Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

VO: The nation's favorite celebrities... Wow!

VO: ..paired up with an expert... Ow.

Ow.

Get it sorted.

VO: ..and a classic car.

She's beautiful.

We're steaming.

VO: Their mission - to scour Britain for antiques.

Is that antique?

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

VO: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

VO: But it's no easy ride...

There's a dog chasing us!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

I love that.

VO: Who will take the biggest risk?

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

Yeah, OK, I know what that means.

VO: There will be worthy winners...

Yes!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

Disaster.

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let's go shopping.

Woo-hoo!

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Wicked!

VO: Today's treasure-seekers have plenty of youthful exuberance to make up for their lack of experience.

We're on the Antiques Road Trip.

Yep.

What do you actually know about antiques?

Erm...

They're dusty.

Older than me and you.

VO: Good answer.

Because with a combined age of just 47, Jordan Banjo and his fellow street dancer, Perri Kiely, must be amongst our youngest ever trippers.

When I think antique, is it weird that I think of a spoon?

No.

I know exactly what you mean.

PERRI: Like, a silver spoon?

Yeah, yeah.

Like a little spoon, yeah.

Anything that, like, is shiny.

If it's silver, I'm just gonna pick it up.

What are you, a magpie?

Is it a magpie that goes for shiny things?

(LAUGHS) It is that, OK.

I was scared I'd got the wrong one then.

VO: (LAUGHS) Antiques tenderfoots, but stars of the Britain's Got Talent winning Diversity troupe, about to step out of their comfort zone, are Jordan, a former ballet dancer and Perri... Is that antique?

VO: Sagittarius.

Still, at least they're behind the wheel of a MG BGT - get it?

I'm actually starting to really enjoy driving this car.

Yeah, I think it's sick.

Do you know what car I really want?

A Ford Anglia.

You know the one from Harry Potter, the one that flies?

(LAUGHS) And it's only because it's from Harry Potter, isn't it?

Yeah, of course.

(LAUGHS) VO: Once more, our pair of prodigies have a duo of Dumbledores on hand in the form of auctioneers James Braxton and Phil Serrell.

Not got a Ford Anglia though.

Would you mind if I said something awfully personal?

Yeah, fire away.

Did you miss the razor this morning?

It's a new look, I... Are you trying to look trendy?

Well I thought, you know, they're young lads.

Yeah.

I want to make them feel comfortable.

VO: Sympathetic experts in a red Alfa - check.

�400 each - check.

JORDAN: Why is it bouncing so much?

Are you in the wrong gear?

No, I was in second gear.

VO: Sounds like a case of BGT, or Broken: Get Tony.

So apparently I've broken a very expensive classic car.

All I did was stall.

I swear that's all that happened.

Tony's trying to fix it as we speak.

Fingers crossed.

I want to get back on the Antiques Road Trip, man, but at the moment it's not looking positive.

VO: Well, when we do finally get started, they'll kick off in the Hertfordshire village of Royston, before thoroughly exploring this corner of the east of England.

Then cross Old Father Thames towards an auction in Greenwich.

Ooh, hang on... PERRI: Lovely to meet you, mate.

JAMES: Yeah, good to meet you.

PHIL: So, here we are.

JORDAN: Here we are.

This is very exciting.

Who's going to work with who?

Well, I think Perri... Yeah, if you like winning then...

I want some hair tips.

I was thinking more hair actually.

I need some hair tips, Perri.

PERRI: Yeah, that's fine.

I'll give you some product, James.

It's fine.

Just one thing.

Could you just, you know, either...

Right, yeah, sorry.

Got you.

That's lovely.

Are you feeling confident?

JAMES: Yeah, I'm feeling good.

PERRI: I've got James.

Anyone in a hat like this and this little handkerchief... (LAUGHS) Right, let's do this.

PERRI: Alright, let's do it.

(ENGINE SPLUTTERS) VO: Er... Tony?

(GROANS) So you'll stop and help us.

Yeah, yeah, don't want help.

Yeah, that's fine.

JAMES: Bye!

PERRI: See you later.

VO: Looks like Perri and James may have got a bit of a leg-up.

They're actually off.

We're stuffed, aren't we?

VO: Taxi!

Now Perri, do you collect anything?

Besides Pokemon cards when I was younger, James.

Well, that's a good start.

I've got to get them Shinings.

JAMES: OK, OK. Well, let's see if we can migrate you into something else.

Also, obviously haggling... JAMES: Yeah.

PERRI: ..is a big part of this.

Yeah.

I don't think I'm very good at haggling.

Well, maybe I'll do the first haggle.

OK. Yeah, if you do the first haggle, maybe the second, third and fourth... Yeah.

And then maybe the fifth, and then we're set.

VO: The youth of today, eh?

(CHUCKLES) Ah, the others are finally on the road as well.

So, Phil, in regards to the stuff we're looking to buy, is there any tactics for shopping?

Because personally, my tactic is see and have it.

I spend so much money on random stuff I don't need.

If you let me loose in the first shop, the budget's gonna be gone.

VO: Well, it will anyway, if that taxi isn't on account.

Welcome to Royston and Wheeler's.

This looks pretty... Do you think so?

I think it's alright.

I've got a strong feeling.

So we've instantly started.

I always like to see antiques outside.

PERRI: Are these maracas?

JAMES: No, they're not maracas.

That's an exercise, isn't it, drill.

PERRI: Oh!

JAMES: And I suppose juggling.

PERRI: Oh, OK.

So, juggling.

JAMES: Juggling sticks.

PERRI: Not maracas, see.

JAMES: No.

I think you should lead the way, James.

VO: Yeah, he knows his stuff.

After you.

OK. Let's do it.

VO: Looks like they've landed on their feet.

(CHUCKLES) No pun intended.

We're not going to find an antiques shop like this in a hurry.

And that's why I brought you here, James.

JAMES: Yep.

PERRI: Cuz I knew it.

VO: That'll be Mr Wheeler himself.

MILES: Hi there, I'm Miles.

JAMES: Miles.

James.

MILES: Hi, nice to meet you.

PERRI: Perri.

Nice to meet you.

VO: �400 to spend, remember.

What about this helmet?

(LAUGHS) It fits quite snug.

It's a good fit.

What do you think, Miles?

Not a bad fit, yeah.

I think it's alright.

(LAUGHTER) VO: Meanwhile, Jordan and Phil are finally approaching their first shop.

So do you think in Cambridge we're going to find some good buys?

We're going to get some steals here?

You know you go to seats of academia, and you always perhaps think that there'll be interesting things there by the nature of the people who live there, so I think there will be some cool things.

VO: Plus, you could always swap that cab and take a punt!

As our route moves into the second county of the day, and a mere stone's throw from a few of those aforementioned colleges, is Cambridge Antiques Centre.

Get some good bits.

VO: �400 worth, perhaps.

PHIL: It's a good shop, this.

JORDAN: It's a good shop.

It's a good shop but I've got a challenge for you, Jordan.

I want you to find me, without looking at prices... No cheating.

..the most expensive thing in the shop.

Let your eye be the guide.

Alright, let's do it.

VO: So with Phil's gnomic words ringing in his ears, the quest begins.

Not that.

(SIGHS) Not that.

I'm struggling, this is really hard.

This is hard, man.

VO: I wonder where his expert's got to?

Help Phil keep up, get him one of these.

I just don't feel like this one's epic enough for Phil, do you know what I mean?

Look, it's just, it doesn't scream Phil, does it?

He's quite an epic dude.

He's a bit like Gandalf.

Something like this, like his staff.

VO: Back in Royston, James seems much more hands-on.

And you huff on the marks and then it makes them clearer.

So that's a puff on the mark... Huff on the mark, and you can see the wear.

So that would have been a sauce boat.

Do you like sage and onion dressing?

(JAMES LAUGHS) No, I don't think so.

VO: Stick with me, kid.

That's quite flashy, that one.

PERRI: Cool.

JAMES: Look at that.

Oh, yeah, look how it changes.

Yeah.

So that is known as a tiger's eye.

But it's quite big, it's a sort of semiprecious stone from Africa.

And then it's got a silver collar here, and then this ebony cane.

So ebony's quite a hard, very hard wood.

Has it got some weight to it?

Ah, you're learning.

Very... PERRI: It has.

JAMES: You're learning.

I am learning.

(LAUGHS) That's good, isn't it?

VO: Ha!

Got your eye on that one.

What about stuff like this, the elephant?

JAMES: Do you like the elephant one?

PERRI: The elephant.

I like the elephant.

JAMES: I don't know what it's about.

Should we ask Miles?

Yeah.

Miles?

(LAUGHS) MILES: You alright?

PERRI: And he's just here.

And he's just here.

What on earth is this, Miles?

Well, basically, in the tribes, they used to wear it on their head as a hat.

They would have sort of danced around in it and if you lift it off... Oh, so they'd have worn it like that.

MILES: Exactly like that, yeah.

PERRI: Oh, OK, cool.

And you danced around like that.

Yeah.

Exactly, yeah.

But it looks great on the wall, doesn't it?

Yeah.

VO: Whatever you say, chief.

And has it got any age, Miles?

Um, I'd suggest it's probably '60s, maybe back to the '40s, something like that.

But not, it's not going to be Victorian, but it's got a good amount of age for that sort of tribal art.

JAMES: It's great, isn't it?

PERRI: I think it's perfect.

So can that be cheap, Miles?

I can do a reasonable price on that, it's...

I could do about �150 on that one.

It's a big lump.

And it's a very big decorative piece, standout piece in a room.

PERRI: I like it a lot.

JAMES: I think it's got style.

PERRI: Yeah, 100%.

I can see it on a wall.

VO: I can see it in a Greenwich auction.

How are things in Cambridge though?

Well, Jordan, how have you done?

I feel like I've cracked it, mate.

It's... What is it?

Well, it's big, it's sturdy.

Am I close, am I right?

Well I can tell you what it is without looking at the price.

That's a Victorian mahogany chest of drawers.

It was made round about 1870-ish.

In a saleroom it'll make between �100 and �200, and it's probably priced up at about, er, �265.

What's it say?

That's embarrassing, Phil, it was �268.

JORDAN: Get it right, mate.

PHIL: Oh!

VO: Yeah, guru.

Pah!

Fortunately, Jordan's search has also unearthed something he'd actually quite like to buy.

It was one of the first things that caught my eye.

I breezed past it and saw it.

Mate, this table, I love it.

I think it's...

I don't know anything about antiques, I don't know whether it's worth a lot, whether it's worth nothing.

I just love the way it looks, man.

I think it's so cool.

Right, what are we looking for?

There's a signature here.

Adri or Arri of Belgium... JORDAN: Yeah.

PHIL: ..and it's tiled.

What you want to look for in anything like this is, are any of the tiles damaged?

Are they cracked?

Are they broken?

And this looks absolutely fine to me.

I gotta tell you, PHIL: I really like that.

JORDAN: I think it's wicked.

OK, it's �180.

The auction's in Greenwich.

Greenwich is really trendy, isn't it?

A cool place to be.

Lots of wealthy young people.

PHIL: So you kind of think... JORDAN: Something like that.

Yeah.

We don't want to take a Victorian mahogany chest of drawers there, do we?

No.

And that's exactly why I picked it, Phil.

What a quick learner.

(LAUGHS) What a quick learner.

VO: Off to our other masterclass in Royston.

Every hotel would have had one of these.

So, a Sheffield-plated cake...

They were cake stands.

So wedding cakes.

It's really nice.

But it's great, so you'd have, you know they'd have those circular tiers.

Yep.

So that would be the bottom one and then you'd tier up.

Miles?

We've found this rather fun cake stand in its box.

How much would something like that be?

I could do about �80 on it.

JAMES: �80?

MILES: Yeah.

VO: So the shopping list now includes the unpriced cane, the elephant mask at �150 and this little find.

I'd like to buy that at �50.

Yep.

I'd like to buy the tiger's eye at �50.

What about �230, Miles?

I'll do the �250 if that's any good to you.

Do you want to shake the man's hand?

PERRI: Let's do it.

JAMES: OK.

Thank you, Miles.

Miles, thank you very much indeed.

Really good.

VO: Quite a start, eh?

You might even call it "wicked".

Is this the chief, or the village idiot's hat?

When you're wearing it James... PERRI: ..chief.

JAMES: Off we go.

Miles, thank you very much.

Now that's really good.

Now that's what I call shopping.

VO: Let's put the trunk in the trunk, eh?

Old Ellie the Elephant, he can go in there.

VO: And while the Alfa fires up, it looks like Jordan's wish list has a new addition.

This caught my eye.

I just think it's something that's really cool.

Well, I can tell you absolutely nothing about that artist.

What I can tell you is, there's never been a brush anywhere near that.

This has all been done with a palette knife.

That's just made me want it even more.

PHIL: Really?

JORDAN: Yeah.

I think that's wicked.

It's by a man called... Orimoloye.

Painted in 2010, so it's quite contemporary.

VO: Nigerian painter Daniel Gbenga Orimoloye has works in private and public collections around the world, so that might well be a shrewd choice and it's fun.

Is there a price ticket on it?

No, there's not.

OK, well why don't we grab it off the wall and go and have a chat with the dealer?

And it might be that we can perhaps talk money... PHIL: ..about the two together.

JORDAN: Make a deal.

Now then, very often, very often you can tell as much about a painting from the back as you can from the front.

They're inscribed.

So what does it say on the back?

There you are, look, I told you.

Absolutely nothing.

Nothing.

(LAUGHTER) VO: Just when he was sounding so convincing.

Time to talk to proprietor Stephen.

Stand by.

I don't know what the price is on this and we're not even going to bother asking you, but we'd kind of like to buy the two together, wouldn't we?

Yes.

The tile-top coffee table and this.

I'm going to unleash my new best mate on you because he's a charmer and I'm not.

Right!

(LAUGHS) What, what can you do, Stephen?

Because we really want both.

Genuinely.

What about �140 for them both?

140 for them both?

Don't weaken, don't weaken.

I'm not weakening.

Don't weaken!

Don't weaken.

Cuz I can't... That is good.

That's good.

�110?

Joking aside, because I really, really really want you to do well... OK. ..you can have them both for �100 and you're going to pay me cash, aren't you?

�100 for the two?

Yes.

Thank you very much.

Cheerio.

PHIL: Pay the man!

JORDAN: Done deal.

VO: Thanks Stephen.

�60 for the coffee table and �40 for the painting.

I'll bring this, you bring the table.

Yeah, I'll bring the table.

VO: And while they hail their next Joe Baxi... JORDAN: Here's the taxi.

PHIL: Woah, woah!

VO: ..those blessed with a motor that actually works are making the most of it.

Nice little Italian car, isn't it?

I really, really like it.

I haven't actually drove a manual car... For how long?

For a good few years.

I can't spend 12 hours in a dance studio, banging out... (LAUGHS) ..and then have to put my foot on the clutch.

VO: Quite right.

VO: The Alfa is currently pointing towards the Cambridgeshire town of St Neots and the Great Ouse river, where Perri and James are about to sample the entirely gear-free sport of dragon boat racing.

Hey, I'm Perri.

Ian.

Nice to meet you.

PERRI: How are you doing?

JAMES: James.

IAN: How do you do?

JAMES: Good to meet you.

Where did it come from?

It looks sort of Chinese-y.

It absolutely is, yeah.

So it's about 2,500 years old.

In China, the dragon is a water animal.

And so every year they have these big water festivals to celebrate the harvest every year when they're gathering in the rice, and people celebrate by taking part in competitions in these huge boats.

VO: What began in the Pearl River Delta has now spread around the world, using lightweight boats and crews of varying numbers, but always with a dragon and a drum.

(RHYTHMIC DRUMMING) JAMES: Very good.

This keeps the timing of... ..for everyone.

IAN: Absolutely.

So it sets the time, and then everybody just goes to the pace of the beat of the drum...

So if someone's come direct from a party, or a rave... Yeah.

PERRI: ..and they bring the party to the boat, does everyone start going crazy?

Well, yeah, you shoot up the river as fast as you can go.

(LAUGHS) I've watched Hawaii Five-O... Yeah.

And I know they get...

It's all in the feet, isn't it?

You have to lock yourself in.

Lock yourself in.

Inside leg forward, and then you push the boat past.

So have you had experience of this, James?

I've rowed but I've never done sort of... Yeah, it's not rowing.

It's completely different.

So we go forwards, not backwards.

VO: And to do that, you'll need a paddle.

JAMES: Ah, Rachel.

RACHEL: Guys, your weapons.

JAMES: Weapons, excellent.

RACHEL: Yeah.

So this way, right?

So hand on the top.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bottom hand about one fist-width up.

Yeah?

That's it.

Perfect.

So your natural sides, I'm guessing.

PERRI: Yeah, right side.

RACHEL: Equal opponents.

That's it.

(WHISTLES) Yeah, so that's it.

Perfect.

I've got the edge on you.

You think you've got it?

JAMES: Yeah.

PERRI: Yeah, we'll see.

JAMES: I've got the edge.

PERRI: We'll see.

Do you know, I'm not even showing him my technique so when we get there it's pure fire.

VO: Do you think Perri might want to win by any chance?

(CHUCKLES) Time to get the crews on board.

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM) I'm in.

VO: The sport became popular in the UK after World War II because of connections to the Hong Kong community.

Wow.

(LAUGHS) RACHEL: Are you a bit nervous?

PERRI: Yeah.

I talk when I'm nervous.

VO: Competition began in 1980 and St Neots has two teams that compete at the highest level.

PERRI: Oh, I just splashed myself as well.

This hair takes very long to dry.

(LAUGHS) VO: But right now they're simply Team James and Team Perri.

Bury that blade.

Get it in the water.

VO: Good luck everyone.

Attention!

Go!

Two... Three... Four... And one... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six...

He can't have this!

VO: Golly it's tight.

(DRUM BEAT) Reach out with it.

Aw, we've got this.

We've got this.

(DRUM BEAT) Good, well done.

Looking good.

Drive!

Drive!

Yeah!

VO: Team Perri takes it!

But while those two have been messing about on the river... ..Jordan and Phil have kept the taxi clock running.

Plenty of room in the back though, I suppose.

Do you think you'd have made it without BGT?

No.

Britain's Got Talent was a huge, huge platform, because if I said you've got 11 boys from Essex who are street dancers.

Yeah.

And, you know, they're gonna win a talent show, and then they're gonna sell out the O2 arena... no one believed it, let alone us.

VO: It's just a shame we couldn't have had them all buying antiques.

The thing that I would rate as one of your biggest achievements... Like for my generation, blokes dancing is not really cool.

There was a mum who came up to us at one of our shows and she was like my boy used to dance, absolutely loved it but he stopped, and he saw us on Britain's Got Talent, and he was like, "Mum, I wanna get back into dancing.

"Like Diversity have really made me wanna get back into dancing."

A year later he was the lead in Billy Elliott in the West End.

Yeah.

And I hear stories like that and I go, "That's so, so good."

VO: Our pair are about to shake a leg in Diversity's home county, at the Essex village of Steeple Bumpstead.

PHIL: This'll do, won't it?

VO: I should say so.

Still have three of their original 400 left, remember.

Graham.

Jordan.

Jordan, lovely to meet you.

I recognize you.

Nice to see you.

How are you, my friend?

Are you well?

I'm good, thank you.

Very good.

VO: Now is there anything in here with Jordan's name on it?

Phil?

VO: (LAUGHS) PHIL: Is that a banjo?

JORDAN: It's not a banjo.

I wish it was but it's something more epic, mate.

It's called a banjolini.

I want that to be my surname.

PHIL: It is!

JORDAN: Jordan Banjolini.

It's just got a ring to it.

You should be the Godfather, shouldn't you?

Vito Banjolini.

Make him an offer he can't refuse.

(LAUGHS) What do you reckon, potential?

I wouldn't have a clue.

VO: It combines the body of a banjo with the neck and strings of a mandolin.

Very '30s.

I quite like that.

It's got a nice bit of wear on it.

Patina is the word, not wear.

Patina.

JORDAN: Patina.

PHIL: Patina.

I wouldn't have a clue what that's worth cuz I've never sold one before, but I would think at auction that's gonna make... ..�40 to �60, something like that.

Shall we see if there's anything else that we can... JORDAN: Mental note.

PHIL: Yeah.

This is a potential.

A big potential.

VO: Plucking good start, I'd say.

No price though.

What do you reckon - boot scraper?

JORDAN: A boot scraper?

PHIL: A boot scraper.

Phil, mate, come on, look.

We've spent a bit of time together now.

Yeah.

Have I taught you nothing?

The auction's in London.

We're selling in London.

Who's scraping boots in London, mate?

Come on Phil, get with it!

Let's go.

Kids.

Hate 'em.

VO: This lad does have a point, Phil.

Potential new performance headpiece, what we thinking?

VO: I think you'd better ask Mr Cowell.

No.

Love the shop, but I feel like I'm starting to find my feet, I'm already looking forward to the haggling part.

I feel like I might have to nick Phil's job, I'm just enjoying it so much.

VO: Watch out, teach!

Phil, what's this mate?

This is cool.

It's, erm... ..probably French.

These are spelter, rather than bronze, and it looks like we've got a leopard and a lion.

This is typical art deco, typical French.

And a lot of these are made as clock garnitures.

So you'd have a clock in the center made out of similar stuff.

Right.

And then you'd have like a candlestand or a figure on one end and the same the other end.

But this would have gone on a mantelpiece.

How old are you talking here?

PHIL: '20s?

JORDAN: Oh, wow.

OK. 1920s.

So it's real good art deco.

We've got a bit of a break here, look.

I don't know what the price is, but...

If you were really really wealthy, you'd have had one of these, but these would've been bronze.

JORDAN: I really like it.

PHIL: Mm.

I would love to buy it.

What I do like is if you do buy... PHIL: ..Vito Banjolini... JORDAN: Yeah.

..and this little piece, add it to what we've bought before, what we have got is a certain amount of... .."diversity".

(CLICKS FINGERS) I like that, Phil.

That's good.

VO: Time to talk to Graham.

Hello, Graham.

Hello, mate.

Hi, again.

(LAUGHS) Hi, again, Graham.

We've done all this.

VO: Going well so far.

I love this.

Both of these together.

Mm-hm.

What can you do?

It was originally priced out at �550.

VO: Ouch!

Because it's now as found... JORDAN: Yeah.

PHIL: Which is damage really.

The best I can do on that is �250.

Er... You're not going to take �200 on both.

GRAHAM: I'll do it at �150.

JORDAN: OK. PHIL: We're gonna buy this.

JORDAN: OK. �150, we're gonna buy this.

What's your very best on that?

Gotta be �100.

Conversation over.

Pay the man �150.

Let's do it.

VO: One out of two ain't bad.

JORDAN: There you go, sir.

GRAHAM: Thank you very much.

And that's �50.

VO: I think they'll have to come back for those old cats.

Phil, I feel like we've had a good day, mate.

It's been a wonderful day.

So good.

We've had great deals, I feel like I've taught you so much.

You have indeed.

There's one more thing I've got to teach you, mate.

What's that?

How to do a celebration dance.

Phil, don't leave me hanging, mate.

PHIL: Shall I lead, or you?

JORDAN: OK, you lead.

(HUMS) Oh, nice.

Yes, Phil.

(HUMS) Nice.

And we're off.

VO: Ha-ha!

Sleep tight.

VO: Next day, the MG's up and running.

Look out!

(SHRIEKS) VO: And the band's back together.

How was you and your haggles?

Did you do it?

Do you know what, I'm gonna use it for absolutely everything.

I was gonna walk into the petrol station.

"�60 of fuel, sir?"

(LAUGHS) I doubt that.

"I think you'll find it was �25.

Come on, Karen, what's the best you can you do?

VO: It's all about the money, honey!

PERRI: How much did you spend yesterday?

Like, what have you got left?

So I spent �250, so I've got �150 left.

PERRI: Oh, snap!

JORDAN: Same as you?

PERRI: Yeah, exact.

JORDAN: How many items?

Yaaass.

Erm, three.

Three?

I got three items as well!

That's sick!

VO: Psst - sick means great.

What with Jordan and Phil acquiring some art deco big cats, a painting and a 1970s coffee table.

This table, I love it.

VO: I love it!

And Perri and James picking up a wedding cake stand, a tiger's eye cane and a passenger in the back seat.

Let me see this bad boy.

Look!

JORDAN: That is pretty cool.

PERRI: Is it like a mask?

No, it's like an African... tribal... (LAUGHS) ..helmet.

Look, so they put that on there... ..and then they just go for like a little dance and that.

From the back, you look like an extreme Mickey Mouse.

From the front, I guarantee it looks sick.

Yeah.

That is pretty cool.

VO: And good for signaling left.

Now let's meet up with their experts, while the cars are still running.

PHIL: Have a look at this then.

PERRI: Hello team.

JORDAN: Hello, mate, how you doing?

JAMES: Perri!

PERRI: Are you alright?

So is this a "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" moment?

JAMES: Course we are.

PERRI: I think it is that.

Course we are.

You guys first.

Let's see.

Hope you've got a jacket?

Cuz this stuff is seriously cool.

JAMES: (LAUGHS) PERRI: (GROANS) PERRI: Oh, God.

Thanks, James.

James likes it.

I'm wearing a vest.

(LAUGHS) PERRI: This is nice.

JAMES: That's nice.

PHIL: Do you like that?

PERRI: I like that.

It's cool, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I like those palette knives.

PHIL: They were his choice, Jordan.

PERRI: Oh really?

Phil's being modest, he helped me considerably.

It's not quite elephant standard.

No, this is above and beyond that, mate.

Anyway, hold on, I've got one more.

(HUMS FANFARE) The tiger's eye cane.

I want you to do me a favor.

OK.

Right, I want you to give me a bit of the old putting on the top hat.

(LAUGHS) We can do better than that, can't we?

Go on then.

Take it away, Phil.

Wahey!

Smooth.

Your turn.

Oh!

(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS AND CLAPS) VO: OK, hoofers, into the cars and shuffle off to Buffalo.

Later they'll be heading to that showdown by the Thames at Greenwich, but in the meantime... Today's first stop is in Braintree.

It's a no-brainer.

What do you reckon to that elephant hat thing?

I think it's a bit random, but I do think there's some method in their madness.

PHIL: Yeah.

JORDAN: It's a good look.

Do you think Perri bought that, or James?

That feels like a Perri thing to me.

VO: What about les autres?

You know Jordan well.

What do you think he's feeling?

I think Jordan's feeling fairly confident actually.

JAMES: Really?

PERRI: Yeah.

I'd like to say he's just putting on like... (LAUGHS) ..his face, but I feel like he just thinks his...

He's the winner.

His items are better and that he's gonna win.

In all fairness, I think they've bought very good items.

And I think we've bought very good items.

I think it's going to be a real clash of the Titans.

Yeah.

VO: OK Titans.

Start shopping.

JAMES: Well, here we are.

PERRI: Here we go.

VO: With �150 left to spend.

Notice how I'm now leading the way, James.

I know.

Follow me.

PERRI: Hey, man.

TOM: Hi, there.

How are you doing?

Perri.

Nice to meet you, Perri.

JAMES: James.

TOM: Nice to meet you.

Tom.

Good.

This is very good, isn't it?

It is.

Look, hat's off, that means business.

VO: That's right!

(LAUGHS) VO: Braintree Antique Centre.

Leave no stone unturned.

Do you see what I've spotted?

What?

PERRI: Pokemon cards.

JAMES: Ah, now...

The one thing I've ever had a little collection of.

JAMES: (LAUGHS) What age were you collecting Pokemon cards?

PERRI: Maybe like eight.

Yeah.

JAMES: So that's a Pokemon card.

PERRI: Ah-ha.

So this is a classic Pikachu.

JAMES: Now that's quite fun.

And you was always looking for the shiny ones.

Does that constitute being shiny?

No.

When it's shiny, you will know.

Really?

You will know.

You will know.

(LAUGHS) You'll see the glow on your face.

When you open the pack and it goes (HIGH-PITCHED NOISE) (LAUGHS) That's when you've got a shiny.

Excellent.

Has he got any shinies in there?

No.

VO: How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

Poke him on!

Ha!

Well, I've learned something.

You have.

I've taught James something!

JAMES: Yeah!

Pokemon cards.

PERRI: Yes!

VO: And on that note, Perri takes himself off.

Divide and conquer, eh?

(MUSICAL BOX PLAYS) Right, stop.

Stop.

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Stop!

Oh my God, no, no, no.

VO: Moving on!

Perri's upstairs, but when he comes down I'm gonna show him this.

It's a lovely art deco receiver, sort of early radio.

Made by Ekco, Bakelite body, but what I like about it, it's real art deco.

We've got these rather fabulous three knobs here.

We've got this lovely stepped case.

JAMES: Ah-ha, young man.

PERRI: What have you got?

I've got an early radio here.

Made by Ekco.

Just feel that knob.

(LAUGHS) JAMES: That is lovely.

PERRI: A great knob.

Isn't that lovely and smooth?

VO: Good job "we're" not on the wireless.

It is cool.

And all the names, look.

So, broadcasting Hamburg, Toulouse, Paris, Milan, Leipzig, Rome.

Long wave and medium wave.

So how do I find Kiss FM?

I don't know, I don't know.

(LAUGHS) It would be somewhere.

Don't worry, it's still somewhere there.

VO: Ekco, after its founder Eric Kirkham Cole, was a British electronics company which once had a workforce of many thousands.

Tom, what's the price of this fellow?

I can do that for... ..�75.

VO: Take a closer look, eh?

It's pretty sound bar that rip, isn't it?

Have you seen the spider in here?

That spider.

Oh, does that come with it?

JAMES: Yeah, it would do.

1930s - a great time of dance, wasn't it?

What was it, flapper girls, didn't they, they did the... Oh, Charleston!

# Charleston, Charleston.

# Is that the dance?

(LAUGHS) You see, you've got it.

(LAUGHS) VO: I didn't see that coming.

Art deco was all about the new energy - the motor car, the airplane, travel, adventure.

You said so much about that radio right then.

(LAUGHS) I do not have a clue what you said, James, but it looks cool.

It looks cool.

Come on Tom, 50 quid.

OK, �60 and that'll be my final offer.

Or you could meet me halfway at �55.

JAMES: We must come together.

PERRI: OK, come together.

Where can we come together?

Tom?

Can you do the �50?

(LAUGHS) You can't say no to a guy with glasses.

No, I can't, no.

OK. TOM: We'll do it �50.

PERRI: We'll do it �50?

Yes!

Well done.

Thank you.

PERRI: I think that's alright.

JAMES: Thanks Tom.

VO: Yeah, thanks Tom.

Alright.

We got us a radio.

VO: So that's one lot of titans sorted.

Onto the next!

VO: Like the man said!

On the country roads of Essex.

Or should it be "the streets"?

So who coined this expression street dancing?

Where does that come from?

Is that you, did you make that... No, no, no, no, no.

So street dance is an umbrella term for loads and loads of different styles of dances.

So you have breakdancing, obviously one, there's popping, there's locking.

It's basically an umbrella...

Right, you've lost me already here mate.

VO: Me too.

Jordan and Phil are taking a wee detour from the shopping in the village of Stansted Mountfitchet where they've come to learn about the very first stirrings of popular entertainment.

A sort of Ye Olde Britain Hath Gottie Talent.

So this presumably is like an old castle, isn't it?

Well, it looks like it.

VO: Somewhere within this reconstructed Norman fortification, they have an appointment with a jester called Nigel.

Innit.

Nigel!

How you doing, mate?

Jordan.

Phil.

How are you?

Pleased to meet you.

Loving the outfit, loving the shoes.

What actually is a jester?

So a jester is a medieval-style entertainer.

Right.

Could be a comedian, could be a juggler.

They could be dancers, they could be anything.

So if they're medieval, are they still around now?

Yes.

And there still are plenty.

There are at least a dozen that I know.

Is that plenty, though?

A dozen?

I'm assuming back in the day there were a lot more.

Some people say that's more than enough.

(LAUGHS) It's too many!

VO: Although there were jesters in Ancient Egypt, our man doffs his cap to the professional fools once employed by English royal courts.

With a license to mock, and not jest for the king!

(CHUCKLES) They traveled all over the place, so they would perform in all the villages that they passed through as they went from court to court.

Cuz amongst other things, they were the people who brought the news to the villages.

So I might be wrong here Nige, but I thought that if a jester didn't do a good job for their king or for whoever they were performing for, they got literally the chop.

Yeah.

They got axed.

Is that true?

I don't think so.

JORDAN: OK. NIGEL: To be honest.

I mean, let's think about this.

You kill off one jester, you're not going to get another jester working for you, are you?

So why do people think that, though?

I blame the Victorians.

(LAUGHS) I blame the Victorians.

Damn the Victorians!

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Absolutely.

We touched on the outfit.

I love it, it looks wicked.

Yeah.

But aren't jesters meant to have a hat?

I've got one, clearly.

Have you not noticed?

NIGEL: Yeah.

JORDAN: There it is.

Come on, don't be stingy.

Have I got one?

NIGEL: You need a hat as well?

JORDAN: I need a hat.

And it even goes with the outfit, look at that.

How's that, Phil?

NIGEL: I think that suits you.

JORDAN: Yeah?

VO: The traditional jester's hat has three points, apparently representing the ears and the tail of a donkey.

Although who's actually going to play the ass is never quite certain.

All I want you to do is to lie down there.

Feet that end, head down that way.

VO: Relax, I'm sure he's got insurance.

If you put one hand like that and the other like that.

(LAUGHS) It just saves time, you know.

OK.

So the props I'm going to use... No!

(LAUGHS) And it's a little trick called the walk of death.

(LAUGHS) The idea is that I walk over you juggling.

(GROANS) I try not to drop... (GROANS MORE LOUDLY) It's alright, it's only ever gone wrong once before.

VO: Don't try this at home, folks.

(GASPS) VO: Phew!

Always nice when your celebrity lives to tell the tale, I say.

Anything a bit more educational, Nigel?

You throw one across, then the other one across, like that.

PHIL: OK.

I've got this.

NIGEL: You've got this, OK. Are you ready?

We're playing rounders, apparently.

(LAUGHS) I'll leave you to practice that and then we'll give you a go.

Woah!

PHIL: Get in!

JORDAN: That was pretty good.

That was pretty good.

Just get on the phone to Cowell now.

Like Phil was doing one, then the other.

Oh, eh-up!

(LAUGHS) That wasn't bad, you know.

It wasn't good though, was it.

Let's be honest.

Yes!

VO: Oh!

Jesting went into a bit of a decline after the Restoration, when Charles II chose to patronize the theater instead.

Nowadays, of course, we have the modern day court of light entertainment on television.

Oh!

(LAUGHS) Good job these are padded!

I'm just relieved it wasn't the knives!

(LAUGHTER) VO: Yeah, me too.

Now, whilst juggling for absolute beginners continues... Phil!

Phil!

VO: Let's catch up with our other highly talented pairing.

Who could forget their proficiency at dragon boat racing, eh?

Perri, I've written a little ode to yesterday, and it's always best to do these sort of things JAMES: in a West County accent.

PERRI: OK, cool.

There was a young dancer called Perri, whose legs were like the stalks of a cherry.

(LAUGHS) To the river at St Neots he came, dragon boat racing his game... (LAUGHS) ..only to beat a rower called James.

PERRI: Love it.

JAMES: Good, good.

How long did that take you?

About 10 minutes this morning.

Sadly to say, I haven't written a verse for you.

No?

That's alright, that's alright.

That is my literary gift to you.

VO: WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: And quite literally some of the worst verse I've ever 'eard.

VO: As they make their way back across the Hertfordshire border to Sawbridgeworth, and the final shop of this trip.

PERRI: After you, sir.

JAMES: Thanking you.

Let's do it.

VO: They've still got �100 to spend in this emporium, remember.

JAMES: Here's our man.

Nice to meet you, I'm Nick.

Nick, James.

Good to meet you.

PERRI: Perri.

NICK: Nice to meet you.

Perri.

We've got a room there, we've got upstairs.

There's stuff everywhere in corners.

If you need anything, just give me a shout.

It's all there to be bought.

VO: That's good news.

But the others are beating a path to this very shop as well, so you've only got it to yourselves for a short while.

Are they rabbits, or hares?

Hares.

Hares box, don't they?

PERRI: They're really cool.

Big, big fellows.

Slightly beyond our means.

VO: What are you looking at?

Are those glass eyes?

What?

Someone's not gonna take them and use them, are they?

Different sizes, different colors.

(WHISPERS) That is weird, isn't it?

Unusual.

Remember, unusual things make money.

PERRI: Yeah, let's... No... JAMES: No?

PERRI: Move away from that.

JAMES: No.

VO: The "eyes" don't have it.

This is cool.

(LAUGHS) It looks like one of those pinball machines, doesn't it?

Look, it's got little 2ps.

Vertical.

VO: Doesn't seem to be working.

Nick!

Oh, wow.

Just fun at the fair.

I bought it off another dealer this morning, so if you wanna buy it, we'll have a deal.

PERRI: Alright.

PERRI: Yes!

JAMES: That's good.

Win!

VO: Big cash prizes - 2p!

But Jordan and Phil must be very close by now.

Have you enjoyed this trip?

Has it been what you thought it would be?

I've had a great time antique road-tripping.

And the rest of the group, who are they gonna want to win?

Do you know what, I think they're gonna want me to win, because Perri wins everything.

Does he?

Everyone loves an underdog, don't they?

That's what I am in this situation.

VO: Hang on!

Clash of the Titans, remember?

PHIL: Here we are, here we are, here we are.

JORDAN: Here we are.

VO: Here we are!

What about the arcade game wizards, then?

The fun at the fair - how much would it cost then?

NICK: 225.

JAMES: 225.

PERRI: Literally don't have it.

JAMES: No.

Or you could go for your weird thing, go for some glass eyes.

(SIGHS) I know you don't like them, but... (LAUGHS) He doesn't like them.

You never know when you need an eye for a start.

(LAUGHS) With some lights behind those, put them in a picture of the mother-in-law, or you know, the Mona Lisa.

You've got real imagination there.

(LAUGHS) I'm sure we'll find something else, but before they turn up, we've got to get a move on, let's go.

Come on, let's get moving.

VO: And not a moment too soon.

150 left in their pockets.

These are a nice-looking pair of boxes.

That's a tea caddy.

Right.

That one is a jewelry box.

If you look at this one first.

An ordinary tea caddy might be in mahogany, but this one is in walnut.

This is called cross-banding.

And they were kept under lock and key, because tea was a really valuable commodity.

The servants used to nick the tea.

(LAUGHS) That's �125 and that's just due to the timber used.

And if you look at this one, can you see all these swirls here?

Mm-hm.

That's pollard oak.

So if you can imagine an avenue of 1930s' houses.

Yeah.

And you've got the trees down the avenue and the council come along and cut all the branches off.

Yeah.

That's pollarding.

Right?

So if you then slice through the pollarded bit, you've got all these burrs, knobs and nibbles on there like that.

And it just makes it that much more attractive.

That one, look, is 195 quid.

Do you think it's worth that?

No, not for us, because it's yesterday's antiques.

Because we are style icons, really.

Of course.

We wanna be trend-setting.

Let's do it, Phil.

VO: And if that doesn't work out consult the proprietor.

Nick, we are absolutely antiqued out, aren't we?

PERRI: Yeah.

JAMES: It's so confusing.

We're down to our last little bit of money as well.

I've got a really nice stoneware pot.

(GROANS) This is quite nice.

Oh, nice.

Weight.

That's weight.

Yep, the weight test.

I think it's Lambeth, Doulton.

It's Royal... Royal Filter.

JAMES: So this is a water filter.

NICK: Yeah.

What was killing everybody in the 19th century in London was cholera.

And so filtering water became absolutely paramount.

And you think it's made by Doulton?

I'm pretty sure it is.

It would've had a spigot tap in there that you would have poured it off.

I like it.

It's a big lump, isn't it?

It is.

(YELPS) Yep.

That's hernia.

(LAUGHS) VO: Well in that case, what's the price?

Well, I've got it up for �150.

So obviously, obviously �70 then, don't you think?

Do you know what, could you meet in the middle?

JAMES: What?

NICK: �85.

And I'll wrap it.

And he's gonna wrap it.

And he's wrapping.

Well as long as you carry it, I don't mind.

I'll carry it, no problem.

I don't mind whether you wrap it, or not.

(LAUGHS) VO: It looks like it's theirs.

Shall we do it?

Yeah, go on, shake the man's hand.

Lovely.

Nice one.

PERRI: Yes!

NICK: Thank you very much.

VO: With �15 of their original �400 left.

Well done.

Hey, we're all... We're done!

(VOICE VIBRATES) Yesss!

(LAUGHS) VO: Now they look familiar.

PHIL: I like those JORDAN: They're cool.

They're a bit creepy but they're cool.

They're horribly creepy.

If you look at that one there, it's even bloodshot, look.

The detail, yeah.

What color are yours, brown?

JORDAN: Brown.

PHIL: They are brown.

Well that one there would be ideal, that brown bloodshot one, wouldn't it?

It's pretty cool, I haven't been getting much sleep recently.

(LAUGHS) VO: Sounds like they've taken a shine to them.

I'm gonna take a right here, you take a left and if you see anything, give me a shout.

Alright mate.

Will do.

VO: Eyes peeled then.

Ha!

Yes!

VO: What's he seen?

Vito Banjolini makes his return.

I'm gutted though mate, cuz Phil said if it's not perfect, don't buy it.

It's a perfect price, it's only 65 quite.

It's so much cheaper than what I really wanted yesterday.

But this one's got no strings.

Sorry Banjolini, you gotta stay put.

Can't disappoint Phil.

VO: Come on Jordan.

You can do this.

That is cool.

VO: Crikey!

Not that as well.

I absolutely love it.

Oh it's got a pinball.

Phil?

Oh that's cool, I like that.

JORDAN: This is cool.

PHIL: That is cool.

VO: That's cool.

Ready?

JORDAN: And we won!

PHIL: Are you ready for this?

Let's go.

No!

Gutted.

Come on, mate, stick to what you're good at.

JORDAN: Come on, tell me... PHIL: Which is?

How old is this?

Well, it wants you to think it's probably 1920s or '30s.

The first thing is, that says 2p, not 2d.

So decimal coinage came in I think in 1972.

VO: 1971, actually.

But the point's well made Phil.

Look at that back there.

How old does that look to you?

Pretty old, to be fair, but that's... That's what's so annoys me about working with people of his age.

VO: Even more annoying might be the �225 price tag.

Perhaps buy this and the eyes?

If we can get a deal with them, yeah.

Shall we find out?

Well, if I take this to the till and you go and get the box of eyes and then we'll just try and sort out what goes where then.

Right then mate, let's do it.

Alright.

(COINS JINGLE) VO: All hell's about to break loose.

Coming your way, Nicola.

Some eyeballs, absolutely.

So how much is the old... (SHE SIGHS) The best that I could do on that would be... �200, would be our absolute best.

Cuz it's not quite as old as it looks, is it?

No, no, it's not, but it's a really fun item.

(LAUGHS) You gotta admit.

It's probably '80s, I would've thought.

Early '80s.

I'll throw in the 2ps with it as well.

(LAUGHS) PHIL: And what about your eyes?

NICOLA: The eyes.

Which incidentally are just beautiful.

Oh, why thank you very much.

The best on those?

�20 each.

So if we wanted two eyes and that, you're saying the absolute best is �240.

How about we say 100... ..and... Could do �180?

VO: So close!

I think it's time that we came clean with you.

NICOLA: Go on.

Go on.

PHIL: You tell her.

Cuz I think it might be better coming from you.

We're tapped out at �150, Nicola.

Right, so �150 is your... That's not us messing about.

Yeah, yeah.

JORDAN: It's literally all we've got.

We can offer �150.

NICOLA: 150.

JORDAN: And a cuddle.

NICOLA: I'll have it, yeah.

JORDAN: Done.

We're done.

Yeah, cuddle's good.

VO: (LAUGHS) So that's them spent up.

Let's make eyes.

Is this brown enough?

Fantastic.

Fantastic.

Are we winning?

Fantastic.

I think I'm owed something as well.

You're owed the hugs, bring it in.

NICOLA: The hugs.

JORDAN: Bring it in.

(LAUGHS) There's one.

Release.

And we're back again.

VO: Now, time for the debut of a brand new dance ensemble.

(MUSIC PLAYS) Yeah.

Put it there, James.

(CHEERING) Nice.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go.

VO: (LAUGHS) Sweet dreams.

VO: We're about to attend an auction beside the Thames - a World Heritage site.

These buildings are so mad, innit?

Yeah, sick.

London is the best!

VO: After setting forth from Royston and shopping quite close to their Essex home turf, Jordan and Perri are now headed south.

In a good way.

Along with their experts.

The Braxtonator.

(LAUGHS) Braxtonator!

Serrell.

Serrell.

Ser-rax... Ser-lax.

No, not laxative.

(LAUGHS) Shall we just call him Phil?

VO: Yeah, forget laxative.

Welcome to Greenwich Auctions with internet bidding!

Here they are.

PHIL: How are you doing?

JORDAN: Yes, boys!

We've got the moves, watch.

It's... JORDAN: Let's have a look.

PHIL: One... two... One... two... VO: It's not rubbed off, has it?

We've gotta get some drainpipe trousers.

PERRI: Oh, yeah.

JAMES: I know.

Drainpipe trousers?

Whereas these are all to...

These are all too... PHIL: Have you got any bicycle clips?

(LAUGHS) Bicycle clips!

PERRI: We sprayed ours on.

JORDAN: Yeah.

Poured... We got poured into these boys.

I tell you what, they've got elastic legs, we have elastic waistbands, don't we?

(LAUGHS) Dear me.

Shall we go and see who's gonna win here?

JORDAN: Let's do it.

PERRI: Yeah, shall we go win?

PHIL: Oh, get out of here!

JORDAN: Grow up, Perri.

VO: Plenty of time for that.

One of them has to win I suppose.

Unless Susan Boyle's in here somewhere.

Looking for revenge.

Perri and the Braxtonator spent 385 of their 400 precious pounds on five auction lots.

This is one of theirs, Phil.

You can't tell me that Perri had any involvement in the buying of that.

(LAUGHS) It doesn't scream Perri at me.

It's like a Victorian lavatory, isn't it?

It's got Braxton written all over it.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, definitely.

It's upside down and broken.

Come on, we're out of here.

(LAUGHS) VO: (LAUGHS) Jordan and Phil spent the lot.

Every penny of their �400, also on five lots.

We wanted this, didn't we?

Yeah, we did, and it was too expensive for us.

So they were lucky, they had... PERRI: They were very lucky.

JAMES: ..some special charm.

I'm a bit gutted that this one got away.

Yeah.

But everything happens for a reason.

It's not an old one, so it's repro.

VO: He wasn't so rude when he wanted to buy it.

(LAUGHS) VO: Don't panic, Corporal!

Don't humor him.

We've just been looking at your items and we think, you know, they're quite bright and colorful.

They're warm and even Perri would have some of them JAMES: in his... PHIL: Even Perri?

What I don't understand is someone has left a long-nosed rabbit up by the auctioneer on the wall there.

(LAUGHS) VO: Enough rudery.

Let's get the honest opinion of gaveler supreme, Robert Dodd.

(GAVEL) The eyes are one of my favorites.

One eye to replace a hazel eye and another eye who's got brown eyes.

Interesting pieces.

I think the Ekco radio receiver is in fabulous condition, it's a proper art deco piece.

But anyone who thinks that that radio will come on straight away has got another think coming.

The lion and leopard sculpture is my favorite.

Fabulous looking thing.

Classic art deco.

Step, two-tone marble and lovely big size.

VO: And so, without further ado.

PERRI: Well... JORDAN: Here we are.

VO: Nicely balanced, aren't they?

Phil, if you get up, warn us, because we could all spring over into... PERRI: I know, I know.

JAMES: ..the wall.

VO: Perri and James go first.

It's the eye of the tiger!

We both liked it because it's sort of Fred Astaire, didn't we?

Ginger Rogers.

"We both liked it."

He's Fred Astaire, I'm Ginger.

It's got a start with a bid with me of �28 on this, 30 I want.

Two with me, looking for �35.

35, 38, �40 I want.

I'm out at �40, who'll give �42?

Bid came in.

�40 there.

42, 45.

48 I need.

No!

45 I've got, I'm looking for 48.

Are we all done, last time, see.

48 there, �50.

PERRI: Yes.

AUCTIONEER: I need �5.

(WHISPERS) �50!

Last time, lady, seated.

At �50 only... (GAVEL) What I wanna know is... Yeah, we broke even, it's fine.

Wahey!

Well done... VO: Sure beats a loss though.

All to play for.

Is it that?

Or is it that?

Which one is it?

That one?

JAMES: What's that?

PHIL: That one.

That's alright.

We washed our face with that.

But you're not, you're definitely not that one.

VO: Now, Jordan and Phil's glass eyes may not be a matching pair, but the auctioneer's very keen.

Where are you gonna get another two of these?

(LAUGHTER) You can't go down the shopping center and pick 'em up, can you?

(LAUGHTER) It's gotta start with a bid with me on these of �12.

Ooh.

AUCTIONEER: �15 I want, anywhere.

Hello, is there anyone out there?

15, 18, �20.

PERRI: What?

JAMES: �20.

You can't pull out, you started it.

�20 here, I'll take two.

(LAUGHS) �22 I need, I'll go to 22, five.

Eight on the internet.

Get in there.

Coming back at �30, it's �28 here.

Looking for 30, �30 the middle of the room.

AUCTIONEER: Take two.

PERRI: What?

32, five on the internet, take 38.

�38, seated in the room... Get in there!

Looking for 40.

�40 on the net.

(LAUGHTER) �42, 45, I'm on the internet at 45.

No.

I've got 50, five I want.

(LAUGHS) 55 on the internet.

60 on the internet, five I want.

65, �70, 75 I need.

How have they got to �75?

AUCTIONEER: Looking for �85.

�80, �90, 95 on the internet.

A big �110 on the net.

PERRI: What?

AUCTIONEER: 120.

Last time, at �110 on these two eyes.

Won't hear that too often, will you?

(GAVEL) I'm absolutely amazed.

(LAUGHS) How'd we pull that one off?

Well, I just don't know how that happened.

VO: (LAUGHS) Phil's just being modest.

He knew.

Let that be a strong reminder that the internet is a very strange place.

It is.

VO: Strange enough to crave Perri and James's Victorian water filter, perhaps?

Somebody will repurpose this.

What, hardcore?

(LAUGHS) Every home should have one.

(LAUGHTER) Including the one they took it out of.

(LAUGHS) It's a late Victorian good decorative lot, this.

And it's gotta start with a bid with me of �50 on this.

AUCTIONEER: Looking for 55 anywhere.

Well done, well done.

60 with me.

Looking for 65.

I've got 60 here, I'm looking for 65, and that is cheap.

That is cheap.

Not for what we paid for it.

(LAUGHS) �65, 70, five I need.

Louis?

75 I have, looking for 80.

I've got �75 on the telephone.

Am I selling this then at �75... (GAVEL) Was it that, or was it that?

VO: Definitely that, I'm afraid.

And they're still looking for a profit.

We've got 'em on the run.

Got 'em on the ropes.

Head's above water.

They've lost a tenner and they're delighted.

We've got 'em on the run.

VO: Colorful coffee table, anyone?

Jordan's first find and I like it.

I think it's quite a cool designer thing.

By a man called Beltrami.

Really?

God.

That sounds impressive.

I haven't heard of him.

(LAUGHS) It's gotta start with a bid with me, straight in at �60.

65 I want.

I want �65.

You're on your own, mate.

(LAUGH) 65.

Are we all done at 60?

(SIGHS) That's cheap.

Am I selling this table then at only �60?

That's cheap.

Selling the table at �60.

(GAVEL) Do you know what, we've just become... VO: Just relax and count your glass eye profits, chaps.

It's like a pressure cooker in here.

Everybody's so like... VO: Time for Perri's wedding cake stand.

Cake not included.

This has to make us a good profit.

I think we think...

I hope so.

It's gonna make us a profit.

�10 or �15?

No, I want double money.

It's gotta start with a bid with me of �25 only on this.

Drop the hammer, drop the hammer, drop the hammer.

It's worth all of that.

I've got 25, I'm looking for 28.

28, 32, five, eight, 42, I'm out.

Yes or no?

�42 I'm out, 45 there, looking for �48.

Aw.

Please.

Please.

AUCTIONEER: Even the box is worth this.

�45, looking for 48.

Are we all done?

At �45... JAMES: Oh, well done.

AUCTIONEER: �48.

JAMES: Wahey!

PERRI: Come on.

Come on, �50.

At �55 I have, looking for 60.

60 there, looking for 65.

60, late surge!

JAMES: Go on, 70.

AUCTIONEER: At 60...

Selling it in the pews at �60.

(GAVEL) It's not quite how I wanted it to go though.

Not quite double the money.

(LAUGHS) VO: It's a profit, however slim.

What did I say about doubling?

Can I retract that?

PHIL: Yeah.

JAMES: We'll stop that.

VO: Alright.

Jordan's painting is next and hopes are high.

It could make a three-figure profit, perhaps.

Three figures!

Yeah.

�1.42.

(LAUGHS) Two or three bids on this and it comes in with me, it's gotta start at �85 on that.

Ker-ching.

I think the words you're looking for are...

I'm looking for 90 on this.

It's worth all of that.

I've got 85, I'm looking for 90 anywhere.

85 on commission.

Looking for 90.

How do you do it?

It's just about chipping away at profits, James, chipping away.

Go on.

Put it down.

Put it down.

At 85.

Selling this at �85...

I think that's cheap, really.

(GAVEL) That's another �45 on the profit.

(LAUGHS) VO: Jordan's good at this.

But modest with it.

Look at his face.

They got... (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Let's take the hint.

Don't worry Perri, they're gonna drop.

James, you've said this every time.

VO: You're right, he has.

The auctioneer likes your radio though.

Perri, this could be where the wheel of fortune turns in our favor.

Absolutely fabulous, and the bid's with me at only �20 on that.

Oh, bother.

At �20 on it, looking for 22.

22, 25, eight, I'm out.

I'm out at 28.

I'm looking for 30 anywhere.

I've got �30.

Anyone out there?

�30 on the internet, take two.

�32 in the room, take 35.

This is cheap.

35 there, looking for 38.

38 there in the room, looking for 40.

I've got 38, looking for 40.

Come on, dafties.

Don't pull out now, not for a couple of quid.

I'm selling this radio then at �38 only...

I think you know the sign.

(GAVEL) Give them a round of applause.

(APPLAUSE) (LAUGHS) VO: Does it play a sad song, chaps?

I still can't quite believe that.

Did that happen?

(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) The antiques trade is safe with us, isn't it?

It is the trade, James Braxton.

VO: Now, could Jordan and Phil be about to really rub it in with the one that got away?

This is the one that we wanted.

PHIL: This is... JAMES: Yeah.

I'll tell you what, as a gesture of goodwill, we're prepared to sell it to you now.

(LAUGHS) It's gotta start with a bid with me straight in at �40.

(GULP) Looking for 42 on this.

I've got 40.

42, 45 on commission, 48.

�50 on commission, take five, 55.

�60 here, 65, 70 here... (SIGHS) No!

It's at �75.

�80 there, looking for 85, 85, take 90 madam, �90 there with the lady, 95 on the net.

�100, it's worth that, you know it is.

100 there, 110... Oh no... (LAUGHS) 110, looking for 120.

120 on the telephone.

Looking for 130.

At �120, selling this machine at �120... (GAVEL) Look at the look on his face.

So angry.

VO: Much relief in the Team Perri ranks!

What's next?

What've you got next?

Big ears.

Big ears is next.

VO: Yes, Perri's pick.

Their biggest buy.

This is our last item.

It's gonna do well.

It's a baby elephant.

It's gonna start with a bid with me straight in of only �42 on commission.

Looking for 45... Look at his face, just look at your mate's face.

JORDAN: 45... AUCTIONEER: 45.

Don't say that with enthusiasm.

AUCTIONEER: 50 I want.

JORDAN: It's going up.

�50 it's on the internet.

I'm out, looking for five.

55 on the telephone, looking for 60.

All done on this elephant...

It's like drawing teeth.

Is that the last time at �55?

Just a little �100 dip there.

It's huge!

�55 only.

�60... Oh, you're so lucky.

65 on the phone.

Looking for 70.

Come on.

�70 I want.

Wake up.

At 65.

Selling this at �65... (GAVEL) 108, give 'em a round of applause please.

(APPLAUSE) (GROANS) It's all about the taking part.

You know that.

VO: Indeed.

And we'll quietly ignore the gigantic loss.

Perri, I hate to say this, I think it's probably all over for us.

Do you know, I think they could sell our next lot for a pound and we'd still win.

(LAUGHS) We would still win.

VO: I think you could well do quite a lot better than that.

Jordan's cats now.

Absolutely astounding, stunning lot.

Super stunning, in fact.

JAMES: Is it?

PHIL: Telephone bid.

JAMES: Is it really?

PHIL: Telephone bid.

It's gotta start with a bid with me straight in at �60.

Oh, ow.

JORDAN: Oh, that's a sting.

PHIL: Yeah.

I've got 60, looking for 65.

65.

70 here on commission.

It's always very chirpy on your lots.

This is cheap.

�80 on commission.

I'm looking for 85 on the internet.

I'm out.

90 I want.

�90, 95 I need.

On the phone at 95, 100 here, looking for 110.

110 on the telephone.

120 please.

130 I need, Lou.

�130, 140...

There's some right old fruit loops around, aren't there?

150, 150... (SIGHS) We're happy.

Oh, no.

AUCTIONEER: 160, looking for 170.

170, looking for 180.

You're not going to make a profit, are you?

It's too late, we already have.

Are we all done?

Last time... ASSISTANT: Over there.

Where?

Oh!

�180 there... (LAUGHS) Looking for 190.

190 on the telephone.

�200 in the room.

Take 210...

I'll tell you what, it's turned out nice, hasn't it?

(LAUGHS) On the telephone at 210, looking for 220.

PERRI: Come on, boys.

This wasn't in the script.

PHIL: It's turned out really... JORDAN: I'm happy.

Last time at 210.

At 210... (GAVEL) Give them a round of applause.

(APPLAUSE) That is... (LAUGHS) Aw, high-five man, that's another 60 quid profit.

In the bag.

VO: You think it's all over?

You're not wrong.

It's at this point that we normally say let's go outside and see who's won, but I think we can probably sit here and tell you who's won, can't we?

VO: OK...

But the formalities must be observed.

I think they call it a format point.

(CHUCKLES) Perri and James began with �400 and made... ..quite a loss.

Almost 150 after costs!

Leaving them with �251.16.

(GAVEL) VO: While Jordan and Phil who started out with the same sum made, after saleroom fees, a very respectable profit.

So they are today's winners with �479.70.

VO: All profits go to Children In Need.

I don't think that could have gone any worse for us.

Well, I dunno.

It couldn't have gone any better.

A nice little profit for me and Phil and the look on your face was priceless.

JAMES: Was it magic?

PHIL: You did really well.

(LAUGHS) Perri, I don't know how to commiserate, but well done.

It's been a pleasure, sir.

JAMES: It's been a great pleasure.

Well done.

(LAUGHS) Don't be a sore loser.

Come on, we'll get you an ice cream on the way home.

Get in the car.

(ENGINE ROARS) PERRI: See you later, guys.

PHIL: See you guys.

Take care.

JAMES: Still winners!

PERRI: We are winners.

JAMES: Winners.

PERRI: In the heart.

JAMES: In the heart.

VO: Update your status, fellas.

Hashtag Antiques Road Trip.

We're on our final drive back so wrap... JORDAN: ..it... PERRI: ..up... JORDAN: ..and... PERRI: ..give it... JORDAN: ..to... PERRI: ..a child... JORDAN: ..at... PERRI: ..Christmas.

BOTH: Cuz we're done!

VO: How sick is that?

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