Comedy Bootcamp: The Documentary

ANNOUNCER

WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING TAKES A LOT OF GUTS. I KNOW YOU ARE NERVOUS, BUT THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE HERE FOR! THIS IS THE PAYOFF FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK. NOW, GET OUT THERE AND MAKE THEM LAUGH!

CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY CAPTION ASSOCIATES, LLC WWW.CAPTIONASSOCIATES.COM. YEAH! GET THEM TO LAUGH ON THE FIRST OR THE SECOND JOKE? I CAN JUST TAKE THAT MOMENTUM, AND KEEP ON GOING WITH IT.

IT'S A HUGE VENUE. MY DREAMS WERE THROUGH THE ROOF. I WAS WAY MORE NERVOUS THAN I HAD EVER BEEN. I AM JUST IN PURE PANIC MODE RIGHT NOW.

WHAT HAPPENS, I GUESS UP ON STAGE, I JUST GO COMPLETELY BLANK? ANY TIME. FORWARD, MARCH! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ COMEDY BOOT CAMP, YEAH YEAH, COMBY BOOT CAMP COMEDY BOOT CAMP, YEAH YEAH.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ YOU PEOPLE GET READY TO LAUGH! LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY, THAT'S WHERE I'M FROM, BORN AND RAISED. YOU HAVE TO HAVE HUMOR JUST TO FORGET ABOUT POVERTY. LOOK WHAT I SAID!

ONE TIME I HAD THIS MOM COME TO ME WITH HER FIVE-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER AND SHE SAID MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. AND I WAS LIKE OH, THAT'S SO CUTE! SO YOU WANT TO BE A SOLDIER WHEN YOU GROW UP? AND SHE WENT NO, I DON'T WANT TO GET KILLED!

I'M LIKE THAT'S SMART. I WISH I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT!

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

THERE'S ONE THING THAT I REALLY WANT TO GET UP FRONT AT THE VERY BEGINNING TO ALL MY STUDENTS, YOU WILL FIND OUT SO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF, JUST LEARNING COMEDY. YOU GUYS HAVE A WEALTH OF EXPERIENCES, MORE THAN JUST THE AVERAGE CITIZEN, IN MY OPINION, AND I APPLAUD FOR YOU YOUR SERVICE. WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO RIGHT NOW IS WE'RE GOING TO GO OVER THE BASIC INSTRUCTIONS OF A JOKE. COMEDY BOOT CAMP IS AN EIGHT WEEK STAND-UP COURSE FOR MEMBERS OF THE MILITARY COMMUNITY.

WE OFFER IT FREE OF CHARGE, CONSTRUCT INSTRUCTED BY PROFESSIONAL COMEDIANS AND WITH THE SUPPORT OF STUDENT VOLUNTEERS WE GIVE VETERANS AND SERVICE MEMBERS A CHANCE TO LEARN THE CRAFT OF STAND-UP, WHICH ULTIMATELY CULMINATES IN A PUBLIC GRADUATION SHOW. WE WANT TO GET A QUICK EXAMPLE OF WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE. WE WANT TO DO A SET-UP, PUNCHLINE, TAG LINE. IT TAKES PROBABLY SEVERAL HUNDRED TO 1000 TIMES FOR YOU TO BE ON STAGE FOR YOU TO EVEN BEGIN TO SCRATCH THE SURFACE OF WHO YOU ARE AS A COM IM.

IT'S NOT GOING ABOUT SEEING THEM TO GO ON TO BE PROFESSIONAL. IT'S SEEING THEM COME OUT THERE ON THEIR SHOW. I'M GOING TO DRAW THE FIRST NAME WILL BE MIKE.

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

MY NAME IS MIKE LAKE. I WAS IN THE COAST GUARD, JUST SHY OF 16 YEARS, THEN THEY KICKED ME OUT FOR MEDICAL REASONS. TRIED THE CORPORATE ROUTE FOR A LITTLE WHILE AFTER I GOT OUT, AND ULTIMATELY, ENDED UP WORKING IN A DAY CARE IN OUR HOME THAT MY WIFE AND I HAD. A LOT OF SIMILARITIES WITH THE CORPORATE WORLD, JUST DON'T GET PEOPLE WITH POOPY PANTS.

YOU STILL HAVE TO SPOOT-FEED PEOPLE. COMMUTE IS A LOT BETTER, THOUGH! I GREW UP IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN. MY FAMILY IT SEEMS LIKE THEY WERE ALWAYS LAUGHING AT ME.

I DON'T KNOW IF I WAS BECAUSE I WAS FUNNY OR THEY WERE OR IF THEY WERE LAUGHING AT ME, BUT I TRIED TO BE FUNNY. HELLY, I'M DARLENE FOSTER-DAVIS, AND I AM A VETERAN FROM THE AIR FORCE. I SERVED 28 YEARS. WE ARE NOT TEACHING PEOPLE TO BE FUNNY.

I'M JIM. WHAT WE TEACH IS THE CRAFT OF STAND-UP, HOW TO TAKE ONE'S INHERENT FUNNINESS AND TRANSLATE THAT IN A STAND-UP WAY. SO MY NAME IS MAE BRADEN, I AM THE ONE CIVILIAN, MY WHOLE LIFE, I'M A SPOUSE. BEING A MILITARY SPOUSE IS NOT THE EASIEST RELATIONSHIP TO BE IN.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE YOUR SOLDIER, AIRMAN, SAILOR, THERE FOR A LONG TIME. DURING THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, I HAVE BEEN IN LAW SCHOOL. THAT'S WHAT'S BEEN KEEPING ME BUSY. I JUST FINISHED, AND INSTEAD OF GETTING A REAL JOB, I AM WANTING TO DO SOME COMEDY.

MY NAME IS SUSAN HOLLER, I AM EXCITED TO BE HERE. EVERYBODY WENT UP AND STARTED TRYING TO RUN OFF A ROUTINE. I KIND OF GOT A KICK OUT OF IT. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

YES! LIKE YEAH, I'M IN COMEDY BOOT CAMP AND HERE'S WHY, BECAUSE I AM FUNNY! ALL RIGHT, WILLIAM? PROBABLY WE ALL OVERSTRETCH JUST A HAIR.

DOES ANYBODY IN HERE WORK FOR THE V.A. DISABILITIES? NO, OKAY? GOT TO KEEP MY PERCENTAGE UP!

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST A COUNTRY BOY FROM KENTUCKY. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. THANK YOU FOR THE FIGURE SEGMENT. FIRST FOUR WEEKS WHEN I'M WITH YOU GUYS, I'M GOING TO TRY TO HELP YOU EXTRACT AS MUCH MATERIAL AS YOU CAN TO START BUILDING A SET FOR A GRADUATION SHOW.

YOU GOT TO KIND OF START THINKING IN COMEDY, 24 HOURS. SET A TIME TOWARDS THE END OF THE WEEK TO WRITE BUT WHEN YOU SIT DOWN, MAKE SURE YOU ALREADY HAVE SOMETHING TO BEGIN WITH. YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF A BLANK PCE OF PAPER AND FORCE YOURSELF TO WRITE, IT WON'T COME. YOU GOT TO THINK OF THIS STUFF.

IT'S HILARIOUS ALREADY, SO I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE WE ARE AT SEVEN WEEKS. GOOD JOB, FIRST! YOURS FIRST TAKE. YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE IN THE MILITARY, TRYING TO DO ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, BUT WHEN YOU GET OUT, IT'S LIKE WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS OUT FROM THAT UMBRELLA NOW?

WHERE WERE YOU DEPLOYED? KUWAIT, IRAQ, AFGHANISTAN. HOW MANY TOURS OF DUTY? THREE.

THREE TOURS OF DUTY. UH-HUH. MY PTSD STEMS FROM SEEING HORRIFIC THINGS, AND JUST THE PRESSURES OF BEING DEPLOYED AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. YOU HAD MENTIONED AN EXPERIENCE THAT YOU HAD WITH ONE OF THE GUARDS.

CAN YOU TELL ME SOME MORE ABOUT THAT? IT WAS IN KARSHI-KHANABAD, GETTING OFF OF A 12-HOUR SHIP AND THE SOLDIER MANNING THE GUARD STATION, HE TOOK HIS M15 AND BLEW HIS OWN HEAD OFF. SO HE SHOT HIMSELF WHEN YOU WERE ENTERING THE AREA? UH-HUH.

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT, THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE A HIGH SUICIDE RATE AMONGST PEOPLE WITH POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. YOU HAD MENTIONED A NUMBER OF SUICIDES. UH-HUH. HOW MANY PEOPLE COMMITTED SUICIDE?

FOUR OF MY FRIENDS. FOUR OF YOUR FRIENDS. YEAH. DO YOU RECALL HOW YOU REACTED, HOW DID YOU FEEL?

VERY, VERY DISTRAUGHT. I FEEL LIKE THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH THEM. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DIE, TOO? YES.

HOW CAN YOU RECONCILE THAT? I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN ACTUALLY RECONCILE. I LAUGH A LOT, TALK ALL TAKE ALL KIND OF MEDS BUT FOR OTHER PEOPLE, THEY DON'T KNOW THAT INSIDE MY INNER SELF IS GOING THROUGH ARMAGEDDON. IN THE SPRING OF 2007, I WAS HAVING A LOT OF BACK PAIN, I WENT IN, THE DOCTOR WAS LIKE YEAH, WE FOUND A COMPRESSION FRACTURE AT L2, SO DID THE MILITARY THING, GAVE ME A MOTRIN, THEN STRONGER PAINKILLERS FOR THE SUMMER.

I KIND OF GOT THE DIAGNOSIS OF ANKYLOSING SPONDYLITIS. COMING TO TERMS WITH THAT WAS NOT EASY. BUT JUST SEEMED LIKE THERE WAS A HUGE LIS OF THINGS THAT I COULDN'T DO. THEN OVER TIME, I STARTED LOOKING FOR THINGS THAT I COULD DO.

AND THAT'S WHERE I FOUND OUT ABOUT FLD HOCKEY. WE'RE GOING TO WORK ON SKILL, SKATING, SHOOTING. MIKE, WE ARE GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE MIDDLE HERE. I WANT YOU TO WORK ANGLES COMING OUT, WORKING SLIDING SIDE TO SIDE.

WE'RE GOING TO BRING IT ALL BACK TOGETHER, OKAY? LET'S GO, GUYS. ONE THING ABOUT BEING A GOALIE IS ONCE YOU GET SCORED ON, VERY EASY TO GET FOCUSED IN ON THAT MOMENT AND FORGET ABOUT THE NEXT UPCOMING TIME. SKATE, SKATE, SKATE!

KIND OF LIKE A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE, WHERE YOU KNOW, THERE'S A SETBACK, THEN YOU CAN EITHER WALLOW IN IT OR SHAKE IT OFF AND BUMP FORWARD. WHAT'S THE DEMOGRAPHIC IN THE CLASS LIKE MILITARY WISE? IT'S MOSTLY ARMY AIR FORCE. THERE'S ONE PERSON IN THE COAST GUARD, THEN I'M THE ONLY SPOUSE.

SO REALLY? YEAH. YEAH. MADE ME NERVOUS AT FIRST, BECAUSE I WAS LIKE OH MAN, AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'M OUTSIDE THEIR EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, I DEFINITELY AM. LIKE I CAN'T RUN A SHIP, I DON'T KNOW. YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOUR LIFE. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD EVER DATED ANYONE IN THE MILITARY, I GUESS I DIDN'T KNOW TOTALLY WHAT I WAS IN FOR.

HE WAS JUST SUCH A NICE GUY THAT I COULDN'T IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT HIM, NO MATTER WHAT HE DID. SO LIKE WHO DO YOU PRACTICE ON? WHEN I'M WORKING, I GUESS, DURING THE DAY? ELSIE AND I HAVE GOOD TIMES.

YOU SIT HER DOWN AND SAY PAY ATTENTION? SHE SAID MOMMY FUNNY! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU PROMPTED HER TO SAY THAT. BUT YEAH, I GOT A STAND.

DOES THAT HAVE YOU WORRIED ABOUT ANYTHING. LIKE OH, ARE YOU IN THERE? YOU ARE DEFINITELY IN THERE, YEAH. I THINK IT'S FUNNY THAT MAYBE AT TIMES I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN MODERATE IN MY LEVELS, I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, YEAH. THINK ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT I'VE BEEN FROM WHEN WE FIRST MET, UNTIL NOW. I THINK OF HOW FAR I'VE COME IN MY MARRIAGE TO DOUG. BEFORE I MET HIM, I WAS NOT A NICE PERSON.

I WAS A MESS. AND HE HAS BEEN SO ACCEPTING OF ME, AND IT'S REALLY HELPED ME TO ACCEPT MYSELF. AND NOW I FEEL SO MUCH BRAVER. LIKE I COULD GO AHEAD AND MAKE THE STATEMENT.

AND THAT'S A GREAT FEELING. I DON'T KNOW, I'M A GLUTTON FOR IMPAIRMENT, I GUESS. SORRY FOR DRAGGING YOU INTO THIS! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT HOW IS IT GOING?

HEY! GREAT. WHEN YOU SAT DOWN TO WRITE, WAS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU HAD QUESTIONS ABOUT? HOW IS THIS THAT YOU CAN GET TO THE MEAT OF THE JOKE WITHOUT, YOU KNOW, HOW YOU ARE BUILDING UP?

BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF DIFFICULT FOR ME. ONE THING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO WITH COMEDY IS YOU DON'T WANT TO COMPLICATE IT. GO FROM YOUR HEART. ESPECIALLY RIGHT WHEN YOU ARE FIRST STARTING DOING COMEDY, IF YOU THINK SOMETHING IS FUNNY, IF YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY HERE OR THERE, GET TO IT AT YOUR OWN PACE, AND THEN BY THE SECOND OR THIRD WEEK, YOU'LL START TO GET A GENERAL IDEA OF HOW TO GET IT FUNNY, QUICKER.

THERE'S ACTUALLY A TIME IN OUR LIVES WHEN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY ARE MUCH THE SAME. AND IT'S NOT WHEN YOU THINK. A YOUNG LADY WHEN SHE IS PREGNANT IS MOST LIKE HER MIDDLE-AGED FATHER, OKAY? WE BOTH HAVE GROWING ABDOMENS, WE BOTH HAVE GROWING BOOBS, WE BOTH HAVE TO PEE A LOT, SO WE ARE QUITE ALIKE.

WE ARE JAGGING BACK AND FORTH, THROUGH THE PARKING LOT, AND I'M THINKING I'M GOING TO JUMP OUT. OH, HELP ME! HELP ME! WHEN I WAS IN BASIC TRAINING, THE DRILL SARGEANT SAID COME ON, PRIVATE, GET OVER HERE, AND HE SAID YOU THINK YOU ARE HIGH SPEED, AND I SAID DRILL SARGENT, I'M HIGH SPEED AND HE SAID LOOK, HIGH SPEED, GO OVER THERE AND BEAT YOUR FACE.

ME TAKING ORDER? I DID WHAT HE TOLD ME TO DO. I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. I WENT OVER THERE, I SAID GOD, GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN?

SO AS YOU CAN SEE, BY THE LOOK OF MY FACE, I'VE BEEN BEATING MY FACE FOR 21 YEARS. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ WELL, I DUG MY KEYS INTO THE SIDE OF HIS SOUPED UP FOUR-WHEEL-DRIVE, ♪ ♪ CARVED MY NAME IS HIS LEATHER SEAT. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ OKAY, THAT WAS FUN. MS.

UNDERWOOD CLAIMS THAT HER DESTRUCTION OF PERSONAL PROPERTY IS JUSTIFIED BASED UPON THIS MAN'S INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, YET THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANY CHEATING LISTED IN THE SONG AT ANY POINT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY, SWEETHEART, WHO USED TO LET JESUS DRIVE FOR HER IN HAZARDOUS ROAD CONDITIONS.

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

NOW, THE CARRIE UNDERWOOD THING, IT CAN BE VERY FUNNY, BUT YOU GOT TO IDENTIFY CARRIE UNDERWOOD UP FRONT FIRST. I DON'T KNOW CARRIE UNDERWOOD AT FIRST BUT I WANTED TO BE THERE WITH YOU, SO I WANTED TO GET YOUR JOKE. YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK IT TO GIVE THEM SOME CONFIDENCE. GOOD JOB!

OBVIOUSLY, I HAVE SOME LIMITATIONS WITH MOVING AROUND AND WHAT NOT AND IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND THAT. THEY ARE EITHER RUNNING IN FRONT OF ME, OPENING DOORS, WHATEVER, AND I DO APPRECIATE THAT, OR JUMPING AWAY LIKE I'M WEARING A BOMB VEST. EVERYTHING YOU GOT RIGHT THERE, I WOULD SAY THAT'S A GOOD WAY TO START OFF YOUR GRAD SET. YOU LEARN FROM THE GOOD AND THE BAD.

THE ONLY WAY YOU ARE GOING TO DEVELOP IS STAYING WITH IT. HOW IS IT GOING? I WAS GOING TO MEET ONE MY OLD COMMANDER, ARMANDO CARPENTER. HIS WIFE, ISAURA, SHE WENT THROUGH THIS CLASS, AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS THE ONE THAT CALLED ME TO GO TO THIS CLASS.

I WAS A CARGO FRESHMAN WHEN THE EARLY WAS GEARING UP TO FIGHT A WAR. WE PRETTY MUCH WERE THE FIRST ONE ON THE GROUND. HOW HAS THE BOOT CAMP BEEN GOING? I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR YOU, MAN.

IT WAS GOOD TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO SOMEBODY THAT WAS IN THE UNIT, HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES, BECAUSE WE AS WELL, HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THAT TRANSITION OUT OF THE MILITARY. THE ARMY BECAME MY SECURITY BLANKET. I KNOW THAT. THAT WAS MY SECURITY BLANKET.

AND WHEN IT WAS RIPPED OUT, IT WAS A LITTLE TOUGH. TO ME, IT WAS VERY LONELY. SO I THINK I GOT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS, AND IT GETS YOU OUT OF THAT MINDSET THAT YOU ARE IN BEFORE. I'VE NOTICED THAT, LIKE YOU IT WAS LIKE GO SEE MY WIFE THERE, GO SEE MY WIFE THERE, AND HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH ANXIETY?

AND I KNOW THAT'S THE PART OF YOUR DISABILITY, WHICH IT'S A PART OF MINE, TOO. PEOPLE SEE ME AS A LITTLE THEY HAVEN'T SEEN IT, THEY CAN'T BELIEVE IT, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT I CHOOSE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW. I WAS THIS BITTER PERSON AND I WANTED TO BE TOUGH, I NEEDED TO BE éLING AT PEOPLE AND SHOW HOW MEAN I CAN BE, WHEN THAT'S NOT ME, THAT'S NOT WHAT I AM. TO ME, YOU'RE A GREAT COMEDIAN AND I HOPE TO LEARN A LOT FROM YOU IN THE FUTURE.

SO KEEP ME TIGHT AND GIVE ME SOME TIPS NOW AND AGAIN IF YOU DON'T MIND. THERE IT GOES! I WAS LIKE FOUR WHEN THERE WAS LIKE A CHILDREN'S STORY, AND THEY HAD US COME UP AND SAY IT WAS WHAT WE WANTED TO BE WHEN I GREW UP, AND I THOUGHT I WANTED TO BE A HOUSEWIFE, AND EVERYBODY IN THE CHURCH LAUGHED. YEAH?

OH, IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE I'M NOT AN ORDERLY PERSON. IT'S REALLY JUST TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE. DOUG IS CLEAN. HE LIKES IT CLEAN.

MY WIFE, SUSIE, STARTED A DAY CARE IN ABOUT 2002, 2003 TIME FRAME. IT USED TO BE OUR DINING ROOM. WE CONVERTED IT INTO THE NURSERY. AFTER I RETIRED.

I WORKED I WORKED WITH A CONTRACTOR FOR ABOUT SIX, SEVEN MONTHS, AND THEN IT JUST WORKED OUT TO BE BETTER TO BE HERE. SO MY CONDITION IS, YOU KNOW IT'S KIND OF ONE OF THOSE, IF YOU DON'T USE IT, YOU WILL LOSE SO, SO I'VE GOT TO KEEP AS MOBILE AS POLL AND SITTING IN AN OFFICE JUST DOES NOT ALLOW FOR THAT. YOU KNOW, I KEEP HER ENTERTAINED WHILE I'M KIND OF WHERE DO I PUT MY NOSE? TRANSCRIBING THE NOTES THAT I HAVE HERE SOMEWHERE.

WHILE TRYING TO KEEP THINGS RELATIVELY ORGANIZED. AND YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO MAKE DINNER AT SOME POINT, TOO. BEING A MOM IS THE BEST. WENT THROUGH QUITE A WHILE WHERE I REALLY DID NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE MUCH AT ALL.

THERE WE GO. TRYING TO LOOK AT THE WORLD MORE LIKE WITH A PICTURE FOR SEEING HUMOR AND COMEDY AND THINGS. SO I CAN JUST GET A BETTER WORLD VIEW. YOU'RE FINE!

SO YEAH, WE ARE LUCKY, THIS WEEK, TO HAVE FROM COMEDY BOOT CAMP ALUMNI AND KIND OF AN ANYTHING GOES, YOU KNOW, PICK THEIR BRAINS, THEY WERE SITTING IN YOUR SEATS NOT TOO LONG AGO, AND YOU ALL WILL GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT AND WORK WITH TEAM FRED AS THE CLASS GOES ON. BUT TALK A LITTLE ABOUT THE GRADUATION SHOW. WHAT DO THESE FOLKS HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO? WHAT WAS IT LIKE GETTING OUT THERE AND SEEING, YOU KNOW, 150 PEOPLE STARING AT YOU?

YOU SEE IN THE EIGHT WEEKS OF THE BOOT CAMP JUST SHOW UP RIGHT THERE THAT NIGHT. YOU ARE CHEERING FOR THE OTHER CLASSMATES, AND THENETS YOUR TIME ON STAGE, AND YOU REALLY SHINE, AND THEN, YOU KNOW IT FELT LIKE A SCENE, YOU KNOW, WHEN WE DID IT, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I PLAYED IT OFF OF THE PERSON THAT WAS BEFORE ME. WITH THAT, WE WILL TURN IT OVER. IF YOU ALL HAVE ANY QUESTIONS HOW DO YOU DO HUMOR ABOUT THE TOUGH THINGS IN LIFE?

THE FUNNY THINGS ARE THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE SEEING. I DO A PROSTATE JOKE. YOU ALREADY DID THAT ONE! YES.

ONE WOULD THINK THAT IT'S THAT WHICH IS TERRIFYING TO ME CAN BE FUNNY BUT PEOPLE CAN RELATE TO WHAT YOU GO THROUGH, BECAUSE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT THE FIRST PERSON THAT WENT THROUGH WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

INAUDIBLE

ANNOUNCER

THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE. I GOT A QUESTION. SOMETHING I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH. HOW DO YOU ALL FEEL ABOUT FRIED CHICKEN IN RELATION TO HOT DOGS?

INAUDIBLE

ANNOUNCER

SO WE ARE GOING TO GET YOU ALL UP TO DO YOUR THING. I WILL DEAL WITH THE LITTLE LIGHT AT THREE MINUTES. IT DOESN'T MEAN STOP AT THREE MINUTES, IT JUST MEANS WIND DOWN.

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

I SAW MY PICTURES YOU ALL TOOK LAST WEEK SO I'M READY NOW. YEAH! NOT READY FOR THE SUMMER. SO MY PARENTS HAD A COAT OF ARMS HANGING ABOVE THEIR BED, CERAMIC, IT SAID ONCE A KING, ALWAYS A KING, BUT ONCE A NIGHT IS ENOUGH!

LAUGHTER

ANNOUNCER

I THOUGHT YOU GO, DAD! I DIDN'T KNOW SOMEBODY COULD TEACH YOU HOW TO BE A COMEDIAN. I WISH THEY HAD A CLASS TO TEACH YOU ABOUT HOW TO BE A LOTTO WINNER! THAT CLASS COULD BE SHORT, WOULDN'T IT?

YOU COME TO CLASS JUST TO LEARN THIS. I'M GOING TO LEAVE MY FAMILY, I'M GOING TO SPEND TWO MONTHS IN A BUNNY RANCH IN NEVADA, EAT AT CAPTAIN GEORGE FOR FOUR WEEKS, THEN WI GIVE MY FAMILY SOME MONEY. I WOULD BE LIKE HERE, YOU ALL ARE GETTING ON MY DAMN NERVES. THE THING, THE VERY FIRST WEEK, IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU HAVE A SHORT SET, IT'S LIKE TWO MONTHS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? YOU COULD SAY ALL THAT. YOU CAN ARTICULATE ALL THAT THROUGH YOUR WORDS AND EVERYTHING WITHOUT ACTUALLY DOING IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

THERE ARE PATROLS THAT ARE ACTUALLY SEEKING OUT WOMEN WHO PUT ON THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE, PROUD MILITARY WIFE, AND JUST TEARING THEM UP, SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT, OH, HOW DARE YOU TAKE CREDIT FOR YOUR SPOUSE'S SERVICE? FOR INSTANCE, IF SOMEONE HAS PUT ON POUNDS AFTER HAVING BABIES, STAYS AT HOME WITH HER KIDS, SHE BECOMES A DEPEND O-POTAMUS. OKAY? YES.

EXACTLY. THAT'S HORRIBLE. BECAUSE IF WE DIDN'T EARN OURSELVES THE HONOR, HOW DO WE HAVE ACCESS TO OUR SPOUSE'S. I COULD SENSE REALNESS THERE AND I THINK WE APPRECIATE, THIS IS SOMETHING LIKE, THEY DO THIS, AND THAT PASSION WAS LIKE WE'RE ON BOARD WITH YOU, THIS IS TERRIBLE.

ALL RIGHT!

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

BEING THE ONLY SPOUSE, I FELT LIKE I HADN'T DONE THE SAME AMOUNT OF SACRIFICE AS EVERYONE ELSE, BECAUSE I HADN'T, LIKE, COMMITTED MYSELF TO MILITARY SERVICE. SO ONE WAY THAT I FELT LIKE I COULD SERVE THE CLASS WAS BY CREATING A NETWORK. SO FROM WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY WRITTEN IN CLASS, I'M SURE SOME OF THAT IS GOING TO GO INTO YOUR FINAL ROUTINE, RIGHT? I KIND OF WANTED TO START WITH WHAT I STARTED AT THAT FIRST WEEK, THEN ART OF ARC IT INTO THE MEDICAL MAREANA, THINGS LIKE THAT.

OKAY. WHAT KIND OF CANNABIS-RELATED HUMOR BECAUSE THAT HAS A WIDE APPEAL. VERY MUCH CONTRASTING THE SIDE EFFECTS OF CANNABIS TO MANY, MANY, MANY DRUGS. LUNCH TIME IS A HANDFUL OF PILL, YOU KNOW, BEDTIME, ANOTHER HANDFUL.

THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE MEDICATIONS THAT I TAKE ARE NAUSEA, FATIGUE. IT ALSO MAKES US SUSCEPTIBLE TO INFECTION, SO I GET ILL MORE FREQUENTLY THAN I SHOULD. SO I JOKE ABOUT IT BUT THE REALITY IS THAT IT SUCKS, WHEN YOUR REALITY IS TAKING A HANDLE OF MORPHINE OR CANNABIS EDIBLE OR VAPING A LITTLE BIT, I THINK THE CANNABIS HAS MORE SIDE EFFECTS HAS NO SIDE EFFECTS AND UNTIL OUR GOVERNMENT WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THERE ARE SAFER ALTERNATIVE MEDICATIONS OUT THERE, IT'S JUST SOMETHING I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MANAGE. FOR ME, IT'S AN BIG OUTLET TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF THE HOME.

BECAUSE SOMETIMES BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM, IT ACTUALLY FEELS A LITTLE SHAMEFUL IN SOME WAYS. I DO, I GET SOMETIMES LIKE YOU GOT EDUCATED, NOW YOU STAY AT HOLE AND WATCH DANL TIGER. I GET A LOT OF MIXED MESSAGES, WHERE PEOPLE WILL SAY ON ONE HAND, YOU ARE DOING THE MOST HONORABLE JOB IN THE WORLD AND THE SAME CONVERSATION, THE SAME PERSON WILL TURN AROUND AND SAY SO WHEN ARE YOU TAKING THE BAR? YOU ARE DOING A GREAT THING, STAYING AT HOME MOM, YOU ARE GOING TO BE CONTRIBUTING TO YOUR DAUGHTER'S WELFARE AND WELL BEING WHEN SHE GETS OLDER AND YOU HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO PLAY WITH THE WORK FORCE.

THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S TRUE. AS FAR AS MY WIFE IS CONCERNED, I JUST SAW HER IN THE CLUB OVER THERE, I SAID NO MATTER, I GOT TO HAVE THAT GIRL, IT WAS KIND OF DIFFICULT, BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH. WE WERE YOUNG.

SO THERE WASN'T A LOT OF TALKING GOING ON, ANYWAY. LET'S DO SOMETHING TODAY. THERE'S A FESTIVAL OUT THERE AND I'D LIKE TO YOU TAKE ME. IT'S A FESTIVAL, THEY HAVE IT ONCE A YEAR FROM MAIN STREET.

IS A LOT OF PEOPLE GOING TO BE THERE? YOU'LL BE OKAY. YOU TOOK YOUR MEDICATION, RIGHT? YEAH, JUST JUST A WEIRD THING, PTSD.

IT JUST CHANGED THE WHOLE FAMILY. IT AFFECTS THE WHOLE FAMILY, YOU KNOW? I KNOW. I MEAN, I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT.

I JUST IT WAS JUST THE CAREER. WHEN WE DEPLOYED TO HAITI AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE, IT WAS PRETTY DEVASTATING. MY HEART WENT OUT FOR THEM PEOPLE. THEY BROUGHT A LITTLE CHILD WHO HER LEGS WERE SEVERED, AND I JUST NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE.

TO SEE TRAGEDY FROM A NATURAL DISASTER, IT HAS A DIFFERENT STENCH ABOUT IT. YOU DEAL WITH IT THE BEST WAY WE CAN. THAT'S LIFE. THAT'S LIFE.

YEAH. ISN'T THAT A FRANK SINATRA SONG? UH-HUH. LET'S GO AND DO THAT.

LET'S DO THAT AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SAW YOU, I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT WEED EATER AWAY FROM YOU. IF IT GROWS IN MY YARD, AND I DON'T LIKE IT, I'M RUNNING OVER THERE WITH THE RIDING LAWN MOWER! LEAVE THE WEEDS AND KILL THE FLOURS.

I FLOURS. FLOWERS. I TRIED TO KILL THE WEEDS. ME AND HER, WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR BICKERING BACK AND FORTH, BUT MOST OF THE TIME, IT ENDS UP IN SOMETHING HUMOROUS.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE MY JOKES, ANYWAY. I DO! YOU JUST NEVER TELL ME ONE! BUT TELL ME SOMETHING YOU CAME UP WITH.

WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS. IT'S HUMAN NATURE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE JOKES ACCORDING TO WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT, ESPECIALLY FROM FAMILY. DON'T DO NO JOKE ABOUT ME. WELL, ALL MY MATERIAL IS ABOUT YOU!

NO, DON'T EVEN SAY THAT. I'M GOING IT TO DO THAT. OKAY? THANK YOU!

THESE ARE YOUR FLOWERS.

KISS

ANNOUNCER

WE'LL GO A LITTLE BIT ABOUT STAGE PRESENCE. I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT TECHNIQUE YOU USE ON STAGE. THE MORE PREPARED YOU ARE, THE MORE NATURAL YOU CAN BE. YOU WILL SEE A LOT OF THIS THIS TIMES, COMICS TALKING, THEY GOT THE MIC IN THEIR HAND, THEY ARE GOING LIKE THIS.

THIS IS A SIGN OF NERVES. THIS IS A CRUTCH. WHEN I'M NERVOUS, TALKING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, I TEND TO SPEED UP A LOT BUT I'M NOT CONSCIOUS OF IT. I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE WHEN I GET UP THERE IN CLASS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHAKE THAT OFF OF ME. HOW DO YOU MANAGE THAT IN THE MILITARY, WHEN YOU HAVE TO GET IN FRONT OF PEOPLE? I WAS A DRIVER'S TRAINING INSTRUCTOR AND I WAS NEVER NERVOUS ABOUT TEACHING, BUT THIS IS LIKE, MAN, I'M I'M A NERVOUS WRECK. I THINK IT'S BECAUSE IT'S OUR HEART, WE ARE EXPOSING OURSELVES.

IT'S THAT, TOO, BUT HEY, GUYS, YOU ARE HERE AND THERE'S A BUNCH OF HERE THAT DIDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE HERE. THE GRAD SHOW IS THE PAYOFF. THIS IS THE HARD STUFF, BELIEVE IT OR NOT. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, WHEN YOU KEPT REFERRING TO AS THE STAND-UP AS BEING A CRUTCH, SOMEONE USED THIS CRUTCH.

YOU'RE KIDDING! I DON'T HAVE A COMEBACK FOR THAT AT ALL. WHO WOULD LIKE TO GO FIRST? YOU KNOW, CHAPLAINS ARE MINISTERS WHO BECOME SOLDIERS.

AND THE REAL TRUTH IS WE ARE CROSS-DRESSERS.

LAUGHTER

ANNOUNCER

WE WEAR A CROSS ON OUR UNIFORM. I AM FROM A VERY LARGE FAMILY. I'M SEVEN OF 13 CHILDREN. MY PARENTS WERE NOT CATHOLIC OR MORMON.

THEY WERE JUST CRAZY! SO JUST THE OTHER DAY, I GOT A QUESTION I HAVEN'T GOTTEN FOR A VERY LONG TIME, WHICH IS WHAT ARE YOU? WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE A COOING A POIG COULD BE A POIGNANT QUESTION, WHO ARE YOUR HOPES, DREAMS, WHO ARE YOU AT YOUR CORE, AND IT'S THIS QUESTION, WHY A YOU A.M. BIGGOUSLY TONE?

I TOAP. TAUPE? I HAD EXPECTATIONS FOR MY BABY, AND THEY HANDED ME THIS BLOND HAIR, BLUE-EYED, AND I WAS LIKE WHO IS THIS? WHAT SHE SAID, THAT'S FUNNY, BUT THEN YOU SAID SOMETHING LIKE DID YOU SAY BLOND HAIR, BLUE EYES?

UH-HUH. YEAH. SO WHAT'S THE FATHER'S MY HUSBAND? YEAH.

HE IS WHITE, BUT HE HAS DARK FEATURES SO I DIDN'T EXPECT HER TO COME OUT LIKE THAT. WE GOT INTO THAT, TOO, YEAH. SOME PEOPLE CAN BE KIND OF BITTER AND ANGRY WHEN THEY HAVE HEALTH ISSUES. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE LIKE THAT.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A DRUG COMMERCIAL? THE SIDE EFFECTS ARE WORSE THAN THE CONDITION. BUT THERE IS A MORE NATURAL MEANS OF TREATING A LOT OF THE CONDITIONS, A LOT OF ILLNESSES, LIKE MEDICAL MAREANA. THE PROBLEM WITH MEDICAL MAREANA IS WE HAVE A WAR ON DRUGS.

WHEN I WAS IN THE COAST GUARD, I'VE MADE DRUG BUSTS. YOU KNOW WHAT? MAREANA DOESN'T SHOOT BACK. IT'S NOT A WAR, PEOPLE!

I'M WITH YOU, THAT'S A WASTE OF MONEY, MAN. ANYBODY ELSE? ANYBODY GOT ANYTHING ELSE? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ON THE TOPIC.

OH NO! HEY, I WILL BE AT FUNNY BONE FOR YOUR GRADUATION SHOW. THE PROGRESSION I'VE SEEN IS AMAZING MAN. YOU GUYS SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, REALLY SHOULD.

GOOD WORKING WITH YOU GUYS, SEE YOU IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS!

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

SO I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW, THAT WE ARE PUTTING TOGETHER A SHOW IN NEW YORK FOR COMEDY BOOT CAMP ALUMNI, SO I'M GOING TO BE GOING UP THERE TO PERFORM, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A HEADLINER, P.J. WALSH, A NAVY VETERAN. IF THERE'S A GROUP GOING, MAYBE WE CAN GET YOU IN A VAN AND DRIVE YOU UP THERE. SO JUST GET WITH ME AFTER THIS.

IS THERE ANYBODY HERE THAT YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO COOL! WE MAY HAVE A ALL RIGHT, COOL, SEE YOU THERE! OBVIOUSLY, ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF THE TRIP TO NEW YORK IS ACTUALLY THE CAR RIDE. MIKE, WILLIAM AND I WERE JUST REALLY GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND GETTING TO, LIKE, UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER'S COMEDY BETTER.

BETWEEN THE THREE OF US, JUST TALKING ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT BITS, TALKING ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT PHILOSOPHIES, IT WAS REALLY PRODUCTIVE. THIS IS WAY HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE. I FEEL LIKE WHEN I'VE BEEN IN FRONT OF THE CREW, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO LIKE PROJECT AND PERFORM INSTEAD OF JUST HAVING A CONVERSATION. ONCE YOU GET MORE USED TO YOUR ROUTINE, YOUR BITS, I THINK THEN YOU WILL HAVE THAT COMFORT, THE ABILITY TO ACT LIKE, YOU KNOW, IT'S A NORMAL CONVERSATION, YOU KNOW.

RIGHT. WE HAD SOME BEAUTIFUL DISCUSSIONS. WE TALKED ABOUT JOKES, AND SO I THINK WE GOT A STRONG BOND. I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT MIKE AND WILLIAM HADN'T BEEN TO NEW YORK BEFORE, SO IT WAS REALLY EXCITING TO BE ABLE TO SHOW THEM AROUND AND TAKE THEM TO TIMES SQUARE.

HUMBLING TO SEE THE SHEER SIZE OF THE CITY. THIRTY SOME TIMES ON TV, ON NEW YEAR'S, BUT TO BE ABLE TO STAND IN TIMES SQUARE, IT WAS AMAZING! OH MY GOD! NEW YORK AND NEW YORK PEOPLE, I LOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH, BUT I JUST CAN'T BE IN NO PLACE WITH NO GRASS!

THERE WERE PROBABLY PEOPLE ON THE SIDE, SMOKING GRASS, BUT THERE SURE WASN'T NOTHING GROWING! ONE DAY WE'LL ALL GET HERE. GOT TO WORK HARD. WORK HARD.

WHERE IS THIS MACON COWBOY I KEEP HEARING ABOUT? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. WELCOME TO THE GATHERHAM COMEDY CLUB, WE ARE VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE UP FROM D.C. AND HAMPTON ROADS.

SO YOU GUYS READY FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT? ALL RIGHT! WASN'T THE FIRST GOAL, FRONT LINES, TRAINED AS A DENTAL TECHNICIAN. PEOPLE ASK ME, WERE YOU IN THE WAR?

YEAH, THE WAR ON PLAQUE! PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR ISAURA RAMIREZ. GETTING TO SEE I SURERA ISAURA PERFORM. BLOWS THE ROOM AWAY.

I DID 13 YEARS IN THE ARMY, 15 MINUTES IN A TOUR OF IRAQ AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY THE WAR TOOK SO LONG. ANYTHING I LEARNED FROM THE ARMY, NOT TO BELIEVE IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES. WE ARE NOT THAT SMART! I WAS HAND-PICKED TO TRAIN THE IRAQI ARMY.

IN VEHICLE MAINTENANCE! THE MOST WORK I'VE EVER DONE ON A CAR IS TO CHANGE A FLAT TIRE. AND I DID THAT BY PULLING OVER ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND FLASHING MY BOOBS.

LAUGHTER

ANNOUNCER

WHICH DID NOT GO OVER WELL WITH THE WOMEN IN THE IRAQI VILLAGE. BUT I DID WIN THE MEN'S HEARTS AND MINDS. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! THAT'S MY TIME!

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

I SAW PEOPLE WHO WERE IN OUR CLASS A YEAR AGO OR LESS, AND THEY WERE DOING REALLY WELL. HAVE AN AWESOME NIGHT, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS FOR P.J. AND LIKE HOW DID YOU DO IT, WHAT DID YOU LEARN.

HOW FAR ARE YOU? YOU ARE HALF WAY. HOW DO YOU FEEL HALF WAY? I WAS FEELING PRETTY GOOD.

LIKE I SAID, THAT POINT, YOU ARE WRITING SOME MATERIAL, YOU ARE GETTING YOUR FIRST LAUGH. THAT'S THE MOST, YOU KNOW, AMAZING PART, LIKE WHEN YOU GET YOUR FIRST LAUGH. IF THEY DON'T LAUGH AT ME IN CLASS, WHY WOULD I THINK SOMEBODY ELSE IS GOING TO LAUGH WITH ME? WE ALL CAN BE FUNNY WITH OUR FRIENDS, WE HAVE A HISTORY, BUT WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BRING SOMETHING THAT'S YOURS, YEAH, IF IT DON'T WORK, YOU ARE LIKE THAT'S PERSONAL, THAT'S MY FUNNY RIGHT THERE, YOU KNOW?

THEY SHOWED ME, YOU GOT TO BE REAL COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU ARE DOING STAND-UP. YOU HAVE TO BE REAL RELAXED, AND YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE STUFF. PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, SO DON'T BE AFRAID TO REALLY THINK DEEP AND TELL THE STORY. BUT FUNNY IS GOING TO COME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME. WE ARE THANKING YOU FOR TAKING THE TRIP TO NEW YORK AND SUPPORTING US AND YOU GUYS ARE THE FUTURE OF THIS, WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS AWESOME GOING TO THE 9/11 MEMORIAL ON THE NEW JERSEY SIDE, THAT ONE KIND OF HIT HOME. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ DRY YOUR EYES. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ IT WAS A REALLY MEANINGFUL TIME, BECAUSE I GOT TO HAVE SOME OF THE EXPERIENCES OF PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT IN THE GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR.

I NEVER GOT TO SEE THE TWIN TOWERS IN THE FLESH, BUT TO ACTUALLY GET TO SEE COMPONENTS OF IT, KIND OF AN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE TO SEE THAT. JUST FOR ME TO HAVE MY HAND ON ONE OF THE METAL BEAMS, I FET LIKE KIND OF I FELT LIKE KIND OF IN TUNE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR LIVES. IN SOME KIND OF WAY, I WANTED TO SAY WELL, I DID WHAT I CAN DO TO SUPPORT THE WAR EFFORT. I JUST STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M REALLY HERE.

NOW TO SEE WHAT I FOUGHT FOR. THE TRIP TO NEW YORK WAS REALLY BENEFICIAL. I GOT TO SEE WHAT COMEDY BOOT CAMP MEANS TO A BROADER AUDIENCE. SEEING HOW GREAT THESE PERFORMERS HAVE GOTTEN IN A REALLY LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME, IT JUST INSPIRES ME, BECAUSE I SAW PEOPLE COME OUT THERE AND SAY THINGS LIKE ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES, AND IF YOU DO IT WELL, YOU CAN BE REALLY OPEN WITH WHO YOU ARE.

THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME IN NEW YORK, THE CITY OF DREAMS. PRETTY MUCH A TRIP I WILL NEVER FORGET. NEW YORK IS BEAUTIFUL, BUT NO. NOT ME.

GIVE ME THE COUNTRY LIFE ANY DAY. IS THERE ANYBODY OUT HERE THAT WORKS FOR CLAIMS AND DISABILITIES? NO? OKAY.

WHEW! THE MATERIAL THAT YOU HAVE UP TO THIS POINT, THAT YOU WORK WITH, WE ARE GOING TO FINE-TUNE THAT IN PREPARATION FOR THE GRADUATION SHOW. SO I HAD A BABY IN SCHOOL, AND WHEN I WAS THERE, WE GOT THIS NANNY, LET'S CALL HER JORDAN. I WAS VERY SURPRISED TO FIND HER SEX BLOG DETAILING THE GENERALLY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS SHE WAS HOPING TO DO TO MY HUSBAND.

SO I SAT HER DOWN FOR A CHAT, AND HER RESPONSE, IT WAS WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? OH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT, JORDAN, I WILL TELL YOU THE BIG DEAL! YOU KNOW, SO HOLY BONDS OF MATRIMONY, OR WHATEVER. BUT THAT IS HOME COOKING RIGHT THERE!

HE COOKED IT HOTTER AND HOTTER. I LIKE TO BE AROUND FRIENDS WHO HAVE THE SAIL CONDITIONS THAT I DO. I TRULY HOPE YOU COME TO THE GRADUATION, MAN. DEFINITELY, MAN.

NOW PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR MIKE! GREAT TO DO THINGS LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT GETS ME INTO CONTACT WITH MY FELLOW MILITARY MEMBERS BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY IT'S IN MEMORY OF THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WOUNDED AND THOSE WE ARE LOSING TO SUICIDE. MOMMY CARRIED AROUND ONE OF THOSE. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

HUH? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT? IT'S BIGGER THAN ME. IT IS, IT'S ALMOST BIGGER THAN YOU.

CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT. MOMMY WENT OUTSIDE OF HERE SO DO YOU THINK ANY OF THOSE POSTERS WOULD GO OVER WELL TODAY? THIS IS WOMEN, COME AND HELP US, THE REAL SOLDIERS.

IT GOT BETTER N. THE '80S, WHERE EQUALITY IS A FACT. OKAY, OBVIOUSLY, SOMEBODY DIDN'T FACT-CHECK THAT. FROM HERE UNTIL THE GRADUATION SHOW, THE FOCUS IS THAT FIVE MINUTE SET THAT YOU DID LAST WEEK, THE CONFIDENCE THAT YOU SHOW IS BASED ON THE WORK THAT YOU HAVE PUT INTO REHEARSING.

WE ALL WANT TO BE GREAT. YOU WILL BE GREAT. AND YOU WILL BE FUNNY. BUT BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

I APPRECIATE PEOPLE HELPING, OPENING DOORS, ALL OF THAT, IT'S ALL GREAT, BUT IF YOU ARE 20 FEET BEHIND ME, I CAN MANAGE THE DOOR WITHOUT YOU RUNNING UP, BUMPING INTO ME AND GRABBING THE DOOR. JUST SAYING! THANKS, DOES THAT LOOK WELCOMING, DO YOU WANT TO GO DOWN? HEY!

TOUCH ME! OH MY GOODNESS! NO, NO, NO, COME OFF THE SIDE. HUH?

YEAH. THAT'S NORMAL. WHOA!

WHISTLING

ANNOUNCER

SOME GOOD STUFF, MAN! AND IT'S SO EXPENSIVE, YOU KNOW, AND YOU THINK CAN LOSING IT, BUT MAN, YOU ONLY GOT ONE LIFE TO LIVE, MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU DO, YOU JUST DO, YOU KNOW, AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT THE SHOW BEFORE THE GRAD SHOW, WE REALLY STARTED TO REALIZE HOW MUCH WE WERE GOING TO MISS EACH OTHER.

SO YOU ARE JUST SHOWING OFF YOUR WHOLE WARDROBE, AREN'T YOU! EVERYTHING! JUST LIKE, WOW, THIS IS COMING UP TO THE END! EVERYBODY IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT TO ME TODAY.

THEY ARE A LITTLE MORE SOMBER, A LITTLE NOT QUITE AS ANKYLOSING SPONDYLITIS AH! WE ARE ALL KIND OF REALIZING THAT THIS WAS THE LAST TIME WE ARE GOING TO BE TOGETHER UNTIL THE GRAD SHOW. IT'S FUNNY, PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK THAT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE PARALYZED TO BE ALLOWED TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. I THINK IT'S ALL THE KIDS THAT USE THE LITTLE POWER CARTS IN THERE, WHEN THEY REALLY SHOULDN'T BE.

MY MOM WOULD GIVE ME THE LOOKS! DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT LOOK IS ABOUT, BECAUSE IF YOU ARE MARRIED, YOU GOT IT FROM YOUR SPOUSE. THE NAVY TAKES AWAY ABOUT HALF OF YOUR MARRIAGE. I WROTE A POEM, AND IT'S HONOR.

MON OG ME IS LIKE POETY BECAUSE MOST WILL FIND IT BORING. THAT'S A HIGH COUP! I LOANED MY SISTER SOME MONEY ONE TILE AND TWO YEARS WENT BY AND I JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT, SO I CALLED, I SAID WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME MY MONEY THAT I LOANED YOU? SHE SAID I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.

I SAID GIRL, I DON'T CARE IF YOU WAS MARTIN LUTHER KING AND YOU HAD A DREAM, YOU WEREN'T GOING TO GIVE ME MY MONEY, YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME MY MONEY! I SAID DON'T LET ME COME TO DALLAS, PUT A BANANA IN YOUR TAIL PIPE. SHE SAID YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW ALREADY DO THAT, SO SHUT THE HELL UP. I WAS LIKE EEEH!

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT! THERE'S SOMETHING KIND OF SOMBER ABOUT THE CLASS. I WASN'T SURE WHAT THE CAUSE OF THAT WAS. I THINK MAYBE IT WAS NERVES, BUT NOW, I REALIZE WHERE THAT WAS PLACED IN THE TRAJECTORY OF THE CLASS, AND I WAS LIKE ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS OUR LAST KIND OF REAL TIME IN A CLASSROOM SPACE TOGETHER.

I GOT TO GET MY MIND RIGHT. MY THEORY IS THAT IF I CAN JUST GET THEM TO LAUGH ON THE FIRST OR THE SECOND JOKE, THEN I CAN JUST TAKE THAT MOMENTUM AND KEEP ON GOING WITH IT, BUT WHEN YOU GET TO WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS, IT'S REALLY JUST ANXIETY. BUT SO LIKE I TAKE MY MEDICINE, AND HOPEFULLY, I WILL BE ALL RIGHT. SO I'M GOING TO CALL MY MOM, THOUGH.

I'M HERE, BEFORE MY FIRST COMEDY SHOW, TO RELAX, GET RID OF ANGST, GET FOCUSED. EVERY TIME I COME, IT PRETTY MUCH CLEARS MY BRAIN, MOST EVERYTHING. I'M GETTING IN THE PANIC MODE BEFORE I GO UP, BUT IT'S LIKE ONCE I GET UP THERE AND MAKE THE FIRST JOKE AND RELAX COMPLETELY WHAT DO YOU THINK IN THE LONG RUN? DO YOU THINK YOU WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS?

I MEAN, I LOVE DOING IT AND I HAVE LOVED DOING IT. I'M JUST MY NEW YORK IS SO MUCH LOWER. I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH WORK GOES INTO A SET, YOU KNOW? LIKE A FIVE MINUTE SET.

I THINK IT'S GOOD TO HAVE PERSONAL GOALS, FAMILY GOALS, AND I THINK YOU ARE WATCHING IT, ACHIEVING IT. IT'S PRETTY EXCITING. ARE YOU PROUD OF MAMA? LET'S DO IT, GAME ON!

THIS WAY. YOU GUYS. THAT WAY! MAMA, CHECK THIS OUT.

WE'VE BEEN IN CLASS FOR YIKE EIGHT FOR LIKE EIGHT WEEKS AND TODAY WE GRADUATE. IT'S SOMETHING LIKE REAL BIG TO ME, MOMMA, AND IN MY ROUTINE, MOMMA GOT A JOKE, TOO. BABE, LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU, TOO, BYE BYE.

THANKS MOMMA, ALL RIGHT, BYE BYE. YOU READY TO GO? HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING? GOOD?

WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING TAKES A LOT OF GUTS. THIS IS A PAYOFF FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK. I KNOW YOU ARE NERVOUS, BUT THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE HERE FOR. THEY ARE GOING TO ROCK IT.

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

WOO! I WAS ACTUALLY A THOUSAND TIMES MORE NERVOUS AT THE FUNNY BONE. A LITTLE OVERWHELMING TO SEE THE SIZE OF IT. IN MY MIND, I WAS LIKE YOU DON'T GET THAT CHANCE NO MORE.

YOU KNOW? PRACTICING IN A GREEN ROOM, WHERE LIKE ALL THESE FANTASTIC COMEDIANS SIGNED THE WALLS. YOU HAVE THE ANXIETY, ALMOST A PANIC LEVEL. IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I REALLY HAD TO STEP UP.

WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT DOWN AND YOU COULD LOOK OUT AND SEE A CROWDED HOUSE, AND PEOPLE EXCITED, THAT'S WHEN I WAS LIKE THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN! PLEASE WELCOME WILLIAM BRECKENRIDGE! WHEN I WALKED UP ON THE STAGE, AND DID THE FIRST JOKE, HI, I WANT TO CLEAR THE AREA. IS THE PERSON WHO APPROVED BY V.A.

DISABILITY IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW? NO? OKAY. SHOOT.

AND THEY LAUGHED. IT WAS ALL OVER THEN. I KNEW I HAD THEM, AND I WASN'T GOING TO LET GO. I GOT PTSD.

POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER THE STRANGE THING ABOUT IT, I THOUGHT I HAD THAT SINCE I WAS ABOUT LIKE THIS HIGH. MY MOTHER USED TO TAKE ME TO THE STORE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID, AND YOU KNOW ME, LITTLE KIDS, YOU KNOW, GRABBING RANDOM STUFF OFF THE SHELVES AND SHE WOULD HIT ME IN THE HEAD AND SAY PUT THAT SHIFT DOWN, SO THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT PTSD MEANT, PUT THAT SHIT DOWN! IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE THE EXHILARATION. IT'S REALLY ADDICTIVE, IT'S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO GO BACK AND DO OVER AND OVER.

WHEN YOU SEE DOCTORS A LOT, YOU START TO GET BORED. I HAD ELECTRODES PUT IN MY BACK TO BLOCK THE PAIN SIGNALS. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A GENTLE TINGLING SENSATION. WHEN THE TECHNICIAN IS GETTING READY, SHE WAS LIKE OKAY, I'M GOING TO TURN IT ON.

OKAY, NOW IT'S CONTINUE. SHE DIDN'T FIND IT THAT FUNNY! THE MAIN THING FOR ME IS JUST BEING ABLE TO SEE THAT PERSON THAT WALKED IN THE FIRST DAY, AND THEN WHO THEY ARE, NOW WHEN THEY GET ON STAGE, AND THEN AFTER THEY ARE DONE, LIKE YOU CAN SEE THEIR SMILE, LIKE FROM EAR TO EAR. PEOPLE ARE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU HAVE TO, LIKE, BE PARALYZED TO USE A WHEELCHAIR, SO WHEN I GET BACK TO LIKE MY CAR AND STAND UP, I ALWAYS GET DIRTY LOOKS FROM PEOPLE, LIKE I WAS CHEATING!

WHF I SEE THAT LOOK, I'M LIKE IT'S A MIRACLE! WELL, I'M PUMPED BECAUSE I HAVE RECENTLY FIGURED OUT YANKEE DOODLE. YEAH, OKAY. I KNOW NOW WHEN DOODLES GET YANKIED IN ORDER TO KEEP IT UP.

SO YANKEE DOODLE IS GOING TO TOWN, RIDING HIS LITTLE PONY. I FEEL LIKE THAT SET OF THE BEST SET I HAD EVER DONE. EVERY MOMENT WAS WELL-REHEARSED, EVEN THOUGH I HAD TO LOOK AT MY ARM, LIKE, TWICE. WHAT IF PANCAKES WERE THE THING WE HAD TO BE FAITHFUL WITH?

I SAW YOU SPREADING YOUR SYRUP UP THAT ROOTEY, FRUITY, TREASURE AND TOOTIE. I HAD OTHER OFFERS. THERE WAS A CHOCOLATE PANCAKE IN MY CLASS. I COULD HAVE HAD AN INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES.

IT WAS A FINAL NOTE OF THE CLASS, THE GRAD SHOW, WHICH ENDED IN SUCH A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT, THAT PEOPLE REFLECTED ON THE SOMBERNESS AND FEELINGS OF NOSTALGIA, BUT WERE TO END ON A CELEBRATORY NOTE. ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. YOU ALL DID IT. YOU ALL DID IT.

GIVE YOURSELVES A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

THAT WAS AWESOME. EVERY ONE OF YOU HIT THE JOKES YOU HAD BEEN WORKING ON, THE CROWD LOVES IT, YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, THANK YOU, IT'S BEEN SUCH A PLEASURE WORKING WITH YOU ALL THE LAST EIGHT WEEKS. YOU ALL ARE ROCK STARS. I HOPE WE STAY IN TOUCH.

GIVE YOU ALL A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

IF I'M AN ORDER, THE FIRST PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THAT HAD AN IMPACT IN MY LIFE IS TIM LULEES, MAN. AND ALSO, RYAN, YOU, AND SAM PRESSLER, MAN. YOU ALL DID THIS BECAUSE YOU ALL ACTUALLY CARED FOR THE VETERANS, AND THE COMEDY BOOT CAMP CAME IN MY LIFE WHEN I WAS SPIRALING DOWN. YOU KNOW, REALLY TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE.

YOU KNOW? IT MADE ME THINK, MAN, I SHOULD DAMN STAY ALIVE, MAN. I REALLY SHOULD STAY ALIVE. SO I WANT TO THANK THOSE THREE PEOPLE.

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER

WE WERE LOOKING BACK AT THE CLASS AS A WHOLE, THE EXCITEMENT, THE NERVOUSNESS, THE QUESTIONS, LIKE THE SELF-DOUBT, ON DAY ONE, AND THEN AS THE WEEKS WENT ON, WATCHING EVERYBODY ELSE'S PROGRESSION, AS WE ALL WENT THROUGH KIND OF THAT SAME METAMORPHOSIS AND KIND OF CHANGE IS REALLY EXCITING. FOR ME, IT HAD A LOT OF BENEFITS, BECAUSE IT REALLY GAVE ME SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON FOR THAT WINDOW OF TIME. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MADE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT I WAS KIND OF LIKE AN ARECENTRY, THE PEOPLE I MOVED FROM PLACE TO PLACE ISN'T FOR MY WORK, AND IT'S BEEN HARD TO FIND AN IDENTITY THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL UNIMPORTANT, AND THESE PEOPLE HAVE HELPED ME FEEL LIKE MY CONTRIBUTION IS VALUABLE. I LOVE DOING COMEDY.

I LOVED PERFORMING. AND I KIND OF HAD AN IDEA THAT I WOULD, GOING INTO THE CLASS, BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW STRONG IT WOULD BE BY THE END OF THE CLASS. MY CLASSMATES, AWESOME. WE ALL IMPROVED FROM, LIKE, DAY ONE.

I THINK THAT WE WILL PROBABLY SEE THEM IN THE FUTURE, IN SOME BIG VENUE, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. WHEN I FIRST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WHITE HOUSE SHOW, I THOUGHT SAM WAS CRANK CRANKING ME, THERE WAS NO WAY WE ARE GOING TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND YOU ARE TAKING ME WITH YOU. WHEN I FIRST SIGNED HER UP FOR THE COMEDY BOOT CAMP, SHE WAS GETTING OUT OF THE ARMY, HAVING A HARD TIME, AFTER SHE FINALLY DID IT, I MEAN, IT'S BEEN A BLESSING. SHE IS HAPPY.

AND HERE WE ARE AT THE WHITE HOUSE. SO THIS IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. READY FOR THIS! I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW I WAS GOING TO DO BEYOND THE GRADUATION SHOW.

THIS REALLY OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME. BACK IN MY MIND, THERE WAS ALWAYS THIS LITTLE, LIKE, DREAM, HOPE, WISH, THAT SOMETHING BIGGER WOULD COME FROM IT THAN JUST THE CLASS, AND NOW I'M REALIZING THAT. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DROP OUT OF THE CLASS. WHY!

I DON'T KNOW. HOW ABOUT YOU, MAMA? YOU'VE COME A LONG, LONG WAY AND I'M VERY, VERY PROUD OF YOU. THANKS.

I'M GOING TO THE WHITE HOUSE TO PERFORM STAND-UP COMEDY, AND I JUST WOULD NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS EVER THINK THAT I WOULD BE AT THIS POINT WHERE I AM NOW. IT'S AMAZING. I MEAN, HE IS DOING REALLY WELL, I LOVE IT, I'M TOTALLY EXCITED. IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT AT THE END OF THE DAY.

OH LORD. AND HOPEFULLY, OTHER PEOPLE WILL SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE. IT'S BEEN INSIDE OF HIM, AND NOW HE IS JUST SHOWCASING IT. I'M JUST FOCUSED ON MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH, YOU KNOW, AND I THINK THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE ARE, IN OUR SOCIETY, WE HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO LAUGH WITH EACH OTHER, TO LOVE EACH OTHER.

WHEN I WAS IN THE GREEN ROOM, I WAS THINKING I WANTED TO DIE RIGHT THERE. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MAKE IT TO THE WHITE HOUSE EVER. THIS IS LIKE THE HEIGHT OF MY CAREER. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER RIGHT NOW FOR MY FRIEND ISAURA RAMIREZ!

MY INITIAL THOUSANDS WAS THAT THIS WAS REALLY IMPOSSIBLE, BECAUSE HOW DOES SOMEBODY LIKE THEY BE GOING TO THE WHITE HOUSE? I WAS ELATED. LIKE THE HIGH POINT OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. THANK YOU TO THE WHITE HOUSE FOR ALLOWING THIS DAY TO HAPPEN!

COMEDY BOOT CAMP, BABY, YEAH YEAH. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ COMEDY BOOT CAMP, BABY, YEAH YEAH. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ COMEDY BOOT CAMP, BABY. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ YOU PEOPLE GET READY TO LAUGH!

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