Groundbreakers

- We're talking more about mental health these days, and I feel like a big thing that comes up a lot is human before athlete.

What does that mean to you?

- It means that we have to consider the person, the health of the person.

And in many cases in the past, it's been the performance of the person, and we've negated how they feel.

Are they happy, are they sad?

You know, you can see an injury, we can see a broken bone and go, "Oh my gosh, they're hurt."

But, you know, there's overt and covert.

- [Chloe] Mm-hmm.

- And sometimes people are damaged inside.

I was damaged internally.

Some of your childhood, you might've been damaged, and how we then were able to respond to it.

But pre-hab is a heck of a lot better than rehab.

- Yeah.

- That wasn't that long ago, that it was almost really taboo to say, we feel bad.

Maybe we're having some mental health issues, maybe anxiety.

I didn't know I had that, because back in the '60s and '70s, you didn't talk about that.

- Mm-mm.

- But I was always angry.

I was mad, I was always getting in fist fights.

I was mad because people were demeaning me, saying, "She's stupid, she's dumb.

She's never gonna make anything of herself.

What's this little, redheaded, little Jewish girl doing playing in the school yard?"

It was a balancing act, 'cause my grandma used to say to me, "Walk like a girl, your shoulders back," you know.

(Chloe chuckles) And then the kids on the court would say, "Act like a boy."

And I was so conflicted.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- Like my shoulders are rounded, you know, I kinda had that, you know, toughness to me.

I'd walk in and my grandma would say, "Act like a girl."

Okay, "What should I do, oh?"

And it's like, when people tell your mother, "What's wrong with your daughter?

Maybe you should take her to a psychologist."

You're like, I mean, are you kidding me?

I'm not robbing people.

I'm not carjacking people.

I'm not in a gang.

I'm playing sports.

But I look back and I think my anger was another way of expressing mental health, disappointment in other people.

And then, I think it's even more difficult for you, in this time, because the media is so enormous, and the spotlight, it's like you can't get away from it with social to normal media.

- [Chloe] Yeah.

- And you're trying to change not only women's sports, but like you said, the responsibility to the Asian American community.

- Well, firstly, I can't even imagine.

I would be really angry, too, if I were in your position, like, basically being told to be someone that you're not from relatives and then from like, people, you know, people you're playing sports with.

Like, that's very frustrating.

And I think I've had the luxury of being able to be myself and be able to express myself freely, regardless of what others may think.

And that took a while for me to get to that point.

For a really long time, I tried so hard to be perfect and to be this, you know, person that I wasn't, because I thought that that would appease to the media and to the people.

I was trying to gain validation from strangers.

And that was my self-worth for a really long time.

- I didn't have to deal with social media.

I got on Instagram when I was 59.

- Oh my gosh.

(both laughing) - Fast forward to being the second woman coaching in the NBA.

I had already had, like, a Hall of Fame career.

I had, over decades, shown the capabilities and the stick-to-it-iveness of my life and career.

And there were dudes on social going, "Why would they hire a woman?"

What do you mean?

- What do you mean?

- You are gonna sit there and insult me for my decades of, of service to this sport?

You know, I mean, they can hire me, or they can fire me if I don't do my job.

You know, Billie says that pressure is privilege.

- It is a privilege.

- (Chloe) Mm-hmm.

- But it comes with, damn, it comes with a lot of responsibility if we're not on our A-game.

What did you do to overcome it?

(gentle music) - Well, I think for me, it was us being from completely different generations in a way that opened up a lot of doors for me.

You know, women like yourself who have really paved the way for young, up-and-coming female athletes, kind of showing us, you know, the way, and wrong from right, and things that we could be doing to be better.

You, you know, you all kind of went through the biggest struggles for us, and w-- we had the privilege to learn from, from everything that you've been able to accomplish, you know?

And so, I think for me... how I learned to love myself was, I don't know, to not just, like, care so much about accomplishments, medals, winning, whatever it may be.

Because that was how I... valued myself.

It was based on what I accomplished, and, and all the cool things that I did.

And if I wasn't winning, and if I wasn't doing well, then I hated myself, you know?

And that's the most toxic way to look at things.

But for the longest time, I was just Chloe Kim, the snowboarder.

I didn't care so much about me.

You know, the L.A. girl that sits at home all day and loves watching Netflix.

It was never that, and I never gave that Chloe any time of day.

It was all about snowboarding.

It was an obsession.

And it was my sole identity for the longest time.

And so, when I wasn't performing as a snowboarder, I saw myself as the most worthless thing.

Right?

And that's so terrible to look at.

But that, again, is how I was viewed.

Any conversation surrounding me was always about snowboarding.

So I thought that that was the only thing that was important, and the only thing that mattered.

And so I neglected myself, my mental health, for the longest time.

If I was having a bad day, whatever, if I wasn't performing well on the mountains, I would cry myself to sleep.

And then I realized recently that that was so terrible.

I was my own worst enemy, thinking like that, and treating myself that way.

So I got into therapy, um, started talking to a professional, and you know, she-- first thing she said was like, "You're very broken and you're fantastic.

You're a phenomenal athlete."

You know, "You can turn it on.

You're intelligent, you're all these things, but you don't love yourself and that shows."

You know, it was a mind switch.

I just had to flip a switch and approach life differently.

And that allowed me to love myself 'cause I finally gave myself the time.

- Some people can, but some people can't flip that.

So that's again, a great tribute to you, that you were open-minded to getting better, stronger, finding out the organic you.

Because it's funny sitting across from you, our stories, our roads are different, but they lead to the same place.

When I stopped chasing titles, and when I stopped chasing status, I was winning.

- [Chloe] Mm-hmm.

- I was winning in life.