VOCES: American Sons

[ Counter clicking ] [ Counter clicking ] [ Dramatic music ] [ Counter clicking ] [ Counter slowly clicking ] -Over here's where we live, in Kajaki, our little ghetto room.

This is -- This is where we do it.

This is where we get down and dirty.

You know, when we got -- you got the Easy Mac right there.

You know, you know, you know how it is.

Got all our gear.

There's packages that you send, Ma, Reyna, you know, everybody.

There's the .50-cal sniper rifle right there.

That's what my homies shoot when we're on patrols.

They overwatch us with that.

Ah... The last couple of days have been kind of crazy around here.

Uh... we've had a couple KIAs.

Yesterday, one of my boys stepped on an IED.

He became a triple amputee, lost his legs and his left hand.

Sergeant took shrapnel to his face.

Yeah, man, stuff that never -- doesn't leave your head, man, you know.

That's what drugs are for.

[ Laughs ] But, uh, you know, got a mission to do.

Gotta still make it home safe.

Hopefully I get to spend time with my loved ones after this.

Be nice.

Be done with this whole war... Go to school.

Go do something better, man.

[ Dramatic energetic music ] [ Gentle music ] -He goes, "Mom, I'm leaving in two weeks."

And I go, "What do you mean you're leaving in two weeks?

Where are you going?"

He goes, "I just became a Marine."

And it was like a slap in the face.

Like, I mean, I knew he wanted to be a Marine, but I actually didn't think that he was doing it.

When he left, I told him, "You better make sure you get a lot of pictures."

That's how we started seeing a lot of the pictures that he would send us or see in Facebook.

- JV tambin.

Estaba viendo el picture donde estaban todos y... -Yeah, right.

JV looks exactly like you.

-Of course.

-Chica, chica, boom, boom.

[ Laughs ] And this is my mom.

Do it like that, Mom, to yourself.

-He was a happy little kid.

He always smiled.

Was always playing.

Always giving.

He was never greedy.

-[ Groans ] -He loved to work with his dad because he could use the nail gun.

[ Laughs ] Uh, anything that he could use to break down walls, windows, he would do it.

-Look, this is right before he graduated.

-Which one?

-I have that hat.

-Before he joined and -- and -- You do have this hat.

-I have that hat.

-Is that the one I gave you?

-Mm-hmm.

-Here, look, so you can keep the picture.

That way you know.

-A ver, mijo.

-Yeah, I have that hat.

-What is that?

-The last letter that I ever wrote him, that he never got.

They sent it back to me when they sent back his stuff.

Look, the picture he had over there of you.

Yeah, I remember this letter because I was getting after him.

-Why?

-Um... -1999.

-1999?

-Mm-hmm.

-Ooh.

-And then I get that knock on the door... [ Sniffles ] ...and you just go numb when you see somebody at the door and you know why they're here.

[ Exhales sharply ] And then you just go through all the emotions of what you have to do... go get his body.

Don't know if it's coming in one piece or not.

'Cause that's what they tell you when you go to Dover to pick up their bodies.

And this is all the medals that he had.

A Purple Heart.

And up there are his Marine brothers.

Supposedly all of them are my sons now, which they all call me Mom... [ Sniffles ] ...and it means a lot because... ...I know they're a part of JV, and they will -- they will always will be.

[ Indistinct conversations ] -Here we are, the barracks, everyone living their life.

These are our rooms.

How we gotta leave 'em.

Our little prison.

About to go to a different prison.

[ Upbeat music ] There's Duty on some kind of duty.

Aah!

There's the other Mexicans right there, some of the few that we have.

'Sup, fool?

-What's up, dog?

-You scared or what?

-No.

-Scared?

You're scared.

-V on the camera.

-Yeah, I'm on the camera, man.

I'm be the -- I'm gonna be the news reporter the whole time.

Documentary right here.

-It was crazy to know that you could be that close to someone at that early in stage, and it's someone from a different background.

He's Mexican.

I'm Puerto Rican.

Me and him built that connection, that brotherhood, that camaraderie, that...unconditional love for each other that we didn't see that at all, you know?

We were Hispanic, you know?

We were -- We were the same.

-Hey, who has the bigger head, me or that?

-Okay, why are you zooming in?

[ Laughter ] -I ain't zooming in.

Whatever, boy.

-Whoo!

-I met JV on fire watch.

I was on duty, and he was in his room relaxing.

And I just say, "Hey, hey, you, how are you?

What's your name?"

His name is "Vira-real."

But we cannot -- I cannot say "Vira-real" in -- in no way, you know, so I call him "V."

He's like out there, not shy.

He's not shy kind of guy.

He's out there with you.

He was my first friend too.

V met my mom, met my brother.

He liked it.

He fell in love with it.

He fell in love with my family.

Say my family is all welcome.

My family is open arms.

My family is different than another family, because we're from Thailand.

We welcome with open arms.

[ Chuckles ] I joined the Marines after 9/11 because after I saw the tower fell, you know, I want to give something back to this country that give me this freedom, give me this life that I able to enjoy.

We went to Kajaki, we went to Iraq, and we went to Kuwait together.

Every day we see each other.

Until today, I still see him in my dream.

In my dream, that's it.

I wish he was still here.

[ Airplane engine roaring ] -It is 12:01.

I have officially turned 22-years-old.

I am still on this...plane.

Haven't gone to sleep yet, and we'll be arriving in the East Coast in 45 minutes.

Alright.

Deuces.

Where are we?

-Romania.

-Romania?

-I don't know where the...we gonna go.

You know what?

I end up in Africa in a couple years, right.

-Gonna go Africa next.

[ Upbeat music ] Welcome to Afghanistan.

-Whoo-hoo!

-We ain't in...California no more.

It's all our... I think I just swallowed a bug.

[ Chuckles ] All of our weapons.

We're getting ready.

This is where we're staying at.

There's Branchito.

Branchito!

-[ Cheering ] We were studs, and we were all looking out for each other.

We had, like, a actual love for each other.

It's not just some dude, you know, you go out to field ops and then go to war with kind of deal, like, you know.

Like your brothers, like a wolf pack, or some sort of... [ Laughs ] I figured it would be like a bunch of stray dogs, like, you know, that all got together and, you know, rocked out.

[ Upbeat music ] -Just want to give y'all a quick look at where we're living at.

You know, show you the conditions that we gotta live when we're in Afghanistan, what we put up with and how little we get paid while we're out here.

So here's a quick view.

That Texas flag right there, you see that, that Texas flag in Afghanistan.

And it is 120 degrees, by the way.

[ Truck engine roaring ] [ Upbeat music ] [ Truck engine rumbling ] [ Laughs ] Say "West Side."

Go like this.

Nah, go, "West Side."

Cross fingers.

West Side.

[ Truck engine rumbling ] [ Indistinct radio chatter ] [ Truck engine rumbling ] [ Truck engine rumbling ] [ Low soft music ] -They chose our unit, India 3/12, the only unit in the entire Marine Corps battery, they chose us to go guard the most hostilest place in Afghanistan at that moment in time.

We didn't know what we were getting into.

Yeah, we knew we were going somewhere hostile, we knew we were going to war.

But we didn't know what war was really like.

You're putting yourself on front line, knowing for a fact you could die, but you still gonna do it, because you have no choice but to do that.

Because if you give up in the face of death... not only may you die, but everyone around you.

-[ On radio ] I'll let you know when it's laid.

[ Weapon firing ] -...yeah, baby.

Son of a bitch.

-...yeah!

-That was awesome, baby!

Whoo!

-In the Marine Corps, they teach you to scream real loud, because when you in combat, you hear fire shot.

When you say something, you cannot hear it.

You have to scream it.

And picking up little trash by trash, little trash, by little, that mean attention to detail.

Like when you go walk into, like, a combat zone, you don't step on a bomb, or you don't step on an IED or nothing like that.

You were taught for a reason in the Marine Corps.

Combat is... it's fun.

It's fun to me.

I'm not scared.

I can go back and do it over again, I can do it... in a heartbeat.

If I want to do it over again, in Kajaki with all these guys, I'll do it over again.

[ Tractor engine rumbles ] -Everybody's potential enemy.

You know, you can't trust nothing.

Any step you take could be your last step.

There's just constantly, something we gotta worry about, you know, someone trying to kill you, or if they're trying to try to overrun you, or like that.

You know, you're -- you're a small base and in their world.

I mean you know you feel like ah, you know, whatever, you feel for them 'cause, you know, like, but there's like a respect thing.

But you know that doesn't deter, you know, what you're doing.

You came here to... "restore democracy in the country thrown in turmoil" or whatever they want, you know, to tell you.

But it -- it was our job, that's what we were there for, that's what we trained to do, that's what we spent -- signed for, that's what we -- you know.

In a way, you know, it's almost like the full experience.

Yeah, a lot of Marines don't -- don't even end up in, you know, like, combat sometimes, you know?

[ Guns firing ] [ Bomb explodes ] -Oh!

[ Laughter ] Ow!

Ow, ow, that...hot, dude.

Whoo, it's going down my back.

Ow, Purple Heart.

Oh, it's hot, dude!

It's hot.

[ Helicopter blades whirring ] -Sometime around the beginning October, I arrived at Kajaki, and the first day there, the unit got hit pretty hard.

Maybe 17 guys were wounded, and some of them were seriously wounded, including they had a visiting combat camera guy there, and I think he was, you know, he got medevaced out, so I don't know exactly what happened to him, but I think I heard he was at risk of losing his arm.

[ Helicopter blades whirring ] One of the things that surprised me was how they had to patrol.

I mean, there were so many IEDs there that you -- basically you patrolled in a single-file line.

I mean, you're stepping in the footsteps of the guy in front of you because you don't want to step on that IED.

And usually the guys in front would mark the path with either baby powder or paint because they're out there with the Vallons or they're out there with the dogs trying to sweep the areas before you come through it.

It's basically patrolling through a minefield.

-Heel, heel.

-Here it comes.

Here it comes.

[ Indistinct radio chatter ] [ Airplane engine roaring ] Drop that... There it is.

-Whoa!

[ Bomb exploding ] Oh, yeah.

That was it.

You're not gonna be able to see it.

He dropped two?

-He just blow up a...IED?

-That wasn't -- had to have been.

Two forward.

Watching that side.

Might get shot from over there, or over there, or... We just dropped a bomb, so... -Sweet.

[ Wind buffeting ] -That was nice, very nice.

That's the college kid.

Went to college and still stuck in the same... hole as I am.

Huh?

Look at that.

-This is a memorial bracelet that I've worn since after the deployment.

This is all the guys that served with us.

They're looking over us and they can't ever step foot on this earth again, but while we're here, anything is achievable as long as we commit to it.

You're fighting shoulder to shoulder with these guys as a whole, as a family.

Anytime somebody is taken away, that's a huge hit on not only the unit as a whole, but each individual person of that unit.

And everybody heals differently.

When you come back from that deployment, and everybody parts ways within 30 days, 30 days is not a healing process.

We counted on each other for day and day and day, in some of the most hellish places on Earth, and made it out of there alive.

What we need now is an opportunity to heal together.

Reunite, remember, and renew.

[ Sizzling ] -I sit down and sing Thai song.

I sing it by myself.

When I sit down where, let's say, I'm in the park, I just sing.

So I'd like to go sit by myself.

That's my hobby.

[ Laughs ] I don't know what to do out here.

I'd rather be in a uniform and then serve, and then rather be with the Marine Corps, and then... Out here, I'm just here... doing nothing, just being at a restaurant and seeing doctor.

I rather be a Marine.

10 years from now, I still can say I rather be a Marine.

I still want to be a Marine.

I tell my doctors, "Can I go back?"

They say no because of my condition.

My condition is too much because of my PTSD and TBI.

They were like, "Cannot go back."

"But what can I do?

What can I do to do the service?"

They were like, "Just relax.

Go relax, go vacation."

That's what my doctor told me to do.

[ Vehicles passing in distance ] -What's up, brother?

-Hey.

-How you doing?

-Good, man.

-Nice to see you, man.

How you doing?

-I miss everybody.

-Yeah, me too, man.

-[ Crying ] Oh, my God.

-So good to see you well, man.

-You good, man.

I never see nobody.

-Been so long.

-I never see nobody.

I just see people on Facebook and they put me to tear.

-I... -I know you're doing good.

You're doing your soda.

-That, yeah, that and the reunions.

-Next one I'm going, I just donate to yours.

-To the reunion?

-Your reunion.

-Did you?

-I did.

-Thanks, brother.

It's allowing us to do it for another unit, man.

-But myself, no, no girl, no nothing.

Girl left me because of my condition, of my action.

-Really?

-Yeah, I heard gunshot, two gunshot on -- I'm talking about six months ago, somebody used a shotgun shoot somebody.

-Really?

-It activated.

I destroy my whole table.

And then I asked myself, "What's wrong with me?"

No, I was screaming.

I was asking -- I was screaming for Sergeant Saenz.

Was screaming for V, I was screaming for police.

Was screaming for "gotta call police," man.

"Gotta call police, please help me."

I went in lockdown next day.

Because when V gone is with the boom boom shot that I heard, and every boom shot, come to me, it take me back, man.

I don't know how to get away from it.

-We gotta stay connected.

-Yeah, I'd stay connected.

Like, when I get a hold of Rios, we talk every day, every day, man.

Where's my -- Every freaking day, man.

Like...check this out.

Angel, Angel.

All Angel, man, all Angel.

That's only person.

Look.

That's the only person I call, Angel.

That's my uncle, that's my caregiver.

-Yeah.

-If I don't text, he text me too.

That's what my mom tell him, you know?

[ Chuckles ] -You are gonna be alright, brother.

You'll be alright, man.

-I don't know, man.

[ Dramatic music ] -We were in an area.

It was called the Green Zone.

I remember Sergeant Rodriguez, he was in front of me, and we noticed we were near some compounds, and I turned back right to look towards my front, all I see is a flash.

I was being blown up by this explosion.

Couldn't really tell exactly what was going on with me, other than the fact that I felt mad debris, lot of pressure, and just things go deep within my lungs to where it was hard for me to even gasp for air.

I fell back down on a knee.

I slowly looked to my right, and I saw my sergeant.

It was something I didn't want to see.

But I saw it.

And, uh...I live with it each day, you know?

[ Hair clipper buzzing ] A lot of us went through a lot, dealing with the transition back from Afghanistan.

We pretty much went separate ways and... because it took me almost, I believe, 9 years, almost 10 years, before I could even let anybody know much of anything.

[ Dramatic music ] [ Rolling waves ] Sergeant St.

Cyr, he was someone that mentored a lot of Marines, including myself.

[ Waves crashing ] I went to Afghanistan.

Obviously, you know, I was blown up with Sergeant Rodriguez, That whole transition, the plane, bro... that was horrible.

That was horrible.

And then feeling that guilt the whole way.

And then... about V, that...destroyed me, bro.

I didn't even know how to act in Puerto Rico.

My family, bro... I didn't want to -- I didn't want them to see me like that, bro.

[ Waves crashing ] [ Rios sobbing ] [ Waves crashing ] The week before, V called me, bro, asking me if I'm alright.

I tell him, "I'm good, bro.

I want to come back.

I want to come back so bad to help everybody, bro.

Felt like I failed them."

He told me, "It's a good thing you're not here, bro."

I said, "Why?"

"It's one less person we got to worry about."

That was the hardest thing I heard from V, bro.

The smartest thing, the wisest thing I ever heard from him, bro.

He used to always come to me for advice, bro.

-You were a leader back then, and there's no reason why you can't be that...now.

-I appreciate that.

So I started making music, man.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-I don't know -- I don't know, like, what is PTSD, you know?

I mean, yeah, yeah, I'm diagnosed with it, you know?

But I feel like, what is PTSD, you know?

It's such like a big umbrella of things, you know?

I feel like there's a lot of other...you know, 'cause it's like life trauma and, you know, but that's everything that got you here, you know?

This is -- This is your life.

Like, a lot of people you don't really start going to the VA until years later 'cause it's just so -- you know, you're so, "Aaaaargh!"

and you're fast-paced, you know, like -- And then, you know, you're getting talked to like a duck from -- by some doctor, like, "Doc, you don't even know what the...I've been through.

I'm here trying to open up to you and, you know, you..." It's frustrating.

It's frustrating.

You're like one of these, uh, fighting dogs, you know?

Like you're trained to fight, fight, fight, fight, and then you know they give you to a Brady Bunch family, you know, and now you're in society trying to play house and -- and, you know, it's like, "No, I'm a...fighting dog.

I'm gonna tear up the couch and I'm gonna... where I want to..." and you know.

And then, you know, when... really hits the fan, you're really looking for some help, you know, they're there.

They'll put you in groups.

Groups are awesome.

I love groups.

You know, you got other veterans talking to you about the same...that they went through, you know?

Maybe, uh, 20, 30, 40 years ago, you know?

And it's always helpful to hear it from another veteran than a doctor 'cause you just don't respect anybody else.

[ Soft dramatic music ] -You know, I don't really have many people I talk to.

I don't -- I live out here by myself.

I'm pretty much alone, you know?

I may speak to family here and there, you know?

Without Ty, there's not gonna be no me, 'cause I've lost enough and the more I keep losing... I mean, the more I'm just gonna be alone and no longer being able to have the people that I knew gave me that support or that positiveness, that, you know... great vibe, you know?

To helping me stay positive and wanna do good in life and... to not give up.

[ Rain pattering windshield ] [ Beeping sound ] [ Cellphone ringing ] Damn, what's up, fool?

-What's up, man?

-What you doing, man?

-Laying down.

-So what's up, man?

What'd you do today, man?

-Nothing, man, nothing at all.

-What'd you eat, man?

-Haven't eaten yet.

-Again, bro?

There we go.

Hey, what made you shave all this?

-Trying to stay clean, man.

-Oh, clean?

Okay.

You gotta stay fresh, huh?

-Yup.

-So what do you remember, bro?

What do you remember?

Let's say, from 29 Palms, what do you remember from that?

-I can't remember...man.

-Well, let's jog that memory, devil.

[ Lighter clicking ] [ Soft dramatic music ] -It's just some of the other... we got to walk through.

Uh-huh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Me chilling, yeah.

Doing my thing.

[ Spits ] It's what we do for a living, homie.

See y'all at the next patrol.

[ Vehicles passing ] [ Plastic bag rustling ] [ Door creaking ] -Damn, what's up?

[ Door squeaks ] [ Dog barking ] [ Liquid shaking ] Here.

[ Barking continues ] [ Lighter clicking ] I want you to know, you know, I'm here for you, Ty.

As your brother, man, I'm telling you, you need to cut back on some of that... Try.

So you could function more, bro.

You did something in the Marine Corps, bro.

You shouldn't have to be living the rest of your life... being controlled by these pills, bro.

None of us do.

You know, think about all the Marines that we lost, bro.

And think about it.

We lost them in battle.

We lost them when they came back.

Some of them committed suicide.

I know it's hard for us to go pay respects, bro, but we gotta at least do that for V when we can bro.

You need a T-shirt.

We know that.

-No, man.

-Yeah, man.

-No.

-Yeah, man.

-I can't, man.

-You can.

You can, dog.

You can.

What we got here?

You definitely can't wear these, dog.

Wow, dog, you got roaches coming out this, bro.

[ Gentle music ] What you been doing?

-Nothing, man.

-Where's everyone at?

-At their house.

-Ty, you can't live like this, bro.

You can't, bro, you can't.

You don't have no clothes hanging somewhere?

-No.

-Damn, Ty.

-Alright, I'm recording right now.

I'm about to do a resupply.

This is how we get food and water to ourselves.

We got to do it every day.

It's a bitch, but you get used to it.

You know, you got to do what you got to do to survive out here.

I'm gonna show you a little bit of the terrain.

I ain't gonna record the whole walk, because y'all probably get bored.

It takes about 30 minutes to get back and -- to get there, and then another 30 minutes to come back.

So, here, I'm gonna give you a little peek.

That's all the hills, all that is laid full of IEDs and mines, so we can't even walk on that... I'm gonna start walking so y'all can see some of this crazy terrain.

Gotta jump off real quick.

[ Grunts ] And you gotta stay on this path.

There's a path marked the whole way.

You step off this path, most likely you might step on a land mine.

Because the Russians, when they were here, they put land mines all over the place.

[ Wind buffeting ] A British Marine fell off the side of that mountain.

Fell down there.

Two other Marines tried to save him, they died also, they hit land mines.

And then the journey continues.

So, yeah, so I'm-a start walking now, you know, get my PT, probably run a little bit too, run up and down these mountains, it helps.

But I'll see y'all later, alright?

So gave you a little preview of how we live.

Hopefully, in a couple months, we could all be watching this and be like, "Look at that beard."

You see this, uh?

Yeah, when we're up here, we don't gotta follow rules.

We kill...like Vietnam.

Alright, love y'all.

Talk to y'all later.

Bye.

-So in the reunion, you don't want to have a lot of people.

-It's not a reunion.

So we're gonna do a memorial.

-Well, the memorial.

-But I thought that I'd have everybody line up.

You know how there's that big curve right around where JV's at?

There, you can go on both sides.

So I thought everybody could stand in there by their car, stand outside and either bring an American flag, or we can go buy a bunch of flags.

And then I just need somebody that has a... like, a...something with a microphone.

-Okie dokie, smokey.

[ Laughter ] Hear that, JV?

Alrighty, sounds good.

-When are you gonna change his shrine?

-You could update all of your pictures, but I can't update mijo's.

-Even the kid's pictures.

[ Indistinct conversations in distance ] -Hey!

How you doing?

-Good, how are you?

-I'm fine.

I'm glad you're here .

[ Chuckles ] So how's Ty doing?

No?

-He's lost.

-Really?

-Ty's not like the Ty you saw last time.

He's literally -- You gotta go like this to get a response, like, "Yo, Ty, Ty."

-Wow.

-He's always like this... even when you're talking to him.

-Hmm.

-Everyone has to take pills to show that they're at least trying to get help.

-Yeah.

-And the way they attack the PTSD is, it's not just with medication.

They want you to take medication and go through therapy.

That's like a double way of attacking PTSD.

-Mm-hmm.

-But the problem is that, one, you're trying to put 'em in therapy that's gonna trigger them.

And then, two, you're putting 'em in therapy and they're already... half brain dead, you know what I'm saying?

-Yeah.

-And it's -- -That's why I hate take medication.

I don't like it.

-Yeah, me neither.

[ Indistinct talking, laughter, dog howls ] -...about that phone call.

-Yeah, man.

[ Dog howling ] -Cmo 'ta?

-Cmo est?

-ngel.

-Claro.

-Cmo est?

Todo bien.

Y t?

Aqu noms.

Un da ms.

Un ao ms.

[ Dog howls ] -Good to see you.

Serna.

-Hey, nice to see you again, my friend.

-What's up, dog?

-Good, man.

-Esmeralda.

-Cmo est?

-Bien, bien, y t?

-April.

[ Indistinct talking ] Oh, you gonna leave me hanging?

Damn.

[ Laughter ] -I thought you were gonna hug Mommy.

-Hey.

-He was like, "C'mon, V, you know that anchor goes in."

[ Laughter ] -They got you on all these pictures with your anchors facing the wrong way.

-Yeah.

Yeah, this one too, huh?

-They're all the same -- from the same... -Oh, from the same time?

-Yeah, they're all the same event.

[ Laughter ] [ Indistinct talking ] -Two years ago, we started coming every year, and I wish we would have done it sooner.

It helps us to open up to each other, talk.

A lot of us were kind of doing our own thing, avoiding people just because we didn't know how to deal with it.

[ Birds chirping ] -We couldn't continue to do what we do and be as functional as we are without everybody's support and everybody's continued love and reaching out.

[ Sniffles ] And we know that our pain is not just ours, it's everybody's.

[ Crying ] [ Gentle somber music ] -You okay?

-It's alright, man.

-It's okay.

It's okay.

You're okay.

It's okay.

You're okay.

-I love you all.

-I love you guys, man.

-And then since that day, it's just like it's... you know, every time I try to open that box of emotions, it's like I can't even.

I get paralyzed, and it just drives me into... it just drives me into deflection.

[ Train horn blowing in distance ] [ Birds chirping ] -How was it, man, coming back, bringing him home?

I know you told me bits of it, but I would like to know more, honest.

-It just didn't seem real, you know?

Once I saw, like, the casket, like, I grabbed his dog tag to verify that it was him, his social and everything.

Like, that's when it really sank in, dude.

Like, once we got loaded up in the plane and it was just me, him, and the pilots, and we were up in the sky with all the stars, I was, like, just decompressing with him, you know?

Like, telling him, like, "Why, dude?

Like, why did it have to be you?

What did you do wrong to be in this situation?"

I mean, I said a lot of other things, but all I said was like, "Man, I just... I gotta prepare myself for this, because I'm coming to meet your mom, and I'm not meeting your mom for -- for...and giggles.

Like, I'm meeting your mom because you can no longer be here with us," you know?

And, like, I think that's the thing that scared me the most, you know?

-That's why I'm glad to see where you're at, bro, you and your wife, bro, that's amazing.

-It's real.

It's, uh... I tell her all the time "I'm in it to win it."

I tell her every day, you know?

"I'm in it to win it."

Give me a hug.

-Always.

-[ Smooches ] [ Wind buffeting ] -This is a video showing you where I live.

If you want to see how we're surrounded by Taliban.

That is all Taliban over there, over there, over there, way over there, as well.

This is where I live.

Mosquito net, my sleeping bag, my towel, my pillow.

Home away from home, man.

Here's that 50 again.

This is how we keep water cold here.

We put socks on our water bottles, keeps it fresh.

Yep, this is normal life for us here, so, you know, I'll be doing my thing still.

Hopefully kill some more of these... Hopefully make it home alive, in one piece.

But, uh, I don't know, you know, it's kind of hard sometimes, but you do what you can and live day by day out here, man.

So, I'll see y'all later on.

I'll make another video later or something, hopefully catching more...footage of us killing some of these... But as of right now, I'm probably just gonna chill here, reminisce, think about the good old days.

But yeah, so, see y'all later.

-Bye.

-[ Camera clicks ] -You gotta, you gotta get on with your..." You know, and I feel like us meeting together and, you know, just the fact that we stay close with our fellow Marines, you know you have someone you can relate to, you know?

Never feel so alone.

Your life goes on, you know?

You gotta live for the ones that ain't living no more, you know?

Like everything, you know, it's kinda like a motivation to like, you know, like, if your brother's a ghost and he's hanging out with you, dog, you know you'd make him proud.

[ Lighter clicks ] [ Dramatic music ] [ Counter clicking ] [ Counter clicking ] [ Elk bellows in distance ] -Oh, man.

How are you brother?

-I'm good now I'm here with you, man.

How are you?

-Oh, my God, dude.

-I love you, man.

-I love you too, man.

[ Indistinct talking ] -You got me all excited and... [ Both laughing ] -I'll never forget that day.

You know, the IED went off, and I was in front of the IED.

And when the dust cleared and everything, I was trying to get accountability of who was there and who wasn't.

I remember some of the dust clearing, and I see Rios climbing out of the crater of the IED attack.

And I'm like, "Holy... Rios, are you okay, you okay?"

He's like, "I'm fine, sergeant, I'm fine, sergeant."

But I knew he wasn't.

He was out of it, you know.

It was just that adrenaline that was pumping through him, that kept him... Thank God he didn't die, you know?

It's just a blessing to have him here and see him still alive, and he is an angel for real.

[ Laughs ] And I love all my Marines from my squad, you know, and my squad got so...up that they ended up disbanding my squad because I lost too many Marines because we were always getting hit.

-That table has more pictures on it than it did when we were together in 2015, and I think we all know the struggles that some of our brothers went through and that many of us go through from time to time, and the whole point of all this is when we get back together for the 15 year reunion, I don't want that table to have any more pictures on it.

So take care of each other here this weekend.

Tighten that bond back up, and then reach out to all the people who weren't here, because they're probably the ones who need it the most.

[ Indistinct chatter ] -Has he shared with you, though?

-Yeah, what for?

-You look like something's weighing you down, bro.

-I mean, it do, all this stuff, man.

It still does to this day.

I've been in and out of mental health clinics.

I've thought about doing things, you know, like that I didn't even think I would... think about doin', bro.

-I've been there, bro.

Trust me, I got in-patient.

Whoo, that's getting hot.

-Yeah, it's-- -I got in-patient in the VA, man.

I was having, you remember, suicidal-homicidal thoughts, all that...man.

-Yeah, that's why I turned myself in man 'cause, you know, if I'm thinking about it, and I have those thoughts and I wanna act on them, but I always make it an effort to put myself in a position where, you know, I get the help.

'Cause I know that I'm still going through it.

-Seeing somebody?

-Yeah I got like three psychologists, bro.

-You know if you need me, call me, man.

You got my number.

-Yeah, I got everybody's number, man.

You know how it is.

Sometimes you just feel like you can't reach out, you gotta keep to yourself.

[ Indistinct chatter ] -Battery.

Attention.

-Sergeant First Seppi.

-Here.

-Sergeant Ho.

-Here.

-Sergeant Saenz.

Sergeant Jos Saenz.

Sergeant Jos L. Saenz.

[ Bell rings ] Sergeant Rodriguez.

Sergeant Ronald Rodriguez.

Sergeant Ronald A. Rodriguez.

[ Bell rings ] Corporal Villarreal.

Corporal Jorge Villarreal.

Corporal Jorge J. Villarreal.

[ Bell rings ] [ Footsteps crunching ] -Widow Makers.

That's us right there.

-It was us on the ground, and when we hit an IED, it was always catastrophic because there was no armor.

There was no inches of steel between us and the blast.

It was our rubber boots.

-Magnetic strip.

-That's all magnetic strip.

There's digging tools in this shed, as well.

Come here, Eeyore, come here, come here.

-We would go out on patrol together.

V had the metal detector, I had the dog, and we would always be side by side before we'd cross a danger area.

And with that came a lot of responsibility.

It was October 17th.

And we come to this wadi, which is a dry creek bed.

This is a deep one, very steep.

And I'm making my descent into the wadi, and V is right behind me, like, right behind me, and I'm like, "Dude, back up."

You know, like, because if I set this off, if there's something there, I don't want both of us to die.

-And that day, we went into that wadi, and I sent my dog a bunch.

Because if anybody's hit, I'd rather it be the dog, and then I wanted it to be me, so I would go first.

And as I was going down that wadi, V was right behind me, and I said, "Bro, don't walk so close, because if I go, I don't want you to go with me."

[ Laughs ] And V he says, "Don't worry, bro."

He laughs, he says, "Don't worry, bro.

If you go, I want to go with you."

And I went over it, and it didn't go off.

And I was going up that wadi.

And it was just the smoke and the heat and the smell, and I just remember thinking, I have my rifle, and I was thinking, I hope that was my dog, I hope that was my...dog.

And I looked back, and V wasn't there.

And, uh, I think you guys all should know that was the type of person V was.

He was ready to go with me, and, uh, and it wasn't me that day, it was V. That's what he said to me, and I think those were his last words, and they were with love, as a brother.

And I just wanted you guys all to know that.

And that I love seeing you guys all here and all the parents and everything, and I'm happy that we're all here and survivors, like she said.

And I just really wanted to tell you all that, because it weighs heavy on me.

And that's it.

Semper fi, brothers.

[ Crowd responds ] He went out like a G, man.

Looking out for his brothers.

I wish -- I wish things went different.

But every day I see my son, it's because of V.

-Keep on keeping on, man.

-Hell yeah, brother.

That's how he would want it.

He'd want me to grow old.

We had good...Marines.

-Oh, they're the best.

-I think staying in the military for that year afterwards helped me get my balance.

I'm really happy that I got help, and I would really suggest it.

It's not weak.

It seems like it at first, but talking is the hardest thing you can do, especially in the beginning.

Being able to see my son every day and seeing him growing up, not a day goes by where I don't think of that day, you know, and what could have happened.

And I guess as time goes on, you know, you appreciate what you have, and I'm very thankful that I got to walk away.

And, um, I just wish, V, you did too, you know, 'cause I always wonder, like, "If it was me, like, what he'd have?"

Like, "Where would V be right now", you know?

But I'm here, and I have my son, and I want to keep living for V. You know what I mean?

-Well, here's another night that's coming.

Hopefully, you know, it's not as loud as last night, but this is another day in the books, another day closer to going home.

This is the life we live, you know?

It's how we gotta do things, gotta get grimey down here.

It's pretty crazy.

Just came, got some chow from, like, four mountains down that way.

This is a great view, you know.

I live right here, right behind me.

This where I live, just right here.

But, you know, just giving you -- letting y'all see what I see every night, every morning, every evening.

But, you know, it's a day closer to getting home, so I love y'all, and I'll talk to y'all later.

Bye.