Amanpour and Company

>> WELL, THE FACT IS THAT RIGHT NOW BOYS FACE A LOT OF MIXED MESSAGES THAT ARE TELLING THEM ON ONE HAND TO BE SCRUPULOUS ABOUT CONSENT AND ON THE OTHER HAND THAT THEY SHOULD HOOK UP WITH AS MANY GIRLS AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT MUCH CARE OR CONCERN FOR EITHER THEIR FEELINGS OR THEIR PARTNERS'. SO THAT CREATES A REAL CONTRADICTION IN BOYS. AND WHEN I WOULD TALK TO GUYS ON ONE HAND, AGAIN, IT'S THIS CONTRADICTION THAT THEY WERE REALLY EGALITARIAN IN THE CLASSROOM, THEY FELT GIRLS WERE DESERVING OF THEIR PLACE IN LEADERSHIP AND PROFESSIONAL AND ACADEMIC OPPORTUNITIES. BUT THEN IF I WOULD ASK THEM WHAT IS THE IDEAL GUY, IT WAS LIKE THEY WERE CHANNELLING 1955. IT WAS ALL THE OLD STUFF, AGGRESSION, BEING DOMINATING, BEING ATHLETIC, SEXUAL CONQUESTS AND ESPECIALLY EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION. >> I'M GOING TO GET TO EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION IN JUST A SECOND. I WANT TO ASK YOU, AFTER I THINK 25 YEARS OF CHRONICLING THE LIFE OF GIRLS, WHEN IT COMES TO, YOU KNOW, BEING A GIRL OR A BOY AND SEX, WHAT ARE THE IMMEDIATE DIFFERENCES? WHAT ARE GIRLS WORRIED ABOUT WHEN THEY TALK TO YOU AND WHAT ARE BOYS WORRIED ABOUT? >> WELL, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE BOOK, THE TWO BOOKS WERE INTERESTING AND REALLY VERY MUCH ABOUT THOSE DIFFERENCES AND FOR BOYS, AGAIN, THERE'S THIS ISSUE OF SEXUAL CONQUESTS THAT STILL REALLY DEFINES WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN IDEAL GUY. AND WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, WHEN GUYS TALK AMONGST THEMSELVES, WHAT DO THEY DO? THEY HAMMER, THEY BANG, THEY POUND, THEY NAIL, THEY TAP THAT, THEY HIT THAT, YOU KNOW. IT'S LIKE THEY WENT TO A CONSTRUCTION SITE. IT'S NOT LIKE THEY ENGAGED IN AN ACT OF INTIMACY. AND MANY GUYS THAT I TALKED TO WERE SORT OF STRUGGLING WITH THAT EXPECTATION THAT THEY PRESENT THAT TO THE WORLD IN ONE WAY, EVEN IF THAT WASN'T REALLY HOW THEY FELT. >> I HEARD AND I SEE YOU WRITE THAT IN A WAY WHEN YOU DISCUSS WITH GIRLS, THEY WERE WORRIED ABOUT ISSUES OF, YOU KNOW, WHETHER THEY WERE -- THE BODY ISSUES AND THINGS LIKE THAT. WHERE BOYS ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT BEING CUT OFF, AS YOU PUT IT, FROM THEIR HEART AND THOSE KINDS OF ISSUES, THAT THEY'VE CREATED THESE SORT OF BARRIERS AND WALLS AROUND THEMSELVES IN DIFFERENT WAYS THAN GIRLS HAVE. >> ABSOLUTELY. IF THERE'S SORT OF A TWO-SENTENCE COMPARISON, IT WOULD BE THAT GIRLS WERE CUT OFF FROM THEIR BODIES AND THEIR BODIES' RESPONSES AND BOYS WERE KIND OF SYSTEMATICALLY CUT OFF FROM THEIR HEARTS, THEY PUT UP A BARRIER FROM THEIR REAL FEELINGS, OR I TRAINED MYSELF NOT TO CRY. ONE GUY SAID TO ME HE WANTED TO CRY WHEN HIS PARENTS GOT DIVORCED, BUT HE COULDN'T SO HE STREAMED THREE HOLOCAUST MOVIES BACK TO BACK. AND VERY MUCH AT THE HEART IS THIS ISSUE OF VULNERABILITY FOR MEN