Through Our Eyes

[upbeat music] [pensive music] - I feel like my dad is a superhero 'cause he risked his life for so many people.

- [Joe] You went sideways into this right here.

- [Gabby] My dad was in the Navy.

He got wounded in Iraq.

He started being more forgetful.

- "Now we know that things can happen even to the daddies and mommies.

They sometimes get hurt."

- [Terry] My mom went to war.

- Go, go!

- [Terry] And I know that my mom was going under some hard times.

[poignant music] [poignant music continues] [pensive music] [birds chirping] [automobile hums] [rooster crows] [chickens clucking] [rooster crows] - Here, chickens.

Come on, everybody in.

[chickens clucking] Only four eggs today?

I'm Gabriela Rodriguez.

I'm nine years old.

I live with my mom, dad, my little sister, my dad's service dog, three turtles, and we're going to get another dog.

So that's like five animals inside the house, only.

Sometimes on Sundays, I make pancakes.

I do that because Mom usually cooks breakfast and so does Dad.

So sometimes I just wanna be helpful, and I make pancakes.

- Why is it not working?

- [Gabby] I love making them with my little sister.

- Gabby, when we're done, can we lick the bowl?

- No.

- [Jessica] Did you forget butter?

And no marshmallows?

[Jessica sighs] - Sorry.

- Hey, what are you sorry about?

We all make mistakes.

We just have to learn from 'em, right?

Everybody, breakfast.

Jorge?

- Excuse me.

- My mom, she inspires me because she's been Dad's caregiver for a long time now, almost six years.

- [Jessica] You don't like that syrup?

- I like it.

- Jorge, he has a traumatic brain injury, and he has post-traumatic stress disorder from multiple IED blasts in Iraq.

We have to start winterizing the bees between today and tomorrow because it's gonna start dropping into the 30s.

- Don't look at me.

[laughs] - You and Dad.

- No, him.

- I was hospice nurse until my husband deteriorated, and I became his full-time caregiver.

For many years I was behind four walls without anybody, very isolated, taking care of my husband, taking care of my two little babies.

- I'm gonna bite your hand.

[Gabby giggles] - They're amazing little girls who see beyond their own problems, and we've had a lot.

We've struggled a lot.

All this needs to come off before it dries.

Gabby, she makes us pancakes every Sunday, not because we wanna eat pancakes every Sunday.

She makes it because that's how she's helping.

That's how she feels she can give love.

[gentle bright music] [birds chirping] - [Joe] I'm gonna eat the rest of that.

- [Luther] No, I get three.

- Luther- - Here, Abby.

- [Joe] We don't eat the same amount of food, boy.

- Daddy, I ate more food- - [Joe] Sometimes we do.

You're a growing boy.

- I'm an ugly growing boy.

[laughs] - [Joe] No, you're not.

You're beautiful.

- Dear, heavenly gracious Father, we thank you and praise you for our many blessings.

We pray that you bless this food that we're about to eat to the nourishment of our bodies and our bodies to your service, Lord, in you're heavenly and gracious name, amen.

- [Joe] Amen.

- My name is Luther, and I am eight years old.

I would describe myself happy, sad, crybaby boy.

- [Abby] Me and Luther could go riding.

- We can go riding, and then we could either watch a movie tonight, or we could play a board game or- - Board game, movie- - I think a board game.

[poignant music] [poignant music continues] [Joe groans] - My dad's job in the military was a Navy corpsman, and he would risk his life for other people.

[ATV humming] [ATVs humming] - Seriously, guys, you know you stay 15 foot apart, and if you guys cross each other or pass each other, if I see you guys closer than that, we're shutting it down.

We'll go home.

- So, even if he stopped I- - Even if it stopped, you better be safe enough.

That means that if you're following too close, you're wrong.

You're on four-wheelers, which means wrong means hurt real bad.

- I don't like this.

- Be careful.

- You're gonna wear it anyway.

- When I go over bumps- - Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

- It pulls.

- [Joe] Oh well.

Yes, sir.

- [Luther] Yes, sir.

- [Joe] Thank you.

- Okay.

[engine hums] [gentle dreamy music] - [Taniki] You're gonna let me try it?

- [Jermaine] Yeah.

- Oh my gosh, I'm gonna need your help.

What?

So I just lean forward?

- [Jermaine] I mean- - Oh!

Yes, I got it.

I got it.

I'm skating.

[laughs] You think I could be a skateboarder?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, sure.

[both laugh] When I got out the military, I was struggling with emotional connection.

I was trying to be a mother but could not leave the combat and the stress behind.

I missed a lot with my oldest, Jermaine.

And now that I have Terry, he's younger, so it was almost like a second chance.

[Taniki laughs] Terry!

- Mom!

- Hey.

[laughs] Hey, buddy.

- Hey, Mom.

- Let me see your face.

[Terry smooches] [Taniki laughs] - My name's Terry.

I am 10 years old, and I'm in fourth grade, and I'm in a military family.

- [Mom] Did you like your lunch?

- My relationship with my parents is really strong.

Just have fun.

- [Brandon] Welcome home.

- Yeah.

- You had a good day?

- [Terry] Mm-hm.

- [Brandon] What'd you do?

- Nothing much.

- You didn't do much?

- No.

My parents went to war, and I know that my mom was going under some stress and depression.

- Were you gonna get something to eat?

- [Terry] Mm-hm.

- You gonna make me some?

- [Terry] Yes, sir.

- All right.

- My dad went through the same thing trying to help my mom and help himself, and my mom helped herself and helped my dad.

So it was kind of like a help-help thing.

- I actually didn't get a chance to finish.

- [Dad] How you gonna eat his snack?

- I'm not eating his snack.

Why you telling on me?

- [Brandon] I'm telling.

I'm telling.

I'm gonna call him down and say, "You know mama had your snack."

- Don't you dare.

- [Brandon] Eating his snack.

- My mom is always the party of the house, so she's like, "Yeah, get up guys, get up," and we're all up.

- Every mom around the world knows about mommy bites.

You have to taste it, try it.

They love to share.

- That's why y'all always full for dinner time.

Y'all never eat y'all's food [Taniki laughs] 'cause y'all done ate everybody else food.

- And then when my mom is kind of sad, we're all sad, but I know I have to be strong because if I'm sad, then it's gonna be another problem.

- [Taniki] You wanna wait a few minutes?

It depends on how you feel.

- I'll wait a few minutes 'cause I'm still kind of full.

- So you don't mind me taking a couple more bites of this?

- [Terry] You can have a couple more bites.

- See, you're so generous.

[poignant music] [bellow huffing] - In 2015, when my sister was one years old, and I was only four, dad had a seizure.

Mom, I need my [speaks faintly].

He kept forgetting stuff.

He started stuttering and couldn't remember how to brush his teeth.

And it kept getting worse and worse from there.

I can't see.

I felt like I lost touch with him.

I didn't know who my daddy was anymore.

- [Jorge] You were surviving.

- We had to go to Georgia to go to Shepherd Center to help dad.

I didn't know that we were going to be living there for three months, and that kind of stressed me out even more.

[sighs] It was just so stressful for me to think of Dad like that, and sometimes I just couldn't sleep in there.

I felt like it was just flowing around my mind, and I couldn't let it go.

It was very, very hard for me.

- [Jessica] Have fun with the bees.

I'll see you when you get back.

- [Gabby and Sister] Bye.

- Hi.

Mom told me that when I was little, I said, "Is there a bandaid big enough for daddy's booboo?"

She said, "No, because there's no bandaid that can fix that."

- [Jorge] All right, get down, silly girls.

- [Gabby] All you can do is send them love and care and just hope for the best.

- [Jorge] Come on, smoke 'em.

That's good.

See what we have here.

- Sometimes I feel like it's my fault he has it because we're either too loud, or we're not doing what we're supposed to.

There's the queen.

Other than that, it's also me being sad.

I feel like I just have to step away from the world, so sometimes I go in my room to get some peace and quiet.

Sometimes I write in a journal, but most of the time I sit in my room and just think.

[poignant music] - I would describe my dad as a helpful person, and I would describe what he did in the military very, very helpful.

- I was with the 2-1 Marines, went over to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004, and that's where I got injured.

I spent close to two years in the hospital and had over 30 surgeries.

You go from being the guy that people rely on, and all of a sudden you need help with everything.

[razor buzzing] - [Angel] Right, some right there.

- [laughs] I think so.

Do I have anything crazy on the back that I missed?

- You have a lot there.

- A lot, a whole lot?

I know there's a whole spot right there that...

Here, if you can help.

- Oh, I can't reach.

You gotta spin around.

- All right.

Thank you.

I appreciate you, babe.

- When they deploy, you do these trainings and things that tell you what will happen if they're killed over there.

They didn't tell you then that in between, like what if they are seriously injured?

Bow your head and squat.

There.

Ah, there we go.

The biggest thing is he has chronic, consistent pain.

Now I have it.

Abby, she's old enough that she can see.

She knows, you know?

Izzy's getting there, but Luther, he very rarely gets it.

He doesn't want his daddy to know that he's unhappy with him or disappointed.

He always comes to me, and he's like, "Daddy was gonna do this, but he didn't, and I really wanted to."

And then I'll just explain to him, "You just have to understand maybe he's just hurting too much right now."

[poignant music] - Get it.

I came in the military when I was 17 years old, and as much as I would've liked to think I was a man, now I know I was a baby.

- Come on.

- Marine Corps teaches you that pain is weakness leaving the body, and compartmentalize it.

Oh, my bad.

But you gotta be vulnerable.

You don't have to always be strong.

Trying to talk to my kids about showing emotion and dealing with life as it comes to you.

Hey.

Real quick, real quick.

Be quick again.

I tell 'em to go to bed at night, and I hear 'em up there talking, and they're expressing how they're feeling.

Almost!

[laughs] It's 11 o'clock at night, like go to bed.

But I hear 'em talking, and I just kind of shake my head and walk out and be like, "They need that."

Hey.

They're each other's counselor.

They're each other's friend.

And that's all you can wish for.

Got it, got it.

[laughs] - [Jermaine] Okay, okay.

- [Brandon] You wanna go?

Let's go.

- [Jermaine] Nah.

Give me this.

- It's okay, buddy.

- [Jermaine] Nah.

- Hey, give me a hug.

You need to talk to somebody, or you're not gonna be able to express your feelings.

You're gonna have to keep it inside and bundle it up, and I don't think that's a good thing.

- It just peels right off.

My husband, he was my battle buddy in the Marine Corps in deployment.

We were in Iraq together.

He walked everywhere with me.

We went to chow, and we had breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

He made sure I got to my tent safely every night.

You wanna season, honey?

- [Brandon] I can season.

- Brandon is an amazing dad.

He's given his all.

He sacrificed a lot to be the husband and the father that truly the boys can emulate.

That looks like it needs a little... Did you put- - Yep.

- How much did you put?

- And he did it.

- No, I didn't.

- Look, that's enough.

The lemon juice will give it enough flavor.

At the end of the day, we have each other.

Now turn 'em, turn it.

And that is a safe space for Terry to be who he is.

For a while I struggled.

I was feeling depressed.

I was in and out of hospitals.

Terry was there for all of that.

He had to see me laying in bed all the time or visited me at the hospital when I wasn't feeling really not well.

And instead of him just emotionally closing off and dealing with that stress, he gave more.

He gave me a reason as a mother to continue to show up for him and to be the person that he deserves in his life.

[poignant music] [horse neighing] - [Therapist] So I was just asking Mom if there's anything that we might wanna focus on for our session.

- With my aunt and niece moving in, Dad's having a hard time with all the changes.

So there's been more just tense moments.

Gab's just been wanting to just kind of be in her room.

So I think she's feeling the stress.

- [Therapist] Okay, does that sound like some stuff we should talk about with Raja?

- Yes.

- Yes.

With Raja, with the horse.

- [Jessica] Yes, with the horse.

Go ahead.

- With the horse.

- [Jessica] I'll wait for you.

- So we're just gonna take a deep breath and just imagine those roots growing down, down, down from the soles of your feet down into the earth.

And just noticing any tension anywhere in your body.

[horse blowing] - Ooh.

- Oh yeah.

Do you hold it in your belly, Gabby?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Notice where he's touching you?

He's like, "Oh, it's right here."

Kind of amazing.

Just feeling what it feels like to have Raja right there, what you getting?

- [Gabby] One of the things I'm getting is fear.

- [Therapist] Where do you feel it in your body?

- I feel it kind of stomach and head.

It's saying because of the changes you're having, it just doesn't feel safe to come out.

- [Therapist] So what do we know about trust?

When things change is it harder to trust?

- Yeah, and it's showing me like when dad had a TBI, Mom was stressed because she had a toddler to direct through the airport to Georgia.

She had to hold up my dad.

He was stuttering and couldn't walk.

And then she had a baby carrier in her arm while carrying her suitcase and Dad's suitcase.

So I got stressed because I didn't wanna see Mom stressed and sad.

- [Therapist] Exactly.

- And I didn't wanna see Dad upset.

And sometimes some nights were so stressful that I got up out of bed, and I went to go sleep on the couch.

- Just ask if it knows where all that stress was coming from.

- It says it came from the energy of my family.

- [Therapist] Yeah.

- Sometimes Mom calls it like my little superpower.

I feel energy, a lot of it.

Especially if it's bad energy and stressful, I can feel it.

- [Therapist] Let's just notice, we are actually designed to pick up on fear, right?

- [Gabby] Yeah.

- If mom's afraid, you're designed to know, aren't you?

- [Gabby] Yeah.

- We're supposed to have those superpowers.

Lots of times we start to learn to do it in our heads instead of listen to our feelings, don't we?

- Yeah.

- But you've been able to listen to the feelings, and the feelings have kept you safe.

They keep you connected.

[poignant music] - I don't like when my mom is sick or when my mom is hurting.

I get very scared.

When I'm sad, Mommy helps me not be sad.

So when Mommy's sad, I'm sad.

Sometimes I talk to my dad, or I talk to my brother about how I feel or what I'm doing to try to help.

- [Brandon] Does it work sometimes?

- Yes, it works sometimes because I need somebody to talk to or... [Terry sniffling] Or... [Terry crying] - It's okay.

As parents, you try to protect your kids.

You try to control... You try to control them not being hurt.

I love my dad, but he was a man's man.

You know, he was strong, and he didn't show his emotion.

I don't like to see my family crying, but I know sometimes it's needed.

You gotta let your kids get it out, or they'll be just like us.

And that, that is the scary part.

I want my kids to be better than me.

- [Taniki] To find each other is home.

- Terry and my son Jermaine has really fought their own battle of mental health in this family.

And it's not fair.

It's not fair they can't be kids all the time.

And I just want them to be worry-free.

With this mental health and PTSD, you can't, and your brain gets tired.

It's tired of fighting, not being able to sleep, being paranoid, being depressed, being upset and being angry for no reason.

It's hard.

- I like that.

[Taniki laughs] - Thank you.

- Thanks, Mommy.

- And sometimes you have to realize that getting help for yourself is about actually helping your family, and that is the only control you have.

[gentle dreamy music] - [Teen] Come look at Daddy when he had two legs.

[children laughing] - I think I wrote you this before you went to bootcamp.

Or did I write you this before you went to Iraq?

- [Joe] I don't know.

Let me see.

- [Angel] Or bootcamp.

- [Joe] Well, it says you loved me.

When did that happen?

[child laughs] - Oh my gosh.

- This is right before I went.

- Oh, I was gonna get him.

[child crying] - So how did you get injured?

- So, my job in the military, as you know, I was a corpsman, so my job was to take care of people who got hurt.

So the first vehicle in the convoy got hit with an IED.

Do you know what that is?

- It's the bomb.

- Yeah, it's a bomb.

And I went running up to the first vehicle, and I got hit on foot with another bomb.

And luckily I was awake.

I was able to roll over and stop myself from bleeding by putting a tourniquet on and was able to live and be able to come home and hold Abby for the first time.

She was three months old the first time I held her.

- So when that happened, did you like black out?

Were you like alert and were like, "Okay, I need to stop the bleeding as soon as possible"?

- In a weird sort of way, you go into this mode, like, I don't have time for any emotions right now.

I don't get to stop and think about how I feel about this.

I just have to do what I have to do.

So I was able to put a tourniquet on to stop the bleeding on that side and then a pressure dressing and then try to give myself medicine.

But I always tell people it feels like getting into a pillow fight with the Incredible Hulk, and he's got a mattress.

[Luther laughs] So, yeah, that was a pretty rough time.

- Do you feel proud that you were trying to go get the people and risk your life for them?

- You know what, in a weird sort of way I do, and that's a really good point.

And I think one thing that makes all of this okay, is that when something bad happens like that, it happened for a good purpose.

I was trying to help other people.

I would do it again.

I'd go after those guys every single time, even knowing that I could get hurt because I don't think that I could live with myself if I didn't.

I mean, I'm glad in that moment when I got hurt, I guess I am kind of proud that I did the right thing because I think it's made all of this have more meaning for me.

[gentle dreamy music] - "Imagine how surprised we were when one day Mommy said, 'Daddy's been hurt.'

Some days are hard on the whole family, and even his silence can make us feel like Daddy's upset with us, but we come to realize he's frustrated with things he cannot change.

Our daddy is the bravest man we know.

We're so glad that he's here to see us grow.

Take it from us, our life has not stopped because of daddy's injuries.

Some changes will happen, but together you will find new adventures and ways to make life wonderful."

[gentle dreamy music continues] [no audio] [no audio] [no audio] [energetic music] [upbeat music] [bright music]