The Madame Blanc Mysteries

It's a long time since anyone has given me a Christmas present.

Well, I hope it's still breathing.

Oh!

It's a little British joke.

It's a pair of gloves.

Oh.

I see.

Merci.

Do you fancy coming for a drink?

Er...no.

I had better get home to my wife.

Oh, of course.

Well, er... bye, then.

[Bell tolling] [Woman singing "Silent Night" in French] [Speaks French] Pardon?

[Music stops] [Speaking French] [Gasps, sighs] [Conversation continues in French] [Door slams] [Breathes shakily] [Sighs] [Gasps, muffled screams] [Theme music plays] Do you remember the first time That my eyes set on you?

Your smile came from nowhere For some time never or some time soon The road is a long one I was only passing through I was only passing through Grandad?

Hmm?

Did you tell Uncle Dom the right time?

'Course I did, lad.

I'm not as daft as I look.

Uncle Patrick!

Archie!

Dominic!

We thought you'd forgotten us.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

The car's been playing up again.

Oh, it's great to see you both.

And you, Uncle Dom.

How you doing, Archie?

I've been dying to see you.

Did you hear they found a new black hole near Pluto?

I know.

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

No-one around here seems to think so.

Philistines!

Right, I'll grab these for you.

Follow me.

Okey doke.

How have you been?

Good, good.

Ho-ho-ho!

Hello!

Don't ask.

Jean: You were the last person I thought would call today.

Caron specifically asked for you.

It's such a tragedy!

Did you know his wife well?

Not really.

I don't think she liked his work very much.

In fact, I don't think she liked him very much at all.

I see.

Well, let's hope we can help, eh?

[Door opens] [Camera shutter clicking] What happened?!

They must have come through the back door.

I always told her to lock it when I wasn't home.

And where were you?

I went for a walk.

And when I came back, I found her.

She had been stabbed in the back.

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

That's awful!

You found her?

Yes.

Er...

I know, as a police officer, I should not have touched the crime scene, but... she's my wife.

Was my wife.

I was just trying to save her.

How could I let this happen?

Oh, you mustn't blame yourself, Andre.

Then who do I blame?!

Who would do such an awful thing?

[Door opens] [Estelle speaks French] [Indistinct conversations in French] Estelle.

Excuse me, this man has just lost his wife.

English friends, eh?

Well, that makes a whole lot of sense.

Caron and I go back a long way.

We were at the academy together.

I am Inspector Gauthier.

That's right, I'm an inspector now.

No thanks to you, of course.

Where is the murder weapon?

It was their own kitchen knife.

And where is it now?

It was still in the back of the victim when they took the body away.

It's now at the lab.

Would you like to tell me your side of the story?

I went for a walk... came back and found her in the chair.

What time did you go for a walk?

About 5: 30 p.m. And what time did you discover the body?

About 10: 00 p.m. That's convenient.

Well, we all know there was no love lost between you and Sara.

You're not saying that Caron had anything to do with this?

Now that I think of it, you must be this English friend I've heard about, solving all of Caron's crimes.

Well, Miss Marple, I don't think it will take much to solve this one.

That's all... for the time being.

Jean, y-you're the only one who can help me.

My fingerprints are all over the murder weapon, I am covered in my wife's blood.

If it was anyone other than Gauthier, I... might have stood a chance.

You have to find who murdered Sara, or I will be sent down.

What on earth happened between you and her?!

I, er...

I left her for Sara.

Oh.

Thank you so much for your help, Gloria.

Oh, my absolute pleasure.

I just love Christmas.

Here you go.

Oh, mon dieu!

My favourite decoration.

[Music plays] That is the last recording I have of my father's voice.

I thought your dad was a saxophonist?

He was.

But when he was on tour with Nat King Cole, he made his own recording in a record booth and sent me the disc.

Record booth?

Like a photo booth, but you could make your own vinyl records.

Oh, you know, I think I have heard of them!

I listened to that record until it was nearly worn out, and then, last year, Niall had it put into the music box.

The best present I ever had.

Outstanding Christmas husband credentials!

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

[Gasps] You both look amazing!

We're doing a little charity grotto for the dear little kiddies at the back of the pub.

It's to raise money for the theatre, to refurbish the dressing rooms.

They haven't been touched for years.

Grotto!

But we are an elf short.

I don't mind "elfin'" out.

Well, you will need a costume.

Already got one, tailor-made.

Why do you have a tailor-made elf costume?

Well, I had a fling a few Christmases ago.

He was a tad on the dull side, so I thought a bit of dressing up would float his boat, so to speak.

[Chuckles] We've all been there.

And, er... did it?

No.

He finished off me Brazil nuts and I haven't seen him since.

Great!

You can help us set up.

Thank you!

Follow me, troops!

Gloria, leave the glasses on.

I have no idea why, but they really suit you.

Yeah, you're camping in Claudie's room for Christmas.

Hope you don't mind.

Oh, she sends her love, by the way.

As does your cousin.

Ahh!

How is our Sandra?

Well, she got her rota from the hospital and she's got to work all over Christmas, so I thought you wouldn't mind if I brought young Archie with me.

No, I'm dead chuffed.

Claudie's gone backpacking with her mate, so it's nice to have some family here for Christmas.

Right... Hey!

Not that one.

Don't want you peeking.

Hey, there's a lot of presents in there.

I hope you've been behaving yourself.

Dom, that's all in the past.

Hard-earned, these presents.

Hey, Archie.

Look at the ceiling.

Glow-in-the-dark stars.

I've arranged them all in the correct constellations.

Oh, my God!

I can't wait till it gets dark!

At last, someone appreciates my cosmic credulity!

You can get pills for that.

Hey, do you remember when I got you that kaleidoscope when we were on holiday and you were about 5, 6?

Yeah, yeah.

I thought it was a telescope.

I remember looking at the sky, thinking, "Why's no-one mentioned all these colours before?"

Great days.

[Mobile chimes] Oops.

Ahem!

Oh, my God.

Caron!

You all right?

Um...yeah.

An emergency just cropped up, so I got to pop out.

There's plenty of food in the fridge.

No worries, we're on holiday.

Why don't you drop us off at those Christmas markets we passed?

When in Rome and all that... Yeah.

Yeah, if you're sure.

Hey, Archie, there's an amazing astronomy shop on the Rue de Verdun, just by the market's square.

You'll love it.

Brilliant!

What's that noise?

Oh, it's the sound of Archie breaking my bank.

Right, here's a spare set of keys.

Come on.

So, Sara was stabbed in the back?

Good grief!

Yeah.

And what I didn't mention is the inspector working on the case hates Caron's guts.

We've got to help him.

Okay.

So, where are we going?

The gallery where Sara worked.

Jean, you're not interfering in a murder investigation, are you?

I know you want to help Caron, but...

I'm just breaking the news to Sara's employers.

How's that interfering?

Well, don't they have the right to know?

Um... Well, don't they?

I guess so.

Right, well, let's go, then.

[Speaking French] Bonjour.

Um... do you mind if we speak in English?

I'd just like to clarify a few things.

Non, non, non, pas de probleme.

I cannot believe she has gone.

She was a hard-working woman who was so knowledgeable.

I have lost a good friend, as well as my best salesperson.

[Sighs] Do you know anyone who would have a grudge against her?

No, no, no.

She was highly regarded in the art world.

Hmm!

Not the warmest of personalities, but thoroughly respected for her talent.

I know things were not too great at home, that's why she spent so much time here, but I didn't know that things had got that bad.

I think you might be jumping to conclusions there, Monsieur Gelan.

Serena worked very closely with her.

I do not know what I will do.

She was my mentor.

And I am lost without her.

[Exhales sharply] Did she have any disgruntled clients or... Everybody knew her word was...honourable.

She was a woman of great principles.

Hmm.

Well, thank you.

Thank you for your time.

Oh, and, um... may I just say what a beautiful gallery you've got here.

Gelan: Oh, thank you!

I'll be back to have a proper look in happier times.

We'll see ourselves out.

Serena: Au revoir.

How much?!

Shh!

[Whispers] Look at the state of them!

They're all sold.

Look.

All sold.

Dolly Angel.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a real name, innit?

Looks like she's still at school.

Look.

I've never heard of her.

You...you've never heard of her?

Well, artists are being discovered all the time.

I think the word "artist" might be pushing it a bit.

Triangle.

The art world's a funny old business.

It only takes one famous art dealer to say you're the next big thing and everybody starts investing in them.

Hmm.

It says here she's from Britain.

Well, I've not been back in the UK for eight months, have I?

She might be massive there.

[Mobile rings] Oh!

[Sighs] Come on.

Jean, I think we need to keep an open mind about Caron, okay?

Oh, it's a bit steep.

Please, Grandad!

Go on!

[Bell ringing] Oof!

Oh!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

We don't have much time.

Inspector Gauthier could be back at any minute.

Are you alright, mate?

This is ridiculous!

Just because you dumped her when you were kids, she's locked you up in your own police station?!

All the evidence is against me, Jean.

Hang on.

You went out with her, that's why she's got it in for you?

It was very messy.

Blimey!

And the next time our paths crossed, we both applied for this job, I got it, and it made her hate me even more.

But I thought she outranked you?

Now, yes, but she will never forgive me.

You have to help me.

I have no-one else.

Of course we will, won't we, Dom?

Yeah, of course we will, yeah.

Yeah!

The answer must be in the house somewhere.

Pass me your phone.

[Telephone ringing] My neighbour has a spare key to my house.

I will text her to expect you.

We'll do anything we can.

Richard: Quick, she's here!

Just hide!

Hide behind there!

What?!

Oof!

Jean?

Oh!

[Sighs] Right, come on!

Look, I can't this time, Jean.

I've got to get back to Uncle Patrick and Archie.

They've just got here.

Oh, right.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Sorry.

I'll help you, Mrs White.

Oh.

Um...right.

Well...let's go!

Don't worry.

[Sighs deeply] Thanks, Grandad.

I've been after this meteor slide for ages.

Whatever floats your boat, kid.

Hey, it's not even Christmas Day yet.

Hey, I cannot believe that your Uncle Dom has still got the Santa decoration I bought him.

Must be over 40 years now.

Was that the one hanging in his car?

Yeah.

Christmases we had back then.

Grandad?

Hmm?

I know it sounds daft, but I can't remember you being around at Christmas when I was very little.

Isn't that weird?

I had to work away for a few years around then.

What, and they wouldn't let you home for Christmas?

It was a very, very long way away.

Hey!

Do you want another drink?

[Girl cries] I'm an elf, with elf ears!

And good riddance to you!

[Door slams] With baubles on!

Let me get you a mulled wine, darling.

Everything okay, Jeremy?

You have to call him Santa.

He's very method.

Elf Judith?

I hate to say this, but I'm not sure the grotto thing is working.

I think Elf Gloria is right, darling.

Maybe we can find another way to raise money for the theatre.

[Sighs] Bonjour.

Parlez vous Anglais?

Yes.

Andre Caron sent me for the key for next door.

Of course.

Oh, good.

Thank you.

Um... did you see anything unusual at the Carons' last night?

Nothing more unusual than the normal.

Pardon?

I would not blame him at all if he did do it.

They were always arguing, and she was actually more vile to him.

Sara: Arrete!

Thank you.

Merci, madame.

Look, I know you shouldn't go in there, Richard, and you don't have to.

I can go in alone.

Caron is my boss.

I know he's innocent.

I want to do this.

[Sighs] What is Sara's password?

Who puts spiders on a Christmas tree?

It's bizarre.

Oh!

Sara must have Eastern European family.

Pardon?

It's an Eastern European folktale.

The story goes that a widowed mother is too poor to decorate the tree, so some friendly spiders spin webs all over it.

When the mother and her family wake up on Christmas morning, the sunlight hits the tree, turning the web silver and gold.

And the family have good fortune from then on.

Hmm!

What's... what's French for "spider"?

Araigne.

Could you type that in?

Bingo!

Ha!

Right.

Sara's last e-mail.

Could you, um... could you translate that for me?

Oui.

"Dear Sara, further to our conversation on December 6th, here are our thoughts.

Even though we very much value your position at the gallery, we are finding it difficult to find a reason to fire Serena Parle."

"This is the fourth trainee you have been deeply unhappy with.

One of which we have had to settle out of court for wrongful dismissal.

Having said that, um... because your skills are so integral to the gallery, we will go ahead with the dismissal of Ms Parle.

But we gratefully request that this does not happen again.

Yours, Lloyd Gelan."

So Sara was trying to get rid of Serena.

Why did you lie to me about Sara?

This e-mail suggests that you're about to lose your job, but you told me she was your mentor.

[Sighs] I had worked hard to get here.

A career in the art is something that I had dreamed of since I was a little girl, and that jealous old witch tried to take it away from me!

The constant bullying, the belittling of everything that I did!

Nothing was ever good enough for her!

Nothing!

And nobody in here challenged her about it!

Her expertise?

It was just an excuse for bullying.

And I was her latest victim.

You know, I wish I had killed her.

I fantasised about it many times, but I was never brave enough to do it.

I would love to shake the hand of the person that did it.

Where were you last night, Serena?

At home with my mother.

Crying in her arms over losing my dream job.

Merci.

[Mobile chimes] Could you drop me at La Couronne?

Oui, bien sur.

There must be another way to raise some money.

What about a fun run?

We used to do them in Dublin.

I'd get dressed up.

It was great craic.

That's a great idea!

Run, for fun?

What on earth is funny about running?

I completely agree.

What about a Secret Santa?

They used to have one at a garage where I worked.

It's a great laugh.

That's it!

We will charge everyone in the pub 2 euro to play.

And then, they have to spend no more than 5 euro on a present for whoever they draw out of the bag.

And we can have a party here on Christmas Eve, and we can all swap presents.

Bravo!

Great idea!

Just one thing -- will I be able to wear the Santa costume?

I think we all absolutely insist on it.

Oh!

Ooh, there you are!

I'll just get a drink.

I'll be over in a minute.

Alright.

Where's your grandad?

In the loo.

Dom, can I ask you a question?

When Grandad was away when I was little, where did he go?

Oof.

Well, he was in Stafford first, then they moved him to an open prison.

Prison?

What?

Oh, God.

Has your mam never told you any of this?

No.

My grandad was in prison?

Look, your grandad got into a bit of trouble at work.

Times were hard back then and he took a few things that he shouldn't have done.

My grandad?!

Mm.

Yeah.

I think he just wanted people to be happy.

You know, he was always buying presents and rounds at the bar, you know?

Your Auntie Eunice, God rest her soul, always used to say it was his way of loving people.

Only he didn't have enough money for all that love, so they put him in prison.

I can't believe this.

Look, Archie, look, we'll talk about this again, alright?

Don't -- don't mention it to your grandad.

He's a smashing fella, he just made a few mistakes, alright?

Jean, you're waiting.

What can I get you?

Oh, just a Sauv Blanc, please, Niall.

Hey, Jean, there's gonna be a Secret Santa here Christmas Eve.

You in?

Absolutely.

Great.

Hmm!

Cheers.

[Indistinct conversation] Oh!

Hey.

You been shopping?

Yes.

My -- my music box, it's gone!

Someone must have stolen it!

Niall: Ridiculous!

No-one's going to take... Er, Jean.

Jean.

This is me Uncle Patrick, and this is me cousin's boy, Archie.

-Lovely to meet you both.

-You, too.

Ooh!

You alright there, Patrick?

Do you know what, love?

I don't feel that great.

I think I must have overdone it.

Dom, do you mind if we go?

No.

Come on, I'll take you home.

I think I just need a little lie-down.

It's been a big day.

Yes.

Jean: I knew you looked familiar!

Let's find out who you really are.

[Keyboard keys clacking] Patrick: Come on!

We said we'd meet Dom for breakfast at 9:00.

I'll be down in a minute, Grandad.

I'm just looking for my phone charger.

There's one at the side of my bed.

[Music plays] O holy... Jean: It's the same person!

I don't get it.

The doctor and Dolly Angel the artist, it's the same person!

It took me all night, but I found her on her agent's website.

So, she's a doctor and an artist?

No.

She's a model called Cathryn Harper.

Lloyd Gelan must have used a stock photo of her to make out that Dolly Angel was a real person!

No, I'm still not with you.

I rang my dealer friend back in England and he's never heard of her!

Dolly Angel the artist does not exist.

Blimey!

Hang on.

Where you gone?

I've lost you.

The companies that bought and sold the paintings are in the same conglomerate, Dom.

What does that mean?

It means that the same person bought the paintings back off themselves.

Why would you want to do that?

I know who wanted Sara Caron dead.

Cor, I'm starving!

What are you gonna have?

I thought I might order in French, try and impress that gorgeous landlady.

What's her name -- Celine?

Yeah.

You alright, sunshine?

You seem a bit flat.

I was just thinking what it'd be like never to hear my mum's voice again.

Cor, what brought that in your head?

Well, that landlady you mentioned, Celine.

Yeah?

All that fuss in the pub last night, Dom told me what she'd had stolen.

Right?

Her dad made her a vinyl record in a record booth when she was a little girl.

I remember those record booths.

Well, it turns out her husband had the recording of her dad copied into a special music box for Christmas last year.

The record was nearly worn out.

It was the last ever recording of her dad's voice, and somebody stole it.

Did they now?

They probably didn't know what it meant to her.

No-one would do that if they knew... would they?

No.

No!

Ooh, my stomach's rumbling.

Come on.

Estelle: Thank you for your tip-off.

We have the suspect in custody.

I'll take it from here.

But I know what I'm talking about!

I've seen this kind of money laundering back in the UK.

Surely you need me in the interview?

Look, I'm not Caron.

I don't need some little English woman telling me how to do my job.

So, you're gonna reject my expert help because of your personal history with Caron?

Okay.

I will lead the interview, and you will speak when you're asked to.

Do you understand?

Yes.

Good.

This interview will be conducted in English, for the benefit of my colleague.

Where were you on the night of Sara's murder between the hours of 5:30 and 10:00 p.m.?

You...you can't remember... or were you murdering Sara Caron?

So, that's how you want to play it?

How very tedious.

My colleague here thinks she knows why you did it.

Would you like to hear her theory?

He's all yours.

You know, I thought this method of laundering dirty money through the art world was extinct.

God knows how you got away with it for so long.

Small towns, eh?

Explain it to me again.

Of course.

This is how I see it.

Mr Lloyd Gelan here would display some art in his very respectable gallery and create a huge buzz around a young, up-and-coming artist that actually doesn't exist.

In this case, a certain Dolly Angel.

He would paint the canvases, he would frame them and he would display them, but conveniently, even at an astronomical price, they would be shown as sold.

The deal had already been done, and a big bag of dirty money had been used to buy the paintings.

You see, in the art world, cash is seen as a normal method of payment.

No-one even questions it.

So Mr Lloyd Gelan here has enabled a money launderer to sell the paintings back to themself and wash the dirty money clean.

Very clever.

And nobody ever checked on you as you were so respectable.

And looking at the records, you only did it now and again.

I suppose those diamond rings won't buy themselves.

Sara was onto you, wasn't she?

She knew something was wrong.

And whatever she was, she was brutally honest.

Was she about to expose you?

You can never prove it.

Oh!

It speaks!

I think you'll find we can, Mr Gelan.

We have seized possession of your shop, your bank accounts, all your documents.

You will have slipped up somewhere.

And we have your face on CCTV near the Carons' house on the night of Sara's death.

How did you work it out?

Well, um... it all started with a charity leaflet in a pub.

The model that you used to be the face of Dolly Angel was also the doctor on the front of that charity leaflet.

And...

I went through Sara's accounts.

Dolly Angel's work was sold between two companies in the same conglomerate.

But it was your little anagram that, um... sealed your fate.

Anagram?

Yeah.

Watch this.

L-L-O-Y-D... G-E-L-A-N. Lloyd Gelan.

Very clever.

Hmm!

I hated her.

She was sanctimonious, patronising, angry.

You know, sacking my staff right, left and centre.

She thought she had me over a barrel because of her reputation and her client list.

[Sighs] I just needed this one more deal!

But she found out.

That night, I went to her house to confront her.

The back door was open and I walked inside, and... then I saw the knife.

She was about to take everything from me.

[Screams] Gelan: I was so close.

Please, spare us the sob story.

You killed a woman in cold blood, c'est tout.

Richard?

[Sighs] [Sighs] Since when did we have CCTV footage?

I can't believe it.

Lying in an interview to force a confession?

Maybe you and I have more in common than we first thought.

Can we release Caron now?

Yeah.

I think I can finally let Andre Caron go.

[Sighs] I'm gonna send Richard to check the other paintings in the gallery.

There might be even more fakes.

Oh, no, I didn't spot any.

Such a crying shame.

What a beautiful shop!

Charlie!

I've got a business proposition for you.

[Indistinct conversations, laughter] I promise, I'll get you another box.

But you said the record was so scratched.

Hey, you want the moon?

Just say the word, I'll throw a lasso 'round it and pull it down.

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without you quoting "It's a Wonderful Life."

Your very own James Stewart.

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho-ho-ho-ho!

So, how many Christmas costumes have you got, then?

12.

12 days of Christmas, innit?

'Course.

Silly me.

Jean, do us a favour, do not leave my side tonight, okay?

On it.

Right, ladies and gentlemen, it's time now for the Secret Santa to begin!

[Cheers and applause] Here goes!

I can't believe he's not done a "reaching into his sack" joke.

Now I'm gonna reach into my sack.

Oh, no, there it is.

My mistake.

And the first gift is for... Gloria!

Ooh!

[Cheers and applause] Thank you, Santa!

[Gasps] Oh, yes.

Oh, I love it!

Oh-ho-ho!

Guilty as charged!

Aw, thanks, Niall!

Next is Jean!

Oh, Jean.

Thank you!

Thank you, Father Christmas!

Oh, my pleasure.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

What is it?

Oh!

Oh, that's... Oh, it's lovely!

Who got me that?

I did.

I thought it might remind you of home.

Well, your old home, that is.

Oh, I love it!

That's really thoughtful, Dom.

Thank you.

Ho-ho-ho!

[Applause] That you?

Thank you very much, love!

Thank you.

Jeremy: Right, now, ahem!

We have... two presents left!

Ha-ha!

And the first one goes to... Judith!

Judging by all the tat so far, I am not holding my breath!

Oh, that was never a fiver!

I'll give you a tenner for it.

Who on earth...?

It's from me, darling.

Precursor to the big day.

Oh, thank you, darling!

Now, then, come here, Santa!

Niall: Hang on!

Hang on!

Hang on, there's one present left.

It's for you.

[Gasps] Oh!

I don't understand!

You got me a replacement already?

No, that's the original one.

They brought it back?

[Music plays] O holy night The stars are brightly shining It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth Long lay the world In sin and error pining Choir: Et de Son Pre arrter le courroux Le monde entier tressaille d'esperance En cette nuit qui lui donne un Sauveur Peuple a genoux Attends ta delivrance... How are you feeling?

Still numb.

Despite everything, she was still my wife.

It wasn't always like that.

I understand.

Thank you both for believing in me.

Never any doubt, mate.

Noel Oh, you've got a nerve!

Merry Christmas, Jean.

Merry Christmas, Dom.

Noel [Jeremy and Judith singing off-key] Noel Chantons le Rdempteur!

Noel Noel Chantons le Rdempteur!

When will it show That the secret we keep is not ours on our own?

When will it show we're in love?

This Christmas, we're in love