Return

(no audio) (van rumbling softly) (van continues rumbling softly) (rooster crowing faintly) (rooster crowing) (dog barking) (rooster crowing) (children chattering) (puppy barking) (van rumbling) - Wow!

Is that impressive or what?

(whistles) (Jim Jr.

chuckles) (van rumbling) My god.

I don't remember him being that tall.

(car door slams) (bell chiming) (children chattering) (phone trilling) - [Jane] Hello?

- [Jim] Is this Jane?

- [Jane] This is she.

- This is Jim Markel from Billings, Montana.

How are you today?

- [Jane] I'm fine.

How are you?

- We're great.

We've got my son here.

Why don't I start off with telling you why we're going?

- Okay.

- Mainly, it started off as a father and son trip.

He wanted to know what I did, where I was, and what happened in Vietnam.

So we kind of started that and it's been about 10 years that we finally got together and we're gonna do it.

It was also recommended that the by the VA, by the psychiatrist for my PTSD.

- [Jane] You know, I've met so many American guys who've come back with all different levels of PTSD and some that didn't have any obvious issues.

And every one of them said it was the most healing experience they had had, and they wished that they had come back sooner.

(gentle music fades) (somber music) - [Announcer] Major funding for "Return" comes from the Greater Montana Foundation, encouraging communication on issues, values, and trends of importance to Montanans.

And from The Montana Arts Council.

"Return" is a recipient of the Big Sky Film Grant from the Montana Film Office at the Montana Department of Commerce.

Additional funding from the R. Simpson Gifting Fund.

Funding also provided by the Montana Television Network, Avitus Group, Elizabeth Smith, First Interstate Bank, and Plath Kemmick Law.

Additional funding for "Return" provided by these donors.

(gentle music) A complete list of funders is available at aptonline.org.

(gentle music fades) - We, today, have concluded an agreement to end the war and bring peace with honor in Vietnam.

- Why did 58,000 Americans lose their lives there?

Why was it necessary that 300,000 more should be wounded?

Countless others forever scarred mentally, physically, emotionally.

- For what?

Nothing was gained.

Everything was lost.

(gentle music) - I'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming and yelling, you know, I'd be in the middle of the war again.

- Nightmares, night sweats.

An omnipresent sense that something bad is around the corner.

(gentle music) - Well, I'll never be the same farm boy, that's for sure.

- [Veteran] Nobody wanted to talk about it, including your own family and friends.

Nobody wanted to know about it.

Not one person asked you how you were.

For them, you know, it was over, but you know, inside you it wasn't over.

(footsteps thumping) - [Jim] When you get older, you get kind of stagnant I think.

There's no adventure left.

I try to eat the same things, believe it or not, every day that's gonna make me healthy.

Two days a week I cook omelets because my wife runs and she loves omelets.

I love to hunt.

I fish.

My main occupation right now is teaching my grandson how to drive, which is a terrifying experience.

Of course, I spent a lot of time with my wife, she's not retired yet, she's still working.

What?

- Lemon toasts.

Sorry guys.

(chuckles) He's deaf.

- You know, you know, I can't hear.

- Yeah, we know about that.

- And so.

- Quiche.

- Yes?

And I had to ad lib a little.

- You had to what?

(Linda chuckles) See, what else do I do?

I might watch a movie.

(lighthearted music) I like those movies where the good guy wins 'cause in Vietnam we weren't allowed to win.

It was recommended by the doctor.

He said it was okay, you should go back.

See what everything is and what's going on and what's happening now as opposed to when you were there.

(pensive music) I found these out in the shed.

I call them my stupid metals.

I lost what I was supposed to be doing and did something, something I shouldn't have done and they give you medal for that.

This is the beret I got 1970.

It doesn't fit anymore, unfortunately.

I probably haven't touched it in 15 years.

This is the first time that I've had it in my hands.

So I just keep it up there, kinda a reminder.

It's kinda my prized possession.

(gentle music) - [Narrator] Selected for linguistic aptitude and a talent for tact and diplomacy, special forces personnel are adept at winning friends from the village chief down to the lowliest peasant.

- I thought I was doing the right thing at the right time.

Maybe the draftees didn't think they were being sent to a great place, but I got sent to where I wanted to go.

The old mom apple pie and all that stuff, you know?

- [Narrator] Young men trained in a new concept of war.

Proud, sure of themselves, but still to be tested in battle.

They were destined for the high country of central Vietnam.

(upbeat marching music) Last week, some of them came home.

- Losing the people, I think was a problem with me.

They call it survivor's guilt.

In other words, I came back and they didn't come back.

Here's one of my favorite pictures.

These are the Montagnards, the mountain people we work with.

This sergeant here.

He was shot just after I left.

There's one we called Fat Boy, mp in Vietnamese.

He's about 13 years old.

It was just more like a family then you just left and abandoned them.

Why did I come back after this tour?

I figured my family needed me.

I was very tempted to stay there though.

- [Jim Jr.]

Everybody says, "Who's your hero?"

And I'm like, "Well, it's my father.

It's the guy that taught me how to be who I am."

- Here's my house right here.

- [Jim Jr.]

My mother had custody of me and she would take off to Mexico or somewhere like that and I wouldn't see her for a few months.

As I got older, started getting into a little bit of trouble and I think at 12 years old, when he got custody of me, by then, I was pretty wild.

And if there was one person that could've like reined me in, it was my father, he was a pretty tough bastard, so.

- Turn it off a minute.

Ah!

- Very few photographs exist of me as a child 'cause when my parents split up, it was a very acrimonious happening and I believe my mother threw in the garbage just about everything that was my father's, including something like 10,000 slides of Vietnam, which I think really in a lot of ways has allowed him not able to process some things.

For me, it was this mysterious place where my father had spent quite a bit of time.

(pensive music) - [Jim] This is a book I found in the basement.

- Toilet leaked on top of it, so.

Falling apart.

- It is.

It is falling apart.

Something gotta be, there, that's a decent picture.

Old style uniform.

It's me at the beach.

I even had abs then.

(chuckles) People I work with.

This one here, it was captured by the VC and they just literally destroyed it.

They captured this helicopter and they got it back minus everything.

And I think we were there that day taking radio was out of it and what was left.

And that's all I have to say about that.

- [Jim Jr.]

It's very uncomfortable for him to talk about Vietnam.

So, by going there, he'll be able to just show me, which may be easier than just talking about it.

- You know, I've been planning this thing for about 10 years.

- I know, we talked about it before, you know?

- Yeah.

But I wasn't quite ready to go then.

You know, I was too apprehensive about what happened on the way I'd react and whatever.

- Yeah.

There she is.

There she is.

- Hi, Pops.

- How you doing, Amanda?

- Good.

Looking good.

- We're talking.

- Sour cream?

-Why not.

I wouldn't say that we're super close.

Family meal here.

There's always been that gap between us because he was gone so much.

I went to about 17 schools growing up.

You know, you don't fit in anywhere when you've lived as many places as I have.

- Bye pops.

Drive safe.

- Thanks, Jim.

- Bye, dad.

- Thanks for the lunch.

- The old man and I had a combative relationship, but I knew the rules.

And if I chose to break the rules I took my lumps.

- Because I hear the stories that you talk about in your youth, like this man that's like this hard (...).

And I have a really hard time reconciling that version of him with who I know him to be, you know?

- Yeah.

Different time, different place.

- Yeah.

- [Jim Jr.]

It's hard to watch him get old though, you know?

(airport sounds) - [Jim Jr.]

I have to look at my progenitor and say, okay, you've made me what I am, and I understand you're hurting and you need help dealing with this before you take the big sleep, basically.

- [Announcer] Hold on.

- [Jim Jr.]

Like I said, it's hard to watch your father get old and leaving something undone.

- [Jim] I wanna make sure that what I did was okay.

That it was worthwhile to do.

Another reason I'd like to go back, we abandoned the Montagnards.

Are they still being persecuted?

Are they still second class citizens like they were?

Basically, how many are still alive?

- Okay.

(airplane whirring) - [Jim] This thing with Vietnam's kinda sticking in the back of my head.

I'd kinda like to do this just to maybe, I don't know, just finish it.

(airplane rumbling) - [Announcer] Good morning, Vietnam, (airplane rumbling) - [Pilot] Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed at Tan Son Nhat International Airport, Saigon.

- 8 million people.

- How many?

Eight?

- 8 million.

You ready?

(locals chattering) (locals continues chattering) - [Jim] Oh my God.

(driver speaking Vietnamese) (melancholic music) (melancholic music continues) (melancholic music continues) - [Jim] When you're young, you're what?

You're invincible.

You cannot be hurt, killed, maimed, destroyed.

That's the way you feel.

I'm from Pennsylvania, never been out of the state and seeing all those people doing all that stuff, sort of like if I, you ever been to Disneyland?

(engines purring) (engines continues purring) (horns blaring) - First of all, to say, welcome to Saigon, to all of you.

Although we just know each other for a very short time, but it's my big honor, big pleasure as well to give you the lesson, how to cross the street in Vietnam.

Particularly in big cities like this, first of all, keep moving forward.

(motorcycles sputtering) Secondly, if you still feel fear, just keep praying.

(motorcycles sputtering) Any god, any divinity.

Still feel kind of very big fear?

Just keep closing your eyes.

- [Jim Jr.]

Yeah.

(motorcycles sputtering) - [Jim Jr.]

It was a long trip, dad.

That's- - You think 40 hours, huh?

- Yeah.

- [Jim] Well, here's to a interesting trip.

(glasses clinks) (upbeat music) - [Jim Jr.]

Tasty.

(uptempo music) - [Narrator] 25 miles north of Saigon.

US infantrymen discover a Vietcong tunnel complex.

(tense music) - The tunnel were about 48 kilometer long.

They just human power and very simple tools.

A sharp-handled hoe and bamboo buckets.

- And then, like this.

Feet first.

- [Tour Guide] And you have to raise up your, yeah, your hands, like this.

- Like this.

- Okay.

Here, here.

Put here.

- Okay.

- And then.

- [Tour Guide] Okay, so bye-bye!

Will you say goodbye to him?

He will be waiting for me in Cambodia.

Okay.

Hey, smile, smile.

- Hello, I'm here.

- [Tour Guide] Slowly, slowly.

(tour guide speaking Vietnamese) Hundreds of holes like this like this.

I mean, the point is to go in and out secretly, without being found out by the enemy.

Enemy here means Americans.

(gentle music) - [Narrator] Like a crazy batch of devils, they fired into women and children.

They fired into side chickens and ducks.

All the prosperous and rich villages of Cu Chi were destroyed by the bombs and bullets of Washington, D.C.

Just like the- - [Jim] This is my way of seeing what went on on the other side that I didn't see.

- Saw a major combat force deployed to the far east to implement our government support of a free south Vietnam.

A new meaning, the high principle of justice, with key defense.

- [Soldier] Easy, easy.

- [Pilot] Four minutes, we have the two patients on board.

One has a gunshot on the leg and one has a gunshot wound in the back.

(helicopter rattling) (somber music) (somber music) - You all right with this?

- Huh?

- You all right with this?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

(somber music) - And they were fighting for their country.

(somber music) We thought we were.

(somber music) (somber music continues) I had some, I had about a dozen pictures just like this.

To an 18-year-old it was like going out and trophy hunt.

Look what I did.

Look what I did.

Now, I look back at that stuff and I wonder what the hell were we thinking, you know?

- [Jim Jr.]

That one, that one that's (indistinct).

- That's the kind we used.

That's Special Forces.

(somber music) (somber music continues) - [Narrator] The Republic of Vietnam Armed Forces have been fighting a long struggle against the Vietcong in the Delta.

Our job was to help them.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) - [Vendor] Coconut.

Come on, see.

It makes.

- I get that for your sister.

- This?

(vendor chuckles) (singer singing in Vietnamese) - Okay.

- Okay.

- We'll go straight with you to the boat.

- [Jim] We're not going on this, are we?

- [Tour Guide] We'll go about 15 minutes.

- [Jim Jr.]

Since when did you worry about being safe?

- [Jim] Not as invincible as when I was 25 in here.

- Okay.

- Right.

(lighthearted piano music) (lighthearted piano music continues) (locals speaking Vietnamese) (lighthearted piano music) (lighthearted piano music continues) - [Narrator] We have seen how free nations were tricked or overwhelmed in Eastern Europe.

Now China, North Korea, and Tibet have been overcome too.

(dramatic music) Now the Vietnamese face the new colonialism of communist under Ho Chi Minh.

Communism means foreign domination.

We shall defend our constitution and our democracy.

(calm music) - [Tour Guide] Turn back.

- Here we are.

- Picture.

- [Jim] My feelings have changed from then when I thought it was a good deal and I was doing the right thing for my country till now where I think it's not because I've seen, I guess history repeat itself.

We don't seem to be learning from it.

(water lapping) Second by Just let me know you're letting go Forever my love (tour guide laughing) - I like American songs.

Almost heaven west - Oh, that's, yeah, that's- Blue Ridge Mountains (motorcycle sputtering) (locals speaking Vietnamese) (locals continue speaking Vietnamese) - [Jim Jr.]

Smells good.

- May I be next to you?

- I am left-handed.

- Don't worry.

We can eat like this.

- Eat like that?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

(group laughing) Okay.

- Rice wine.

- Just on the cheese.

- Rice wine?

- With ginseng.

Ginseng.

- So don't worry about.

- According to Vietnamese culture.

- Slowly, slowly.

The 40 degrees, I think.

- Strong.

- 40%, 40%.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) Let me tell you, the more they seem to like you, the more they will insist you drink.

(Jim laughs) - [Jim] Yeah.

Yeah.

- So, right.

(local speaking Vietnamese) (locals speaking Vietnamese and clapping) - Bottoms up, bottoms up.

- Bottoms up, bottoms up.

(locals cheering) - Wow!

- Ah, yeah.

(group laughing) - Oh!

(group clapping) They're from local, too.

You like snails?

- I don't know.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) - Maybe have one.

- Here we go.

- (speaking in Vietnamese) Okay.

Is it okay?

- Good.

- I just keep talking and I keep forgetting to eat.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) (locals singing in Vietnamese) (group laughing) - Do they know.

(vocalizing) Old song.

- [Local] Go on, go on.

(Jim singing in Vietnamese) - Ah!

(sings in Vietnamese) - Yeah!

(local singing in Vietnamese) (group cheering) - Dancing, please.

Stand up.

- Yeah, that's sweet.

- Stand up?

(group cheering) One Vietnamese song I remember.

- only one.

- A long time ago.

(local singing in Vietnamese) - [Jim] When I was gone, did I miss my family?

It's kind of a tough question.

I did and that I didn't.

I missed being with my son who was only about two years old at the time.

Then again, it was so dynamic over there.

I don't think I missed anybody that much at any time.

(group clapping) Country road, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia (gentle guitar music) (slow guitar music continues) (slow guitar music continues) When I was stationed in Saigon, I could get away anytime I wanted.

I just come to Vung Tau.

(slow guitar music) R&R, rest and relaxation.

It's like bath water.

- Told ya.

- Today it was sort of like a cleansing, going back in that water again.

Like I was back on our, in the old days and doing it with my son 'cause I wasn't gonna go in the water.

I was gonna sit there and vegetate and drink coconut milk.

Can't hold my breath like I used to, but I haven't been swimming in so long.

- Why not?

- I don't know.

(water lapping) - I kinda see something sparking in the old guy and it's kinda really good to see.

All those years ago he brought something back from Vietnam and he's carried it with him for 40 plus years now.

And I think he's gonna leave it behind, you know?

I hope he can.

(bright music) - Ah, yeah, yeah.

- Little present for you.

- Oh, thank you.

- Yeah.

Okay.

- Thank you, guys.

- Let's go.

(bright music) (bright music continues) (locals speaking Vietnamese) - How you say daughter in Vietnamese?

(local speaking Vietnamese) (locals speaking Vietnamese) - So you say cool is how?

(local and Jim speaking Vietnamese) - The most cool?

The coolest?

- Me.

- This one.

Maybe you, Gangster.

(Jim Jr.

laughs) - [Jim] When he was small, I was never home enough to be getting real close to him so this is kinda like a good deal.

So we're getting to know each other a little better.

- Oh yeah.

- [Jim] Bring back old times too.

Good times, some bad, but remember it.

- [Lam] Oh, you flying Laos, too?

- Mm-hmm.

- Really?

- [Lam] You know Ho Chi Minh Trail?

- Ho Chi Minh Trail.

Yeah.

- Yeah, you been there?

- On the DMZ?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Go up there.

- Oh, okay, you look down.

- Look for North Vietnamese.

- My dad, he was NVA.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

For the North Vietnamese.

(chuckles) Your competition.

(chuckles) Your enemy.

They make the shoes, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Opposite way.

The rubber shoe, they make this, going like that.

- So you think you go the other way?

- The other way.

- I like that.

- [Local] Okay?

Yeah?

Huh?

- [Lam] He wanna take picture with you.

- Oh, okay.

- No, he wanna take picture with you.

- [Jim] Cheese.

(lighthearted music) (Vinh and aunt speaking Vietnamese) - Right here?

(lighthearted music) Back then, I don't think I thought about growing old or finding a wife.

When you're 25, you don't think of what your older version's gonna look like.

You live for the moment.

(lighthearted music) I was surprised I lived this long.

- [Jim Jr.]

Back okay?

You're kinda hunching over a little bit about.

- Yeah.

Oops, sorry.

- Your feet hurt?

- [Jim] Oh, you wouldn't believe.

(lighthearted music) (Jim speaking in Vietnamese) (Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - (speaking Vietnamese) Means hello, master.

This him?

Okay.

(speaking Vietnamese) (rhythmic drum music) (rhythmic drum music continues) The pain is wonderful.

Extreme pain is extremely wonderful.

(rhythmic drum music) (rhythmic drum music continues) (rhythmic drum music continues) - Okay.

Okay.

(chuckles) - Woo!

- Yeah.

(bright music) (bright music continues) (bright music continues) (bright music swells) (bright music continues) (bright music continues) (bright music continues) (bright music fades) - All of 1964, the half of 1965, that was my first tour.

And then I returned to the States.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I met a woman and I got married.

Then what happened is they thought that I didn't need to go back to Vietnam right away.

They sent me back to Europe.

I spent three years in Italy and that's where my son was born.

Got you.

My son, Jim.

And frankly, I was bored to death over there.

I wanted to go back and do what I was supposed to, train to do what I was supposed to do, so.

(van rumbles faintly) (locals singing in Vietnamese) (locals continue singing in Vietnamese) - Khe Sanh Victory song.

- Okay.

I got it.

(explosion booming) (guns popping) (bird chirruping) (bird chirruping continues) (wind rumbling) (helicopter rattling) (wind rumbling) When I was up on the border, we lost a helicopter that just fried 12 people.

They were about this big when they got done.

Little black men wrapped in body bags.

They put them in plastic and set them on the runway.

I'll never forget that.

I was just brand new so they didn't take me.

I think, I can't remember the name of that tank, but that's an M113 armored personnel carrier that had- - Yeah.

- Absolutely - No armor.

- No armor.

(chuckles) - Holy (...), they got a C-130 out here.

That'd be a hairy (...) flight coming in here, wouldn't it?

Tom, we used to parachute from this.

- Yeah.

- Yes.

Is a good way to travel.

Better than Jeep.

(airplane sputtering) (airplane continues sputtering) (guns popping) I wonder how many they lost here.

(somber music) (somber music continues) I can remember making a gun run on one of these villages and watching a rocket go into the house, (imitates rocket whooshing) blow it up, and people running all over the (censored) place.

Just because they said they took fire from the village.

They shoot at anything.

Yeah, this is how it was.

Mats and dirt.

- [Jim Jr] We're hitting 'em with helicopters, you know?

- Yeah.

- [Jim Jr] Kind of, I guess, somewhat uneven.

- [Jim Sr.]

Didn't seem strange then.

- No?

- No.

They were still VC.

That was the enemy.

- [Jim Jr.]

At the time when you were here, did you appreciate the trees, and the beauty, and- - No.

- the farming?

No, huh?

- No.

- [Jim Jr.]

You don't pick up any of that- - Target.

- Right.

(tenebrous music) (foreboding music continues) - The first tour, I don't think I fired my rifle just about five times.

Second tour, I was fortunate enough to be in Special Forces, a Green Beret.

That tour was my best tour.

I was 25 years old.

I had the best job in the world, I think.

At that age, it was exciting.

It was a high, I gotta say that.

(foreboding music continues) It seemed surreal, like a movie you had seen through your own eyes.

There's just so much adrenaline all the time.

(gun bangs) - [Radio] (faintly speaks) There goes all our radar!

(tone blares) - [Jim Sr.]

With Project Delta, I was actually assigned to a Vietnamese ranger unit.

I saw my first action up along the border on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

My main job was to go in if they found something and go check it out, if there were North Vietnamese in the area.

- [Reporter] The Rangers had taken many prisoners, including 55 members of an elite Viet Cong guerrilla force.

(foreboding music) - [Jim] We would go in also after a B-52 airstrike and assess damage there.

(foreboding music) - [Tour Guide] So in total, you know, it's about 700,000 tons of bomb dropped in this area.

There were more than 91,000 bomb shelters.

- 91,000?

- Thousand bomb shelters.

- Like this.

- Geez.

- Near houses, near schools.

So the people could find very easily when the plane drops bomb.

- Right.

- They had to dig deeper to build the tunnels.

500 meters.

And you go down to level two and level three.

- We are not gonna go 500 meters, are we?

We're going to go 500 meters?

- You can have a choice.

- You can choose.

Have you seen the bamboo flowers?

- [Jim] No.

- Bamboo flower?

- But you know, it take them a long time to get their flowers.

Happens only one time.

And then, they die.

- Only one time.

- Yeah, it mean the end of their life.

- [Jim Jr.]

Okay, look back.

Smile.

(chuckles) (shutter clicking) Dad.

- Yeah?

- You can do this.

- I can do this.

- Okay.

Let's go.

(film reel whirring) (somber music) - [Jim] When they released me from the Army, we were like ducks out of the water.

One minute we're in combat, next minute we're back home.

Next minute we're out.

I mean, it was just too much.

We had no counseling, no anything that the army did to help us out other than to give you $15,000 and say hit the road.

- [Participant] That would be a nice thing.

(chuckles) - [Instructor] Can't stay at that side.

- One big contrast, we did parts of the moose.

Its horns- - [Jim] After I got out, I went to Florida, became a police officer.

I thought that would kinda give me the natural high that I was, that I got in the army and frankly was bored with it.

After that, I did everything from hanging drywall to sweeping floors.

- [Instructor] We're gonna start with these trees.

- And still nothing was very satisfying.

Just hated it.

To be honest, I even considered dealing drugs at the time.

I mean, I was just lost and I wasn't the only one either.

I took up skydiving, I scuba dived.

I did anything that I thought was dangerous and enjoyed it but I never got that feeling again.

I don't think it ever will come back.

As our main dish tonight, we're gonna have thin cut pork chops.

I like fresh vegetables.

My secret recipe is I just put everything in the pot, bring it to a boil, and after it's boiling, I wait five minutes and it's done.

When I was 25, that was it.

I don't know, I just felt so alive and you can fight your way back up, but you never get that euphoria or the excitement or the danger or.

(gun pops) I have a saying if you'd like to hear it.

I don't know who wrote it.

"You have never lived until youve almost died.

For those who have fought for it, life has a special meaning.

The protected, will never know."

That brings up a lot of emotion with me.

(sentimental music) After I left Florida, I spent a year working out in Boise, Idaho.

I'd met my present wife there.

I found my soulmate.

(sentimental music) And decided the military was the way to go.

I wanted to go back and be in special forces again, but they wouldn't take me back in.

So, I enlisted in the Marine Corps and got the next best thing.

- Here we have Sergeant Olm's staff like day back from a hard day in the bush.

How was it out there, Sergeant Olm?

- I really enjoyed it the whole time I was there.

My name is Sergeant Markel, I'm from First Recon Battalion and what you're gonna see here.

I was in charge of a lot of stuff so I could bring my son out there and let him watch the training.

Even got involved in some of it in rubber boat training and things like that.

That was kinda fun.

He enjoyed it 'cause he's a good swimmer.

Lost him out of the boat.

- [Interviewer] Tell me about that.

- We hit a wave and he fell out of the boat and I lost him.

- [Interviewer] How old was he?

- Nine.

I freaked out, you know, and he disappeared.

He had a life jacket on, but he disappeared.

Found him about 100 yards down the beach.

Popped up.

There was a great undertow there, but he was good enough to swim.

I started him out when he's baby swimming.

I think, yeah, about six, seven months old.

(waves crashing) - You know, I don't really harbor too much resentment.

I'm not really a person that lives in the past.

I just typically don't look back.

But I managed to get through.

I managed to accomplish the things that I want to accomplish.

And a lot of that becomes by having a single-minded focus.

And where did that come from?

He is incredibly driven.

And then as his struggles with PTSD and stress went on, he started to to drink.

And I've had my own struggles with alcohol when I was younger, so I totally get it.

- [Jim] Yeah, that's a problem.

All or nothing.

- [Jim Jr.]

Yeah, it's a curse.

- [Jim] It's a curse.

- [Jim Jr.]

I never thought that my father had any sort of weakness, let's just say.

(film reel whirring) Dad.

- Yeah.

- [Jim Jr.]

You can do this.

- I can do this.

- Okay.

Let's go.

(footsteps thumping) I just wasn't happy.

I sat around the house, felt sorry for myself and drank beer, you know?

Watch your head there.

The catalyst for me saying I gotta turn my life around is I was gonna commit suicide.

I sat on my bed with my .45 and I was ready to kill myself.

(melancholic music) I was gonna do it.

I figured there's no purpose in living anymore.

(melancholic music) (Jim sniffles) (melancholic music) - [Jim Jr.]

It's okay, dad.

Take your time.

(melancholic music) (melancholic music continues) - I cant get enough O2.

- Okay, let's just take a break here.

(melancholic music) (Jim Jr.

breathes heavily) - It doesn't work.

- No?

Breathe in.

- No.

- [Tour Guide] Breath in.

And out.

- [Jim Jr.]

Take your time.

- [Tour Guide] In and out.

- But I got counseling and it helped me out of it.

Okay.

So I was okay after that.

I still think I'm okay now.

A little bit shaky every now and then.

I'm a little shaky now.

Let's just, let's take five.

Probably five.

- Maybe two, three minutes.

- Okay.

(gentle music) - The psychiatrist told me this is good advice for anybody, "You did the best you could do with what you knew at the time."

So, what I knew at the time about life and those people, that was it.

So we're gonna do happy stuff next time.

(gentle music) I think I did pretty good.

I survived this one without going south on you.

Almost.

And I think it would be good for my son to see this.

Mm-hmm because I never showed him anything, any emotion or about this or anything like that.

So I'd like to show it to him, after you maybe.

Or you can leave in the part where I almost melted down, that's fine.

I'd like him to see it.

It's something I think that I couldn't sit down and talk with him about.

- [Interviewer] Why is that?

- I don't know.

Afraid to show myself, I guess.

Afraid to show my softness, my weakness.

So, it'd be good for him to look at I hope I got all the dates right.

I think I have.

I think I have.

It's kinda hard to remember.

'69, '70, '71.

The war was winding down.

After Project Delta was closed down, I worked with the Montagnards up in the mountains.

- Army Special Forces were sent to Vietnam because they're experts, specialists in training men to fight a special kind of war.

- [Narrator] These soldiers possess the capability of going to remote regions of the world to live with the people, eat their food, or share their lack of it, learn their language, their customs, and taboos, and win their confidence and respect.

- The Montagnards were our army, I guess.

The Special Forces Army got very close to the units because you were working with them every single day.

Slept with them, ate with them, and of course went to the field with them.

They took some Montagnards from bare recruits.

Within 10 years they were jumping out of airplanes and doing HALO work with high altitude, low opening work, which is a long ways from just being a grunt on the ground.

We went out and did direct action missions and in fact we went into Laos.

That's not classified anymore.

There's book's been written about that.

(somber music) - In the past, the Central Highlands belonged to the Montagnard people.

Montagnard people is the real owner of the land.

Many tribe, Sedang, Bahnar, Hre, Urai, at least 17 tribes.

They served for the American army so much.

But when the war ended in 1975, American Army left them.

- Yeah, I know.

- Yeah.

- All of them was put into the re-education camp.

The jail.

They worked hard in the jails.

Shortage of rice.

No food.

At that time, Vietnam very poor.

When they released them back to the village, they worked hard like the farmer.

But they have no land because many people rushed into the Central Highlands.

Step by step, they took the land.

Now they are very, very poor.

- When I worked with the Montagnards, they were not just soldiers, they were brothers.

And I wanted to come back and see if they were okay.

- On the road from Da Nang, we go up to the Central Highlands by the Ho Chi Minh Highway.

At least 10 people, 10 soldier, former soldier to come to meet you.

And I organize a small party.

- [Jim] It's gonna be very emotional- - Yeah.

- For the heart.

- Deep emotion.

Yeah.

(horns blaring) - [Jim Jr.]

I anticipate that this will be a very emotional part for my father to actually see some real veterans that are his age.

(horns blaring) (sentimental music) (sentimental music continues) - [Narrator] It will be a long while in Vietnam before any swords are beaten into Plowshares.

But the time will come.

(sentimental music) - [Jim Jr.]

I see little things where he's opening up.

He's laughing more than I've seen him laugh in a long, long time.

(local speaking Vietnamese) - [Jim] What's that mean?

- How many wife do you have?

(chuckles) - One wife.

(local speaking Vietnamese) (locals laughing) - I got that one.

(locals laughing) (sentimental music) - [Jim Jr.]

I've been seeing cracks in him a little bit every now and then when he has these kind of moments where he reflects back and maybe shares something.

He's always been very tight and very guarded and I think this will be the catalyst to let that loose.

(sentimental music) (engines roaring) - We were supposed to pull some of those people, a lot of people out of Vietnam and we just left and abandoned them.

The one, my interrogator and translator, he was killed.

And the heck of it was he was killed after I left.

(engines roaring) (Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - He said that they are lucky to meet you.

We are very, very happy because some of us still alive.

We're survivor, right?

- Survivor.

- Survivor after the war.

after the jail, after the re-education camp, something And we are very happy when you come here.

- I have been waiting 45 years to come here.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - I want to thank you for your service and this dinner is in honor of your service.

(bright music) (bright music continues) Attack the meal.

- Attack the meal.

Attack the meal.

(speaking Vietnamese) (bright music) (local speaking Vietnamese) - How do you say (speaking vietn Two stripes.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) (Jim speaking Vietnamese) - My son?

(speaking Vietnamese) (group laughing) (bright music) (local speaking Vietnamese) (locals speaking Vietnamese) - Salud.

- [Vinh] How do you feel now?

- Happy and sad.

- Happy.

Happy and sad.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) (bright music) - I am very sorry.

Sorry.

(speaking Vietnamese) (Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - That my government, my government left you here.

(local speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (local continues speaking Vietnamese) (locals continues speaking Vietnamese) (locals continues speaking Vietnamese) (locals continues speaking Vietnamese) (locals continues speaking Vietnamese) (locals continues speaking Vietnamese) (locals continues speaking Vietnamese) - Now I am very old, but I have many children and many, many grandchildren.

How many children?

(speaking Vietnamese) (local speaking Vietnamese) - I have eight children.

(speaking Vietnamese) (local speaking Vietnamese) - Wow, 17 grandchildren.

(local speaking Vietnamese) - [Vinh] On behalf of our group, I would like to say thank you for visiting us.

(local speaking Vietnamese) - We are the Jeh people.

We are in the remote area but you're interested in our life.

May God bless you, and I wish you bon voyage.

Good trip.

(group clapping) (locals speaking Vietnamese) (sentimental music) - Yeah.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) - Nice to see you.

- Yeah.

- Thank you, man.

(sentimental music) - Goodbye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Bye.

- See you.

- [Vinh] Bye.

(sentimental music) - It gets to me.

Whew, what a night.

I won't forget this one for a while.

It's like you're searching for something and then you don't know what it is, but then you find it and there's more to come.

(van rumbling) (melancholic music) - You know, we've driven all over Vietnam in the last 20 something days, literally.

It's been an epic road trip.

(melancholic music) The hardest part has been watching my dad struggle a little bit.

The long days in the van, they're hard on everybody, but they're especially hard on him.

- In the past, this is one of branches of Ho Chi Minh trail.

But now they grade up.

It's become the highway, Ho Chi Minh Highway.

(melancholic music) Over 45 years, everything is changing.

Sand bag.

Still a little bit of sand bag.

- Yeah.

- U.S.

Army.

(melancholic music) (Vinh speaking Vietnamese) (melancholic music) Go directly this way.

The van right up the hill.

- [Jim] I can't walk.

- Okay, but slowly - I've been going slow, it's still hard to breathe.

It's hot and my breath is not good.

(melancholic music) - [Jim Jr.]

You get pushed to the brink, you know, in special operations.

You quitting is not an option.

You will go to the failure point.

(melancholic music) (melancholic music continues) - This is your house?

- Yeah, your house also.

Because I and you, siblings.

- Wow.

(melancholic music) (melancholic music continues) - Now it's the Bahnar area, so you are Bahnar people.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) (melancholic music) - Yeah.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Perfect.

- They're warm.

- Perfect.

(local speaking Vietnamese) - Handsome.

- Handsome.

(chuckles) - General.

(melancholic music) (Vinh chuckles) - That feels good.

(melancholic music) I don't know what to say.

- [Jim Jr.]

One of the last trips we took, we were out at a shooting school and it was just a little bit, a little physical for him and he had a hard time with that just accepting that fact that I'm old.

He said it.

- Wouldn't hurt me to get back to the hotel, guys.

- When you back hotel, I bring some medicine to your room, okay?

- Okay.

- [Jim Jr.]

And my heart breaks for him, you know, 'cause he was that guy.

He was that invincible man.

But in a lot of ways too, as a warrior, I can't feel bad for him.

He's had a good life.

He lived through Vietnam.

You know, time waits for no man, as they say.

It's a great equalizer.

(melancholic music) (melancholic music continues) (melancholic music continues) - [Vinh] Welcome to my English club.

Hello, everybody.

- [Students] Hello.

- How are you?

- [Students] I'm fine, thank you.

- [Jim] Mr.

Vinh, I have some candy.

Can I bring it here?

- Candy?

- Candy.

- Yes.

- Can I bring it in?

- [Vinh] But later they offer you some English song.

(students singing in Vietnamese) - Thank you.

Very good.

- [Vinh] Okay, listen again.

- [Narrator] Would you like to go fishing on Sunday?

- [Narrator] No, I can't.

I can't swim.

- [Vinh] Is that right?

- Yes.

- No.

- No.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - Where are you from?

- Where are you from?

- My home is Montana.

Montana.

What color is my hair?

- White.

- [Student] White.

- (Jim laughs) Yeah.

- [Vinh] Yeah.

- It is white.

- White.

- Eat.

Eat your candy.

- [Teacher] Yala, eat.

Andy.

(speaking Vietnamese) Come on, eat.

Sweets.

- Dr.

Vinh, are we about done?

I'm getting very hot.

- Hey Vinh, what do you gotta set going to next?

- [Vinh] Sorry?

- What's going on right now?

He's getting hot.

Senior's getting... He's getting a little hot, I think.

- [Jim] I can't believe I'm still dizzy.

Must be something else wrong with me.

- You wanna go to the hospital?

- No.

Hell no.

- Maybe for an IV, get some fluids in you.

- No.

(footsteps thumping) - [Vinh] Xinia.

Xinia.

- [Jim Jr.]

I think my father has a bit of heat exhaustion right now.

So we've got him in the cool down room and gave him a bunch of water and put him on rest and we'll see if he snaps out of it here by the end of the day.

I'm a little concerned about his health, like his physical health.

His mental health is not really my expertise.

You know, we've gone back and forth with that through the years.

And he's in the best place he's been in quite a long time.

He found the right doctor finally and they have him on the right medication and they've got him in a good way.

And that's what got him ready to take this trip.

(sentimental music) One of the things that surprises me is the fact that he actually got help.

We're talking a guy that did everything himself.

(sentimental music) You know, it's really kinda hard to watch your father age, you know, and need help and maybe have to do stuff for him.

Whereas before he was the one that was just like the leader, you know?

He was just like, "I'm just gonna just do it.

And this is how you do it, son."

- You got it turned on?

All right.

Okay.

Here we go.

Hold that.

- It's too heavy now.

- Yeah!

- Hold still.

Hold still.

Itll only hurt for a minute.

Turn it off for a minute.

(sentimental music) (slow music) - [Jim Jr.]

We came to Kon Tum because my father, this is the last place that he served in Vietnam.

This is the place where he had his strongest memories and this is the place where he bonded with the people.

(rhythmic drum music) You know, I've never sought mental counseling or anything like that.

And so it's just, you know, it's kind of foreign to think that he's done that.

(locals cheering) (locals speaking Vietnamese) - [Vinh] Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Nice to meet you.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - [Vinh] Yeah.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) - My father was in the army.

U.S.

Army.

- Is he alive or?

- Yes, he's just not feeling good tonight.

He's in the hotel sleeping.

He'll be here tomorrow.

One of my really good friends was a psychologist and he was a Green Beret.

He was in and he was a colonel and he dealt with PTSD but he dealt with it in the wrong way.

You know, he killed himself and it was heartbreaking, you know?

So, a shot you can't take back, as they say.

All shots you can't take back but that's one for sure.

- The Republic of Vietnam on the eastern edge of the Indo-China Peninsula, about as far from home as an American can be while still on earth.

(tense music) (sentimental music) (sentimental music continues) - Okay now?

(sentimental music) (sentimental music continues) (sentimental music continues) (sentimental music continues) (sentimental music continues) (sentimental music continues) (sentimental music continues) - Wow!

Is that impressive or what?

(whistles) (sentimental music) My God.

I don't remember em being that tall.

(sentimental music) As my wife would say, "Buck up, little buckaroo.

There's better days ahead."

- [Jim Jr.]

Yeah.

(rooster crowing) - [Jim] As soon as I get my sea legs, I'll be all right.

I can put up with this pain.

(motorcycle sputtering) (motorcycle continues sputtering) (motorcycle revving) (children speaking Vietnamese) Pardon me if I don't get up.

I'm a little, still a little sick and dizzy.

- Dizzy.

- Jim gave me some medicine.

- Stand up, come to the house.

Just welcome.

(locals speaking Vietnamese) - Are you sweating at all?

- No.

- No.

I drank a couple bottles and two lemonades already.

So, (sniffles) I'm doing well.

(lighthearted music) - Before eating, we are praying, okay?

- [Group] Hail Mary, Mother of God, pray for our sinners, now at the hour of our death.

Amen.

- Mother of God, pray for our sin.

- [Group] Amen.

(lighthearted music) (local speaking Vietnamese) - Help yourself, like at your home.

- [Jim] They were saying the rosary.

- [Jim Jr.]

How do you know it?

- Catholic upbringing.

- Really?

- [Jim] Yeah.

- [Jim Jr.]

First I'm hearing of this.

(lighthearted music) (lighthearted music continues) (lighthearted music continues) (lighthearted music continues) (lighthearted music continues) (villagers speaking Vietnamese) (lighthearted music) (lighthearted music continues) (lighthearted music continues) (Vinh speaking Vietnamese) (villager speaking Vietnamese) (Jim speaking Vietnamese) (villager chuckles) (villagers speaking Vietnamese) (Jim speaking Vietnamese) (villager speaking Vietnamese) (Jim speaking Vietnamese) (local speaking Vietnamese) (Jim speaking Vietnamese) (lighthearted music) (villagers speaking Vietnamese) - [Vinh] He used to be (speaking Vietnamese).

- Yes.

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) (Jim speaking Vietnamese) - They drop him from the helicopter in dark.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

In dark.

- Parachute?

Parachute?

- No, no, no parachute.

Just.

- Oh yeah, I know, I know.

With the rope.

Like this.

Come down.

- No parachute.

- No parachute.

(villagers speaking Vietnamese) You want some?

(Jim sniffles) (lighthearted music) Name?

Jim.

- Jim?

- Jim.

- (vietnamese name).

- (vietnamese name)?

(vietnamese name).

(lighthearted music) (vietnamese name).

(lighthearted music) (villagers speaking Vietnamese) - Thank you.

(villagers speaking Vietnamese) - Thank you.

Goodbye.

Bye.

- He worked there.

- He worked there?

(Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - Yeah?

(Jim speaking Vietnamese) (lighthearted music) You want?

(lighthearted music) (lighthearted music) (lighthearted music) (villager speaking Vietnamese) - You were Army?

- Army?

Yes.

- You are American?

- American Army, yeah.

You know, Vietnam (speaking Vietnamese) - Yeah.

We're the same, same.

- Same, same.

- Yeah.

(chuckles) - All right.

(villagers speaking Vietnamese) (lighthearted music) (Vinh speaking Vietnamese) - Bottoms up.

(rhythmic drum music) (villagers cheering) (villager laughing) (rhythmic drum music) (villagers cheering) (villagers singing in Vietnamese) (villagers continue singing in Vietnamese) - What did you think about today's ceremony and event?

- Oh, it's like rehab.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.

It was great.

It's good for the soul.

I really enjoyed it.

(villagers singing in Vietnamese) (villagers continue singing in Vietnamese) (villager laughs) - [Vinh] Farewell party!

Goodbye.

(van rumbling) (sentimental music) - [Jim] Sad to see it end actually.

(sentimental music) Homesick.

Just a little.

- Yeah?

- [Jim] Yeah.

Since the military, I haven't been going this long.

One with him.

- Yep, one (indistinct) you get in there.

(driver speaking Vietnamese) (shutter clicking) - Smile!

He remember you.

(chuckles) (sentimental music) (sentimental music continue) - Best driver in the whole world.

Just feels good to breathe this air in, to be alive.

(motorcycle sputtering) - Orange sun bring good luck for us.

Good luck for us.

- [Jim Jr.]

What do you think?

- I think it looks different in waning hours.

- I could see why he wanted to stay, you know?

I could see why you didn't wanna come back.

The adrenaline, the beauty here.

Probably the feeling that you could do whatever you wanted.

I get it.

I think, thanks, I know you came home for me, you know?

- Yeah.

- I appreciate that.

- I did.

(Jim Jr.

Chuckles) - [Jim Jr.]

Yeah.

- You're right.

- Yeah.

- I almost extended.

- Yeah.

- Almost.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks for taking me.

Thanks for showing me but I've had a great time watching you.

- You're welcome.

- Yeah.

- Means a lot.

- [Jim Jr.]

Yeah.

- Whew.

(chuckles) As they say, that's all I have to say about that.

- Okay.

- Right now.

- [Jim Jr.]

It's hard for you.

I know.

- Yeah, it is.

- [Jim Jr.]

It's hard for me.

(gentle piano music) (no audio) (slow tempo music) - What do you think?

- Yeah, looks good.

(slow tempo music) Your wife's not gonna recognize you when you get off the plane.

(slow tempo music) She's gonna wonder who that guy was.

50-year-old me.

(airplane whirring) (no audio) - Yeah.

- And I might have to do it over again 'cause it's kinda short.

So you have two options.

The most traditional is the double Windsor or there's a really cool one.

- The one that won't make me late.

- Oh.

- Suspenders.

(dog barking) (Jim talking about his suspender - I got these on backwards.

- [Jim] Shut up!

- Okay, there.

- All right, that's enough.

All of you.

- Now you're undone here, stop.

Stop.

Stop, stop, stop.

Okay.

Right there.

Okay.

So, Jim.

- What you think?

- [Linda] Are you ready?

- As I'll ever be.

(ceremonial trumpet music) - [Marine] Detail.

Attention!

(uptempo ceremonial music) - Forward march!

(uptempo ceremonial music) (uptempo ceremonial music continues) (uplifting music) - The first piece is given to the guests of honor.

Our guests of honor are Jim Markel Sr.

and Jim Markel Jr, both former Marines and Billings, Montana residents.

(attendees applauding) - Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Can I have a oorah?

- [Attendees] oorah!

- One more time.

- [Attendees] oorah!

- All right, that's much better.

That's much better.

After about 46, 47 years, Vietnam was still on my mind.

While I was in Vietnam, I worked with people called Montagnards.

Our country said that they would be responsible for them, that they would take care of them.

Well, they didn't and they didn't fare too well under communism.

So I kinda felt the responsibility to go there and see what it was all about.

Probably took me 20 years to make up my mind to do this.

I thought my son ought to go with me, kinda see where I spent the war.

And really, I didn't know what to expect myself.

I didn't know whether I would be able to face the demons or what I would do when I got off that airplane.

I recommend that those of you that are sitting out there listening to me right now, help your community right now and take care of your own.

Don't dwell on your past mistakes.

You did the best that you could do at the time of the event.

And above all, take an adventure with your family.

Do it now.

Don't put it off.

Oohrah!

- [Attendee] Oohrah!

(audience applauding) - Thank you.

(audience applauding) (sentimental music) (audience applauding) (applauding) (sentimental music) (sentimental music continues) Some nights I'm a tourist to my kind Landscape caught within a frame A glimpse of another side I call you, call you in my best - [Announcer] "Return" is available on DVD for your home video collection for $25 plus shipping.

To order, visit us on the web at returnfilm.org/order.

- [Announcer] Major funding for "Return" comes from the Greater Montana Foundation.

Encouraging communication on issues, values, and trends of importance to Montanans.

And from The Montana Arts Council.

"Return" is a recipient of the Big Sky Film Grant from the Montana Film Office at the Montana Department of Commerce.

Additional funding from the R. Simpson Gifting Fund.

Funding also provided by the Montana Television Network, Avitus Group, Elizabeth Smith, First Interstate Bank, and Plath Kemmick Law.

Additional funding for "Return" provided by these donors.

A complete list of funders is available at aptonline.org.

Some kids move 'cause of Napalm Cracked paint (bright music)