Growing Up Jewish

- Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Dylan Happy birthday to you [ Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling" plays ] -Dylan is leaving his childhood behind.

-Okay, cut the cake.

-Can I have a face?

-Yeah.

-As with many young teenagers, lots of things in life are about to change.

- I got a feeling -I'm going to choose my GCSEs, Arsenal might win the league, and I'm also really excited for my bar mitzvah, which is so close now.

- Tonight's the night, let's live it up -Talia is also preparing for the most important day of her life.

-Like, I really want a song that's, like, very energetic and cool.

- Let's kick it off Fill up my cup -What are you excited for?

- Mazel tov -The party.

-For budding writer Eve... -You are the world's most annoying child, and I'm giving you away.

-...her celebration is a chance to bring together the Jewish and non-Jewish sides of her family.

- Let's do it -Do all parties have the chair thing?

-Pretty much, yeah.

-I can't speak like this!

-You can speak like that.

-And for Ayala, the daughter of a senior rabbi, it's a chance for her family to settle in at their new synagogue.

-Yay.

- Here we come, here we go, we gotta rock -Four young people on the cusp of adulthood who, as Jews, have a specific ceremony to mark that transition... -It's only a once-in-life opportunity.

-...bat mitzvahs for Talia, Ayala, and Eve, and a bar mitzvah for Dylan.

- Tonight's gonna be a good night -It's a party to celebrate having survived 13 years.

-Just over a month from now, they'll all come of age in the eyes of their faith.

-When you're bar mitzvahed, you've become a man, and I feel I've changed and I'm more confident.

- A good, good night Whoo-hoo -Hm.

Look.

-Oh, wow.

That's cool.

That looks really good.

-Oh, wow.

-"Dani, Paul, and Myla would love to invite you to celebrate the bar mitzvah of Dylan.

Dress to party."

[ Chuckles ] Normally you have some kind of party, which is what I'm going to do.

But also, I have to do a religious service reading from the Torah.

And that's making me feel much more nervous because, uh, you're doing it in front of everyone you know.

Thank you.

-Dylan's come to his synagogue in North London for a rehearsal with his rabbi, Miriam.

-Let's get the Torah out of the ark, and this is actually going to be the scroll that you'll read from on the day.

So, um, we'll take it out and have a practice from it.

-Judaism's sacred text, the Torah, is the first five books of what Christians call the Old Testament.

Every week, the same section is read aloud in synagogues all around the world.

-We need to roll forward to your bit so -- -I can spot it.

-Reading from the Torah is a duty reserved for adults.

At his bar mitzvah, Dylan will do this for the very first time.

-So let's see what you can do.

-In front of them?

-Yeah.

-That's good.

-Let's just see what you can do.

-[ Singing in Hebrew ] You don't even just read Torah.

You have to sing Torah, which is even harder because you have to learn a specific melody.

-What's your singing voice like?

-Uh, I'm not attuned.

I don't -- I don't feel comfortable.

-What don't you feel comfortable about?

-Reading the Torah in front of your friends?

-And the singing.

-That's absolutely fine.

-So you've got a lovely voice.

[ Dylan and Dani chuckle ] -What?

Even Myla said before.

-Yeah, you actually do.

-Nobody's bought tickets.

This is not the West End.

Um, but what you don't want to do is, like, be awkward on the day.

So give yourself time to really get to the point that you want to get to, um, so that you will be really pleased with what you've done.

-Yeah.

I wouldn't describe myself as a confident person because I often doubt myself.

I was so nervous when I was doing the thing.

-You're really nervous?

-Yeah, actually.

-Were you actually proper nervous?

-Yeah, properly.

Like, actually properly.

-"Mitzvah" means commandment.

Becoming bar or bat mitzvah means becoming a son or daughter of the commandments and being responsible for following God's rules.

Bar mitzvah-style ceremonies for boys were first recorded around the sixth century, but the first bat mitzvah for a girl only happened in 1922.

-"Top Tips for Bat Mitzvah Mums and Dads."

-Come on, Pops.

Let's have a look.

-So I think that hat would look great on you for your B.M.

-I think that would be just, like, very slay.

-Yeah, it would be slay.

-I am Eve.

I love books, cats, sleep, spaghetti Bolognese, and sushi.

-What about your family?

-Eh.

-Eve has grown up in a secular family and had hardly ever set foot in a synagogue until last year.

-Evie.

-[ Chuckles ] -My mum is Jewish and then my dad is the most atheist person you will ever meet.

God could be yelling in his face and he would still not believe that he's real.

-She wants to connect with her Jewish heritage by having a bat mitzvah.

-My heart sank a bit because I thought, "It's so much work.

We're going to have to join a synagogue."

I kept on saying to her, "You sure you want to continue?

You sure you want to continue?"

and she kept saying, "Stop asking me that.

That's really, really irritating.

I've made up my mind."

And that was that.

-Oh.

-For many Jewish families, their child's coming of age is also a chance to celebrate.

Bar and bat mitzvah parties can range from a low-key dinner to being as lavish as a wedding.

Eve must decide what feels right for her mixed Jewish and non-Jewish family.

-What do you want the party to be like?

-I will be the center of attention, just like I always am.

-I don't really care as long as people don't get too stressed.

-I want it to be casual, relaxed, inclusive, open.

I want everybody to feel part of it.

Jewish or non-Jewish.

-And preferably no huge, great fights.

-No, and no tantrums.

-No tantrums.

-Okay.

-I promise not to tantrum.

-The synagogue Eve joined is part of one of the more liberal branches of Judaism, Reform.

Men and women worship together, and there's a more flexible approach to many Jewish laws and traditions.

Dylan's family recently joined the same synagogue as Eve, but his parents were both raised in Orthodox Judaism, where the laws and traditions of the faith are more strictly observed.

-The women are usually separated.

They'll be on a balcony.

-Yep.

-And from Friday, when Shabbat comes in, and then goes out on Saturday night, as you know, you can't use electricity, you can't drive, you can't turn lights on, you can't watch TV.

There's many, many rules, and people follow them, you know, to the book, whereas with your bar mitzvah and with the Reform movement, things can be more flexible.

-And I wanted to be near you, as near as I could be, 'cause I'm Daddy's equal, and, you know, we wanted to be next to each other as well, to -- to celebrate you.

Also, I think one of the beautiful things about Judaism, actually, is that there's just different levels.

So you, obviously, have your Orthodox and you have your Reform and you have everything in between.

And what's nice about it is that whatever your belief systems are, you know, you can follow that path and you do things exactly what align with your values.

-Embracing the flexibility of the Reform approach.

Dylan's family have some novel plans for his bar mitzvah.

-How does it make you feel, uh, the fact that you are doing something very alternative to a lot of the other bar mitzvahs that we've been to?

-It makes me feel quite nervous, but also, in a way, excited to show them how different it is.

-Hello.

-Do you want to sit with us?

- Where's your head a-at, a-a-a-a-at?

-Tah!

Whoa!

-Talia's family are orthodox, so her service will be very traditional.

But the party afterwards will mix tradition and modern vibes.

-Like, I really want a song that's, like, very energetic and cool.

- Where's your head a-at, a-a-a-a-at?

-Talia's parents have booked Elstree Studios for her bat mitzvah party.

They're meeting their deejay to go over the plans.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Alright.

- Where's your head at?

-Right, so what's going to happen is, I'll give you a cue when you're going to come in.

I'll start playing the music.

[ Europe's "The Final Countdown" plays ] Everybody, go wild.

It's Talia.

Come 'round here.

Everybody's on the dance floor.

And there'll be a little gap in here, right in the middle.

Here we go.

Yeah.

And then Israeli dancing.

We'll get you up on a chair.

All good?

I think she's got it.

I think she'll do that well.

-I do like parties because, like, they're fun, silly.

Also they're happy.

-And we've got some, um, quite observant guests, as well, haven't you?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-What do you mean, observant?

-Religious.

So we're going to put the mechitza back up.

-I'm going to show you guys where I think the mechitza should go.

So... -As Modern Orthodox Jews, Talias family lead daily lives that fit in with the modern world, but they also respect many Orthodox traditions, such as men and women being separated in the synagogue.

And for activities like dancing, this is done with a barrier called a mechitza.

-I think women would go on this side and men on this side, and they'll just be dancing separately.

-[ Chuckles ] So everybody will be joining in with that.

Then we're free to push the ceiling up for the rest of the night, am I right?

-Yes.

-But, you know, we've got to remember what this is all about.

I don't think it's necessarily all about Talia, you know?

-Harsh.

-I know it sounds a bit harsh, and it's -- of course, it's all because of you, but it's all about all of you, everybody who's been part of your life for 12 years.

You know, it's important, I think, to be able to celebrate having made it this far.

It's way more than just a party.

-Talia's first ever shoes.

-I have two brothers, one sister.

I am the youngest.

But soon I will not be the baby of the family anymore.

And I'm going to need to think about how to be an adult.

-"My God and God of my fathers, on this great and sacred day, I lift up my eyes to you and declare in sincerity and truth that my childhood has passed."

-Ayala is the eldest daughter of an Orthodox rabbi.

Like all bar and bat mitzvah children, she'll give a speech at her service.

But her father's position in the synagogue means for her.

There's added pressure to get everything just right.

-"But today, I freely enter your congregation."

-No, no, no, no, no.

Stop.

It's not loud enough.

-I can't go so loud.

-You can.

When I speak every Shabbat, does it not sound like I'm shouting?

-I can't speak like this!

-You can speak like that.

-No.

-You just did.

That's the correct way to speak.

-Yeah, but I can't do it for the whole thing.

-You can.

-'Course you can.

-I'm a bat mitzvah girl of a rabbi, so, in a way, it's good because he knows what it's like and what I have to do, what I have to know, but it's also a bit annoying because he wants me to do it really well.

"You may think it is much easier preparing a bat mitzvah speech when your father is a rabbi.

Unfortunately, in my case, the opposite is true.

Many of my ideas simply were not to my father's approval, but we finally agreed on the following."

-Louder.

-Ayala and her family joined this synagogue, or shul, two months ago when her father was appointed rabbi.

-I think my parents are very excited for my bat mitzvah, because it's the first family event that we're doing in our new shul, and also because I'm the oldest child, so there's never been any bar or bat mitzvahs in our family.

My parents expect me to be a good role model for my siblings so I can't be naughty.

Hip, hip, hooray!

But I'm not a goody-goody.

To me, the most important thing is being with my friends and just enjoying myself and having fun.

-Right.

Let's do some Jewishness.

-Okay.

-Dylan has come to synagogue to practice his public speaking in preparation for his big day.

Mentoring him is Simi, who had his bar mitzvah here three years ago.

-Pbht!

I don't think public speaking is easy.

It feels like your heart is pounding, your stomach is turning inside out, and even though you know it's going to be fine, like, you can't tell yourself that.

-I'm going to stand up.

I'm just going to go over here.

What's this, about two meters away, maybe?

Uh, so that'll be, like, the front row for the congregation.

-"Hi.

I'm Dylan, and welcome to my bar mitzvah ceremony."

-I'm going to go back one more step, and read it to me again.

And I want you to make sure that I can hear this clearer than I can hear my dad snoring at night.

-"Hi.

I'm Dylan, and welcome to my bar mitzvah ceremony."

-Miles better.

So much nicer.

So, "Hi.

I'm Dylan, and welcome to my bar mitzvah ceremony."

I felt like you were more excited when you said it like that.

That is exactly the kind of thing we want to be seeing.

-Are you going to come and have a practice from the scroll?

-Yeah.

-Let's really think about projection.

It's a noisy room.

There's lots of other people working.

-[ Singing in Hebrew ] -The portion of the Torah Dylan has been studying is from the Book of Exodus, and covers the parting of the Red Sea.

-The Israelites were once slaves controlled by a cruel man called Pharaoh, and with God's help, they escaped from Egypt and were free.

-[ Speaking Hebrew ] -Wow.

Very nice.

-Amazing.

Extraordinary.

Okay.

Feeling ready?

-Yeah.

-Okay.

-It's really helpful to work with someone like Simi, and it makes me feel more ready to share it with everyone I know.

[ Both speaking Hebrew ] -Eve's also here.

She's been coming to this bar and bat mitzvah preparation group for seven months, and it's been a steep learning curve.

-We joined the synagogue when I decided I wanted to have a bat mitzvah.

There was so many things I didn't know about.

There's so many things I still don't know about.

-Alright, what's that word?

-[ Speaks Hebrew ] -What did you say?

-[ Speaks Hebrew ] -No, you said "Torah."

-[ Chuckles ] -Okay, go again.

-One, I'm dyslexic, so, obviously, I'm going to find it harder to learn Hebrew, and, two, most other people knew a bit of Hebrew.

So they'd been going to synagogue for years, or they'd been going to a Jewish primary school or something like that, and I just didn't know it.

-The non-Jewish half of Eve's family will be coming to her bat mitzvah.

She's visiting her dad's parents to tell them what to expect.

-When I'm first learning a prayer, it is horrible.

So I enjoy it once I've learned it.

-You-- You've decided to do this process that we're talking about.

Why did you decide to do it, bearing in mind you don't have to?

Other people can still not go through this ceremony and still call themselves Jewish.

So why did you decide that you would do it?

-It is a bit like I'm connecting with my heritage.

I think it's quite a valuable experience, and I think that you learn a lot about yourself from it.

-You've been to the cemetery with me before.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, you have.

I used to take you in a buggy.

[ Chuckles ] -Were you brought up religious?

-Well, when we were very young and it was post-war, we were sent to a Roman Catholic convent.

I was quite naughty at school, as well, so the nuns were very, very difficult.

I kind of wanted to run away [chuckles] but I couldn't.

And so that -- that put me off, I think, for the rest of my existence after that.

I thought, you know, but -- but on the other hand, I'm really interested in people who genuinely are religious.

Where do you stand?

-I feel like I have the freedom to...

It's more like I have had a more open experience to it, whereas you had it, like, uh, forced down your throat.

So you had to do all these things.

And it's more -- I think when you have a choice, you're more open to something.

And I thought maybe when I'm older, if I hadn't tried it, I might regret it.

So I think I just wanted to have the opportunity to be able to figure out if it was something that I wanted to do.

-Well, that's that's quite enlightening, really, isn't it?

And, um, that's a very positive way to go about religion, giving yours-- giving yourself exposure to it and trying to find out how you really feel about it.

-Yeah.

-You can pull me up.

[ Grunts ] Do you feel Jewish?

-Yeah, I do.

-You do?

-I don't follow all the strict rules, but I do feel Jewish.

-If there is a blood spot in the egg, then it's not kosher, that egg, and we're going to have to get another egg for you.

-Talia is also enjoying finding out more about her religion.

-That's it.

Well done.

-I did it.

-Brilliant.

Does it have any red spots?

-It doesn't look like it.

You can check.

-Pour it in.

-Whoo.

-Well done.

-She's at a bat mitzvah class for mums and daughters.

-I have ruined this apron.

-They're learning how to make challah, a type of bread made by Jews since ancient times.

-Now, the challah bake is something really, really special because the mitzvah of taking challah is very, very specific to Jewish women.

-In addition to the Ten Commandments, the Torah is said to contain another 603 commandments, or mitzvahs, covering all aspects of daily life.

-What do you think?

Not bad.

-"A" for effort.

-Joint effort.

-One mitzvah says that whenever challah is baked, a small piece of the dough must be set aside.

-And we say [speaks Hebrew] [ All speak Hebrew ] Which means, "This is challah."

Now, this piece of dough, you don't eat.

-Not eating a piece of the dough symbolizes giving some of what you have to others, originally, the priests of the temple in Jerusalem.

-Let's say our own special prayer now, okay?

-So, technically, I'm entering adulthood, and stuff will be changing.

Like, I'll become more spiritual.

I want to be the sort of person who gives back.

-That was really special, wasn't it?

-Many young people undertake a special project for their bar or bat mitzvah to show their commitment to one of the commandments.

-We should think of something for your bat mitzvah that's about kindness and giving.

-That's a good idea, but why should it be?

[ Children singing in Hebrew ] -My parents would describe me as helpful, caring, and responsible.

Yay.

I'm like my mother's deputy at home.

-Say good night to daddy.

-Good night.

-Say, "Good night, Daddy."

-Bye.

-Good night.

-Once her sisters are in bed, Ayala can go through her bat mitzvah speech with her father.

-You can make it so dramatic on the day 'cause that really brings the story alive.

Yeah?

I think all rabbis' children have it difficult because they have an expectation, but she has really stepped up to the role.

Good work.

-And we love her to bits.

-It's sometimes a bit hard practicing 'cause I'm not sure what it's going to be like when I'm actually saying it.

-Ayala, when you're ready, our bat mitzvah girl is going to give a synopsis of the parashah, Parashah Beshalach.

-Shabbat Shalom.

I'm going to share with you a brief summary of this week's parashah, Parashah Beshalach.

-Excellent.

-In Orthodox Judaism, only men read from the Torah, so Ayala will give a commentary on the parashah, the weekly portion.

All four young people will talk about the same story from Exodus, because their celebrations are all happening within the same week.

In it, the Israelites are enslaved in Egypt, and God helps Moses -- Moshe in Hebrew -- to free them, but Pharaoh sends his army after them and they're trapped by the Red Sea.

-"As dawn arises, Moshe lifts his staff over the sea and...it splits into two and they all get to the other side.

But alas, when the Egyptians proceed to chase after them, the water crashes over them and they all drown.

This event is the focal point of the parashah, and my father will read it in a special tune reserved for this Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom.

[ Applause ] -Wow.

-Ayala, really, really good.

Really clear and articulate.

-[ Chuckles ] -It was really good.

Well done.

-The speech the children will give at their service is called their d'var Torah.

Dylan's been thinking carefully about his.

-So the story really troubles me.

In the story, the Egyptians all drown in the sea.

Even though they were out to get the Israelites, and they would have enslaved them if they caught them.

That really feels like a horrible thing to happen to them.

-Dylan's started writing his speech, but wants some help from Rabbi Miriam to get his ideas clear.

-Do you want to read?

-Why don't you read out?

[ Both chuckle ] -Uh, "Over the last few months, I've been learning 'Song of the Sea.'

This extract was a song the Israelites sang after they fled Egypt and escaped from the evil wrath of Pharaoh.

There was a sense of unity and togetherness when all the Israelites gathered around and sang together.

Despite all this, the English translation of it wasn't the inspiring virtue I hoped for."

[ Laughter ] "It was full of vengefulness as the Jews said thank you to God for bringing them freedom, but also thank you for destroying the Egyptians, which I don't believe is right."

Uh, yeah.

-Brilliant.

-Miriam showed me an ancient commentary to the story, which adds some detail.

It says when the Egyptians were drowning.

God's angels were watching, and they started celebrating with the people.

-God speaks to the angels saying, you know, "How dare you celebrate in this moment when my creatures are drowning?"

-Yeah.

-Right?

Both sides, both sets of people, they're both creations of God.

Why is God telling the angels off and not the Israelites, who were singing the song?

-Because the angels should only do good.

-Right, like, the angels are meant to be morally above people, right?

-Yeah.

-It's almost as if the Torah and the commentaries and God in lots of moments, accepts that humans are going to have their fallibilities, they're not going to be perfect.

and in this moment, there's a kind of an exception for human beings that is, you know, if you've been treated like slaves, if you've been persecuted, you're going to celebrate your freedom, even if that freedom is at the expense of somebody else.

But we should kind of be -- -You shouldn't be singing.

You shouldn't be singing about their harm.

-Right.

We should be aspiring to be more like the angels.

Okay, you think you can write that?

Yeah.

-You can write it up?

-Yeah.

-Brilliant.

Okay.

-Sounds good.

-Okay.

-I love his little face and his eyebrows when he's thinking.

He's got this most gorgeous thinking face, and you can really see, like, the cogs turning of, really, what he wants to try and tell us sometimes.

-He's sensitive, he's bright, he's kind, he's thoughtful, he's generous.

I just want him to be able to, you know, follow that through into adulthood.

-Absolutely, yes.

-Talia's also going to synagogue to practice her speech with her rabbi.

-I'm very slow at walking in these shoes.

-You'll have to get used to them, won't you?

[ Chuckles ] -Yeah.

The good things about growing up is doing things on your own.

You get to, like, spend your money on your own.

You don't have someone telling you, like, "You shouldn't do this.

You shouldn't do that."

-Hi, Rabbi.

-Hi.

-Hello.

Mazel tov.

Mazel tov.

-Thank you.

-We're going to do a little bit of a dry run, a bit of a practice for Shabbos.

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Okay, great.

-Talia now knows how she's going to mark her bat mitzvah inspired by the commandment, or mitzvah, that means the most to her.

-So mazel tov, Talia.

Very good.

We're so proud of you.

Please, will you come up and share your words with us?

-I will gladly do so.

[ Laughter ] Hello, everyone, and welcome to my bat mitzvah.

Why I think it is important to be generous to people is, like, if you can do something for others, then you should.

I enjoy volunteering with gifts, and we'll be having a gift-giving station at my bat mitzvah party, decorating Shabbat candlesticks to be -- to be used in hospitals as well as making necklaces to be given to children suffering serious illness.

I wouldn't be the proud Jewish woman I am with help -- without the help of my family and the encouragement to always be giving to others.

That's one of the reasons, in a few months, I will be donating my long hair to charity for people who have lost their hair.

Becoming bat mitzvah means I have a lot of responsibility to be someone my family and ancestors would be proud of.

Thanks for listening, and Shabbat Shalom.

-Wow.

Brilliant.

-She's always been a big hugger, hasn't she, just very affectionate, very loving, very caring.

-She's always, like, trying to think what she can do for others.

-I think she's quite intuitive.

If someone's not feeling great, then she's very kind of caring.

She's got a very sort of loving, caring streak.

-My cousin, um, she had cancer, so she didn't have any hair.

That's why I want to do this.

-Well, how long have you been growing your hair for?

-It was pretty much since birth.

You've only had, like, tiny cuts, haven't you?

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

-So that's a really big donation to me.

It's really amazing stuff.

Mazel tov.

Look forward to seeing you on Shabbos morning, and it's going to be very exciting.

-Hopefully, the speech will go well.

I just need to get it right on the day, push through it, and hope for the best.

But if worst comes to worst, just storm out of the room, go to the toilet, and cry.

-Eve has also been working on a special project for her bat mitzvah with help from her dad.

-I did a sponsored walk up the Yorkshire Three Peaks.

26 miles.

I raised enough to fund four latrines and changing facilities for the girls in a Ugandan school.

-It's a brilliant, brilliant example of a mitzvah project.

I absolutely love it.

-Eve's talking to one of the clergy at her synagogue, Cantor Zoe, about her speech.

She wants Zoe's advice on the best way to talk about her project.

-You could say, "What it means to be bat mitzvah is to take responsibility.

Here's how I've started to make a difference, and I, you know, encourage you all to look around and see where something needs to be done differently, and ask yourself, 'What could I do in this situation?'"

-Eve and her mum also want to discuss how best to include the non-Jewish side of the family in the service.

-Let's get Grandma to open the ark.

-Yes.

-Your dad's mum?

-This is her -- yeah, my mum, unfortunately, is not alive.

Maybe Grandma and Matt.

And her uncle.

-Okay.

-Yeah?

-My non-Jewish family, I want them to feel like they're part of it, not just awkward outsiders.

-Yeah.

-Most of them have not even gone into a synagogue.

I think they'll find it a bit weird.

-Yeah, I think they might find it a bit mysterious.

-Yeah.

-You know, I think they might find it mysterious, but I also think they're going to be completely blown away by what you're going to do.

But what it also sounds like is we need to make sure that we explain enough about what's going on so that they feel really included.

-Sarah, can I borrow your headphones?

-I do need to use them right now.

-Mummy, tell Sarah to give me a mitzvah.

-Sweetheart, she is doing you a mitzvah.

'cause she's doing your welcome packet for you.

-Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

-Say, "Thank you."

-Where are they, Sarah?

-I have no idea.

-Ayala and her family are making final preparations.

90 people are coming for dinner on Friday after the service.

The family are going to welcome them with gift bags.

-So we're going to do in them, like, a box of nuts, dried mango, and we're going to do chocolate bark.

Mummy, you're supposed to, first, do the square thing.

It looks very wrong.

-All that.

-That.

And then -- no.

-Ayala, are you a perfectionist?

-Yeah, super, super-duper perfectionist.

Shira, you're going to peel these things off.

They're so much fun.

-[ Groans ] All my friends are going to come, and I just can't stop thinking about it.

Thank you.

I wouldn't describe myself as an adult or a child.

Maybe somewhere in between.

-Mummy, these three, and then you don't need to do anymore.

-That's it?

We've got enough?

-Yeah.

-But it means a lot to me to make my parents proud.

- You've been acting awful tough lately Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately But inside, you're just a little baby It's okay to say you've got a weak spot You don't always have to be on top Better to be hated Than loved, loved, loved for what you're not -Shabbat, the Sabbath, begins at sunset today.

That's when Talia's and Ayala's celebrations will formally begin and when cameras must be switched off.

At Ayala's synagogue, the tables are being set for her 90-person dinner.

At home, guests have already started to arrive.

-Do you like these curls?

-Yeah, I love them.

-Come on.

Come on.

-Eve is looking forward to the main part of her bat mitzvah celebrations tomorrow.

-Are you nervous about anything?

-Not really.

-No?

-Not really.

I'm excited.

-What are you excited for?

-The party.

-A lot of the things that I've seen from you in this process, like, that you work hard and you've been dedicated and you've been serious about it and you've been resilient and that you've made friends and had your eyes open to new things, that these are all things that I want you to carry forward into your adulthood.

And I think, for me, that's been a really interesting part of this bat mitzvah process about those bits that you've learned.

Not so much the Torah reading or the Hebrew.

-Mm.

-For Orthodox Jews, Shabbat is strictly a day of rest.

No work can be done, and no electrical devices can be used, so everything has to be ready by sunset.

-You know what?

All the salads can go in, um, a separate bag in the fridge here, but just make sure they're all upright.

Yeah.

-Yeah, okay.

-Before Shabbos comes in, my mom and dad are usually rushing to get everything done before while I'm just, like, lying down on my phone, doing whatever.

On this Friday, there's, like, a lot more people, a lot more things to do.

Me stressing about my speech.

-Alright, Talia.

-Yes?

-So you've got about an hour until Shabbos comes in.

Which one of your new candlesticks do you want to light?

-One of Talia's new responsibilities as an Orthodox Jewish woman will be to light candles every Friday evening to welcome in Shabbat.

-I don't think I'm ready because I'm still technically a child.

I'm a kid but a Jewish woman.

I know it may be confusing, but that's why I put myself as in the checklist.

-We've got to get the urn ready.

Got to make sure that everyone is dressed and ready for shul.

-And there's quite a few bits to do, so -- [ Indistinct talking ] -Yeah, I think -- I think you might need to go.

-We'll see you after Shabbos.

Big -- Big day.

Party.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Do I take the mic off?

[ Indistinct conversations ] [ Men singing in native language ] -The sun is on its way down.

Ayala's moment is nearly here.

[ Camera shutter clicks ] Gorgeous.

And soon the cameras must be switched off.

[ Camera shutter clicks ] Her father is putting the final touches to his speech.

-"Ayala, you've been so excited for this special day.

It's now come.

And look around.

Look at all the people who have come to celebrate with you.

-Wait, wait, wait.

Smile.

-Okay, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls.

-"You're so loved by your family and all the different communities you've been so lucky to be part of.

How can you maintain being appreciated your entire life by so many people?

The answer, Ayala, is simple.

If you put in the work during life to be kind, caring, considerate, generous, thoughtful, and loving, you will feel throughout your life the way you're feeling now."

Okay, ladies, Ayala's going to say the...on behalf of everyone.

So make sure you have in mind to fulfill the mitzvah through Ayala.

-[ Speaking Hebrew ] -Amen.

-Amen.

-Okay, now, ladies, you can all light.

-Yes?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Yes.

Okay, once you've lit, ladies, you can go in.

We're going to start the service.

-The start of Shabbat is just moments away.

-Take my mic off.

You still got another two minutes, but take my stuff off.

-Electrical devices are being switched off, and all forms of work must stop.

-You got one minute left.

-With family, friends and synagogue community all ready, Ayala's special moment has finally arrived.

-I'm feeling excited and nervous, but also really ready.

-Remember that you're the father of the bat mitzvah, not the rabbi.

-[ Chuckling ] Okay.

-Turn this off?

-Yeah, switch off that.

-[ Speaks indistinctly ] -Yeah, welcome.

Thank you.

-Eve won't be going to synagogue for her bat mitzvah until tomorrow.

This evening, both Jewish and non-Jewish sides of her family are sitting down for dinner.

-Basically, we get to the party, and there'll be glitter tattoos and glitter face paint, stuff like that.

There'll be a photo booth.

There'll be two rooms.

There'll be a downstairs with tables for the adults, and there'll be an upstairs room, where, uh, we will dance.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, you lift me up on chairs.

-What?

-[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

-Oh, that's brilliant.

-Yeah.

-It doesn't really feel weird to me that I have Jewish and non-Jewish family 'cause it's just, like, kind of the way it's always been.

They're all just my family.

I'm glad we found a job for my grandma and my uncle, uh, opening the ark where the Torah's kept.

-You two, the two of you are opening.

-Opening it up?

-And two people are closing.

-And two are closing.

-Okay.

The ark -- there's -- -It's the big cupboard.

-The door, the big cupboard.

Yes, but I thought the ark was a boat.

[ Indistinct talking ] The Ark of the Covenant.

No?

-No, no, this is just called the ark.

All you need to do is open the door.

-The dinner is a chance to talk about more than just the party.

-The conflict currently between Israel and, well, Hamas, et cetera, that must be very divisive within the Jewish community.

Oh, yes.

-The land of Israel is repeatedly referred to in the Torah, and most Jews feel strongly about it.

-So in this process that Eve's gone through, there was a bit about Israel, and this happened before the current war.

You sat in the... and people had to say, like -- me and then Israel and then a line and then write your relationship with.

And so some people write, you know, "I've been on holiday to," or, "My family was saved by," and people wrote, "I find it incredibly difficult," or, "I'm very angry about," or something like that.

-So if you get a group of Jewish people together, there'll be an enormous range in opinion because you all have different feelings.

And, um...yeah.

It's a very difficult situation.

[ Hair clippers buzzing ] -How are you, boy?

-Good, thanks.

-The day of Dylan's bar mitzvah is finally here today.

-Today, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Wow.

Let me see your hands.

Are you shaking?

-Uh... -No.

You're alright.

Well done.

-My heart's pumping.

-[ Chuckles ] -Dylan has to wait until the afternoon for his bar mitzvah.

In a break with tradition, his service won't take place in the synagogue but at his party venue.

Eve is going to synagogue for her service.

She has just an hour to go.

-Thank you.

-I'm looking forward to it.

It's going to be great.

I hope I don't, um, drop the Torah.

That would not be good.

-But for others in the family, the pressure is beginning to tell.

-The practice the week before didn't go well.

Cantor said to her, "Eve, you have one of the 10% of longest portions.

It's really long.

I think you should cut the second half."

And Eve said, "No, you have to give me a chance.

I'm going to do it.

I've learned all this.

I'm going to do it."

-Morning.

-Like in an Orthodox synagogue, most electrical devices aren't allowed to be used during Shabbat, though to be as accessible as possible, services are live-streamed, so anyone who can't come in person can still join in online.

- Hallelujah -Through the synagogue's webcams, we're still able to witness Eve's big moment.

- Hallelujah Hallelu-u-u -[ Speaking Hebrew ] [ All speaking Hebrew ] The best thing about having a bat mitzvah, I guess, is, like, the sense of accomplishment when you actually, like, finish it.

-Eve, like Moses, you accessed your Jewish identity yourself.

You really did choose to celebrate becoming bat mitzvah.

We are so delighted and know that our community will always be stronger for being able to count you among us.

-I think it went really well.

Now it's the fun bit -- food, dancing, par-tay.

-The venue is nearly ready for Dylan's big party, but before celebrations can kick off, he's got to get through the religious service and his speech.

In a big break with tradition, Dylan's service is happening here using a Torah that Rabbi Miriam has brought over specially.

-Oh, my God, it's one of these sprinkles.

-Ladies and gentlemen, we ask now for your very kind attention, as the ceremony is about to begin.

-I need to ask you something.

-Yeah.

Go on.

-Do I have to?

-Huh?

-Do I have to?

-No.

Okay?

Okay?

Alright?

-Hi, I'm Dylan.

[ Cheers and applause ] And welcome to my bar mitzvah ceremony.

This is my d'var Torah, which I spent time preparing to share with you today.

This extract was a song the Israelites sang after they fled Egypt and escaped from the evil wrath of Pharaoh.

Unfortunately, a vast majority of the song portrays an element of vengefulness to Egyptians.

In human nature, it's normal to feel vengeful and be angry towards someone or a group of people if it's for a legitimate reason, but you should never wish someone harm.

Even better than that, if someone causes you harm, God wouldn't want you to stoop down to their level.

In Jewish religion, we show that we respect the Egyptian lives lost to this day.

On seder night, you take a drop of wine on the name of each plague and dab it onto a tissue.

We deprive ourselves of the wine to show that we feel grief for the lives lost.

We must also remember that there is sadness in the world.

Linking to this point, I would, uh, like to address the unfortunate war between Israel and Gaza.

It's a tragedy how many lives have been lost in this saddening conflict, including Nikki, my godmother, who lost her niece and nephew, Yannai and Liel.

As Yannai was due to have his bar mitzvah this year, I'm honored to be able to dedicate this portion of my d'var Torah to him... [ Audience "awws" ] ...which inspired me to never take my loved ones for granted, and I hope they'll always be with me as I navigate through my life.

I'd like to end my d'var Torah with an important quote by civil rights activist Maya Angelou.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

As I enter into adult life, may I always be mindful of how I make others feel.

Now I'll begin with reading Exodus 14:29.

[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you.

I thought, "Oh, my God, this is a little slow," but towards the end, got into a rhythm, uh, and, yeah, it was good.

-Do you feel any more grown-up?

-Yeah, a bit.

-When you're bar mitzvahed, you've become a man, and I feel I've changed and I'm more confident.

-Now that Shabbat is over, the celebrations can begin and cameras can be switched back on with all four young people.

-Here she comes.

It's Talia.

- It's the final countdown [ Cheers and applause ] -The party of Talia's dreams is underway.

- Final countdown [ People chanting, "Talia!"

] -Lovely to see you.

-Nice to see you.

Thanks for coming.

-Oh, it's lovely to be here.

-Eve's friends and family are ready to party to mark her coming of age.

-Here.

-Well done, Ayala, for the speech.

-Ayala and her family are gathered for Havdalah, a ceremony that brings Shabbat to a close and welcomes in a new week, the first week of Ayala's life as a religious woman.

-Being Jewish is like a chain that goes back thousands and thousands of years, and I'm the link at the end of it that's going to carry it on and pass it to my children.

The most important qualities for an adult is to be understanding and loving... and...fun.

-[ Shouts indistinctly ] -The most important qualities for an adult would be, generous to other people and also approachable.

You want to be looked at as a friend who you can always ask something for.

I think that's a really important quality.

[ Cheers and applause ] -Whoo-hoo!

-I want to go down!

Aah!

I want to grow into a kind, loving, generous adult who cares a lot for their children but doesn't make them spoiled, as in saying yes to everything.

I want to make people feel very happy and, like, warm and loved.

-We don't get to celebrate life every day, but we are blessed to be with family and friends on a day like today.

[ Cheers and applause ] -I believe that Judaism is also a culture and not just a religion, and it's been a good opportunity to explore what that means.

It's just, like, kind of who I am, I guess.