The Lodge

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Parade Announcer

Please stand and welcome our local LGBTQ seniors who helped pave the way for us all. (crowd cheering, drum line music) Fountaingrove Lodge LGBTQ and Ally retirement community wants to proudly say, love is love. In celebrating the 50th anniversary of Stonewall, many of the residents you see marching today with the Fountaingrove Lodge stood strong and began the fight for the rights that we share today. (cars honking, crowd cheering) I'm the first person to walk in the door, November the 22nd, 2013.

The condos have made a great fuss about it. Very great fuss about it. And they have to get over all of that stuff. Same old story, not in my backyard.

Soon as they say, oh, it's going to be an LGBT place, people throw up their arms. The rainbow flag didn't get put right away, by the way. Half a year later, we kind of took a vote on whether we'd put up a rainbow flag. And of course, most of us voted, yes.

So the rainbow flag was purchased. I was a little afraid that people could come by with a gun and you know. Well in the very first month or so, once or twice, you know kids would drive by and yell "fags" or something, you know. Oh yeah, but it ceased.

But it did happen in the very beginning. You know, I was at public school teacher for over 30 years, and you can't be flamboyant. People might've had their suspicions at the college, you know, but that doesn't matter, but what's her name? The orange juice woman, Anita Briant, and there was another one, a Congressman - Briggs.

They both tried to have initiatives to make it against the law to teach if you were gay. I couldn't just be out and telling everybody everything all my life. When I got here, I became myself. (singing) A pretty girl is like a melody!

I'm a gorgeous 92 and a half, by the way. Hi, sweetie. Hello. How you doing?

Do you live here too? Yeah. Okay. The day we decided to go and sell our house.

No, no. She asked when we met. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you out.

Cut! We met in 1990 when Joanie had first moved to the city at a networking event. -

Interviewer

So, you made the decision to come here, and are you mostly happy with your decision? Oh yes. I wanted to come here and she said, well, I don't think we can do it and blah, blah, blah. And then we came back to look and she said, well, here's my money!

And I was the floored! And so happy. The Gallaghers decided this would be a unique place. What we didn't know then is this was going to be like a star ship place.

It's one of the most beautiful places in the world where people could live. Mrs. Gallagher wanted to have this event for... this to people.

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Interviewer

And I wonder what motivated her? Why would she... She just said it's needed. We have to have it.

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Interviewer

Right. I've read that. She said it was a social justice issue. Oh yeah.

All the other gay and lesbian senior housing in the country so far is happily for low income housing wherever it is in LA. Now being built in San Francisco and in Philadelphia, and so we're unique in that this was built for market-rate housing for seniors that don't qualify but still need a place to be in old age. That is the sectional. Yeah.

The other piece is coming. Is that the bigger piece or the smaller piece? The small piece. Dining room table and then the sectional is going to go here.

So you came all the way from Boston? We did. 4,000 miles. Mister's bedroom.

(laughs) And here is quite a lovely, lovely view. I love this. I love how the rock is curved, and the landscaping is just gorgeous here. We'd been looking up and down the east coast for a CCRC, and none of them came close to meeting our individual needs.

Both of us have dementia and Alzheimer's in our family. And so it was really important for us to be someplace that, you know, if that becomes our path also, that we would be here and the other partner could have a nice life and... Rent the welcome wagon. And she just brought us this wonderful quick guide.

Oh yes. That's right. Show the quick guide. What to do.

Where we're supposed to go. Right. How we get fed. See you later, Dana.

Thank you. Call if you need anything, you know where we are. We are celebrating our pride party this year at Fountaingrove Lodge. Love is Love 2019.

And we're just excited to have a great party today. (relaxing music) Well, this is a bunch of queer people getting together to celebrate Stonewall a million years later. Well, I think we're celebrating the wonderful flying flags of all the colors and the LBGTQ. Cheers.

Love is love, right? (laughs) No, I'm, I'm old enough to know better than to talk too much. Thank you, and welcome everyone to our celebration of Pride 2019. Yeah!

Our pride theme this year is love is love, and today we're raising money for LGBTQ Connection. It's a youth organization for LGBTQ young people, and your raffle ticket purchase will go directly to them. I want to recognize the residents of Fountaingrove Lodge. These are the members of the activist generation who demanded equality for everyone regardless of who they love.

Yeah. They did this at great peril to themselves and their personal safety so future generations could enjoy the freedoms they had to fight so hard to win. Today's LGBT youth stand on the shoulders of these fearless agents of change. We love you all.

We met in college in Spearfish, South Dakota, and Jerry was a returning Navy veteran. So he was one of the older men in college. And at that point, Jerry was smoking a pipe, and he had a big pompadour - hair, And horn rimmed glasses! But we had two friends that were mutual friends and they kept telling me, Jerry was a really good guy.

And I kept saying, no, he isn't, I don't want any part of him. They finally set us up for a date. And I found out he was a really good guy. And so about a year and a half later, we were married and we have been married 60 years.

John and I met in 1978, at a Catholic retreat center in Colorado Springs, run by the Sisters of Charity from Cincinnati, spent most of Saturday hiking around the Colorado Springs area. And that was now 40 years ago. So a month or so ago, we had a 40th anniversary party here at the Lodge, out at the pool, about 80 people. We specifically wanted to find a retirement place where we could both be together, where we'd be accepted as a gay couple.

So the things that you'll see around the house are just artifacts that are part of us. We got this in Paris but it's the south of France, and this is New Orleans. We call her our Chinese Mona Lisa. We barbecue out here, we have a grill, and it's very comfortable, and we can actually entertain here as well.

We don't do a lot of entertaining, but it's certainly very comfortable for six or eight people being able to sit down and chat. We have a entertainment room next door. So these are a series of sketches that I found in New Orleans. At the time I was a poor student, and really couldn't afford anything.

And a couple of years later, I was back in New Orleans and stopped by the gallery, same owner. He remembered me. He still had the prints and I bought them. -

Interviewer

How do you feel about living in a place that's about half gay? It's no big deal. The straight people who are here, are here because they know what the environment is. They're here because they want to be here.

(Monster Mash by Boris Pickett and the Crypt Kickers plays) It does mean that there has been some education take place Just like learning about anybody, their life experiences and what they've gone through, but it's, it's made me appreciate people, both straight and mixed. When I first came here, one of the gay guys said oh, there were a bunch of us gay guys up at the bar. And I said, why do you have to say there was a bunch of us gay guys? Why can't you say there were a bunch of us guys up at the bar?

Why do you have to put that one term to it? And he said, well, it's what's happened throughout my life. The question that we asked was not, you know, how we would accept the gay members of the community. It's how would they accept us?

I don't confine myself to gay people. I mean, I hate to say the cliche, but really many of my very best friends are straight people. Linda was saying the other day that there are like 75% gay and 25% straight. And I don't think I see it that way.

I think it's more 50/50, which is fine with me. There weren't very many of us, maybe 10 and 15 about the first week. And we all sat together in the dining room, and got acquainted and all that sort of thing. I made friends more easily in those days.

Yeah, to be perfectly honest, I'm not pleased with the sort of 50/50 proportion. We used to dance every Wednesday night downstairs, wine Wednesday. Yes. We haven't done that since all the straight people moved in.

there are one or two that maybe would prefer if this we're a totally gay community. That's fine. They haven't been rude or anything. We knew from the start that it wasn't completely, it wasn't a hundred percent gay people.

It was what they called allies. Anyone has always been able to move into Fountaingrove Lodge. There is no restriction on it - only being LGBT. That would be illegal among other things, but I think it's incredibly important that the marketing emphasis continue to be to LGBT people.

Oh, that's my ice cream. See all my ice cream? Keep going up. There you go.

That's my father, and the one on the other side is my mother and my sister. That's Freddy. These are my animals. Charlie.

I have some on the wall out there too. Then that's me and my mother. -

Interviewer

Did you know you were gay when you took this picture? No, well sorta, you know, you have feelings, you know? -

Interviewer

Yeah. -

Interviewer

When we came, we didn't know whether you were gay or straight. Well, I'm just me. That's how I've been my whole life. If people knew, it was fine.

If they didn't, that was fine. I didn't pay much attention to it, myself. If people asked me, before, I would wouldn't hide it, but I never talked about it, either. -

Interviewer

Your mother sent you to a psychiatrist? Yeah. She didn't think it was normal. So she didn't like it.

My dad never said a word, so, -

Interviewer

That's a tough one to have your mother send you to a psychiatrist. I know, and he was very disappointed when I didn't talk to him. I haven't been out my whole life. So the only place is here since I've been here.

My mother passed and my father passed and we never used the word gay ever. And my mother lived through three of my relationships, so she knew exactly what was going on. She didn't approve of my getting married to the girl that I was going to get married to. She knew me better than I did.

This is a first cousin named Don Bryan. Milton was his real name. And he was gay. Don had this picture of this guy on, on his wall.

He said, I'll try to phone him and see if he can come over for cocktails. Well, the man said yes. And lo and behold, the guy turned around on the couch and kissed me. I never been kissed by a man before.

I was in heaven. (laughs) My father was a mortgage banker, very serious person, very proud of his cars. And we never drove his cars. My mother never drove them.

The kids never drove them. That was just the way it was. My father takes the keys to his car, says which one of you want to drive? John picks up the keys, my mother and I stop literally in our tracks and look at each other.

We had never seen him do anything like that. John's a member of the family, and it was just a very touching moment. -

Interviewer

Where were you born? May 20th, 1943. In Troy, New York, right? Amen.

About a year ago, John was diagnosed with ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. It's a very insidious disease, in that it basically affects the brain, and the way that the brain tells the rest of the body to respond. Mobility-wise, he's fine. Doesn't stumble, doesn't need a cane, but he has a problem with language.

So a moment ago, when you asked where he was born, for him to find the word, Troy, would be very difficult. People love John and really take good care of him, and are very supportive of his, some of his idiosyncrasies. (funky drum beat) (water splashing, people chatting) High knees! High knees!

High knees! High knees and floppy boobs! High knees and floppy boobs! (laughing) How about the washing machine?

Oh, okay. Speed it up! Check out your pedicure. (laughing) (Boom whackers clanging rhythmically) (laughing) (singing) Two, one, two, So we're opposite, okay?

(Boom whackers clanging rhythmically) Open, two, open, one. Good. Now we're off beats, remember? One, and two, and...

Good! Keep going. (Boom whackers clanging in song) And five, six, ready, and stop! Nice!

When I close my eyes, I can concentrate without being stressed out or looking, but I just listen, and I can tell who's off beat. (laughing) (boom whackers and drums beating) Ready, and stop! I did Hawaii Five-O and Little People, I did commercials. I did a Hills Brothers commercial, a Zenith commercial, put them both out of business, I guess.

We were friends with Julia Mead and Barbara Rush, and Bee Arthur of course. Jim Neighbors at the beach, I know him, too. Knew him, I should say. He and I were very close.

In fact, we were very close for awhile. And this was Paul, when I met him, let me get that picture. Paul and I met in 1969 at a birthday party in Honolulu. And it was kind of love at first sight, it was corny, but true.

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Interviewer

And how long were you together? 47 years. It will be 50 years the 13th of this month. We were two of the first ones here.

When we arrived here, he was in pretty good health, but it deteriorated as we went along, and then he passed away two years ago. -

Female Resident

All through our lives, people have been dying. Our families have died, you know, people die. But here, people are dying all the time. I see the fire truck and the ambulance arrive, really every several days to take somebody to the hospital.

It's much closer. It's much more in your face now than it used to be. (solo flute song) He used to, every night, come and eat well, drink first. He loved his martinis.

He would have like three. The night that he died, I went over to the table and I think, I sat there and Jim started coughing and I said, let me get you a glass of water, and I brought a glass of water over, and he just fell, hit his head hit the table, hit the floor. I mean, he didn't put a hand out to, to sit to, you know, and he was on the floor. One minute, he's drinking martinis and making a yak, And the next minute he's gone.

That was yeah. Yeah, yeah. Crazy. I just want you all to feel very comfortable expressing anything that you want to and that you need to talk about.

And these guys are uniquely qualified. I'm going to turn it over to Debbie and Andre and let them move on. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. It was pretty quick. And once the paramedics stopped what they were doing, I went over to him and I knelt down beside him and I told him, you know what a great friend he had been and, and the lunches and the dinners that we had had together.

That's, that's kind of what I remember. And you said you checked his airways, And that was the thing that concerned me that perhaps in that he was choking from his dinner, or whatever, and of course, that could happen to any one of us. And I'm wondering if we need to know how to handle that 'cause that could've been any dinner table. There's going to be instances when somebody is going to be alone in their apartment and something happens.

And whether somebody is going to be with them or they're going to be alone is, you know, a big issue, they're not going to get CPR right away. All of our staff has CPR as well as first aid. And in the CPR class, they are taught first to check the airway, they open the mouth and check to be sure that something's not caught. Some of us here have a DNR do not resuscitate orders.

And so, not knowing whether Jim had one, it would have been a violation, if somebody had a DNR and I had defibrillated them. It would be good to talk about the emotional side too because if you have not seen someone die in front of you, that's very traumatic. We can't hear. Speak up.

If you have not seen someone die in front of you, it's very traumatic. And I think you have to realize that you're going to have an emotional reaction to that. And that it's good sometimes to find somebody to talk to about it. And his son, when I spoke with him, he said the Tavern was his happy place.

(laughing) And again, how much he loved it here, but the Tavern was his happy place. And for him to be there and to have had dinner with friends and have his two martinis and enjoy his time. (laughing) The trauma is for us. Well, we, I think we all hope that you two are around when we.

(uproarious laughing) Just don't strip my shirt off. (laughing) (Christmas music) (people chatting quietly) Good afternoon, everyone. First of all, I want to welcome everyone here today. And say, this is our last Resident's Association of the year.

And the next thing to do is to call on Dina. Dina, where are you? We have two new residents, and I don't see them. (laughing) I did encourage both of them to come.

So anyway, welcome you two! (laughing) So we'll all welcome Bob Paterson and Deborah Sawyer when we next see them, that's wonderful. Thanks Dina. The initial residents put together the concept of both a Residents Association that all residents were automatically a member of and the Residents Council.

The council has a responsibility to protect resident's rights. There is talk about this place as a for-profit organization, and the meaning that the rates could go up and keep going up. We're all on fixed incomes. We have no way to regain the money that we need to make these large increases.

The money that we have has to last as long as we do. I do worry about if I had to relocate, and we've talked about that, where would we really go? And we give a lot of thought to that and we not looking forward to move. We thought this wouldn't be our last move.

You have the right to care, supervision, and services that meet your individual needs. Dina. Oh my gosh, I believe I just had a senior moment! You can do it.

(laughing) I can't believe this. Okay you have all witnessed. Merry Christmas. There'll be a next time.

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News Anchor

The 20,000 acre fire that has been burning in Sonoma. At about 11 o'clock at night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and I smelled fire. And we're walking across the large catwalk that looks down over the lobby and someone said, oh, well there's a fire over in Napa. -

News Anchor

Stop any forward progress on this fire. So again, firefighters are not able to slow down the progress of this fire is still actively burning throughout the city of Santa Rosa. The majority of the fire is here in the Northern part of the city. It was very, very windy and Newt was very, very nervous.

It was so windy that things were getting blown off of my table, on my patio. -

News Anchor

Tropical storm force, at times. They continue to shift, which is making it very difficult for firefighters at this moment. There's bang, bang, bang on the door, evacuate, evacuate And about two in the morning, one of the med techs had come in. Of course, they have keys to the to the apartment, yelling, asking if there was anybody in here, woke us up, and then we had to evacuate immediately.

When we went out the front door, I thought my hair or my eyebrows would be singed because the embers were flying in our faces. The sky was bright red, and it would go from bright red to brighter red. Something was then sort of exploding, and so it got brighter, lighter. The med techs came in and says, we have to get out of here.

So I had my shoes and my nightgown, and I grabbed my hearing aids, but I didn't get my teeth because my teeth were in the bathroom Grabbed a few things. Cell phones, chargers, medication. I hadn't grabbed a go-bag. I didn't really have a go bag at the time.

So I just grabbed Newt, and we went on the bus. The decision had been made to go to the church. The church had the ability to project a TV station on the large screen. And so we were watching, you know basically live coverage happening.

We still thought that, oh, you know, we'll be back this afternoon. You know, they'll take care of things. And no one was expecting that we were going to be gone for days, much less weeks. The next block up and everything past that was burning to the ground.

(construction whirring) We could have done a lot of things quicker and faster and not have been that close to danger. Already, we're doing things better, but I guess I would have to say that after the fires, the staff took more ownership of it's their responsibility. Okay, you can shut that door. Head on this way.

Hi. How are you? Good. How are you?

Today, what we're gonna do is we're not gonna get me, my shoulder harness, get caught up in the drive track. We're not. Okay. Keep right where you are.

One way or the other, release the brake and then it will be free wheel. Sorry. I got you. People had noticed that the garage door was down because it hadn't been opened, and now the electricity is out.

Two guys were able to open it. There was a way to do it, but we hadn't practiced it very much. In order to make this work, manually. You have to pull this red cord.

(people chattering) Yeah. Anything that comes up and talk to us, email Marissa, Jerry, us. So no meeting tomorrow. By the time we were actually leaving the gates were open, I believe, but these were all ablaze, and the wind was blowing the flame sideways across the gate.

So you couldn't see that the gate was open. First thing to do is to get the gates and doors open. Yeah. Always open the garage, and we always opened the gates because no matter what, we need to be able to get out.

You lift that handle, take the key out, and now you can, you can pull it feel how easy and light that is. We didn't really have a good way to communicate. Now we have walkie-talkies. There we go.

So fine. We're on channel one here at the Terraces. So anytime we use it, we always want to be on channel one. Wait, what you need to do is, when you're speaking you need to hold the button down the whole time you're speaking.

One thing to remember is you want to hold it look down and then speak because they'll lose half your conversation. Held down first, and then speak This is Janie. Can you hear me? Yes, indeed.

Janie respond. She's laughing. This is Janie. Dog park.

(all chuckling) Gay people get old just like anybody else. And there are far more heterosexual people in the world than there are gay people. to be in a place where you weren't having to explain yourself all the time. You weren't having to say no, I don't have grandchildren.

No, I don't have children. No, I don't have a husband. And I realized when I went to bed at night, I was alone. And here I go to bed at night.

And if there's a problem, I hit my little button, or I go out to the hall and scream, help, and someone will hear me. -

Interviewer

How do you like it here, Lauren? I hate the damn place. (laughs) I love it. I do.

I mean, it's like everything. There's things, you know. And what day you ask all that too, you know, it's life. This place has had an impact, that more places are marketing to gay and lesbians to get them to come there, and to make them feel at home.

For many people who have gone through their whole lives wary of people even knowing what their story is, it's it has become a safe place. And I didn't realize that until we moved here. (fast electronic music) (soft piano music and choir singing)