you know, it kind of comes up and goes, but, um... and I told you about the disco train, right?

Dalton: Bill, they're calling you right now.

What is it?

Tent party?

Is this the disco party?

[Climbers cheering, Bill laughing] Whoo!

Ha ha ha!

These are my people.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, I'm not as good at disco dancing as I used to be.

Ha ha ha!

That's it.

That's it, man.

[Laughing] How about this?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

[Bill laughing] Bill: Make it to the top!

[Cheers] I think we're eating.

Go, train!

Go!

Woo-woo!

Disco train.

[Chuckles] Bill, voice-over: A disco train.

They had disco music playing.

Yeah, so that was pretty cool.

Yeah, that was pretty cool.

So that was, like, two nights ago.

Yeah, I know.

It gets to you.

Like I said, it kind of gets to me, man.

I really do want to make it, you know?

So I rewrote out a list of stuff I need to work on for next time.

[Chuckles] Got my list.

And we'll talk about it and we'll figure it out, you know.

Still there, Jessie?

Jessie?

Oh, there you go.

Oh, I was just saying, yeah, anyway, you always make me feel better, you know, so...

I mean, I do feel, you know, anyway, sometimes it gets to me, those waves of, like, feeling stupid because I can't get this down yet, you know?

I mean, I have some of the basic stuff down, like the rest step.

[Chuckles] Yeah.

But anyway, just the motivation is that I just keep trying, huh?

That's what inspires people, right?

Jessie?

Going down... Jessie, you there again?

Going down to no bars.

Bill, voice-over: I felt an incredible sense of loneliness, and the will to continue the climb just wasn't there.

Luckily, before we lost the phone connection, Jessie had suggested that I just focus every step on Furley.

[Chuckles] Bill, voice-over: Yeah, I talked to him a little bit...

I told him I was giving it my all today.

You know, I said, you know, I do.

I'm like, because I like to chat with him about it when I'm up there.

And I said, you know, "I'm trying to make you proud, little Fur."

[Chuckles softly] I said, I didn't make it this time, but I did do my best, you know.

He's always proud of me, man.

He knows I give it my best.

You know, just, couldn't get all my training in.

Couldn't get-- You know, I just didn't have the time.

Had the surgery, and, uh, but I still showed up and gave it my best, and, you know, that's all you can do in life, you know?

You're not always going to make it.

And I'm a big fan of his.

My best friend for 12 years, man.

And counting.

In the spirit world.

He's still there.

I'm trying to get the hang of chatting with him as a spirit.

[Chuckles] It's been, like, now we're up to, like, six weeks since he crossed over, and so I think time is helping.

You know, I'm sure when I get home, it's going to be rough because he's always so excited to see me, especially after these Denali trips because, you know, like, I'm gone for, like, a month and he's, like, super excited to see me normally, you know.

So that'll be a little rough because I really don't have-- I don't want to have loneliness as a weakness.

And so I want to beat that.

But then I'm going to get another dog because I really ... like dogs a lot.

Probably in six months, I'll have another little dog.

And it won't replace Furley.

It'll be like Furley's friend... [Chuckles] like his brother.

Bill, voice-over: I'm feeling the heaviness of my loss of Furley, and I'm definitely feeling a little depressed about not making the climb.

And now I need to make the extremely tough trek back down the mountain.

That was a little rough for me.

[Chuckles] I didn't do well in this cloud cover, and a little bit of a wind and just hard to see.

My glass was--this glass was, I couldn't see out of it.

My harness and my thing kept sliding down.

It's a cluster... All my fault.

But, uh, yeah.

And that's where I've had a lot of ... happen up there.

That's a bad stretch for me.

...

It's a ...-up mountain, man.

I wouldn't have come down in these conditions if it had been like that in the morning.

I'd have said, "Oh, let's wait another day."

I guess.

I don't know.

It got to me, man.

Two hours, we made it to Ski Hill, which I think we were, like, an hour ahead of time.

I just poked through three crevasses in a row.

Woman: Yeah, I've got your poles over here.

Bill, voice-over: Two of them up to my knee, and the third one was up to my waist.

A little unsettling.

On the fourth one, I fell all the way through.

My body was completely dangling in the hole, and I was just being held up by my armpits.

And if I wiggled around at all, I felt like I was going to fall further into the hole and have my head submerged below the surface.

Yeah, it's a big deal when you're up to your shoulders and you see everybody, like, coming by and they're, like, hooking-- You know, the other team was-- Lee's team was hooking on with our team, so that we had more horsepower to pull me out.

[Indistinct conversation] And when each guy would come by, I would thank him.

But I was so grateful for everybody.

It was just emotional.

[Indistinct conversation] Bill, voice-over: When something bad happens, man, it gets put under a microscope, and it's just like you think that everybody's bad, and it's just a bunch of bull.

They're not.

Not everybody's bad.

Most people are really, really good and do ... like Lee and his team, and they're going to stay.

They're burned out on the mountain, too, and they're going to stay another day to help me get down, you know, and I really appreciate it.

[Wind gusting] It seemed like I was in the hole forever, and then these bad-... professional climbers came by, and this one guy just ... reached over and yanked me out, man.

I was so grateful.

We're at Basecamp, 7,000-something feet, where the snow planes pick you up.

We're done with our Denali climb.

I don't know what we're into it--like, 17 days, 18 days.

And, uh, yeah... it was a tough way out, man.

And the French guy, I talked to him last night.

I bought his dinner, man.

I was there.

I said, "Dude, I'm buying your dinner," because he wasn't in our group or anything.

He was just walking by and he looked at me.

He says, "Man.

You looked like you were in shock."

He says, "You needed to get out."

Bill: All right.

So, um, it's been seven months since I came off of Denali.

Anyway, I'm getting a new dog, a new little puppy, a little white Pekingese.

And his name's Pre, and he's a beautiful little dog.

So, anyway, I'm on my way to go pick him up right now.

What's up?

This is what's up.

[Bill chuckling] This is what's up.

Mwah!

That's what's up.

Chasing that young, little girl around.

[Singing indistinctly] Up to daddy.

He was such a tiny tyke.

That picture of you holding him.

I know.

He was like this and his collar was, like, just swimming.

He was, like, 2 pounds.

I got it.

I got his old collar.

I just got to put it on.

Bill: Pre is an awesome dog, but he's not a replacement for Furley.

I think of him as Furley's little brother.

Bill: The biggest lesson I want you to take away from this is, even though the odds might be slim of you making your big goal, you still got to get up there and give it all you got because you never know.

You might tap into some hidden energy that you didn't know you had that could propel you to your summit.