Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities-- I like surprises.

..paired up with an expert...

I got excited then!

TIM: Ooh!

VO: Whoopsie!

..and a classic car.

BOTH: Here we go!

(CAR BACKFIRES) DAVID: Wowzer!

Their mission?

To scour Britain for antiques.

Am I on safari?

(WHISTLE BLOWS) The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auction.

(GASPS) But it's no easy ride.

Oh, dear!

Who will find a hidden gem?

(NEIGHS) Who will take the biggest risk?

(LAUGHS) Will anybody follow expert advice?

I hate it.

There will be worthy winners... (LAUGHS) ..and valiant losers.

DAVID: Double drat... ROSIE: Oh, no!

Put your pedal to the metal...

Spend, spend, spend.

This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

Oh yes!

MUSIC: 'The Boys Are Back In Town' by Thin Lizzy How's the sound system?

CD player?

Yeah, yeah.

There's a...

There's great bass in it.

Listen.

VO: Easy on the bass.

(HORN TOOTS A MELODY) Today on the Road Trip, it's a battle of the boybands, as driving through the beautiful hills and dales of Derbyshire, in a 1972 VW Transporter are old friends Keith Duffy and Brian McFadden.

Yeah!

BRIAN: I feel like I'm in an episode of Scooby-Doo and any minute, you're gonna pull off your face and Ronan Keating's gonna be sitting there.

Gotcha!

MUSIC: 'I Have A Dream' by Westlife VO: Touche, Brian.

These old pals are now touring the world as boy band super group Boyzlife, performing the hits of Keith's Boyzone, and from Brian's time in Westlife.

Between them, these two heart-throbs have had a staggering 17 number-one hits.

VO: But today, it's all about antiques.

KEITH: You've got your antique guy and I've got my antique guy, and we go off separately.

We both have a budget of, like...

I think it's something like 400 quid.

And then we go and sell the items, and whoever makes more money than the other wins the whole thing.

VO: Very succinctly explained, Keith, thank you.

And helping them out today in the 1971 Buick Skylark, made before three-point seat belts, are Road Trip's very own Thelma and Louise.

The evergreen Margie Cooper... MARGIE: Look, if you feel I'm going to go over too far, just scream.

ROO: I will.

VO: ..and the slightly petrified Roo Irvine.

And I tell you what, we haven't bumped in... Lane!

Lane, lane!

We haven't hit anybody yet.

That was close, though.

Oh, was it?

VO: Yeah, very close.

Perhaps Margie's getting overexcited at the thought of today's guests.

She loves a tattoo.

MARGIE: I've got Brian McFadden, who was from Westlife.

ROO: And I've got Keith Duffy from Boyzone.

So this is a battle of the bands, the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip, Boyzone versus Westlife showdown.

Game on... ROO: It'll be good fun!

MARGIE: Do you think?

Yeah.

Well, you and I, we can let the boys carry on with the shopping.

You and I can sit down with a couple of donuts.

VO: Now, talking about sitting down with a couple of donuts, the campervan has made a short stop.

Here you go.

Here's your tea bag.

You're supposed to make the tea in that before we sit down.

This is gonna be a long day, isn't it?

If we can't even make tea, how are we gonna do this?

VO: This could indeed be a long day.

ROO: Do you know, You've been doing Road Trip... MARGIE: Yeah!

ROO: ..for a lot longer than me and we're competitive, I can imagine, but I think Keith and Brian are going to be fiercely competitive.

You ready?

I suppose I'm as ready as I'm going to be.

Cheers, brother.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I see your game plan.

VO: He-he!

Get a move on, you happy campers, and don't leave the girls waiting.

Are you ready for this, Roo?

Yes.

Although I don't know if we're ready for the boys.

MARGIE: (CHUCKLES) BRIAN: Aye-aye, sailors!

Woohoo!

MARGIE: Cool, that.

ROO: Look at them!

BRIAN: Hey, hey!

ROO: Hello!

BRIAN: Hello, ladies.

(MARGIE CHUCKLES) MARGIE: Oh, gosh.

ROO: Wow!

Hang on...

They're not the two we ordered.

ROO: Yes!

Keith... KEITH: How are you, darling?

I'm good, how are you?

Aw!

All the better for seeing you.

BRIAN: How are you, you alright?

MARGIE: I'm very well.

ROO: You like?

Hat.

KEITH: You look amazing... We're not going to lose you at the market today.

VO: So, the teams are decided, but what about the motors?

So what are we in?

You're in that and we're in this.

You're in the Scooby-Doo-mobile.

ROO: Oh, no!

KEITH: Come on, darling.

KEITH: Don't you worry.

ROO: Oh, thank you.

This is good service.

We'll have the time of our life, young lady.

VO: Yeah, typical rock star, that.

Time to get shopping!

Right, so I've got the Duffy and Margie's with Brian... KEITH: So you've got the duster.

ROO: I've got the duster.

Yeah, they call me Dusty.

And Marge has the B-Mac.

The B-Mac?

Yeah.

So it's Duster and B-Mac.

VO: Hm.

How's the B-Mac getting on with M-Coop?

MARGIE: So are you into antiques?

The only antique I know is Louis Walsh.

(SHE CHUCKLES) So you two are best buddies?

KEITH: We are indeed.

ROO: But are you competitive?

He is unbelievably competitive.

ROO: So... Like, we play golf together.

And if Brian's not playing well, he'll be in bad form for the rest of the day.

And...

He'll throw the golf club...

Absolutely, he'll throw them into the trees.

He'll use disgraceful language.

VO: There'll be none of that on the Road Trip, thank you.

I can tell you one thing - Keith Duffy is stingy.

But he will barter everything.

If something's 100, he'll get it for 50p.

MARGIE: Well... BRIAN: He's a barter.

VO: He's a what?

ROO: We're basically going to find these antiques and unlock the secrets.

So think of ourselves as detectives, for the next... KEITH: Detectives?

ROO: Yeah, we're detectives.

KEITH: Excellent, I like that.

ROO: Detective Duffy and Irvine.

KEITH: Duster.

Duster and Roo.

ROO: Duster and Roo.

KEITH: Dusteroo.

ROO: Dusteroo.

VO: Well, Team Dusteroo and Team B-Ma-Coop - ha!

- your Road Trip starts today in Belper in Derbyshire and then dilly-dallies through its many dales before finishing at auction in the South Yorkshire steel town of Sheffield.

Each team starts with �400 to spend.

The attractive town of Belper sits at the heart of the Derwent Valley Mills World Heritage Site, an area rich with industrial history and a prime antique hunting ground.

The first shop for both our teams today is Derwentside Home Centre and Antiques.

And first out of the traps are our detective duo.

What a fine, sunny day.

Look at the size of this place.

Go on, give us the arm.

Right, let's... You...

Hang on, I'm the man.

ROO: Oh!

(SHE CHUCKLES) VO: This former 19th-century flour mill stretches over three floors.

But what can Roo and Keith find to spend their dough on?

Have you ever been in an antique shop?

No, so show me what we're looking for.

ROO: Follow me.

KEITH: Show me!

VO: You're looking for antiques, Keith, and you'd better hurry up, as here's the competition rolling in.

MARGIE: Right.

BRIAN: Wow!

Are you ready?

There'll be a lot to... BRIAN: It's big!

MARGIE: There'll be a lot to see.

Now, nothing too heavy cuz you know I'm going to have to carry it.

VO: Ha-ha!

He is a cheeky boy.

Now, what can they find in here?

KEITH: Oop!

ROO: Sorry.

Did that hurt your brain there?

It's only wood.

I don't know, I haven't got one.

They're looking at hats.

MARGIE: They're looking at hats?

They're looking at hats.

VO: Ah, bit of industrial espionage, eh?

See, maybe if you found this as its original form before somebody kind of messed it up.

Behind them.

Look right through.

There's like an old camera.

He's pointing at it now!

He's pointing at it now.

It's like an old movie camera.

Oh, so is that what he's after?

He just walked away from it.

VO: It might look like a movie camera... Aye-aye, what you two doing here?

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARGIE: Sticks are good... Hello.

BRIAN: Found binoculars.

KEITH: Yeah?

What did you see?

MARGIE: So what are you up to?

BRIAN: You.

(THEY CHUCKLE) MARGIE: Have you bought anything?

ROO: No.

I saw you looking at that old camera thing behind there.

You impressed by it?

KEITH: No.

BRIAN: Does it look...?

BRIAN: How much is it?

KEITH: It's a lamp.

That's not a lamp.

KEITH: They're all lamps, Brian.

BRIAN: Really?

Margie, I think, will be picking the items today.

ROO: What do you think?

VO: I think that might be a great idea.

Now, can Roo shed any light on what this is?

Well, this is a huge copper ewer and I'm guessing it's... Feel the weight of that.

VO: A ewer is an old Anglo-Norman name for a jug or vase used to carry water.

This one comes from Asia.

The ticket price is �70.

Now sometimes you could even carry it on your head, but that's very, very, very heavy.

KEITH: It's heavy without any water in it.

ROO: I know, exactly.

Can you imagine if there was water in it?

You'd have a pretty flat head by the end of the day.

Yeah, well, you'd have a sore head anyway.

ROO: But do you know what attracts me to this?

It's solid copper.

This being copper is immediately collectable for the scrap value, and the sheer weight of it and the size of it.

So are you saying to me that we're effectively going to buy this because somebody else will buy it from us in order to melt it down or break it up to make into something else?

No, not at all.

But it's the same with silver.

Silver has a minim... And gold.

It's got a minimum scrap value.

Doesn't mean someone's going to melt it down.

It means it will hold its value, no matter what.

Oh, I see.

OK. Yeah.

One to think about.

VO: So, one maybe for Keith and Roo.

Now, have Brian and Margie found anything?

Ooh!

A drum.

Yes!

Now I think drums are quite good.

Why?

Well, cuz they make coffee tables out of them.

BRIAN: A coffee table?

MARGIE: Yeah.

Put a glass top on it.

Yeah, but you don't want to put it down too quick cuz it'll go... boing!

It's not terribly old.

It's quite nice when they've got, like, rope round them.

It looks a bit wrecked, doesn't it?

Oh, hang on, it's got some writing on it.

BRIAN: So what does this... MARGIE: Oh, hey, what's this?

Ooh!

Prince of Wales feathers.

Oh, that's interesting.

It's the 3rd Cadet.

That's the Prince of Wales coat.

The Prince of Wales?

It just says "ich dien" - that's German.

MARGIE: Yeah.

VO: You're right.

It is German, Brian.

Clever boy.

It means, "I serve".

The ticket price on this 1950s drum is �99.

Let's think of people who would like this.

You're going to have, obviously maybe as you said, some young cool kid, who might want it... MARGIE: Yeah.

BRIAN: ..in their living room... MARGIE: Yeah.

Yeah.

BRIAN: ..as a coffee table.

You might want a royalist, who likes the idea that it's got anything to do with the royal family.

Yeah, true.

I think you're right.

You're thinking right.

Or someone who just likes drums.

VO: Or a young, cool, drum-playing, coffee-drinking royalist!

Ha!

Look, I really like this.

Yeah.

But 99's not it.

We can't do it at that.

BRIAN: It's too much, isn't it?

MARGIE: Yeah.

Do you reckon we can get them down?

What are you smiling at me for?

You've got to smile at HER.

I can't.

I'm...

I'm useless.

If I try and barter, we'll pay 120 for it.

Will you barter for me?

Right, I'll barter for you.

BRIAN: Right.

VO: On hand to help is Sharon.

SHARON: Hello there.

MARGIE: Hello, hello.

Right, so, we thought that we'd quite fancy buying this.

SHARON: OK. MARGIE: So what is the best price?

SHARON: Um... MARGIE: Let's start at a fiver.

OK?

SHARON: And work up quite rapidly.

BRIAN: And see... What I will need to do - let me just give the dealer a call.

MARGIE: Right.

VO: OK, while Sharon gets on the blower to the drum dealer, are Keith and Roo any closer to buying anything?

I mean, in the world that we live in today though, is... ROO: Well... KEITH: Is this a good thing or a bad thing, you know?

If that's authentic, it's quite amazing.

But in this day and age, is it PC to be buying something like that?

Because obviously there was people trying to make money on other people's misfortune.

ROO: It's a shame.

This symbolizes a time we didn't understand our bodies.

We didn't understand medicine and science.

But it's also a reminder to how far we've moved on.

VO: These signs are often reproductions but make good decorative pieces.

The ticket price is �30.

But would people in auction be seen to be buying something like this?

Well, I think people will go for something that visually looks good in their... Yeah.

..man cave, their home bar, that's not associated with what it was many hundreds of years ago.

And it's just a colorful sign that's quite quirky.

Shall we, shall we have a think about it?

KEITH: Absolutely.

ROO: Let's bank it.

Put it in the bank.

Yeah!

VO: OK, so that's two possible suspects now for detectives Duffy and Irvine.

How did Sharon get on with that drum dealer?

SHARON: I've spoken to our lovely dealer, Nick.

Now, he gave me clearance to drop it to 68.

MARGIE: Ooh.

We're having it.

BRIAN: Shall we do it?

Would that be alright for you?

Great, I'm very happy with that.

SHARON: OK, wonderful.

MARGIE: You happy with that?

BRIAN: Oh, absolutely.

SHARON: Thank you very much.

MARGIE: And thank you very much.

SHARON: Thank you.

VO: Fantastic!

The first deal of the day is done.

The 1950s drum for �68, leaving them with �332.

Right.

So...

I guess I'm carrying this, yeah?

MARGIE: Yeah.

BRIAN: Right, you go have a tea.

MARGIE: You sure?

BRIAN: Go on.

VO: With just one purchase, Brian and Margie are back to the Buick.

They're hitting the road, but are Keith and Roo still browsing?

Now, see, Keith, that's quite interesting.

It doesn't look sexy or colorful.

But do you know what?

These are very, very collectable at auction.

It says, "Large barrel - �38.

Last one left."

And d'you know what these are really popular for?

Huge big planters in gardens.

If you were to buy that new from a garden centre, you'd be looking at about �150.

I think that's a no-brainer, if you like it.

KEITH: Yeah.

No, no, I'm with you.

We've got a few other shops to go to, so we don't want to blow our budget all in the one place.

No.

Definitely not.

Seen this, which we like at 38.

ROO: The circus sign.

KEITH: Yeah.

30.

And the big copper ewer, 70.

So, in total, that's �138.

Do you think those three things are different enough, quirky enough?

Yeah.

This road trip only happens once, so I want to make sure we win.

Oh, right.

So I need to make sure that these ladies here give us a good price.

VO: Keith likes a haggle, so let's hope Sharon preferred Boyzone to Westlife.

KEITH: So there's... SHARON: Yeah.

..a few different items we'd like to purchase if... SHARON: OK. KEITH: ..we can agree on price.

SHARON: OK. KEITH: But we don't wanna hurt you where you're already hurting.

SHARON: OK. KEITH: So, we don't mind paying �38 for the barrel.

SHARON: Yes.

KEITH: There's a sign through in the other room, the freak-show sign.

We're happy to give you 30 quid... SHARON: Yeah.

OK. KEITH: .. for the sign.

KEITH: You've got a copper urn.

SHARON: Yes.

Well, at the moment, you're selling for 70.

OK.

But we would really appreciate it if you guys could do a considerable deal on that.

OK.

The whole lot would be 138.

Mm-hm.

Take it down to 50 for the ewer would be 118.

I think we can give you an extra �10 off that.

So 108 in total.

We'd be really happy with that.

And you know what?

I'm not going to argue with you.

SHARON: Fantastic.

Thank you.

KEITH: Thank you very much.

VO: Ah, a bit of the old blarney there from Keith and he's sealed the deal.

That's the ewer knocked down to �40, the sign for 30 and a barrel for 38.

It's absolutely brilliant.

It just takes... ROO: Let's go shopping.

KEITH: ..so much pressure off.

We can take our time now in the other shops and...

It's a big weight off my shoulders.

ROO: Come on, mister.

KEITH: Well done, buddy.

ROO: Well done.

KEITH: Well done!

Argh, you're too strong.

VO: Brian and Margie, meanwhile, are having a good old natter in the Buick.

BRIAN: Going forward in life, this will be probably my family heirloom and I'll give this to my kids when I finally pass on.

Hopefully they'll do the same.

Gary Player, one of the greatest golfers of all time, is a friend of mine.

And as a thank you for all the work I've done for his charity, he gave me this Rolex, BRIAN: engraved... MARGIE: On the back.

"With love from Gary Player."

MARGIE: Oh, my goodness.

What a treasure!

So, to me, this is priceless, you know?

Is it waterproof?

I don't know, I haven't tried yet.

I'm not a great swimmer, so I don't know.

But you would think, living in Ireland, I'd know by now.

VO: Well, the next stop for you two might be of interest then, Brian.

It's the Derbyshire village of Ashbourne.

300 years ago, it was one of the world's centers of clock-making.

And this unlikely place put the revolution in the Industrial Revolution.

Family firm Haycock's has been going since the 18th century, and Neil Haycock is on hand to give Brian and Margie a brief history of time.

Hi!

Can we disturb you, Neil?

NEIL: Sure.

Very nice to be here with my friend Brian.

BRIAN: Hi Neil.

How you doing mate?

Hi Brian.

Neil, how far back does clock-making go?

Well, clocks go back to sort of the ancient Greeks and Egyptians trying to measure time.

Yeah.

But in Europe, medieval times, about 1245, 1250.

MARGIE: Right.

But without mechanics, obviously.

So how was it, with the sun?

No, this is mechanical timekeeping.

And it was the invention of the verge escapement.

VO: The verge or folio escapement was the first time teeth on a wheel had been used to create regular ticks by using springs or weights.

It was the birth of mechanical clocks and an end to less accurate methods, like sand timers.

Large clocks using a verge escapement began to appear in churches across Europe.

But these tower clocks had no dials, just a mechanism to strike a bell on the hour.

Neil's got a more recent version that works on the same principle.

MARGIE: I love this.

This was made by my great-great grandfather's older brother, who had a business just down the road.

It has two components.

One side is the timekeeping side and the other side is the side that strikes on the hour.

And this thing on the front here, this is the cartwheel and this dictates what it strikes.

VO: This clock uses a later deadbeat escapement and pendulum.

The deadbeat created less recoil in the wheel's movement and therefore greater accuracy.

NEIL: This escapement is very clever in that it provides just enough impetus one way and the other to keep the pendulum running.

BRIAN: So, perfect accuracy, basically?

NEIL: Very, very good accuracy.

For its day, absolutely amazing.

Maybe a second over a week.

VO: Clockmakers realized longer pendulums meant less recoil and greater accuracy.

Hence the rise of the long case, or grandfather clock as it became known.

But these new clocks needed craftsmen to make the mechanical pieces.

And Ashbourne, with its tradition of iron and brass smiths, became a world center for clock-making.

Look at that snap!

MARGIE: So you got this talented group of craftsmen in this area.

Did they just stick to clocks, or were they moving on to do other things?

No, clockmakers were used in an array of different things, especially the early Industrial Revolution.

So it's no surprise, when you look at early cotton-spinning machinery, that the machinery bears a very close relationship NEIL: to clockmakers... BRIAN: They're clocks!

VO: In nearby Cromford, the industrial pioneer Richard Arkwright cleverly realized that the Ashbourne clockmakers' skills, in making cogs that moved at different speeds, could revolutionize his cotton-spinning factories.

BRIAN: I can't tell the difference.

Is this a clock?

Or is this something that makes cotton?

I'm not surprised you can't really tell the difference.

It's a drafting head.

It's what Arkwright used to take the place of a person sitting at home spinning cotton.

MARGIE: Ah.

NEIL: Factory system.

Mass production of cotton.

BRIAN: But basically, the clock... MARGIE: Fascinating.

..is the birth of the Industrial Revolution.

MARGIE: Ah, absolutely.

BRIAN: It really is, isn't it?

MARGIE: Moved it along.

NEIL: Clock and clockmakers.

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARGIE: Moved it along.

VO: But in helping Arkwright develop mass-production techniques, the clockmakers inadvertently helped seal their own demise.

By the late 19th century, the Germans and Americans were efficiently mass-producing clocks, while English clockmakers were still working by hand, with time-consuming machinery like this.

Time was called on the Derbyshire clockmakers, and now Haycock's are the only firm left in the town.

We've had to adapt over the years.

In two world wars, we were munitions, making ignition tubes for big guns and stuff.

There's still parts lying around the factory now.

MARGIE: I love tradition.

NEIL: Right.

How about me attempting to put a clock together?

Let's see how dexterous you are.

I've got about five minutes.

BRIAN: As long as I get to keep it.

MARGIE: Oh, not terribly dexterous.

VO: If Margie's going to make a clock, then she needs an apprentice to make some cogwheels first.

Like, you can just see it.

You can just see it's exactly perfect.

NEIL: Perfect little teeth.

BRIAN: It's like just absolutely perfect.

NEIL: Yeah.

VO: The clever clockmakers of Ashbourne truly helped create the modern world.

That's the components ready.

Now, let's see what Margie can create.

Stand by.

BRIAN: Ooh... MARGIE: Right, this...

Right.

Now, this looks easy peasy.

Right.

So you've got to put it together.

Yeah.

Just let her do it by herself and see what happens.

Oh... NEIL: This is the center pinion.

MARGIE: Mm.

This is the one that carries the hands.

MARGIE: Yeah.

NEIL: Hour hand and minute hand.

Right.

Your only clue is that one goes in the middle.

Yeah.

So does... How small is it?

VO: Should have worn your glasses, Margie.

MARGIE: Does that go in there?

NEIL: Yeah.

This is the easy bit.

MARGIE: They don't wind in?

NEIL: No.

So how do they all stay there?

Ah, here, she's winding me up!

VO: Awful, Brian.

Right.

Now comes the difficult bit.

You've got to put that on top of that.

So you've got to squeeze it with your hands, gently.

Squeeze it together.

MARGIE: Yeah.

NEIL: And hold and...

Turn it sideways.

What, try and get that to go in the hole?

NEIL: Trying to get those to go in the hole.

VO: This is just like the 19th-century Krypton Factor.

NEIL: Yeah, I'm helping.

MARGIE: It's just shaking.

BRIAN: Are we in?

MARGIE: Is that it?

No.

You've then got to turn it sideways.

MARGIE: Oh!

NEIL: You've got to get those... MARGIE: And get that in there.

NEIL: That one's in.

MARGIE: Yeah.

NEIL: Do you know what?

MARGIE: What?

NEIL: I think you've done it.

BRIAN: Hey!

(SHE CHUCKLES) MARGIE: Great!

Look at you!

NEIL: Well done.

MARGIE: I enjoyed that.

VO: Just needs some hands and a face to look like this, and you've helped keep British clockmaking alive, Margie and Brian.

Well done.

Now it's time to find out what Team Dusteroo are up to.

ROO: I've got a present for you.

KEITH: Oh, I'm very excited.

I love presents.

Donuts!

KEITH: No way!

ROO: Yeah!

And what flavors?

I've got glazed raspberry, salted caramel and apple pie.

Oh, my God.

Well, listen, I am a gentleman, so I will allow you to choose... Ooh!

..what one you want first, and then I'll have the other two.

ROO: Oh... VO: What a gent, eh?

Well, look, there's three, so you can have one now.

And when we pull over for a cup of tea later, we'll share one.

OK, one bite.

Oh, my goodness.

VO: No crumbs on the seats, please.

As they munch, they're making their way to Cromford - where, as we heard earlier, Richard Arkwright revolutionized industrial production by building the world's first water-powered cotton mill.

And that's exactly where our next shop can be found.

Isn't that lovely?

KEITH: Yes!

Here we are.

ROO: Yeah!

Right, we're nearly at the end of the day, young man.

Young man - I like the sound of that.

Young man.

VO: The Arkwright Society purchased the mills in 1979, when they were due to be demolished.

And in the 1990s, Cromford Antiques moved into one of the mill buildings.

There's over 50 cabinets in here, so what can our duo get their hands on that might spin a profit?

Silver, Exeter.

That spoon is 1783.

KEITH: Which one?

ROO: This spoon, right here.

ROO: The big one?

KEITH: Mm-hm.

So you're looking at the Georgian era there.

VO: This gorgeous Georgian silver fruit spoon has a ticket price of �65.

KEITH: I want to ask you a question.

What's to stop any antique collector or, you know, dealer saying that this is actually 1783?

But how can I be sure that this actually is?

ROO: Silver will have these hallmarks on it.

So we have a date letter, you'll have a town letter, and you'll have a maker's mark... Well, it's mad to be holding something, 1783, that's 230 years old.

But doesn't that spark your imagination?

Mm.

That's a good contender.

Yes, absolutely.

It's something completely different than... ROO: Yep.

Mm-hm.

KEITH: ..what we've already got.

VO: Yeah.

So one to file under "maybe".

Now, anything else that might delight?

This instantly caught my eye because I love bells.

It was the first thing I ever started collecting.

But it says here, "Early 20th-century bell.

"Whoever touches me will hear my voice".

VO: Well, it's getting late and I think that bell might be tolling for these two if they don't make a purchase soon.

Okey-dokey.

I've made an executive decision.

Oh, OK.

I know you don't like that, we work together and we do work together.

We do.

But it's the first thing that I've seen today that's over 240 years old.

Yeah.

And, for me, like, that's the real...

The first antique we've really found.

Mm-hm.

You know, in my, in my ignorant ways.

VO: Let's see what kind of a deal you can do with David then.

David.

Yes?

KEITH: I like this.

I'd like to... DAVID: You like it.

..purchase this from you, sir.

You would?

And I'd like to know what the best price is that you could possibly do on it.

65...

It would have to be 55, Keith, that would have to be the best.

That's a significant drop.

Could we not say 57 and a half?

VO: What?!

ROO: Ah!

DAVID: If you like!

Do you know actually, Keith... No, 55.

I'm not even going to mess you around.

DAVID: Oh... VO: The final deal of the day is done.

The fruit spoon for �55 leaves them with �237 to spend.

ROO: We are done... KEITH: Well, that was a good day.

ROO: We've only got... KEITH: Off we go!

Off we go.

Time for some rest, I think.

VO: So the Dusteroos are calling it a day, and Brian and Margie look like they're heading home, too.

BRIAN: What's next?

MARGIE: Have you been to Matlock?

Matlock in... BRIAN: Matlock?

MARGIE: Yeah, in Derbyshire.

I thought that was a TV show about a detective.

No, Matlock.

No.

Matlock.

What do they sell?

Well, that's where we're going.

They sell all sorts.

BRIAN: Well, what is Matlock?

Is that like...

It's a lovely town in Derbyshire.

BRIAN: Oh, it's a place?!

MARGIE: It's a place.

BRIAN: I thought it was a shop.

VO: I think that's... Matalan, Brian.

Ha-ha-ha!

Tomorrow might be a long day for Margie.

Nighty night.

VO: Mornin'.

It's another beautiful day on the Road Trip.

ROO: How are you finding the Buick on day two?

MARGIE: You know what?

It's the sheer width of it.

ROO: Yeah.

MARGIE: And you being in the most awful place because... Cuz I'm happily smiling along here and I'm halfway over the oncoming traffic...

I know!

If any side is going to get hit first, it's mine.

But I haven't had to shout "lane" once yet.

MARGIE: You haven't.

No.

Lane!

No, I'm only kidding.

VO: And the boys are also back on the road.

BRIAN: How'd you get on yesterday?

KEITH: You know, I actually really enjoyed it.

BRIAN: I'm telling you now, you are going to win this.

I hadn't a clue.

I went into the place, I'm walking around for an hour, couldn't find nothing.

Eventually I found this lovely hat.

And I said, "Defin... That'll definitely fetch..." I walked up to the woman.

She goes, "Sorry, that's actually my hat."

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: He-he!

Let's have a quick meet and greet, a quick look in each other's boots, and get going again.

ROO: Hello, hello.

BRIAN: Hello, ladies.

MARGIE: Good morning.

ROO: How you doing?

BRIAN: How are you?

You alright?

ROO: Good morning.

BRIAN: Oh!

ROO: You brought the sunshine.

KEITH: Hiya, girls!

ROO: Hello, how're you doing?

It's the shoppers.

Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

MARGIE: Why, thank you.

ROO: How you doing, partner?

KEITH: Hiya, darling!

BRIAN: Do you what Keith and I did last night?

ROO: What?

BRIAN: We stayed up all night last night googling antiques just to... Oh!

Did you?

Just to brush up on our skills today...

Speaking of antiques, we bought something really old, didn't we, Keith?

KEITH: We certainly did.

ROO: Really old.

Right, go on, give us a look.

MARGIE: Let's see it.

BRIAN: Give us a look.

ROO: Pop the boot.

MARGIE: Can't wait.

KEITH: A spoon!

MARGIE: A spoon.

KEITH: Not any old spoon.

A silver spoon.

Have a look at that little baby.

ROO: So we spent... MARGIE: Lovely berry spoon.

Don't be telling them what we spent... MARGIE: How much was it?

KEITH: Not telling you.

KEITH: Don't tell them anything.

ROO: No.

Well, we might buy it off you.

This is a competition... OK, tell you what, we spent a fortune.

But if you give us 100 quid for it, you can have it.

BRIAN: No, you're alright.

VO: Ha!

Keith and Roo also bought the sign, the planter and the ewer, leaving them with �237 to spend on the day ahead.

So what have you two bought, then?

Oh-ho.

What have we bought?

MARGIE: Oh.

ROO: Big talkers.

Drum roll, please.

VO: Yes.

Drum roll, please.

There you go.

We bought a drum.

If you stand it up, it'll roll down the hill.

(HE HUMS: 'March Of The Gladiators') It's matching you quite well.

BRIAN: Good, isn't it?

KEITH: Yeah, look.

He wore his shirt to match.

Look.

Prince of Wales feathers.

BRIAN: But look.

MARGIE: It's belonged to some cadets, hasn't it, in the 1950s?

68 quid.

68?

Well, OK, not bad, not bad.

What was it, though?

Did you bargain them down?

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARGIE: 99.

That was a great bit of bargaining.

It was good, wasn't it?

Now, I never asked this, and I haven't looked at our contract - can we actually purchase our own items if they don't sell at auction?

KEITH: Can we bid?

ROO: No!

MARGIE: You can't!

ROO: No!

But that's one way of winning!

VO: Or cheating!

The drum was Brian and Margie's sole purchase, leaving them with �332 to spend today.

Right, good luck.

Have a good day, folks.

Let's get out of here, quick... We might stay here and have a nice picnic by the lake.

BRIAN: Margie, let's go!

MARGIE: Let's go, let's go, We've got a lot of shopping to do.

Bye!

VO: With the pleasantries exchanged, it's time to put the pedal to the metal.

Day two is go, go, go!

BRIAN: Whoa, hey... (THEY EXCLAIM) Today, it would be nice if I could find something that actually is worth something.

Well, I'm sure we will.

I'm sure YOU will, but I would love that I pick one thing and I actually get it right.

But you still can't guarantee that it's... BRIAN: I want to impress you.

MARGIE: Oh, bless you!

VO: Aw, I think Brian might have a bit of a crush on our Margie.

Now, what are they after today?

Could do with a bit of Irish stuff in this next shop.

Maybe I should ring my mam and ask her if she has any old carriage clocks at home, send it over.

Would they go... And we buy it off her.

I mean, I don't know, is that... Are we allowed to do that?

Can I buy a clock off my mum?

(SHE CHUCKLES) No, you can't buy something off your mum!

Why?

Cuz it's not fair on your friend Keith, then.

You've got an advantage.

Sounds like a Keith problem!

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: Well, I wonder if Margie's going to have any Brian problems at their next stop in the Victorian spa resort of Matlock, home to Matlock Antiques and Collectables.

Look out.

Let's see if it works.

(HE PLAYS A MELODY) That's a good sound.

A very good sound!

VO: It's all very entertaining, but you've only bought one item.

Do you like this kind of furniture?

Is that a poker table?

Well, it's a Georgian, like, a little pedestal table, look.

Lovely splayed pedestal feet... Do you know, do you know what it'd be great for?

You could play great drinking games on it.

It's a lovely... You have a different shot.

BRIAN: And then you spin it.

MARGIE: Like for taking tea.

And wherever it lands, you have to take that shot.

That would be good, wouldn't it?

VO: This Georgian mahogany supper table was actually designed for eating and drinking.

You'd have your high tea on this and rotate the dishes and sandwiches, cakes, savories and roasts.

Ha!

Delightful.

Ticket price, a tasty �195.

Would you like a Jaffa Cake, ma'am?

MARGIE: Yeah, quite.

BRIAN: There you go, thank you.

Custard creams are coming.

Don't take them... Don't take them all!

The custard creams are on the way!

Get back here, you!

There's only two left!

No.

You could probably even play cards, couldn't you?

BRIAN: You could play spin the bottle.

Spin the bottle.

You'd all... Will you be serious?

You'd sit around and then you spin it, and then, oh, hey.

Oh, get in there, Margie!

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: See?

He's keen on her.

Calm down, Brian.

You're making her all of a fluster, but that's one potential buy.

Anything else catching the eye?

What's this?

Is this, like, matches or something?

No.

Let's have a look.

It's a nice old box.

What's that?

It's something to do with maps and it measuring maps.

It's French.

VO: This is an early-20th-century map measurer.

You'd run its little wheel over a map and the various gauges on it would work out, by scale, how far a distance was.

It's priced at �15.

Does it move if you go up my hand?

MARGIE: Yeah.

BRIAN: Ah, right, OK. Yeah, but it's a collector's item, isn't it?

Bit like us.

Yeah, and it's French, which makes it quite nice, look.

All of...

It's all written in French.

"Le mesureur instantane les distances."

No, that's not what that says.

It says...

EXAGGERATED FRENCH ACCENT: "le mesureur instant..." MARGIE: Oh!

BRIAN: "..distance-tay."

VO: C'est terrible, Brian!

Right, well done...

I think we should get that.

15 quid?

It's a bargain... MARGIE: Yeah.

VO: Yeah, OK. That's a definite.

There's a few things in here, but is anything going to catch the eye like that supper table?

You obviously think there's something special here.

Yeah, but... You just don't like the price?

MARGIE: It's not dear, that's the thing.

BRIAN: But if we want to make a profit, we have to get it down.

MARGIE: So, shall we...?

I think we should go and... MARGIE: OK. BRIAN: Let's go.

MARGIE: Go on, then.

BRIAN: Come on, let's do it.

Fortune favors the brave.

VO: But fools rush in, Margie!

Let's see how Brian fares with Judy.

I've got a dog called Judy.

Judy?

Hello, ma'am.

BRIAN: How're you doing?

JUDY: Hello there.

First of all, I'd like to buy this.

And I would also like to buy the table inside, that has the scallops, is that right?

BRIAN: The scallop table?

MARGIE: Yeah.

And I would like to offer you �140.

JUDY: That's a beautiful table.

We'll need to have a look how much it is.

The table inside was 195.

But it's a bit wonky.

A bit wonky?

It's a little bit wobbly.

Right.

Now, I'd be willing to pay full price if it wasn't wobbly, but we had to get an old beer mat and stick it under to stop it wobbling.

VO: Nice try, Brian.

We'll go and look at the table, I think...

Right.

Let's have a look.

Shall we leave the money there?

Are you mad?

I'm Irish - give me that money.

VO: Ha-ha!

The table belongs to another dealer, but Judy's been permitted to haggle on their behalf.

BRIAN: This little baby here.

Look, see?

It's a bit wobbly, though, look.

JUDY: Oh, wow!

BRIAN: See?

(MARGIE CHUCKLES) Like, if I put my pint of Guinness on that... JUDY: Yeah, yeah.

BRIAN: ..it's going everywhere.

MARGIE: Look, that's the price.

JUDY: Absolute death would be, say, 170?

MARGIE: Mm.

Mm.

BRIAN: Oof.

That might be staying here a lot longer, this time.

MARGIE: Yeah.

JUDY: What about... MARGIE: Yeah.

JUDY: ..the table, plus... MARGIE: Yeah.

JUDY: ..the other for 170?

MARGIE: Yeah.

BRIAN: What about 160?

Just because we're so nice.

165, because I'm so nice.

MARGIE: Shall we go for that?

JUDY: Oh, come on.

BRIAN: You have a deal.

BRIAN: 165.

JUDY: You're welcome.

JUDY: You're welcome.

BRIAN: Nice working with you.

VO: Well done, Brian.

The map measurer for �15 and 45 knocked off the table, to bring it down to 150, isn't too bad at all.

That leaves them with �167.

BRIAN: I'm pretty happy with that.

That was a good result.

VO: Roo and Keith, meanwhile, are on their way to the Black Rocks Country Park, just on the edge of the beautiful Peak District.

They've come to find out the history behind an organization that helped thousands of people who got into trouble on the hills.

And it couldn't operate without volunteers, like IT consultant David O'Sullivan.

KEITH: You must be David.

DAVID: Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Keith.

DAVID: Hi.

ROO: Hi, I'm Roo.

ROO: Lovely to meet you.

DAVID: Hiya.

VO: David is with Derby Mountain Rescue, one of the seven teams who operate in the Peak District, out of a total of 74 teams across the UK.

Staffed entirely by outdoor enthusiasts, who could be called upon at any time to hit the hills.

KEITH: I can imagine, you know, you don't want anybody to get injured, but when you get a call out, it must be exciting.

Yeah, there's that split second where you go from just being at work, doing something quite mundane, to the adrenalin kicks in and suddenly you're off to help someone.

It might just be someone at the bottom, who's hurt an ankle, but it could've been a climber that's fallen from the top and is, you know, got serious injuries.

So you could end up kind of abseiling down rocks like that.

You could end up in rushing waters.

You could end up anywhere, trying to help someone.

Yeah.

Er... And you volunteer to do that?

ROO: You go from your day job to saving lives, that's impressive.

Er, well, I think everyone in Mountain Rescue does it for, you know, you never know when it's going to be you that falls over.

So it's always good to be able to help other people.

VO: Hill walking as a leisure pursuit began in the 19th century.

But back then, if you got in trouble, you had to just hope a friendly farmer might pass to help you out.

Basic first aid and rescue equipment began to appear in the early 20th century, and a loose jigsaw of mountain rescue services existed after World War II.

But it was an incident in 1964 that prompted the formation of the Peak District Mountain Rescue Team, when three Scouts went missing in heavy snow.

DAVID: Hundreds of people went out looking.

They found all of them.

Unfortunately, they all died.

That obviously kick-started the clear need for some kind of organized mountain rescue.

And now, from that, today, we do water rescue, we do advanced first aid, search and rescue for missing persons for the police.

Yeah, we've pretty much got a broad stroke of everything we do... And all of that was kind of brought on in 1964 by the unfortunate loss of three lives?

Yeah.

VO: The volunteers today undergo a year and a half of training and are regularly retested on their skills.

And today, they're going to practice finding someone.

They just need a lost hiker.

KEITH: Did you ever play hide and go seek as a kid?

ROO: Oh, yes, I was very good at it.

Right, I'll count to 10, you get lost.

Close your eyes.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, KEITH: eight, nine, 10... ROO: I'll beat you!

KEITH: Pub?

DAVID: Yeah.

VO: There'll be none of that today, thank you.

While Roo goes off and hides in her Day-Glo, the Mountain Rescue team are organizing to carry out a search for her.

So what we're going to be doing, guys, is we've got a missing person today, for an exercise.

It's the lovely Roo, she's hiding up in the woods there.

And we're going to see if we can find her.

We're going to have a team line search out to one side.

And the Mountain Rescue Search Dog England, Flo, it's going to search the other side, and we're going to see who finds her first.

VO: The line search team will stay a few meters apart, as they head into the woodland to sweep the area.

Meanwhile, Keith and David are off with Flo to see if they can pick up Roo's scent.

Chanel No 5, possibly.

KEITH: So how long does it actually take to train a Mountain Rescue dog to do its job?

DAVID: So, it can be up to two years, obviously depends on the dog.

All of the Mountain Rescue Search Dog England dogs go through the same training.

They work on air scenting, so what she'll be doing is looking for a human scent out in the woods here.

It's a big game, for her.

She's looking for that person.

When she finds it, she gets her favorite toy.

And that's why Bart here has to see what she's doing, make sure she's working properly, make sure she's looking, finding, finding that person.

VO: Mountain Rescue dogs were first used in continental Europe some 400 years ago.

Here in the UK, their ability for use in search and rescue wasn't fully exploited until the 1960s.

Our Flo was trained by one of nine affiliated search dog associations that now exist in the British Isles.

The dogs are a vital resource as they can cover an area that would take 10 humans to cover.

KEITH: So, how will we know if or when Flo finds somebody?

DAVID: So, she'll come back having found something and she'll indicate to Bart.

KEITH: OK. She'll do a bark, either a little one or a loud one, to let him know that she's found something.

Hello!

BART: Good girl, what have you got?

So that means she's found something, now she's coming back?

(FLO BARKS) BART: Good girl!

VO: Could it be a lost antiques expert, perchance...?

ROO: Good girl, Flo!

Thank you!

(FLO BARKS) How's this for a rescue team?

KEITH: We still found you.

BART: You found Roo!

(FLO BARKS) BART: Oh, what a good dog.

Good girl!

Hello.

BART: What a good dog!

ROO: Very good.

DAVID: And the end reward for Flo is she gets to play with her favorite toy.

ROO: Good girl.

VO: Now they've found Roo, they need to get her off the hill.

She's still got antiques to buy.

Basically, I was walking, I tripped over, I twisted my ankle.

It's really sore.

Yeah.

Can see that.

MAN: Yeah.

ROO: Ah!

Oh... MAN: Push up.

Oh, you've got full effect!

Roo, you do remember that this is just an exercise that we're doing?

You're not actually injured.

You do know that, don't you, right?

DAVID: Keith, are you going to help me and the guys carry the stretcher down?

No, I think I'll leave that to the professionals.

Don't want to break a sweat, man, you know what I mean?

My make-up, for God's sake.

VO: Aw, Keith!

The art of chivalry is alive and well.

KEITH: Jesus, Roo, what did you have for dinner last night?

(ROO CHUCKLES) KEITH: The weight of you!

ROO: A lady never tells!

VO: So, with Roo safely rescued, how are Brian and Margie getting on?

I'm nervous now, you know?

Because we've... Now we've put our money where our mouth is.

MARGIE: Yeah.

BRIAN: We've taken a gamble, we've taken a risk.

So I'm a little nervous now.

Well, wait till you're sitting at the auction, you'll be even more nervous.

Oh, don't.

I'm not going.

Ah, well, you can sit in the car, in the car park.

Yeah.

You can just wave out the window with the hand signals.

Thumbs up, thumbs down.

MARGIE: Thumbs down!

Like the execution, isn't it?

BRIAN: Yeah!

Whoa...!

Well, you've got to have a sense of humor.

Yay!

VO: Brian and Margie are now en route to Hartington.

The town was once a big cheese in the world of cheese - ha!

- at one time producing 25% of the world's output of Stilton.

Team M-Coop have come to Dauphin Antiques with �167 left to spend.

MARGIE: Here we are!

BRIAN: Lovely.

MARGIE: Looks very smart.

BRIAN: It does.

Wow!

MARGIE: Right, in we come.

BRIAN: Let's go.

VO: Now, what can they see in here that might be worth a punt?

That's Irish for pound.

BRIAN: Margie?

MARGIE: Oh, sorry.

Did you find anything?

You're so far away, Margie!

VO: Hey, didn't we do the same gag yesterday?

What have you got there?

Opera glasses - oh, those are alright.

BRIAN: Are they good?

MARGIE: Yeah, 15 quid.

That's mother-of-pearl.

Oh, I didn't know.

Did I find something good?

Well done!

The theaters... BRIAN: Yeah.

..back in the day, were very small.

Yeah.

Then they started to get large.

In the Victorian time they got bigger... BRIAN: Yeah, yeah.

MARGIE: ..and bigger.

So people needed to be able to just have a little close up... Of course, yeah.

..and then they'd go like that.

"Hey!

She shouldn't be with him."

(THEY CHUCKLE) Could they be worth something?

Well, they're worth more than 15 quid.

BRIAN: Really?

MARGIE: Yeah.

Look at me, finding...

I was only having a joke.

Well done.

We'll keep those to hand.

BRIAN: Here, I'll hold onto them.

MARGIE: You hold onto them.

Don't drop them.

When we separate, we seem to come back with magic.

I'm going this way.

(SHE CHUCKLES) VO: I know that laugh.

Well, that was a quick start.

Now, what are the antiques detectives up to?

They've traveled to Bakewell.

Yes home of the famous tart, and also to Rutland Arms Antiques Centre.

Now, Keith, this is our last chance saloon.

Why're you're saying that like we're in trouble?

Four items bought already, we're laughing!

We're nearly there.

VO: Sounding confident there, Keith.

This pair have �237 left in their budget.

"Early 19th century Offerman brass brassiere, "with magnificent ax-head handles."

But what's a brassiere?

VO: Hey!

It's a brazier, Keith, for burning coal in.

Well, the only brassiere I know, you'd need a couple of them.

And if I don't know what it's for, we're not buying it.

ROO: Tell 'em.

VO: Probably wise.

The clock is starting to tick for this pair and time to get a wriggle on.

Keith... what are you doing?

I'm running around like a headless chicken, trying to find us something, and you're just chilling, stroking your beard, contemplating poetry.

Chill.

I have found the perfect thing.

Really?

Yes.

I'm sitting on it.

This chair!

Really?

Ah, yeah... ROO: Now, that is... KEITH: That's, that is cool... ROO: ..beautiful!

KEITH: Sit down there.

ROO: That is gorgeous!

KEITH: Sit down there.

Now, do you know how...?

Sit down there, cross your legs.

Oh, my goodness.

Now, I mean, come on.

Do you know what it's the equivalent of?

Sitting in butter.

You just melt... Oh, well, I've never tried that.

VO: I tried it once.

The stains were murder to get out of my trousers.

This leather and oak armchair is Georgian and is priced at �165.

Look... Look at the corrosion on those rivets.

They would've been brass rivets.

That is wear that you cannot fake.

You'll get a lot of reproductions.

But do you know what?

Some of them are missing.

Some of them are just corroded.

You've got... KEITH: I love... ROO: ..dents here and there.

I love that my hands are filthy after picking it up, too.

It's ancient.

It's an antique.

It's what I'm here for!

It is.

It's to buy an antique and sell an antique!

I love this.

I think it's cool.

Let's see what we can do on the price, that's got to come down a bit.

KEITH: Call in the boss, there... ROO: Well done, you!

KEITH: ..and we'll negotiate.

VO: Oh, yeah?

The boss is Nathan.

Keith has fallen in love with this beautiful chair.

OK, yeah.

You've got it priced up at 165.

DEALER: Right.

KEITH: We've only got 60 quid.

We've had a lot of interest in that chair and so we know that the very best price would be 140.

Is there any room for moving on that?

Unfortunately, no.

As I say, we've been asked several times already, and that's the lowest that we can go on it, yeah.

Well, I think we are going to stretch to 140, Nathan.

Really?

The man has spoken.

VO: So, �25 knocked off the armchair to bring it in at 140.

That's the Dusteroos done for the day.

VO: Back in Hartington, have Margie and Brian spotted anything else interesting yet?

Margie, I've found something amazing.

It's medieval Tinder.

Left.

No.

left.

She's alright.

Yeah, she's alright.

Left.

Left.

We'll wait and see what happens.

Might take 5,000 years, but you never know.

Oh... VO: In my day, tinder was what you used to get the fire going.

I suppose it, sort of, still is.

Anyway, back to the antiques.

MARGIE: Do you like that?

BRIAN: What is it?

It's a little pincushion.

A little silver, it's an Edwardian one.

What, like you stick pins in it... VO: Yeah, that's why it's called a pincushion, Brian!

Ha-ha!

These animal pincushions are highly collectable, though piggies do tend to be fairly common.

There's no ticket price, so it must be free.

How much would you sell that for?

No way... MARGIE: 50 to... BRIAN: That much?

That much?!

No, it'd probably go for �60, �70... OK. ..probably.

BRIAN: You don't think we would lose on that?

MARGIE: It's very hard to be precise in this business.

Mm.

Cuz we don't know who's going to be there tomorrow, do we?

We better see how much we can get it for first.

VO: Time to speak to the lovely Jan. MARGIE: So, how much is it, Jan?

JAN: 80.

MARGIE: Right.

Hm.

(BRIAN INHALES SHARPLY) BRIAN: Ooh, easy, easy, easy... MARGIE: Yeah.

BRIAN: Margie's getting excited.

MARGIE: Cuz, you know, it's a lovely little thing.

But you know the silver market is all over and the piggies are the most common of the pincushions.

BRIAN: Hm.

Would you do it for 50?

Go on.

Get in there!

Yes, give us a hug, girl.

BRIAN: Boom!

MARGIE: Thanks, Jan. VO: Are you forgetting something?

And we're also going to take... (THEY CHUCKLE) We'd like to take them, as well, please... OK, that is fine.

VO: So, that was the pincushion for �50 and the opera glasses for 15, making a grand total of �65.

65.

VO: And that also means all the shopping for this road trip is over.

VO: Time for a bit of reflection.

ROO: So, we are officially done.

KEITH: I know.

What a roller-coaster couple of days we've had, eh?

ROO: I know.

Have you...

It's like I've known you all my life.

I know, it is.

You know, it's like I've known you hundreds of years.

There you go.

I've enjoyed myself.

You have educated me.

You're a very wise woman in your trade.

Thank you, young man.

Erm...

But the part of this trip which I will enjoy the most will be when we make that profit much more than Marge and Brian... Oh!

..and I have the bragging rights for the next six months.

ROO: Oh, I'd say six years at least!

VO: Let's call it 66 shall we?

Nighty night.

VO: It's rather a soggy auction day, but spirits are high.

What have Brian and Keith learned over the last few days?

BRIAN: So do you think you know anything more about antiques than you did before you started?

Er, well, I know they have to be 100 years old before you can call them an antique.

BRIAN: Do they?

KEITH: Yeah.

BRIAN: I didn't even know that.

KEITH: Yeah, yeah.

VO: Oh, dear.

Where did I go wrong?

KEITH: But the reality is, we haven't got a clue.

BRIAN: No.

KEITH: We really don't have any clue until we're sitting in that auction, "Have we any bids?"

"None."

Well, may the best man win.

BRIAN: Good luck, buddy.

KEITH: God bless you.

VO: Well, today's auction is in God's own county - Sheffield, South Yorkshire, to be precise.

VO: And our auctioneers are the Sheffield Auction Gallery, who've been in the business since 1840.

Nice.

Here they come!

I recognize the rumble of the engine.

They're looking very excited, actually.

Hello!

ROO: Hello, chaps!

How are you doing?

MARGIE: Ah!

KEITH: Ladies!

BRIAN: Hey.

Hey, ladies.

ROO: Hey, guys.

How're you doing?

MARGIE: Hi!

BRIAN: How are you, partner?

VO: Yes, yes.

Kisses, pats, presses, touches.

VO: "Off you go."

"No, after you."

"No, after you."

Let's get inside, shall we, and get on with it?

Duster, ready?

# My lovely horse was running through the field.

# (THEY CHUCKLE) VO: Enough of this horsing around.

Brian and Margie spent �298 on five items, including the opera glasses.

I'm jealous of this.

These are the opera glasses they bought for �15.

KEITH: Wow!

ROO: Mother-of-pearl... Now, I don't know anything about antiques, but that looks like a bargain at 15 quid... Keith, they're beautiful.

I think... 45 to 60.

Easy profit.

KEITH: For 15 quid.

ROO: I know.

Come on.

VO: Keith and Roo spent exactly a fiver more, �303, also on five lots.

What will Brian and Margie make of their purchases?

MARGIE: Oh, I... Oh, that's nice.

Oh.

That is nice.

Yeah.

Lovely old oak chair.

BRIAN: Can I sit in it?

Yeah, I quite like it, studded... Comfy.

I do like the studs in it... MARGIE: ..joined stretches.

Yeah.

BRIAN: The studs are cool.

It's a bit bad condition, though...

Sorry, Brian, what did you say?

You like the studs in it?

(THEY CHUCKLE) BRIAN: It's missing a few studs.

MARGIE: Go away.

That's got to devalue it a little bit, hasn't it?

It's got quite a bit of age to it.

It is nice.

Yeah.

We'll give them a bit of credit for that one.

MARGIE: Yeah, we'll definitely... Good eye on that one, Duffy.

BRIAN: Well done.

MARGIE: Credit for that.

Bless them.

VO: Today's auctioneer is John Morgan.

What does he think will sing today and what might hit a bum note?

Ha-ha!

JOHN: Sweet little item, that silver pig.

Highly collectable, solid silver, a pincushion.

Fills lots of boxes for lots of collectors.

I expect that small item to bring one of the biggest prices today.

The wooden arrow.

It's wooden.

It's 120cm long.

It's painted.

There's not much more I think I can say about it.

I think we're going to have to find a way to help that one on its way.

VO: With everyone primed in the room, on the phones and online, let's get this auction started.

ROO: Ooh!

KEITH: Hey, hey, hey!

ROO: Auction day.

So, how are you boys feeling?

This is it, you've done your shopping now.

BRIAN: Very confident.

VO: First off the blocks is Keith and Roo's fruit spoon.

Can it make some jam for them?

And I will start, where do you think?

BRIAN: Fiver.

JOHN: 15.

�15.

BRIAN: Too high.

ROO: No... 18 elsewhere?

�15 on commission.

I'm bid 18 and 20 and 22, sir.

Thank you, I have �22 in the room now.

There's your mate over there, look.

It's at �22 on my left, are we all done?

Come on, it's got to go for more than that.

At 22 bid.

25.

28, sir?

No.

At �25 on the internet... Told you... Oh, we've lost our arse in this one... �25, I sell.

(BRIAN CHUCKLES) Stop it!

That's not fair... Oh, gee!

VO: That's a tough start for the Dusteroos.

Don't look at me like that.

Someone got a bargain.

VO: Roll up, roll up, it's Brian's drum.

Anybody want to have a go at 20?

20, anywhere?

ROO: 10.

JOHN: Anyone have a go at �20?

10?

KEITH: Take a tenner.

10 at the back.

12, sir?

15?

JOHN: 18... KEITH: Ooh!

20.

No, 18.

20, sir?

Go on.

Thank you.

22?

No.

At �20 at the front row... MARGIE: Oh, no.

JOHN: Any more for any more?

At 22, someone else.

25?

No.

At �22 to the man in the cap, are we all done?

MARGIE: Oh, you're joking.

MARGIE: That's ridiculous.

BRIAN: You and your drum.

VO: Ba-boom!

That's not a great start either.

Well, that's a disappointment.

That is, that is a shame.

VO: Next, for Keith and Roo, it's the copper ewer.

�5 starting.

Eight anywhere else?

ROO: No!

JOHN: Eight over here.

10 anywhere else?

10, thank you.

12?

15.

18, 20?

No.

20 on the internet.

Thank you.

22, thank you.

I've �22... BRIAN: Ooh!

JOHN: ..in the room now.

Looking on 25 elsewhere.

25 and 28, sir?

Ooh!

No.

At 25 on the internet, are we all done?

It's sold.

ROO: Aw!

KEITH: I mean... JOHN: �25, thank you... KEITH: We lost another 15 quid.

VO: Never mind, Keith.

There's a way to go yet.

Well, we've played the game.

We spent our money.

VO: Now, can Brian and Margie's French map-measurer do any better?

�5 bid.

I've got �5 bid already.

Yeah!

Looking for eight elsewhere.

At eight?

Thank you.

10, thank you sir.

12?

JOHN: Thank you.

12 and 15?

ROO: There you go... Oh.

�12 for the lady, 15 anywhere else?

I have �12 for the lady, are we all done?

At �12 to the lady, be sure.

It's sold.

�12, well done.

MARGIE: Oh... KEITH: Wasn't a bad loss.

VO: Ce n'est pas un profit!

Yeah, but it's an interesting item.

Clearly not.

VO: OK, time for Keith and Roo's planter.

Can it grow a profit?

12, I've �12.

15?

Thank you.

18?

And 20.

And 22.

22 and 25.

JOHN: And 28?

ROO: Yup.

Yes... At �25 in the middle of the room... Go on, one more.

I will be selling.

And I do.

ROO: Aw!

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: Another loss for Keith and Roo, I'm afraid.

25 quid for a bin.

VO: Can Margie and Brian's table do any better?

I start at 55.

60... ROO: That's good.

JOHN: Looking at 65 elsewhere.

At �60 on commission.

Does anybody else want to take these commissions on?

MARGIE: Come on!

JOHN: 65, thank you.

And 70 with me.

And 75?

No.

Are you sure?

Don't lose it for a bid.

Are you definitely sure?

No?

Is everyone else sure?

I sell at �70.

Such a shame.

It's a wonder but there it is.

There you go.

VO: It's another loss.

This is not going too well.

Oh, that's disappointing, but... ROO: Aw... BRIAN: It's a shame, isn't it?

MARGIE: Never mind.

ROO: Never mind.

VO: OK, the chair.

Maybe this is going to be the one to buck the trend.

KEITH: Oh, look at that!

ROO: That's lovely.

KEITH: 200 years old!

(BRIAN WOLF WHISTLES) 25.

28.

30.

Looking at 35, elsewhere.

ROO: It's worth a lot more.

JOHN: At �30 on commission, are we all done?

At �30 on commission.

At �30.

35, thank you, sir.

I'm out.

40, elsewhere It's a nice chair, that.

MARGIE: It's ridiculous.

ROO: It's a beautiful chair.

At 35.

40, thank you.

And five, sir?

No.

At �40 in the room.

ROO: Keith sat in it!

JOHN: Any more for any more?

I will sell at 40.

Be sure.

(BRIAN SNIGGERS) MARGIE: Stop it.

KEITH: Down 100.

MARGIE: Aw.

VO: I think...

I think I need a seat after that.

That's a disaster.

That's painful.

To think, we've lost a hundred quid on one item.

VO: Next... it's Brian's find, the opera glasses.

Can they get their first profit?

We have a commission.

Here we go.

I go 15, 18, 20.

Looking on 22, elsewhere.

�20 on a maiden commission, are we all done?

JOHN: At �20 on a maiden commission.

MARGIE: Oh, come on.

JOHN: Anybody else want a go?

22, I'm out.

The internet says 22 now.

Looking on 25 elsewhere.

At �22 on the internet... MARGIE: Come on.

JOHN: Make no mistake, I sell at 22, be sure.

You are, they're sold.

Do you know?

That's... BRIAN: We made a profit.

KEITH: Seven quid.

VO: It might only be seven quid, but it's your first profit of the day.

A profit's a profit.

VO: It's Keith and Roo's final item.

Can it make them a profit?

ROO: �30.

KEITH: It's up there now, look.

JOHN: One of the highlights... ROO: It's nice.

..of the sale.

ROO: It's lovely!

JOHN: �2.

KEITH: You're joking!

ROO: Oh, no.

�2.

Five.

Eight.

10.

ROO: Come on!

JOHN: 12.

15.

18.

20.

22.

25.

JOHN: 28.

ROO: Yes.

JOHN: Five?

40.

ROO: Yes.

Keep going... JOHN: 40.

MARGIE: There you go!

JOHN: Five?

No... ROO: 50.

JOHN: �40, to my wife.

ROO: Go on, 45.

Can you believe it?

45, thank you.

ROO: Yes!

Good man.

JOHN: 50?

No.

�45.

There's �45 to the gentleman.

What a miracle.

JOHN: It's sold.

Well done.

KEITH: Yeah!

There you go!

Ye of little faith... How much did you...?

VO: At last, a profit for the Dusteroos!

Well done.

VO: Finally, Brian and Margie's pincushion.

JOHN: There it is.

You don't see that every day.

A lot of interest in this one.

40, 45, 50.

Looking at 55, elsewhere.

55 and 60.

Five...

When you combine silver and a pincushion... ..70 and five, and 80 and five.

I'm out.

It's �85 in the back of the room, are we all done?

At �85, any more for any more?

JOHN: Be sure.

BRIAN: Be very sure!

(GAVEL) JOHN: You are.

�85.

Get in there, you little beauty!

BRIAN: Woohoo!

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: The pig has brought home the bacon.

Another profit for Brian and Margie.

Come on, let's go and have a chat.

Come on.

Let's go and... Let's go find out.

VO: Yes, let's crunch the numbers and see who has triumphed today.

Keith and Roo started out with �400.

And after auction costs and fees, made a loss of �171.80, leaving them with �228.20.

VO: Brian and Margie also made a loss after fees, of �124.98, leaving them with a total of �275.02 in their piggy.

There was less than 50 quid in it, but they are the battle of the boy band winners.

Well, guys, we won, but... Technically, we lost the least.

Yeah.

MARGIE: Well done, everybody.

ROO: Smallest loser.

KEITH: Well done.

Well done.

Well done, Brian... Ah!

Well done, honey.

ROO: We're still proud.

MARGIE: Happy singing.

Right, girls, look, it's been a great couple of days, but... MARGIE: Off you go.

ROO: Thank you, guys.

..we've got to go back to our real jobs now.

Back to your real jobs.

ROO: Bye bye.

KEITH: Thank you for everything.

See you, girls.

If you need any backing singers, me and Margie are available.

Yeah!

Yeah, we're good, aren't we?

Now, this is more us.

They were very sweet.

They were very well-mannered, I thought.

They are, actually.

Quite gentlemanly.

They were very charming.

See you.

Wouldn't want to be you!

(THEY CHUCKLE) Mwah!

VO: The heat at the auction's over.

What did the boys think?

Well, Brian, I have to say congratulations.

Thank you very much.

I thought we were going to do better than that.

BRIAN: It's... KEITH: I know.

It was harder than I thought.

It was a tough one.

At the end of the day, you're the winner.

The history books will only remember you, they won't remember me.

Well, we've had a couple of great days.

But I tell you what, after that experience, I reckon we should go to an antique shop.

You're having a laugh.

I'm going straight to the pub for a pint.

BRIAN: I'm with you, brother.

I'm with you.

VO: Yeah.

Cheers and bye bye.

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