Austin PBS Greenlights

It's like my hands are not [upbeat instrumental music] in the conversation, but they're in the conversation.

[upbeat instrumental music] Yep.

[upbeat instrumental music] Just show you a little bit The kid inside you has no limits so don't expect that kid to give you any limits.

[nerd laugh] And I said, I think there's a color yellow for everyone.

That's a good reply.

[bashful giggle] You are the Bob, Bob, Bob Ross of painting.

Like.

[gleeful embarrassed laughter] That is the perfect reply.

This will be the first time I'd tell anybody.

What gave you the strength to find and tell someone?

Getting tired of being scared.

Yeah.

[upbeat instrumental music] High Light [bass bow rift, mouth pops] Human Light [cartoon wobble] [ascending boom, cartoon ascendi Hi.

I'm Jen, and I am an abstract portrait painter.

Today I'll be painting Parker.

Parker, Whenever you're ready, if you ca tell us a little bit about yours And Ill get started.

Um.

My name is DeLarge Parker III.

You could call me Delarge if you want.

I'm from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and I'm a newly found actor and model.

Heck yeah.

I love that.

What were you doing before you were those awesome professions?

I was a chef.

No way.

Wow.

You're just, like, getting to live all the dreams.

Actually, yeah.

I recently retired from, cooking last year.

Dietary manager for a nursing home.

That was my dream.

Okay, I got to do that.

I got to see people who needed health changes.

Lose weight, get better.

Dieting and, eating habits.

Or I got to make a big party for somebody that deserved it so much.

Wow.

So it was.

It was.

Yeah.

I got I got to live a dream.

That's amazing.

What gave you the acting bug?

I always had it.

It's just that I never looked at it realistically.

But being a chef was realistic.

Yes.

Yes, because it was the easiest thing I could ever do in life.

Wow.

Because my family, being from Louisiana, they.

I'm like a third generation chef.

Oh.

Wow.

My grandfather, owned a, nightclub, and he cooked in it and bartendered while he was, bl What?

Yeah.

Wow.

[laughter] That's amazing.

Wow.

So much amazing stuff.

So, do you have a dream role that you're aspiring to play?

It's Charlie Chaplin, The Great But I want to see if I can play a new age ... Chaplin?

Chaplin.

[silence] It's the ultimate goal.

It is ri He is the.

[laughter] My experience in the world is that the best forms of communication are often nonverbal.

Yes.

So I, you know, we are experiences.

And if that's my experience, then like, that's what I need to honor.

Right.

[laughter] We are experiences like that.

Oh.

Thank you.

Wow.

You tend to forget that sometimes.

We are the - an - experience, no we are experiencing.

Yeah.

That's beautiful.

Wow.

[sock hop style instrumental mus When you're feeling down, what do you do to help yourself feel better?

[laughter] Oh, yeah.

I'm a social - - worm.

[laughter] A social worm?

Yes.

I'm a social.

Caterpillar.

Okay.

Oh.

I don't need the attention.

Yeah.

I don't I don't like so much attention.

So I like to dress up.

I'm talking about from head to toe clean.

Everything at night.

And.. Go hang out with myself.

Y Oh, I love that.

I like to go.

Probably have go to a Waffle House and go eat by myself at three in the morning.

Yes.

Or go just do do my errands.

I do my laundry at like 2 - 2 a.m.

in the morning.

So - Yeah.

- it gives me time of just think.

I don't have to be bombarded by different elements of family questions.

Phone.

Yeah.

And I love when Im dressed looking really good at night.

Yeah.

You're like four in the morning with nobody around.

Because when somebody sees you and they finally do see you, it's like, okay, [laughter] Maybe I'm outta place and he's supposed to be here.

[ha-ha-ha laughter] And they don't talk to you because, nobody's looking like that at four in the morning.

[barely audible sighing laugh] The English major in me wants to fulfill this caterpillar metaphor.

Does this, like, do you does this, like, cocoon you and help you change it into a butterfly or anything like that?

I'm a butterfly.

When I have to perform.

Okay.

I love to be the caterpillar, though.

I like to go back home in a cocoon.

Yeah.

Get under the blanket.

[sheepish laugh] Yeah.

And just do everything on my computer from the bed.

[silly laughter] Okay, I hear that.

[RnB 124bpm loop sped up] Five months ago, my father passed, and my father was my absolute best friend.

My my me.

[sympathetic listening groan] And I did everything but good in life because I saw him as the, the, the prime perfect person.

[I feel that listening groan] Like he sacrificed everything not just for his immediate family but for everyone.

And it never bothered him that it, it took away from him and never once just pushed him back.

He never complained.

Wow.

And just that right there is like I have to honor that in some type of way.

So dealing with his death.

Hmm.

I couldnt do anything that made me feel better.

I would cry for the first 3 or 4 months, just anybody to speak about him.

And I find myself carving with wood.

Hmm.

Go in the back yard and with some wrenches on the floor, on the ground and I would just pick them up, bring him in and start shaving them.

Made me think of, oh, I can do a little pipe for my friend.

That's something.

Hm.

Eventually turned into me go into my friend each friend's house.

Cutting a circular coin like this.

Putting a blessing on it.

Talking to them.

Putting colors and making a chip.

A good luck.

I'm happy chip.

Oo.

So if you wanted to remember anything or if you wanted to get out of a slump mood, you pick it up and you talk about it.

Wow, I love that.

And I'm going to make one for you today.

Thats very exciting.

This wood comes from my tree in my back yard.

So it's personal.

Wow.

I love that I love the trees in New New Braunfels.

Oh.

I've been I went down there to get my license during Covid.

And oh, man, because of that river, all the trees are so lush.

Nourished.

And they're like, they even have those trees that are kind of like droopy, you know.

Oh, yeah.

[agreement laughter] Oh, wow.

It's beautiful.

There is like, one of the most beautiful places in Texas.

Yeah, it really is.

[RnB 124bpm loop sped up] Mostly for me being aggravated or angry because of his death.

That is because I don't feel like I can ever be as close to as good of a person as he was.

Hmm.

And my family tell me not to be trying to be like him, but be yourself.

Yeah.

But when you know him like you don't want to be anybody else.

Hmm.

You don't want to be, I remember seeing my father as the noble man, not just the big man but the noble man.

In Baton Roug where Im from its highly one of the most violent cities in the country.

Wow.

In the top ten.

And we're living in that conditions.

You learn how to maneuver between hearts.

Hard characteristics.

And my father never had to change in any environment he went in.

Aw.

He never like - We have a thing called switching codes or talking correctly and a back and forth.

But he would never change for any situation, anything.

He fit in everything.

I love that.

And he never talked much.

But when he did, he was joking.

[laughing, nerd laughing] Wow.

And that's another life goal to always be your authentic self.

Yes.

So I got into acting for running after a dream that Chadwick Boseman said I could.

Yes.

So on his deathbed, I got to tell my father that I went back to school and I'm going for acting.

And to see him cry in tears.

Man.

Yeah.

Thats everything to me.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that.

No problem.

[Happy Dance instrumental disco What's the color that you.

Like.

Oh yellow.

I've always loved yellow.

Like from the time.

As long as I can remember I've loved yellow.

And by the time I was 12, it was like my thing.

Oh, Jenny has yellow shoes.

Jenny has yellow sweats.

You know, all that kind of stuff.

Yellow is significant to me because it's the first color that my son would express.

Mmm.

As yewhoa.

Awe yeah.

So he says oh, yewhoa.

Yewhoa.

And it's stuck with me and my best friend because it's so adorable when he says it.

We refuse to say yellow anymore.

Its either yewhoa.

Yeah.

Or it's not.

Yes.

[giggle, ha-ha-ha laughter] I love that.

Yeah.

My I had an acting teacher once ask me, what do you think of people who don't like to wear the color yellow?

And I said, I think there's a color yellow for everyone.

That's a good reply.

[bashful giggle] You are the Bob, Bob, Bob Ross of painting.

Like.

[gleeful embarrassed laughter] That is the perfect reply.

[gratitude laughter] Well, everybody sitting over here is saying, well, they can they can get their own color and shove it.

You like.

No, no, we got many colors of yellow that - its for everyb I. Like that.

[communal laughter] Thank you.

I like royal blue.

Just lineage of the royalty the the royal purples, the what they stand for the majestic, the the noble.

Yeah.

Protectors.

Consultants.

I end up learning that true roya were was not royal at all.

The royal ones were picked by the townspeople from naturally, because they were the people that knew things and knew how to handle situations and knew how to delegate between other towns, cities or whatever.

And they, the people of the town would gather together and they would they would promote this person to be the head, the king, the, chief.

Not because they were anything great.

They were great to them.

They knew how to take care of the family.

Ooh.

So - I love that.

They would bring riches to the k for that, for his, for taking care of them.

[upbeat instrumental music sped People back home don't wave at strangers, okay?

You don't wave at strangers.

So I come out here and I'm reserved because where I'm from and just random, this guy that standing 15ft over here, that's watching his son play.

Yeah.

Waves.

And Im like... H-hi.

[laughter] And I look back and he's standing next to me and startin Oh.

Hey, Jimmy.

[nerd laugh] Ummm.

Parker.

Nice to meet you.

[ha-ha-ha giggle] And in my head, I'm automatically thinking, what does this guy want?

What is he going to hit me with?

Are you selling something?

Exactly right.

Like, I don't have any money.

[laughter] No?

I'm already preparing.

We don't want any drugs, thank y [laughter] And halfway through the conversation, I. I'm.

I get to the conclusion: This guy is really just talking.

Yeah.

[laughter] Why?

[upbeat electrical-guitar-lead m You find yourself on interviews or, on a show.

as I am, you find yourself quest what you're about to say.

Is it is it is it going to come across understandable?

Mm.

Or is it going to come across - should I just push that to the side When dealing with mental health?

Very touchy subjects of course.

Right, Right.

Right.

But, I, I deal with, mental things myself as a regular person.

I think every human being on this earth does.

Absolutely.

If you do.

[laughter, nerd laughter] Yeah.

So, one challenging, by far the most challenging thing is dealing with what, in my time, I call a we we label MPD.

MPD.

They call it D-I-D now.

Okay.

There's multiple personality disorder or dissociative disorder or somethi like that.

Ok.

That's new.

It's hard to think about and kind of grasp fully for like, for to to look at a person and say, okay, you have multiple personality traits.

Some people have slight multiple personality traits.

And we could probably label them - It's when you are happy and drastically switch so quickly - Oh bipolar?

Bipolar.

Yes.

Bipolar.

And and you don't know why, but Right.

Well, this is not the case.

Okay.

You know specifically why?

Okay.

Every single time.

And you I have parts of me that disagree with each other.

Okay?

But they coexist.

Okay?

Parts of me like writing music.

Okay.

A big part.

Like at least three quarters.

Okay.

But when my father passed music didn't help.

Music did not soothe it.

It just brought more pain.

Okay.

And since I didn't have music for the first time in my life, or poetry which is going to just exaggerate what I'm feeling even more, I found myself not being able to do anything.

I found myself being so mixed up, so unorganized... Mmm.

And every time I would move from one room to another, I would grab things like I wouldn't, I would never come back like.

Oh But it was parts of me that wanted to do these things, but they didn't know how long they had to do it.

They didn't know if, they were going to get to do it.

Or so they pick up all the things that they can do to be happy.

Okay.

And carry it to the next room.

And that was me for the first three months.

Wow.

And I'm carrying all my all, all the things I want in my life to the next room, to the next room, to the next room.

Wow.

Were you just, like, moving your whole house from room to room?

Yes.

Wow.

Yes.

That's a lot.

It is, it is.

I am on the fourth medication to get a little step.

Okay.

And did this just manifest after your dad died?

No.

It's been there since my first marriage.

How long ago was that?

Over two years.

Wow.

Wow.

I other than my immediate friends or my wife.

This would be the first time I'd tell anybody.

Okay.

About it.

And mostly because my best friend, she.

She helps me.

She know she makes me.

Makes me remember that it's not embarrassing if it's real.

That's right.

Well, that's a lie.

[self depricating laughter] It's embarrassing still.

[laugh] Sure.

But it shouldn't be.

It shouldn't be.

And I'm getting to that point where I'm not judging myself so hard for being what I consider broken.

Mmm.

You're not.

I'm learning that.

Okay.

I'm, I'm learning that through not having my father.

Ok.

Which is not, not something I expect.

[sad laugh] [Happy Dance instrumental disco I was pulled over at the age of 16, 17 in the middle of the night, walking home from a friend's house, [disgusted sigh] and they told me to get in the c Ah man.

And I thought they were going to give me a ride home.

These are cops.

Yeah.

Well, they, they beat me up.

Oh And they, pushed me out into the Oh, my gosh.

And, I, finally woke up, like, almost that morning and walked the rest of the way.

I never, it took me - 12 years to tell anybody about that situation because I was terrified.

Yeah.

Because they were cops.

Yeah.

If I told somebody, they would tell the cops.

Right.

I'm like, oh no, no, I can't.

So I live with that for a long time.

Yeah.

What what gave you the strength to finally tell someone?

Getting tired of being scared?

Oh.

Yeah.

Tired of have-having - It's like when you - When you're scared, you make it where you have no say.

Fear induces the exact thing that you don't want.

Yeah.

It makes you pull away.

It makes you push away.

Yeah.

Fear does not help you.

Now caution, that helps.

Huh.

Being startled, that helps even.

Mmm.

But fear does not help anyone but fear.

Like just coming here.

Just coming here.

I had so, so many positive aspects already put in front of me, right?

Okay.

And it was perfectly built to have one negative and be anxiety.

Okay.

[laugh] Just all it takes is one negative.

Yeah.

And right when I felt like the negative was going to come, I was like, ah - uh - whatever.

That's awesome.

I forgot.

I forgot about everything.

I forgot about this.

This entire show as I'm driving And just - forget it.

Let's focus on this road.

[laugh] Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's focus on what you got to deal with right now.

Yeah.

That's, That's what I practice when I'm getting panic attacks.

I - What is reality?

Yes.

Do I need to be afraid right now [upbeat brass music] Okay.

So I'm going to show it to you two ways.

One way is, How you show yourself to the world, and the other way is how you show yourself to yourself.

Okay.

Okay.

So that's you to the world.

Wow.

That's that's thats beautiful.

Well, you're beautiful and this here is your big heart.

How you are to yourself.

You really.

Authentically share your emotions and who you are.

And that's really nice.

Im speechless.

[giggle] like this I'm.

I'm honored to be me right now.

That's awesome.

You should be.

You should always be honored to be yourself.

You're a beautiful creature, and it's been an honor to be in your presence.

Well, I'm going to show you this in two ways.

Okay.

[clicking that is Jen putting th The simplicity of you.

Uh-huh.

And if I keep the wood showing at all - Uh-huh.

- represents raw, genuinosity.

Okay.

That's you.

Okay.

[laugh] And I always try to make a symbol that means your name.

Okay.

So I will take the first two letters.

Uh-huh.

The J and the B - Uh-huh.

- and make one.

Oh, neat.

So?

So you'll be able to remember show you the other way how I see you.

Ahhhh!

So cool.

Here.

Thank you.

Wow.

That's really cool.

Wow.

Well, Thank you so much.

I en- I enjoyed - this really enjoyabl Oh, my gosh, it really was.

Thank you.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you.

[Boom] [kids party mouth horn] [announcing brass horns] [squeaky hinge] [announcing brass horns] [digital video game beeps] [announcing brass horns] [digital video game beeps] [magical chimes] [announcing brass horns] [cartoon dings, cartoon horn] [announcing brass horns] [cartoon swirl] [metronome beat] [strummed upright bass music] [dramatic brass flare] [magical chimes] [girls giggling] [strummed upright bass music] [cartoon mischievous laugh] [dog sniffing] [mans mmm?] [drops of water] [strummed upright bass music] [metronome beat] [drums at 100 bpm] [cartoon swirl up, cartoon swirl [drums at 100 bpm] [crowd applause & cheer] [drums at 100 bpm] [trumbone fail] [upbeat electronic club music] [thunder] [upbeat electronic club music] [big thunder] [upbeat electronic club music] [synthetic rhthmic music] [strummed upright bass music] [cartoon boings] [strummed upright bass music] [crowd talking, sexy saxaphone m [laughter in the crowd] [awooga horn] [trumbone fail] [sexy saxaphone melody] [cartoon pop] [sexy saxaphone melody] [royal announcement trumpet] [sexy saxaphone melody] [cartoon electric shock sound] [cartoon teeth chatter] [sexy saxaphone melody] [metronome beat] [drums at 100 bpm] [bass bow rift [drums at 100 bpm] [kids party horn] [drums at 100 bpm] [cartoon swirl.

cartoon pop] [muffled trumpet to sound like e Hey, hey.

Hey.

[flute]