Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

VO: The nation's favorite celebrities... Wow.

VO: ..paired up with an expert... Ow!

Ow!

Get it sorted.

VO: ..and a classic car.

She's beautiful.

We're steaming.

VO: Their mission - to scour Britain for antiques.

Is that antique?

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

VO: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

VO: But it's no easy ride...

There's a dog chasing us!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

I love that.

VO: Who will take the biggest risk?

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

Yeah, OK, I know what that means.

VO: There will be worthy winners...

Yes!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

Disaster.

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let's go shopping.

Woo-hoo!

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: By George!

VO: Strap yourselves in.

We've got some comics in the house.

Al Murray and Paul Chowdhry.

It's good to see you, Al.

Yeah, it's great to see you too, Paul.

I didn't realize Uber execs have gone this exec.

(LAUGHS) VO: The fellas met on the comedy circuit back in the '90s and have been chums ever since.

Don't be gentle, it's a rental.

Use the sensors.

Oh.

(LAUGHS) VO: Only the best for our chaps as they motor around South London.

They have the stately Rolls Royce Corniche from 1968.

Lucky dogs.

Let's see how this handles speed bumps.

AL: : Oh, look at that.

PAUL: Nice.

Oh, the smooth Rolls Royce speed bump action there.

In 1968 there were no speed bumps.

AL: Exactly.

PAUL: They'd drive over people.

(LAUGHS) I'm seeing a series of Top Gear right now.

You and me.

Yeah, this could be a thing.

VO: Al Murray's big break arrived in 1994 when he created his comedy character, the Pub Landlord.

Back in the day it'd be me driving you.

Well, isn't this a turnaround?

D'you know what I mean?

This is the new Britain.

(LAUGHS) VO: Fellow stand-up Paul is renowned for his acerbic wit and laconic delivery.

Where did you grow up?

Em, Buckinghamshire.

Definitely your kind of car, this.

(LAUGHS) Chowdhry!

There you go.

(HONKS HORN) I'm smarting now, cuz he recognized you, not me.

(LAUGHS) How come Chowdhry's got a driver?

(LAUGHS) (RINGING) What's that noise?

It's the indicator.

Oh.

I thought we'd run out of petrol.

That was probably one of the selling points of this car.

(LAUGHS) For �200,000 you get futuristic bleeps.

VO: Guiding them will be auctioneer James Braxton, who's also a pub landlord, don't you know.

And Natasha Raskin Sharp, all round antiques whizz and fellow auctioneer and good egg.

I'm really excited about meeting Al Murray.

I have watched him from afar.

I believe that Al really thinks that Paul is the real deal, he thinks he's great.

He's very funny.

And having seen some of his work, he is very funny.

VO: Oh, look at their wheels, the Aston Martin V8 from 1978.

What a corker, eh?

What's your favorite bit of cockney rhyming slang?

Er...

The tenants are apples and pears aren't there.

VO: You're having a giraffe, Natasha.

Don't ask him!

We're the celebrities and we're meeting in a graffitied car park.

Story of my life.

I think the bloods and the crips are gonna turn up in a minute.

(LAUGHS) Some kind of gangster area.

We don't wanna be seen with this car in this area.

Look at it.

Well, unless we ran the area.

In which case, that would be alright, wouldn't it?

They're here.

Is that a bit embarrassing, they're waiting for us?

Ooh, it's an Aston Martin.

That's nice.

Woah, woah.

Almost ran me over.

Look at that.

If you watch this show, these are the absolute top brass.

Nice to see you.

Natasha, Paul, Al.

Lovely to meet you.

Is this your Uber driver?

This is my...

Yes.

Five stars.

It's been pre-ordained, James, you're with Al.

Pub landlords, stick together.

That's what I hear.

My hero.

JAMES: Come on over.

AL: My hero.

Shall we just get to it?

I think we should.

D'you want to drive?

I... Yeah, I want to drive.

Fire away.

NATASHA: Do you fancy driving?

PAUL: I'll drive.

PAUL: Aston.

NATASHA: Something.

PAUL: DB something.

NATASHA: V8 I think.

This is nice.

VO: Yeah, it's alright.

And off we jolly well go!

Onward, hey.

It's all about the antique.

Well, the good news, Al, is we've got �400, and it really does need to be spent.

Let's do this.

Eat my profit, Paul Chowdhry.

So, you've been doing comedy since the late '90s.

When did you come across Al?

I did a lot of gigs with him, and Al won the Perrier award, Er, I think around 2000.

He was considered the best comic in the UK.

Back when he was a young comic.

Now he's a has-been, I thought someone needs to bring him back from the dead.

VO: Cheeky!

Let's see their journey from A to B. London town is where we start.

We'll point those classic cars west as we journey to an auction in Bourne End, Buckinghamshire.

First stop?

Crystal Palace.

JAMES: Now, there's something, something very relaxing about London traffic, isn't there?

There's something very relaxing about London traffic.

VO: Crystal Palace Antiques and Modern is where we're headed.

Hello, there.

NICK: Hi.

AL: Hi.

Hello, chaps.

Good afternoon.

Nick.

Hiya.

JAMES: James.

NICK: How are you, James?

Good to meet you.

Oh, it's quite warm in here, isn't it?

Yes it is.

It's a warm day.

Nick, can you look after this?

I will look after that, yeah.

No problem at all.

AL: Right, what have we got here?

Brown stuff.

Brown stuff.

VO: Established for over 15 years there are over four floors for the fellas to explore.

I just love things that have, you know, that's heft.

And bottom, you know.

AL: Heft and bottom?

JAMES: That's got... You're a heft and bottom man?

Imagine that full of soft drinks.

Continental lagers.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A major ice bucket.

A major ice bucket.

But is it worth �110?

Is that how much?

Yeah.

110.

I think you could scrap it for that, couldn't you?

(LAUGHS) VO: While they weigh up their options, Paul and Natasha are making their way to East Molesey, just outside Greater London.

Uh-oh.

PAUL: Oh, it's the police.

I feel safer knowing the police are there.

I'm doing the horn.

The horn is here.

Don't toot the police.

Are you off your head?

Shall we see if we can get pulled over?

VO: Let's just get shopping you two.

We're going to try our luck in here.

All the fans are out here waiting.

It's so embarrassing.

There's just so much paparazzi.

I'm here.

I'm here.

VO: Paul's loaded with cash.

He's got 400 big ones.

You know me, yeah?

Yes, I do.

Big fans.

Big fans.

Now, this is Paul's first time antiquing.

So, we think we've come to the right place.

I'm looking forward to spending �2 or �3 in here.

(LAUGHS) Now, Valerie, don't get too excited about that.

Shall we go and have a look?

Yeah, let's have a look.

Come on.

This way.

VO: Paul's a newbie at this.

It'll be interesting to see what gets his juices going.

We've got this.

Do you remember Enter The Dragon... VAL: Yes, I do.

PAUL: ..with Bruce Lee?

Yeah.

He did have a nice smile, Bruce, didn't he?

Yeah.

"Han's tournament."

It's a good one, isn't it?

It is a good one.

Obviously this is more if you, if you like your opponent.

Yeah?

This is if you wanna scratch them.

Depends how you're feeling that day?

Exactly.

Have you ever used this in a fight?

No, not, not that one.

Other shopkeepers that come here and give you trouble?

VAL: No.

Not yet.

PAUL: Well, there you go.

I would buy that for yourself, if I were you.

I'll keep it behind the till.

Exactly.

Oh, Valerie help me.

Help me!

VO: Let's leave them be, shall we, and zip back to the boys in Crystal Palace.

So, here they are.

Victoria Cross gallery, eight prints, �68.

"Lieutenant Reginald C Hart, Royal Engineers".

You know, and it's these scenes of bravery.

They're rather exotic.

They're like an old lithograph, aren't they?

Yeah.

Who knows when they're from, but just as a set, I thought, you know, it's quite good value for money, eight prints for 68 quid, and they're themed.

And, you know, nostalgia for the British Empire.

These are basically propaganda.

And that's interesting in itself.

I think they're very nice.

Maybe we should put them aside, let's walk around, see if there's anything else.

Yeah, yeah.

And maybe en masse we might get a better discount.

OK. You're the expert, or at least that's what they told me when they called me.

VO: Ooh.

How's the other expert faring in East Molesey?

I like...

This won't work for me.

NATASHA: It won't work for you?

PAUL: No.

Not today, maybe.

But the weekend?

Maybe.

Right, now, do you drink champagne?

PAUL: No.

NATASHA: Do you drink at all?

Tap water.

So, these are really smart.

These are made by a Belgian glassmaker, called Val Saint-Lambert, which is I think valley Saint Lambert in Belgium.

So, a company that's still in existence.

But there's some weight to these.

This is crystal.

If you have a feel of that.

That's crystal.

That's lead crystal so there's some weight to that.

VO: Careful Paul!

Val Saint-Lambert were the official glassware suppliers to King Albert II.

All six cost �168.

I think these are beautiful things.

I just realize now, they're not for you, champagne glasses.

I don't mind you know.

I mean, if it gets me a lot of money then I'm buying it.

VO: The glasses are owned by dealer Dick.

He's not here.

So guess what's going to happen?

Ring ring.

PAUL: Dick?

ON PHONE: 'Hi.'

Let me just turn you up a bit.

How are you?

'Yeah, I'm fine.'

So, I'm looking at the Canenbez.

Not the cheese.

Val Saint-Lambert.

The Val Saint-Lambert.

They're very smart.

We know they have a full retail price of �168.

How about...?

Are you sitting down, Dick?

'No, I'm standing up at the moment.

'But go ahead anyway.'

�80.

'No, no, no, no.

'You need to be over 100 'and you need to have a 20 attached to it.'

�100.20.

(LAUGHS) 'Do you want three sets for �100?'

Dick, we are really grateful for the offer.

I genuinely feel again, it's slightly all the money.

However, to see at auction, a full set... We'll take 'em.

OK. Dick...

If we lose money on it... On my head be it.

You can pay me back.

Dick, I'm really grateful for that.

Thank you so much.

We're going to hand over �100 in cash to Val, ready for you to pick up tomorrow.

VO: That was exciting.

Six art deco crystal champagne coupes for �100.

Excellent work.

Oh, yes.

VO: Now, has Al decided to part with any of his �400 kitty?

So, this is probably made... Ooh... ..round the 1900s.

Yeah?

If it's intact, if you think of the skill that's gone into that.

Yeah?

It looks to me intact.

VO: A magazine rack, look.

This is a nice, solid oak thing revolves round.

It's on nice three legs, so it's always true.

And it's brass.

Part of the, part of the... Part of the brass family, the copper family.

Part of the copper.

It's rather cute, actually.

Isn't that good?

I would introduce that into my home at 85 quid.

That doesn't seem expensive.

Yeah?

For something that's lasted 100 years, what an amazing survivor.

It has suffered the rigors of youth.

Of use, not youth.

I think we've both suffered the rigors of... (LAUGHS) ..of youth.

Probably both.

(LAUGHS) VO: Yes, James!

Let's get dealer Nick over for the money chat.

This is where we do the hard-nosed stuff.

One is this one.

Yeah, OK?

And then the other one...

The series of Victoria Cross prints, eight prints of... OK, yes.

Yeah?

..of tales of derring-do.

Propaganda prints, I think they're really interesting.

So, the set of prints is �68.

So, if I make them 60 quid?

That's a nice round number.

Getting them for, what's that, �7.50 a piece, you know.

AL: Yeah, yeah.

NICK: That's pretty reasonable.

And this fella, what has this got �75?

85.

85 it's on at.

If I made it �75, and because it's dusty, I'll knock another fiver off.

I'll do it for 70 quid.

70 quid.

I think that's about as...

Aggregate, 130?

Yeah.

D'you think that's alright?

I think that's alright, isn't it?

Shake the man's hand.

Let's do it.

Lovely.

Thank you very much.

Cheers.

It feels so hard to part with this.

VO: �130 on the eight Victoria Cross prints and the Edwardian magazine stand.

Lovely.

VO: Great work chaps!

JAMES: It's like being on a magic carpet isn't it?

VO: A very expensive one.

I love antiques.

What are you into?

I like sports, martial arts.

As you can see, I'm a street fighter.

Oh, hold on, you don't just... You're not just a spectator?

You take part?

Well, more like car parks and caravan sites.

VO: Right you are!

VO: Well I hope you're in fine fettle because we've meandered to the town of Epsom.

VO: They've come to learn how a Victorian English gentleman, alarmed for his own safety, came up with a technique to defend himself against ruffians and bullies.

And someone still practicing this honorable mode of self-defense is martial arts expert Toby Manley.

Oh!

What have we stepped into?

(LAUGHS) Hello.

I like the style.

It's good.

Yeah.

I'm Toby.

Hi.

Natasha, Paul.

Nice to meet you.

Good to meet you.

What on earth did we just walk into there?

This is actually Bartitsu, a mixed martial art from the Victorian age, so it comprises of a little bit of jujitsu, a little bit kick-boxing, wrestling as well, and fencing.

VO: E W Barton-Wright was a martial arts maverick and founder of Baritsu or Bartitsu which was an amalgam of his name and jujitsu.

Get it?

He actually went to Japan, and he studied there.

I mean, it was quite a bit thing back then to go off and study an Eastern martial art, it's not really heard of.

He got hooked.

He got bitten by the bug.

VO: During the mid-19th century, Japan opened trade with the West for the first time in more than 200 years.

This inspired a fascination with Japanese culture.

For Barton-Wright it was martial arts.

He decided to actually come back here to imprint it into our society.

VO: Victorian London had grown into the biggest city in the world.

But street ruffians had become a serious problem.

Barton-Wright thought he had a solution.

He wanted to try and introduce a system that anyone could pick up and use.

VO: Barton-Wright aimed his hybrid martial art at the wealthy gentleman who could learn to use his personal accoutrements.

A cane like a sword, or overcoat as a defensive weapon.

He purposely devised it for people of wealth, so they do have all this sort of stuff on.

They do have, you know, they're walking round with nice, expensive jewelry.

PAUL: Pocket watches.

TOBY: Yeah, pocket watches.

So, how do you use a pocket watch in a fight, like?

If it's actually a proper one, how they've got it hooked in, they could rip it out and actually use it as like a...

It's like a slashing weapon, but it's not.

It would be like a bludgeoning weapon as such.

It would hurt you.

Get it right and it's great.

How did he go about practicing all this?

Was it in a gym?

He did take it to the streets.

PAUL: Street fights?

TOBY: Yeah.

People must have been amazed when he came at them with these moves.

Well, yeah, he was sitting down at a bar.

He would, he might see something kick-off and he'd actually go in there and actually start trying the stuff out.

And it was not particularly uncommon back in those days, because everything was mainly fisticuffs.

NATASHA: Was he a big man?

No, not really.

He was probably... Actually he was probably about your height.

Well, as you can see... Yeah, yeah.

I may be the reincarnation mate.

VO: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle employed the skills of Baritsu with the ultimate gentleman detective Sherlock Holmes.

After hurling Professor Moriarty over a cliff Holmes says, "I have some knowledge of Baritsu, "which has more than once been very useful to me."

Arthur Conan Doyle must have had some sort of form of training in it because he's quite specific in his books about what certain things were happening.

The misdirections, the use of the cane, the kicks.

He did actually immortalize it quite well.

VO: Conan Doyle wasn't the only one keen on Barton-Wright's methods of self defense.

He did actually start his own academy.

He did actually get it up and running.

He actually got it funded.

He got in magazines.

That was pretty good.

VO: But it wasn't to be.

It literally lasted three years.

As quickly as it opened, you could say, yeah, it did monumentally fail.

It really didn't because it got immortalized.

It got immortalized by Arthur Conan Doyle.

And also there's still people like us.

We're still learning it, and that's really the trick.

And I think that's... Yeah, I think that's what made him actually quite a good practitioner.

VO: I think our fellow fan of martial arts should have a taster.

Don't you?

We can get you suited up.

I can show you some stuff.

That looks, that looks good for you, Paul.

PAUL: Me?

NATASHA: Looks more your speed.

There you go, mate.

This is actually a normal attire that a gentleman would wear.

I know, I know.

I would.

So, do you wear this often?

Yeah, it's my style.

If someone's like saying they've got a knife, say "Give me your wallet, give me your money, "give me your watch" whatever it is that they wanted at the time, they would hand them the hat then they'd actually punch through the hat.

VO: Waste of a good hat!

(BELL RINGS) And stop.

There we go.

Right, so you're ready for it.

There.

TOBY: Now, there.

Good, grab.

NATASHA: Bring it down.

Forearm, forearm.

Oh, forearm.

There.

Knee.

TOBY: Head.

NATASHA: Discombobulate.

TOBY: Chest.

NATASHA: Chest.

(LAUGHS) Hey, that felt really good.

Are you OK, Paul?

Are you alright?

I mean, I know I've got some strength, but...

I think you'll be OK. NATASHA: Shall we leave him?

TOBY: Yeah.

Paul we're just going to erm...

I'll see you tomorrow?

Yeah?

OK.

Cool.

VO: Although Bartitsu was a fleeting fad, the literary prowess of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has preserved E W Barton-Wright's martial art for gentlemen within the pages of Sherlock Holmes forever.

Now what about new found best friends Al and James?

In the roller.

It's what we're here to do, isn't it?

We're here to play the giant roulette table that is antiques.

Yeah, that is.

Just think about it.

This is a living Monopoly board.

Just slightly more accessible units.

VO: If you say so.

They're destined for Battersea in southwest London.

The renowned Northcote Road Antiques Market is where they're bound.

Here we are.

This is the lovely thing about London, it's the parking, isn't it?

(LAUGHS) This is incident two of the London parking miracle.

We've found a space outside where we're trying to go.

VO: It is a miracle!

This looks promising.

In we hop.

Hello.

MAN: Hello, there.

AL: Hello there.

VO: Al has �270 to spend as he wishes.

There's been a big move into gong baths, hasn't there?

You cleanse... (GONG RINGS) ..yourself with sonic waves.

Speak for yourself.

VO: Now what's this little number?

Now, the copper family.

Copper family.

Look, look.

Just keeps growing, doesn't it?

Look at these, I mean these are... What are these?

French brass washbowl.

19th century, it says.

And this one's got this repair on it, which is rather, which is quite, I mean it's... An amateur did that, but it's rather lovely, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

Don't worry.

"Don't worry, darling, I'll have that fixed."

(LAUGHS) VO: Say that often, do you James?

I like this and it's not gonna clean us out.

Yeah?

It's cheaper than either of the other two items that we've bought.

Yeah.

45 squid.

Yeah.

Condition is normally all, but I think condition brings something to the party.

No, absolutely.

The repair's part of the attraction, yeah.

VO: What's Al found here then?

It says it's a silver pencil holder.

Silver pencil holder.

OK.

So, you want to find some hallmarks.

Have we got some hallmarks?

There's something... We've got some hallmarks there.

It's quite rubbed, isn't it?

Yeah, it's well worn, it's dented.

It looks as though it's got an engraved name on it.

Let's have a look at it.

And, always a good trick, huff on it.

And it highlights what you're looking at.

Yeah, there's the, the famous maker himself, Mr Sampson Mordan.

Great name.

So, he was a luxury goods maker.

And, ah... What, sort of like a Tiffany or something?

Like a Tiffany.

Quite clever.

It's a propelling pencil, a mechanical thing, but instead of fiddling around with leads, you know, thin, breakable leads, actually you unscrewed this and then you cut a pencil and popped it in.

It's very practical.

So, this could've actually suffered the rigors of being in the trenches.

Wow.

That's quite a thing.

It's clever isn't it?

VO: Sampson Mordan co-invented and first patented the mechanical pencil in 1822.

The price?

�35.

Yeah, it's nice.

Shall we go for that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why not.

OK. VO: Let's get down to business and find dealer Helen.

Helen.

You're clutching the goods, aren't you?

Yes.

We have some items.

Two items.

Start with the small one first, which is this pencil holder.

VO: �35.

We're happy to pay her that.

We're happy to pay, yeah.

Well, you know, you know.

We're gonna strike.

What an amazing...

I never thought I'd say, hear myself say that, but we are gonna pay the ticket price.

Yeah, we are, yeah.

Are you?

Well, he'll be thrilled.

This one is actually mine, so what can I do?

I can do...

Think small, madam.

HELEN: I'll do 30.

AL: Oh.

Are you reaching in?

AL: I'm reaching, yes.

HELEN: Oh.

JAMES: Reaching in.

AL: �30?

Done, sir.

And the ticket on that.

That's 35.

Thank you very much indeed, Helen.

HELEN: A pleasure.

JAMES: Really kind.

VO: And just like that the fellas have spent �65 on the Sampson Mordan pencil holder and the French brass washbowl.

Ooh-la-la!

Best of luck with them.

Thank you very much indeed.

Hope you do well.

Nice to meet you both.

Look at that.

Right, to the pub.

To the pub!

VO: The shopping is finito for today.

It's quite fun to spend all your money.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've no intention of having any left over.

Yeah.

Unless you know any good wine bars near where we are... JAMES: Well.

AL: ..buying antiques.

I think it's a real ale for you, and... (LAUGHS) And a real ale for me.

(LAUGHS) JAMES: All hail.

AL: To the ale.

All hail.

What I'll do with this car later?

Three point turns, handbrake turns.

All I care is that tomorrow, this car, full tank, that's fine.

It might be empty by then.

VO: Rest beckons for all of the gang.

Sleep tight.

VO: Good morning.

Our road tripper guests are on the road again.

How was your day yesterday, Paul?

PAUL: A good day, mate.

AL: Yeah?

Good day, yeah.

Got some stuff done.

Yeah, bought one thing.

AL: One thing?

PAUL: Something.

AL: One thing?

PAUL: I can't go into detail.

Just the one?

Yeah, it was, you know.

I'm a hustler and a negotiator.

AL: I bought four things.

PAUL: Four things?

AL: Four things.

PAUL: Four different things?

Four different things.

Hustled on the price.

So, come on, how was yesterday with Al Murray, the Al Murray?

All hail the ale.

Erm, yeah.

I hope there was none of that.

No, no, no, only fruit-based drinks for us.

It was fun.

He's entertaining.

Very interesting.

VO: Our antiques gurus await their students.

NATASHA: Oh, hello.

AL: Ahoy there.

JAMES: Ahoy there.

NATASHA: Morning.

AL: Morning.

Morning.

Morning, guvnor.

AL: How are you?

JAMES: Very good.

Guten morgen, how are you both?

Morning, very well.

You do realize that James now fancies himself a comedian?

He's now cracking jokes and thinks he's pretty good at it.

It's, it's like osmosis.

It's a work in progress.

No blazer, but scarf.

Do you like my Liberace?

PAUL: Nice.

NATASHA: Paul, get over here.

One should always have Hollywood amongst you.

Join me in the Aston.

How did you get on yesterday?

Did you buy anything?

Look at this.

One of six, one of six.

One of six.

JAMES: Look at that.

NATASHA: Steady.

Now, that, I must say that is... Nerve-wracking.

That is a glass.

And you bought six of these?

We did.

They're Belgian crystal.

They're beautiful.

I'm hoping art deco.

Art deco slash 1980s.

(LAUGHS) Oh.

Don't listen to him, don't listen to him.

That's bang out of order, mate, bang out of order.

They were marked up at just under 170.

We wanted 80.

It was 100.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good hustling.

They are the ying to our yang, aren't they?

We definitely have got a ying, yang thing going on here.

We bought four items.

How many are we going to get to see?

Just the one.

What do you think of that?

Look at that.

Look at that.

I like the repair more than I like the dish.

Well, it's from Normandy, right?

It's a washing bowl.

You put it in your fireplace, hence the smoke damage on the... Or not damage, the character.

Oh, yes, yeah.

Character of the fire, and then you'd wash your face in it, you know.

How much do you reckon?

I reckon you paid about a fiver for that.

Well, I mean, he's not far off.

He's not far off.

What?

It was so cheap?

Anyway, we'll keep you in suspense.

Hold on.

Do we add a zero to that?

How much, how much?

�30 for that.

Don't tell them.

Come on.

Oh well, they know now.

Don't tell them.

Come on.

Alright, we're off.

OK, bye.

Good luck.

VO: While they hit the road, here's a good old refresher of what else they bought.

As we know, the lot of art deco champagne coupes is Paul's one and only buy so far.

Hustler Paul has a huge �300 in his back pocket.

If it gets me a lot of money then I'm buying it.

VO: From his �400 Al also bought the Victorian Cross prints, the magazine stand and the Sampson Mordan pencil holder for �195.

Cleanse yourself with sonic waves.

Speak for yourself.

VO: Al has �205 to spend today.

After yesterday's shopping, would you be inspired to furnish your home with items from an antique shop?

I would, actually, but I've always been reluctant, because I thought the items might be haunted.

NATASHA: Haunted?

PAUL: Yeah.

Even something like a table?

Yeah, if you bring it in, you don't know what's happened on that table?

(NATASHA (LAUGHS) VO: Quite!

The village of Ashtead in Surrey is next on the hustler's hit list.

We're off to the Attic.

It's been here on the go for the last 30 years.

Here we go.

After you.

Go in, breathe it in.

VO: Now brace yourself.

I feel like when Michael Jackson was shopping around Harrods, and they just gave him the shop.

No other customers, look.

Obviously I'm not Michael Jackson.

I don't want to compare myself to Michael Jackson, but this is celebrity status.

VO: Only the best for you, Paul.

We have this lovely pot.

Nice.

Nice.

I think this is, by just looking at it, do you have any idea when this is, when this was made?

1905.

Bang on.

Absolutely bang on.

This is around the turn of the century.

It's arts and crafts, but, because this is from that era, and because this is made for the home, I would say it's probably for as-pi-dis-ra, I think is the name of the plant.

I think that's been made illegal now.

VO: (LAUGHS) Psst!

Natasha, it's aspi-dis-tra!

What if he came to us and said, "Oh, that has to be 30"?

What would you do there?

Give him 20.

OK. Well, let's see what happens, I think that's one in the bank.

Yeah.

VO: Not a single bit of stock is priced in here.

We'll hustle on prices later.

That's a nice tea holder.

Very smart, so hold on, what do we have here?

I think we have actually got... PAUL: A set... NATASHA: ..a coffee set.

Because we've got cream, sugar, coffee pot.

And we know it's coffee because the spout goes to the base, and of course coffee is strongest where the coffee, the ground coffee gathers.

So, the spout goes to the bottom.

This I believe to be hot water.

I think there must be a kind of a hunting element here, because lurchers and greyhounds, you know, they see their prey and just nothing will distract them.

They go... they go for it.

Just like us.

Just like us, looking for antiques.

E & Co, Elkington & Co, so this is a good maker.

VO: From the Ladies Singles' Trophy at Wimbledon to dining wares on the Titanic, Elkington & Co were one of the world's leading makers of silver and plate in the 19th century.

This is quite smart.

This adorned somebody's table who had a family crest.

You've actually got two markets here.

You've got the people who collect tea and coffee services and you've got dog lovers.

Dog lovers.

You've got people who like the hunt.

And coffee lovers.

What's floating our boat in here?

Do you like the as-pi-dis-ra planter?

Yeah.

As-pi-did-ris planter.

I don't know if I'm saying it correctly but I think it's as-pi-dis-ra.

VO: As-pi-dis-tra.

Oh dear.

This is a Princess Mary Christmas tin... PAUL: Is it?

NATASHA: ..from 1914.

Now Princess Mary, daughter of George V, who was on the throne during the First World War, sent these out.

Well, they were sent out in her name, as a gift to the men who were serving in the trenches and on the Front Line.

There would have been some tobacco in there, some cigarettes, some sweets and, although we have her here in relief, there would have been a photograph of Princess Mary as well.

I did clock a couple of Campaign medals.

So, you've got this medal here, a Campaign medal, then you've got the Civilisation medal, which again, everyone got for serving in the war.

That's nice.

But then we have this medal here, which makes up a trio.

And this is, if I remember correctly, it's a Great War Star medal.

OK?

It's 1914 to '15.

So this is before the war has ended.

VO: Right let's get Gary in... and chat money.

Alright, Gazza?

Yeah, I'm good, thanks.

PAUL: How you doing, son?

GARY: Very good, thank you.

What could be your kind of price for that?

�70.

As-pi-dis-ra?

Best price.

�40.

�40.

OK. And we're not done there.

Best price on medals and Christmas tin.

I'll just see what you've popped in here.

Campaign medals.

So, what do you reckon for a wee First World War job lot?

To be very sensible, �30.

�30.

OK, so, then, if we've got 30 plus 40 plus 70, that makes 140.

It wouldn't be right if we didn't do a wee bit of what Paul calls "hustling".

Negotiations.

The very, very best I can do is 120 for all the items as a lot.

Eh, let's go for it.

NATASHA: Let's go for it?

PAUL: Mm.

NATASHA: Are you shaking hands?

GARY: Super.

PAUL: Hustler.

You're a hard hustler as well, mate.

�120 cash.

Thank you very much indeed.

Pounds sterling.

GARY: Nice doing business.

PAUL: You too, Gazza.

NATASHA: That was great.

GARY: Thank you.

VO: There we have it, that epic buy means the aspidistra pot for �40, the coffee and tea set for 50 and the World War I medals and tin for 30.

They're certainly making up for lost time.

Thanks so much, Gary.

Thank you.

VO: Now, what about best buddies Al and James?

So, where are we going now?

You'll be excited about this - Sandhurst.

Really?

JAMES: Yeah.

AL: Oh, fantastic.

HQ.

And you're a keen military historian?

Well, I'm very, very interested in it, and we could be entering a zone in which I become extremely tedious and boring and go on about stuff in great, tedious detail.

So, brace yourself.

VO: We're aiming for Camberley at Sandhurst.

It's here that some of the world's finest soldiers have passed out as officers and it's all down to one man - Major John Le Marchant.

Al and James have come to Royal Military Academy Sandhurst to hear a truly remarkable story and how this establishment was almost nearly never built.

It's not every day you get to drive up to the front door.

No, it isn't, is it?

(THEY LAUGH) Right, look smart.

Right.

Yes.

I'm gonna tuck my shirt in.

Hello.

Hello, welcome to Sandhurst.

My name's Anthony Morton.

I'm the curator here of the Sandhurst Collection.

Lovely to meet you.

I'm Al, and this is James.

JAMES: Hello.

James.

ANTHONY: Hello, James.

VO: Before Sandhurst was built in 1812, a military college existed in Woolwich but only for artillery officers.

Now, these steps play a major part in Sandhurst tradition.

When you're a new cadet you get to come up these steps once, at the beginning of your time here.

After that, you're not allowed to walk up these steps until you pass out at your commissioning parade.

VO: Al and James are following in the footsteps of royalty and war heroes, such as Winston Churchill.

Now, I'm going to take you to what I consider to be the most historically important of our prestige rooms.

It's named the Marchant Room, after our great founder, General John Gaspard Le Marchant.

A dapper gentleman, isn't he?

Look at him.

Indeed, yes, of course.

He was a cavalryman, so naturally he's looking very gallant.

VO: Naturally.

Between the 17th and 19th centuries buying a commissioned officer rank in the British Army was commonplace.

The most junior being an ensign.

Le Marchant's father had to buy his son a commission.

He bought him an ensign's commission.

He then later transferred it into the cavalry.

Your commission was more than a piece of paper.

It was actually a commodity that you could buy and sell.

VO: Le Marchant became one of the finest cavalry commanders of his generation.

Not only was he a great leader of men, he was also creating weaponry to best aid armed combat in the field.

He'd realized that the standard light cavalry sword in use prior to the revolutionary and Napoleonic wars, wasn't as good as some of our allies, such as the Austrians, for example.

And so, he said, "Right, I'm going to give British cavalry "a much better weapon," and I'm able to show you one.

Wow.

So, literally cutting edge technology?

Literally, yes.

That's right, yes, yes.

The previous cavalry sword was straight.

Lighter than this, not very aerodynamic, not very well balanced.

See how the blade is curved?

It's heavier.

It's much more lethal than the previous sword.

AL: Can we pick it up?

ANTHONY: You're welcome, Al.

Please do pick it up, give it a feel.

I mean, it's still quite light.

It's lighter than a heavy cavalry saber, that's true, but it's still more of a chopper, dare I say it.

If you missed your opponent's torso, which is of course, you know, where all your vital organs are, and you struck a limb, a leg or an arm of an enemy soldier with that sword, it's gonna go right through and cut the limb off.

So your opponent is going to die of shock... Goodness me!

..very soon after.

The previous sword would not have done that.

It would've simply gashed the arm or the leg, and the enemy would probably still be in combat.

So, very, very effective.

VO: While some, like Le Marchant, proved their excellent military prowess on and off the battle fields, others were not natural leaders and were costing the British Army dear in conflict.

He realized, after a particularly disastrous campaign in 1794, known as the Flanders Campaign, when we sadly failed to save the Dutch Republic from invasion by the French revolutionary armies, Le Marchant realized that one of the big problems that we faced there was a lack of competence of our young officers.

Not the old ones that had plenty of time to learn the trade.

These young men, as replacements, knew nothing about soldiering.

And Le Marchant basically said after that campaign the only way the British Army is gonna save itself from another disaster like that is if we start training our officers before they become officers.

VO: And thus the military academy that would become Sandhurst was born.

Building what became Sandhurst was going to cost an awful lot of taxpayers' money.

The government very reluctant to part with that money.

Le Marchant had two great advantages.

He had the patronage of the Duke Of York...

The grand old Duke Of York who, by the way, was far more competent than the nursery rhyme would suggest.

Yeah?

And, even better, he had the support of King George III himself.

It was because he had the support of the two most powerful men in the nation at that time that the government in the end had to yield to pressure and release the funds so that Sandhurst could be built.

VO: In 1802 the Royal Military College opened in rented accommodation in Marlow while Sandhurst was being built.

Le Marchant was the first ever Lieutenant Governor of the college.

In 1812, the same year that Sandhurst was completed, Wellington won his tremendous victory, possibly his greatest tactical victory, at the battle of Salamanca.

Le Marchant was instrumental in Wellington winning that victory, but sadly, this very brave officer died in a magnificent cavalry charge, while destroying two French infantry divisions.

He never saw his dream come true in bricks and mortar.

He never saw his dreamed of college actually complete.

Gosh.

Oh, what a... sad denial, isn't it?

But what a story.

VO: Le Marchant was responsible for a sea change in officer training within the British Army.

Great soldiers need great officers.

Less than 15 years after the college opened the British Army defeated Napoleon at Waterloo, arguably the most famous military victory of all time.

Now how about we put Al through his paces?

Go on, Al.

Go on!

Argh!

(BLEEP) (LAUGHS) Where are the antiques?!

I was promised antiques!

(GROANS) VO: Well done, Al.

(CHUCKLES) Now, what are Paul and Natasha up to?

So, give me an example of one of your voices.

AS BRUCE FORSYTH: Nice to see you to see you nice.

Good game, good game.

VO: Pretty good.

Our twosome have made their way to Kingston-upon-Thames in southwest London.

Kingston Antiques Centre is where they're headed.

Right, the hope is that in here we're gonna find something ace and amazing.

PAUL: Nice place.

NATASHA: After you.

VO: There are over 125 dealers selling their delights in here.

Paul has �180 left.

I really want to find something that's just perfect for you.

Wait a minute.

Two of my inspirations right here.

Laurel and Hardy?

The reason I do stand up comedy.

These two kind of inspired me to be where I am today from their show.

I'm amazed to hear that.

So, you're into the kind of farcical side of comedy as well?

They were masters at their craft.

I grew up to these two guys.

Did you?

The gods of comedy.

VO: Talking of gods of comedy, here come Al Murray and his side-kick, James Braxton.

Why don't we just blow the money on tattoos?

I know, what, what would you have done?

I love antiques or something?

(LAUGHS) Is that what you have James?

But where?

And look out they're all sharing a shop.

He promised me antiques.

I end up crawling under barbed wire with angry soldiers shouting at me.

VO: They're best chums really.

Al has just over �200 to splurge.

They're gorgeous, aren't they?

Yeah.

I mean, they're a really classy drinking glass.

They're classy, and that's the Greek key.

So, you've got a Greek key band.

Yeah.

And then you've got stars.

Stars in their eyes.

Well, I tell you what, after a couple of those, you might.

They're beau...

I think...

I mean, you know.

Sexy pair of glasses.

You missed my punchline.

(LAUGHS) I heard your punchline, but sometimes, sometimes... You dismissed it.

Sometimes the thing to do is let them go for nothing.

(LAUGHS) Not even, not even put them out of their misery.

(LAUGHS) VO: You tell him, Al.

You know, it is quite interesting.

It's sort of like a mini... Oh, hello.

PAUL: Hi.

Carry on.

NATASHA: Hi.

Don't mind me.

Would you like to come in... No, I'm just a fly on the wall.

What shoe size are you, Al?

AL: I'm a 10.

NATASHA: You're a 10?

It's nice and big, isn't it?

Hi, James.

What shoe size are you?

A nine.

Dancing feet.

A nine?

Oh, they're getting smaller.

VO: I'm a nine too, Tasha!

What do you think of these clogs, James?

Er, they leave me slightly cold.

VO: Or wooden.

(LAUGHS) Now that we know all the fellas' shoe size, has Natasha finally struck gold?

Or brass?

This duck, OK.

It's super cool.

That's very nice.

According to the label, it's an incense burner.

If this were of real quality it would be bronze.

It would be enameled in polychrome, and it would cost, probably �1,000.

PAUL: Mm.

NATASHA: But it's not.

It's a 20th century brass homage to the fine duck censers of the early Meiji period.

VO: In Ancient Asian culture an incense burner in the shape of a mandarin duck would be a symbol of everlasting love because they mate for life.

The question is, are you into a more modern early 20th century... Yeah?

Duck incense burner?

Yep.

Do you burn incense at home?

No.

NATASHA: Do you light a candle?

PAUL: No.

VO: Right.

On we go.

So, this is as cool as I hoped it would be.

That's nice.

Very nice.

Turn the duck's head.

PAUL: Yeah.

NATASHA: Lift the duck's wings.

Inside, space for your block of incense.

And you've got space for any ephemera, I guess, to store your incense.

Put your jewelry in there, innit?

You could put anything in there.

I think it's super cute.

I didn't realize it was going to be so multifaceted.

Well, I think we should make them an offer on this.

VO: It's �65.

Dealer Matthew brace yourself.

We're bringing you a duck.

Give me best price.

The dealer's put on his ticket that we can take �5 off.

That'd take it to �60.

Oh, no!

That was not our hope and dream.

It really wasn't, for a chance at auction, was it?

The dealer, you spoke to the dealer?

I haven't spoken to him, so I could give him a call and see.

What's his name?

Barry.

Bazza?

Bazza.

VO: Uh-oh you know what that means!

Be cool.

40.

40.

How're you doing, Bazza?

ON PHONE: 'Not bad.'

Good to talk to you mate.

You've heard of me, yeah?

Never heard of me.

We've got this incense burner duck.

You've got it down for... (WHISPERS) �65.

65.

50 is the best you can take on it?

D'you reckon you could take 40 on it, mate?

'45 cash.'

45, cash.

Kind of meeting in the middle.

Done.

I think we should say thank you.

Yeah.

Nice one, mate.

Thank you.

VO: What a smooth operator, Paul.

Thank you very much.

We're done.

Nice to see you.

Take care.

PAUL: To see you nice.

MATTHEW: Bye bye.

VO: �45 for the brass duck incense burner.

Now, what about the other pair?

After a mooch Al and James have also decided on a silver cigarette case.

I feel like the sort of two of the Magi coming with our, with our special gifts.

Gifts from the east.

We've got 69 here.

Silver cigarette case.

85 for this pair of glasses.

A perfect size for today, aren't they?

Oh, yeah, at the end of a long day like today.

Well, you know, as a landlord.

Is that a 175 or a 250?

Eh, we don't do milliliters, mate.

You don't do milliliters.

Only fluid ounces, thank you.

(LAUGHS) No metric.

And then this...

It's a cigarette case.

It's very art deco in style.

That lettering is very art deco.

It's got the most incredible hinge, disappears.

Sort of piano hinge.

A sort of magic hinge there.

Top quality.

Birmingham.

Birmingham producing most of the arms for the world, most of the jewelry, most of the silver.

Put your hand out.

Lovely weight.

Oh, feel the... feel the weight.

Lovely weight.

Anyway, 1940.

VO: Right, let's try for a deal with Matthew.

He has a generous, open face.

JAMES: Don't you think so?

AL: Mm.

Normally that would be 10%, so we'd look at 60, but... we could be probably nudge it to 55.

55?

55.

Ooh.

Get you.

We have to do something pretty dramatic on those.

Yeah, erm, we could probably go down to 70 on those.

I like these cuz they're pretty.

You like this cuz you've an idea of what the darn thing actually is.

That sounds to me like a moment where I must bow to your expertize.

Then, if it crashes and burns, I'm looking pretty silly.

Well, that's on you then.

That's what I'm doing, I'm passing the buck.

Are you?

Yeah, I'm washing my hands of this decision.

VO: With the glasses spurned, it's all on the cigarette case.

50.

Yeah, �50 and er... Yeah.

Get the money out, landlord.

JAMES: Get the money out.

MATTHEW: Quickly.

Quick.

I feel he's weakening.

Come on, sir.

Thank you.

Wow, boom, brilliant, OK. We should've gone to 45.

(LAUGHS) There you go, there's 60 British pounds.

MATTHEW: Lovely, thank you.

JAMES: 60 lovely British pounds.

I think he's going to give you six euros back in change.

That many, eh?

VO: 50 whole pounds for the silver cigarette case.

The shopping is now done and dusted.

It's not the taking part that counts, it's the winning.

Is that right?

Is that what you were taught?

Yeah.

If this is what the antiques business is like, driving around in a Rolls Royce convertible, on a beautiful, sunny day, then count me in.

Yeah.

But if we lose a load of money you won't see me again.

Really?

VO: The pressure is on James!

Better get some sleep.

VO: Sweet dreams.

VO: Auction day is here.

VO: The Buckinghamshire village of Bourne End is our final destination.

So, who's gonna win, Paul?

It's a tough call, mate.

I literally don't know.

But I think I'm gonna win.

You gotta go at it like that.

Eat my antique dust.

Yeah.

VO: Ha-ha.

Today's sale is at Bourne End Auction Rooms.

NATASHA: Morning.

PAUL: Hello.

Oh, Paul got to drive the Roller.

Thanks, driver.

Handles well, doesn't it?

PAUL: Really well, yeah.

NATASHA: Good morning.

JAMES: Morning, partner.

AL: Morning, chief.

Good morning.

Yeah, we're shaking hands now.

Morning.

Will we be shaking hands later?

Come on, get inside.

No...

They'll be alright.

They're going to lose hard.

VO: That's the spirit!

VO: Paul and Natasha have spent �265 on five lots, including that aspidistra pot.

I've given you a couple of guidelines over the last couple of days.

Could you please appraise it for me?

Well, it's reassuringly heavy.

Excellent.

Weight denotes quality.

Tick, tick.

VO: Al and James also have five lots.

They spent �245, including the brass magazine stand.

That's interesting, isn't it?

James and Al paid �70 for this.

That's steep for that.

Mm, I think it's very much a retail price.

At auction, do you have a prediction?

40 quid, if they're lucky.

I think we're on the same page there.

Oh...

I get that, it's a magazine.

See what I did there!

VO: Auctioneer Simon Brown is in command today.

Go on, spill the beans.

(GAVEL) Six champagne coupes, they're nice, but a little boring.

Not everybody's cup of tea.

Might make �25 to �30.

The washbowl, continental, good quality, nice early repairs.

An interesting decorator's piece.

VO: We've bidders aplenty, in the room, on the phone and online.

Get comfy, the auction is about to start.

(GAVEL) How exciting.

Right.

Here we go.

Feeling really confident.

VO: Al's Victoria Cross prints are first to go.

�30 please, for this lot?

30 I'm bid.

Got you at 30 online.

32, 35, 35 online.

Selling at 35.

Are we all done at 35?

Selling at 35.

Are we all done now?

35 now.

Told you.

(GAVEL) Oh, he doesn't hang about.

VO: He certainly doesn't.

Don't worry, Al, things can only get better.

The only way is up.

Surely you've been to an auction before.

Very often the only way is down.

(LAUGH) VO: It doesn't have to be, James.

Right we're putting on The Ritz with Paul's champagne coupes.

�20 please for this?

AUCTIONEER: 20 I'm bid.

AL: Oh.

22, 25, 27, 30.

30 now.

Come on, come on.

32, 35, 37, 40...

These are designer.

45, 45, got you at 50.

55... Well done.

60, 65, we're out.

Come on.

60, now, got you at 60.

Are we all done at 60 now?

Yours at 60.

Are we all done at �60, now, thank you.

No... (GAVEL) You lost more on those than we did on the prints.

OK, thanks.

VO: Nothing like rubbing it in, Al.

D'you know, we took a risk.

What can we say?

It didn't pay off.

VO: From the copper family we have Al's brass washbowl next.

Start me at �30, please, for this lot?

20 then to start, 20 I'm bid.

Got you at 20.

Yours at 20, are we all done?

Selling at 20.

You're kidding.

Oh, no.

It's moving.

25, 25, 27, 27 in the room.

At 27 now.

Looking for 30.

27 to the room.

Selling at 27.

Are we all done at 27, to the room?

Got you at 27.

Hey, chin up, mate, chin up.

Selling at 27.

Are we all done?

Thank you.

Hollow words.

20... 27.

VO: Well, never mind, Al, plenty of time to make some profits.

See, I said 35, it went 27.

I was wrong here.

VO: Next Paul's offering.

The World War I Christmas tin and medals.

�20 please for those?

20 I'm bid.

22, 25, 27, 27, 30, 32, 35, 37 to the room.

37, looking for 40 online.

40, still in the room.

40, 42, 45, 45, 47, 47, 50.

Unbelievable.

50, 55, 60, 60 to the room.

Got you at 60.

Are we all done, at �60, now, to the room.

Thank you.

Selling at 60.

Are we all done?

NATASHA: See.

AL: Unbelievable.

Well done.

NATASHA: See.

AL: Well done.

VO: And that nice little earner places you in the lead, Paul.

They're drawing away, mate.

Yeah, they are, aren't they?

They're drawing away.

VO: Will the bidders love Al's silver cigarette case?

�20 please, for this?

20 I'm bid.

Got you at 20, yours at 20.

Are we all done at 20?

22, 25, 27, 30, 32?

�30, now.

Selling at 30.

Are we all done at 30?

You're kidding.

Got you at 30, online.

Are we all done at 30?

Yours at 30 now.

Are we all done?

Thank you.

Bring it home.

We probably... Well.

(LAUGHS) VO: Laughter's a great healer, they say, chaps.

Oh.

I'm disappointed for you, Al.

This is your first ever auction and you've taken a bit of a hit.

VO: What of Paul's brass duck incense burner?

�20, please, for this lot.

No?

�10 then to start?

Interesting piece.

10 I'm bid.

Got you at 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22, 25.

25 to the room.

25.

Are you all done at �25 now?

Got you at 25.

Are you all done at 25.

NATASHA: That's a shame.

JAMES: 25, that's not bad.

I feel your pain.

At �25 now to the room.

Are we all done at �25 now?

(GAVEL) AL: Quack, quack, oops.

PAUL: The golden duck.

Yeah, it wasn't quite the golden duck.

VO: Mustn't grumble, Paul, you're still in the lead.

Just.

We gave you that one.

That was a very nice gesture.

VO: Next we have Al's Sampson Mordan silver pencil holder.

Start me at �20, please, for this.

20 I'm bid.

At 22, 25, 25, 27, at 27, 30.

Yours at 32.

Suddenly, suddenly...

I have 35.

At 35, are we all done?

At �35 now.

35, looking for 37.

35 I'm bid, selling at 35.

Are we all out in the room?

Come on!

35.

Got you at 35.

Are we all done?

Thank you.

NATASHA: 35.

AL: Oh, man.

JAMES: 35.

Broke even.

VO: Correct.

It's not over yet, Al.

We've taken something from retail to market and we're making the same price.

VO: Next it's Paul's tea and coffee set.

�30 please?

30 I'm bid.

Oh, come on.

32, 35, 37, 37.

That's in the room.

42, 45, 45 online.

Surely.

42 to the room.

45 online.

47, 50, thank you.

50.

55, 60.

Yes!

Here we go, here we go.

65, 70.

75?

80?

85?

90?

95, 100.

110?

100 in the room.

Got you at 100.

At �100, now.

Selling at 100.

Are we all done?

Thank you.

(GAVEL) PAUL: Ooh.

JAMES: Well done.

Get in.

VO: It's profits aplenty from Paul.

Great result.

How does that feel?

Good.

VO: This is Al's last lot and last chance to make a profit.

�50, please?

50 now, I've got you.

50, 55 with the saleroom.

60, 65, 70, 75, 80.

Yours at 80.

Are we all done at 80?

Got you at 80.

Are we all done?

At �80 now, selling at 80.

Yours at 80.

Are we all done at �80 now?

Thank you.

(GAVEL) Oh, nice.

AL: We made money.

NATASHA: Well done.

VO: Better late than never, Al.

Excellent news.

Well, I'm feeling pretty good now.

VO: It's the last lot of the day, Paul and Tasha's aspidistra pot.

If you had that at home, Paul, what would you do with it?

Have a bath in it.

(LAUGHS) �50 please?

We're in, 50 I'm bid.

55, 60, 65, 70, AUCTIONEER: 75, 80... NATASHA: We paid 40.

85, 90.

Got you at 90 now.

Are we all done?

At �90 now.

Yours at 90.

Going again, 95, 100.

100, 110.

120, looking for 120 now.

Wow.

110 I'm bid.

Got you at 110.

Are we all done at 110?

Come on.

At 120 now online?

Selling at 110.

Are we all done at 110?

Got you at �110.

Amazing.

(GAVEL) Fist pump for that.

Come on.

JAMES: That is very good.

AL: Well done.

VO: What a way to end, eh?

Incredible profit, Paul.

Shall we head outside?

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

VO: Time for a bit of mathematics.

VO: From �400 Al and James, after all auction costs, made a loss of �75.26 Their final figure is... �324.74.

VO: Paul and Natasha started with the same sum and after all saleroom costs, made a profit.

So well done.

They made a final figure of �426.10 making them today's jubilant winners.

All profits go to Children In Need.

Paul, it's been such a pleasure.

Thank you so much.

We should do more business together, you and me.

We should, we should, I'll call you.

More business.

Al, I'll call you, right?

Yeah, please, yeah.

JAMES: Partner.

AL: Thanks, James.

Partners.

Stay with it, stay with it.

Keep smiling, mate.

There you are, there's your...

It's always a pleasure to meet an expert.

(LAUGHS) I'll see you soon, Natasha.

James, if you wanna make some money, give me a call.

Yeah, alright, alright.

Alright.

NATASHA: �26 and... JAMES: Beginners luck.

NATASHA: He's the don.

JAMES: I know, he is the don.

PAUL: See you later, James.

JAMES: Bye.

Bye, you two.

Bye.

Keep smiling, Al.

I mean, look at the scenery.

It's like Thelma And Louise.

Well, we drove my items off a cliff, that's certainly true.

That's the metaphor I'm trying to get at.

(LAUGHS) Should have just chucked 'em.

VO: (LAUGHS) Bye bye fellas!

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