Rumpole of the Bailey

[train passing] [children shouting] SEVEN O'CLOCK FRIDAY-- THAT'S WHEN THEY BRING THE MONEY OUT, WALK TO THE VAN HERE.

THE BUTCHER SHOP'S HERE, OPPOSITE THE CHURCH.

THERE'S ONLY TWO OLD GEEZERS WITH ALL THAT MONEY.

COME ON THEN, WHO'S GOING TO DO THE TIRES?

WE CAN HIDE ANYWHERE IN HERE.

[air hissing] [coughing] WAIT!

HEY!

OH NO, YOU DON'T!

LET GO!

YOU WON'T GET THAT FROM ME, CHUM!

[shouting] NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT FROM ME, BOY.

COME ON, GOT IT!

[whistling] WHAT TRAILING CLOUDS OF GLORY DO WE COME FROM GOD WHO IS OUR HOME.

HEAVEN LIES ABOUT US IN OUR INFANCY.

SHADES OF THE PRISON HOUSE BEGIN TO CLOSE AROUND THE GROWING BOY.

RUMPOLE, YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR SON, I HOPE.

YOU'RE NEVER REFERRING TO NICK?

WHAT SHADES OF THE PRISON HOUSE BEGIN TO CLOSE?

NO, NOT 'ROUND OUR BOY.

NOT 'ROUND YOUNG NICK.

SHADES OF THE PUBLIC SCHOOLHOUSE HAVE CLOSED 'ROUND HIM.

A THOUSAND QUID A YEAR REMAND HOME.

HE'S BREAKING UP THIS MORNING.

AH, SHADES OF THE PRISON HOUSE BEGIN TO OPEN UP FOR THE HOLS.

NICK HAS TO BE MET AT VICTORIA AT 11: 15 AND GIVEN LUNCH.

WHEN HE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL, YOU PROMISED HIM A SHOW.

YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

OF COURSE, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

THE ONLY SHOW I CAN OFFER HIM, I'M AFRAID, IS A ROBBERY WITH VIOLENCE, NUMBER TWO COURT AT THE OLD BAILEY.

OH, I WISH IT WAS A MURDER.

NICK SO ENJOYED MY MURDERS.

I MUST FLY.

DADDY GETS SO CROTCHETY IF ANYBODY'S LATE.

AND HE DOES LOVE HIS VISITS.

OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HORSHAM.

GIVE THE OLD SWEETHEART MY REGARDS.

"OLD SWEETHEART" IS HARDLY THE WAY YOU USED TO REFER TO YOUR HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

YES, WELL I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO REMEMBER TO CALL MY HEAD OF CHAMBERS "DADDY."

TELL NICK I'LL BE BACK IN GOOD TIME TO GIVE HIM HIS SUPPER!

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

AND TRY NOT TO MAKE THE KITCHEN LOOK AS IF IT'S BEEN HIT BY A BOMB!

I HEAR, OH MASTER OF THE BLUE HORIZONS.

[door slams] SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED.

[chuckles] [door clanking] [door unlocking] SIR.

DAD.

HELLO, SON.

GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION TO COME AND SEE YOU, YOU BEING A LAD OF TENDER YEARS AND ALL.

WELL, YOU GOT TO KNOW THE ROPES AROUND HERE.

MUM ALL RIGHT, IS SHE?

MUM?

YEAH, OF COURSE SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

COME OVER HERE.

SHE'S GOT YOUR BEST JACKET AT THE CLEANERS.

TAKE THAT OFF.

NOW, REMEMBER, STAND UP STRAIGHT, AND KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS.

THE RED JUDGE AT OLD BAILEY IS CALLED "MY LORD."

DON'T CALL HIM "SIR" OR "YOUR HONOR."

DON'T SHOW YOUR IGNORANCE.

DAD.

THAT PEANUTS MALLOY, HE'S GIVING EVIDENCE FOR THE PROSECUTION.

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUNG PEANUTS.

YOUR BRIEF WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

WE GOT YOU THE BEST BRIEF IN THE BUSINESS.

MR.

RUMPOLE?

NOW, JUST REMEMBER, SON, STAND UP STRAIGHT, AND DO WHAT MR.

RUMPOLE TELLS YOU.

AND GOOD LUCK.

WE'RE ALL OUT THERE.

THE WHOLE FAMILY'S BEHIND YOU.

DON'T FORGET TO PUT THAT TIE ON, WILL YOU?

[door shuts] YES, RIGHT YOU ARE.

OH, WE'VE GOT THE PAPERS IN YOUR INDECENT ASSAULT, MR.

ERSKINE-BROWN, DOWN IN LAMBETH.

OH, REALLY, ALBERT.

GOOD MORNING, ALL.

I TOLD YOU I WANTED SOMETHING ON THE CIVIL SIDE.

I'M SICK TO DEATH OF CRIME.

A PERSON WHO IS SICK OF CRIME IS SICK OF LIFE, ERSKINE-BROWN.

MR.

FROBISHER, YOU'LL BE DOING YOUR NUISANCE AT BLOOMSBURY COUNTY COURT.

CIVIL WORK, GEORGE.

YOU LUCKY BEGGAR.

THAT'S WHAT I NEED.

IT'S MARKED NOT BEFORE 2:00.

YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.

ONE HAS TO HANG ABOUT TO DO A NUISANCE NOWADAYS.

I SHALL GO DOWN TO THE LIBRARY, ALBERT-- [coughs] TO LOOK UP SOME LAW.

MORNING, RUMPOLE.

HELLO, GEORGE.

COMING DOWN TO THE LIBRARY WITH ME, ARE YOU?

I'D RATHER SPEND A DAY AT THE MORGUE, OLD MAN.

[mumbling] ANYTHING FOR ME, ALBERT?

AH, NO, MR.

MACLAY.

ANOTHER DAY OFF FOR YOU, I'M AFRAID.

AH, YOUR DANGEROUS AND CARELESS AT CLERKENWELL'S ON THE MANTELPIECE, MR.

HOSKINS.

NO CHECKS I SUPPOSE, ALBERT?

NOT TODAY, MR.

HOSKINS, NO.

HENRY?

YES, MR.

TREE, WANT ME TO GO DOWN CLERKENWELL COURT WITH MR.

HOSKINS?

WE DON'T WANT YOU NEAR ANY COURT, HENRY.

NOT UNTIL WE'VE LEARNED TO CLEAN OUR FINGERNAILS AND SHINE OUR SHOES OF A MORNING.

BUT YOU COULD MAKE ME A CUP OF INSTANT BECAUSE I'M PARCHED.

NO, NO CHECKS FOR ME EITHER, PERCY.

YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING-- "CRIME DOESN'T PAY."

WELL, NOT FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

LISTEN, TONY, IF YOU'RE AT A LOOSE END, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN ME DOWN AT THE BAILEY LATER ON AND TAKE A NOTE OR SOMETHING.

SURE YOU WOULDN'T MIND?

I'D BE GRATEFUL.

WHERE ARE WE, ALBERT?

THE ROBBERY'S NOT BEFORE 11:30.

SIR, COURT NUMBER TWO.

BEFORE EVERGLADE, MR.

GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE'S AGAINST YOU.

OH, AGAINST ME, FEATHERSTONE?

APPARENTLY.

I HAD AN ALL NIGHT SITTING DOWN AT THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOUR ROBBERY WILL BE MUCH OF A WORRY.

OH, NO, EXCEPT PERHAPS TO YOUNG JIM TIMSON.

ALBERT, MRS.

RUMPOLE HAS GONE DOWN TO SEE HER FATHER IN HORSHAM.

MY AUNT HAD A WHORE SHOP IN TEASHAM.

[laughs] HOW IS WYSTAN?

ANY BETTER, IS HE?

OH, NO, HE'S JUST ABOUT THE SAME, UNCLE TOM.

AND HOW'S YOUNG NICK?

OH, SPLENDID.

AH, NICK!

ALBERT, HE'S BREAKING UP TODAY.

HE'LL NEED MEETING AT VICTORIA AT 11:15.

THEN IF YOU BRING HIM ALONG HE CAN WATCH SOME OF THE ROBBERY IN NUMBER TWO.

YOUR SON'S GOING TO BE IN THE AUDIENCE, IS HE?

I'D BETTER BE BRILLIANT.

OH, I WOULDN'T BOTHER, OLD MAN.

IT'S HIS OLD DAD HE'S COME TO SEE AFTER ALL.

[laughs] TOUCH, RUMPOLE.

DISTINCTAMENT TOUCH.

YES, WELL, I'D BETTER GET DOWN TO THE BAILEY.

I'LL WALK WITH YOU.

WON'T YOU NEED A STRETCHER OR SOMETHING AFTER AN ALL NIGHT SITTING WITH THE GAS MAINS ENABLING BILL OR WHATEVER?

[laughs] TONY, SEE YOU LATER ON.

OH, RIGHT.

YOU'VE BEEN AT THIS GAME A LONG WHILE, RUMPOLE.

OH, YES, QUITE A WHILE.

YOU EVER THOUGHT OF TAKING SILK?

WHAT?

RUMPOLE Q.C.?

NOT ON YOUR NELLY.

RUMPOLE, QUEER CUSTOMER.

THAT'S WHAT THEY'D BE BOUND TO CALL ME.

YOU COULD, YOU KNOW, WITH YOUR SENIORITY.

GOOD MORNING, SIR.

OH, I DARE SAY.

IF I PLAYED GOLF WITH THE RIGHT JUDGES.

PUT UP FOR PARLIAMENT, THEY MIGHT MAKE ME AN ARTIFICIAL SILK.

OR, AT ANY RATE, A NYLON.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I FORGOT.

YOU DID PUT UP FOR PARLIAMENT.

YES.

YOU'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF IT?

NO!

NEVER.

I HAVE THE HONOR TO BE AN OLD BAILEY HACK.

THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH FOR ME.

[traffic] [mumbling] Rumpole: IN NEWGATE STREET, THE CITY FATHERS, A STATELY LAW COURT, DID DECREE.

AND THERE IT IS-- THE DOME AND THE BLINDFOLD LADY.

YES, WELL, IT'S MUCH BETTER SHE DOESN'T SEE ALL THAT'S GOING ON.

COMPLETE WITH MURALS, MARBLE STATUES AND UNDERGROUND ACCOMMODATIONS FOR SOME OF THE CHOICEST VILLAINS IN LONDON.

TERRIBLE THINGS GO ON HERE.

HORRIFYING THINGS.

WHY IS IT I NEVER GO THROUGH THESE PORTALS WITHOUT A THRILL OF PLEASURE, A SLIGHT TREMBLE OF EXCITEMENT.

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS SEEM A MUCH JOLLIER PLACE THAN MY FLAT IN GLOUCESTER ROAD?

UNDER THE STRICT RULE OF "SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED"?

MORNING, HARRY.

MORNING, GENTLEMEN.

MORNING, HARRY.

I'LL HAVE TO GIVE UP.

I'LL HAVE TO GIVE UP, YOU KNOW.

CROCKED UP, I'M AFRAID.

OH, NONSENSE, DADDY.

YOU'LL GO ON FOR YEARS.

NO, HILDA, NO.

THEY'LL HAVE TO START LOOKING FOR ANOTHER HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

RUMPOLE'S THE SENIOR MAN.

THAT IS, OF COURSE, APART FROM UNCLE TOM, AND HE DOESN'T REALLY PRACTICE NOWADAYS.

YOUR HUSBAND, THE SENIOR MAN.

HOW TIME FLIES.

I RECALL WHEN HE WAS THE JUNIOR MAN, MY PUPIL.

YOU SAID HE WAS THE BEST YOUNGSTER ON BLOODSTAINS YOU'D EVER KNOWN.

RUMPOLE, OH YES.

YOUR HUSBAND WAS PRETTY GOOD ON BLOODSTAINS.

SHAKY THOUGH ON THE LAW OF LANDLORD AND TENANT.

WHAT SORT OF PRACTICE HAS RUMPOLE NOW?

OH, HE HAS A TREMENDOUSLY BUSY PRACTICE.

RUMPOLE HARDLY EVER STOPS.

HE'S IN COURT TODAY.

WHICH COURT?

I BELIEVE TODAY IT'S... THE OLD BAILEY.

IT'S ALWAYS THE OLD BAILEY, ISN'T IT?

MOST OF THE TIME, I SUPPOSE SO.

NOT A FRIGHTFULLY GOOD ADDRESS, THE OLD BAILEY.

NOT EXACTLY THE S.W.

1 OF THE LEGAL PROFESSION.

OH, RUMPOLE ONLY WENT DOWN TO THE BAILEY TODAY BECAUSE HE KNOWS THE FAMILY.

IT SEEMS THEY'VE GOT A YOUNG BOY IN TROUBLE.

SON GONE WRONG?

OH, VERY SAD THAT.

ESPECIALLY IF HE COMES FROM A REALLY GOOD FAMILY.

[muted chatter] Rumpole: AH, THE TIMSONS, EN FAMILLE IN ALL THEIR GLORY.

IT'S LIKE AN OLD SCHOOL REUNION.

I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY EX-CLIENTS AT ONE GO.

MR.

RUMPOLE.

AH, MR.

BERNARD.

YOU'RE INSTRUCTING ME.

ALWAYS IN A TIMSON CASE, MR.

RUMPOLE.

NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR THE TIMSONS.

BEST SOLICITOR, BEST BARRISTER GOING.

SHALL I DO THE HONORS?

YES, DO.

THERE'S VI, MY WIFE.

Rumpole: I GOT VI OFF ON A HANDLING CHARGE AFTER THE CROYDON BANK RAID.

WELL, THERE WAS REALLY NO EVIDENCE.

UNCLE CYRIL.

LONG TIME NO SEE.

Rumpole: WHAT WAS HIS LAST OUTING EXACTLY?

CARRYING HOUSE-BREAKING INSTRUMENTS BY NIGHT?

UNCLE DENNIS.

OH, YOU REMEMBER DEN SURELY.

Rumpole: OH YES, CONSPIRACY TO FORGE LOG BOOKS.

AND DEN'S DORIS.

Rumpole: COULD IT HAVE BEEN RECEIVING A VAST QUANTITY OF STOLEN SCAMPI?

YES, ACQUITTED BY A MAJORITY.

YOURS TRULY, FREDERICK TIMSON, THE BOY'S FATHER.

Rumpole: OH, WE HAD A SLIP-UP WITH FRED'S LAST SPOT OF BOTHER.

I WAS AWAY WITH THE FLU.

SHALL WE ALL SIT DOWN?

Rumpole: GEORGE FROBISHER TOOK OVER.

HE GOT THREE YEARS.

OH, HE MUST HAVE ONLY JUST GOT OUT.

SO NOW YOU KNOW THE WHOLE FAMILY, MR.

RUMPOLE.

Rumpole: A FAMILY TO BREED FROM, THE TIMSONS.

WITHOUT THEM, THE OLD BAILEY WOULD GO OUT OF BUSINESS.

...TIME TO TIME.

I'M QUITE SURE YOU'RE GOING TO DO YOUR VERY BEST FOR OUR YOUNG JIMBO.

HE'S A GOOD BOY.

HE WAS EVER SO GOOD TO ME WHILE DAD WAS AWAY.

Rumpole: HEAD OF THE FAMILY AT 14.

WITH DAD OFF ON ONE OF HIS REGULAR VISITS TO HER MAJESTY.

IT'S YOUNG JIM'S FIRST APPEARANCE-LIKE AT THE BAILEY.

Rumpole: AH, HIS BAR MITZVAH.

HIS FIRST COMMUNION.

ALL THOSE OTHER BOYS GOT CLEAN AWAY WITH IT.

YES, WELL, THAT'S A BIT OF LUCK.

THEY CAN'T BE ASKED IF JIMBO WAS ONE OF THE PARTY.

IDENTIFICATION BY THE BUTCHER IS PRETTY HOPELESS.

YES, WELL, WOULD YOU HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHIC IMPRESSION OF A YOUNG HOPEFUL THAT STRUCK YOU ON THE SKULL WITH A CRICKET STUMP?

[laughter] ALL THEY'VE REALLY GOT IS THIS ALLEGED CONFESSION THAT JIM MADE TO PEANUTS MALLOY.

PEANUTS MALLOY, LITTLE GRASS.

OLD CHALKY WHITE FIT HIM UP WITH THAT ONE, DIDN'T HE?

CHALKY?

CHIEF DETECTIVE INSPECTOR WHITE, L DIVISION.

WHY WOULD INSPECTOR WHITE WANT TO FIT UP YOUR JIMBO?

BECAUSE HE'S A TIMSON, MR.

RUMPOLE.

'CAUSE HE'S THE APPLE OF OUR EYE, LIKE.

BEING AS HOW HE'S THE BABY OF THE FAMILY.

OLD CHALKY WOULD FIT UP HIS OWN MOTHER IF IT'D GET HIM A SMILE OFF HIS SUPERINTENDENT.

MORNING, FRED.

MORNING, CHIEF INSPECTOR.

MORNING, MRS.

TIMSON.

MORNING, CHIEF INSPECTOR.

OH, MR.

TIMSON, I THINK WE'LL SHIFT OUR GROUND, REMOVE, GOOD FRIENDS.

[murmuring] Rumpole: NOW THEN, MR.

TIMSON.

HOW EXACTLY DO YOU SAY CHIEF INSPECTOR CHALKY WHITE FITTED UP YOUR JIMBO?

WHICH IS THE COFFEE?

AH, THANK YOU, LOVE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

THANK YOU.

WELL, WE PUT THAT LITTLE GRASS PEANUTS INTO JIM'S PAINTING CLASS IN REMAND HOME, DIDN'T HE?

I SEE, SO YOUR JIMBO IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE POURED OUT HIS HEART TO PEANUTS.

AND WE-- THANK YOU.

WE PLANNED TO DO THE OLD BLOKES FROM THE BUTCHER'S AND SNATCH THE TAKINGS.

AS IF I'D BRING UP JIM TO TALK LIKE THAT IN THE NICK.

THE TIMSONS AIN'T STUPID.

NO, HIS DAD'S ALWAYS TOLD HIM-- NEVER SAY A WORD TO ANYONE YOU'RE BANGED UP WITH, BOUND TO BE A GRASS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

FRED'S ALWAYS BROUGHT THE BOY UP PROPER.

AIN'T HE, DEN?

JUST LIKE HE SHOULD BE.

AND ESPECIALLY THE MOLLOYS.

POOH, THE MALLOYS.

THEY'RE NOTED GRASSES, THAT FAMILY.

ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

THE MOLLOYS IS BEYOND THE PALE.

WELL KNOWN FOR IT.

LOOK, HOW DID THIS-- [laughs] HOW DID THIS FAMILY FEUD BEGIN EXACTLY?

WITH PEANUTS' GRANDDAD.

HE SHOT MY OLD FATHER OVER STREATHAM CO-OP ROBBERY.

PRE-WAR THAT WAS, WASN'T IT?

STREATHAM CO-OP?

I BELIEVE I WAS IN THAT.

AH, YES, THERE WASN'T MUCH HONOR SHOWN AMONG THIEVES, IF I REMEMBER.

THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND, MR.

RUMPOLE.

NO TIMSON HAS EVEN SPOKE TO A MOLLOY EVER SINCE.

NOW YOU'RE QUITE SURE THAT YOUR JIMBO WOULDN'T SAY A WORD TO PEANUTS?

I GIVE YOU MY WORD OF HONOR ON IT, MR.

RUMPOLE.

AIN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

NO TIMSON WOULD EVER SPEAK TO A MOLLOY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

NO.

NO, NEVER NO.

ME?

SPEAK TO PEANUTS?

YEAH.

NO TIMSON EVER SPEAKS TO A MOLLOY.

IT'S A POINT OF HONOR, LIKE.

EVER SINCE THE STREATHAM CO-OP CASE, EH?

YOUR GRANDFATHER.

DAD TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT, DID HE?

YES, DAD TOLD ME.

WELL, HE WOULDN'T LET ME SPEAK TO NO MOLLOY.

HE WOULDN'T PUT UP WITH IT, LIKE.

WELL, JIMBO... WHAT'S THE DEFENSE?

WELL, I NEVER DONE IT.

THAT'S AN INTERESTING DEFENSE.

SOMEWHAT UNUSUAL, ISN'T IT, AS FAR TIMSONS ARE CONCERNED.

I'VE GOT MY ALIBI, AIN'T I?

AH YES, YOUR ALIBI.

DAD RECKONED IT WAS PRETTY GOOD, MY ALIBI.

YES, LET'S HEAR IT AGAIN.

[together] STRAIGHT AFTER SCHOOL ON THAT-- "STRAIGHT AFTER SCHOOL ON THAT FRIDAY JUNE THE 2ND, "I WENT UP TO TEA AT MY AUNT DORIS'S "AND ARRIVED THERE AT EXACTLY HALF PAST FIVE.

"AT 6:00, MY UNCLE DEN CAME HOME FROM WORK "ACCOMPANIED BY MY UNCLE CYRIL.

"AT 7:00 WHEN THIS ALLEGED CRIME WAS TAKING PLACE, "I WAS SAT 'ROUND THE TELEVISION "WITH MY AUNTY AND TWO UNCLES.

"I WELL REMEMBER WE WAS WATCHING THE NEWCOMERS."

Rumpole: THE FAMILY GAVE HIM THAT ALIBI.

CLUBBED TOGETHER FOR IT LIKE A NEW BICYCLE.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

[muted chatter] WE CAN'T USE THAT ALIBI.

WHY NOT?

WELL, JUST THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE.

CALL THE AUNTIES AND UNCLES, HAVE THEM CROSS-EXAMINED ON THEIR RECORDS.

THE JURY WILL SEE AT ONCE THE LAD COMES FROM A FAMILY OF VILLAINS WHO KEEP A CUPBOARD FULL OF ALIBIS FOR ALL OCCASIONS.

YES, OF COURSE, YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE INFURIATING THING ABOUT THE ALIBI IS IT MIGHT EVEN BE TRUE.

[muted chatter] MR.

FEATHERSTONE?

MAY IT PLEASE YOU, MY LORD.

MEMBERS OF THE JURY, I APPEAR IN THIS CASE TO PROSECUTE.

THE DEFENDANT IS REPRESENTED BY MY LEARNED FRIEND, MR.

HORACE RUMPOLE.

MR...?

WHO DID YOU SAY, MR.

FEATHERSTONE?

MR.

RUMPOLE, MY LORD.

R-U-M... Rumpole: THAT'S RIGHT, SPELL IT OUT FOR HIM, OLD DARLING.

MR.

JUSTICE EVERGLADE, KNOWN TO HIS FEW FRIENDS AS FLORIE, IS A STRANGER TO THE OLD BAILEY.

HIS FATHER WAS THE LORD CHANCELLOR 'ROUND ABOUT THE TIME JIM'S GRANDFATHER WAS DOING OVER THE STREATHAM CO-OP.

EDUCATED WINCHESTER AND BALIOL.

CRACKS THE TIMES CROSSWORD IN THE OPENING OF AN EGG.

MOST HAPPY WITH INTERNATIONAL TRUST COMPANIES SUING EACH OTHER OVER NICE POINTS OF THE LAW.

HERE FOR A FORTNIGHT'S SLUMMING DOWN THE OLD BAILEY.

[chuckles] WONDER WHAT'S HE'S GOING TO MAKE OF YOUNG PEANUTS MOLLOY.

...CARRYING THEIR TAKINGS TO A GRAY AUSTIN VAN, PARKED IN FAWCETT YARD, JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

MEMBERS OF THE JURY, I THINK IT ONLY FAIR THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT IS ALLEGED THAT TIMSON TOOK PART IN THIS ATTACK WITH A NUMBER OF OTHER YOUTHS, NONE OF WHOM HAVE BEEN ARRESTED.

Rumpole: THE BOY STOOD ON THE BURNING DECK WHENCE ALL BUT HE HAD FLED.

IT IS QUITE RIGHT YOU SHOULD TELL THE JURY THAT, MR.

FEATHERSTONE.

PERFECTLY RIGHT AND PROPER.

IF YOUR LORDSHIP PLEASES.

Rumpole: WHAT'S THIS?

THE OLD CHUMS LEAGUE?

FELLOW MEMBERS OF THE ATHENAEUM?

I'M MOST GRATEFUL TO YOUR LORDSHIP FOR... OH, WHY DON'T YOU CRAWL UP ON THE BENCH AND BLACK HIS BOOTS FOR HIM, OLD DARLING.

SO I IMAGINE THE YOUNG MAN'S DEFENSE IS THAT HE WASN'T EJUSDEM GENERIS WITH THE OTHER LAD.

WELL-- I'M SORRY, MY LORD.

YOU WERE ASKING ABOUT THE DEFENSE.

MR...RUMPOLE?

I AM RELUCTANT TO INTRUDE ON YOUR CONFIDENTIAL CONVERSATION WITH MY LEARNED FRIEND, MY LORD.

BUT, AS JIM TIMSON'S COUNSEL, I THOUGHT THAT PERHAPS I MIGHT KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT HIS CASE THAN... THE COUNSEL FOR THE PROSECUTION.

I IMAGINE YOUR CLIENT SAYS HE WASN'T EJUSDEM GENERIS WITH THE OTHER LAD.

EJUSDEM GENERIS, MY LORD?

OH YES, HE'S ALWAYS SAYING THAT.

EJUSDEM GENERIS IS A PHRASE IN CONSTANT USE IN HIS PARTICULAR PART OF BRIXTON.

[laughter] WELL DONE, DAD.

OH, THANKS, NICK.

LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

SORRY I COULDN'T TURN ON A MURDER FOR YOU.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

...AT AN IDENTITY PARADE.

NEVERTHELESS, THERE IS STRONG EVIDENCE AGAINST HIM.

[coughing, grumbling] MEMBERS OF THE JURY, THIS CASE ISN'T BASED ON ANY ALLEGED CONFESSION TO THE POLICE.

OR INDEED TO ANYONE IN AUTHORITY.

I SHALL BE CALLING A YOUNG MAN, MOLLOY, OF THE SAME AGE GROUP AS THE DEFENDANT TO WHOM YOU WILL HEAR HE ADMITTED HIS GUILT IN THE CLEAREST POSSIBLE TERMS.

NOT THE EASIEST SORT OF CASE, NICK, AS YOU SEE.

Featherstone: WELL, THIS YOUNG MAN... IS THAT YOUR CLIENT, DAD?

YES, THAT'S HIM AS USUAL.

ALL MY CLIENTS ARE INVARIABLY IN THE DOCK.

LOOKS AS IF HE OUGHT TO BE IN THE FIFTH FORM.

Featherstone: FELL INTO CONVERSATION WITH TIMSON DURING A PAINTING CLASS.

OH, DEAR.

OLD FLORIE EVERGLADE DOESN'T KNOW HIS BUSINESS.

FANCY NOT GIVING US ENOUGH TIME TO GET ACROSS THE ROAD FOR A DECENT LUNCH.

THIS IS FINE, HONESTLY.

AND ONE THING YOU CAN SAY AGAINST CRIME.

THE RESTAURANT FACILITIES AREN'T UP TO MUCH.

[laughs] DIDN'T YOU WANT TO HAVE LUNCH UPSTAIRS IN THE BAR MESS?

WITH YOU HERE?

NEVER.

I'D RATHER DIE THAN HAVE LUNCH IN THE BAR MESS.

IT'S LIKE THE PREFECTS' ROOM IN A JUNIOR PUBLIC SCHOOL.

OH, NOT YOUR PREFECTS' ROOM, OF COURSE.

[chuckles] TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL... MMM... UM... WHAT TROUBLE?

A LITTLE TROUBLE, YES.

LET ME TELL YOU AT ONCE.

THERE'S NO NEED TO SAY A WORD THAT MIGHT BE TAKEN DOWN AND USED IN EVIDENCE.

YOU KNOW THE OLD VICARAGE OPPOSITE THE SCHOOLHOUSE?

IT'S BEEN EMPTY FOR YEARS.

IT'S PRACTICALLY FALLING TO PIECES.

YOU HELPED IT FALL?

WE USED TO GET IN THERE SOME SUNDAY EVENINGS.

USED IT FOR PARTIES.

GET IN THERE?

HOW EXACTLY?

THE KITCHEN WINDOW.

DIDN'T NEED MUCH OPENING.

THAT'S A TECHNICAL BREAK-IN UNDER THE FORCIBLE ENTRIES ACT.

WHAT-- WHAT TIME DID YOU EFFECT THIS ENTRY?

LATE, AFTER CHAPEL.

BURGLARY AT COMMON LAW AND, OF COURSE, CIVIL TRESPASS.

WHAT...WHAT SORT OF PARTIES EXACTLY?

WE HAD A POKER SCHOOL.

YOU HAVEN'T RUN INTO BANKRUPTCY, HAVE YOU?

I OWE CRABTREE TWO POUNDS TEN.

I MEAN, A LOT OF PEOPLE PLAY.

CONTRARY TO THE BETTING, GAMING AND LOTTERIES ACT, 1963.

WE USED TO GET A BOTTLE OR TWO OF CHERRY BRANDY IN THERE.

SERVING LIQUOR ON UNLICENSED PREMISES.

WELL, CRABTREE ACTUALLY ASKED A COUPLE GIRLS FROM THE VILLAGE, BUT BAGNOLD NEVER GOT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.

OH, BUT THERE'S NO EVIDENCE OF GIRLS.

AS FAR AS YOUR CASE IS CONCERNED, THERE IS NO REASON TO SUPPOSE THE GIRLS EVER EXISTED.

AS FOR THE OTHER CHARGES, THEY ARE SERIOUS.

YES, I SUPPOSE THEY ARE, RATHER.

WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU WERE WALKING PAST THE PLACE IN THE EVENING.

YOU HEARD A NOISE, AND YOU WENT IN TO INVESTIGATE.

DAD, BAGNOLD CAME IN AND FOUND US PLAYING POKER.

I KNOW.

MY LORD, MY CLIENT WAS ONLY PLAYING POKER SO AS NOT TO APPEAR TOO PIOUS WHILE HE LECTURED HIS FELLOW SIXTH FORMERS AGAINST THE EVILS OF GAMBLING AND CHERRY BRANDY.

BE SERIOUS.

SERIOUS?

WELL, DON'T YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND YOU?

NO.

BAGNOLD'S NOT GOING TO CALL THE POLICE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

WELL, WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO?

WELL, I'LL JUST MISS NEXT TERM'S EXEAT, DO SOME EXTRA WORK.

I JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD TELL YOU BEFORE YOU GOT A LETTER.

YES, THANKS, NICK.

THANK YOU, I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME.

SO THERE'S NO QUESTION OF THE POLICE?

POLICE?

OF COURSE NOT.

NO, BAGNOLD DOESN'T WANT ANY TROUBLE.

AND, AFTER ALL, WE'RE STILL AT SCHOOL.

STILL AT SCHOOL.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

YOU AND YOUNG TIMSON.

YES, I'M SORRY.

STUPID OF ME.

STILL, THE FISH AND CHIPS DON'T LOOK TOO BAD.

[chuckles] Rumpole: MR.

MOLLOY... MAY I CALL YOU PEANUTS?

IF YOU LIKE.

YOU, UH, GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS JIM?

YEAH.

BUT YOU'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS?

NO, NOT REALLY.

NO, THE...YOU DON'T SPEAK TO EACH OTHER.

TIMSONS AND THE MOLLOYS ARE RATHER LIKE THE MONTAGUES AND THE CAPULETS, HMM?

WHAT DID YOU SAY THEY WERE, MR.

RUMPOLE?

NOT EJUSDEM GENERIS, MY LORD.

[laughter] SILENCE.

OH, PEANUTS, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

IS THAT A PROPER-- I MEAN ARTISTICALLY.

ARE YOU A LATTER DAY IMPRESSIONIST?

DO ALL YOUR OIL PAINTINGS IN LITTLE DOTS, DO YOU?

OR PERHAPS AN ABSTRACT?

WHITE SQUARES ON A WHITE BACKGROUND.

OR DO YOU INDULGE IN WATCHES MELTING IN THE DESERT LIKE OUR GOOD OLD FRIEND SALVADOR DALI?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

NEITHER, I MUST CONFESS, MY LORD, DO I. Rumpole: SIT QUIETLY, FEATHERSTONE.

ALL WILL BE REVEALED TO YOU.

ARE YOU A DEDICATED ARTIST?

THE REMBRANDT OF THE REMAND HOME?

I AIN'T DONE NO ART BEFORE.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I RATHER THOUGHT.

SO, ARE WE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS OCCASION WHEN JIMBO POURED OUT HIS HEART TO YOU WAS THE FIRST PAINTING LESSON YOU'D BEEN TO?

YEAH.

AND HOW LONG HAD YOU BEEN IN THE REMAND HOME?

A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

GOT DONE FOR A BIT OF AN AFFRAY.

YEAH, I DIDN'T ASK YOU THAT.

AND I'M QUITE SURE YOUR REASONS FOR BEING IN REMAND ARE ENTIRELY CREDITABLE.

NO, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS: WHY THIS SUDDEN FASCINATION WITH THE ARTS?

WELL, THE CHIEF SCREW.

YOU MEAN YOU WERE TOLD TO JOIN THE PAINTING SCHOOL AND PUT YOURSELF NEXT TO JIMBO, IS THAT IT?

SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YEAH.

WELL, WELL?

WHAT DID HE SAY?

"SOMETHING LIKE THAT," MY LORD.

AND YOU WERE THERE NOT IN PURSUIT OF ART, PEANUTS, BUT IN PURSUIT OF EVIDENCE.

NOW, YOU KNEW THAT PERFECTLY WELL, AND YOU SUPPLIED YOUR MASTERS WITH JUST WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR, EVEN THOUGH JIMBO NEVER SAID A WORD TO YOU.

MY LORD, I DON'T KNOW QUITE WHAT MY LEARNED FRIEND IS SAYING.

IS HE IN FACT SUGGESTING-- OH, IT'S AN OLD TRICK.

PUT YOUR SUSPECT, BANG HIM UP WITH A NOTABLE GRASS IF YOU'RE REALLY PUSHED FOR EVIDENCE.

THEY'VE BEEN DOING IT WITH GROWN-UPS OFTEN ENOUGH.

NOW THEY'RE TRYING IT WITH CHILDREN.

MR.

RUMPOLE, YOU'RE SPEAKING A LANGUAGE WHICH IS TOTALLY FOREIGN TO ME.

THEN LET ME TRY AND MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, MY LORD.

I'M SUGGESTING THAT THE WITNESS PEANUTS MALLOY WAS PUT INTO THE PAINTING CLASS AS A DELIBERATE TRAP.

YOU'RE SUGGESTING MR.

MOLLOY WAS NOT A GENUINE AMATEUR PAINTER?

NO INDEED, MY LORD, MERELY AN AMATEUR WITNESS.

[laughter] I SEE.

GO ON, MR.

RUMPOLE.

TELL ME, WHAT DID YOU FIRST SAY TO JIM AS YOU DREW YOUR EASEL ALONGSIDE HIM?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

DON'T YOU?

BUT YOU DID SAY SOMETHING.

YOU WERE ON SPEAKING TERMS.

I THINK WE WAS SPEAKING ABOUT THE STONES.

WHAT STONES WERE THOSE?

THE ROLLING STONES.

I'M AFRAID A GREAT DEAL OF THIS CASE IS TAKING PLACE IN A FOREIGN TONGUE, MR.

RUMPOLE.

OH, JAZZ MUSICIANS AS I UNDERSTAND, MY LORD, OF SOME NOTORIETY.

THE NOTORIETY HASN'T REACHED ME.

[chuckling] YES, WELL, GO ON.

WELL, WE WAS TALKING ABOUT THEIR CONCERT AT THE HAMMERSMITH ODEON.

WE'D BOTH BEEN TO IT, LIKE.

WE TALKED ABOUT THAT.

OH, AND THEN JIM SAID, WELL, HE SAID HOW HIM AND THESE OTHER BLOKES HAD DONE UP THE BUTCHER'S.

"JIM SAID HE AND THE OTHER BLOKES "HAD DONE THE BUTCHER'S."

WELL... WOULD THIS BE A CONVENIENT MOMENT TO ADJOURN, MR.

RUMPOLE?

Rumpole: YES, CONVENIENT FOR PEANUTS.

HE'LL HAVE HIS SECOND WIND TOMORROW.

MR.

RUMPOLE?

OH, YES, MY LORD.

YES, PERFECTLY CONVENIENT.

IF YOUR LORDSHIP PLEASES.

THAT WAS VERY GOOD, HILDA.

YES, BIT OF AN IMPROVEMENT ON THE OLD BAILEY CANTEEN, NICK, HEY?

ALTHOUGH THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH I'M AFRAID.

WELL, I'D BETTER SEE ABOUT CLEARING UP.

GRANDPA SENT YOU HIS LOVE, NICK.

WILL YOU REMEMBER TO WRITE?

HE'S DEFINITELY RETIRING AS HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

HE QUITE APPRECIATES THAT YOU'RE THE SENIOR MAN.

DAD.

YES, OLD SON?

WILL YOU STILL BE CROSS-EXAMINING PEANUTS TOMORROW?

OH, I'LL TRY TO KEEP IT GOING.

BUT I HAVE A HORRIBLE FEELING I'VE RATHER SHOT MY BOLT AS FAR AS YOUNG PEANUTS MOLLOY IS CONCERNED.

YOU REALLY THINK HE'S LYING?

OH, IF HE'S NOT, HE'S GIVING A DAMN GOOD IMITATION OF IT.

NICK ENJOYED THE SHOW, DIDN'T YOU, NICK?

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ONLY A ROBBERY.

I WISH YOU COULD BE THERE WHEN I WAS CROSS-EXAMINING ON THE BLOODSTAINS IN THE PENGE BUNGALOW MURDER.

NICK WASN'T BORN WHEN YOU DID THE PENGE BUNGALOW MURDER.

NO, I KNOW.

BAD LUCK, OLD SON.

YOU WERE GREAT WITH THAT JUDGE.

AH, OLD FLORIE.

THIS EXTRAORDINARY JUDGE KEPT TALKING LATIN.

DAD WAS TEASING HIM.

YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL NOW HOW YOU TEASE JUDGES IF YOU'RE TO BE HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

HEAD OF CHAMBERS, DAD, HONESTLY?

OH, I SUPPOSE IT'S POSSIBLE.

[laughs] CAN I COME WITH YOU TOMORROW?

DOWN THE OLD BAILEY?

OF COURSE YOU CAN.

I'VE GOT YOUR DENTAL APPOINTMENT TOMORROW.

11:00 YOU'VE GOT TO BE IN HARLEY STREET TO SEE MR.

DRAGE.

"SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED."

NOW, NEVER MIND.

YOU WON'T MISS MUCH, NICK.

IT'S A PRETTY RUN OF THE MILL SORT OF CASE.

ALTHOUGH, AS I'M SURE YOU'VE NOTICED, IT DOES HAVE ONE RATHER EXTRAORDINARY FEATURE.

GO ON, WATSON.

YOU INTEREST ME STRANGELY.

[laughs] YOU STILL READ THOSE TALES?

WELL, NOT LATELY.

DO YOU REMEMBER I USED TO READ THEM TO YOU AFTER SHE HAD ORDERED YOU TO BED.

WHEN YOU WEREN'T TOO BUSY NOTING UP YOUR MURDERS.

AND THE WALKS ON HAMPSTEAD HEATH.

YOU WERE HOLMES, AND I WAS WATSON.

I REMEMBER ONE WALK.

TELL ME, HOLMES, WHAT IN YOUR OPINION WAS THE MOST REMARKABLE PIECE OF EVIDENCE GIVEN BY THE WITNESS PEANUTS MOLLOY?

WHEN HE SAID THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT THE ROLLING STONES.

YOU ASTONISH ME, HOLMES.

YOU SEE, WATSON, WE WERE LED TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE SUCH ENEMIES.

YEAH.

THE FAMILIES WEREN'T... EJUSDEM GENERIS.

[laughs heartily] GO ON, HERE.

HAVE A BIT MORE OF THIS.

IT STIMULATES THE DETECTIVE ABILITIES.

THEY WERE CHATTING ABOUT A POP CONCERT.

WELL, DIDN'T THAT STRIKE YOU AS STRANGE, MY DEAR WATSON?

YOU ASK ME, IT STRUCK ME AS BLOODY RUM.

THEY'D BOTH BEEN TO THE CONCERT.

DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, NOT NECESSARILY.

I MEAN, I WAS AT THAT CONCERT.

WERE YOU INDEED?

I GOT TIME OFF FROM SCHOOL.

I DON'T RECALL YOU MENTIONING IT.

I SAID I WAS GOING TO THE FESTIVAL HALL.

OH, VERY WISE.

AS FAR AS YOUR MOTHER'S CONCERNED, I SHOULD THINK THAT AT THE HAMMERSMITH ODEON THEY PROBABLY REENACT SOME OF THE WORST EXCESSES OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU SAW YOUNG PEANUTS OR JIMBO THERE, DID YOU?

THERE WERE ABOUT 2,000 FANS.

ALL SCREAMING.

YES, OF COURSE.

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT HELPS.

I MEAN, IF THEY WERE OLD MATES, JIMBO MIGHT HAVE CONFIDED IN HIM.

NO, PEANUTS WAS LYING, AND YOU SPOTTED IT.

YOU'VE GOT THE INSTINCT, NICK.

YOU'VE GOT A NOSE FOR THE EVIDENCE.

YOUR CAREER AT THE BAR IS BOUND TO BE BRILLIANT.

TELL ME, OLD MAN, WHEN ARE YOU TAKING SILK?

[laughs] MR.

WYSTAN WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO SEND ME A LETTER THIS MORNING, SIR.

OH?

FROM HORSHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL.

AH, YES, DADDY.

HE'S NOT QUITE UP TO SNUFF, I'M AFRAID.

HE MENTIONED HIS RETIREMENT.

OH, REALLY?

I THINK WE'LL MANAGE PRETTY WELL WITH YOU, MR.

RUMPOLE, AS HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

DO YOU THINK SO, ALBERT?

THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU AND ME WON'T BE ABLE TO SORT OUT, SIR, OVER A GLASS OR TWO IN POMEROY'S WINE BAR.

AND SOON WE'LL BE WELCOMING MASTER NICK IN THE CHAMBERS?

NICK, WELL, YES, HE'S CERTAINLY SHOWING SOME LEGAL APTITUDE, NO DOUBT.

IT WILL BE A REAL FAMILY AFFAIR, MR.

RUMPOLE, IF YOU WANT MY OPINION.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.

HOW VERY NICE.

MR.

RUMPOLE, I'VE CHECKED THAT DATE.

YEAH?

YOU CLEVER OLD DARLING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR.

BERNARD.

WHEN JIM TOLD YOU HE'D DONE UP THE BUTCHER'S, DID HE SAY THE DATE THAT IT HAPPENED?

MY LORD, THE DATE IS VERY CLEARLY SET OUT IN THE INDICTMENT.

MY LORD, I'M CROSS-EXAMINING ON BEHALF OF MY YOUNG CLIENT WHO'S CHARGED WITH A VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE.

I WOULD BE GRATEFUL IF MY LEARNED FRIEND DID NOT VOLUNTEER INFORMATION WHICH IS KNOWN TO ALL OF US HERE IN COURT EXCEPT THE WITNESS.

VERY WELL.

PLEASE GO ON, MR.

RUMPOLE.

DID HE TELL YOU THE DATE?

NO, HE NEVER TOLD ME WHEN.

I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETIME IN THE SUMMER.

SOMETIME IN THE SUMMER.

ARE YOU... [clears throat] ARE YOU A FAN OF THE ROLLING STONES?

YEAH.

REMIND ME, THEY WERE... THE MUSICIANS, MY LORD.

Rumpole: SHUT UP, FEATHERSTONE.

AH, THANK YOU, MR.

FEATHERSTONE.

AND-- AND IS JIM TOO A FAN?

HE WAS, YEAH.

YOU DISCUSSED MUSIC BEFORE YOU MET IN THE REMAND HOME?

BEFORE THE NICK?

OH, YEAH.

TALKED ABOUT IT IN SCHOOL TOGETHER?

YEAH.

AND IN QUITE A FRIENDLY WAY?

WELL, WE WAS ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

YEAH.

DID YOU EVER GO TO A CONCERT WITH JIMBO?

WE WENT-- JUST A MINUTE.

NOW, THINK CAREFULLY.

YEAH, WE WENT TO ONE OR TWO CONCERTS TOGETHER.

IN THE EVENING?

YEAH.

AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WOULD YOU CALL TO HIS HOME TO COLLECT HIM?

YOU'RE JOKING.

WHAT?

YOU MUST BE JOKING.

IN THIS CASE, I'M NOT JOKING AT ALL.

OF COURSE I WOULDN'T CALL AT HIS HOME NO, THE FAMILIES DON'T SPEAK.

YOU WOULDN'T BE WELCOME AT EACH OTHER'S HOUSES.

THE MONTAGUES AND THE CAPULETS, MR.

RUMPOLE?

IF YOUR LORDSHIP PLEASES, YOUR LORDSHIP PUTS IT EXTREMELY APTLY.

SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU'RE GOING TO A CONCERT TOGETHER?

WELL, WE'D LEAVE SCHOOL TOGETHER, LIKE.

AND JUST HANG AROUND THE CAFES.

HANG AROUND THE CAFES?

THE CAFS, MR.

RUMPOLE?

YES, OF COURSE, THE CAFS, MY LORD.

BEFORE YOU WENT UP WEST?

IF YOUR LORDSHIP WOULD ALLOW ME TO TRANSLATE.

BEFORE THEY WENT TO THE WEST END OF LONDON TOGETHER.

YEAH.

SO YOU WOULDN'T BE SEPARATED WHEN YOU WENT TO A CONCERT TOGETHER?

WE HUNG AROUND TOGETHER.

DID THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU WENT TO THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT AT THE HAMMERSMITH ODEON?

YEAH.

THAT WAS THIS SUMMER, WASN'T IT?

IN THE SUMMER, YEAH.

SO YOU LEFT SCHOOL TOGETHER.

THEN HUNG AROUND THE CAFES, THEN WENT UP TO THE ODEON.

AND YOU WERE TOGETHER THAT EVENING THE WHOLE TIME?

I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I?

YES, INDEED, YOU TOLD ME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MY LORD, PERHAPS MY LEARNED FRIEND MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN KNOWING THE DATE OF THE ONE AND ONLY ROLLING STONES CONCERT AT THE HAMMERSMITH ODEON THIS YEAR.

HE MIGHT LIKE TO COMPARE IT WITH THE DATE OF THE OFFENSE, AS SO CONVENIENTLY SET OUT IN THE INDICTMENT.

[crowd whispering] BUT YOU HAD AN ALIBI.

YOU HAD A PROPER, REASONABLE, TRUTHFUL ALIBI, AND JOY OF JOYS IT EVEN CAME FROM THE PROSECUTION.

NOW WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

MY DAD WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT.

YOUR DAD WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT?

AND BECAUSE OF THAT YOU'RE PREPARED TO BE FOUND GUILTY.

YOU WERE PREPARED TO BE CONVICTED OF ROBBERY WITH VIOLENCE?

DAD GOT THE FAMILY TO ALIBI ME.

KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY.

OH WELL, I BETTER COLLECT MY THINGS.

ANYWAY, THANKS A LOT, MR.

RUMPOLE.

DAD SAID I COULD RELY ON YOU TO WIN THE DAY, LIKE.

CHEERS.

NOW, WAIT, I DIDN'T WIN THE DAY.

IT WAS LUCK, IT WAS A SHEER FLUKE, JIMBO.

IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU'RE JOKING, MR.

RUMPOLE.

MY DAD TOLD ME ABOUT YOU.

HE SAYS YOU NEVER LET THE TIMSONS DOWN.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR?

TO HELP YOU ALONG IN A CAREER LIKE YOUR DAD'S?

AW GOD, I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THOSE QUESTIONS.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE FOUND OUT THE DATE OF THAT CONCERT.

THEN YOU'D REALLY BE HAPPY, WOULDN'T YOU?

THEN YOU'D REALLY BE ABLE TO FOLLOW YOUR DAD'S FOOTSTEPS ALL YOUR LIFE.

SHARP SPELLS IN BORSTAL TO LEARN THE MYSTERIES OF HOUSE BREAKING, AND THEN ONTO A SOLID LIFE OF CRIME.

OH, YOU MIGHT DO REALLY WELL.

YOU MIGHT END UP IN PARKHURST IN THE MAXIMUM SECURITY WING.

DOING A GLAMOROUS 20 YEARS, AND A HERO TO THE SCREWS.

WE'VE GOT HIS THINGS AT THE GATE, MR.

RUMPOLE.

COME ON, TIMSON.

YOU CAN'T STAY ALL NIGHT.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FACE MY DAD REALLY.

ME BEING SO FRIENDLY WITH PEANUTS.

NO, JIM, WAIT.

JUST A MINUTE.

JUST A MINUTE.

LOOK, COME HERE.

NOW LISTEN, IF YOU'RE PLEASED WITH THE WAY I DID YOUR CASE-- I AM, MR.

RUMPOLE.

FRANKLY, I'M QUITE SATISFIED.

OH, I'M GLAD.

WOULD YOU CONSIDER DOING ME A FAVOR?

WHY?

AIN'T WE ON LEGAL AID?

OF COURSE, WE'RE ON LEGAL AID.

IT'S NOT THAT, LISTEN.

HAVEN'T YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING AWAY FROM YOUR HOME?

I COULDN'T DO THAT.

NOT EVER.

WHY NOT?

MY MUM DEPENDS ON ME.

LIKE WHEN DAD GOES AWAY.

SHE DEPENDS ON ME THEN AS HEAD OF THE FAMILY.

HEAD OF THE FAMILY.

CHEERS.

OH... DON'T LOOK SO MISERABLE, MR.

RUMPOLE.

YOU WON, DIDN'T YOU?

NOBODY WON, INSPECTOR.

THE TRUTH EMERGES SOMETIMES.

EVEN DOWN THE OLD BAILEY.

BUT HE'S A TIMSON.

RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

WE'LL GET HIM SOONER OR LATER.

YES, I SUPPOSE YOU WILL.

THERE WE ARE.

THANKS VERY MUCH.

HELLO, GEORGE.

HELLO, RUMPOLE.

COME AND JOIN US.

MARVELOUS WIN THAT.

JUST BEEN TELLING 'EM.

YES, I HEAR YOU'VE HAD A SPLENDID WIN, RUMPOLE.

TRAILING CLOUDS OF GLORY DO WE COME.

IT WILL BE YEARS BEFORE YOU GET THE CHECK.

WHAT WAS IT ABOUT EXACTLY, I FORGET.

YOU DON'T GET PAID FOR YEARS AT THE OLD BAILEY.

I TRY TO TELL MY GROCER THAT.

IF YOU HAD TO WAIT AS LONG TO BE PAID FOR A POUND OF SUGAR, I TELL HIM, AS WE DO FOR ARMED ROBBERY... ALBERT TELLS ME HE'S HAD A LETTER FROM WYSTAN.

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY, RUMPOLE-- I THINK WE'D ALL LIKE TO SAY-- YOU'LL MAKE A SPLENDID HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

SHADES OF THE PRISON HOUSE BEGIN TO CLOSE AROUND THE GROWING BOY, BUT HE BEHOLDS THE LIGHT AND WHENCE IT FLOWS AND SEES IT IN HIS JOY.

RUMPOLE QUOTES WORDSWORTH, DOES IT QUITE OFTEN.

BUT DOES THE GROWING BOY BEHOLD THE LIGHT, GEORGE?

OR IS THE OLD SHEEP OF THE LAKE DISTRICT BEING UNDULY OPTIMISTIC?

WELL, I THINK IT WILL BE VERY REFRESHING TO HAVE A HEAD OF CHAMBERS WHO QUOTES POETRY.

[laughter] HAVE YOU SEEN THE TIMES, RUMPOLE?

NO, HAVEN'T HAD TIME, THE CROSSWORD.

GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, HE'S TAKEN SILK.

THE STOCKINGS ARE THE PROBLEM.

AH, YES.

YES, THEY WOULD BE.

KEEPING THEM UP.

I DO UNDERSTAND.

YES, WELL, MARIGOLD-- WHO?

MY WIFE, MARIGOLD.

YOUR WIFE?

MY WIFE, MARIGOLD.

OH, THAT MARIGOLD!

YES.

SHE'S A NURSE, YOU KNOW.

AND SHE PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH A SHOP WHICH SUPPLIES SUSPENDER BELTS TO NURSES.

[laughs] AMONGST OTHER THINGS.

REALLY?

YES, YES.

YARDS OF ELASTIC FOR A LARGER WARD SISTER.

[laughs] IT WORKS MIRACULOUSLY.

YOU'RE WEARING A SUSPENDER BELT, YOU SEXY DEVIL.

[laughs] GOOD LORD, I NEVER REALIZED THE IMPLICATIONS OF RISING TO THE HEIGHT OF THE LEGAL PROFESSION.

IT'S BEEN SOME TIME SINCE WE'VE HAD CHAMPAGNE IN CHAMBERS.

SOME TIME SINCE WE HAD A SILK IN CHAMBERS.

I RECALL ONCE-- GEORGE, YOU'LL LIKE THIS-- WE HAD A FELLOW IN CHAMBERS ONCE CALLED BULSTRODE.

IT WAS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

SOMEONE GAVE HIM 100 GUINEAS FOR SIX MONTHS' PUPILAGE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS BULSTRODE FELLOW DID?

NO.

STOOD CHAMPAGNE ALL AROUND.

THE NEXT DAY HE RAN OFF TO CALAIS WITH HIS JUNIOR CLERK.

WE NEVER SAW HIDE NOR HAIR OF HIM AGAIN.

THANK YOU.

WHOSE PUPIL WERE YOU?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

HE WAS MY PUPIL, UNCLE TOM.

WELL, GEORGE WOULDN'T DO A THING LIKE THAT.

AT LEAST I DON'T THINK, WOULD YOU?

I MISSED THE BEGINNING OF THAT, UNCLE TOM.

WELL, I WAS TELLING HIM ABOUT THIS BULSTRODE.

OH, YES.

SOMEONE GAVE HIM 100... ALBERT.

[mumbling] AH!

AH, ALBERT, WELL MET.

BY JOVE, YOU DO LOOK DISTINGUISHED.

ONE HAS TO CUT A CERTAIN FIGURE TO GO DOWN TO THE HOUSE OF LORDS, HEY, MR.

RUMPOLE?

HOPE I'LL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF GOING DOWN WITH YOU ONE DAY, SIR.

NEVER, ALBERT.

I PROMISE YOU.

NOT EVER.

NOW THEN, HENRY.

WE DON'T WANT YOU GETTING MISS MARCHBANKS TIDDLY.

[laughs] YOU MAY FILL ME UP THOUGH.

REALLY, MR.

TREE, SURE YOU WOULDN'T RATHER HAVE A GLASS OF INSTANT?

NO, NO.

THANK YOU, HENRY.

THERE YOU GO, SIR.

LOVELY.

YOUR HUSBAND'S STAR HAS RISEN SO QUICKLY, MRS.

FEATHERSTONE.

ONLY 10 YEARS CALL, AND HE'S AN MP AND LEADING COUNSEL.

PR, YOU SEE.

HE'S FRIGHTFULLY GOOD AT PR.

AT WHAT?

WELL, GUTHRIE ALWAYS SAYS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING AT THE BAR IS TO BE POLITE TO YOUR INSTRUCTING SOLICITOR.

OH.

DON'T YOU FIND THAT, MR.

RUMPOLE?

POLITE TO SOLICITORS?

THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

GUTHRIE ADMIRES YOU SO, MR.

RUMPOLE.

OH.

HE ADMIRES YOUR STYLE OF ADVOCACY.

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT MAKES A BIT OF A CHANGE FROM BOWING THREE TIMES AND OFFERING TO BLACK THE JUDGE'S BOOTS FOR HIM.

HE'S SAYS YOU'RE MOST AMUSING OUT OF COURT TOO.

OH.

DON'T YOU QUOTE POETRY?

ONLY IN MOMENTS OF GREAT SADNESS.

OR EXTREME ELATION!

GUTHRIE'S SO LOOKING FORWARD TO LEADING YOU IN HIS NEXT BIG CASE.

LEADING ME?

DID YOU SAY LEADING ME?

WELL, HE HAS TO HAVE A JUNIOR NOW, DOESN'T HE?

NATURALLY HE WANTS THE BEST JUNIOR AVAILABLE.

NOW HE'S A LEADER.

NOW HE'S LEFT THE JUNIOR BAR.

AH, JUST FOR A PAIR OF KNEE BREECHES HE LEFT US.

JUST FOR AN ELASTIC SUSPENDER BELT AS SUPPLIED TO THE NURSING PROFESSION.

RUMPOLE?

AH, MY LEARNED LEADER!

[laughs] CAN I HAVE A WORD?

YES, OF COURSE.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

MARIGOLD.

[laughs] MARIGOLD, COME JOIN US.

YES.

YEAH, ALBERT, I TELL YOU WHAT... HELLO, UNCLE TOM.

NOW, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I'M... I DON'T SEE WHY RECENT EVENTS SHOULD MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO THE SITUATION IN THE CHAMBERS.

YOU'RE THE SENIOR MAN IN THE PRACTICE, RUMPOLE.

AH, YOU WRONG ME, BRUTUS.

YOU SAID AN OLDER SOLDIER, NOT A BETTER.

[laughs] A QUOTATION, RUMPOLE.

VERY APT.

IS IT?

NO, WHAT I MEAN IS... I DON'T SEE WHY ALL THIS SHOULD MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

YOU'LL HAVE MY FULL SUPPORT AS HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

OH, THAT-- MR.

WYSTAN!

MY DEAR FELLOW!

MR.

WYSTAN'S HERE.

A CHAIR FOR MR.

WYSTAN.

COME ALONG NOW.

GOOD TO SEE YOU, SIR.

HERE YOU ARE, SIR.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

ALBERT... ALBERT WROTE TO ME ABOUT THIS LITTLE CELEBRATION.

I WAS DETERMINED TO BE WITH YOU.

THE DOCTOR'S GIVEN PERMISSION FOR NO MORE THAN ONE GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.

CHAMPAGNE.

CHAMPAGNE.

CHAMPAGNE COMING UP, SIR.

THERE WE ARE.

TO THE GREAT CHANGE IN CHAMBERS.

NOW WE HAVE A SILK.

GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, Q.C., M.P.

[all] GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, Q.C., M.P.

FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW AND SO SAY ALL OF US AND SO SAY ALL OF US THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

Wystan: YOU, FEATHERSTONE, HAVE BROUGHT A GREAT DISTINCTION TO CHAMBERS.

ISN'T THAT NICE, GUTHRIE?

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN-- YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE YOUNG MEN, UNCLE TOM?

VAGUELY, YEAH.

WE USED TO HANG AROUND IN CHAMBERS FOR WEEKS ON END.

I WELL RECALL WE USED TO OCCUPY OURSELVES WITH AN OLD GOLF BALL AND A MASHIE-NIBLICK, TRYING TO HIT CHIP SHOTS INTO THE WASTE BINS.

[laughter] ALBERT WAS A BOY THEN.

A MERE CHILD, MR.

WYSTAN.

AND WE USED TO PRAY FOR WORK.

ANY SORT OF WORK, DIDN'T WE, UNCLE TOM?

WE WERE TEMPTED TO CRIME.

ONLY WAY WE COULD GET INTO COURT.

[laughter] AS YOU GROW OLDER, THE MORE YOU DISCOVER IT'S NOT HAVING WORK THAT MATTERS.

IT'S THE QUALITY THAT COUNTS.

HEAR, HEAR.

I'M ALWAYS SAYING WE SHOULD DO MORE CIVIL.

NOW GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, Q.C., M.P., WILL, OF COURSE, COMMAND BRIEFS IN ALL DIVISIONS.

HEAR, HEAR.

PLANNING, CONTRACTS.

EVEN CHANCERY.

OH, COME NOW, WYSTAN.

I WAS SO AFRAID AFTER I'M GONE THESE CHAMBERS MIGHT BECOME KNOWN AS MERELY A CRIMINAL SET.

DISGRACEFUL.

AND, OF COURSE, THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, TOO MUCH CRIMINAL WORK DOES RATHER LOWER THE STANDING OF A CHAMBERS.

COULDN'T YOU INSTALL PITHEAD BATHS?

OH, HORACE.

WE COULD ALL HAVE A GOOD SCRUB DOWN AFTER WE GOT BACK FROM THE BAILEY.

[laughter] NOW, HORACE RUMPOLE, AND I MEAN NO DISRESPECT WHATEVER TO MY SON-IN-LAW-- Rumpole: DADDY!

[laughter] OH, RUMPOLE.

DOES PRACTICE ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY IN THE CRIMINAL COURTS.

ONE DOESN'T GET THE REALLY FASCINATING POINTS OF LAW, NOT IN CRIMINAL WORK.

I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT THAT WE SHOULD TRY TO ATTRACT SOME REALLY LUCRATIVE TAX CASES-- AH!

TAX CASES.

TAX CASES MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND.

I MEAN, COMPARED TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF TAX, CRIME'S TOTALLY TRIVIAL.

I MEAN, WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF A BOY LOSES A YEAR, TWO YEARS OF HIS LIFE?

HMM?

TOTALLY UNIMPORTANT.

ANYWAY YOU GROW UP TO BE BANGED UP FOR A GOOD FIVE, HEY?

SHUT UP WITH HIS OWN CHAMBER POT IN SOME CONVENIENT HOLE WE ALL PREFER NOT TO THINK ABOUT.

NOW THEN, HORACE, YOUR PRACTICE NO DOUBT REQUIRES A GOOD DEAL OF SKILL.

SKILL?

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SKILL?

ANY FOOL CAN DO IT.

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.

CRIME'S A SORT OF GAME!

I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU COMPARE IT TO THE REAL WORLD OF OFFSHORE SECURITIES AND DEDUCTIBLE EXPENSES?

ALL YOU YOUNG MEN IN CHAMBERS CAN LEARN AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT FROM HORACE RUMPOLE WHEN IT COMES TO CRIME.

GOOD GOD, YOU MAKE ME SOUND JUST LIKE FRED TIMSON.

Wystan: REALLY?

AH, CHAMPERS, ALBERT.

WHOEVER'S FRED TIMSON?

THE TIMSONS ARE RUMPOLE'S FAVORITE FAMILY.

AN INDUSTRIOUS CLAN OF SOUTH LONDON CRIMINALS.

AREN'T THEY, RUMPOLE?

Wystan: SOUTH LONDON CRIMINALS?

DO YOU REALLY WANT PEOPLE LIKE THE TIMSONS FOREVER HANGING AROUND OUR WAITING ROOM?

I MERELY ASK THE QUESTION.

OH, DO YOU REALLY?

MERELY ASK IT?

EXCUSE ME.

THE TIMSONS AND THEIR LIKE ARE NO DOUBT GRIST TO RUMPOLE'S MILL.

BUT IT'S THE BALANCE THAT COUNTS.

HERE WE ARE, SIR.

NOW, YOU'LL BE LOOKING FOR A NEW HEAD OF CHAMBERS.

I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO THINK IT OVER CAREFULLY AND PUT YOUR VIEWS TO ME IN WRITING.

WE SHOULD ALL TRY AND REMEMBER IT'S THE GOOD OF THE CHAMBERS THAT MATTERS.

ARE WE-- ARE WE STILL LOOKING?

NOT THE FEELINGS, HOWEVER DEEP THEY MAY BE, OF ANY PARTICULAR PERSON.

THE GOOD OF CHAMBERS.

[all] TO THE GOOD OF CHAMBERS!

Hilda: GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE?

HEAD OF CHAMBERS?

BY UNIVERSAL ACCLAIM.

I'M SORRY.

OH, HE CAN HAVE THE HEADACHES.

TRYING TO WORK OUT ALBERT'S EXTRAORDINARY BOOKKEEPING SYSTEM.

IF ONLY YOU COULD'VE BECOME A Q.C.

Q.C.?

C.T., THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

C.T.?

WHATEVER'S C.T.?

COUNSEL FOR THE TIMSONS.

OH, RUMPOLE, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU'RE NOT IN COURT TODAY?

NO, NOT TODAY.

IT MUST BE TIME TO SEE NICK OFF.

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

"THE MYSTERIOUS ADVENTURES OF THE SPECKLED BAND"?

HMM?

INDUSTRIAL SOC-- SOCIOLOGY, NICK?

OLD BAGNOLD WAS TALKING ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD READ IF I GET INTO OXFORD.

IT'S VERY INTERESTING.

YOU ASTONISH ME, HOLMES.

I'LL RING FOR THE TAXI.

OF COURSE, YOU'RE GOING TO READ LAW, NICK.

I THOUGHT PERHAPS P.P.E., THEN GO ONTO SOCIOLOGY.

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY.

P.P.E.

SOUNDS VERY GOOD, NICK.

VERY GOOD INDEED.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET'S STOP KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY.

AND THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG, NICK.

THAT'S THE DEVIL OF IT.

THEY'RE ALL BEING BORN AROUND US ALL THE TIME.

LITTLE MR.

JUSTICE EVERGLADES, LITTLE TIMSONS.

LITTLE GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONES.

ALL BEING SET OFF TO FOLLOW IN THEIR FATHERS' FOOTSTEPS.

WELL, LET'S HAVE NO MORE OF THAT.

NO MORE FOLLOWING IN FATHER'S FOOTSTEPS, HMM?

SEE YOU AT HALF-TERM THEN.

RIGHT.

VICTORIA STATION, PLEASE.

NO MORE.