Stories from the Stage: The Podcast

(piano music) - Welcome to "Stories From the Stage" produced by World Channel and WGBH Boston in partnership with Tell&Act.

I am Patricia Alvarado Nunez.

- And I'm Liz Cheng.

We're creators of "Stories From the Stage."

In each episode, multicultural people stand up in front of a live studio audience, and tell personal stories based on a theme.

- Our theme today is School Days, and these are the school days of Cecilia Viveros.

- I'm 17, I'm a high school senior.

I go to a school where it's, like, really important that you have good grades, and your GPA is kind of who you are, and you're kind of seen based on that, and I've always had a very low one.

- Even if this is not you, you probably know someone who can relate.

Low grades, and not feeling good about it.

As it turns out, Cecilia had more going on than just that.

Here is her story.

So, at my school, we have this online grading system that lets you see what you got on your test before you even get it back.

You can see your grade, you can see the high grade, the low grade, and the average grade, so you know about where you fall with your class.

So, it's ninth grade, and I walk into math, and everyone's talking about the scores that have just gone up.

And they're talking about the high, it was a 105, and I joined the conversation like, "A 105, I didn't know grades went above 100, isn't that the best you do?"

And then they start talking about the low grade, and it was a 20, and they're like, "That poor kid, how do you get a 20?"

So, I join in like, "Yeah, what idiot got a 20?"

It was me.

(audience laughs) But the girls next to me were talking about their 80s and how dumb they felt, so I'm thinking, "If you got an 80 and you're dumb, "and I got a 20, then what adjective could there possibly be to describe what I am?"

So, I have my game plan.

My teacher's going to give me my test, I'm going to flip it over and shove it in my bag, and no one's ever going to know.

'Cause I was embarrassed.

And I wasn't embarrassed because I got the lowest score, I was embarrassed because I got the lowest score but I had studied.

So, I ended up failing that year, and my school came up with this plan that I was going to take geometry next year like everybody else, and then my junior year, repeat the class I had just failed.

And that honestly might have been a really good plan, except then I failed geometry.

So, then they had to put me in summer school, and while my friends were getting up early to go to the beach, I was getting up early to go sit in the hot, hot basement of my school that has bars on the windows, and I felt trapped.

But what was worse than that was how confused I found myself, and it wasn't "I'm hot and confused," but I would look at the board, and the numbers were like-- like, moving.

Not like, what's going on, like they were moving on the board, on my paper, in my head, and it was awful.

I ended up being diagnosed with a learning disability specific to math, it's called dyscalculia and, honestly, it just means that sometimes I just don't understand.

But that can be really hard for teachers to get, the "just" part of that, 'cause they want to help you, and they want to know why you don't understand, but I can't tell them why.

I just don't.

So, I passed summer school, and I scraped by junior year, and now I'm a senior.

And I have this teacher, and I really, really love her.

She's kind, she's funny, and most importantly, she cares about whether or not you pass, which is really important to a kid like me.

But then she did this one thing that kind of annoyed me when she handed out this article about your growth mindset to my class, and I'm not going to lie, I didn't read it.

I looked at the word "growth mindset" and I was like, "That's dumb, that's not going to work, I'm over it."

But I really did like my teacher, so I kept going to class, I kept doing my homework, I kept showing up.

And then, a couple weeks later, we had this problem.

And it's called a "do now," and you just do it really fast before class starts, and then one kid has to go up and do it in front of everyone.

And in my entire six years of being a student at my school, I have never once volunteered to go do a problem in front of a class, because even if I might have been right, I was probably wrong.

But this one was different.

I checked in with my neighbor, I looked it over a bunch of times, and I felt right.

So I raised my hand, and even though everyone was a little surprised, they let me go do it.

So I walk up to the front of the room, and I have my pen, and I do the best I can, and I circle my answer like five times, 'cause I'm really proud, and everyone's staring at me.

And I'm like, "Thank God they're staring at me, "'cause finally I'm on the same level as them, I'm good at math now."

And I sit down, and we start going over the problem, and the answer was 16 x-squared minus 4x plus two, all over 3x, and my answer, circled four times in red, was five.

So I'm looking around at everyone, prepared to feel embarrassed and just go, "Oh, yeah, I'm dumb, it happens," but then it was different.

'Cause they all started going over it with me, and we'd go over why it couldn't have possibly been five, which I understood after about 30 seconds, but the point was, I didn't feel ashamed.

And that's when I realized what a growth mindset is.

It isn't willing yourself into being able to do something, 'cause I can be as positive as you want-- I'm still positive I don't know the answer.

It's just that you have to give it a shot.

So, if you haven't figured it out by now, I don't want to be an accountant when I grow up.

You're never going to walk into a bank and see me there, I promise.

But I do want to be an actor.

And this goes for that, too, 'cause in auditions and on stage, you mess up sometimes.

But if you can grow from it, then it doesn't matter if you messed up at all, and that's when I realized what my teacher was trying to tell us.

She didn't want you to make yourself magically good at math, she just wanted us to try.

Thank you.

I kinda thought in telling my story, then it kinda takes away this, like you have to be so ashamed that you aren't so good at numbers.

But it also kind of makes people feel like, "Hey, it's okay that you don't do that well, if you're doing your best."

- Fortunately, Cecilia's story doesn't end there.

After graduating from high school, she headed to a college in New York City, perhaps one of the most challenging cities in the world for any student coming from nearly anywhere else.

- I absolutely agree.

As a former New Yorker, believe me, it's tough.

Well, she took us along on the next challenging chapter of her schooling.

(slow music) - [Cecilia] After I was diagnosed and I started doing better in school, I was doing better.

So, how did it change for you?

- [Tony] Well, you became a happier kid.

- [Liz] This is Cecilia's dad, Tony.

- [Tony] You know, the weight that was lifted off you was palpable.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] You could feel the lightness in you again, you know, because there was a real sense of relief in you that, "I can do this now."

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] And so, to watch that and watch you be happier and not filled with angst and sort of dread about every day going to school and rolling your eyes and shaking your head.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] I can't do this and blah, blah, blah.

And you know, so it seemed like you became a lighter person.

- [Cecilia] Almost all of the response from my story was very positive but there were a few people being like, "Aren't you kind of embarrassed?

Isn't that the kind of thing you should keep to yourself?"

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] Like do you want everyone to know you have a learning disability?

Are your parents okay with everyone knowing?

- [Tony] Yeah, let me say this about those people (Cecilia laughs) they are nitwit.

- [Cecilia] I know.

- [Liz] Cecilia has a lot in common with her dad.

Tony is a standup comedian and actor based in Boston.

You may have heard of him, he goes by Tony V and Cecilia is following in his footsteps.

She's in college now studying theater in New York, she's learning to live independently with her disability - [Cecilia] Every single day, even in New York, sometimes I see 14th Street as 41st and I was like-- - [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] I know that's not where that goes because-- - [Tony] I haven't been walking that far.

- [Cecilia] I was like, I know that 41 isn't between 13 and 15, like know that.

- [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] So, it's like people think it's just on my math test but the reason it's so not embarrassing to me is because it's all the time.

Like my roommate has to read me credit card numbers all the time because I can't do it.

- [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] And it's like that kind of thing where it's-- - [Tony] Wait, wait, wait.

Why are credit cards out?

- [Cecilia] Sorry.

- [Tony] All right, go ahead.

- [Cecilia] We had a Amazon Prime emergency.

- [Tony] All right, okay, all right.

- [Cecilia] And so, it's like that kind of thing where it's not just, I have trouble on math tests, it's like I get on the wrong bus because I can't read the number, I dial phone numbers wrong.

So, it's not embarrassing.

It's more embarrassing to me if I keep it to myself and then everyone's like-- - [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] Why is she-- - [Tony] Listen, if we've not learned anything as a society, don't be embarrassed about anything.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] You know what I mean?

That's the key to, you know, to all the secrecy and craziness that goes on in the world because people are, "I can't say that people think I'm weird."

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] You know, I'll be embarrassed.

Don't ever be embarrassed about who you are, never.

- [Cecilia] Aww, that was cute.

- [Tony] Well, I have another question for you.

- [Cecilia] Yes.

- [Tony] What are you most looking forward to now that you are in college?

Do you feel like you're starting over like it's a new beginning?

- [Cecilia] Yeah, absolutely.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] Before it was sort of like I had almost a reputation of being like, "that's a Cecilia and she's not good at math and she's not very smart and she has bad grades."

Everybody knew it, in here nobody has any idea.

- [Tony] Equal footing.

- [Cecilia] And then if I don't tell them they wouldn't know.

Like I get to decide what people know, which is very nice for me.

- [Tony] Well, you know, that's coming an adult.

That's becoming-- - [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] That's growing up a little bit and you decide what people know about you and what you keep personal.

- [Cecilia] Yeah, it's a very nice feeling.

- [Tony] Sure.

How's your living situation?

Is that-- - [Cecilia] It's nice.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] It is nice.

It's...

I haven't lived in the same room as somebody since I was like eight, I was talking to my roommate, my breakfast has really gone firmly downhill.

- [Tony] Why?

- [Cecilia] Like I've had some phenomenal breakfast at home.

- [Tony] Sure, I'm the best.

- [Cecilia] Because he... My dad always very nicely... You'll always very, very nicely wake up every single morning before school and make me breakfast.

And I don't think I remember even a time when that didn't happen.

- [Tony] Most important meal the day.

- [Cecilia] Yeah, most important meal the day.

And then it's different.

- [Tony] You know, that was my contribution.

That was a conscious decision I made-- - [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] That no matter what you're going through, the way I could...

The thing I could do to make your road a little easier on any level is to give you a good breakfast and drive you to school so he can sleep an extra 45 minutes.

- [Cecilia] And it is...

It seems like such a small thing when it's happening.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] And I'm like, "I wake up and I have breakfast and it's fine," but it's now that I don't have it I'm always like I miss that breakfast.

- [Tony] You don't know what you got till it's gone.

- [Cecilia] Exactly.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] What was college like for you?

Because I don't really...

I don't know.

- [Tony] You know... For me?

- [Cecilia] Yes.

- [Tony] Yeah, I don't really talk about it that much.

I mean, I did finish, but you know, I think it's... You know, and I've said this to both you and your brother, if I thought college was just the sum total of the knowledge you learn, you know, I wouldn't be that hard on it.

- [Cecilia] Right.

- [Tony] But I think it's you learning how to make your own breakfast, you are learning how to, you know, to get along with people in another room.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] You know, you're learning how to get around the city-- - [Cecilia] It's like you are in life-- - [Tony] Life, you've got to-- - [Cecilia] As well as your subject.

- [Tony] And as hard as it is for a parent to do, you know, you gotta...

I gotta let you experience life on your own.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

Well, people always say-- - [Tony] And I don't like it.

- [Cecilia] Like if they don't know you and your job, they always say, "your parents are letting you go to acting school like they are letting you?"

- [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] And I was like, but even though I'm not like necessarily following in your footsteps-- - [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] How do you feel about me entering this sort of business?

Like the more show business?

- [Tony] Well-- - [Cecilia] I've heard you express your concerns before for sure.

- [Tony] Yeah, I know I have.

I mean, because I know, you know, what the road ahead is, you know?

- [Cecilia] Mm-hmm.

- [Tony] Because I experienced it a little bit.

But you know, this is...

I'm also fond of saying this, you know, I was older when we had you, you know what I mean?

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] So, I had seen a lot of life, you know, and as a dad you want to spare your children from any, you know, pain or hardship until you realize it's impossible.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] Like you do your best, you know?

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] But if it's in you, it's in you and if you're going to do it, New York is the place to do it.

- [Cecilia] Is it like worrying for you that I'm like, not alone but like... That I'm in the city and you guys aren't?

- [Tony] Yes, it's very troubling.

(Cecilia laughs) - [Tony] Yes, I'm not going to lie to you.

- [Cecilia] I like that.

- [Tony] Not a... You know, I'm gonna say not, you know, 10 minutes goes by where I go, "I hope she's okay."

You know, and I'm sure that'll get better as-- - [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] As the years wear on or whatever.

But it's new and it feels weird.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] It feels like, you know, there's a piece of me missing.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

You know, my mom texted me the other day and she was like, "I think your brother's going crazy because your dad keeps trying to drive him places and he doesn't want to ride."

And I was like, he can get in the car.

- [Tony] You see, I have no purpose now.

- [Cecilia] Come on.

- [Tony] That was my purpose, now I have to find things around the house to do.

- [Cecilia] I'm sorry.

- [Tony] I'm weeding.

- [Cecilia] I know.

- [Tony] And watering.

- [Cecilia] She was like, "you need to come back and have him drive you everywhere."

- [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] "Because T needs to get in the car."

- [Tony] You and my purpose.

- [Cecilia] Aww.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] So, how was it?

I know I said how it was for me like going.

- [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] But how was it for you dropping me off and then having to go home without me?

- [Tony] It was very hard to drive home.

I think one of the hardest things for us was we stayed an extra day and I think your mother called on the Monday to see if you wanted her to come over to drop something off or-- - [Cecilia] I said no.

- [Tony] And you said no.

And it was like-- - [Cecilia] I know she said, "do you need this?"

And I said no.

- [Tony] No.

- [Cecilia] And I did it on purpose almost, I didn't need it.

I wasn't like jeopardizing myself, But it was sort of like, I felt like if I kept having you guys over, it was going to be significantly more difficult for you to leave.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] Like if I kept being like, "No, I actually do need this and do need this," and not, "I can walk down the block to Target and get it myself."

- [Tony] Right, you can figure it out.

- [Cecilia] And then you'd be like-- - [Cecilia] "Should we leave her here?"

- [Tony] Right.

- [Cecilia] Like it was sort of that kind of thing, but I definitely do remember that phone call when I said no and I was like, that probably-- - [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] I was like that probably didn't go over that well.

- [Tony] Yeah, that felt different.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] That felt like not... Like-- - [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] Yeah, she's not going to need us forever.

- [Cecilia] Aww.

- [Tony] Yeah.

Not your problem, mine by the way.

- [Cecilia] Yeah.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- [Cecilia] Thank you for everything you said.

- [Tony] And thank you for being you.

I mean, you...

I can't... You know, no father could be happier about a daughter and you know that if you called me at two o'clock in the morning and say, "Would come and make breakfast?"

I would.

(slow music) - [Patricia] Tony and Cecilia Viveiros, it is so hard to let go of your own kids.

- [Liz] I agree.

But in the end you must do it, you have to let them live their own lives.

And as Cecilia showed in high school and now college, she can learn to figure it out herself and live her life.

That's it for this time.

Thanks for listening.

I'm Liz Cheng.

- [Patricia] And I am Patricia Alvarado Nunez.

We will be back again soon with more Stories from the Stage.

- [Liz] And in the meantime, check out worldchannel.org and consider sharing this podcast with someone you care about.

(slow music)