Justly Wed: Stories from the Marriage Equality Movement

(soft piano music) - [Mark B.]

He had just moved in to the neighborhood.

He was out, checking out the bars.

So I'm all the way across the bar, and just thought, "Oh, I'm going to go over and talk to him."

- [Mark E.] He got his claws in and never let go.

(both laugh) (piano music) - [Julia] We, uh, spoke on the phone, and then continued to have a conversation for another 15, 20 minutes.

When I hung up the phone, I knew that this was somebody who was gonna impact my life.

- [Jennifer] It was really about making a commitment to each other.

I think it's changed both of us.

(piano music) - [Rochelle] I said, "I might be driving by the area."

(piano music) And I sat at the stop sign down here for like, I don't know, 10 minutes.

Finally, I just hit the gas.

- [Annie] And she came up and shared her caramel apple with me.

(piano music) - [Joel] I didn't think of myself getting married.

I did see myself with someone.

So, when it became "real world," that changed everything.

(piano music denouement) (protestors chant) - [Evan Wolfson] Gay people had sought the freedom to marry from the dawn of the modern gay rights movement starting in 1969.

Those first couples and advocates, seeking the freedom to marry in the courts in the early seventies, were all denied.

For the next succeeding decades, we engaged the country in a conversation not only in the courts of law, but in the court of public opinion, and in private conversations around kitchen tables, to talk about who gay people are and why marriage matters.

That struggle, unfolding over decades, of course, accelerated and grew the closer we got to actually seizing the legal goal of winning marriage.

(soft piano music) - [Narrator] On February 12th, 2004, during a torrential downpour, something revolutionary happened.

In defiance of the laws at the time, the city of San Francisco began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

It was one of the most significant moments in the marriage equality movement.

- [Evan] The country got to see thousands of couples lining up, in the pouring rain, I might add, showing their love, showing their commitment, showing the joy of being able to get married.

Mayor Gavin Newsom wanted to do something.

And he believed in good conscience that San Francisco should no longer discriminate in the denial of marriage.

- [Narrator] Same-sex couples came from every corner of California, and from other states as well, to pledge their devotion to one another in San Francisco City Hall, officially, for the first time.

- [Bill Jones] I give you this ring in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love.

By virtue and authority of the city and the county of San Francisco, and the state of California, I pronounce you spouses for life.

(soft piano music) - [Narrator] Join us now for these four stories of love, commitment and marriage, at a time in America when the right to marry could not be taken for granted.

- [Fred] Well, we were at a square dance club and class.

I came because two of my friends were going.

They were like, "Oh, you've got to come.

It's a lot of fun.

You just got to be there.

It's a blast."

And, um, Joel's friend brought him.

- [Joel] Same reason.

- [Fred] That's right.

- [Joel] Although he-- he was a little bit upset with me.

He said, "Well, you know, I-- I want to meet new people," is what his thing was.

And I met Fred, and, well, and my friend was not exactly thrilled, the fact that he didn't meet anyone.

So it's like, you know, so.

But yeah, that's... we met there.

Gosh, that was eight years ago.

Um, and that started, I think that- that began, um, just getting to know each other at that point.

And...irony is that we have not gone... We have not square danced since that class, by the way.

(both laugh) - [Narrator] They may not have committed to square dancing, but Joel and Fred found something else in their relationship with one another.

- [Fred] His beautiful eyes, his sparkling wit, the intelligence, you know, the energy.

He's very energetic, um, always forthright.

He speaks his mind, too, which I can't-- I can't live without.

- [Joel] To me, Freddie's always been life.

I mean, just constantly, constantly alive.

And joy, and there's a lot of, my gosh, and just a lot of... you!

You know?

(Fred laughs) - [Fred] Well, there's a lot of you, too!

- [Joel] I know.

(both laugh) - [Fred] There's a lot of us.

- [Joel] Yeah.

(Fred laughs) (upbeat piano riff) - [Narrator] San Francisco began issuing marriage licenses for the first time to same-sex couples.

Joel and Fred started seeing the difference.

- [Fred] My own reaction to seeing people getting married who'd been partners for a very long time, partners for 20 or 30 years, and they hadn't gotten married-- I remember seeing couples getting married, on television and afterwards, And it was just... it was so moving.

It was... it just shook me the way that they-- that they expressed their love for each other, and, um, and that they were so moved.

And it moved me too, because they were changed.

They were so changed.

And it was so nice to see that they got this chance to express themselves, y'know, to share this bond with everyone and to have it recognized.

(music crescendo fades) - [Narrator] As the marriages continued, Joel's family started asking questions.

- [Joel] Talking to my sister and she said, "You know, if I were gay, I would do it.

So what's your problem?"

"Well, we're busy."

"No, that's-- that's not.

That's not enough.

That's not enough."

So-- so what happened was, we, we just-- well-- we made it happen.

I mean, I mean, I did the little bureaucratic phone thing.

That's not a big deal.

The point is that we really-- that Freddie accepted it.

It was, uh, enough that we felt we wanted to do this.

It's, it's a commitment.

We talked about it, so our anniversary which I happened to catch the clerk who said, "You lucked out.

There may be an opening."

And, lo and behold, there was, but I didn't say anything to Freddie.

So we got together.

I think a day or two later was our anniversary, and I put together a formal announcement (Joel chuckles) (Fred laughs) - [Joel] ...saying, "You're about to be wed. And here's the date, and here's the time."

And I handed it to him.

And then what?

- [Fred] And then it was set.

(romantic harp music) - [Narrator] Even with their deep commitment, the sudden reality of getting married gave Fred pause.

- [Fred] Oh, I was very nervous.

I was very nervous.

I didn't know whether I was going to be able to speak the lines, you know, what-- am I going to be able to say it right?

Wha-- you know, am I going to drop a word like a verb or something that's really important?

- [Bill] The contract of marriage is most solemn and is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities.

Please remember that love and loyalty and understanding are the foundations of a happy and an enduring home.

(soft harp music) No other human ties are more tender, and no other vows are more important than the ones that you are about to pledge.

(romantic harp music) - [Joel] You know, a lot of people go through this and these are pretty heavy-duty words.

I mean, and, to the process I was going, "Through illness, through dea--" you know, all these things.

I thought this is-- it's a contract being thrown at you and this is it.

You know?

Yeah, it was... nervous in a way.

It was going, "Gosh, this is it."

I mean, I was nervous, because on one hand, It is, I thought to myself, "Oh, this doesn't change a thing."

But on the same token, I thought, "Wait a minute, I am now absorbing, as is Freddie, this thing that a lot of people do.

And here we are, this is it.

And if you're going to get cold feet, or I'm going to get cold feet, well, here we go."

- [Bill] Do you promise to love and comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse?

And do you promise to be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

- [Fred] I do.

I feel a lot-- a lot more excited, and, and more intimate and, and warmer.

There's definitely been a change, you know, since, since that day, and, and probably a few days before.

There's this kind of aura and there's this warmth that's there that isn't necessarily, I don't know, it just seemed like that it was s-- something we needed.

(soft harp music) - [Bill] Joel, do you take Frederick to be your spouse for life?

Do you promise to comfort him, love him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, and be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

- [Joel] I do.

(romantic harp music) - [Narrator] In 2004, gay couples couldn't marry legally in the United States.

The decision that the city government of San Francisco made to issue licenses to same-sex couples could be overruled by the state government at any moment.

Because of this uncertainty, there was pressure for thousands of couples to try to get married before it was too late.

Joel and Fred quickly made their decision, and when they broke the news to their families about their upcoming wedding day, they were surprised by the response.

(reflective harp music) - [Fred] My father was very... strongly reactive and he really wanted to be here, um... after-- I mean after-- after we were married, and I think it was a couple days after this and I was speaking with-- and he was, he was like, "We should have been there.

We should have been there."

It was strong.

It was surprising how strong his reaction was.

So... and I kept saying, "Well, you know, we did it so quickly."

That was the thing.

It was less than a week.

And they live very far away.

So... but I was I was...

It, it moved me quite a bit, you know, to hear that from him, so... - [Joel] Now, my mom was... she's interesting about it.

At first, she said, "Well, I mean, congratulations, of course, I'm happy for you."

But she didn't quite understand what it meant.

And I said to her, I s-- "This is more of an affirmation of commitment."

(soft harp music) - [Joel] I didn't do this to, to ridicule anyone.

I did this because it, it was one thing that we believed to be true.

We're, we're committed to each other.

- [Bill] I give you this kiss.

- [Fred] I give you this kiss - [Bill] In token and pledge, - [Fred] In token and pledge, - [Bill] ...of my constant faith, - [Fred] ...of my constant faith - [Bill] ...and abiding love.

- [Fred] ...and abiding love.

- [Bill] With this kiss... - [Fred] With this kiss... - [Bill] I thee wed. - [Fred] I thee wed.

- [Joel] My younger brother and sister actually broke the news to them that I was getting married.

They, they shipped over-- so we would have it in time for this wedding-- uh, two yarmulkes, so he could wear a yarmulke, uh, a little glass you could step on, um... and a few other things.

Some pictures of them so they can symbolically be there.

They were just... they wanted to be there.

I mean, they really wanted to be there.

- [Bill] I give you this kiss... - [Joel] I give you this kiss... - [Bill] In token and pledge... - [Joel] In token and pledge...

- [Bill] ...of my constant faith, - [Joel] ...of my constant faith - [Bill] ...and abiding love.

- [Joel] ...and abiding love.

- [Bill] With this kiss... - [Joel] With this kiss... - [Bill] I thee wed. - [Joel] I thee wed.

- [Bill] A little kiss.

(kissing noise) (murmurs of appreciation from onlookers) - [Narrator] The opportunity for marriage for Joel and Fred was short-lived in 2004, but it was an opportunity that they cherished.

By 2005, the California Supreme Court had reversed all the weddings that had taken place.

(soft harp arpeggio) - [Fred] I never thought I'd see it in America.

(soft harp arpeggio) - [Fred] I never thought I'd see it in America.

Um...

But I'm so happy that it did happen.

You know, I'm so happy that American couples had a chance.

(soft harp music) - [Bill] By virtue of the authority vested in me by the city and county of San Francisco and the state of California, I now pronounce you spouses for life.

(guests cheer and clap) - [Joel] Wow... - [Fred] Wow... - [Joel] One, two, three.

(glass breaks) (guests cheer and clap) (Fred and Joel laugh happily) - [Joel] I almost cried at my own wedding!

(upbeat piano riff) - [Evan] It's about legal protections and it's about love.

It's about economic opportunity, and it's about engagement with society.

It's about strengthening and showing commitment.

And most importantly, it is about that intangible opportunity, rich and important, not only to have legal and economic protections, but to affirm... love.

To affirm commitment, to affirm family, to be held accountable and supported in that love and commitment.

(uplifting piano music) - [Michael Ritz] There were people coming in and saying, "Oh, my friends are down at City Hall, waiting in line to get married."

So, we were doing a lot of quick wedding bouquets.

And a couple days afterwards, I get a call from this woman in Minnesota, and she has that-- that accent that, you know, you kind of recognize from, from the movie "Fargo."

She was very sweet.

And she said, "I have a really strange request.

We want to send flowers to a couple waiting in line at City Hall."

I said, "Well, how am I going to know who they are?"

And she said, "Oh, it doesn't matter who they are.

We just want someone at City Hall, waiting in line who doesn't have flowers, to have flowers.

We want to show our love and support, by the way of giving them a bridal bouquet."

(upbeat music) - [Stephanie Foster] What really just struck me was just the happiness there.

I mean, I haven't been around that kind of joy, I don't think ever in my life.

And it's a historical moment.

So it's not just like, "Yay, we get to finally get married," but it's also like, this is history.

Life is changing.

The way we look at things is changing.

So there's all this... you know, happiness, joy, adrenaline.

I mean, it's amazing.

It really is.

(upbeat piano music) - [Michael] After I'd handed off a few bouquets, I saw these two guys that-- in suits.

And the fella that was going to marry them said, "These fellows here need a witness, would you mind?"

And I said, "No, I'd be thrilled."

One of them had taken his partner's last name, officially, and I got to witness them saying their vows overlooking the staircase at City Hall.

(upbeat piano music) All these-- all this time that I've been bringing flowers, I haven't been able to be a witness.

It was great.

It was so sweet.

You could just see the love in their eyes.

(upbeat piano music) - [Evan] Now that gay people have the freedom to marry after decades of struggle, of course, the country is continuing to grow in support because they're seeing that despite our differences, "our common humanity," as the Vermont Supreme Court put it, our shared aspirations, our shared vulnerabilities and needs as human beings, as reflected in this language of love and commitment, which is marriage, are fundamentally the same for gay and non-gay people.

(piano music crescendo fades) (upbeat piano riff starts) - [Narrator] As a winter rain descended upon San Francisco City Hall, shortly before Valentine's Day in 2004, so did hundreds of gay couples anxiously standing in line, waiting for the opportunity to say, "I do," and have this be recognized by their community for the first time in their lives.

(upbeat piano music) - [Evan] Marriage remains a powerful conversation that continues to grow support for gay people, for transgender people, and for affirming basic shared American values, despite our differences.

We have to keep engaging that conversation and keep moving forward.

(upbeat piano music) - [Narrator] Leading up to those historic weddings in 2004, Jennifer and Julia began their conversation almost by accident.

(music crescendoes) - [Julia] We had a, a mutual friend of ours who I worked for, and, um, I need t- to call on a reference for somebody who had worked for Jennifer.

And we, uh, spoke on the phone and talked about him for about 5 minutes and then continued to have a conversation for another 15, 20 minutes.

And, uh, when I hung up the phone, I knew that this was somebody who was gonna impact my life.

- [Jennifer] The General Manager here sort of insinuated that I should ask Julia out.

And I said, "That is just absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate for you to suggest that."

The nerve!

In my head, going, "Yeah, I really wish I could."

(both laugh) Um...

But it was just it was, you know, it was definitely... a very sort of mature realization that this was just not something that was gonna go away.

I mean, we just... we had... - [Julia] We spent a lot of time together.

We would, we f- refer to them as "undates" now, it's, you know, we just we have a lot in common.

(piano arpeggios) - [Jennifer] Julia is one of the most kind people I have ever met in my life, and... - [Julia] But it's a big secret - [Jennifer] But it's a secret.

And we don't tell people.

Um... and, you know, we make each other laugh and we're good sharers.

We share a lot.

And, you know, we've been able to work together, long hours together, for three years, um, in what is a very stressful, you know, work environment.

And then we go home together, and, um, and we still... manage to have fun with it and with other things in our lives.

So, um..

I don't know, it's kind of a package.

(Jennifer laughs) (romantic piano music) - [Julia] From the first time we talked, there's just been this connection.

Her energy... and I don't know if it's just that we're such a good fit that we really complement each other.

(romantic piano music) From the beginning, we've been able to put a dish together and we'll both be thinking, "This needs this."

And, you know, and you're kind of hesitant to say what you think at first, 'cause you're just meeting this person and then you find out it's the exact same thing, you know?

And it's, um... a person who sees your strengths and your good qualities and yet, is able to help you build even more on those.

(angelic piano arpeggios) - [Narrator] When San Francisco began issuing marriage licenses, Jennifer and Julia realized they should get in line, too, but they weren't sure what to expect.

- [Jennifer] There were two things that surprised me, specifically.

One was that I half expected or, was a little unsure about who would actually be in line to get married.

And we got married on the day where they married more couples than any other day.

They married like 850-some-odd people and I kind of expected that there would be a good proportion of very young, sort of, you know, immature, doing it for the wrong reasons, kinds of, of folks that were, you know, doing it because it's a cool thing to do, to make a statement...

There was none of that.

It was almost entirely, people who had been in relationships for a certain length of time.

(sweeping orchestral music) - [Jennifer] People who were of a more mature age group not saying "older," but, just of a mentality that it was very joyful, but obviously very reverent at the same time.

(sweeping piano and orchestral music) - [Jennifer] And then the second thing that really surprised, I think both of us, was the number of, of-- the people that were there in support of it, that had-- that were either-- had been married in the days previous that would-- brought coffee and bagels and food and sustenance to people that were-- 'cause we were out there... - [Julia] Socks.

- [Jennifer] ...for 5 hours.

There was one woman who so wonderfully-- she went to Walgreens, and bought athletic socks to use as mittens because it was so damp and cold.

It was raining for most of the time, and it was-- really-- it got very cold as a result.

And so, it was something to wear.

There was a young father who brought his two kids out because he wanted them to see what was happening, and had them passing out roses to people if they wanted to carry a flower.

I mean, it was really emotionally uplifting experience.

(piano music) - [Jennifer] And there were lots lots of people getting-- 'cause they did it in pairs, you know, all over the place-- - [Julia] There were probably, on the stairs, like eight other couples getting married.

And then, all around the top... - [Jennifer] I didn't notice any of them.

We were really lucky.

We were married by Carole Migden, which was very exciting.

There was a camera behind her and then somebody trying to have her sign someone else's marriage certificate 'cause they had so many people they wanted to get processed.

And she was very insistent that they go away.

She kept swatting them away, like, "Don't bother me right now I'm busy marrying somebody else."

She took it really seriously.

And I remember that very specifically.

She was very somber in delivering, presenting us our vows, although (Jennifer laughs) there was one small error in that she asked Julia to take me twice.

(Jennifer laughs) Which we got a big kick out of.

I've decided I'm a handful.

I needed to be taken twice.

(piano music) - [Narrator] This wasn't Jennifer's first experience with getting married.

(piano music) - [Jennifer] I was actually engaged to be married for a very brief amount of time and knew it wasn't the right thing.

One of the things that concerned me was I woke up one day and thought, "Well, if it doesn't work out, I can always get divorced."

And I knew that in my head-- I thought, "Oh my gosh, that's not-- I shouldn't be doing this, if that's how I really feel."

But that was the interesting thing, is that I didn't imagine a big white wedding with a reception.

So, it, to me, w- what we did was actually very much...

I didn't have a thing in my head about it, but it-- what we did was right exactly what should have happened.

(romantic piano music) - [Narrator] And even in a short time, the marriage changed both of them.

- [Julia] It does feel different And I, and I... you know, my parents have been married for, like... 48 years, um, - [Jen] Mmm hmmm.

- [Julia] And her parents have-- are married, and they've been - [Jen] For 40 years.

- [Julia] ...married for 40 years.

And, and to me, that's, you know, where I learned what a marriage was.

Where there are times where it's hard and your communication is bad.

And, but, you know, it's that you know-- we talk about this a lot-- it's the day-to-day that is-- makes it overall, fun.

Um, and just being able to enjoy that.

- [Jennifer] When I spoke to my mother, I was very nervous.

She's never, um... entirely been comfortable wi-- um... and I've been out to my parents for 12 or 13 years.

And, uh, her reaction was really surprising to me.

She was very positive and it almost seemed to change her opinion.

My brother, actually, my youngest brother, who's ten years younger than I am, said that when she told him, she was really funny because she said, "Now, I need to tell you something, and we've got to be supportive of Jen."

And he said, "Did they get married?!"

It was funny because she was sort of anticipating resistance from them, where it was normally the reverse.

It just seemed to really resonate with her for some reason.

(soft piano arpeggios) - [Narrator] In 2004, the gay marriages in San Francisco were only performed from February 12th until March 11th, when the Supreme Court in California ordered a halt to the ceremonies.

(piano music) While Jen and Julia and all of the nearly 4000 couples awaited a decision from the California Supreme Court, they feared for the worst.

They prepared for the State to invalidate their love and commitment.

- [Jennifer] It would be just... our luck to have this nullified before our family even gets here... (soft piano music) which would be really sad.

Sorry, I didn't expect this.

(soft piano music) You know, we had, um...

The day that they stopped the ceremonies... (soft piano music) A young man who had a... cake, a wedding cake scheduled for the following day-- it was a Friday-- had to call and cancel his cake, 'cause they canceled his, his marriage.

And it's-- as I tried to explain to my sister, this isn't about weddings.

What we felt like we had was a marriage ceremony witnessed by two people that we met in line who have become very good friends of ours.

And... it was not about, um, dresses and... flowers and receptions and, and bridesmaids and groomsmen, and all of that stuff.

It was really about making a commitment to each other, which I truly feel-- not to be melodramatic-- has...

I think it's changed both of us.

It's definitely changed how we view our future and relationship and commitment to each other.

- [Julia] And interestingly, you can see that in other couples that we know, that were married, too, how... maybe there was this, you know, underlying concern that here I am, giving all this to a person who can turn around and, and walk away from me.

And, and now they've had this, this marriage and it's taken a load off of a lot of people.

It's like, you feel like, "Okay, this person wants to make the same commitment that I do," and you, you've put it out there and that's really what it's about.

(piano arpeggio crescendoes) (upbeat piano music starts) - [Narrator] When San Francisco city officials decided to begin issuing marriage licenses, they purposefully picked the date of February 12th, known at the time as National Freedom to Marry Day.

- [Evan] February 12th, 2004, was a very special Freedom to Marry Day, because on that day, under the leadership of Mayor Gavin Newsom, San Francisco began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples who wanted to get married.

San Francisco was challenging the discrimination and saying that under the Constitution, cities like San Francisco could no longer, in good conscience, discriminate in the issuance of marriage licenses.

- [Bill] Valentine's Day is very important to me.

I adopted, uh, a son.

I was a single man, and I adopted, and it was finalized in this building.

And so every Valentine's Day, I'd...

I like to do something to sort of honor that day.

And I opened up the newspaper and realized what was happening.

And thought, "I'd better get over here really fast."

So, I did.

And the first day that I volunteered, I was a cameraman, I just went around and took pictures.

And the second day, they were really in, uh, in dire need of more volunteers as deputies, so I was deputized.

(upbeat piano music) - [Marge] I just asked her, "Would you marry me?"

and they let us-- - [Beth] Every day, every day, every day she asked!

"Would you marry me?

Would you marry me forever?"

(upbeat piano music) - [Sandy] I love you.

- [Terry] I love you, too.

(upbeat piano music) - [Teri] I think for me it's that public recognition, the equal rights that I'm receiving the same rights as a heterosexual couple and every other, you know-- it-- that's what's really important to me.

(upbeat piano music) - [Donald] If you just look at the language of these vows when you see "thoughtfully," "seriously," "deep realization," "obligations," "responsibilities," you know, "tender," et cetera.

Um... it says it all.

(upbeat music) - [Sean] A couple that arrived, uh, extremely well-dressed-- they were in tuxedo jackets and shirts and one of them was wearing a kilt.

And they had a rather large party with them, and a very attractive party, and I was kind of next in line to marry the couple, and it just flew out of my mouth and I said, "What a pretty party."

And they came towards me, and, uh, the one that was in the kilt was sort of in charge of everything.

So we decided on which area of the rotunda the ceremony was going to take place in.

And, he positioned everybody, and got me in position.

We started with the ceremony, and, uh... just at the moment where I got to the part about it being a solemn occasion and not to be taken lightly, he started to well up with tears and then, I'm looking at the partner and the partner's welling up with tears and then, by that point, I'm down to, uh, "Please remember that love is the most important thing," and then I'm welling up with tears.

And by the time we got through the exchange of the vows, and the rings... we were a mess.

And, after it was over, I felt like I was adopted.

And in all of that exchange, Uh, I said to the guy, "Does, is the kilt, uh... part of a particular clan?"

And he said, "Well, it was my grandfather's kilt."

And, uh... came the moment where I realized... Well, this is the point where a, a bride would say, "I got married in my mother's dress" or "my, my grandmother's dress."

(harp theme music) - [Mark Bliss] It was 11:30 at night I got off work.

I went to work with a coworker and we went out to have a drink after work.

And he had just moved in to the neighborhood and he was out checking out the bars.

And, uh, saw him all the way across the bar and just thought, "Oh, I'm going to go over and talk to him."

- [Mark Epstein] He got his claws in and never let go.

(Mark laughs) (car drives by) - [Mark B.]

Oh, I got ya!

Ha ha ha ha!

- [Joanne] No!

- [Mark E.] Woo!

Woo-hoo hoo!

(Joanne giggles) - [Mark B.]

C'mere, you.

(Joanne laughs) (Mark E. laughs) - [Mark B.]

Come here.

- [Mark B.]

Wanna up on Daddy's shoulders?

- [Joanne] No.

- [Mark B.]

Are you gettin' hungry?

You didn't have a nap yet.

Are you hungry?

Do you want a nap?

- [Mark E.] I can't reach you!

I can't reach you!

(Joanne laughs) - [Mark E.] You have a kiss for Aba?

- [Joanne] No... - [Mark E.] Mwah!

- [Mark B.]

You like riding Daddy?

- [Joanne] Daddy, and me... (harp melody) - [Mark E.] It, it hasn't been a lot of work to be in this relationship, um... where we seem to be fairly well-synched in terms of our moods and our interests and... you know, our approaches to things.

Which isn't to say we always agree because we certainly don't.

But, uh, you know, no, no... real big, you know, blow-ups or anything like that.

- [Mark B.]

No, and he's alway- always been the real, real rock-solid, reasonable one, and I'm the one that's a little more of the high energy.

You know, I get excited or sad or whatever.

And, you know, and, he, he's pretty good about centering.

So that works out pretty good.

He kinda stops me from bouncing all over the road, and, and at the same time, I, I...

I bring him to life a little bit.

- [Mark E.] His verve, his optimism, his energy... I- it's exhilarating and amazing Um, it just, uh-- I don't know that I've met anyone else who has the same positive outlook on, on things, and he has empowered me to do a lot of the things that I've done.

- [Mark B.]

He, he's, he's believed in me more than I've ever believed in myself, which has, I think, made me extend myself to do more and do better things.

Um, you know, I was a big part of us wanting to have a family, but I couldn't have done it without his knowledge and wisdom-- to make it actually happen.

And one of those-- he can do the planning and make the plan happen.

(thoughtful harp music) - [Narrator] Mark and Mark demonstrated their commitment to one another in the year 2000.

- [Mark B.]

We actually had our own commitment ceremony with a rabbi, which was done on, uh, August 26th of 2000.

So, which-- we had 125 of our closest friends and family down at a country club down in Southern California.

He was definitely the driving force behind it.

I appreciated and respected the religious significance of it.

He was the one that wanted to make sure that we stood up in front of God and family and said, "This is what we mean to each other and we want it to be recognized to, through, uh... our faith and, uh, um, and family."

(thoughtful harp music) - [Mark E.] When I suggested it to my parents, I expected some resistance and actually had none.

(soft harp music) And our commitment ceremony is the first commitment ceremony that I'd ever attended-- the first commitment ceremony that Mark had ever attended, and the same with my parents.

Uh, I would say that there were probably no more than ten people at our commitment ceremony who had ever been to one before.

(soft harp music) - [Mark B.]

My family came, which I thought, for them, was really stumbling out of their, their comfort zone.

And, um, it's kind of funny because they have chickens and stuff in the farm and it's a big effort for my parents to get off the farm.

And, um, I remember telling them about, well, "You know, who's going to feed the chickens?"

I says, "Eat the chickens, I'll buy you new ones."

(both laugh) - [Mark E.] That's a true story.

(laughs) (soft harp music) - [Narrator] When San Francisco started issuing licenses, Mark and Mark made sure to reaffirm their commitment at City Hall.

(soft harp music) - [Mark B.]

On February 13th-- - [Mark E.] Friday the 13th.

- [Mark B.]

Friday the 13th-- we were able to do it in front of the State and do it at City Hall.

The commitment ceremony had a lot more of th- the spiritual sense to it.

And there was-- I felt-- there was a crossing over and then the-- and the commitment and then the, uh, the service at, at City Hall, um it brought back a flood of that-- to me-- and I, I was very choked up.

So, you know, to hear him repeat the vows and reinforce the commitment that to us, has just always been kind of a natural course of our lives together, I think I was just pretty much in awe.

City Hall is just one of the most...

It's as beautiful as a cathedral.

And, so... to that, it what, that-- just created such a great sense...

The excitement, exuberance in the crowd, to come out-- just get your ceremony-- and the standing ovation, the hooting and the hollering and the screaming, that people were just, just cheering you on, it, it was very overwhelming all the way through the whole service.

(soft harp music arpeggio) The concept of having a committed relationship, I don't think should...

The commitment in the relationship shouldn't be any different between Mark and I, than it should be a straight couple.

I, I think you need to have that commitment to each other to be with each other and, and and there shouldn't be any difference.

And, and it took a while, too, in that transitioning of, of adolescence to... 'cause that was something I always wanted to have.

So the monogamy is very important to us, you know, and um, and that's always worked for us.

And, and, I don't-- I'm kind of old-fashioned in that, and I bring that... old-fashioned values to our relationship, I think, and, and I think we share them.

(gentle harp music) Okay, go show Aba how cute you are.

- [Joanne] Thank you.

- [Mark B.]

You're welcome, honey.

Good manners.

- [Joanne] I, I, I... - [Mark B.]

Can you fix your pocket?

- [Joanne] Oh, oh, can we do that?

- [Mark B.]

You want to turn the music on for Taylor?

- [Joanne] Yeah!

- [Narrator] Building a family together was critical for them.

- [Mark B.]

You know what to do?

(gentle harp music) - [Mark B.]

Before we had kids, we called ourselves a family.

And, since I've always wanted kids all of my life, this-- to be able to make the family grow beyond the two of us, has just been the most wonderful part of my life.

(gentle harp music) My mother is from England and she's a, more of a conservative British woman.

And I think this is-- being on a small farm in Minnesota-- it's outside of your exposure of, of those things being possible.

So I think it probably seemed far-fetched and a big stretch.

But now that she's seen the experience, lives the experience, (Joanne screams with delight) for her, it's a natural fit.

So, um, once she kinda-- once she realized it could be done, then, uh, I think she's been grateful that we've been able to be successful at-- at our relationship, and also with our children.

(Joanne laughs) (Mark E. laughs) (Joanne laughs) - [Mark E.] Mark's parents and my parents are both still married, and seem... seemingly happily married.

I mean, no one knows what goes on inside another relationship, but I think it is that bedrock upon which we built our relationship.

And it's why we've been together for ten years, and expect that we'll be together for the rest of our lives and look forward to raising our children, uh... and suggesting to them that, you know, a traditional relationship, regardless of the gender of the partner, is a good way to live your life.

I'm not going to say it's the only way, but it's certainly worked for us.

(soft harp arpeggio) (upbeat piano music) - [Teri] The sky hasn't fallen in because we got married.

You know, there's no rioting in the streets because we got married.

It's just, uh, you know, it's two people who love each other very much.

She brings joy to my, everyday, to my life.

You know, she does.

She brings joy every day to my life.

(Teri laughs) (piano music) - [Evan] We gave people a chance to, number one, understand, in truth, who gay people really are, who same-sex couples really are.

Not the stereotypes, not the fears, not the ideology, not the abstractions, but the real stories of real people.

That helps touch hearts and minds and begin to open eyes.

And of course, as we did so, we began building a mountain of evidence and experience that showed families helped, no one hurt.

None of the bad things turned out to be true.

And that also helped assuage fear, reassure people, remind them that, that at least, they don't care.

At least, they can live with it.

And in many cases, understanding this is actually a good thing, a good thing not just for gay people, but for the community, for families, for the country.

(soft piano music) - [Narrator] The story of marriage equality in the United States could not be told without the pivotal chapter that occurred in San Francisco in 2004.

The thousands of couples who converged on City Hall to declare their commitment were etching their names in a history that would eventually be affirmed by the Supreme Court on June 26th, 2015.

- [Evan] We won support for the freedom to marry in the court of public opinion before we won it in the Supreme Court.

The Supreme Court did not give us the freedom to marry as a gift.

The Supreme Court affirmed what the Constitution requires and what the American people wanted.

(gentle music) - [Narrator] The people who stood in long lines braved the cold rain and pledged their commitment, made it clear why they did.

-[Kate] for us, uh, it's got to be primarily about love and showing our commitment and being able to stand up before our friends and our family and, in, in a, uh, publicly recognized, uh, ceremony, um... for the moment, anyway.

And, and, uh, and, and say, you say those words that everybody you know, they sort of thinks about when they're growing up, you know, to, to say to look at the person you love and say, "I do."

(upbeat piano and string music) - [Matt] People tend to charge things into very politically divided, uh, kind of divisive things, and this is really about people, it's about love, it's about family, it's-- and it's about coming along to the modern century, and realizing that what our parents, and grandparents and great-grandparents may have grown up with as a family unit, um, it doesn't necessarily have to be the only way.

Um, there are other ways that are as valid, and as wonderful and beautiful, and I think it's about time that, as a society, we acknowledge those.

So, I'm very proud to have participated in that.

(upbeat piano and string music) - [Teri] This is not to be taken lightly, and this is, you know, the integrity of it, and I think that's really important.

I think, you know, for me, we actually came down last Monday, was it?

Not this past Monday, the Monday before, because they had just changed from standing in line to appointments.

And I said, "Well, let's go down."

And we were all standing over there, dialing.

It was dialing for marriage.

It was pretty funny.

All these wonderful people, and who was in line, are committed individuals.

These are people, you know, it's not like they asked a person, you know, the day before, to get married.

These are people who have been together.

They have lives together.

And, so, I think, for me, was that... we are saying we have this commitment together and we're honoring that commitment.

(piano and string music fades) (soft piano music) - [Rochelle] This is going to be the mushiest story ever.

(soft piano music) - [Rochelle] The famous swing.

- [Annie] What was the first time?

I, I was sitting out here, just thinking about her, and I think she called, and she was... You were downtown with your friends, - [Rochelle] Mmm hmm.

- [Annie] And you had stopped to get a caramel apple.

- [Rochelle] And she said, "I'm sitting on the swing with a glass of wine," and I said, "Hmm, I might be driving by the area."

Just happened to be.

And she said... "Why don't you?"

And I sat at the stoplight-- stop sign, down here for like, I don't know, 10 minutes.

So nervous, 'cause I didn't know if I should, you know, didn't know if I could.

And I sat there at that stoplight and... finally I just hit the gas.

(both laugh) Just came cruising by, pretending nonchalantly, and here she is, sitting here, swinging, with a glass of wine.

(piano riff) - [Annie] And she came up and shared her caramel apple with me.

- [Rochelle] So, we sat here and, uh, that was the first of many nights of swinging and wine and conversation.

- [Annie] And caramel apples.

- [Rochelle] It was summer and she had this tiny tank top on.

- [Annie] Shhh!

- [Rochelle] I couldn't-- I c- I didn't know anything you said.

(laughs) I was just... (soft piano music fades) - [Annie] She called me, and she came in one day to my office and, uh, uh, the minute she walked in, I think I knew, um... but we had several business meetings after that.

And, uh, finally one day, I just had to tell her how I felt.

And I did.

And-- - [Rochelle] It was mutual, absolutely.

- [Annie] Little did I know it was mutual, right?

And, and it's something I'd never done in my life.

Ever, ever, ever, ever.

And, um, I just knew that if we were going to have a working relationship that I needed, regardless of how it went, I needed for her to know how I felt because I couldn't go on looking at her every day, knowing how I felt, without her knowing.

So I talked to a lot of friends of mine, and they were, they said, "You know, you, you need to just put it out there and whatever happens from there, happens."

and we had a Saturday business meeting in my office and she was sitting on one side of the desk and I was on the other, and I just stopped her cold in the middle of a business sentence.

And I said, "Stop, I need to tell you how I feel."

And when I did, she just dropped her head and said, "I feel the same way."

So... (laughs) We were off to the races.

It's been incredibly awesome.

And every day is...

I, I've never felt like this.

- [Rochelle] Yeah.

And we knew we could not not be together.

I mean, everyth- just seemed like it happened so fast, but it was like this...

This is it.

This is it, this is what I've been looking for my whole life.

How can we not... honor this to each other and to the universe?

And just our souls were like, just... - [Annie and Rochelle] Collision.

(both laugh) (soft orchestral music) - [Narrator] The feelings that Annie and Rochelle had for each other were undeniable.

But until that fateful February in San Francisco, there hadn't been the same way to express and recognize their relationship.

- [Rochelle] It was Valentine's weekend.

San Francisco opened up its gates and was marrying gay couples and it was like, we have to do this.

This is history.

How can we not be a part of this?

And more for the fact that... to be counted and be a number and be part of this amazing... historical event.

(soft piano and string music) - [Rochelle] So, one day, I was home during the daytime and I got to go to the store and buy tons and tons-- bunches of daisies.

Just-- I bought everything they had there and, um, just filled the entire room.

So, when she walked in, it was just... filled with flowers, with signs everywhere that said "Marry Me."

Just something-- a, a surprise, and to let her know how much she means to me, and how much this means to me and that I want this forever.

And when I came home... - [Annie] I had some time.

(both laugh) - [Rochelle] She had little...

I had "Marry Me" everywhere.

Little signs, big signs.

And when I came home, there was "Yeses"... Big, small, everywhere.

And she was on the couch with a shirt she had made with a big "Yes" on the shirt.

- [Annie] (laughing) A fabric-painted "Yes."

- [Rochelle] Yes, it was awesome.

- [Annie] There was no question.

Just no question that we would do it.

(orchestral music fades) - [Narrator] Rochelle made repeated phone calls to San Francisco City Hall to try and get an appointment.

Due to the sheer number of couples who wanted to get married, it took several days before she was able to get through.

But she finally did.

(soft piano music) - [Donald] We are gathered here in the presence of witnesses for the purpose of uniting in matrimony Anne Marie Murray and Rochelle Ann Neally.

- [Rochelle] Road trip, we're going to San Francisco, we're doing this.

And I didn't expect the, um, um, emotional aspect of, the moving aspect of...

Going to City Hall to get married just sounds... so, you know... you walk up to a window and you get a certificate.

But just the emotional level of it was so intense.

And so, I mean, City Hall's beautiful, and all the couples are getting married, and it just meant so much to us.

- [Donald] The contract of marriage is most solemn and is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities.

- [Annie] We went to get the certificate.

We didn't-- we weren't going to do a ceremony.

We actually weren't even going to do that.

We thought, oh, we'll just go and, you know... get counted, and this will mean something to us, but we don't have to go through everything.

And then we stood there and thought, this is... we have to do this.

We-- we're here and, and this is moving and we know what we mean to each other.

And we're in this space and we've gotta go forward with that.

- [Rochelle] Mm hmm.

- [Annie] So we ran back to find Donald, who was waiting.

- [Donald] Please remember that love, loyalty and understanding are the foundations of a happy and enduring home.

No other human ties are more tender and no other vows more important than those you are about to pledge.

- [Rochelle] I- it means so much more to say you're married versus everyone else.

When you're in a relationship, a gay relationship, you've lived with everyone you've lived with previously.

Yeah, "I lived with that girlfriend.

I lived with this girlfriend."

But, no, this... we can say we're married and that is more permanent to... when I say that to my friends and to my family, that I'm married.

This is not just "I'm living with somebody."

I mean, it, it has great-- more impact and it means more to me.

And I think from outsiders looking in, you know, when they see the rings on our finger and know that we're married, I mean, and we're...

It's-- this is it.

- [Donald] Do you, Annie, take Rochelle to be your spouse for life?

- [Annie] I do.

- [Donald] And, Rochelle, do you take Annie to be your spouse for life?

- [Rochelle] I do.

Looking into her eyes and saying the vows of... of "I'm here for you forever," through the good and the bad and...

I'm committing myself to you.

And it was...

I mean, and we say "I love you" every day, but not in that form of... (soft piano music) - [Rochelle] Ahh... (Rochelle sighs) to the universe and to everyone that was around watching-- and looking in her eyes.

And it was, oh, it was amazing.

It was just all I could do not to... break down and cry right there.

It was just so moving.

And I've never had that feeling with anybody, just so full of emotion and not just saying words.

It was... Just looking into her eyes and saying those words to her, that I, I love you and I will be here... always, is... And I mean that, and I meant that.

And it was really amazing.

(piano arpeggios) (Annie sniffles) (Rochelle chuckles) Don't cry, Annie.

(piano music builds) - [Donald] I give you this ring - [Annie] I give you this ring - [Donald] in token and pledge - [Annie] in token and pledge - [Donald] of my constant faith - [Annie] of my constant faith - [Donald] and abiding love.

- [Annie] and abiding love.

- [Donald] With this ring - [Annie] With this ring - [Donald] I thee wed. - [Annie] I thee wed. - [Donald] Okay, and Rochelle, please place the ring on Annie's finger and repeat after me, to her.

(piano theme builds) - [Donald] I give you this ring - [Rochelle] I give you this ring - [Annie] Since she came into my life, I've never been this happy.

I've just...

I haven't experienced this ever in my life.

And, you look at her face and it's pure joy.

And that's what I get to have every single day, forever, now.

Forever, is this joy.

It is just a perfect match.

(both kiss and cry) (piano arpeggios crescendo) (both kiss and laugh) - [Annie] When I did talk to my parents, my mom said, "You, you did this when?"

And I said-- and I gave her the date, I said, "March 4th."

And she said, "Honey, how come you didn't tell us?"

And I said, "I just felt like you've been so supportive.

This was just pushing it over the edge a little bit."

And she said-- she was awesome.

She said, "You're our daughter.

We want to share this with you.

We, you know, we support and stand behind you."

I mean, I couldn't have written the script any more perfect.

And my dad was on the phone, and they were both so wonderful about the whole thing.

And, and then they went on to say... yeah, the Church, you know, the Pope, this and the Pope that, but, you know, local level churches are very accepting.

And she said, "You know, I, I think it's terrible that gay people don't have the same rights."

It was just, I-- I wish I had taped it so I could listen to it a million times.

They were warm and wonderful and loving and just one more time opened their arms for me.

(soft harp music) - [Annie] People need to know how lucky we are and that, I think...

I'm gonna say something really corny here, but this...

I wish this for everybody.

There should be nobody walking this earth that doesn't feel this, even if it's just for a short time.

(soft harp music) This is what it's all about.

Okay, I'm done.

(Rochelle laughs) (soft harp music fades) - [Narrator] The events in San Francisco in 2004 helped spark a revolution in marriage equality that was confirmed in 2015 by the United States Supreme Court.

The legacy of those early marriages continues in the lives of those who were married then and those who fought for it to be legal everywhere, and with the more than a million same-sex couples who have been married in the United States, since.

(upbeat piano music) - [Evan] In June of 2015, of course, this decades-long struggle, with many ups and downs, to win the freedom to marry, culminated in our victory in the Supreme Court.

A victory that reflected the transformation we had achieved in hearts and minds, and then the law.

Public support has continued to grow, because people are seeing that families are helped, and no one is hurt.

All the gloom and doom and scare tactics of our opponents, over decades, have been proven false.

Gay people haven't used up the marriage licenses.

There's enough marriage for everyone to share.

(upbeat piano music) It's understandable that people worry and think, "Is it possible even the freedom to marry that we fought so hard for so long, to win, could be taken away?"

And of course, the historical answer is anything can happen.

You can never be complacent.

You always have to be vigilant.

Terrible things do happen.

That said, the best way to prevent it is not by worrying and agonizing and hand-wringing and getting immobilized by the fear, but rather, doing the work we need to do anyway.

(upbeat piano music) - [Narrator] The marriage equality movement that began with events like the marriages in San Francisco in 2004, paved the way for legislation like the Respect for Marriage Act, which was signed into law in 2022.

(piano music fades) (upbeat music)