Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

[UPBEAT MUSIC] NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities-- We are special then, are we?

Oh, that's excellent.

NARRATOR: --paired up with an expert-- We're a very good team, you and me.

NARRATOR: --and a classic car.

Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

It's very me, isn't it?

Oh, I love it.

NARRATOR: The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no easy ride.

There's no accounting for taste.

NARRATOR: Who will find a hidden gem?

Who will take the biggest risks?

Will anybody follow expert advice?

What I'm doing is watching the haggling.

NARRATOR: There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

Are you happy?

Yes, ecstatic.

NARRATOR: It's time to put your pedal to the metal.

This is "Celebrity Antiques Road Trip."

Yeah.

This Celebrity Road Trip promises to be a laugh a minute, as comedy duo Rory McGrath and Steve Punt take to the roads.

Now, I know we worked together on a program, which I think was recorded in Manchester.

You said something on the train coming home, which is so funny that I lost it.

I was giggling.

I was-- in fact, I very nearly had an underwear issue.

NARRATOR: Well, I hope there are no unfortunate accidents today.

With 400 pounds burning a hole in each of their pants, Rory and Steve are swapping the comedy circuit for the antiques trail.

STEVE PUNT: I do feel in need of an expert.

My own level of expertise is sort of hovering somewhere between zero and minus five.

They tend to be quite-- NARRATOR: But when it comes to comedy, he goes straight to the top of the class.

Steve has written for many radio shows and contributed to the likes of Mock the Week, but he's best known for his appearances on "The Mary Whitehouse Experience," the "Punt and his current news satire radio program, The Now Show.

I certainly feel I could use a bit of help, because I never know how they price things in antique shops.

They presumably just think, sticker price on it and see if anyone's prepared.

I think that's true.

NARRATOR: Rory also rose to fame through his comedy writing, and is renowned for loving a good road trip.

His comedy feats include "Not The 9 O'clock News," "They Think It's All Over," and "Three Men in a Boat."

STEVE PUNT: In my experience, comedians tend to be secretly very competitive.

I'm not competitive.

In fact, I'm competitive-- I bet I'm more uncompetitive than you are.

NARRATOR: Isn't that the sort of thing a closet competitive person would say?

It's not about winning.

It's about taking part?

Yeah, it's about not coming second.

NARRATOR: Yeah, he's certainly not competitive.

Rather than "Three Men in a Boat," today it's all about two guys in the car-- and a pretty one at that-- a 1961 Morris Minor.

Good luck, [INAUDIBLE].

These cars always remind me of one thing-- rather smug man at the wheel, frozen, beleaguered wife thinking why do we have to do this every Sunday?

Trevor, do we have to do this?

NARRATOR: Well, what can I say?

Today's experts, auctioneers Christina Trevelyan and David Harper, may act like an old married couple.

Do you think I'm interesting on a scale of 1 to 10?

Give me a score.

I'd give you 1.

Excellent.

My life is complete.

NARRATOR: But they know a thing or two about antiques.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: This is going to sound like a really, really odd question to ask, but do you think they'll be funny?

They're highly intelligent.

You know what?

Comedians have to be highly intelligent.

To have that quick wit is quite a rarity.

Well, the thing with the comedian, they'll give it to them in a supermarket and say, make me laugh.

And that must be a nightmare.

NARRATOR: Yeah, a terrible burden, but not one our two fabulous experts need to worry themselves about, though.

So they're both pretty intelligent.

DAVID HARPER: They will be.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Quick-witted.

I'm not entirely sure I'm going to have much in common with them.

NARRATOR: Oh.

Well, at least these two have got a nice car to drive around in-- a 1970 Triumph Stag.

This side-splitting journey will take our two teams through the heart of the Midlands, starting in Balsall Common Warwickshire.

Our double acts will be scouring the area for new material and some antiques, as they head North to an auction in Langer in Nottinghamshire.

Buckle up and hold on to your sides.

It's going to be a right laugh.

And today's merriment commences in the large commuter village of Balsall Common.

Oh, look, it's Rory.

Quick, say something funny.

I hope I end up with the sexy one.

Well, you've got me.

Thanks, Rory, we're going to give them grace.

Do you blokes know anything about antiques?

He knows a lot about antiques.

He's been secretly swatting up-- Have you?

--in order to win the competition.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Have you?

I think he's secretly been swatting up, and he's playing a double bluff here.

NARRATOR: Oh, yeah, we'll soon find out.

Shall we go?

NARRATOR: Antiques in an old barn lodge farm-- yes, that's the actual name-- does, actually, what it says on the packet and is a great place for that all important mosey.

It stocks everything from furniture, silver, to a couple of familiar faces.

Look, it looks like David and Rory.

NARRATOR: And you said you weren't funny, Christina?

STEVE PUNT: It does a bit, actually, yeah.

it's not dissimilar.

NARRATOR: Can you tell which is which?

And speaking of the devils, David and Rory have discovered something slightly turbulent themselves.

DAVID HARPER: Wow.

Oh, what's this this?

I this part of an airplane?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: It is.

DAVID HARPER: This is cockpit.

It's something in the cockpit, isn't it?

If you've got lots of imagination, you can do so much, of course, can't you?

Hey, plenty of leg room.

These were expensive seats, weren't they?

NARRATOR: Anyway, time for some actual shopping.

So tell me about your negotiating skills, then, Rory.

Well, I'm quite good, actually.

I've never done an antique shop before.

I would not normally do, you know, in newsagents.

A pound?

A pound?

For the Daily Telegraph?

I'll give you 50 paper.

NARRATOR: Sounds like this could be an interesting shopping trip.

Speaking of interesting-- Be careful what you're saying.

That's a boar.

That is a boar, yeah.

OK, yeah.

Now I quite like the idea of having-- do those affect any price?

They can do, if the taxidermy is by somebody quite special.

It's got a cricket cap on it at the moment.

So that's not-- shall we get it out and have a look?

Yeah, you stay there, I'll bring it out.

People have funny ideas about taxidermy, but that's quite-- there's something quite noble about that.

It's very noble.

And I think I don't have a problem with him, because he's ancient.

Is that going to be 19th century or 20th century?

DAVID HARPER: I think this is probably early 20th century, maybe 1910, 1920.

No maker's mark on the back.

If we had the Roland Ward mark, he would two or three times his value.

RORY MCGRATH: So the guy who did it, actually, what makes the value?

I was thinking good old fashioned low oak-beamed pub-- --called The Boar's Head.

The Boar's Head.

And if they don't have a boar's head, they're going to be desperate for him, aren't they?

NARRATOR: An interesting logic and a speedy decision from Rory, but how is the competition getting on?

So do you buy antiques?

Are you interested in antiques?

I don't really, just because I'm not confident in what I'm buying.

I would only buy something just because I like it.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Well, that's the way to do, isn't it?

Rather than, you know, it might be complete-- Yeah, I suppose so.

NARRATOR: But what will Steve think of Christina's first find?

That's complete fun, isn't it?

What do you think of that?

It is fun, yeah.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: They have got that as a garden sundial, which it isn't.

This is an armillary sphere.

This is where I get a bit geeky.

STEVE PUNT: No, go on, that's fine.

Originally, the unique or the genuine ones would have had, basically, bands inside here, where you would have been able to chart the stars, whereas this one is obviously in that style, but it's actually just a garden ornament.

It's got a sundial, but I'd like to see anybody that would be able to tell the time with that and the Sun.

What I really like about it is that it looks like the logo of an evil corporation.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

In a film.

It's the bad-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] --evil corps, yeah.

STEVE PUNT: Yeah.

It's the kind of thing you perhaps wouldn't think of buying until you see it.

You wouldn't go to the shops with a list that says armillary sphere on it.

But if someone brings one up, you think, oh, actually, that's nice, I've always wanted one of those.

I think, let's certainly go and ask the price, yeah?

- Ask the price?

- Yeah.

STEVE PUNT: You mean, not this price?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: No.

STEVE PUNT: Go and say, what will you do me up for, gov?

Yeah, I wasn't prepared for that.

And are you good at haggling?

No, of course not.

I'm British.

Do you really expect me to pay 44 pounds for this?

Is that good?

NARRATOR: OK, maybe leave it to the expert then.

Let's hope Rory makes less of a pig's ear of things when it comes to haggling for his beloved boar, priced at 165 pounds.

Poor old thing.

What should we call the boar, Diane?

Boris.

Boris the Boar.

That's Boris the Boar, yeah.

RORY MCGRATH: This is lovely.

So what do you reckon?

Trade price.

Trade price?

It says-- oh, I'm ignoring that.

Ignore what's-- ignore all of that.

I've got 50 pounds in cash.

That's retail prices.

We're not retail buyers.

Right.

The trade price would be 95.

DAVID HARPER: 95?

MERCHANT: Yeah.

RORY MCGRATH: We did start from 50, didn't we?

DAVID HARPER: He gets it so quickly.

He's been going about three minutes.

He's an expert already.

NARRATOR: Can we get Steve down to watch and learn?

MERCHANT: I can't do 50 again.

I'm sorry, I can't get close to that.

51 pound 99.

60.

RORY MCGRATH: When you said no to 50, did you mean no, or did you mean yes to 50?

Because some people get no and yes mixed up.

NARRATOR: Rory's not-so-secret competitive nature is certainly shining through now.

MERCHANT: Just give me another 5.

55?

So we do it?

What do you reckon?

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Right, OK.

Thank you very much.

- I'll hold him.

Go ahead.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

NARRATOR: That's one wild boar head in the bag, for the greatly reduced price of 55 pounds.

Back with the other team, Steve was found a little piece of history very close to home.

STEVE PUNT: Kristina?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Yeah?

Look, I'm afraid-- someone who's spent a while on the radio, this really-- this really fascinates me.

Oh, wow.

So this is-- BBC Broadcasting House.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Gosh, it looks a bit different now, doesn't it?

So is this your office?

That's where we do The Now Show, just inside there, where the radio theater is.

NARRATOR: These cigarette cards feature 1930s radio celebrities.

So you would have collected all your cigarette cards with, just obviously, with the cigarettes?

And then you would have filled your little album?

Yeah.

That's very appropriate for you.

STEVE PUNT: There's a pub near Broadcasting House that has these in frames, and I've always wondered where they came from.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC] CHRISTINA TREVANION: [INAUDIBLE] STEVE PUNT: That's Clapham and Dwyer, who I think were the comedy double act.

I can't be doing with them.

Has it got a price on it?

STEVE PUNT: No, it hasn't.

Well, it has-- one penny.

But I suspect they'll be wanting a bit more than that.

NARRATOR: I'd imagine so.

Steve has also found some World War II pamphlets on what to do during an air raid.

Combining them with the cigarette cards, time to find out just how bad it haggling he actually is.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Sir, 15 pounds.

- 15 pounds?

- Yeah.

I think we can run to that.

I think let's just have a little bit of a chat before we talk about things like that.

NARRATOR: OK. Yep, that is pretty bad.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Would there be any flexibility in the market, because they're 15 pounds.

What about if I said, that and that, 10 pounds, and threw that one in.

So 10 pounds and 3.

Well, that-- yeah.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: You are terrible at haggling.

STEVE PUNT: I am terrible, but I did warn you I'd be terrible.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: You did.

You did.

NARRATOR: What about the armillary sphere priced at 44 pounds?

MERCHANT: I'll run to 30.

30.

If that's any help to you.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Could you do 35 for everything?

MERCHANT: 38.

And I've given you a little bit extra there-- You have.

- --which hopefully will help.

- Yeah.

What do you think?

What I'm doing is watching the haggling and learning.

NARRATOR: A keen student indeed.

38 and 10 is 48 pounds.

No, 38 pounds for the whole lot.

Oh, 38 pounds for the whole lot?

Yes.

Of course.

That was the whole basis of that.

I was just testing there.

NARRATOR: Lucky for Steve, Christina is an expert haggler.

So that's the cigarette cards and armillary sphere bagged for 38 pounds.

Not bad.

Meanwhile, Rory and David are in the party mood.

Oh, look at these.

Oh, my gosh.

You're too young to remember that.

RORY MCGRATH: Well, you know what?

Do you know what it reminds me of?

DAVID HARPER: Champagne Perry?

Yeah.

This reminds me of my grandmother.

Yeah.

That's that sort of that era, isn't it?

That sort of innocent late '50s, early '60s.

Yeah, it's that kind of Thing They're actually quite nice glasses.

They're quite substantial.

NARRATOR: I would have put him as more of a pint man myself.

Do you think anyone would buy that?

I quite like that.

Yes, yes, I do.

And do you know what?

The most exciting thing is the box, that a box can treble or quadruple the value, because the box is the rare effect.

Shall we call our-- Yeah, let's get Diane.

OK. NARRATOR: The glasses are priced at 30 pounds, but can Rory work his magic again?

DAVID HARPER: Rory, you remember Diane?

Diane.

Gosh, yeah.

You let yourself go, Diane.

You've let yourself go, love.

I let myself go, yeah.

DAVID HARPER: What was your name?

MERCHANT: Trevor.

RORY MCGRATH: Trevor.

Now, our eyes have been taken by this lovely set of glasses.

Right.

But we wanted to talk about the price.

Someone's written 30 pounds on it.

It's obviously a mistake, because sometimes the 3s and 2s look sort of different.

NARRATOR: Diane-- I mean Trevor-- is not looking too impressed.

25 is the best I can.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: 25?

So for 10.80 you say?

Is it 10.80?

No, I said 25.

NARRATOR: Coy Rory's trying every trick in the book.

I'm very superstitious about odd numbers, Trevor.

Why would you-- Odd numbers, they worry me.

Make it 26.

I was thinking 24, actually.

Now it's 26.

You're just too fast.

24?

No.

Oh, go on.

24, and then I can say I knocked you down a quid.

Go on, then.

24.

Fantastic.

We've done a deal.

That's great.

Thanks, Diane-- Trevor-- whoever you really are.

NARRATOR: So a deal is done.

Through dogged determination, Rory saved a whopping 6 pounds on these retro glasses, bringing his final spend in this shop to 79 pounds.

RORY MCGRATH: It's a good day's work, David.

DAVID HARPER: That was brilliant.

Brilliant.

NARRATOR: But the shopping is not over for the other guys, as Christina has spotted something sparkly.

I know this is probably a bit girly, but I can't resist shiny things.

And I just saw this.

You've seen a shiny barrel organ?

Yes, which I know is sort of slight contradiction in terms.

That's the one that monkeys sit on, isn't it?

And you turn the handle?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Isn't that fab?

In its original burrow, as well.

Are you musical?

Well, I don't play the barrel organ, but I play the piano.

I play the piano and the guitar, both quite badly.

But I like musical stuff.

If there's a market for miniature silver, then I think we should go for it.

Well, let's go and ask the price.

Now, you are technically, from this point on, banned from talking to people about money.

NARRATOR: Probably wise.

So it's got 55 pounds on it.

Would you have any flexibility down to about 30 pounds on it?

Not down to 30.

If I were to do-- CHRISTINA TREVANION: Gives us a fighting chance.

Yes, I'll try, I'll try.

If I were to say 40.

40?

Could you go down to 35 for us?

Oh, look, it's a steely gaze, isn't it?

35 would be brilliant, just to give us a fighting chance.

I can't come down to 35.

38.

38 pounds?

What do you think?

I'm not allowed to participate in this discussion.

It's a good price.

STEVE PUNT: It is a good price, isn't it?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Yes, very much so.

I'm very happy at that.

NARRATOR: And say you should be, Christina.

This silver barrel brings their spending here to 76 pounds, leaving them with 324 pounds.

Not bad for their first shop.

OK, it's time to hit the road.

NARRATOR: It certainly is, and Steve seems quite at home in the Triumph.

He's got a good throaty roar, this car.

The Morris Minor didn't really have that.

It had more of a sort of polite cough.

It's got a cassette deck.

Oh, a cassette.

See?

It's got an authentic '70s cassette deck.

NARRATOR: Well, if you like that, Steve, you're going to love where you're being sent to next-- Coventry.

While many associate Coventry with Lady Godiva, there was another lesser known social movement that took place here in the 1970s.

It stemmed from a form of music that revolutionized the British music scene and had a lasting effect on culture and society.

- Are we ready?

- Yes.

Let's go to town.

NARRATOR: Aside from comedy, Steve is also a massive music fan, so this is sure to be a treat for him.

PETE CHAMBERS: Welcome aboard.

NARRATOR: Today they're meeting director and curator, Pete Chambers.

PETE CHAMBERS: Well, this is The Country Music Museum.

And, of course, it's about all types of music, but obviously two-tone is the big one.

It's what Coventry is known for, more than any other music, really, and it's our unique selling point.

NARRATOR: Two-tone is a music genre created in Coventry in the late 1970s by fusing elements with punk rock and ska music together.

A guy called Jerry Dammers, he's the guy who came up with this idea.

He wanted to fuse reggae with punk.

Unfortunately, that didn't really work.

But when he sped everything up to ska, suddenly the speeds met each other, and it created this fantastic brand, which we know today as two-tone records.

Punk had come and gone, and punk had a big mouth but it didn't have a lot to say, whereas what followed was two-tone.

And that had a lot to say.

You know, it was music for the feet and the head.

You could dance to it, and you could also listen to it, take it in.

NARRATOR: At the time, Coventry was a very multicultural society, with a strong Caribbean community.

This new form of music brought communities together for the first time.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: So is the black and white symbolic of something?

Is that-- what is that?

It was evident on their-- all the graphics on the records and everything.

And it was evident in the band, because the bands were a multicultural band.

Black and white guys, singing this Black and white stuff.

It was a fusion of Black and white music.

NARRATOR: Jerry Dammers, a two-tone pioneer, went on to form The Specials, probably the best known of the two-tone bands, with his college friend, Horace Panter.

The movement was branded with the iconic artwork of the black and white squares and the image of Walt Jabsco.

I think it was bringing in almost like the mod feel, because, you know, there was a bit of mod element to the whole thing as well.

Walt Jabsco was a fictional character based on a photo of Peter Tosh, one of the main members of The Wailers, alongside Bob Marley.

The imagery of the band was to become almost as famous as the music itself.

Well, this is it.

This is the style as well.

It just wasn't about music, it was a whole thing.

NARRATOR: For three years, two-tone was at the forefront of the UK music industry, affecting culture, fashion, and politics as well.

I remember The Specials catching a moment with "Ghost Town."

That, probably, more perfectly, than any other record I can remember, in terms of just absolutely summing up the time it was made, because the last song of the record is the people getting angry.

And literally two weeks later, there were riots.

NARRATOR: Other famous bands that came up through the two-tone label were Madness, The Beat, and Selecter.

Even today, two-tone's influence lives on in modern artists.

I remember seeing the specials at Glastonbury, about two or three years ago.

And not only was it-- were they great, but Lily Allen was on with them as a guest.

So there's a kind of cross-generational thing going on there.

NARRATOR: The museum is full of original artifacts for Steve and Christina to discover, including the master tape from The Specials' first album and a replica of Jerry Dammer's bedroom.

Oh, God.

Look.

If I can move the Marathon bar here.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Worth 4p.

Look, 4p.

STEVE PUNT: But what you have here is Letraset.

This is how people made posters.

If you were in a band and you want to make a poster, you couldn't just typeset it.

You had to buy these.

I once saw a very early poster for The Cure in Reigate that I reckon was hand-Letrasetted by Robert Smith.

And I wish I'd peeled it off the wall and kept it, because then you could have told me how much it was worth.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: So does this take you back to being a teenager?

STEVE PUNT: It does, actually.

I had friends-- I had friends whose bedrooms didn't look at all unlike this.

And the trouble is, it's making me feel I ought to be revising.

That's the overwhelming feeling that I'm getting.

I need to do some geography.

Start panicking.

Let's go, go, go, go, go.

Start revising.

NARRATOR: Whilst Steve is being taken back to his youth, Rory is being taken to his next shop in the market town of Coleshill.

in the market square, there still exists the town's pillory and whipping post.

But I'm sure David won't be needing that today.

Oh, we've got 320 nickel left, haven't we?

Gosh, that's quite a lot.

Quite a lot.

Now, so how did how do you feel about your first buying experience?

RORY MCGRATH: We haven't bought a grandfather clock, or a table, or a chair.

We've come out with a boar's head and some Babycham gla-- We haven't exactly gone the traditional route.

NARRATOR: I expected nothing less, but perhaps you'll find more antiquities at Remember When Antique Shop.

Oh, it's a wool shop, Rory.

NARRATOR: Don't worry, Rory, there are antiques at the back.

RORY MCGRATH: So, wool.

It says wool.

It's an antique wool shop?

Hello.

MERCHANT: Hello, Rory.

We could knit ourselves an antique, couldn't we?

We could knit ourselves a Queen Anne Desk, shall we?

Can do that for us, Kim?

NARRATOR: Perhaps slightly outside her particular skill set, but I'm sure she's got a wealth of other interesting wares to offer.

They sold this program-- 1957-58 from Coventry Theater, as signed Morecambe RORY MCGRATH: Wow, Morecambe That says Morecambe, and I presume that says Wise.

Harry Secombe, look at him, with hair.

MERCHANT: A very young Harry Secombe.

Isn't he just?

Anybody else signed in there?

Not in that one, no.

This one is signed on the front by Bruce Forsyth.

1963.

Good ole Brucie.

Yeah.

But then inside, very young Brucie.

My gosh.

A game.

Brucie, I'll sign every page.

Yeah.

I'll sign every page, [INAUDIBLE] I love the comedy connection for you.

I think it's brilliant.

I mean, you couldn't have made it up.

10, 15 pounds for the two?

MERCHANT: I was thinking, yes, about 15 pounds for the two.

I think a tenner would be good.

Tenner for the two?

Cash?

Meet me halfway?

12?

RORY MCGRATH: I just like the clean tenner.

And I'm just thinking an auction.

DAVID HARPER: Where is it going to start?

It's all-- what is 10?

It's a beautifully, almost decimal number, isn't it?

DAVID HARPER: It is quite decimal.

All right.

OK. OK. Yeah.

How decimal do you want to be?

DAVID HARPER: You can't get more decimal.

No, exactly.

NARRATOR: If you just stop talking, boys, I think she said yes to your offer.

Well I hear what you're saying, so yes, and I will throw that one in as well.

You wouldn't throw those in, would you?

MERCHANT: Well, these two?

DAVID HARPER: You wouldn't, would you?

NARRATOR: David, you are incorrigible.

These sporting dinner menus are also signed by celebrities.

So is Kim in a generous mood?

Go on then.

Yes, OK. DAVID HARPER: You're an angel.

Yeah.

DAVID HARPER: Marvelous.

Kim, we love you.

We might even buy some wool.

NARRATOR: For an incredible price of a tenner, Rory and David have acquired a selection of theater programs and dinner menus, all with famous autographs.

But has David found something else already?

DAVID HARPER: I do like that dish.

Tell me about that, David.

DAVID HARPER: Well do you like it?

RORY MCGRATH: Looks like a Celtic shield to me.

But it is, in fact-- DAVID HARPER: It's simply a plaque, circa 1890, 91.

RORY MCGRATH: Really?

Is that our antique for the day?

That's a real one.

Yeah, that's a genuine-- It's a real one.

NARRATOR: It's priced at 62 pounds.

I feel some more haggling coming.

20 quid?

Is that a very attractive figure to you?

It's a little on the low side.

I would probably be looking for 30.

I'll have to consult with the head office.

- Yeah.

- OK. Yeah, I think we've got to be really, really firm on it.

MERCHANT: OK.

I will let it go for 20.

Do you think 20's close to the edge?

You know, who could say that's expensive at 20 quid?

It's impossible.

15?

NARRATOR: You're pushing it now, Rory.

OK. All right.

Yes, yes, that will be the lowest I'll go on that.

I'm-- sorry, I'm learning from him.

That was amazing.

NARRATOR: The student has become the master, and for an incredible 15 pounds, Rory and David are now the proud owners of an arts and crafts copper dish, which, coupled with their previous purchases, means they now have 296 pounds left to splash.

See ya.

Bye bye.

NARRATOR: But there's no more spending for now, as it's curtains down on a successful day's shopping.

Have you heard the one about the comedian who couldn't haggle?

No?

Well it's certainly the topic on everyone's lips this morning.

STEVE PUNT: That's the bit I'm really bad at.

I have this terrible sort of thing in the back of my mind all the time, that it's a bit rude.

And how are you getting on with the lovely Christina?

Well, she is haggler in chief.

She really knows her haggling.

But, David-- I think that must go with the territory of being an expert, because David's exactly the same, you know.

NARRATOR: And you're no shrinking, Violet Rory.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: So how did you get on this yesterday with Rory?

He seems like a lot of fun.

He's absolutely-- well, he's on fire, isn't he?

Is he?

Absolutely on fire.

What about you?

Yeah, great.

Steve is incredibly clever, which is quite slightly intimidating.

But he's also the worst haggler I think I have ever met.

Why?

Why?

Why?

He just-- if dealers say a price on the ticket, he'll say, yeah, that's fine.

NARRATOR: But luckily, Christina was there to step in with an expert negotiation, bringing home an armillary shere, some cigarette cards, and a miniature silver barrel organ for 76 pounds.

Which you do.

What I'm doing is watching the haggling.

NARRATOR: Rory, on the other hand, took to haggling like a duck to water, and purchased Boris, the boar's head, Babycham glasses, signed theater programs, and a copper dish, for a total of 104 pounds.

And he was brutal.

He's been going about three minutes.

He's an expert already.

NARRATOR: This morning, both teams are off to the trendy cosmopolitan suburb of Moseley in Birmingham, which, funnily enough, is where famous comedian Jasper Carrott went to school.

And it seems Rory and Steve are in the mood for a bit of a sing song.

(SINGING) Christina, she used to be a cleaner.

In a Mexican cantina.

Boy, you should have seen her on her knees with a sponge in her hand.

Don't throw money, please, don't encourage the buskers.

DAVID HARPER: The good thing with Christina, she has the most-- I mean, she's so modest, angelic voice.

I promise.

Come on, Steven.

Time to go.

Have a lovely day.

We'll see you later.

I thought that would get rid of her.

NARRATOR: First shop of the day is the Moseley Emporium.

So what's the plan for today, folks?

Shall we do like in Scooby Doo, and you go to the cellar, and I'll check out upstairs?

Oh, thanks, that's really brave.

Yeah, I'll go down in the cellar.

We're splitting up.

All right.

But Scooby would say, rrr-let's go.

NARRATOR: Flying solo, Steve is keen to impart his newfound antiques knowledge.

It's a lot of what you might call furniture here.

You see, I'm developing that amount of expertise.

I recognize this is furniture.

This is quite nice.

It's basically a chair you can put things in.

NARRATOR: Say what you see, Steve, and say what you see.

But will anything actually catch his interest?

There's a nice mirror here, although, sadly, it seems to come with a horrible reflection in it.

I hope that's optional.

NARRATOR: Speaking of scary sights, how is Christina getting on, six feet under?

Poor girl.

This actually is Scooby Doo.

You see, you should never make jokes.

NARRATOR: Interesting philosophy coming from a comedian.

That there is actually a mummy.

[SHOUTS] NARRATOR: No, not just to mummy-- Christina.

It's surprisingly comfortable in here.

I think I might stay for a while.

Yeah.

Just come back in a minute, I'm having a little snooze.

I mean, I hate to say this, but you will need one eventually.

NARRATOR: What a cheery thought.

Luckily, it's only a stage coffin.

Maybe one we'll save for later.

Maybe ask how much a second hand coffin is.

NARRATOR: Are you seriously considering buying a coffin?

STEVE PUNT: There's a nice mirror upstairs I think you should look at.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Should I stop being silly and come with you?

NARRATOR: Yes, please.

It gives me the creeps down here.

The mirror is priced at 85 pounds, but what does Christina think?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: I have sold them in the past, and they make 40 or 50 pounds.

I have sold some similar to that in a bit of a job lot for-- So we'd have to get a lot off that to make it worth-- Yes.

And I think we need a Masterclass in haggling before we do that.

Right.

Yes, I think we probably do.

NARRATOR: Oh dear.

That doesn't bode well.

But certainly one to bear in mind.

And what have they found on the stairwell now?

See, I'm rather drawn to that.

Yeah, it's really nice.

Oh, look, it's-- contracted to H.M. Government?

Is this where civil servants sat around playing billiards?

NARRATOR: It's a Thomas Padmore So it's got-- so he's got Edwardian on here, so that would indicate he thinks it's between 1901 and 1910.

I'd say maybe-- just nudging into the Victorian era, slightly earlier than that.

But it looks like it's made of oak, which is nice.

And obviously, these little ebony sliders-- I mean, they're still running so smoothly.

And beautiful, really lovely.

And I like it's sort of faded grandeur.

NARRATOR: So now with this, the coffin, and the mirror, that's three items they're interested in.

All that remains to be seen is what they can get the best price on.

Steve?

How brave are you feeling about haggling?

Well, if I could take you leaping out of a coffin at me, I feel I can maybe haggle a bit.

OK. Ready?

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Come on, Steve, you can do it.

It's all about eye contact, determination, and, above all, confidence.

So there's a mirror, right at the top, an Art Deco mirror.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Oh, no.

Don't be scared to ask.

Get the words out.

STEVE PUNT: We're thinking we would happily pay 40 pounds for that.

No, no, no.

STEVE PUNT: What's that?

What have I done wrong now?

Start at 30.

Oh, start at 30?

We-- me, myself, and my manager here, were hoping-- CHRISTINA TREVANION: Oh, god, this is like car crash television.

NARRATOR: Come on, Steve.

You get knocked down, you get back up again.

We were hoping that perhaps 30 pounds would take that mirror off your hands, sir?

NARRATOR: That's better, Steve.

It's 85.

For 85, I'll tell you what I'll do for you.

45.

NARRATOR: And what about, dare I say it, the coffin?

I think it's about 85, I'm not sure.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] --85?

No, no, that's the under seller.

Right.

Does that make a difference?

Yes, it's nicer than the selling.

Nice and cool.

Is it literally the bargain basement?

NARRATOR: Good line.

Here [INAUDIBLE] down on the price, then, Steve.

It's a bargain, because it will be 40 pound, but no less.

No less?

No less.

Do I take that, no less?

45, or I would have took it myself.

NARRATOR: Before Steve can make a decision, there's one final piece he needs a price on.

Now, the billiard scoring thing.

We like that.

I probably shouldn't have told you that.

No, we hated that.

We hated that, and we don't really want to buy it.

We're willing to pay you 30 pounds-- CHRISTINA TREVANION: 20 pounds.

20 pounds for the privilege of taking it away.

Well, I'll tell you what I'll do.

Getting off your hands, really.

It's 55, I think.

Yes?

Is it?

Yes, it is 55.

Yes, 55 on the sticker.

For the privilege of being in the shop, I'll do it for 25 and that's it.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: What do we think about the mirror?

Deep in our hearts, we prefer the scorer, don't we?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: If we bought the coffin and the scorer, is there any movement on the price?

What's that, 65?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Yeah.

60 pound, that's fair.

It really is.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Should we do it?

Yeah, let's do it.

We both want to do it, don't we?

The coffin.

The coffin and the scorer?

And the scorer.

I'm happy with that.

You can take both of them away for that and bury them, for all I care.

NARRATOR: Everyone's a joker today.

So for the princely sum of 60 pounds-- Pleasure doing business with you.

NARRATOR: --Steve can hold his head high at this victory as he walks away with a snooker scorer, and a coffin, and 264 pounds left to spend.

What on Earth are they planning to do with that coffin?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: There are just people in the hairdressers, just-- STEVE PUNT: I'm not surprised.

NARRATOR: Oh, shove it off down the local high street.

Good plan.

Just a couple of miles away, taking a break from shopping, Rory and David are at Mosley Road Baths.

This is also men's first class.

Off you go.

Designed for us, I think.

NARRATOR: During the Industrial Revolution, Birmingham emerged as one of the country's super cities.

Built in 1987, the Baths offered swimming as a luxury leisure activity, but were primarily providing washing facilities, as the majority of homes at that time did not have private bathrooms.

For more than a century, they became a focal point of the community, hosting dances and even a casualty station during the Second World War.

Today, Rory and David are meeting with Jennifer, a member of the Friends of Moseley Baths.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Hi.

I'm Jenny.

I'm Rory.

Hello, Jenny.

NARRATOR: They're a group campaigning to keep the Baths open, as the future of this spectacular building is in jeopardy.

All right.

Gentlemen, you are now in first class men's.

And what do we get for that, then?

I think you get a nicer towel.

Possibly two towels, but I'm not actually sure on the details.

OK, are we totally naked, or not?

No, no, no, no, no, please.

You've come through into here in the first class men's.

And you're going to be taken through to your cubicle, where the tub of hot water will await you.

RORY MCGRATH: How did they decide which man was a first class man and which man was the second class man?

MERCHANT: Well, I think it was how much you could afford.

NARRATOR: Some things never change.

So we've got our luxury soap and our nice towels.

You've got your soap.

There would never be three of us in here, of course.

One person.

Oh, I see.

Is there an attendant?

The attendants-- there, you can ring the bell.

I think there's a little notice on the door behind you.

You only had half an hour in the bath.

And you couldn't have extra hot, though we do hear stories of people taking-- staff taking backhanders in the old days to put in a little bit of extra hot.

Or even a manufacture's sort of key that was used to turn these enormous taps that you can see here.

Not in first class, generally.

Well, possibly a second class.

RORY MCGRATH: So how often would people use a facility like this?

About once a week.

If you were using the public baths, you might come once a week.

But for some families, poor families, it was such a luxury.

Maybe it was just on special occasions.

We had one person we interviewed for a memory project, a young woman who said she came here especially on the night before she got married to have a really special, good clean up before she went into a-- Very nice.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] I hope the husband did the same.

I hope he did.

NARRATOR: A lot has changed since 1987.

And with more and more bathrooms being built in houses, the baths became obsolete, though they remained open until 2004.

But it wasn't just about bathing.

The first and second class pool-- if you'd like to come with me now, I'll take you in and show you.

We'll go to the pool.

Have you got your swimming trunks on under there?

I've got a bikini.

NARRATOR: Let's hope he's joking.

The first class pool, or gala pool, has been closed since 2003, but its unique balconettes and cathedral-like structure are still a unique sight to behold.

What do we get here that they don't get in the second class pool?

In the first class pool, you get the best water, for a start.

When the bath-- I didn't know there are different sorts of waters.

I thought it was just the same stuff.

Clean and dirty?

RORY MCGRATH: Oh, I see you're kidding.

Before they had proper filtration and chlorination systems, is the water was stored in a very large cast iron tank in the roof.

The cold water was heated up.

It was used here in this, the first class pool.

After several days, it would have been gone through to the second class.

So you, basically, got used water for this pool.

RORY MCGRATH: So gala pool?

Why gala pool?

MERCHANT: Gala pool, because they had galas here.

And you'll notice in this pool, one special feature of it is a beautiful balcony that's going all the way around the top here.

So this would have been full of people, cheering on local inter-school galas.

This is in the period going back to the '50s and '60s, with the heyday.

Lots and lots of competitive swimming went on here.

Well, it's obvious then, Jenny, isn't it, that it's not in order anymore.

I mean, look at the building.

It's magnificent, but it really is in need of restoration.

MERCHANT: Yes, I absolutely agree.

NARRATOR: Next door, what was the second class pool is now the only part of the building still in use.

It's the oldest of only three grade-two listed pools still operating in the UK, and a wonderful piece of history.

In you go, boys.

Meanwhile, Steve and Christina are hot footing it north, to the beautiful cathedral city of Litchfield.

STEVE PUNT: In a sense, what we do is rather like what you do.

We scour the country looking for old jokes.

And then we polish them up a bit, and we try and sell them to a new audience.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: So we are nearing the end of our road trip now.

I know.

I just feel I'm just getting going.

NARRATOR: Good, because there's still more shopping to do.

I think I can smell antiques in this direction.

NARRATOR: Now he's done a bit of haggling, let's see if Steve can sniff out a bargain in James A. Jordan Antiques.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: This is quite lovely, isn't it?

I saw some twinkly things when I walked in.

Are you mainly jewelry?

STEVE PUNT: Do you want to look at the twinkly things, don't you?

Oh, Steve, I'm sorry.

Don't look at the twinkly things.

NARRATOR: Now it's Steve and Christina who sound like an old married couple.

So I'll have that one, that one, that one, that one, that one.

You have to bear in mind-- And earrings don't really suit me.

You have to bear in mind the budget.

What?

NARRATOR: Yeah, definitely like an old married couple.

I just saw this over there.

It's obviously a frame, very typically Edwardian.

This sort of typical swags, and garlands, and bows is typically 1901 to 1910.

What do you think?

Well, it's got a clear and obvious use, which is good.

Nice photo frames are much in demand.

Eternally popular.

STEVE PUNT: I like it.

- Should we ask the price?

- Yeah, let's ask the price.

- Yeah?

Now-- I know.

I know.

What do you want to do?

Do you want to do the haggling?

No, but I can do, if you want me to.

But I-- this is the last chance to haggle, so, really, you ought to do your stuff, really.

NARRATOR: It's probably for the best.

OK, Christina, before you start, just remember everything I taught you.

Really?

You'll be OK. You'll be OK. That's very kind.

NARRATOR: Yeah, thanks, Steve.

That's marked up at 20 pounds.

20 pounds.

OK. All right.

I would really be looking to pay maybe 10 pounds for it, really, at auction, to give us a fighting chance of it making any money at all.

Yeah, this is very much the correct technique.

Yeah?

Happy?

Yeah, you should have asked for it for nothing.

OK.

So a pound?

- 10 pounds is fine.

- Are you happy with 10 pounds?

- For a beginner, that's fine.

- Yeah?

Happy?

- Yeah, yeah.

OK, all right.

We'll have a deal on 10.

Oh, you were right.

I should have asked for a pound.

Pound?

NARRATOR: It wasn't free, but Steve and Christina did manage to get the picture frame for half price, bringing their total spends for this trip to 146 pounds.

Thank you.

Bye.

NARRATOR: Rory and David are also en route to Litchfield.

There are two cities in England with three spired cathedrals.

Litchfield is one of them.

NARRATOR: That's pub quiz gold.

You can admire the cathedral, I'll admire the antique center.

NARRATOR: Quite right, David.

This is no weather for sightseeing.

RORY MCGRATH: You'll have a party, look at that.

NARRATOR: Rory and David are sheltering in the abundantly stocked Litchfield Antique Center.

This is some proper what we call antiques here.

Well, I call them antiques.

Well, you are in the business.

NARRATOR: And Rory's keen to prove it.

RORY MCGRATH: I suspect you put a plant pot on top of it, do you?

You do, you do.

It's a bit art thing, isn't it?

It-- I can't believe it.

[SPEAKS FRENCH] NARRATOR: That's right, Rory.

French words always make you sound more knowledgeable.

You could say it adds a certain je ne sais quoi.

It's a tray.

It's a tray.

See, how good am I?

You know, you seriously need to change careers.

You know that, don't you?

It's made of something tree-based.

Tree-based.

NARRATOR: What an eye, eh?

Now that Rory has asserted himself as an antiques connoisseur, time for some serious shopping.

Now that's interesting.

Now what-- I've got no idea what that's made of.

Is that metal?

NARRATOR: Not tree-based then.

RORY MCGRATH: It looks odd.

it looks like it could be metal, but it doesn't-- it feels more sort of-- it's not wood even either, is it?

Have a feel of the weight of it.

Oh, it's light.

It's light, yeah.

That's interesting.

It's paper.

It's papier-mache.

Is that really papier-mache?

It's papier-mache from the height of the Victorian period.

But it's all gone to pot.

It hasn't been cared for all its life.

It's lost original decoration, it's been waxed and polished.

It hasn't been cared for.

It needs desperately restoring, but I still love it.

NARRATOR: There's no price tag, but armed with a list of defects, Rory is poised once more for some serious negotiations with dealer, Denise.

This has caught our eye.

We like it that it's not in perfect condition, is it?

No.

It's a really sweet, little table.

I like it.

It's got a charm.

But we're here on business.

Could I walk away with that for 10 pounds cash?

Oh, ouch.

We've got to start somewhere.

I could go around 30.

Oh.

You said 30, but you said 30 as if you were going to say 15.

That's what threw me.

Call it 20, we got a deal.

NARRATOR: Though it looks like he might finally have met his match.

You say 20, I say 15, meet me halfway at 16.

Oh, that's good.

16 pounds.

18 and we'll call it a deal.

17 pound 50.

Deal.

17 pound 50.

Unbelievable.

NARRATOR: I'll say.

DAVID HARPER: It's fantastic.

I'm enjoying this.

I'm getting the bug.

NARRATOR: Having spent a mere 17 pounds 50 on this Victorian papier-mache table, Rory and David have now bought their final lot, having spent a total of 121 pounds 50p.

See you again soon.

Bye bye.

NARRATOR: And with the shopping now finished, it's time to meet Steve and Christina to reveal their interesting array of artifacts.

DAVID HARPER: Here we go.

Amaze us.

Reveal.

Reveal.

Hey!

Who advised you that buying anything dead was a good idea?

NARRATOR: Says the woman with the coffin.

It's old and dead.

It's decorative, and it's showing respect to the creature by giving him a new home.

Don't think it's very happy.

I think it looks serene.

This is true.

How many people would love to see that on the wall of their local pub above a log fire?

- 55.

- 55.

You let me go.

Someone turns up, fitting out a vegetarian restaurant.

That would be a huge profit.

What about that 1870 papier-mache occasional table with rather interesting cast metal duck webbed feet?

What happened to the base, though?

That's not very good, is it?

Well, it's all-- it's just patternated.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] It's massively repaired.

And oh, no, it's called patternation.

What did you pay for that?

It's got patternation.

Buildup of, you know-- It's got a massive repair on the bottom.

RORY MCGRATH: Character, Christina.

I would be surprised if you paid any more than 20 pounds for it.

Well, you bought it, baby.

Give us the-- 20 pounds.

Oh, there we go.

Happy days.

I must remember that if something's old and filthy, it's got patternation.

I like that.

NARRATOR: Yeah.

Spoken like a true expert, Steve, but let's see what they think of your selection.

Ready?

That's a coffin.

It's a coffin.

You know what?

I thought, no, it can't be, just looks like one.

It really is one.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: It was a stage coffin.

DAVID HARPER: It should have just stayed.

STEVE PUNT: It's a comedy coffin.

DAVID HARPER: I don't like it.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Is there anything else that you would like to comment on?

Anything at all?

Well, I don't know why you bought the 21st century-- CHRISTINA TREVANION: What would you-- what do you think it is?

RORY MCGRATH: That was made last Tuesday.

It's not heavily patterned enough.

It's the BBC News logo, isn't it?

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Yes, exactly.

No, it's nice.

It's a piece of garden statuary.

It's a nice thing.

I'll tell you what.

It's a conversation piece.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Exactly.

We're having a conversation about it right now.

Yes.

Exactly.

It works.

Yeah.

Well, I seriously do not think we can have got a more eclectic mix than what we've got here.

Eclectic.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: Well done.

Eclectic is the word.

That Is the word.

Definitely.

NARRATOR: Neither team seems particularly impressed by the other's purchases.

I was disappointed.

- For them.

- For them, yeah.

I was disappointing for them.

The boar's head-- I find it a slightly frightening thing.

And they trying to be very disparaging over our lovely boar's head.

I know.

And they produce a coffin?

Oh, hello?

- Hello?

Death?

For death?

What says death?

Yeah.

You've either got to give it all or nothing.

Well, and they've given it nothing.

Well, they've given it a little bit.

Rory.

Shall we have a round of golf?

You've got a great idea, yes.

NARRATOR: Well, there's no holding back there, but who will have the last laugh remains to be seen, as the next stop is the auction, in the picturesque village of Langar in Nottinghamshire.

STEVE PUNT: I'm a bit worried about the boar.

I think, basically, it's an all or nothing situation there.

You either want a really ferocious pig on your wall, or you don't.

NARRATOR: And Kristina really doesn't.

Say what on Earth possessed you to go out and buy a boar's head.

Well, how dare you mention anything to do with my boar's head, when you bought a blinking coffin.

NARRATOR: He's got you there, Christina.

Can you get out my parking place?

Yeah, absolutely.

Come on in.

Loving that shirt, Rory.

I think he has stolen actually from my room.

Do you think?

NARRATOR: But bizarrely left those trousers behind.

Oh, actually it started.

You know, you two are late.

Yeah, you are.

NARRATOR: Hurry up, chaps.

Today we're at Henry Spencer's Auctioneers for a general sale, with auctioneer David Ward.

I think they've done very well.

The BOAR is a very interesting item.

We've had a look at it.

We think it'll probably make between 80 and 120 pounds.

Hopefully, that'll be a good result for them.

NARRATOR: Yikes.

DAVID WARD: Well, the coffin is an interesting item.

Quirky items tend to go well.

And we're probably thinking it could fetch between 40 and 100 pounds.

NARRATOR: With a little divine intervention.

Rory and David had a right giggle, but spent just 121 pounds and 50p on five lots.

DAVID HARPER: What should we call the boar, Diane?

Boris.

Oh, Boris the Boar.

NARRATOR: And no one could accuse Steve and Kristina of being boring either, as they got six lots for 146 pounds.

Oh, god, this is like car crash television.

NARRATOR: The more competitive Rory certainly came out on top of haggling, but who will win at the all important auction?

Oh, well, good luck, good luck.

Come on.

NARRATOR: First up is Steve and Kristina's armillary sphere.

We really like this one.

A little tat for your garden.

Ooh!

Who's got 20 pounds for it?

We're never-- 20 pounds.

Straight in?

I can't believe.

35?

Got 30?

Say 35?

35?

40?

Yeah, go on.

It's being sold at 35 pounds.

That's not bad.

I'll take that.

I'll take that.

NARRATOR: And in spite of the other team's unsporting comments, Steve and Christina walk away with a 7 pound profit.

A very good start to profit.

NARRATOR: Next up is Rory and David's classy glasses.

Who's got 10 pounds for them?

A fiver?

Is that each?

WOMAN: [INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE] DAVID WARD: Who'll say 8?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] - Come on.

- 8.

Have we got 10?

We got 10.

Very rare item.

Never been used.

DAVID WARD: 18.

The girls will think you're fantastic if you open one [INAUDIBLE] We got 18.

Going for 18 pounds.

No, no, no.

It's got to be a 20.

[GAVEL BANGS] Oh, no.

NARRATOR: Oh, bad luck.

There'll be no champagne popping for those glasses today.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: So have you lost?

- Yeah, lost a little bit there.

- Lost some money.

Oh, this is my sad face.

Oh, look at that.

NARRATOR: Next up is Steve's favorite item, the cigarette cards.

But will anyone else love them?

DAVID WARD: I've got 5 pounds there.

I should think so.

Someone with a sense of history.

DAVID WARD: Got 10 pounds.

Got 12?

Got 12.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Got 18.

20?

Oh, they're on fire.

They're on fire.

CHRISTINA TREVANION: No, they're not.

They're not, they're not on fire.

DAVID WARD: 20 pounds?

25?

25.

30?

He says no.

No, because I turned round.

It's worth it for how to build a shelter alone.

NARRATOR: That's a great profit for them.

Does that mean I'm not quite as weird as I thought I was?

Surprising, that.

Well done.

NARRATOR: Well, Rory got quite the deal on his signed theater programs and menus, but will his efforts be rewarded?

Who's got 30 pounds for it?

20?

Go on.

Morecambe Got a phone bid from Bruce Forsyth.

Got 10 pounds bid.

You at 15?

15.

20?

20.

25?

You 30?

30.

You 35?

DAVID HARPER: Go on.

Oh, that would be our fresh bidder.

Another bidder.

35 pounds, just in time.

You 40?

Oh, you'll regret it.

You will.

Anymore bids?

Sold to the lady at 35 pounds.

Well done.

25 pounds profit, that's brilliant.

NARRATOR: Yeah, it really is.

Bless Kim and her woolen shop, eh?

Very good.

Pleased with that.

NARRATOR: Christina loves her silver, but will it bring in a blinging good profit?

DAVID WARD: 30?

Are you kidding?

20?

20 pounds.

- Oh, they're all up now.

They're going crazy.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Got around on 20.

I've got one in the passageway, 25.

30?

30?

35.

You 40?

40 pounds.

A 45 is back in.

Are you 50?

Being sold at 45 pounds.

Well done.

Yeah, well done auctioneer.

NARRATOR: Well done, Steve and Christina.

That's another profit racked up.

Admittedly, a tiny profit, but a profit.

That's OK.

Slow and steady wins the race.

NARRATOR: And for our next lot, it's Rory and David's 19th century papier-mache occasional table, with a touch of patternation.

DAVID WARD: Are you 20?

Got 20 pounds.

What, 22?

Yes.

You have 25?

Got 28.

You come in 30?

Got 30 pounds.

You can make 32?

Make no mistake, it's going to be sold for 30-- you 32?

32.

Go girl.

It's being sold at 32 pounds for the lady in green.

Oh, well done.

NARRATOR: Another brilliant profit for Steve and Rory.

Rory's haggling skills are really paying off.

Even Steve finally stepped up to the haggling challenge with his next item.

Who's got 20 pounds for it?

For your mantelpiece.

Who's got a tenner for it?

10 pounds.

You 12, sir?

12.

You 15?

Got 15 pounds?

Nobody?

It's got to be more than that.

Classy.

Who says 18?

Classy item.

Lovely thing.

Any advance on 15 pounds?

Will be sold at 15.

[GAVEL BANGS] Our first loss.

NARRATOR: A disappointing score, but not a massive loss.

Will Rory's copper dish, circa 1900, bring home another profit?

Got 20 pounds at the front of the room.

It'll keep on going.

25?

Got 25.

30 madam?

Got 25.

Got 30.

35?

35 at the back.

What about 40?

Ladies, no better.

Got 40 pounds.

45?

Got 45 at the back of the room.

Any more bids?

[GAVEL BANGS] What did it make?

45.

Oh, well done.

NARRATOR: Yeah.

Another great result for team Rory and David.

Think that was well-deserved.

It's a really nice pace.

NARRATOR: Very supporting of you, Steve.

Let's hope your picture frame does as well.

I've got 10 pounds, front of the room.

STEVE PUNT: Well worth more.

12 at the back.

15?

15.

18.

20.

20 pounds.

25?

25.

You 30?

Imagine your nephew in there.

DAVID WARD: 30 pounds.

35?

STEVE PUNT: Or you grandchildren.

Now being sold at 30.

Well done.

NARRATOR: Both teams are bringing in the cash.

It's hard to keep track of who's on top.

And from a picture perfect moment to a deathly one, hopefully no one's got a corpse in the audience today.

Right, we have a very interesting item now.

It's a coffin.

Solid wood construction.

And I understand this had one careful owner, but never actually been used.

20.

Got 20 pounds in the back.

Of course you got 20 pounds.

Are you not feeling very well?

25.

30.

- Think of the Halloween value.

- 35.

40?

Come on, go one more.

45?

Being sold at 40 at the back of the room.

Oh, no.

NARRATOR: Breaking even is no mean feat, but is this death to their chances of winning?

Well, I'll tell you what.

I can be on [INAUDIBLE] and that made much more than I ever dreamt it was going to make.

NARRATOR: It all rests on Rory and David's biggest purchase, Boris the Boar.

This could be their make or break.

Come on, Boris.

He's called Boris.

It's Boris, yeah.

Go on, Boris.

100.

Yes, come on, Boris.

Come on Boris.

You can do better than that.

You say 110?

Let's say 200.

110?

Sold at 110?

No, come on, Boris.

120?

Yes, that's it.

You are very strong.

I've got 120.

Go on, then.

Go on.

One more, you might get it.

Sold for 130.

Excellent.

Any advance on 130?

Being sold at 130 pounds.

Oh.

Thank you very much.

NARRATOR: Absolutely amazing.

Rory's keen eye certainly picked a winner there.

Right, well that's it.

We now need to go and work our figures.

Oh, it's a matter of time, is it?

NARRATOR: Well, it's been a funny old road trip, but the numbers are in.

And Steve and Christina made a small profit after auction costs, at 9 pounds and 80p, leaving them with 409 pounds and 80p.

But thanks largely to Boris the Boar, Rory and David came out on top, with an amazing 91 pounds and 70p profit after costs, and the final figure of 491 pounds and 70p.

A brilliant road trip and a fabulous victory, with all profits going to children in need.

So you know what they say in antiques?

Losers drive.

Cannot believe you beat me again.

I know.

It's awful.

It's awful.

See you guys!

Stay in touch now.

Thanks for the memory.

We had a few laughs, and it's good to see you again after all these years.

I think we've had quite a lot of fun, actually, haven't we?

We've had an indecent amount of fun.

NARRATOR: So at the end of an incredible road trip, all that's left to say is thanks for coming.

You've been a right laugh.

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