Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

VO: The nation's favorite celebrities... Wow.

VO: ..paired up with an expert... Ow.

Ow.

Get it sorted.

VO: ..and a classic car.

She's beautiful.

We're steaming.

VO: Their mission - to scour Britain for antiques.

Is that antique?

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

VO: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

VO: But it's no easy ride...

There's a dog chasing us!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

I love that.

VO: Who will take the biggest risk?

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

Yeah, OK, I know what that means.

VO: There will be worthy winners...

Yes!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

Disaster.

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let's go shopping.

Woo-hoo!

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Oh, luvvies!

VO: Today's trippers are already getting into character.

It's great that you think I look like an antiques' expert, what with you looking like an eccentric millionaire, we can both blag it.

VO: Yes, we're on the road with fellow actors, and very good chums, Nigel Harman and David Bradley.

It's nice to spend time with you, actually.

I think it's about six years or so since we... Last kissed?

Let's draw a veil over that, shall we?

(THEY LAUGH) VO: Seasoned actor Nigel is a regular on TV dramas and is well known for gracing our screens as Downton Abbey's dastardly valet.

David's legendary career has seen him play iconic roles in big hits such as Game Of Thrones, and the box office smash, Harry Potter.

NIGEL: My granddad was a pawnbroker, so I'm hoping that I will channel him.

There's a bit of competition about this thing, but we're not gonna fall out, are we?

Well, no, but I have bought my knuckleduster, in case it gets tasty.

VO: Steady!

Their chariot today is this rather splendid Porsche 968.

NIGEL: It's lovely.

DAVID: I've never even been a passenger, or driven in a Porsche, in all my 99 years.

Have you been to an auction before?

I don't think I have.

Do we get to do the paddle?

You know when you hold up your paddle to bid?

NIGEL: Does that happen?

DAVID: We don't bid ourselves.

Oh right, can't we push the prices up on our own gear?

No!

No!

VO: Hm, I think I'd better explain the rules for Nigel's benefit.

You get �400 each to spend and here are your two experts to help you spend it.

The sun is shining.

Have you got your sun cream on?

I have.

And look, we've got a roof.

Or no roof.

It's gorgeous.

Ooh, we don't seem to have a wing mirror here, Tash.

What happened?

Um, well, just you keep me right, that's all I'm saying.

(LAUGHS) VO: Sun-kissed auctioneers Natasha Raskin Sharp and Christina Trevanion, in their '65 Triumph Herald, are on hand to keep the lads in line.

So, David Bradley looks particularly sweet, doesn't he?

And Nigel is a heartthrob, is he not, and you would think butter wouldn't melt.

CHRISTINA: Yes.

NATASHA: Alas.

But, they are two of the baddest boys on the screen, aren't they?

VO: Aw, they're gentlemen, really.

NIGEL: Good luck.

DAVID: Thank you.

And you.

I hope we're still talking to each other by the end.

Yeah, well, me too.

I hope there's not gonna be tears before bedtime.

Woah, woah, woah!

Easy, tiger!

Hi.

Hello.

I can barely get out.

Nice driving the Porsche.

Lovely to meet you.

Hi, David.

Good morning.

Tasha.

Hello.

Hi.

My goodness.

Yeah, I love this, bit of vintage.

Absolutely.

1965.

NATASHA: Very cool.

CHRISTINA: Yeah.

You can tell that by looking at it?

CHRISTINA: Exactly.

NIGEL: Impressive.

That's how good we are.

Do you fancy having a bash with this one?

Well, yes, yes.

If I can remember what to do with my, er, with my feet.

You'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

We'll step, we'll step way back!

We're just gonna just give you lots of room.

Yeah, yeah.

VO: Right, let's make tracks then.

(HORN BEEPS) Oh!

You might want your hat.

Thank you, I might do.

CHRISTINA: It's got a sunroof.

DAVID: Thank you.

Go, go, go, go!

Here we go.

Wahey!

VO: Yep, I think it's going to be a hot one.

You were naughty in EastEnders and very naughty in Downton Abbey.

Yeah.

I was a big Downton fan.

Were you?

I was very cross with you.

I know, people were.

The morning after it happened, I was walking along the road in Covent Garden and I saw this homeless guy and as I went past him he looked up and he went "naughty, naughty!"

(LAUGHS) VO: And talking of bad boys, viewers of a nervous disposition might want to leave the room for a moment.

Your character in Game Of Thrones, I have to admit, I haven't seen the scene in which you are particularly brutal at this Red Wedding.

Well, you'd better catch up, cuz there's...

I'd better.

..there's gonna be a quiz.

Oh, right.

I thought you were gonna say there's going to be a re-enactment.

Apparently it was very, very gory.

Well, it was.

This guy, he's a family man.

And he's got about 15 daughters to marry off.

Robb Stark promises to marry one of his daughters and then reneges on the deal.

So what do you do you?

You know, you massacre the entire family!

VO: Crikey!

Let's hope none of the dealers get on the wrong side of him today.

On this trip we'll be zig-zagging our way down the country from Oxfordshire to Somerset before heading back north for an auction in Winchcombe.

But Nigel and Christina's first stopping-off point today is in Wantage.

What's your plan?

My only plan really is to put all my faith in you.

And therefore, if it all goes wrong... Yeah, just blame me.

I just blame you.

That's fine.

That also happens a lot on this show.

I think it's time to start, isn't it?

I don't think we can put it off any longer.

No.

You're gonna have to actually do some antiquing.

I'm gonna get my game face on.

Yeah.

Oh, gosh, that is quite mean.

Really?

I thought it was a bit pouty.

VO: You could hone your technique here, Nigel.

Your first shopping experience is at Bold Antiques.

CHRISTINA: Hello.

SHAWN: Hiya.

CHRISTINA: Hi, hi, who are you?

SHAWN: I'm Shawn.

Shawn.

Lovely to meet you, Shawn.

I'm Christina.

CHRISTINA: This is Nigel.

NIGEL: Nice to meet you.

So, Bold Antiques.

Does that mean they're all bold?

Sort of.

It's my surname.

Oh!

OK, fair enough.

Shawn Bold.

VO: Shawn's shop may be on the dinky side, but it's not short of interesting artifacts.

This is a bit... CHRISTINA: Hello.

NIGEL: Look at this.

OK. You're scaring me.

Sorry, no.

I was just laughing.

Have you seen our friend in the corner?

CHRISTINA: He's quite cool.

NIGEL: Yeah.

How much is Bob, Shawn?

We call him Norman.

We can do him for 750.

Oh.

Obviously I can move a little bit on the price.

Oh, OK. 740.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS) At the moment I'm thinking about playing dress up, because there's a hilarious helmet in the corner, and there's...

It's swords and guns, sadly.

No, I will get over that in a minute.

And... No, no, not that.

You've gotta have the rest of it.

There is a spike in the top so be careful.

That looks quite cool, though.

Hey, you could channel your inner punk.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

VO: If you've quite finished in the props department, shall we get back to work?

There's stuff outside to look at, too.

Yeah, this is what I saw on the way in.

Cuz, this reminds me...

I think we've got a version of this at home, but I love it.

It's a very pleasing bit of engineering, isn't it?

I like the sewing box, but it isn't hugely old.

I think we need to look at genuinely...

I think I need your help.

I think I'm a bit older than that.

Yeah.

What?

Pardon?

No!

What?

VO: Awkward.

Let's catch up with the opposition.

How's the Herald, David?

It's got a great growl, hasn't it?

She does.

In the late '60s, my best mate, Bob, he had one.

He was driving us to Wembley and on the radio, suddenly this song came up Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.

It was one of those light bulb moments, about, you know, music and life and... That's so cool.

Well, you're looking the part now.

You're kind of channeling John Lennon with your glasses.

You're reliving the memory.

Thank you, well, I think I can cope with that, Tash.

VO: Our groovy pair are heading to Cirencester, just on the edge of the Cotswolds and birthplace of Cozy Powell, the drummer with Black Sabbath.

Not a lot of people know that.

Here we go.

D'you feel good?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's very exciting, yeah.

It is.

First time!

VO: Well, Cirencester Antiques Centre has lots of rooms for you to peruse.

But as it's your first shop perhaps you could do with a little help from your friend.

Now, a little birdie told me that you recently became a grandfather again, for the third and fourth times.

Yeah.

Congratulations are in order.

Thank you.

And this is exactly why I think of you, when I see this, because it's a bit of hobby craft.

This is by perhaps a doting grandparent who's wanted to gift their grandchild something original, something unique.

And it's a little moneybox.

It moves, look at that.

It's super sweet.

Yeah.

It's probably 1950s, 1960s, something like that.

OK. And it's just, it's just quite a sweet thing, because you've got these little cat motifs.

You've got the money box, you've got the donkey, so it appeals to animal lovers.

But I think this appeals to family lovers.

Because it's just so nostalgic, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's have a look at the price.

�48.

This is not going to make you a fortune.

However, I think it's very sweet.

I wonder how you get the dosh out.

Yeah.

That's a very important question.

I think you've gotta take the wheels off or something.

That stops any impulsion to raid the kid's money box.

Absolutely.

Because it involves a bit of work.

Time to feel guilt.

NATASHA: Does that appeal?

DAVID: It does.

VO: I think that's the donkey under consideration.

Anything else in here?

Here we have what is not, probably Victorian, but an Edwardian water hopper, with a nice grape motif on the front.

So, what's a water hopper?

You know, the Victorians, they got the guttering sorted.

That was all fine.

Yeah?

But this increased the efficiency of your guttering.

As simple as this.

You have the drainpipe running down the side of the building.

If you add this funnel at the top, what they call the water hopper, you can actually, I think, triple the efficiency of the drain and let it run at full capacity, and therefore drain the rainwater off your roof much more quickly.

Oh, right, right.

So, it would stop flooding over the side, and that would collect the water?

If I'm correct it's going to be really heavy, because I think this is going to be cast.

Yes, it is cast iron.

It's so heavy.

You can feel that?

Wow.

I think it would be perfect now as a planter.

It's not going to be used as a water hopper, but I think it's a gorgeous thing and I love that motif of grapes.

Yeah.

I'm gonna pop it back down, cuz it's so heavy.

DAVID: Can you manage?

NATASHA: Yeah.

There we go.

I'm from Scotland, Dave, I'm made of sturdy stuff.

Now, there is a label.

It said "antique water hopper with great decoration, �65."

Well, that is, erm...

They're not asking the earth.

No.

Does that appeal?

I think that's a real goer, you know?

I really like it.

VO: It's all sounding very promising.

Now, how are things back in Wantage?

Talk to me about the sewing machine.

Singer is one of the most prolific sewing machine makers.

VO: It's got a ticket price of �30.

Why do you like that?

I just think it's aesthetically really pleasing.

And I love the black and the gold.

Funnily enough they have come back recently.

They're quite sort of funky and retro at the moment.

Oh, in that case.

It's a bit mainstream now.

I'm so main...

I'm so mainstream.

What do you think of that?

Eh...

It's very cherubic.

It is very... Well, these are satyrs, aren't they, goats... Half goat, half small child.

Oh.

What do you think?

It reminds me actually of a similar clock growing up in my childhood, actually that had this kind of... What do we call this, gold sort of... Ormolu.

Ormolu?

Yeah.

NIGEL: Ormolu?

CHRISTINA: Yeah, Ormolu.

You're making this up.

(LAUGHS) Have you any instincts for this?

Well, I don't particularly like it.

Good.

Good, good selling.

But... (LAUGHS) But, it's big.

It's flashy.

Right?

It's very much in sort of 19th century style.

You've got this, what we call this lyre, as in harp form there.

Mm-hm.

But it isn't 19th century, it is a modern reproduction.

But, all I'm thinking is that this will stand out in the auction room.

Right, so it'll garner attention.

Exactly.

It's a bit of a hit you in the face, you can't miss me, I'm not hidden away in a cabinet.

VO: No price on that, though.

And it's the kind of thing you'd see on a fireplace at Downton Abbey, the real thing.

Yes, lovely show, Downton Abbey.

Until you arrived, you big baddie.

(LAUGHS) VO: She's still upset about it clearly.

So that's two potential candidates, let's see if Nigel can get his haggle on.

We're very interested in this clock.

We're not interested in it.

No, we're not interested in this clock.

We've got a vague leaning towards this clock.

OK. What would you, you know, take it or leave it, laissez faire.

Yeah.

Em, what would you, erm... What are you trying to sell it at us for?

(THEY LAUGH) You're really good at this.

Well done.

Leave it with me.

Mr Smooth.

Right, I've got 70 on it.

Yeah?

Good.

70... Look at the stance.

I know it's quite... Quite open, but...

It's manly.

I've gone cross arms, quite defensive.

Yeah.

Get manly.

I'm going to take a lunge.

VO: Ooh, suave!

And also we're interested in the sewing machine.

So, if that's 70 and that's 30, that's 100.

Well, what could you do for the both?

Buy one, get one free?

Wouldn't quite be free.

BOGOF.

(LAUGHS) I could do you the pair at 60.

(INHALES) That's good.

You're a genius at haggling.

I was gonna start in at 70 and take that...

Yes, thank you.

That's really good!

VO: That's known in the trade as having his arm off.

You know what, I feel like a passenger here.

You are brilliant at this.

You don't need me at all.

VO: So let's say �18 for the sewing machine and 42 for the clock.

Go on manly man.

I'm glad that you took the light one.

OK. OK. And cobwebs.

Does the dust come free?

I don't think I can hold this much longer.

Alright, let's go, let's go.

VO: Whilst those two wrestle their purchases into the Porsche... ..let's see how we're getting on in Cirencester.

What do you think to this?

VO: Now that's got David's name written all over it.

So to someone who knows nothing about Game Of Thrones, how important is a dragon?

They're the masters of the air, really, and eh, I wouldn't fancy Walder for his chances against any of them.

This is obviously brand new.

Some garden furniture.

Oh, yeah.

But what's nice is that it's not for the garden at ground level, is it?

This is a terracotta tile for your roof.

This of course harks back to the Gothic period, when churches had gargoyles on the top to ward off evil spirits.

It's been made very recently.

Yeah.

But it's nicely modeled.

What I also quite like about it, is that at full price, it's quite achievable, �77.

But I'm just thinking, perhaps we could really entice the bidders, if we could attach your name to it.

Oh, right.

Maybe add a little bit of a signature.

A little bit of provenance... Yeah.

..goes a long way.

Might bring the price down, you never know!

VO: Modest.

Sounds like it really will have David's name written on it after all.

Any more?

This here is Murano glass.

Now, I've been to Murano in Venice and watched all the glassmaking, absolutely fascinating.

I love the stuff.

�125 for this vase.

You might be thinking why is it so expensive?

Yeah?

But on the label it explains that it's Sommerso glass.

So, I don't know how good your Italian is, but I think we get the word submerged, I think, from Sommerso, something... Oh, yeah, yeah.

I see, yeah.

There's one color kind of submerged into another.

It looks very '60s, '70s to me.

Yeah.

Erm, I don't know if it's �125 worth, but it's certainly a lump of good, quality, Italian glass.

It's not hugely valuable.

Yeah.

So, we'd have to be asking for a huge amount off of the ticket price.

VO: Well, let's consult our friendly shopkeeper then, and have a proper look.

Hello, Will!

So, it was hard to see behind the glass, but it's more green and pink, isn't it?

Yeah.

And you can see, it looks as though the green's just been dropped into it, and eventually it's stopped in this perfect height.

Yeah.

It looks almost like a diamond when you hold it in your hands.

Yeah, yeah.

So, we don't want to be too cheeky, but obviously we're trying to make a profit.

My advice is that it's worth about half of that at auction, but I don't think Will's going to give us half price.

Will, do you watch Game Of Thrones?

I do.

I'm a big unnerved, I'll be honest with you.

Oh, right.

(LAUGHS) I've made sure Dave is carrying no weapons, alright?

Yeah, yeah.

The gentle approach.

Yeah.

But don't turn your back, just in case!

VO: Lordy!

So that makes four items to negotiate over.

Has David's, er, persuasive bargaining technique succeeded on that vase?

Best he could do on that would be 75.

OK. A healthy discount of, what's that, �50?

NATASHA: That's... WILL: From 125, yeah.

Yeah.

That's pretty chunky.

Could you please do a calculation?

Yeah, sure.

OK, so we've got 75 is the best deal on the glass.

That's right.

48 full price on the donkey.

OK. 77 full price on the tile.

And 65 full price on the water hopper.

That's 265.

What d'you think, David?

It's got to have a one in front of it if we're gonna have a chance.

Yeah.

Well, I dunno, 190?

190 is gonna be the best I could squeeze.

190?

Yeah.

NATASHA: For four items?

DAVID: You think so?

Interesting, varied, pertinent.

Yeah, yeah.

I think it sounds like a plan.

Shake the man's hand, Dave, it sounds like a deal.

Thank you, Will, thank you.

Nice to do business with you.

Thank you so much.

VO: That's a whole lot of shopping done in that deal.

So �75 for the Murano vase.

40 for the water hopper.

23 for the money box and �52 for David's dragon.

(WHISTLES) NATASHA: You're a pro.

DAVID: Marvelous.

Last of the big spenders.

VO: So what of our Porsche pair?

Happy with their purchases so far?

I'm nervous about the clock.

Why?

I dunno, I just...

I'm just nervous about it.

I feel like it's the sensible thing and the sewing machine is just... NIGEL: ..I don't know, a folly.

CHRISTINA: Yeah.

Shawn seemed really happy to have got rid of them.

(LAUGHS) That made me go, "Oh".

And the layers of dust...

I wanted him at least to be breaking down in tears... NIGEL: ..going "No..." CHRISTINA: "Don't take them."

VO: Well, there may be a chance they can add to their hoard without spending another penny.

They're winding their way into Wiltshire, to Marlborough, for a lesson in the art of metal detecting.

Who knows, there could be treasure in them there hills!

Arrr.

CHRISTINA: I had a metal detector as a ninth birthday present.

And I broke it.

Oh.

I was never allowed another one.

So, I'm really actually looking forward to learning about them.

NIGEL: How not to break them?

CHRISTINA: Yeah.

Maybe we shouldn't give you one.

Yeah.

Probably best.

VO: Don't worry, you'll be under the expert tutelage of David Rees, who's been a detectorist for over 30 years.

Hi.

Hello, Christina.

Hello, Nigel.

Nice to meet you.

How are you?

Can we shake your hand or not?

Yeah, I'll take my... You can shake my wrist.

NIGEL: Let's fist bump.

DAVID: Fist bump, hi.

VO: David gives lessons in detecting using the very latest equipment, but the metal detector's history goes back to the American Gold Rush.

In those early pioneering days, if you can imagine, they were sifting for gold, things like that, weren't they?

CHRISTINA: Panning.

DAVID: Panning, you know.

In the rivers and like, and a lot of stuff would've been missed.

Yeah.

So, the person that could invent a machine that could actually find gold was obviously on a winner, really.

So, what we should be seeing in Western films is people with these, not with the... Yeah, absolutely.

It should have been a whole new... DAVID: We never do.

NIGEL: You never see that.

VO: These early devices were very rudimentary however, and didn't work particularly well.

A Frenchman, Gustave Trouve, a Parisian, was the man that is accredited in the 1800s for coming up with the first machine, really.

Then Alexander Graham Bell also got into it at that time, and he came up with a much better machine.

VO: Bell's Detector, however, was devised for a specific medical purpose.

On 2 July 1881 the American president, James Garfield, was shot in Washington.

And Bell's machine was used to try and find the bullet lodged in his body.

But, unfortunately he was laying on a bed made of iron, you know, springs and they couldn't trace the bullet.

He didn't die from that bullet wound, but he died of infection a bit later.

And in World War I they were used extensively for clearing the minefields, and I think that's where originally the metal detectors started to come into their own, really.

And so they had officers trained specially to use these machines.

They were quite basic machines, but they could detect iron, basically, you know, which was what those mines were made of, and so they were used extensively.

They must have saved thousands and thousands of lives.

Absolutely.

And I mean, that's continued, because we're still using them these days in Afghanistan and places like that, they're still being used.

VO: But for the amateur enthusiast, it's the thrill of finding objects from the past that spurs them on.

Items of treasure such as the Staffordshire Hoard discovered in 2009 and containing over 3,000 items of gold and silver, need to be reported as they are property of the Crown.

David's own finds might not be as impressive, but they're fascinating nevertheless.

What's this?

That's a cloth seal, a London cloth seal, and that's dated between 1600 and 1700 that one.

Oh, it's beautiful.

I mean, there's always been kind of a lot of history involved around the Civil War in this part of Wiltshire, you know.

Oh, OK?

Marlborough, down to Devizes, of course.

Maybe there was a small encampment here and someone dropped that.

This is a nice... What on earth is that?

..little collection of coins.

That was from a thatched cottage.

Oh, wow, look at that.

So, those have all fused together?

Yes.

They've been melted around the fire.

In the heat from the fire, yeah.

The roof caught fire.

NIGEL: OK. CHRISTINA: That's amazing.

I thought it looked like a bit of a meteor...

So, that's again from, what, the 17th century?

That's about that sort of period.

Wow.

Yeah.

I think this is just a nice little buckle from a cricket belt.

NIGEL: Oh.

CHRISTINA: Aw, that's cute.

So, you see the crossed cricket bats there?

Oh, now that's lovely.

When you go out you don't know what you're gonna find.

These are quite nice things.

God, it's so diverse.

Yeah, very diverse.

You're spanning from, what, the 17th century to the early 20th century?

Yeah, really, yeah.

So, no pressure, but I want you to find something of equal caliber, OK?

Listen, I'm ready.

I was born to do this.

Let's go for it then.

OK. Oh, my gosh are we doing it?

NIGEL: Yeah.

CHRISTINA: Ooh, that's exciting.

Do you want these back or shall I keep them?

VO: I think David might want them back, Nigel.

See what you can unearth for yourself.

Good technique, Nigel.

Thank you.

Very good technique.

Yeah.

I don't want to alarm you, Dave, but I think mine's broken.

DAVID: Yes?

NIGEL: Nothing's happening.

DAVID: No sound?

NIGEL: Nothing.

Oh my goodness me, no.

That's no good.

Nothing.

I thought I'd have found at least a small car by now.

Come on, beep.

(THEY LAUGH) Can you shout at it?

Does that help?

Yeah, you can do.

I think maybe, for the sake of trying to make the auction in time, we should go back to shopping.

(LAUGHS) VO: Yeah, probably best to get your treasures the old fashioned way, by paying for them.

Now, how are our other duo getting on?

So, how competitive are you feeling?

Is there a rivalry between you and Nigel?

Not really.

We're too fond of each other, you know.

And I've seen some people get quite competitive about this sort of thing.

But I just wanna have a good laugh, and... And hopefully find something interesting.

VO: Oh, they all say that at the start.

Just you wait, David.

They're en route to the pretty Cotswold town of Tetbury, where every year they run a race where you have to carry a 60lb woolsack up a local hill.

Also home to Top Banana.

Five floors!

Wow!

VO: Well, it's getting a bit late so you might not have time to visit them all.

�210 left.

Let's focus, shall we?

Do you know what's really cool, just down here, immediately caught my eye, this little, I think it's pronounced a "weigher" cup, although spelt wager cup.

And they are, I think German in their origin.

Now, I recently got married and I have to say I'm quite glad you weren't there, Dave, because it was a lovely affair.

Yeah, well, I have to say, the invites seem to have dried up lately.

I don't know why.

Well, this is actually part of a wedding tradition.

I believe that the top cup, that the lady, or the bride is holding aloft, swings and that the idea is that the groom and the bride drink from this vessel at the same time, without spilling a drop.

And it's some sort of good omen for the beginning of their life together.

It goes way back.

I think it's a medieval thing.

Really?

Well, now you've told me the background, it makes it a much more attractive proposition, I have to say.

VO: �90 on the ticket, though.

You'll need proprietor Ed to get it out of the cabinet Let's have a look.

Oh, look, it does swing.

Yeah.

So, we could have a try, if you wanted.

Yeah.

Before you know it, we'll be betrothed, but... (LAUGHS) I think that you take from the top, I take from the bottom, and...

I wonder if this is where the loving cup originated from?

Could very well be.

So, I don't know if we can do it.

Mine's already on the floor, I'm afraid.

It's on my boots.

I think cuz I had my hand on it.

I don't know.

At �90 I'm a wee bit scared.

But the question is, of course, I'm talking you into this.

I don't want to do that.

Yeah, but I... What do you think about it?

I think I'll go with your instinct, Tash, it's...

I like it, it's a very...

It feels nice as well.

VO: See if Ed can do you a deal then.

Well, we've got 90 on that.

Mm-hm?

Erm... Look at, look at the loving couple there.

Look at us, look at us.

Could you not just call it a wedding present... NATASHA: ..and be done with it?

ED: I don't know.

If we said to you... ..65.

I think that gives you guys a bit of profit in there.

Dave, it's really your call on this one.

I'm tempted to say yes.

How long have you been married?

Erm, 40 years this September.

Oh, well, maybe then.

So, yeah, we'll shake on that.

OK, good job.

I've been married for two, can I shake?

Absolutely!

VO: Aw, sweet.

�65 it is then.

I always cry at weddings.

First time round.

Oh, she looks good in the daylight.

Oh, she does.

She's going to set some hearts on fire at the auction.

Yeah.

Just you wait and see.

Well, we should test it out with a, a drop... NATASHA: Single malt?

DAVID: Yeah, yeah!

VO: But not till you've got to where you're going to, eh?

Having said that I'm not competitive about this, who knows.

Yeah, exactly.

Maybe something might come out of the woodwork and I might suddenly... You might catch the bug.

VO: Told you so!

(CHUCKLES) Sleep tight.

VO: It's another beautiful morning, and our pair of players in the Porsche are comparing notes.

How'd you get on yesterday?

How was it?

It was a good day.

Natasha was great.

She guided me through the labyrinthine world of antiques.

And we found, I think, our five objects.

Wow.

It sounds like you had a really productive day.

I'm getting nervous.

VO: Nonsense, Nigel.

You made a solid start to your shopping yesterday, getting a good deal on a sewing machine and a very fancy repro clock.

Yes!

That's really good!

Brilliant.

VO: Which means you have �340 at your disposal.

David, meanwhile, went on a bit of a spree, picking up a wager cup, a dragon roof tile, some Murano glass, a water hopper and a donkey money box.

I wonder how you get the dosh out?

VO: So he's left with �145 should anything take his fancy.

And I hope it's not putting any pressure on you.

You don't.

You're crushing my spirit.

That's what you're doing.

Shall we go and meet the girls then?

Yes.

Here's to a good second day.

VO: Gentlemen, your experts await.

Guten Morgen.

Hiya.

NATASHA: How are you?

DAVID: Getting there.

Getting there.

All good.

Feeling good!

VO: Let's have a sneak preview of their buys so far.

Right, shall we show you?

OK, go for it.

CHRISTINA: look at that.

NATASHA: Oh.

This is what we found yesterday.

What do you think's under here, Tash?

Is it a sewing machine?

Yeah, it is.

I couldn't possibly tell.

So, come on, Nigel.

I did try and tell you?

Your choice, so why your choice, Nigel?

(LAUGHS) I don't really know.

I liked the mechanics of it.

Yeah.

And also, we did get it quite cheap.

Which I can understand why now.

18 for that and 42 for that.

Christina, that's a good price for your clock.

Modern, but still a good price.

Exactly.

I don't particularly like it, but I think it has appeal.

When you say modern, I mean... We got it in the Argos catalog.

So that's how modern it is.

VO: Ha!

Other catalogs are available.

Right David, your turn.

Oh, I like the hopper.

My God, it's like Mr Universe!

Wow, look at the dust in there.

Now, that's a hopper.

It's very different... Looks like a toilet cistern.

(THEY LAUGH) What a vote of confidence!

You're just such an old romantic, Nigel!

I'm quite envious, but not as nice...

I'd rather have a sewing machine.

Well, there's more where that came from NATASHA: We've got five pieces.

CHRISTINA: We'd better shop.

You'd better get shopping.

OK, well have a good day, guys.

Bon chance, mon ami, bon chance!

See you later on.

VO: Now you're all out of earshot, what do you really think?

I think they've seen through your Singer sewing machine.

There's nothing like public ridicule.

I mean, they were practically sniggering.

Well, I wouldn't say they were sniggering.

It was very uncouth.

I thought it would be a bit more couth, this show.

And then we've got Christina's choice.

French clock.

It's got some style to it.

They've got a very impressive, erm, slab of marble there, which gives it a bit of body.

And the gold gives it the glitz.

Yeah, yeah.

OK, so maybe we should be a little bit worried.

What gave me more joy than anything was Dave wrestling that thing out of the boot.

Yeah, the hopper.

He was like halfway through it, thinking this wasn't a good idea.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

But, eh...

I can see how he, you know, waves swords around.

He's deceptively strong.

CHRISTINA: Yeah.

NIGEL: Yeah.

Wiry.

VO: Well, we'll see who's the heavyweight when we get to auction at Winchcombe but our first port of call today is Melksham, on the River Avon.

NIGEL: Aha, this is our boy!

VO: And a date with Two Little Ducks.

Should we divide and conquer?

Oh, d'you reckon?

No, absolutely not.

I'll just come back with some other sewing item.

VO: Well would you look at that?

Leave the sewing machine, lots more this way.

(LAUGHS) VO: Yes, there's much more in stock here.

And with �340 in your pocket you can afford to be tempted.

CHRISTINA: Wow.

NIGEL: Look at that.

That's amazing.

Isn't that extraordinary?

That is extraordinary.

What's...

So, it's a tribal mask.

Oh, OK?

So, you'd have worn it as a ritual.

Amazing.

And probably with a price tag to match.

Has it got a price on it?

No.

Has it?

I can't see one, but it looks, yeah.

OK, well, certainly one to...

Difficult to get in your bag, isn't it?

Potentially.

That could be one to ask about.

This is nice.

Ooh, that is nice.

Oh, my gosh.

That has got some serious age to it.

I like that, it's very tactile, isn't it?

It's got, yeah, it's got some weight.

It's substantial.

What drew your eye to that?

Erm... Honey.

That's what I thought.

It looks like Winnie-the-Pooh's honey pot.

That's wooden carving, right?

Smooth?

CHRISTINA: Yeah.

NIGEL: Wood.

I'm wondering whether that is potentially sycamore.

Look at the graining on that.

The weight of it and the wear around here would suggest it's some kind of food vessel.

But look at all the splits down the side.

And if you look inside it's been repaired quite a lot, so it's obviously been at some point a very valuable, or useful tool to somebody.

I like that very much.

It hasn't got a price tag on it again.

Which is worrying.

Well, you know, maybe we'll get lucky.

What d'you think, positive?

Hope so.

What would you pay for that?

20 quid?

I don't pay much more than that for anything.

Done!

there you go.

(LAUGHS) VO: I don't think it quite works like that Nigel.

Let's keep poking about, eh?

Oh there's a little cupboard in here.

Do you think this is a nook, or a cranny?

I'm definitely going with cranny.

Ooh.

Ever in need of a gout stool?

Hold your pot.

They're usually adjustable.

Yeah, so this one... Oh, cool.

So it's got its original leather, so it's probably, erm, 1880, 1890?

And if you suffered from gout, and needed to elevate your ankles...

So, you'd be sitting here and your feet would be up there?

CHRISTINA: Yeah!

NIGEL: OK.

Exactly.

It's like a sun lounger for a tiny person.

It is.

Well... Oh, look.

Oh, it comes up again.

Woo... And there's another one.

Oh, now I'm really wishing I had gout.

Or it could just be the footstool for your chair.

CHRISTINA: That's quite cool.

NIGEL: Yeah.

VO: Once again there's no price tag on that.

Better go and have a word with the man in charge about all your finds.

And what's the, eh, good cop, bad cop?

Are you gonna haggle on this again?

You were good at it yesterday.

Well, we'll give it a go.

Yeah, you were brilliant at it.

I'll just stand behind you again.

Good luck.

VO: Brace yourself, John.

NIGEL: Hi, John.

JOHN: Alright?

Ah, we've seen a few things.

Yeah?

You can guess which one of them is.

Erm...

So we like... Or don't like, er, this.

The incredible bird's nose masky thing.

Yeah.

And there's a stool in the back.

JOHN: A gout stool?

NIGEL: None have prices on.

This piece 35.

35.

The gout stool?

JOHN: 45.

NIGEL: And the mask is 55?

395.

NIGEL: What?

CHRISTINA: Ah.

395.

Oh.

I think I need to sit down.

Yeah.

Completely understandable, because it's beautiful.

It is absolutely beautiful and very sought after in today's market.

Good.

So, that's gone.

Yes.

So, 35, 45?

Yeah.

Which, even with my rudimentary maths comes out to �80.

Yeah.

Get in!

Bearing in mind there's quite a lot of wear on the gout stool.

That brings us out about 50 quid for both of them?

Wow!

I'm loving your work!

VO: I don't think John is.

I'm at 60.

NIGEL: 60?

JOHN: Yeah.

I think we're in, aren't we?

Do you think we should go for it?

Happy?

Yeah, come on, John, we'll shake on that.

Brilliant.

Gosh, look, that's quite...

He's pounced on you.

He's just about to get his other three gout stools out.

(THEY LAUGH) VO: Well, the one you've got has just cost you �35 and your pot is now 25.

Well done all round.

CHRISTINA: Thank you, John.

JOHN: A pleasure.

NIGEL: Have a good day.

CHRISTINA: You are a legend.

JOHN: You too.

CHRISTINA: See you again.

Could you send it on to my private quarters?

VO: Oh, get Lord Grantham there!

Right, buckle up in the back and let's make a move.

(ENGINE ROARS) Elsewhere our Triumph two, with five items in hand, can afford to take a little break.

And it's thirsty work, this antiquing.

Having grown up in Yorkshire, I have to say, without sounding like a professional Yorkshireman, but I love a nice creamy beer, with a good thick head on it that lasts all the way to the bottom.

VO: I'm more of a lager top man myself.

They're off to the Wiltshire market town of Warminster, home to the oldest working maltings in Britain, where they've been making one of the key ingredients for beer for over 160 years.

Lovely.

OK. OK, let's do it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

VO: Such a gent.

Our two have come to learn about the age-old process of making malt, from maltster Robin Appel.

Malt is grain, mostly barley, that's been artificially germinated, to convert the very starchy content of the grain into a lovely, sugary substance called maltose which brewers and distillers can work with to make alcohol.

What I've got here, I've got two samples.

This is a sample of barley, and that is a sample of malt.

It looks the same, but if you were to taste that that's very bitter, and not very tasty.

But I invite you to taste that, because it tastes lovely.

Just as it is?

As it is, absolutely.

And if you remember... Ooh, straight in.

Do you remember a breakfast cereal called Grape Nuts?

Oh, yes.

Because it tastes just like Grape Nuts.

Oh, that was a real tooth breaker, wasn't it?

ROBIN: Yes.

DAVID: I used to love it.

Well, that's the same!

VO: Back in the 1850s, when this maltings was built, many sources of water were unsafe to drink.

Small beer was drunk instead, low in alcohol, and much less likely to give you gippy tummy.

Because of this most places had a maltings, just as they would have had a flour mill.

Malt was an everyday commodity, a fact exploited by governments down the ages.

The malt tax was first introduced in 1644, to help pay for the Civil War.

And very quickly governments realized that actually it was a very inelastic tax.

If you raised it by 10%, you got 10% more revenue.

You could build a whole fleet of new warships on the back of the malt tax, by just jacking up the malt tax.

But of course maltsters tried to evade it, as they would do, because it became quite expensive and onerous and so Customs and Excise found themselves having to write very rigorous rules and regulations, and by 1827 there were 101 different set rules by which you had to abide in order to make a batch of malt.

For the unfortunate maltster, who got all 101 rules wrong, the total fine would've been �13,500, in 1827.

Yeah, even �100 was a lot of money then.

Well, like I say, in 1827 you could've built the town of Warminster for �13,500!

VO: This malt house was remodeled in 1879 to adhere to these strict rules.

A year later, the malt tax was repealed.

But the malt made here to this day still follows those traditional methods.

What's going on here then, behind us?

This is the germination floor.

And what we're doing now is we are managing the germination process.

We want to convert all of the starch inside that grain into sugar, which is why we're using this very medieval tool out here, that's a hand plow.

What we're doing is we're ventilating the grain that's started to chit.

It actually wants to grow away with lots of rootlet, and it wants to produce a green shoot, so we have to slow that process down, and of course the last thing we want, we don't want a lawn out here.

We don't want any green shoots.

And the great thing about these guys coming to work on these floors by hand, every action that they take on these floors, when they walk away they then make the decision in their hand, what do I do next, and when do I do it?

And that varies all the time.

It varies with the weather outside.

It varies with the variety of the barley.

And so that's why this method I think is special, because this is a very bespoke method of converting that starchy barley into this lovely sugary malt product.

VO: After five days on the malt floors, the barley is then fired in a kiln to stop germination and add flavor.

Then Robin's traditionally made malt is bought by craft brewers and home brewers to make beer.

And I think it's about time we sampled a few, don't you?

Right, come on then, Dave, hand over the keys.

You're done for the day driving.

Yeah.

I'll just accept gracefully.

Well, try this, David.

Hopefully you can taste the malt coming through.

Oh, yes.

Well, cheers to you both.

Yes.

Thank you.

I won't join in, but I'll say to your good health.

If you want to clash with the water jug?

Help yourself!

(LAUGHS) VO: I don't think it's quite the same, David.

Elsewhere, our other actor and expert are also in buoyant mood.

I was in the original cast of Mamma Mia.

Who did you play?

I played a guy called Eddie, who was one of the beach bums on the island who was mates with the best man.

Every night he used to do, the guy onstage would sing # Knowing me, knowing you.

# And I'd go... # A-ha.

# Knowing me # Knowing you.

BOTH: # That's the best I can do.

# Ooh, wah-wah-wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah.

# VO: Well, thanks for the cool music.

Those two are making their way to Somerset and Frome, once described as Britain's sixth coolest town.

Well they do have drive-in antiques stores.

Dead sophisticated.

NIGEL: Ooh.

CHRISTINA: This is exciting.

This must be the place.

VO: With a sizable �280 still to play with, there's got to be something in here that'll float their boat.

Some of it might still be a bit out of their budget of course.

Look at that.

That is just incredible, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's amazing.

I mean, what is it worth?

The different crests, different houses.

It's beautiful.

I mean, it's like something out of Hogwarts.

You can imagine that just freestanding somewhere.

As a folly, it would just be amazing.

Beautiful.

The work that's gone into it is quite stunning.

I'm sure the house of Bradley's up here somewhere.

Yeah, very possibly.

They've been around for centuries.

Well, he has.

VO: Cheeky!

Now those look a bit more affordable.

These are cool, aren't they?

So, they're old oil lamps, OK?

Yeah, exactly.

So, you've got a wall mounted bracket.

You've got your wick in there.

Your oil reservoir in there.

And I assume that that, that's your glass trumpet that would have fit over there, and you would've had that on the wall.

OK.

I think those are quite cool.

English made.

They're slightly sort of ecclesiastical, aren't they?

I think they need a bit of a scrub up, don't they?

Well, they do, but that's half the fun.

Woah, a bit, yeah... For the purchaser, potentially.

Yes, of course, yes, we could add that.

And the bonus is you get to do some of your own cleaning.

VO: It could be their USP!

Now, out on the road, David and his designated driver are also heading Frome-wards.

And feeling very chilled about the whole thing.

It can be just a bit of a fun rummage around and if we see something we like, and if not then we're kind of home and dry.

VO: But you've still got �145 should anything grab you.

Hark, the Herald!

NATASHA: Here we go!

Ugh!

Oh, I've parked a bit close to these lanterns.

VO: Nicely done, Natasha.

Now there's lots of space to lose yourself in, so you shouldn't run into your rivals.

In fact it looks bigger on the inside than it does on the outside.

Sound familiar David?

Oh, my goodness.

I don't think that's for sale, is it?

Lost In Time And Space.

It's actually pasted to the wall.

It's not much, but it's home.

NATASHA: Isn't that cool?

DAVID: It is.

At a convention that would be a collector's item.

Yeah.

That would go for a lot.

What about the conventions?

Do you go to them?

I've been to one or two, yeah.

Oh, you have not?

And do you get absolutely mobbed.

Yeah, well I get quite a few people who've watched one of the franchises that I've been fortunate to be involved in, yes.

You're a triple threat.

Yeah.

Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Dr Who?

Yeah.

Do they have to wait in line three times to get three different photos of you?

VO: Meanwhile Nigel's busy playing his own Game Of Thrones.

Ha-ha!

This caught my eye from across the way.

CHRISTINA: Eh, wow.

NIGEL: I know.

Why have you been looking at toilet bowls?

(LAUGHS) I mean, it is a very smart loo, isn't it?

Can you imagine that in somebody's...

I mean, that would have been...

It's not just a, it's not just a thunderbox, is it, it's a proper loo.

I mean, it would have been incredibly smart, you know, if we're thinking of the scale of... people's loos.

Posh bottoms, is what you're saying?

NIGEL: Posh bottoms?

CHRISTINA: Yes.

VO: If you think that hits the spot, how about this one?

CHRISTINA: Look at that.

NIGEL: Yeah.

Now, if there was a loo to be had, isn't that magnificent?

I love this notion of the lid.

Yeah?

Yes.

Cuz up until that point you think, "Oh, it's a gramophone".

(LAUGHS) And then you go... "Oh!

Look!".

It's the most perfect loo.

Take a moment.

Look, this is quite sophisticated because you have a sort of a plungy flush.

And then your release would be in there.

And then you...

I assume that they would have to come and collect that.

So, then you'd send for Jeeves.

And go, "Come".

You should know this.

Oh, we didn't do this on Downton.

Aw.

No, no, I draw the line at that.

I'm not a method actor.

VO: (LAUGHS) Let's try and raise the tone a little, shall we?

Ooh, look David's got his pens out.

If this doesn't make a fortune, Dave, then I just have no idea what will.

I wish I shared your faith.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Ey-hup, kids.

We've been caught in the act.

What are you doing?

What's going on?

You're not necessarily allowed to do graffiti.

Christina, we're adding provenance to our lot.

You're adding provenance?

Not history.

More who's handled this item?

Where has it been?

It's currently being signed by Walder Frey, AKA David Bradley.

Is this naughty, Christina?

Is this cheating.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS) And here comes a quote.

Can you read it out with full gusto?

Oh, hang on.

"The Lannisters send their regards."

OK, come on.

Seriously, we've got to go and sign something, buy something.

Congratulations!

Do anything.

Really pleased for you.

Subtlety isn't everything you know.

Yes, I've noticed that in your work.

(LAUGHS) VO: Leave it Nigel, he's not worth it.

Besides you've still got stuff to buy.

Best go and have a word, eh?

Now, Karl, we're looking for a bargain.

KARL: Yeah.

CHRISTINA: We like that screen.

It is a bargain.

Something like that would cost you about 38,000.

�38,000?

Yeah.

How much have we got left?

VO: Dream on, Nigel.

So, we'll switch to plan B.

There's a pair of oil lamps, with wall mounts just there.

The church lamps, yeah?

Are they church lamps, are they?

Yeah, church lamps, yeah.

And the other one is the stoneware toilet.

�60.

CHRISTINA: For the loo?

KARL: For the loo, yeah.

And what about the wall brackets?

Yeah, they're about 125.

125?

That's no money, is it?

Karl, we're... Oh, we're gonna have to do better than that, Karl.

Yeah, I can, 150!

(LAUGHS) VO: Yeah, you don't want to mess with Karl.

I think instinctively we should hunt brackets and not toilet bowls.

We like them but not at that price.

Can you do anything for us?

I tell you what I'll do.

I'll get them down to �85.

That's a trade price.

75 and you've got yourself a deal.

Come on then, last deal of the day.

KARL: Done.

CHRISTINA: Yeah?

We'll do it.

We'll do it, we'll do it.

Thank you very much, thank you.

Thank you.

I can't feel my hand any more.

Ow!

VO: And with that strapping discount, I think our work here is done.

Right, you guys.

Well, it ain't over yet.

We'll see you for the showdown!

See you for the showdown.

Yeah.

Exactly, I love it!

(LAUGHS) VO: Things just got competitive.

See you at the auction.

VO: Sweet dreams!

VO: It's show time for our two amateur antiquers as the curtain rises on auction day.

Dave, the moment of reckoning is upon us.

This is my first auction experience, so I'm kind of excited about that.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just interested in seeing what mine and Natasha's judgment will bear fruit or not.

Erm... Might be a couple of dried old plums, or something like that.

VO: Oh, I say!

After starting off in Oxfordshire... at Wantage and heading southwards, we've come back to the Cotswolds and the genteel little town of Winchcombe.

(HORN TOOTS) VO: There goes the neighborhood.

CHRISTINA: Good morning.

NATASHA: Good morning.

That was a really discreet arrival there, well done.

We need to wake up the neighbors.

(THEY LAUGH) Hello there.

Are you alright?

Very well.

How are you?

I'm OK. Getting there.

Let's go make some money.

VO: Here's hoping that British Bespoke Auctions is the place to do it in, then.

David and Natasha spent �255 on five auction lots, like this little sweetheart.

It's a fun thing.

It's not practical.

It's not practical.

Therefore, it's out.

Do we think this is gonna...

I mean, I'm not intimidated by this at all.

Are you not?

I think you probably should be.

NIGEL: Oh really?

CHRISTINA: Mm.

VO: Nigel and Christina also bought five lots for a total of a �195.

Gout stool anyone?

I have to say, there's something a little bit unattractive, and yet weirdly appealing about it.

Yes, that's right.

It's very watchable.

I should think a bit of analysis, you know, for a budding young psychiatrist, that would appeal.

DAVID: Obviously an original.

NATASHA: Yeah.

DAVID: It's not like a copy.

NATASHA: Victorian, I think.

That could make a profit, for sure.

VO: It's getting busy in here, and bidders are queuing up online too.

So let's see what's caught the eye of auctioneer Nicholas Granger and his able assistant, Bella.

This is a great piece.

Walder Frey, Lord of Riverrun.

This will make a fantastic wedding present, and an investment for the future.

These tiles I think are gonna be worth quite a lot of money in the future.

So, put your money where your mouth is and I think that could be a good one.

So, a pair of Victorian oil lamps, with brass fittings, wall mounts.

Quite collectable, cuz there's a pair.

That's unusual.

I think they'll do quite well.

VO: Mind your ear.

(CHUCKLES) Thanks Nicholas.

I bet he gets through a lot of suits.

Right you lot, let's get settled in.

This is exciting, isn't it?

Have you ever been to auction with a parrot?

VO: (SQUAWKS) Never.

Will our first lot be a high flyer, or for the birds?

Nigel's sewing machine, next.

I feel a stitch-up coming on.

How much did you pay?

CHRISTINA: �18.

DAVID: Hah!

Who'll start the bidding on the Singer sewing machine, OK. Who'll start me off at �15.

At 15 we have, looking for �18 now.

18 in the room.

That surprises me.

That's �3 more than I thought.

At �18 there, at 18.

Looking for 20 now.

20 then, at 20 in the room.

What?

Oh.

Are you a ventriloquist?

22 would you like to go?

At 22.

And five, sir?

25.

CHRISTINA: What?

NICHOLAS: At 22 at the back.

Another �2.

At �22.

Bravo, bravo!

DAVID: Yeah.

CHRISTINA: Bravo.

Sold to David Bradley.

Respect, respect!

VO: Er, they're not laughing now, are they Nigel?

I'm a natural.

I'm an absolute natural.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

VO: Next up, David's hefty bit of Victorian drainage.

Who'll start me off at �20?

At �20.

Got to be worth �20.

At �20 here.

Looking for �22.

Looking for �22.

We have 20 on the net.

It's not a strong start.

Looking for 22.

At 22, looking for 22.

Less than the sewing machine.

At 22 in the room.

Thank you.

At 22, in the room now, at 22.

Looking for 25 elsewhere.

At �22, cuz you haven't included the drainpipes.

At �22.

Everybody sure?

Going once, twice...

Selling then at �22, then.

To the room.

Oh, me and my mouth.

Oh, well.

VO: No cast iron guarantees in this game.

You nearly gave yourself a double hernia for that!

(LAUGHS) VO: Nigel's bit of Treen next.

His sycamore pot.

OK, who'll start me off with this.

�40?

40 I've got now.

Looking for �42.

Oh, yeah.

Profit.

With me now at �40.

Looking for 42.

Two on the net now.

At 42 on the net now, at 42.

45?

In the room, 45.

Selling at �42 then.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Fine.

CHRISTINA: A profit or a loss?

NATASHA: I think it's a profit.

CHRISTINA: Do you think?

It's a profit, yeah, yeah.

OK, I'll take that.

VO: And not a bad little profit at that.

Good spot, Nigel.

NIGEL: We're just... CHRISTINA: Yeah.

NIGEL: Cruising along.

CHRISTINA: Level pegging.

We're waiting for the big hit.

Yeah.

Is that after tax?

(LAUGHS) VO: The wedding cup next.

Natasha was a bit nervous about this one.

At �20, shall we get it going at 20?

20 I have.

20 here.

Looking for 22.

With you, madam, at 22.

Bidding in the room, thank you, at 22.

25.

And 28 madam, would you like to go?

28 in the room, and 30, sir?

At 30.

Pretty little thing.

32, on the net as well, at 35, sir?

At 35 sitting in the chair, 35.

See, you've got bidders in the room, you've got bidders online.

CHRISTINA: Amazing.

DAVID: Yeah.

You've just got to give up the acting and get into the antiques.

Get into antiques, yeah.

A lot of people have been saying that, for years.

At �38, on the net.

Going once.

Twice, then.

Selling at �38.

To the net.

(GAVEL) We did think it was a wee bit risky.

VO: Yeah, not the happily ever after you were looking for.

Well, you know, we've not quite made enough money to maybe fund a wedding, but certainly to buy a nice wedding gift.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You've done brilliantly.

It might be enough for a cheap flight to Torremolinos, or something.

VO: Ha-ha.

Nigel and Christina's ecclesiastic oil lamps now.

Will they shine?

I can start the bidding at �20.

Looking for 22 now.

And two with you, madam.

She's bidding.

They look nicer on the telly than in real life, I have to say.

So do we.

22, with you madam, in the room.

Looking for 25 now.

And five on the net now, thank you.

VO: I think that bird's bidding.

Madam, would you like to go?

At �28 in the room, at 28, looking for 30 now.

28, with you now.

I mean, these are survivors.

We're making a loss here.

At �28, then, to the room.

Everything that you did with the Singer sewing machine has now just been wiped out.

The Singer, the Singer sewing machine's looking, like, brilliant.

(LAUGHS) A brilliant idea.

VO: Oh dear, their first loss.

It's gone a bit gloomy.

We'll get it back, don't worry.

VO: That's the spirit!

Now David and Natasha's sweet bit of folk art.

Here we go.

Money box live.

Let's hear it for the donkey.

Who'll start the bidding, ladies and gentlemen, at 20.

At �20, we have now, looking for 22.

At 22.

Come on.

We've got up here now, and two, and five, and eight.

I'm looking for �30.

Looking for 30 now?

We're in profit.

Are we?

On the net now, we have.

At �30 on the net, at 30.

I'm looking for 32.

And two on the net.

At 32 on the net, looking for 35 now.

Oh!

Looking for 35.

32, bid.

Someone's in at 32.

Five, at 35.

I'm looking for �38.

At 38.

35 now... OK, we're in trouble.

Nigel might have to leave.

Selling at 38.

At �38.

Yes!

Bravo!

VO: And that, David, is how you get the dosh out!

We made some money!

Yeah.

VO: Time for Christina's bit of bling now.

And yes, Nigel, Ormolu is a word.

It's a very nice-looking thing.

Plenty of bang for your buck there.

It's lovely.

And it's flanked by two beautiful cherubs, a bit like David and Nigel.

VO: Oh, you smoothie!

Who'd like to start bidding at �50?

Looking for �50 on that.

Have I got 50 in the room, on the net?

We're looking for �50 on the net, looking for 50.

On the net at �50, thank you.

Well done the net.

Thank God my agent's watching.

(LAUGHS) Thank you.

Selling, at 50.

Once, twice, at �50, then, are we sure?

And sold to the net, thank you.

VO: Well, it's a wee bit of a profit.

Sad times.

That should've done better.

Yeah.

VO: It's that big lump of Italian glass next.

Who'll start the bidding, ladies and gentlemen, at �30?

Looking for �30 in the room.

Straight away, �30.

And on the net as well.

At 32 it needs to be.

At 35.

38, madam, would you like to go?

38.

Looking for 40, looking for 40.

And two, madam?

She likes it.

She likes it.

And five.

We're looking for, we're looking for 50.

50, five... Tens, go up in tens.

55, on the net.

20.

60 in the room, then.

At 60.

And five.

And 70, sir?

70.

And five?

At 80, sir?

At 80.

And five, madam?

85.

And 90, sir?

This is great.

90, would you like?

90, thank you.

And five, madam?

NATASHA: Fantastic.

DAVID: Yeah.

110?

�100.

At �100, in the room.

And giving fair warning.

Are we sure?

Selling, the lovely Murano glass.

Fantastic, you guys.

Well done.

Brilliant.

�100, are we done?

And sold.

Aw.

VO: That's more like it!

Bravissimo!

That is brilliant.

DAVID: Yeah.

NIGEL: Brilliant.

DAVID: It is, isn't it?

NIGEL: Yeah!

VO: Nigel and Christina's last lot now.

Don't put your feet up just yet.

Got to be on �30.

In the room, at home, it's vintage, at �30.

Looking for �30.

With you, madam, at �30.

Now I know you're a red wine drinker.

At �30, madam.

At 30 in the room, at 30.

Looking for 32 elsewhere.

At 30 in the room.

Anyone want to go 32?

We've got 30 bid in the room.

We're flying off the shelf.

30 bid.

In the room, looking for 32.

At 30, with you, madam.

Come on, gout stool.

You can do it.

Looking for 32.

At �30, then.

Are we gonna sell it at 30 only?

Are we sure?

At �30.

Oh, dear.

Enjoy the red wine too.

Sold to you, madam.

VO: Ouch!

That's a bit of a pain.

(LAUGHS) Oh, you've been unlucky there.

Yeah.

That's the story of our sale, isn't it?

Oh, Nigel.

I don't wanna...

I can't talk about it any more.

VO: Right, last up is David's dragon.

Has he added star quality, or simply defaced a lovely bit of terracotta?

And we're gonna start off on this with commission bids on this.

At �140 with me.

Oooh!

VO: Oh, that's good!

Looking for �150, at 140 with me, 150.

Looking for 160 now.

160 in the room, 160.

170?

170.

180, sir?

180.

In the room at �180.

180, or on the net, 180.

190, sir?

190 in the room.

190.

There you go.

Even the parrot's interested.

At 190 we've got.

At 190 in the room, with you sir, at 190.

And looking for 200.

190 in the room and 200 here, and 20, sir, would you like to go?

220.

At 220 in the room.

VO: Oh, yes!

At 220 in the room, bidding.

At �220.

David might be kind to you, sir.

(LAUGHTER) Looking for 240 now.

Looking for 240.

At �220.

I'm gonna give fair and final warning.

At �220 once.

At �220 twice.

Selling at �220.

Oh, well done... VO: Well if that's not the mother of dragons, I don't know what is.

Well done David!

Thank goodness for Lord Walder Frey.

Yeah.

Not everybody says that.

I've had a fantastic time, thank you.

Well done.

VO: I think we know who's won, but let me tell you the gory details.

VO: Nigel and Christina set off valiantly with �400 but, after auction costs, they made a loss, ending up with �346.04.

VO: David and Natasha started out with the same amount but, after saleroom fees, they pulled off a profit, so, they are the victors with �487.76.

All profits go to Children In Need.

Well, that was fantastic.

Well done, Dave.

Yeah, well done you folks.

NIGEL: Antique sleuth.

DAVID: And, er... Well done, everyone.

Thank you, Tash, that was absolutely brilliant.

I think this is goodbye.

Oh, this is, oh... Take care.

I don't want to say goodbye.

CHRISTINA: Oh, look.

DAVID: Oh, well it won't...

It's arrivederci, I hope.

Come on, superstar.

Let's rock.

Bye bye, thank you!

(TOOTS HORN) Mwah!

VO: Typical actors.

Always making a grand exit.

(CHUCKLES) Well, that was a blast.

That was really good.

It's just flown by.

It has.

I'd like to do that all again.

I really would.

DAVID: I bet you would!

NIGEL: I'd like to... (THEY LAUGH) VO: Liar!

(LAUGHS) Cheerio, then.

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