Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

[MUSIC PLAYING] NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities.

We are special the, are we?

Oh, that's excellent.

NARRATOR: Paired up with an expert.

We're a very good team, you and me.

NARRATOR: And a classic car.

Their mission to scour Britain for antiques.

I have no idea what it is.

Oh, I love it.

NARRATOR: The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auctions.

Yes.

NARRATOR: But it's no easy ride.

Oh.

There's no accounting for taste.

NARRATOR: Who will find a hidden gem?

Who will take the biggest risks?

Well, anybody follow expert advice.

- Do you like it?

- No.

No.

NARRATOR: That will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

- Are you happy?

- Yes.

Ecstatic.

NARRATOR: Time to put your pedal to the metal.

This is "Celebrity Antiques Road Trip."

[MUSIC PLAYING] Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING] On this "Celebrity Antiques Road Trip," we'll be having a chuckle with two venerable legends of comedy, Bernard Cribbins and Barry Cryer.

BERNARD CRIBBINS: When they asked me about this, and they said, who would you like to do it within?

I thought of a few people and 34 people turned me down-- Yeah.

--and then, I rang you.

BARRY CRYER: Yeah.

I knew I wasn't first.

NARRATOR: You jest, Bernard.

These two go way back.

BERNARD CRIBBINS: Someone asked me how long we'd known each other.

And it was 1962, wasn't it?

BARRY CRYER: Yes.

Over 50 years.

It'll be-- It'll be?

--extremely cordial competition.

Cordial and hopefully amusing.

NARRATOR: Glad to hear it.

Oh, another lane.

That was a swallow that just went over there then.

- Was it?

- Yeah.

It's a swallow.

Oh, you're a bit of an ornithologist as well, aren't you?

And birds.

Yeah, and birds.

[MUSIC PLAYING] NARRATOR: In his nearly 70 years in the biz, Bernard Cribbins has earned his stripes as a true national treasure of acting and comedy, delighting audiences in everything from his early stage work to modern day "Doctor Who."

And of course, he was the voice of beloved '70s kids TV treat, "The Wombles."

Oh, who's that?

BERNARD CRIBBINS: Thank you, ladies.

Thank you.

I thought we'd pulled them, Barry.

Reverse, reverse.

NARRATOR: Gentlemen.

Barry Cryer is a towering titan of British comedy.

As a writer and performer, he's worked with every great legend of laughter from the late '50s onwards, and has written gags for everyone from Bob Hope to Morecambe and Wise.

And he spent a full for fun-packed decades on the panel of Radio 4 chuckle fest.

I'm sorry, I haven't a clue.

This fine and fragrant morn, we're driving a classy 1984 Mercedes 280 SL.

What do you reckon to the car, Barry?

Very smart.

Used to say about David Frost, he had an open top car.

As soon as it started raining, he pressed the button on the dashboard, and it stopped raining.

[LAUGHING] I like it.

I like it.

NARRATOR: Guiding these two greats on their voyage of antique discovery, we'll be too strapping young auctioneers at the top of their game, Charles Hanson and Will Axon.

Our meeting's heartfelt today.

It's going to be good.

The sun is out, the roof is down.

Yes.

Yeah.

The socks are pulled out.

Good, man.

NARRATOR: Charles and Will are piloting a charming little 1963 Morris Minor Convertible.

CHARLES HANSON: Obviously, our two big men today are big names aren't they?

They are big names.

I mean, when I heard I was working with you, the word legend popped into my mind.

Get out of here.

When you talk about Barry Cryer and the Cribbins as well.

CHARLES HANSON: And they are legends, aren't they?

WILL AXON: They are.

NARRATOR: With 400 pounds to spend each, our pairs will journey from sunny St. Albans in Hertfordshire and circumnavigate the Bosque byways around our nation's capital, aiming for auction in the well-heeled London area of Twickenham.

[MUSIC PLAYING] It's almost time for celebrities to greet experts.

BARRY CRYER: I should have brought my binoculars.

I didn't know you had.

And scan the horizon for an expert.

NARRATOR: And here they are.

I'm twitching.

I get nervous.

It's a pretty much wobble.

But about what?

Meeting these legends.

NARRATOR: Don't play your cool before we've even started, Carlos.

I think I hear the dulcet tones.

They're here, they're here, they're here.

Heads up.

Salute.

Hello, there.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Stand easy.

Hold it.

Good morning.

Yeah, I'll go the right.

Two sugars in mind, please.

Good morning, sir.

Hello.

The name's Hanson, Charles Hanson.

- How'd you do?

- Good to see.

- I'm Bernard.

- Good to see you, Bernard.

Is it Bernard or Mr. Cribbins?

No, Bernard please.

My pleasure.

Oh, hey, you, there's money involved.

Barry, I'm Will anyway.

Good morning, Will.

I'm Barry.

Hello.

Hello.

NARRATOR: They've already agreed that Bernard will pair with Charles and Barry with Will.

All the best.

Yeah.

Again.

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: And they're off.

Both teams are heading to the same shop in St. Albans to kick off their buying.

Excuse me?

What is this?

It's this way, Charles.

NARRATOR: Where on Earth are you going, Charles, honestly?

So here we go off to our first shop.

I know.

It is a learning curve.

This should be fascinating.

NARRATOR: Barry doesn't drive, so Will will be chauffeuring him.

From a very placid, un-nervous passenger.

So you won't have any aggravation.

Oh my god!

Oh, look out!

It's a-- Hedgehog!

NARRATOR: Hey, road safety is no joshing matter on the road trip, chaps.

Meanwhile, on the scenic route, Charles is coming out as something of a fan.

To me, you are a very precious and priceless gentleman.

Oh, dear, really?

Yes.

That was my childhood summed up a one ball.

I actually-- You made my childhood.

NARRATOR: Oh, don't gas, Charles, you'll embarrass the man.

But they're still in search of their bearings.

Now, around here is a shop hopefully.

So eyes peeled, try the next turning.

I don't know why.

Hey, that's our shop, you know?

This will do me.

It looks busy enough and I think.

You know what?

I think we've beaten the other ones here, Barry?

Here we go.

Get in.

Yeah, get in.

Get in.

So, maybe, if I lock the door, we won't let them in?

Oh, boy.

Goes on, doesn't it?

NARRATOR: Time for a good old fashioned brass, boys.

You've always got to remember to look up.

Yes, that's true.

I'm not really into Picasso.

Nothing personal, Pablo.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: What sort of loot does Barry fancy picking up today?

At my age now, it'd be lovely to see something that I go, oh, memories.

Yeah.

Well, that is perfect.

You can relate to it.

And in a shop like this, it's likely to happen because there's so much.

NARRATOR: And has Barry already spotted something that might get the synapses firing?

This is-- Brain.

So now, we're down to a brain.

Snail, dogfish, frog, pigeon, rat.

Oh, that's a must, he said, as in not.

Slightly macabre.

NARRATOR: Yeah, plus the sick bag.

Elsewhere in the shop, there's something rather more jolly.

Oh, look at that.

What is that?

I'll tell you what that is Barry.

What is it?

That is the Rolls Royce of deckchair.

I just thought deckchair, but it's deckchair plus.

Would you like to be beside the seaside?

Vintage deckchair.

Oh!

Oh, yes.

Try it.

Oh, hang on.

Oh, I think it's got built in suspension.

Yeah, you got in it and it goes boom and this comes up.

Shall I try it?

Yeah, give it a test drive.

Oh, oh, oh, careful, Barry.

Oh.

It's a one off.

It's got an individual quality about it.

And you know what?

It's not very dear as well.

On the ticket, they've had 58, crossed out 48.

So they're going down in tennis.

I think if we could get that for say 20, 25.

Yes, yeah.

NARRATOR: They're keen on it.

So best ask dealer George what he can do.

I think that's George over there.

He's George.

George?

Hello, Will.

You've met my friend?

I have indeed.

Brad Pitt on a bad day.

Oh, I feel like a bit of a gooseberry.

We've spotted an item, which would like to talk to you about.

I would like to offer you 20 pounds for the deckchair.

Oh, Will.

Oh, dear.

Moment of-- should have some dramatic music now?

[BABBLING] It has been here for a while.

I do grant you that.

Yeah.

But I do think that 30 would be a really good deal.

30 pounds.

Do we meet in the middle?

Is that how the old trick goes?

Do we meet in the middle of 25 pounds?

25, George.

Go on, George.

I'll do 25.

- Yeah.

- Oh.

[LAUGHTER] Oh.

OK, done.

That's 25 pounds have ever had.

Perfect.

NARRATOR: Barry is proving to be something of a charmer.

And that pair have their first buy for a bargain 25 pounds.

Now, Bernard and Charles seem to have finally caught up.

Come along now, chaps.

I think they're in there, you know.

You reckon.

I think they're in there.

Does that mean they've snatched up all the good stuff?

Where are they?

NARRATOR: Now, I wonder how Bernard will fare in the vintage and retro shop.

It's what you call shabby chic, do you like it?

No.

No.

If I said to you what style is that, what would you say?

Jacobian?

Yeah, absolutely.

But done last week.

Absolutely.

NARRATOR: You've been hiding your light under a bushel rather, Bernard.

I think you're on fire.

I'm on fire.

You're on fire.

Well, for god's sake, put me out.

It's getting warmer here.

They're reproductions.

Their name.

No.

They wouldn't fit you.

Don't look at them.

NARRATOR: But soon, they're reflecting on something that might be a contender.

That's quite nice.

It is.

Yeah.

- It's nice.

It's nice.

Yeah.

That is good.

Why is that appeal to you?

Well, it's got theater on it, which is where I come from.

NARRATOR: It's a decorative mirror in the Edwardian Art Nouveau style.

I love the most is very organic and florid Art Nouveau borders.

I like that.

It's quite pretty.

You couldn't comb your hair in it, mind you?

What would you pay for it in a cell room?

60 pounds.

Yeah, I would say it's worth between 40 and 60.

Right.

So if it's below that.

Have a look.

- Have a guess.

- Go on.

Look at me.

38.

Have a guess.

Oh my god, 28.

- Buy it.

- Hey?

Buy it.

NARRATOR: So they're very keen on that.

Right, put it back quick.

Yeah, OK. OK.

Mental note.

Yes, yes, indeed.

And I'll sit down here on my shooting stick until you're ready.

Well done.

Jack and Rory.

Jack and Rory.

Jack and Rory.

I'd like to tell you a little story about a man called Charles.

NARRATOR: I could tell you stories about Charles, Bernard.

I've just seen an upside down gorilla out there, look.

- Oh, yes.

- On the roof.

Where did he come from?

I have no idea but it looks like he's had a nasty fall.

Yeah.

Does it have any of that on his mind.

Yeah, yeah.

That'd be a laugh.

It will be a laugh.

Should we find out?

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Charles will be Bernard's personal shopper and fetch the fine fellow.

Go on, Charles.

I'm going to pull him down, OK?

I'm going to jump and pull it down.

Do you want a taller auctioneer.

Ready?

Come on, jump and careful.

Well done.

Very good.

I've got it.

Oh, yes.

It's rather large, isn't it?

Let's have a look.

Bring it down.

Oh, it's lovely.

Bernard?

How sweet.

Hello, baby.

How are you?

Yes.

You're right.

Yeah, give us a wave.

Hello.

Give us a kiss.

Oh!

NARRATOR: I think he's more orangutan than gorilla, you know.

And as if by magic.

He's throwing in a banana.

Thanks.

Does that come with him as well?

- Yeah.

- Excellent.

That comes with it.

Go ahead.

Do you want a banana?

No, I'm giving him your death.

NARRATOR: Dealer Ricardo can help with the mirror and gorilla.

What's your very, very best price on this one?

It says 35 on it.

25.

22?

20.

Yeah, OK. - Could you manage 20?

- Yeah.

Thank you, sir.

Deal.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Brilliant.

I mean, look at me.

He's ours.

My buddy.

NARRATOR: They've landed the beast and the mirror.

The mirror belongs to George and she said she would take 25.

And that's a very best?

Yeah.

I would say yes to that.

- We'll take the mirror.

- You'll would take the mirror.

Thank you - 25 pounds.

Thanks a lot.

Good job.

NARRATOR: Deal done.

Meanwhile, Barry and Will have alighted on something that looks a bit of a laugh.

Oh, oh.

What's he saying?

Mr. Pickwick.

I think that is a teapot.

You're a tea drinker?

I do.

NARRATOR: Heavily.

It's modeled as the character Mr. Pickwick from Charles Dickens's classic comic novel "The Pickwick Papers".

It dates from the 1920s or 1930s.

Oh, that would cheer me up in the morning.

Knocking Will?

Oh, I know.

I know what you're saying.

You're the boss.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking 12 quid.

A Lingard tea pot.

I've got this like him for things that just cheer me up when I look at them.

I mean, can I-- Can I go for the Mr. Pickwick teapot?

Listen, who am I to tell you what you can and can't buy?

NARRATOR: Barry loves it even if Will's not convinced.

I'm so-- You know, you're right with him.

Yes.

Should we take him out and meet George?

NARRATOR: All the way, Barry.

I need satnav here.

It's this way mate.

See, I'm proving it.

Oh, yes, as daylight.

Come one, just steps deceptively flat.

Steps, steps, steps.

Well, George.

What have you there?

Listen, as this is your baby as it were.

I'm going to let you take the lead.

Oh, dear.

I would start it off.

Well, you said back off.

Oh, yes, sorry.

I did say this was-- I'm deaf.

I can't hear what he said.

Well, nothing personal.

Nothing insulting, George, but it's lovely fiber.

Oh.

Let me have him.

He's harsher than I am, you know.

I think he's-- I think I'd rather-- No, you've got a good work.

OK, how about six?

You had fallen in love with it.

You want to pull your tea out of it.

I fall in love with you, George, not Mr. Pickwick.

Oh.

Oh, it's a deal.

NARRATOR: Now, Barry might be a haggling novice, but his charms won out again.

They get Mr. Pickwick for 6 pounds.

But while Will's paying up, Oh, hello?

Oh, look out hatch alert.

NARRATOR: Stop spying on the opposition, Charles.

I saw a man in Havana.

Yeah.

I saw a man.

Charles, can I-- it's nice to see you again.

Charles, how have you been?

How've you been, Charles?

I'm very well.

I've left your wing man, Bernard, who's just-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] - Where is he?

Well, we're just negotiating on some big objects.

- Oh.

- Absolutely.

Are you big spending?

We are big spending.

We're spending.

Spending it.

We're puffing our chests out.

Oh, well.

That's fighting talk.

Know your own business best.

See you later.

You never can tell with that boy.

No.

He's like a Labrador puppy.

He's either going to lick you to death, or wet the carpet.

Yeah, you never know quite where you are.

What about that?

NARRATOR: Bernard found something.

Is it West German?

Yeah.

That is where the mark has really picked up.

And there's one aspect of the sector I mean where the market has taken off.

It's for these West German pots from the 1970s.

It's rather handsome.

Because the design is very much of that what do you call this type of, um?

It was that time of that era of-- NARRATOR: Psychedelia?

Not flower power.

What do you call it?

The psychedelic influences.

NARRATOR: Didn't I just say that?

That's in good shape, isn't it?

Because it could do quite well, and that is a big lump.

Yeah.

It's big.

It's chunky.

NARRATOR: Then you'd better speak to Ricardo.

There's no ticket price on the Germanic jug.

Yes.

What do you reckon?

Well, we've enjoyed your company and you've made our day and you can have it for a pound.

Really?

Quick, quick.

- A hundred pence.

- Come on.

Get it.

NARRATOR: Blimey, that's the deal of the century.

That's most kind.

Thank you very much.

We've enjoyed ourselves and that is the cherry on the cake.

It is.

Whoops!

Don't do things like that.

It was a pot of gold.

Honestly.

Where's the monkey?

NARRATOR: Smashing.

Bye, guys.

NARRATOR: After that dashing deal, time for a well-earned sit down.

- I can't fancy-- Well, they're coming.

Here they come.

We're on a roll.

- OK. - I recognize these dolls.

- Hello, Barry.

- I recognize.

Oh, no.

Here they are.

Oh, boys.

You must be feeling confident?

Time for a sit down and a chat?

I think we're very content.

Barry, are you enjoying yourself?

I'm delirious.

Yes, he's delirious.

- See you.

- We'll se you later, dear.

OK. You could teach us all something, Charles.

Absolutely.

Try and stay away, Barry.

Yeah.

Have you had your tablets?

NARRATOR: There's nothing like a bit of healthy competition, and this is nothing like it.

Now, this afternoon, Charles and Bernard are driving off to the environs of the village of Duxford in Cambridgeshire.

They're on their way to the Imperial War Museum's site at RAF Duxford.

A complex of armed services museums where they're going to spend the afternoon exploring a subject close to Bernard's heart.

You know, I've always wanted to come to Duxford.

I was in the Parachute Regiment for my national service from '47 to '49 and absolutely loved it.

Served in Palestine and then went out to Germany.

So my national service was memorable, to say, the least.

NARRATOR: I'll say.

Although he's known as the cuddly voice of the warm balls, Bernard, indeed, served in one of the toughest regiments in the British armed forces.

Oh, dear.

We could be in for a long walk.

OK, down with it.

NARRATOR: He and Charles are heading into Airborne Assault, the Museum of the Parachute Regiment Assistant Curator Bob Hilton.

- Are you Bob?

- I'm Bob.

Hello, Bob.

I'm Bernard.

Nice to meet you.

- This is Charles.

- Hi, Bob.

Charles Hanson.

Good to see you.

Right, where are we going to go Bob?

- Down here.

- Well done, Bob.

Brilliant.

Thank you.

NARRATOR: Bernard's time in the Parachute Regiment began in 1947 just after the end of the second World War.

But it was only during that conflict that the idea of forming a British Army regiment designed to be deployed by air was first conceived.

The German army had pioneered an elite fighting force who were sent into battle by parachute paratroopers, and they had proved devastatingly effective.

Well, they call Fallschirmjager.

Fallschirmjager, yes, and the stunning action on the 10th of May 1940 where they landed by glider and parachute, various bridges, and fortresses along the French and Belgian border.

And overrun the garrisons in a very, very short space of time.

NARRATOR: Prime Minister Winston Churchill took note of the enemy's success.

And it was those reports that got back to Churchill that led him to call for a force of 5,000 men.

And that's a copy of the original letter that he wrote to the Chiefs of Staff.

Pray let me have a note from the war office on the subject.

Yes.

And that means quick now.

NARRATOR: One of the legendary figures of the early days of British paratroopers was Regimental Sergeant Major J.C. Lord, whose exemplary World War II service included the brave protection of his troops while a prisoner of war in a German prisoner of war camp.

He took over the camp Stalag 11B at Fallingbostel, and he ended up running it.

And the German commandant used to have to knock on his door.

Good.

Before he came in.

He was terrific.

NARRATOR: After the war, RSM Lord was posted to the parachute regiments training facilities where Bernard himself was trained.

I actually spoke with him.

He was the RSM of the training and holding battalion when I was in aldershot.

And one day I had been naughty on parade, and pick my nose or whatever it was, and I was told by my corporal, Drake.

He said, "Rifle over your head.

Double around the square," and the square was, like, 18 miles long.

And I'm going bingbong, bingbong.

And I hear "Hep, hep, hep!"

That very high voice that Mr. Lord had.

And I went over in front of him.

He'd been to idle operators.

Yes, I come, and off I went, you know.

But those are the words I had with him.

What a memory that was.

Where did that come from?

Excellent.

Oh, dear.

NARRATOR: And that's not the only trip down memory lane that Bob has in store today.

And we've got a bit of a surprise for you here.

I'm not jumping.

I've got bad knees now.

Well, this is the report on course number 221, 19th of July, 1947 to the 13th of August, 1947.

And on page number two.

I don't believe it.

Here we have.

Bernard Cribbins.

Oh, is that Cribbins?

"Good performer."

That's you.

"Well disciplined and likely NCO."

NARRATOR: Ha!

Golly top marks Cribbins.

So you were really what, 10 out of 10 for Bernard?

Well, that's nine out of 10.

OK, that's being fair.

Novice is 10 out of 10 unless you're very, very good.

Well, that's lovely.

Can I steal that?

- I think we've done a copy - Oh.

Brilliant.

Brilliant.

Amazing.

I shall put it on my CV.

Absolutely.

Good performer, well, not him.

Well disciplined, get out of it.

NARRATOR: Hey, the report card proves you were, Bernard.

And I think it's time you imparted some of that military discipline to the next generation, don't you?

Come on, Charles.

What do you think they'll do?

Left, right, left, right.

Your modeling, you look like a duck.

Get them over.

I've never seen that a sloppy every in my life.

The front view is awful but the back view is even worse.

Left, right, left, right.

Come on.

Beg your sorry backside.

NARRATOR: You tell him, Bernard.

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Barry and Will are driving onwards.

So Barry, I'm intrigued to know.

Yes?

How you first got into, shall we call it show business?

I had no plan.

And blue eyes got University and blew it.

What you mean you blew it?

I chased girls and was not unknown in the bar.

And my first year results showed it if I felt I was ashamed of let everybody down.

And we did as charity show called The Rag Review.

Yes.

And a guy saw me and often we were.

Wow.

Lucky or what?

I've had this thing happen serendipity or whatever.

I've been in the right place at the right time.

NARRATOR: Let's hope Barry carries some of that good fortune on to the next shop as they head for the town of Berkhamsted in Hertfordshire.

Well, here we are.

This is all very pleasant, isn't it?

NARRATOR: Barry and Will heading into Home They still have a generous 369 pounds left to spend.

This is all very old.

This is the 20th century.

I think half of this stuff's younger than you are Barry?

Everything's younger than me.

What are you talking about?

Are you into all this 20th century stuff?

Where you were a man of 60s?

Yes, it's a few-- if you can't remember this?

If you remember-- - That's it.

You weren't there.

What was that quote?

What were you going to say?

[CHUCKLES] NARRATOR: Soon enough, they've spotted something.

You said you wanted something ceramicky?

Yeah.

But a sort of French faience.

I would have said.

NARRATOR: Faience is the French type of tin glazed pottery.

They've got something about them, haven't they?

Yeah.

Raspberry candlesticks, they marked up at 49 pounds, which I don't think is a huge amount.

NARRATOR: So that's one distinct possibility, but they're browsing on if they can get browsed lovely shopkeepers Eileen and Jenny.

We've been rumbled.

We'll make rubbish shoplifters.

[CHUCKLES] Keep walking.

Keep walking, Will.

Yeah, keep walking.

You're distracting me, Barry.

Oh, by the way.

That's shaggy dog story you told me earlier.

[LAUGHTER] Truncheon bucks police.

You need a truncheon voucher with that.

Have I no shame.

NARRATOR: Nothing wrong with a lovely pun I always say.

What is this?

It's like some sort of oversized candle box of sorts.

Can I have a look on this, Will?

What does it say You're not going to believe this.

Tell me.

Baguette box.

A baguette box.

I don't believe it.

Oh, boy.

A baguette box.

I'm having-- That's a little bit singular.

I don't smell of baguette.

[CHUCKLES] And it's French.

Oh, not.

Now, should we realized we've got a seam emerging.

A seam going with the French.

NARRATOR: May way ticket price on their second piece of garlic quark is 45 pounds?

Ilene this way.

OK. NARRATOR: Let's see what Eileen and Jenny have to say, of course, the boys are looking for a discount.

Well, let's say we'll do 10% for you.

No, come, come.

10%, we're not regular trade.

Oh.

This is my prior.

Oh, Barry, I beg your pardon.

In that case, but I will do 5%, is that OK?

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: Too shay, ticket price on both lots combined is 94 pounds.

We're going to come in with a cheeky offer of, shall I do the dirty work?

- Go on.

Do the dirty work.

50 pounds for both.

85.

Should we say 80 pounds?

A nice round number.

80 quid and then we stand a chance at 80 quid I think on those.

We stand to-- Come on, 80.

And you get the cash.

It's great.

It's been good fun.

I think that's a fair discount.

NARRATOR: 80 pounds for two lots and more kisses all round.

I'm terribly continental.

But as an uncle.

They're going out for dinner and she's in the bathroom trying on a new dress.

And she came out and said to her husband, "Is my bum look big in this?"

"You should be fair, love.

It's quite a small bathroom".

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: As they say, always leave them laughing.

And with that last daring buy, it's the end of a jam-packed first day on the trip.

Night, night, chaps.

But before you know it, the summer sun has arisen.

And Charles and Will are back in the car and ready to rumble.

When the go and gets tough, the tough gets dirty.

NARRATOR: If the tough know where they're going.

I don't know where we're going.

[LAUGHS] Hang on.

Where's my man mask?

I've lost my mask.

NARRATOR: Situation normal here then.

Meanwhile, our celebrities are miles ahead of the whippersnappers and reflecting on the trip so far.

Funny job that isn't it looking at old stuff and making fortunes out of it.

I spend my life looking at old jokes.

Evaluating old jokes.

And take humor.

This was first used by Oliver Cromwell.

NARRATOR: And just slightly more late than him.

They're already here.

I say that's their car.

Where are they?

Good morning.

Oh, this is Will.

Hello, Will.

- Oh, you know.

Good morning.

You know I don't live, don't you?

How are you?

This is my expert.

Hello?

How are you?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] At the time.

NARRATOR: It is.

Best get on the road.

So far, Bernard and Charles have spent 46 pounds on three items-- the Art Nouveau mirror, the German jug, and the stuffed gorilla.

So they got a whopping 354 pounds left to spend today.

While Barry and Will have spent 111 pounds on four lots.

The deckchair, the Pickwickian teapot, French candlesticks, and the baguette box.

So they have 289 pounds still in hand.

Now, Will and Barry have back in the Morris minor.

So, Barry, today.

Yeah?

We've got a bit of a treat for you.

Well, I hope it's a bit of a treat for you.

I've watches this street.

We are going to a museum.

But not any old museum, the Museum of Comedy.

Oh, boy.

I'm looking forward to this.

Yeah.

Well, I'm looking forward to it and I must say what a legend turn up with as well.

Who?

I don't know.

I think we're picking someone up on the way.

Yeah, it's all.

NARRATOR: You're learning from the comedy master, Will.

I've got a joke for you.

Oh, go on there.

Who's the most relaxed bloke in the hospital?

I have no idea.

Who is the most relaxed bloke in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy.

Oh.

NARRATOR: Actually, that wasn't that bad.

They're driving to the central London district of Bloomsbury.

Look at this lovely.

Lovely day.

Oh.

What have we here?

NARRATOR: Whether, indeed, strolling off towards the Museum of Comedy.

You too don't half walk fun a little silly.

Their meeting assistant curator David.

Hello?

Hi.

Hi, there, Will.

Allow me to introduce this man to you, do I?

NARRATOR: You do not, sir.

Barry and Will a visiting the Museum of comedy on the very week it first opens to the public.

How's that for VIP access?

It has costumes, scripts, props, and all manner of memorabilia relating to the serious history of silly old comedy.

Incongruously, it's also housed in the former crypt of a church.

I've died in bigger places than this.

NARRATOR: But this is where comedy legends live on.

They're going to see some mutter which belong to comedy star of the early 20th century, Max Miller.

Oh.

Miller.

Is this the sort of cult an outfit he used to wear?

Yeah, I mean, that's actually in the photo.

It's him actually wearing it.

Yeah, the wiry white hat.

NARRATOR: Miller was the brightest star in musical hall comedy between the 1930s and 1950s beloved by millions for his cheeky gags and sartorial flair.

Miller was so distinctive coming on the stage full technicolor act coming on s. He was terrific.

You wouldn't have forgotten him, would you?

If you go see it.

NARRATOR: And Barry himself has an early memory of seeing Miller's gleeful and risque act.

My mother took me to see him and I was astonished.

He was at Leeds Empire Theater.

And even then.

I was getting the flavor of the double entendre.

He was a naughty boy, you know, the awful twinkling blue eyes.

My mother was loving it.

She was twinkling away because he was the bad boy.

NARRATOR: From one pioneering comedy rebel to another, they're now going to check out some items that belong to another hero of Barry's.

He's a legend of television comedy from a slightly earlier era and one he actually worked with - Tommy Cooper.

Who made this?

Tommy Cooper made them himself.

He made them.

Yeah, he was a compensator.

So he made the majority of his own props.

I never knew that.

I remember this part from his sketch.

Good practice.

Yes.

So you walk on stage.

Ta-da!

NARRATOR: Cooper's act often disguised his great skills as a magician behind the laugh baiting premise of failed tricks, or unexpected transformations.

This looks like a prop of magicians.

This is a prop of magician's prop.

I'm not exactly sure what it does about the fact.

We're not really supposed to use it because it breaks, like.

Oh!

Oh.

And is this another prop here?

Magic trick where things suddenly appear out of nowhere, which is, I say, super nice.

It's all pretty easy.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

[CLAPS] Oh.

This could be good.

OK. Great.

NARRATOR: Tommy would be proud having had the last laugh, it's time for Barry and Will to hit the road.

Terrific, he's in the room.

It's wonderful.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Bernard and Charles are heading for the town of East Molesey in Surrey.

And Charles is a bit starstruck person.

And could you just now, just for my golden age of being a young boy, give me some womble nose.

Aha, I must tell Uncle Bulgaria when I get back to the Burrow.

Is Orinoco I can see you and you're not working.

You're being lazy again.

Oh, no.

Sorry, uncle Bulgaria.

And then Madam Chile would come in, you know.

Whoa, we shouldn't Bulgaria.

What would you like for lunch today?

NARRATOR: Glorious.

They're strolling off into Bridge Road Antiques with 354 pounds still in hand a meeting dealer Sue.

Hello?

I'm Bernard, hello?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to get out of that sun.

It's quite warm out there.

Wow, look at this wonderful.

It's an emporium, isn't it?

NARRATOR: In contrast to yesterday's Bernard dead buying, Charles is determined to take the reins and find some real antiques.

I've been showing off all the time here, and now he's here.

Absolutely, yeah thanks, Charles.

OK. NARRATOR: Believe me, Bernard and Charles never lacks a chance to show off.

- Where are we going now?

- Let's go.

Follow me.

Foot folds.

Follow me.

Look at that.

Look at that.

This is high brow Edwardian silver what you call New Racoco Art.

I knew him actually, I was in to play with him once.

New Racoco.

Yeah, he's a lovely clown.

I've heard of him.

Yeah, no, he's very funny, man.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: So are you, Bernard.

Even if Charles is a bit slow on the uptake, they found an Edwardian solid silver bonbon basket as you do.

Sheffield hallmarked, the year-- 1905.

Made by James Dixon and sons.

Yes.

Are they well?

Yes, they are.

NARRATOR: Ticket prices a hefty, 220 pounds, but it is the kind of quality antique that Charles wanted to buy.

That is extraordinarily.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

NARRATOR: It's owned by a dealer off site.

Do you want to give him a ring?

Yeah, why not?

Give him a ring and ask for his very, very best price.

Just tell him I've got a bad leg and I need help.

All right then.

I'll tell him that.

OK. Bye.

Yeah, absolutely.

One second.

I'm leaving it entirely in your hands because you're the expert.

I'm really happy based on the quality, Sue.

I want my mate to take a chance on this.

Yeah.

So I think at 170.

Gone.

We're going to say going, going-- Thank you.

Deal.

Go.

Thank you very much, Sue.

We're over the moon.

- I like it.

Thank you very much.

NARRATOR: It's a nice item, but it's almost half of their total budget - crumbs.

Are you impressed at me now?

Are you impressed?

I'm more than impressed.

I'm deafened.

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: Yeah, you own me both, Bernard.

- Bernard?

- What?

It's one thing over here as well.

You're a dog lover, aren't you?

Yes, indeed.

Yes.

I quite like this here the Victorian alabaster carboxylic, do you like that?

With a Spaniel on top.

Yes.

It's quite sweet, isn't it?

What would you use that for?

Probably, you might use it as a jewelry box.

Yes, you could.

A little dressing table box and cover.

Give me a date on that.

Thursday.

Thursday?

NARRATOR: Ha-ha!

Spot on, Bernard.

It dates from any Thursday you care to mention in the 1880s.

Ticket price is 23 pounds.

What's he like?

I quite like that, right?

Go on.

Do a deal.

Go on.

Go on.

Go on.

I quite like it.

If you can get that for 20 pounds, I would say buy it.

Would you, really?

Yes.

I would knock three off it just because I'm mean.

Yes.

Nobody is listening on that?

She's over there.

Hello, Sue.

All right.

Yes, would you do a 20 on that for me?

I think she would definitely do 20.

She would?

Yeah.

We're very happy with that.

Thank you.

20 pounds.

Thank you, we'll take that as well.

- Thank you.

- Lovely.

NARRATOR: Another deal sealed on a real antique, but they're not finished yet.

It's just looking over there.

Having a look.

Having a look.

And this picture, it's got four legs.

Oh, it's a chair.

Yes.

NARRATOR: Good guess.

If you're browsing Charles, I shall sit down.

- OK. - Is that all right?

Fine.

Yes.

Yes I got a good view here.

It is pretty, isn't it?

Just look at that.

Run the chaps, oops.

Sorry, Sue.

Land the bottom.

Sorry, Sue.

You're terribly clumsy with this.

- Sorry.

- Oh it is pretty.

Isn't that a gorgeous, lovely chair?

That really is spectacular bit of furniture.

NARRATOR: It's an Edwardian mahogany bedroom chair dating from around 1905.

But the quality is superb.

It's so good, in fact.

It's beautiful.

Not to anyone's taste.

No.

Oh, look at it.

We check the construction.

It's knockout.

Oh!

NARRATOR: Oh!

So, they definitely want the chair but at what price?

On the ticket is 80 pounds.

Do your stuff.

Come on.

Negotiate.

Sue, what's your best price?

[LAUGHTER] I could have said that.

Yeah.

It's going to be worth-- Look at me.

Look at me.

60?

No?

No.

61?

More than that.

Keep going.

Keep going.

65?

I would think she'd probably do at 65.

Really?

NARRATOR: Success!

Three real antiques in the bag.

Good work, chaps.

Now, having spent the morning larking about, Barry and Will are still on the hunt for another item but they're feeling confident.

Do you think we've already got this in the bag?

Well, I won't say it again.

Yes, I will.

Yes, we have.

NARRATOR: They're traveling to the London district of Battersea where they're off to Northcote Road Antiques Market.

We'll do a quick circuit, Barry, and just see if there's anything that jump.

Gramophone?

Oh, hang on a minute.

Oh.

Oh, gosh.

Do you like that?

I love these.

I know exactly what it is.

This is called a gulvase made for Holmegaard.

And it's very fashionable and trendy at the moment.

NARRATOR: This Danish glass vase probably dates from the 1960s.

Ticket prices 55 pounds.

Time to speak to dealer Sue.

They all called Sue, actually.

Sue, love, first thought is 30.

40, do it for 40.

55 down to 40, I think that's a fair discount.

A very good discount.

In the circumstance.

Will, I just got a thought.

Tell me.

We should accept it.

Barry that was a drum roll.

Barry, shake on it.

Oh, you got the kiss for free.

Thank you, Sue.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

NARRATOR: The tag team haggling approaches one another dealer round, and everyone's all bought up.

Yes!

Yes!

Well done.

NARRATOR: And what does that mean?

Time for both teams to unveil their purchases, of course.

That was a pain in my hamstring.

NARRATOR: Bernard and Charles are up first.

This, I reckon, is the exciting bit, isn't it?

Da da da dan tan tan.

You were both out of tune there.

Do you know that?

Anyway, are we going first?

Yes.

Tadaan!

Look at that.

NARRATOR: They combined the German jug Art Nouveau mirror into one lot for the auction.

Wish me luck.

A lot of jug for your money?

Absolutely 1970s.

Next item what I thrive on is the lovely silver pierced basket.

Yeah.

I buy that from Sheffield 1905.

Yes, indeed.

Very close to me.

It's max of quality.

And then this very lovely alabaster casket.

I love alabaster.

I love the sheep on top.

Yeah, that's nice.

It's not a sheep, it's a Spaniel.

It's a Spanish sheep.

Thanks for coming.

NARRATOR: A sheep, honestly?

But there is one final beast.

Yeah.

Get down there.

He's having a keep because he's-- - Yes?

- He's bored with everything.

Oh.

Maybe I should go and say hello to you as well.

He knows who the winners are, OK?

Yeah.

Barry, I'm going to ask you.

Are you impressed with our wares?

Yes, in a sense.

NARRATOR: Don't get carried away there, Barry.

Well, are we going to reveal?

Was it a good partnership buying?

We had fun.

We agreed on everything.

And it was this from a sitting position because I know it's going to be extraordinary.

I'll give you a hand.

Oh, OK. Oh, I say.

I'll give you a hand.

Oh, I say.

- Oh, I haven't finished yet.

- Oh!

No, no.

This is the way.

The weather is right for it.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, yeah.

Will you celebrate when you get in and sit-in it?

Well-- You're talking about elevating.

Oh, I see.

A shay short.

What about this tam gentleman with his handle is here?

Now, who is that camp gentleman?

Turn around and have a good look.

Let's have a look.

Mr. Pickwick?

- Correct.

Oh, well done, sir.

I'm intrigued by this.

What is it?

No, one thing at a time.

Are we doing Mr. Pickwick?

No, we've done Mr. Pickwick he's out of it.

What is this?

This is what I want to say.

Ah, yes.

This is what intrigued us.

You know what, it was marked up us?

- What?

- A baguette box.

Really?

Really?

Have you ever hunted of a thing?

I think it's for carrying ferrets about.

- Wrong, no.

- Sorry.

Do you think it's French?

- It must be, mustn't it?

- Yeah.

- Baguette?

- Yeah.

I've had enough of it.

I'm another drink.

Get it down, your lap.

NARRATOR: Yeah, help yourself burn it.

Yeah.

I think guys, all I can say is the competition is brewing.

I'm really excited.

Barry, good luck.

And to you.

You might need it.

Will, you've done well.

Charles, may I say thank you?

Pleasure.

Well done, Will, Barry.

I've enjoyed it.

NARRATOR: But while the other team's backs are turned, what are they really think?

I thought they pursued a rather good and mediocre standard quite frankly.

I'm sorry to sound smug.

Who wants a baguette box?

People with a lot of baguettes that they want to forget.

Yeah.

Let the battle commence in the sale remem-- At the battle of commence.

May the best team win.

I'm feeling rather emotional.

NARRATOR: Me too, Barry.

On this road trip, they've snickered all the way from St. Albans to end up tittering here in Twickenham, London.

Will and Charles are motoring to auction.

Welcome to Twickenham.

Thank you very much.

Thanks for having me.

NARRATOR: As our Bernard and Barry.

These are the backstreets of Twickenham, sir.

Yes, Cribbins, yes.

Just off the high street.

Well, get your act together.

NARRATOR: Twickenham is famed as the home of the England rugby team and the site of the largest rugby union stadium in the world.

I think we're nearly there now, Barry?

Nearly, nearly?

Nearly.

They're not here at all.

Do you think they've got lost?

Oh, here they are, look.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Good evening.

You may joke, Barry, but it is royalty.

The driver is very good.

Hello?

How are you, sir?

Well, I'm better than I'm out of that car.

Very good.

NARRATOR: They're all piling into high road auctions where auctioneer David Holmes will today be presiding.

But before first gavel strike, what does he think of the two team's lots?

Deckchair, nice thing.

Early 20th century, I think this one's made out of beech.

We've got the weather for it today.

Let's hope somebody loves it.

A gorilla cushion.

If there's any cups three to five-year-Olds with a bank account in Twickenham, we're home and dry.

NARRATOR: Bernard and Charles started this road trip with 400 pounds and spent 301 pounds exactly on five lots.

While Barry and Will spend 151 pounds exactly, and also have five lots to show for it.

Come on, guys.

We're on the front row tonight.

Do you think how'd you do?

For the big night.

Excellent.

I feel it's the best time before we start.

Chams, the show will start.

Chams, the ice creams are down.

The ice cream's coming down.

So how are you feeling, you're feeling confident?

What a silly question.

Of course, not.

No, I refuse to be complacent.

Arrogant, yes.

Complacent, never.

Well, wake me up when it's finished.

Yeah.

- Good luck, wing man.

- Thanks for coming, Bernard.

- Thank you very much.

- Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck.

NARRATOR: The auction is about to begin.

Oh, the excitement.

Enjoy it.

NARRATOR: First up is Bernard and Charles's alabaster box, meet Spaniel.

Come on.

Let's go ahead.

Exactly.

Come along 20 pounds the maid in bed.

Take 5 again.

I've got a maiden bet with the gentleman there at 25.

Again, 25, 30 pounds, 5 again, 40.

Gentleman's bid on my right at 40 pounds only.

5, 50, 45 the lady.

50 the gentleman's.

Again, 50 pounds.

50 off pounds.

On the gentleman's bid there, 50.

Final chance.

Done at 50.

Give a high five.

Calm down.

NARRATOR: That's top dog and it puts Bernard and Charles in the lead.

Give me a handshake.

Well done.

We'll give them one, Barry.

We'll give them one.

Lulled into a false sense of insecurity.

NARRATOR: Next, it's the Danish glass vase for Barry and Will.

It's very nice.

Very nice.

NARRATOR: Very nice.

They have a comment in the front row.

Thank you, sir.

Get it sold.

10 pounds get it started, where's the bid?

Thank you, 15 on it.

10.

Come on the internet.

30 pounds, sir.

20 pounds is bid.

5 again.

It's the gentleman in the doorway at 20 pounds only.

I'll take 5 on this slot.

Any further bids?

Your bid, sir?

Any bids online?

Are we done at 20?

I'm going to get my coat, Barry.

Oh, dear.

Wow, that's a disappointment.

That is a disappointment.

NARRATOR: Unlucky but there's everything to play for.

Never mind.

I enjoyed owning it briefly.

It's our girl, isn't it?

Yeah, the gorilla.

Your funky Gibbon.

20.

Funky Gibbon.

What is it Gibbon?

Goodness sake, much bigger than a Gibbon.

And it's the wrong color.

It's an orangutan.

I think you might be right.

NARRATOR: Indeed, it's the funky orangutan next.

This lady seems to like it.

Go on.

Hug it.

Star lot of the show.

Lot number 76.

Sit.

Sit.

Star lot of the show.

He's a complete with his banana.

Somebody suggested a dog bed thought it was a fantastic idea.

- Yeah.

- Somebody.

Thank you very much, sir.

Bobby 30 pounds for it.

30 pounds for it I'm sure you know where this one comes from 30 pounds only.

Thank you.

25 pounds, sir.

25 on that lot.

Anybody else want to join in with this lot, the orangutan?

Come on.

30 pounds.

I have a maiden bed.

Now, listen to a word of it.

It could be a lovely dog bed.

Absolutely marvelous as a dog bed, whether you've got Saint Bernard or I can tell you.

Beautiful.

Who wants that?

- Would you like the hammer?

- No, I won't.

No, no.

30 pounds the maiden bet, say 5 on that long.

I promised the judge I would never use a hammer again.

Fair enough.

30 pounds the maiden bet, are we done?

30 pounds the maiden bet.

One more.

Done a 30.

10 pounds profit.

It comes over that?

Grudgingly, but yes.

NARRATOR: He's the King of the Swingers.

Thanks in part to Bernard's showmanship, they're building a solid advantage.

Where does the 20 stone gorilla sleeps?

Tell me where.

In anywhere he likes.

NARRATOR: The opp one are the best boys.

Now, it's Bernard and Charles's Edwardian mahogany chair.

He's taught me at 50 for this one.

Lovely side chair for your bedroom, let me 50 pounds for.

- Beautiful chair.

- Super chair.

20 pounds.

It's no money.

Get it started.

Thank you sir, 5 again.

25, 30, 5 again, 40 pounds, 5 again.

It's only got three legs, Charles.

It's standing there, I'll take 5 on this slot.

Any bids for the internet?

Your bid, sir?

It's cheap.

Final time fair warning.

Find that hammer.

Done at 40.

- Oh.

- Oh.

No.

He's certain.

Sorry.

40 pounds.

It's their first loss, Barry.

First loss.

NARRATOR: That chair threatens to unseat them.

One for Barry and Will know that Mr. Pickwick teapot, but will it be the crowds pick?

20 pounds for the link card.

I'm tempted myself.

Novelty teapot.

But with 20 guys, bet me 10 pounds for it.

10 pounds is bid.

15 on this one.

10 pounds only.

It's cheap, Barry.

15 on that.

15, thank you sir.

20 new buyer, 5 again sir.

25 pounds, we're not asking the Earth, are we?

20 pounds to bid there.

Mr. Cryer chose this.

25 pounds, sir.

Thank you very much.

Oh, yes.

Well done, sir.

30, 30, 5 again sir.

It's only money.

30 pound's the bid, I'll take 5 again.

Oh!

Are we done?

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

Oh, 30 pounds final time, done at 30.

Wow.

May I say thank you?

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: He's a little teapot and he's put Barry and Will firmly back in the game.

Could pick, Barry.

Well, are we pleased with that?

Pleased?

That's a world record price for a Mr. Pickwick teapot.

NARRATOR: It's French faience candlesticks now for Bas and Will.

AUCTIONEER: 20 pounds-- get them started.

Who's got a bid on these?

Was that a bid, sir?

I'll take 20 on these.

Surely.

AUCTIONEER: French faience candlesticks-- a pair of them in the lot.

- What?

AUCTIONEER: 20 pounds only.

Well done.

Shut up, you.

AUCTIONEER: --take 5 on this one.

I have a maiden bid, 25.

30.

HOST: Aw.

30.

30 pounds, sir?

Don't lose them for a fiver.

25 pound?

The gentleman there-- take 30 on them.

25 pounds.

The gentleman who sat down-- I think I better just leave it to you, Barry, mate.

25.

That was the excitement.

Oh, I felt that through the heart.

NARRATOR: Oh, quel dommage.

Next up, it's the job lot of jug and Art Nouveau mirror for Bernard and Charles.

AUCTIONEER: And it comes with an Art Nouveau style mirror as well.

[INAUDIBLE] be 50 pounds for it.

Super.

The large hue of the vase set.

Bid me 50 pounds, guys.

20 pounds-- get it started.

Who's got a bid on it?

The German pottery-- 20 pounds.

Thank you, madam.

5 again.

25.

Come on.

AUCTIONEER: 30.

Are we done, guys?

30 pounds.

Last chance.

Any bids online?

Done at 30.

[GAVEL SLAMMING] I think you might have wiped him out for that lot.

Exactly.

NARRATOR: Another profit.

Lovely juggly.

[CHUCKLE] But will the baguette box back a profit for Barry and Will?

20. Who's going to bid?

Oh dear, oh dear.

AUCTIONEER: Nobody like it?

20 pounds only.

Show me another one.

AUCTIONEER: Exactly.

You ever heard of one before?

AUCTIONEER: --maiden bid, take five on that lot.

25, 30.

Thank you very much.

Five again, sir.

35, 40.

NARRATOR: Go on [INAUDIBLE] AUCTIONEER: 35 pounds at the back there.

Take 40 on it.

The baguette box, final time-- I'm selling.

35.

[GAVEL POUNDING] AUCTIONEER: Yes, sir.

Your number is?

- Thank you, sir.

Well done.

Well done.

35.

AUCTIONEER: [INAUDIBLE] we move on to.

Who bought it?

Well done, sir.

NARRATOR: Saved from disaster.

The auctioneer thought it shone.

But will the crowd take a shine?

It's the deckchair.

25 pounds was a bargain.

It was.

He had to work hard for it.

Harry was giving kisses away like there was no tomorrow.

What?

And it also comes rather handily with a beside the seaside postcard signed and inscribed by Mr. Barry Cryer.

Oh, dear.

NARRATOR: Oh, does it now?

That was sneaky [INAUDIBLE].

Heavyweight champion of the world.

AUCTIONEER: I like it.

I think it's a fun object.

I really like it.

50 pounds, get it started.

Surely.

Take it home.

This is the evening to enjoy it.

20 pounds.

It's cheap.

Bid.

5 again.

20 pounds 5.

30.

5 again.

35, 45, 5 again.

50 pounds for it.

45 pounds only?

[INAUDIBLE] well done.

You've done it.

60 pounds, sir.

The postcard's worth that.

Yes.

AUCTIONEER: 55 pounds only.

Take 60 on that lot.

60.

5 again.

NARRATOR: Oh!

MAN: Well done.

AUCTIONEER: Back of the room.

70 pounds, sir.

It's no money.

It's 65 at the back.

I'll take 70 from you gentlemen bid.

He's squeezing every penny of him.

He's earning his commission.

AUCTIONEER: --five with the postcard signed by Mr. Cryer.

He's doing well for us here, Barry.

70 pound.

I have a bit on my left.

I'll take five on it.

Good bid.

It's only five pounds, sir.

it's your last chance.

Come on, what a warm day.

I can see you reclining with your pins.

I have 70 pounds only.

It's your last chance.

I'm going to sell it.

Are we done at 70?

WILL AXON: He's done us proud, Charles, the auctioneer.

AUCTIONEER: [INAUDIBLE] at 70.

He's done us proud.

Well done.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

AUCTIONEER: [INAUDIBLE] Yes, thank you.

NARRATOR: A smashing profit on that means happy days for Barry and Will.

Well, it comes down to this.

Impeccable lack of taste.

Thanks a lot.

Who is that?

Charles-- I don't know.

He's just-- AUCTIONEER: So everything hangs on Bernard and Charles's most costly punt-- the solid silver bowl.

Give me 100 pounds for it.

MAN: It's bad.

[INAUDIBLE] bad.

50 pounds.

Get it started.

Charles, put your hand up, Charles.

Put your hand up.

AUCTIONEER: 50 pounds for it.

NARRATOR: Crumbs.

Oh.

[INAUDIBLE] This is frightening.

NARRATOR: It is.

Thank you very much.

50 pounds the maiden bid.

Bid me 60 on it.

50.

Well, that's life.

You win some, you lose some.

Charles.

AUCTIONEER: What's it worth, 200?

I'll get my hat.

Has everybody gone to sleep?

Is it the heat?

60 bid.

70.

80.

90.

5.

So this is the bargain, I think, of probably five years.

85 pounds.

90 I'll take on it.

This is worth 150 pounds every day.

I have 85 pounds only.

I'll take 90 on it.

The Dixon bowl-- makes you want to give up and do something else for a living.

NARRATOR: Don't give Charles ideas.

AUCTIONEER: Are we done at 85 pounds only?

90.

5 again.

It's very cheap, sir.

95.

100.

100.

5 again.

MAN: Come on, sir.

105.

110.

Was that a bid, sir?

110.

115.

115.

120.

115 pounds.

It's your last chance.

It's the bargain of the year at 115 pounds only.

[GAVEL POUNDING] Auctioneer, thank you.

Well done.

Brilliant auctioneering.

Brilliant.

Yep.

AUCTIONEER: [INAUDIBLE] I think you've-- I think you're cleaned us.

- An emotional-- - I haven't done-- I haven't done the maths.

Charles, may I say, well done, sir.

It's time out.

Good night.

NARRATOR: A Sterling performance from our auctioneer drives a more respectable price.

Should we go and work out the figures, Charles?

Yes, I think so.

Over a nice cup of tea?

- A stiff drink.

- Walk-- Bend down.

Bend down.

I'm walking out.

[INAUDIBLE] go on, after you, sir.

- Thank you very much.

- Come on.

- Thank you very much.

- Come on, Charles.

Hey, age-- - [INAUDIBLE] Age before beauty.

I think you're quite right.

Well done, gents.

Thank you-- AUCTIONEER: And these consummate showman get a hand from the crowd.

Oh no.

- Well done.

- Thanks a lot.

Well done.

We was robbed.

AUCTIONEER: Bernard and Charles started with 400 pounds.

After auction costs, they made an unlucky loss of 83 pounds, 70 P, and end today with 316 pounds and 30 P. While Barry and Will also started with 400 pounds, they made a small loss of 3 pounds 40p, ending with 396 pounds, 60p.

They are truly today's victors.

So congratulations, Bas and Will.

I know.

It was all Barry's lots-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] --that made the money?

It's my round now.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Well, gents, I hope you've had fun.

Yes.

I hope you've enjoyed yourself.

More than we expected.

NARRATOR: I always find that too, Barry.

[HONKING] MAN: Uh, listen, Bas.

BARRY: Yes, [INAUDIBLE].

It's been lovely seeing you for these few days, and-- I couldn't agree more.

MAN: [CHUCKLING]