The Hardest Day

(traffic passing) - [John] Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

- Please stop.

Don't, I don't want to be here, John.

I don't want to be here.

- I know.

I know, I know, I know.

I know, I know, I know.

I know.

(somber music) Well you that we have to go.

We gotta go, we gotta catch the tide.

(owners smooching) (somber music) - I'll be right back.

I'll be right back, Spartan.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

I love you.

I love you.

Listen, Spartan, I'm right here, okay.

I'm right here.

I'm sorry.

You have to go.

You have to go, Spartan.

You have to go.

I can't do this to you.

I love you, Spartan.

- [Loren] Whisper in his ear.

- I love you Spartan.

This is Daddy.

I'll see you soon.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back, Spartan.

I love you.

Daddy loves you.

Mama loves you.

We love you very much.

My boy.

Oh my God, Michael.

Oh my God, my boy.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I love you.

I love you.

(John sniffling) I love you.

- I think our culture doesn't generally take the death of pets all that seriously.

I mean, you don't get to take time off work, and people don't send you sympathy cards and you know, they may say, well, I'm sorry for your loss, but you can get another, and all of these things that really, if you've just lost a pet, they're not what you wanna hear, and there will be people who will roll their eyes and say, God, it's just a dog.

Get over it, and that's a very cruel thing to say.

(phone unclipping) - [Carol] Hello?

- [Heba] Hello, can I speak to Carol, please?

- [Carol] This is Carol.

- [Heba] Hi, Carol.

This is Dr. Heba with Lap of Love.

- [Carol] Hey, doctor.

- Hi.

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, and I wanted to give you a heads up that I am on your way to you.

We'll be there probably about 20 minutes.

- [Carol] Okay.

Not feeling good at all.

- Right.

You're definitely taking the right decision for her today.

I'm terribly sorry.

- [Carol] Thank you.

- You're welcome.

I'll see you in a little while.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

- [Carol] Bye-bye.

- So she is crying and she's saying that her Risi is not doing well.

You know, I feel sad because she's sad too, and she's crying, but she's definitely taking the right decision for her Risi today.

We're just gonna support her when we're there and assure her that this is the right decision for her baby.

I always make sure that I read through our notes really well, because we make sure that we're respecting the family's wishes, and I know how they feel before I get there, and how anxious they are, and sad, and sometimes don't know what to expect.

(car door clicking) - [Carol] Come here, baby.

Hi, this is.

- [Heba] Hi, Carol.

I'm so sorry.

- Stop it.

I don't want her to hurt anymore.

- [Heba] Okay.

- And you can tell she don't feel good.

- [Heba] Yeah, she's not feeling well.

- She's not feeling good.

- [Heba] Okay.

- I don't want her to feel bad anymore.

I really don't.

- [Heba] I understand.

- Yeah, I really don't.

- [Heba] So I'll just explain the procedure then.

The first injection is going to be a heavy sedation, and it's also a very good painkiller.

So after that first injection, she's not gonna be in any pain at all.

She's gonna be in a fuzzy place, and it takes around five to 10 minutes for that first injection to work, and I'll let you know when she's ready for the last injection, and then I'm going to listen with my stethoscope, make sure that everything is calm.

I'm going to make you a paw print, and then I'm gonna step outside, give you some privacy with her.

- No.

- [Heba] You don't want the privacy time?

- No.

- [Heba] Okay, so I'll be back as soon as possible.

- No, I just hurt, yeah, I'm gonna be the one stepping outside, if that's okay.

- [Heba] Whatever you feel comfortable with.

I don't want you.

- I'm gonna take her out with me.

- Whatever you feel comfortable with.

- Yeah.

- So you, there is no obligation for you to stay, if you're not comfortable.

- Yeah.

No, I want to take her outside with me.

- I understand, I understand.

- [Carol] Because she's not gonna understand when you take her out.

- [Heba] Okay.

Yes.

- [Carol] I'm ready whenever you are.

I don't want her to hurt no more.

You're not gonna hurt no more.

No more.

- [Heba] So this injection might sting just a little, baby.

- I don't think she's gonna feel it.

Poor baby's not feeling good.

I know, baby.

Mommy doesn't want you to hurt no more.

No more.

With all my heart, I love you.

You love her too, Roxy loves you too.

- [Heba] I think I'll just increase the dose just a little bit because I want her to be very comfortable.

I just touched her paws and she tried to withdraw it a little, so I'll just give her a little bit more.

All right, are you comfortable staying or will you be leaving?

- Can I go out?

- [Heba] Absolutely.

Absolutely, you can go out.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- I love you, baby.

I love you and I know you love me and Roxy.

Roxy loves you too.

We love you.

(Carol sniffling) We love you so much, sweetheart.

I love you.

Come on, Roxy.

Go outside with me.

Come on, baby.

Come on.

Come on, Roxy.

Come on.

Thank you for taking care of my little girl.

- [Heba] I promise you I will.

- I love you, baby.

I love you so much.

Roxy loves you too.

Come on.

- All right.

(somber music) She's got her wings now.

She's an angel.

I'm just gonna make her a paw print.

So their paw prints are pretty unique to them, just like our fingerprints.

(somber music) It says, forever in our hearts.

- It's, it feels like you're having your heart ripped outta your chest, and it's a huge moral weight picking up that phone.

(telephone ringing) - Lap of Love, this is Donna.

Can you tell me a little bit about what's going on with her?

Oh.

(pen scribbling) Yeah, we never have them long enough though, do we?

It's hard to see that, isn't it?

I know.

When you love someone, it's so hard to see them decline.

Our doctors are very caring and compassionate.

They actually specialize in end of life care.

So they are very accustomed to this very sensitive time in Abby Rose's life so, they're very sweet and caring, and I can tell you, I'm here too.

If you need anything, you can call me.

All right?

(keys clicking) Yes, that is accurate.

They're gonna leave you with a clay paw print and a fur clipping.

Those things I think will help to give you peace, and certainly if you have questions or concerns, don't hesitate to call me, okay?

I'm here for you.

All right, you take care.

Bye.

It's an honor to be able to help the families that we help.

You know, having gone through this myself, I understand how difficult it is and because I care about that person on the phone, I have an opportunity to reach out to them and to help them walk this journey, and love is such a precious thing, and our pets are part of our family and they give such unconditional love that, you know, when people lose their pets, it's like losing a part of their selves.

(bag clicking) (car door clicking) (steps clicking) - [Owner] Who's been having bacon all morning?

- You can have all the bacon.

You can have as much bacon as you want, buddy.

Hi.

Hello.

He's 17 years, huh?

- [Owner] He'll be 17 in March, or I guess he turned 17 in March.

- [Anna] Oh, it's an absolute testament to how good you've been doing with him.

You've done an amazing job.

I know how hard this is, and they said your heart doesn't sound very good.

Can I listen?

Can I listen?

- [Owner] You might be able to hear it from here.

- [Anna] Oh, is it really bad?

- [Owner] He has a really bad heart murmur.

- [Anna] Oh yeah, it's really loud.

Well, this is first time for everybody going through this process?

- [Dog Owner] Yeah, yeah, first one.

- [Anna] Yeah.

It can be really tough.

Yes.

It never gets easy making this decision, but you are making the best decision for Biscuit today 'cause he's really not feeling so good.

- [Dog Owner] Yeah, yep.

- [Anna] We do give pain medication and sedation first.

It, the injection doesn't sting, but if we're feeling a lot of pain, any little pinch can feel really big.

So I'm gonna go very, very slow giving that injection under the skin.

- [Dog Owner] Okay.

- [Anna] It takes about five to 10 minutes to kick in.

You'll notice that we're gonna feel really good for a minute, so we may start to pant.

We're gonna get really sleepy, get really relaxed.

He'll want us to fall asleep or be on cloud nine, and then I'll have to find access to a vein and give the overdose of anesthesia.

Won't feel anything because he'll already be asleep at that point.

(family sniffling) (somber music) You're such a good boy.

(somber music) - [Owner] We love you so much, Biscuit.

You know that?

(somber music) (family crying) (somber music) - [Anna] You can walk out with us if you want.

You can carry him if you want.

Whatever you're comfortable with.

There's no right or wrong answer.

- [Teenager] Thank you.

- You did an amazing thing for him.

You did such a good job.

You were the best possible thing that could have happened to him.

Take care of yourself, okay.

Breathe.

Take some time for yourself if you need it, okay.

- [Teenager] Thank you.

- You're welcome.

I'm gonna give hugs to everybody.

Hugs for everybody.

(teenager giggling) - [Dog Owner] Thank you so much.

- Thank you.

- [Anna] Everybody gets a hug.

You're welcome.

I'm taking on an action that is totally against our nature.

We don't want to kill things.

It's against what I want to do, but I'm giving them a better passing than they would if they were just to lay at home or outside or wherever it is they're at, and let nature takes its course slowly.

Grief is like a compounding of all of that love that you felt for that pet through their entire life, all in one go, and that's really the best way to describe it, is all of that emotion, all in one sitting, and it hurts.

It's so powerful that it physically hurts.

- Determining the day, the hour, and the time that their pet will pass is such an unnatural decision for people to have to make, but many pet families do it.

They have their head overrule their heart in order for them to make this decision because they realize that it's a humane way to help their pets pass.

- The veterinarians who are doing in-home euthanasia are really doing, they're caring for animals and they're caring for families.

I don't wanna say that a euthanasia in a clinic is bad, but there's so many things about the home that are better in my opinion, or at least better for many people.

It's a comfortable environment for the animal.

I think that's one of the most important things.

It's where they're used to being, and often an animal who's at death's door is uncomfortable, painful, or nauseous, or many other options, but uncomfortable.

That's why the euthanasia vet's coming.

So loading them up into a car and driving them to a clinic, is, it just, it imposes more discomfort.

- Hi, Phil.

It's Dr. Lisa with Lap of Love.

Are you hanging in there today, sweetheart?

- [Phil] Yes, yes.

- Hey, I'm sorry to hear that Gus isn't doing too well.

That's tough.

- [Phil] No, he's suffering.

- Oh, bless his heart.

So I am, I just wanted to let you guys know I'm, I should be there in about 15 to 20 minutes, okay?

- [Phil] Okay.

- All right, sweetheart.

Well, hang tight.

We're headed your way, and we'll help you with sweet Gus just in a couple moments, okay?

- [Phil] Okay.

All right, thank you.

- All right.

You're welcome.

Take care, bye-bye.

I used to work every single day of my life when I was a general practitioner, and now I don't work a single day at all.

I am truly blessed to say that I just simply drive around and help families in one of the most difficult times of their life, and to me, that's not working.

What drew me to this type of work was helping patients in general practice.

When I would help them in the hospital, it just didn't feel right, it didn't feel natural, and no matter how hard I tried to make things comfortable for them, at the end of the day, it wasn't their home, and I had a longtime client of mine ask me to come to his home when one of my favorite patients wasn't doing well, to help him transition, and when I went to their home and helped him transition there, it really just opened up my eyes to what a beautiful process it is to let a loved one transition at home.

Everybody's more comfortable and it's just the way that it should be.

Love is absolutely a noble deed for these animals that provide us nothing but unconditional love.

When they are at the worst moment in their life, the best gift that we can give them is to give them the gift of peace and to be freed of a body that is failing them.

Okay.

(trunk lid slamming) - Our doctors, every time they go to a home, they give a little bit of themselves.

They walk with the family through that very crucial part of the appointment.

They hold their hand, and I know it has to have an emotional effect on them.

Wow.

To do that five times a day, home after home, that's amazing.

(dog barking) - [Lisa] I'm Lisa.

- [Phil] Hi, I'm Phil.

- [Lisa] Hi, Phil.

Come here, sweetheart.

- [Phil] Hi.

- Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, you're so handsome.

You're so handsome.

You're so handsome.

Oh.

- He said, I was a beauty.

- He's handsome now.

I can't even imagine what he looked like when he was in his younger days, so.

Have you guys been through this before, having to say goodbye?

- Oh, yes.

- You have, okay.

I absolutely would be helping him if he were my guy, so.

- Well, he ate well yesterday morning and.

- [Lisa] Good, yeah.

What'd you feed him?

Did he get any table food?

Steak?

Did you give him any steak, table food?

- I gave him table.

I gave him actually link sausage this morning.

- [Lisa] Nice.

- And I gave him that last night with Cesar, and he seemed to like it.

- Good.

You got spoiled, huh?

Did you get spoiled?

- And Angus.

- Did you get spoiled?

- He got Angus burgers.

- You did?

Oh my goodness, you are so loved.

You are so loved.

You're so loved.

You're a good boy.

Okay.

Are you comfortable if I get his pain medicine on board?

- [Phil] Sure.

- Okay.

You're okay.

- [Phil] Hey, baby.

- [Lisa] It's a teeny tiny little pinch.

Oh, good job.

- [Phil] You have always been my big boy.

- Good job.

- [Phil] So brave, you've always been.

- So he is on cloud nine.

If you want to enjoy him nice and relaxed a few more moments, you can, or if you're ready for me to help him transition, I can do that as well.

(somber music) He's at peace.

He's at peace.

Oh, Gus.

(somber music) We know how difficult it is to get through a time like this.

So we just have a lot of beautiful readings to help you guys get through this, okay.

- [Phil] All right, thank you.

- In the back cover is my direct contact information, okay.

I personally believe that when you invite me to your home, that we're now family.

So please call me, reach, you know, reach out to me, email me, whatever you need.

I'm here for you, okay.

- [Phil] I appreciate that.

- You're welcome.

- [Phil] Thank you.

- All right, sweetheart.

They're just brilliant animals.

Brilliant.

Okay, when we get out there, sweetheart, he's gonna go on the left hand side.

There are wheels on this end, so we'll put his bottom in first.

If you'll just support him for me.

All right, we're just gonna turn.

We'll put his bottom in.

Okay, and then if you wanna turn around, I got him.

- [Phil] Okay.

- There you go, and you can give him a hug and a kiss.

- Goodbye, sweetie.

We'll be together again.

I love you so much and I'll miss you.

You will never know how much I'll miss you.

Thank you so much.

- [Lisa] You're welcome.

I'm gonna take the best care that I can, okay.

- Okay, I appreciate that.

- [Lisa] And if you need anything, you reach out to me, okay.

- Okay.

- [Lisa] He's gonna be home very soon.

- [Phil] Okay.

- [Lisa] And seriously, if you need me, call me, okay.

- Okay, I appreciate that.

- [Lisa] Do you wanna give him one more kiss?

You can.

- Yes, I will.

- Yeah.

Love never dies.

I'm a firm believer that love never dies 'cause we're all essentially energy and energy can't be created or destroyed.

So really, when we're saying goodbye to our loved one, we're just essentially helping them leave a body that's failing them, and that love does live on forever in the hearts of the family members that are still here.

- I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, this is so much better than walking into a clinic, and I did emergency medicine, you know.

I've seen the ones that would come in at two o'clock in the morning and they're like, doc, I don't know what to do, and we have to walk them through that process.

So I always tell 'em like, this is why we do this is because it is the very best option that we have.

I was a sophomore in veterinary school when I had, when I experienced the first euthanasia of my own personal dog, and then probably two years out of school when I had to euthanize another dog, and then even just a few months ago, I lost my other pup.

You know, this is her, the one with, that I had my paw print on, and she was with me through everything.

She was with me through veterinary school and I remember studying late at night and she'd be on my, just next to me on the couch, and so she was with me through everything, and losing, you know, losing a pet and especially one that's just like, kind of been your heart and soul dog, it sucks, you know?

It's so rough and it's, it just like shocks you into that moment and everybody says, you know, it doesn't get easier, it doesn't get easier, it doesn't get easier, and I always say like, I feel like it gets harder, like, every pet you lose 'cause you lose all of them all over again.

You literally, like, you have to go through the loss of, when I lost Seko, I lost Stoli again.

I lost Dusty again, I lost Copper again.

You know, I just like, you just feel it all over again.

So, you know, those experiences just keep you, they keep you in the moment, especially as a doctor.

They keep you human and they constantly just remind you what that's all about, and even for me, losing Seko, I didn't get to have a euthanasia with her.

You know, I didn't get to hold her and like, tell her thank you, you know.

She died in the same ER that I started Lap of Love in, so the same ER that I was working in when I literally started this work, and she died in the middle of the night without me.

I wasn't even there to hold her but, you know, I always tell my families that they all, we die like we live.

- Michael, we're here right out front.

Okay, okay.

Thank you, bye.

Okay, he'll be right out.

Hi, I'm Dr. Nil.

- [Michael] Yeah, thank you so much.

- [Nil] Sure.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, you can be holding him, patting him, whatever you want to do, absolutely.

He can be on your lap, whatever you want.

- [Michael] Okay.

Once he's gone, I don't want to see him dead.

- [Nil] Okay, absolutely.

Yeah.

Now, do you want us to take him or do you want to bury him?

- [Michael] We got him in the, well, we're gonna, would you mind carrying him out?

We have a place in the backyard or.

- [Nil] Okay.

- [Michael] Dug, ready to go.

- [Nil] Okay.

- [Michael] And we got a little pillowcase that we.

- [Nil] Oh, okay.

- [Michael] That's.

- [Nil] Yeah, do you want Miguel and I to kind of do that?

- If you wouldn't mind.

- [Nil] Yeah, okay, sure.

- You would really be willing to do that, 'cause I don't wanna have to?

- [Nil] Oh, absolutely.

No, no, that's fine.

It's okay, baby.

- Good boy, that's such a good boy.

(somber music) - Those in the veterinary world and teams that come together that focus on end of life, they so much see the importance of, you know, offering pet families this peaceful passing for their pets, and really what they do is they're honoring, truly honoring that human animal bond, and what they get is that the families need support too.

(Michael sniffling) Absolutely vital, because so often in our society, that type of grief and saying goodbye to your pet, it's disenfranchised.

So many people will say, it's just a dog, or it was just a cat.

You know, just take it and, and have a, you know, a needle stick in and just say goodbye and then tomorrow go adopt a new one, but those that work in this interdisciplinary field certainly see that people are not just having ownerships with their pets, but they're truly having relationships.

- I've had some people call me with some very difficult stories.

Do you want me to share one?

I can tell you that the most difficult one for me was a young girl who was, whose cat was elderly and ill, had kidney failure and she had to put her cat down.

During the course of the conversation she explained to me, she shared with me that this cat, she had been her cat since she was a little girl and she had been sexually abused, and after every abuse she and the cat would climb in the closet and she would hold her cat and her cat would take away her pain.

I called her for three months after her cat was put down to check on her, I encouraged her to get counseling, but people's animals mean a lot to them.

- Hi, this is Dr. Jade with Lap of Love.

Hello.

I was just calling to let you guys know that according to my GPS, we should be there in about 15 to 20 minutes or so.

Okay.

All right, you're welcome.

We'll see you shortly.

Okay, bye.

It's really touching and it's truly an honor to be invited to be a part of that process.

It's a very intimate moment and to be able to witness that, you know, especially when I first started, I used to say all the time that I feel like with every appointment my heart gets bigger 'cause I just see love, unconditional love every day and to just, to be able to be a part of that is truly, truly an honor.

(door clicking) Hello.

- [Dog Owner] Hello.

So Belle unfortunately cannot walk anymore.

- [Jade] Okay.

- So she's got a bum back leg and her other back leg is giving out.

- [Jade] Okay, okay.

Now have you guys been through this process with a pet before?

- I mean, I've lost plenty of pets as a kid, but not doing it this way.

- Okay, okay.

- Come on over.

We can be over here.

- [Jade] Yeah, you can be.

- You don't have to be over there.

- [Jade] Wherever you, wherever everyone's comfortable.

- Yeah, wherever's comfortable, yeah.

- [Jade] Mmhmm, yeah.

- She loved to.

- We used to go on, everybody used to go on a run together.

- Yeah, she could run.

She wouldn't run without a leash on, and she'd ride beside the bike and run on the treadmill.

She loved to lay on the bed and lay on the couch.

You don't have to be here for this part if you don't wanna be.

- We got a few minutes till we're fully relaxed, yeah, but we can kind of come and go as we please.

(children sniffling) - It's okay, it's okay.

You don't, you can go if you want.

Why don't you guys go?

You can be in the other room, that's all right.

- [Owner] And then we'll let you say goodbye, okay.

(children crying) - Yeah, all right, yeah, yes.

- [Jade] Okay, it's just like watching her fall asleep.

Okay?

- [Dog Owner] But if you don't wanna be here, you don't have to be.

- [Owner] You can go in there if you want, or in your room, okay, or you can go in our room, okay.

- [Jade] So now that she's nice and relaxed, we're ready for the next step, and I'll go nice and gentle.

She's on cloud nine, feeling really good.

- Okay, sweet girl.

Sweet dreams now.

(owner sniffling) - [Jade] She's at peace now.

It went very gently.

(owners crying) Oh, sweet little girl.

(somber music) There we go.

It's a really cute paw, and this takes about a week to air dry, but you don't need to bake it.

- [Owner] Okay.

- [Jade] There's a little reminder for you at the bottom.

(somber music) (owner sniffling) - [Owner] Oh, there you go, one last trip.

- There's so much love in the world and you know, everybody is capable of it, and it really knows no bounds.

I think we forget that sometimes.

We kind of, we're so busy doing just our normal day-to-day life that we kind of forget and don't stop and just really marvel in what we have and the love and experiences that we have, and so seeing different people and different types of love and their expression of love just really shows me that it's infinite and we all love in our own way, and then being able to express that, I think, is really moving.

It's really touching.

(traffic zooming) - It's really heavy work, for one thing.

It's emotionally exhausting and challenging.

It's technically challenging too.

I don't wanna underemphasize how technically like, medically proficient these vets need to be.

I think there's this idea that you just stick a needle in a vein and push down the syringe, and there's a lot more to it than that.

I mean, it's really a work of love and commitment to helping animals primarily, but also helping the people who love animals.

- I talk to a lot of people from different walks of life and they all are very vulnerable.

People need people caring for them wherever you go, and it has made me a much more sensitive person for everybody out there.

- Or the most common phrasing you hear is I wanted to be a veterinarian also, but I just couldn't stand euthanizing a pet, and it's interesting 'cause when I first got out of school, I would actually just almost respond, you know, with a little bit of facetiousness of saying, gosh, I know I'm sure I'll be in therapy one day.

You know, and people would laugh and I would kind of joke, but it didn't really encompass what I really, truly felt about what I was doing, and so finally this one gentleman said to me one day, 'cause I was euthanizing a second pet for him in a matter of two months, and he looked at me and he said, what an honor you have to be here with us.

This is such a pleasure to share this moment with you again, and I looked at him and I'm like, yes, that's what this is to me.

It's an honor and I wouldn't be here if I didn't think that it was the absolute best thing that we could possibly be doing at this moment.

(scissors snipping) Okay, like that, and then if we can figure out a way, because look, it's not gonna stay right now, you know?

- Yes, now we have to do it.

- Look at that.

Look at that.

You can make some stick mens with this, right?

- Can I have some more, and some wires?

- Yeah.

You wanna do your homework too, honey?

It's gonna get late.

It's already 7:20.

The beam, can you do the beam?

What?

(indistinct television audio) I'll be right back.

- [Child] Don't you have to change?

- [Dani] What?

- [Child] Don't you have to change?

- [Dani] No, I did.

I put a little decent clothes on.

- Should we keep reading about the little bitty bear?

Cloud then sunk away over the horizon and left the sun to dry in the forest with a warm glow and smile.

The great eagle flew back into his castle in the sky, turned himself into a.

- Love you.

- A little.

- Okay.

- [Child] When you gonna be back, Mom?

- Maybe in an hour and a half.

- [Dad] The great eagle flew back into his castle in the sky, turned himself into a god once more.

- So even though we're going over for a hospice consultation, you never know what's gonna happen and sometimes we walk in and they're in much worse shape than we think.

So even if I don't think that we're gonna say goodbye, always have to be prepared 'cause it's the last thing you want to not be prepared for.

(compartments clicking) All right.

It is, my watch is dead now.

So it is 9: 40, 9:40 at night.

Okay.

Stretcher's in.

Okay.

That, that.

Okay, ready to go.

All right, we are gonna go about 15 minutes away.

It's, this is the principal of the kids' school that they used to go to and this gentleman and his family actually do some animal rescue work as well.

They're good people indeed.

There are things that you do in your life that make you happy.

There are things that you do in your life out of obligation.

There are things that you do because they make other people happy, and maybe that's wrapped into obligation and all that stuff, but then there are things that you do in your life that you know you're supposed to do, and I could never sit here and sit and say that that makes me happy to do that.

It just makes me feel on purpose.

I wanna feel like what I'm doing is meant to make the world a better place in the way that I can.

Honestly, I don't think that I would be a good leader if I didn't do it.

I don't think that I could lead a group of doctors that do this for a living without constantly, even if it's much less, you know, even if it's five or 10 times per month versus, you know, another doctor helping 80 to 100 families per month, I don't think that I'd be a good, as good of a leader as I could be if I didn't do it.

So my doctor bag is always in my car.

Okay.

All right.

(dog barking) - [John] Come on in.

- Hey guys, how are you?

Hi, how are you guys?

Good to see you.

(dog barking) Hey kiddo.

- [John] Yeah, and I just wanna make sure he's not suffering.

- Sure.

- [John] You know, that's the key thing here is just making sure I, 'cause I can't, I know they hide it.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

Let me listen to him, okay.

The way that I use it is that suffering to me is just the inability to do anything and the inability to physically think about anything other than the pain that they're in.

So even the fact that he didn't look up at me, he hasn't tried to sniff me.

I put the stethoscope on, he's only concerned about how it feels, not necessarily about what it's doing with him at all, and his, both his respiratory and breath, and heart rate are probably double what they should be.

His body is just shutting down.

You know, his body understands that there isn't really a future to eat or drink for, and there's just, I think just this inherent thing that happens in their body, whereas they just slowly shut down and this is the best thing I can tell you.

If he were mine, I would 100% say goodbye right now.

There's no doubt in my mind, and generally, you know, I want to feel you guys out and see if you need another night and that kind of thing.

There's, I would not let him.

- [John] Well, leaving it another night's not gonna change anything, so.

- [Dani] It's not gonna change anything.

- [Owner] It's a rotten day.

It's John's birthday, so.

- I'm sorry.

I'll give him two injections.

So the first one will be in the back area under the skin and it's a heavy sedative mixed with a heavy pain reliever.

Then when he's calm and comfortable, really I just want his breathing rate to be a little bit more, just relaxed.

Then I'll shave a little area, probably on his back leg.

Hopefully he's got some good enough blood pressure back there and if not, just on the front leg and then I'll give him a second injection.

- [John] Okay.

- [Dani] He's just a perfect old guy.

I'm sure he had a perfect life.

- [John] (incoherent) - [Dani] Yeah, it's incredible.

I mean, honestly, it's incredible.

- [John] Glad they caught it early.

- [Dani] Yeah, that's why he made it 'til, you know, almost 13 with it.

It's pretty good.

He has developed a pretty big murmur too, which those things can come up like that.

So I think his whole body's shutting down.

- How long will it take for his body to shut down?

His brains, then his lungs, then his muscles and his heart.

- [Dani] You're a very smart kid.

Soon as I give him the second injection and the other one's gonna go into a vein.

Have you ever had to give blood before?

- No.

- [Dani] No, that's good.

- But I, but they've had, yeah, right here, that's where they give my mom IVs and my dad.

- Yeah, so that's just like this.

I'm gonna give him one right here and as soon as I start giving him that medication, it's gonna be just a couple of seconds and he's just, you know, like when you go to sleep, he's just gonna go to sleep, but it's not a regular sleep.

This is the kind of sleep that he's not gonna wake up from.

He's not gonna feel this at all.

(John sniffling) - I love you.

I love you, buddy.

- How long will it take for him to shut down?

- He's already passed, baby.

- It's over.

I love you, Chancy.

- It's okay.

- [John] I love you, buddy.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, my friend.

Such a great dog.

(John sniffling) It's all right crying.

Oh baby.

- [Dani] Do you want me to give you a few minutes alone and we'll stand outside?

- [John] It's okay.

- [Dani] You sure?

(somber music) Euthanasia isn't just about stopping suffering that's occurring at that moment, but it's about preventing suffering from occurring at all.

(somber music) There are things that the loss of a pet represents, but that's what all these cases are about.

You know, it's always about simply doing the very best we can at that moment and relieving pain and suffering.

(somber music)