Amanpour and Company

I'M JUST -- WITH ALL OUR HEART WE SEND OUR CONDOLENCES AND WE ARE JUST SO SORRY FOR WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR FAMILY. THE LOSS OF YOUR DAUGHTER. THESE MONTHS LATER, HOW ARE YOU COPING? HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THIS GRIEF AMID SO MUCH GRIEF THAT YOU WRITE ABOUT, THAT YOU LIVE IN IN OUR GLOBAL SITUATION RIGHT NOW? >> YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T MY FIRST THOUGHT OR MY SECOND THOUGHT OR MY TENTH THOUGHT. BUT AFTER DIXIE DIED AND I REALIZED, IT'S LIKE THE EFFECTS OF LOSS, I DID CONNECT IT UP, WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE CONNECT. WE ARE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH SIMILAR THINGS. I DON'T THINK WE'RE VERY GOOD AT LOSS. I THINK WE DON'T DO GRIEF WELL. IT HAS ALL THESE KNOCK-ON AFFECTS. I WAS STRUCK IN THE FIRST PLACE BY JUST HOW EXHAUSTING IT IS, THAT YOU LOSE THIS CHILD WHO YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. YOUR FIRST REACTION IS TO BE TIRED ALL THE TIME. WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM? I THINK WHERE IT'S COMING FROM IS YOU HAVE THIS -- WE ALL MOVE THROUGH THE WORLD WITH THIS REALITY IN OUR HEAD. WE SORT OF -- WE ASSUME A FUTURE. WHEN YOU HAVE TO REWRITE THAT FUTURE BECAUSE OF SOME TRAUMA, I THINK THAT THAT -- IT OCCUPIES A LOT OF YOUR BRAIN SPACE. THE OTHER THING THAT STRUCK ME IS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF LOSS AND IT'S THE FIRST OF ITS KIND IN MY LIFE, THAT YOU ARE KIND OF ADMITTED AS A CITIZEN TO THE KINGDOM OF GRIEF. PEOPLE AROUND ME, PEOPLE QUITE CLOSE TO ME WHO HAD NOT KIND OF COME FORTH WITH THEIR OWN STORIES OF LOSS AND THE LOSS THEY WERE LIVING WITH THAT WAS GRINDING AT THECM EVERY DAY, STARTED TO OFFER THEM UP. IT'S KIND OF AMAZING. IT'S THIS HIDDEN UNDERCURRENT. MY TAKEAWAY -- I HAVE HAD A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. IT HAS BEENGUT-WRENCHING TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE IS FEELING AND BE MORE TOLERANT. WHEN YOU HOLD THIS KIND OF THING INSIDE, YOU START TO -- YOU REALIZE THAT IT REALLY DOES HAVE A WARPING AFFECT ON HOW YOU MOVE THROUGH THE WORLD. I DIDN'T -- DIXIE WAS 19. BRI BRAVE AND DELIGHTFUL COLLEGE STUDENT WHO DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. IT'S NOT A COVID DEATH. IT'S A MOMENT WHERE I THINK THERE'S BURIED GRIEF. I FIND MYSELF A LITTLE MORE ALIVE TO IT.