All Creatures Great and Small

TRISTAN: I belong in the stables, not in there.

You belong right here, with me.

I like seeing her happy.

HELEN: I want Jenny to go, but only if she's ready.

No one's ever ready.

When you go to Edward's, are you coming back?

I'll only be gone for a few days.

How about you come with me?

What?

Just to settle me in.

It can be our adventure together.

(sighs) (footsteps walking upstairs) JIMMY (whispering): Go, dogs, go.

(dogs panting) He's coming!

He's coming!

(dog barks) (softly): Here you go-- have you got it?

Morning!

(chuckling) Here you go, Uncle Tris.

Jimmy's made you a lovely egg.

Ooh, what a delicious-looking soft-boiled egg.

Can't wait to taste it.

(spoon tapping) Oh!

You tricked me, you little rascal.

(others laugh) Are you on kitchen duty?

Eh?

(chuckles) You'll be giving your ma tips when she gets back from London.

He's been a wonderful helper.

I bet he has.

Thanks again for looking after him this week.

I'm not sure his granddad would've managed so well.

It's lovely having you both here.

I only wish it were permanent.

Unfortunately, Helen may still have one or two reservations about that.

But with Jenny gone, and Mrs.

H here... She knows I'll always look after Jimmy and Rosie, don't she?

Siegfried.

Aye, she does, I think she just worries that someone else always has to be the center of attention.

(Tristan chuckles) He's coming!

SIEGFRIED (calling): Jimmy?

Got a challenging one.

Who on earth could she mean?

Uh, what's this?

Oh, I've been teaching him to identify spoor.

Spoor?

You mean... Animal poo!

(chuckling) Don't worry, I won't bring it anywhere near the table.

Come along, Jimmy.

Have you seen my glasses?

I hate it when he's in a good mood.

It's like being licked by a shorthorn.

Hm.

(sniffs) It's rather sweet.

I'd say a diet of pine cones.

What do you think?

Siegfried, do you have a minute?

Run along, Jimmy.

Mm... See if you can identify it from the chart.

I must say, I'm rather enjoying having him back.

And you, of course.

When Helen comes home from London, it'll be just like old times.

Being back here full-time has given me a chance to go over the books.

(muttering): Damn glasses.

We're in a worse mess than I thought.

Is this going to be dreary?

I don't think you realize how bad it actually is.

How much business we've lost recently.

Well, if you lived here permanently instead of running back and forth to Heston, we might have a chance of turning this thing around.

I don't think that is the problem.

We're way into the red.

I don't even know how we'll pay Mrs.

H this week, never mind anyone else.

We have a new prime minister, in case you hadn't noticed.

Mr.

Attlee is providing food for all, healthcare for all, and houses for all.

And since poor Mr.

Churchill says he can't possibly pay for it all, why should we worry?

I have a family to provide for.

Sometimes I don't think that occurs to you.

Of course it bloody does!

Look, I found this.

It's from the dog track at Hensfield.

They need an attending vet urgently.

Have you done anything about it?

I should think not.

It's cash in hand-- exactly what we need right now.

I walked away from a similar job in Ripon, if you remember.

I didn't like the way the horses came second to the money.

I suspect whippets will be even less of a priority.

I've trained at greyhound tracks.

I've seen the dogs well cared for.

The National Greyhound Racing Club is one thing, and an unlicensed flapping track is quite another-- aha!

More the reason to have a decent vet there.

Besides which, we don't have the luxury of choice.

I'm sorry, I want nothing to do with it.

JIMMY: Is it badger?

(chuckling): No.

Badger is altogether muskier and less well-formed.

(chuckling) Let me have a look at your chart, Jimmy.

(sighs) SIEGFRIED: I thought you were going to draw a rabbit.

Oh, that is a rabbit!

Uncle Siegfried.

(chuckles) So the position's still available?

COKER (on phone): Ah, yes, thank you for ringing.

I'm pleased to hear it, Mr.

Coker.

COKER: Yes, very good.

I've been a practicing vet for some years, and I have experience with the National Greyhound... COKER (interrupting): ...sounds very good to me.

Yes?

COKER: Now, listen, yes, I'd really like to meet you, Veterinary.

Can you come down the dogs so I can have a chat?

Yes, I can.

COKER: Good, fine, right, bye.

Thank you.

(line clicks, tone buzzing) (receiver replaced) SIEGFRIED: They usually have two ears.

JIMMY: You're being daft.

(chuckles) Just so you know, I'll be heading to Hensfield later.

You'll have no objection with me taking the Rover, do you?

No.

Come on.

Veterinary.

Right, good, all right.

(talking in background) JAMES: Thank you, young fella.

(brake engages) (engine stops) (car door closes) Want your car minding, mister?

Aye, all right.

(horn honking, boy giggles) (chuckles) (dogs barking) (people talking in background) (laughing) I says to him, "If you think dog's got it bad, ought to take a look at my gout."

Eh?

(laughing) Mr.

Coker?

Never heard of him.

(laughing) James Herriot, I'm here about the... Ah!

Veterinary!

Thank God for that!

(chuckles) Right, see you later, Stan.

Ah, I'm ever so grateful, Mr.

Herriot, I really am.

You've got me out of a tight spot here, you have.

I'm sorry I wasn't in touch earlier.

Your letter went a bit astray.

It's not that you can't find a vet.

I mean, vets are two a penny.

I mean, good vets, though, that's different.

I suppose good vets are busy.

Aye, daytime meetings don't help.

How you're supposed to run a track when half your customers were at war and the other half were at work, I don't know.

I heard that a lot of tracks have closed down.

It's not easy, Mr.

Herriot, let me tell you, it's not easy at all.

But I don't do it for the money.

I do it for the lads.

(chuckles) It's the only bit of pleasure they get, some of 'em.

And none of that happens without you.

(chuckles) Most important man on track, the veterinary.

(laughs) That's nice to hear.

So, you've got your certification, have you?

Yes, and my references from... Ah, we'll do that later.

Don't you worry about that-- we've got to get you started.

Sorry-- do you mean to say I've got the job?

I thought this was just a... No, listen, you're the right sort, Mr.

Herriot.

I can tell by looking at you.

(stammers): I don't have my vet bag.

You're all I've got.

Can't race without you.

Well, thank you, Mr.

Coker.

(chuckling) (dog barking) Ladies.

WOMAN: Hello.

WOMAN 2: How do?

Morning, Bert.

Morning!

(knocks) Ah, Mrs.

Ainsley.

Thank goodness you're here, Mr.

Farnon.

We are beside ourselves.

(recorder playing out-of-tune and squeaking ) (parrot squawks softly) TRISTAN: Hello, kids.

CHILDREN: Hello, Mr.

Farnon.

I am so sorry we couldn't bring him to you.

Just some days, he won't let you near.

(parrot whistles) (playing out-of-tune) He likes music.

Well, we think.

(chirps, whistles) Hello, George.

Me and our Lucy... (recorder stops) ...we made the toys.

(whistles) Wanted it to make it feel like a forest.

And Bobby here, you drew the pictures, didn't you?

Oh, let's have a look.

Wow!

Well, he's a very lucky parrot.

(chuckles) Let's have a look.

Watch yourself with him.

(George whistles) Oh, don't worry, I've got a special rapport with birds.

There we go.

(George lunges, squawks) (grunts) He didn't mean it.

(Tristan chuckles) MRS.

AINSLEY: See, this is what he's like.

I mean, we haven't had him very long, but we love him to bits, don't we?

LUCY: Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Problem is, he doesn't seem to like us very much.

GEORGE: Silly arse.

(girl giggles) Did, did he just say... (girls giggling) Yes.

And I tell you what, he says it like he means it.

Huh.

GEORGE: Silly arse, silly arse.

(children giggling) MRS.

AINSLEY: We do everything we can to make him happy-- I... I don't know if it's him or if it's us.

GEORGE: Silly arse.

He's lost a few feathers there.

MRS.

AINSLEY: Oh, yes.

He's started picking.

It's like he's that angry, he'll take it out on anything, even himself.

(George whistles) How's his appetite?

He's not really eating.

Droppings?

He's got the trots.

Bobby!

TRISTAN: Right.

Well, parrots are difficult to diagnose, but it's possible it could be psittacosis.

Psittaco... It's an infectious disease very common in parrots.

It can lie dormant for a very long time, with no symptoms, until it begins to cause the bird distress, which... (whistles) ...you know, could account for these behaviors.

(softly): Oh, George.

Unfortunately, it can be transferred to humans.

(George chirping) That being the case, I will have to take him with me for further observation, just until I'm sure.

You can't take George.

This is where he lives.

MRS.

AINSLEY: Hey, look, it won't be for long.

The vet just needs to check him over, and then... Well, he'll give him some medicine, won't you, Mr.

Farnon?

(inhales) Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Can we help you carry him?

Oh, no, don't worry.

He's in safe hands with me.

(light clangs) GEORGE: Arse!

Ready for inspection, please.

Who's this?

Ezra.

Ezra!

That's it.

(people talking in background) Good lad.

Thank you.

Which dog's next for inspection?

Blackpool Rock.

He's sweet, but he's hard as nails.

There we are, lad.

All right, lad.

There we go.

(whimpers) (whines softly) Has this dog been fed within the last hour or two?

Nothing since breakfast.

Well, I can feel a full stomach.

(chuckling): Well, can't have, he's had nowt.

If you want me to check, I can vomit him.

I've got washing soda in the car.

I don't want you messing with my dog.

Then I'm sorry, I'll have to take him out of the race.

Listen, Mr.... Herriot.

I'm Willie Stockwell, Mr.

Herriot.

Ask anyone about me.

I've trained dogs all my life.

They are my life.

And I train winners.

When they come in, it might not mean much to anyone else, but to me, it's everything.

And Blackpool Rock's the favorite.

So, I don't like what you're suggesting.

Yes, but still, his stomach... Look, when I were in Africa, a couple of the lads, they carried a picture of their sweetheart.

I carried two.

My family and my dogs.

You served in Africa?

Did my bit.

(exhales) I was discharged, as well.

R.A.F.

So you must know why I need this.

You must know it's about pride.

That's the truth, Mr.

Herriot.

Problem?

No problem.

Good lad.

(squeaks) SIEGFRIED: Congratulations-- you've finally made it back with a bird that hasn't dropped dead.

TRISTAN: Yes, well, if it is psittacosis, it's only a matter of time.

The feather plucking is a concern.

As is the loss of appetite.

The trots.

Mm-hmm.

Characteristic green hue?

No, not that I've seen.

SIEGFRIED: But of course, psittacosis can present without all of the symptoms.

TRISTAN: Hm.

(exhales) Silly arse.

(squeaking) It's wonderful to see the bond you've built up with him.

Oh, yes, he's an absolute charmer.

(whistles) Has he been in contact with other birds?

I don't think so.

But the infection can lay dormant for years.

Mm-hmm.

He may have caught it from his flock.

Do the owners know it's fatal?

(George whistling) I couldn't see the point in telling them before we're even sure.

They obviously dote on him.

(George whistles at piercing pitch) Heaven knows why.

(George whistles softly) Right, let's send a sample for testing.

In the meantime, strict quarantine.

And you'll need to keep a close eye on him in case further symptoms develop.

Yes, I, I was thinking, um, perhaps we could swap duties.

As you know, birds seem to take against me.

And, um... (George whistling, clicking) Well, I've got this dinner with Charlotte later, so... (whistling) You brought him in.

He's your responsibility.

(George squawks softly) (sighs) (door closes) (whistles) Who has the incontinence problem?

Thank you, Mrs.

Wellings-- it's a cat I'm looking for.

Oh.

Mrs.

Hall.

We have a parrot in strict quarantine.

Please make sure Jimmy stays away from examination room two.

(George whistles) Right you are-- thought I might take him out for a picnic tea, anyway.

Oh.

I, I rather thought I might look after him when I've finished here.

He's excited about going on a hunt for fox droppings.

How can I compete?

I, I don't mean to spoil your plans.

It were just an idea.

I've plenty to be getting on with.

Perhaps if he's not too late going to bed, there might be time for cribbage.

(inhales) It's not me favorite, cribbage.

Well, uh, to make it more interesting, we could always try a variation.

I thought backwards might be fun.

Oh, I've never tried it that way.

You simply do everything the opposite way round.

The winner is the person who finishes last.

I think it might be quite jolly.

(George whistling) Certainly sounds it.

I'll have the cards ready.

(George whistling) What are you doing with that bird, man?

TRISTAN: All in hand!

Right.

Oscar, cat, incontinent-- thank you.

(people talking, dogs barking in background) Hey up, lads.

(dog barks) Number one fit, vet?

I wouldn't have passed him if he wasn't.

(dogs barking) (cheering) (barking) (crowd cheering) (crowd applauding) MAN 1: Hey, what happened to Blackpool Rock?

MAN 2: Just never got going, did he?

MAN 3: Lucas did all right.

Bad luck.

I want to examine that dog again.

He's done his race.

I saw.

How many bowls of breadcrumbs and milk did you give him?

He had an off day-- it happens.

You said he was a winner.

He is.

Just not today.

Look, if he ran with a full stomach, he could have bloat.

Now, that can lead to serious complications.

Don't tell me how to look after my dog.

I don't think you are looking after him.

COKER: What's all this, then, eh?

I believe this dog has been overfed.

Now, I gave him the benefit of the doubt before... This dog?

No, no.

I wouldn't have thought so, Mr.

Herriot, no.

Well, it's my professional opinion.

No, I can vouch for Willie here.

He's a good lad.

I wouldn't hurt my dog.

Then there's no problem if I re-examine him, is there?

COKER: You're needed elsewhere.

Emergency.

What emergency?

Got an injury I need you to look at.

Are we not going to the dog area?

It's Ambrose here-- he's had a nasty fall.

I'm a vet, not a doctor.

Well, we don't have a doctor, Mr.

Herriot.

(moaning) You can patch him up, can't you?

I don't want him getting blood poisoning.

What'd happen to my bar takings, then, Ambrose, eh?

(chuckles) (moans) Yeah, well, get him on that seat there.

Mm-hmm.

(slurring): I'm all right.

Catch him.

MAN: I've got him, I've got him!

Right.

Let's have a look.

(Ambrose grunts) You've knocked a bit of skin off, that's all.

It needs cleaning.

You like whiskey, do you?

Aye, that'll do, aye.

(whiskey pouring, Ambrose groans, kicks) (yelps) AMBROSE: What are you trying to do, kill me?

I bet you don't get this much trouble from the animals.

Here.

(gasping) (brake engages, engine stops) (dog barks) (panting) To what do I owe this honor?

(sighs) I come bearing feeble apologies and flimsy excuses.

You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet.

(chuckles) Mm... Do you want your father running me off the grounds with a pitchfork?

Well, if you'd like me to stop... Oh, how painful can a pitchfork be?

Hang on, what was that about excuses?

Yes, dinner tonight.

There's a small problem-- I say small, it's about that size, name of George.

And why is George getting in the way of our social calendar?

Because he's literally as sick as a parrot, and I'm obliged to watch him.

It was all I could do to get away for half an hour.

Well, if you're stuck at home, I could always come to you.

To, to Skeldale?

That is your home?

Um... (exhales) The parrot and me, we have a special one-to-one relationship.

He might get jealous.

(laughs) I'd like to come.

You've met my family lots of times.

When am I going to meet yours?

Well, you've met Siegfried.

Yes, and if that hasn't put me off, what will?

(chuckles) But the dinner... Since when do I care about a stuffy old dinner?

I thought you'd want them to meet me.

The parrot's actually very infectious.

It's probably not a good idea.

(evenly): I see.

Well, I'll tell the kitchen.

Don't let me keep you from George.

(chuckles) MRS.

HALL: Maggie!

(laughs) And Albert.

(chuckles) Hello!

Hello!

Sorry to bother you.

Um, bit of an odd request.

You don't happen to have a dartboard, do you?

Ooh!

I'm sure Tris mentioned once that he used to play in the kitchen?

Well, you know what?

I think I might just have an idea where it is.

(chuckling) Come on.

It's for a fundraiser at the Drovers.

Women's Voluntary Services.

Score a bullseye, get a prize.

Oh!

(chuckles) You'd think we'd have a board at the pub, wouldn't you?

So, you're, you're doing WVS, are you?

It's still needed.

War's not over.

Not everyone's on their way home.

Any news from Arthur?

All we know is, he's in a camp.

Burma.

Not had a letter in months, and... I'm not entirely sure he was totally honest in it, either.

They say Japan's on the back foot.

I'm sure he'll be home before you know it.

Here we go.

Oh!

You're all set up.

I find it very good for taking out me frustrations.

All right-- mind out, Albert.

MAGGIE: Mrs.

Hall!

Where did you learn to play like that?

Sunderland.

(Maggie gasps) My Edward's Betty likes a game of darts.

She taught me quite well.

Quite well?

Makes Edward mad he can't beat me.

(chuckles) Betty pulls his leg summat rotten.

Aye.

It were good fun, that.

Why don't you come down to the Drovers tonight?

You'll clean up, you will.

Oh!

I would, but... (sighs) (darts landing) Promised Mr.

Farnon a game.

We've a long night of cribbage to look forward to.

Cribbage?

I enjoy it.

I can tell.

Though perhaps I do occasionally wonder if we might expand our horizons.

Just a little bit.

Well, ask him, then.

It's not just about what he wants, is it?

TRISTAN: Pretty boy.

Say, "Pretty boy."

(George whistles) Pretty, pretty boy.

Silly arse.

(groans): Oh, bugger!

(door opens) I told you strict quarantine, and here you are up close.

Well, he's not worsening.

I'm beginning to doubt it is psittacosis.

(squawks) And I've been trying to train him so he's a little more polite while he's staying here with us.

SIEGFRIED: On what are you basing your diagnosis?

No swelling around the eyes, no discharge, and... No, the droppings aren't green.

I thought perhaps it might be diet-related, but I didn't see any potential toxins.

No houseplants or anything he might be nibbling on.

All right.

I think we can assume he's not contagious.

But you'd better continue your observations regardless, until we do know what's wrong with him.

GEORGE (muttering): Silly arse!

(door closes) (whistling) You're not making this easy on either of us, George.

Are you going to behave or not?

(squeaks, clicking) GEORGE: Bugger.

(whistles, murmurs) Bugger.

(Tristan sighs) JAMES: There we are.

No problems, I hope?

Good boy.

Can I just clarify, I am here for the well-being of the dogs?

(laughs): Aye.

Well, it's not for the well-being of my bank balance, I know that.

I should have taken that dog out of the race.

That was my mistake.

But it should've been re-examined.

I'd have thought that was more important than Ambrose's knee.

I'm sure there were naught to worry about.

Isn't that for me to decide?

Mr.

Herriot, it's not Greyhound Derby.

It's a bit of enjoyment, that's all it is.

And God knows we all need that at the moment, don't we?

Yes, but... Now, we wouldn't want to mess that up, would we?

Times is hard for everybody, Mr.

Herriot.

Even a busy vet like yourself, I shouldn't wonder.

I'll let you get on with your work.

(humming) (footsteps approaching) Wait outside, Jimmy, I'm coming.

Wilco.

Off to the woods again.

MRS.

HALL: Well, he'll sleep tonight.

You both will.

See, this is what I don't understand.

Being here is good for the children, it's good for Helen, but James won't have it.

He must have his reasons.

He's plain stubborn is what it is.

Selfish, in fact.

JIMMY: Uncle Siegfried!

Coming!

Seeing as you're run ragged, why don't we leave backwards cribbage tonight?

Maybe go to the Drovers for a change.

I were talking to Maggie, and she fancies a little game of darts.

Darts?

I'm actually quite good.

I spend most of my day inserting needles with varying degrees of accuracy.

I'd rather not do it in my spare time.

No, cribbage it is.

(Jess barks) Not today, Jess.

(door opens and closes) (George whistles sharply) (sighs) (people talking in background) Thank you, Veterinary.

Thank you.

(people talking in background) MAN: All in all, we've had a good day.

MAN 2: Aye.

TOMMY: A little, uh, sweetener for you.

This is for your, uh... Oh, thank you very much.

(talking indistinctly) Thank you very much-- have a good evening.

(calling): Excuse me.

Excuse me!

See you tomorrow, Veterinary.

(George squawking) (door closes) (groans) I've just about had it with that jumped-up pigeon.

(chuckles) I don't suppose you'd watch him while I grab a swift half at the Drovers.

I'm sorry.

I've got calls to make before I go to the dogs.

(groans) If I wasn't parrot-sitting, I'd come with you.

I could use the support.

(door opens and closes) It's not like I don't know the tricks, but it's the first course I've worked at where the management turn a blind eye.

What tricks are these?

Dogs that run like they've had one of your Sunday dinners, Mrs.

H. Ah.

What, they're being slowed down?

Yes, it's called stopping a dog.

Making them lose deliberately so their odds jump up.

I see.

Then the next race, it runs normally and they're quids in?

And who cares about the dog?

Oh, people have a way of putting thoughts like that out of their heads when there's money at stake.

Well, I won't be hoodwinked again.

That goes double for the owner I had trouble with last time.

His dog's running today?

Aye, in the 6:00.

And if he tries the same trick again, he's out.

I don't care what anyone says.

I don't think you should go.

And I think if Helen were here, she'd tell you the same.

I know.

(door opens) But she's not here.

(door closes) SIEGFRIED: The Rover looks like it's had a mud bath.

I'd have thought you'd take better care of it.

I'll wash the car, Siegfried, don't worry.

You never told me how it went at Hensfield.

Went fine.

And you're going back, are you?

I have to go back, don't I?

MRS.

HALL: Perhaps Mr.

Farnon could go with you.

I'm sure you could use the benefit of his experience.

I thought it went fine.

A little help would be very welcome.

I've made my feelings clear-- I don't want to be involved.

You can hardly say I didn't warn you.

Right, thanks so much.

(sighs) Don't you have a bird to attend to?

(door opens and closes) Some fresh tea would be lovely, Mrs.

Hall.

If you have a moment.

(George whistles) Silly arse.

Silly arse.

(sighs): Oh, come on.

I'm the one who let you out of that cage.

(squawks) What is wrong with you?

You're so lucky.

Everyone loves you.

Why do you have to be like this?

(muttering) Silly arse!

(groans) Where did you even learn that?

(chirps) (cooing) Actually... Where did you learn that?

JAMES: Veterinary!

(mutters): Mud bath.

Unbelievable.

BOY: Mister, wouldn't you... Don't even think about touching that car.

Mr.

Coker.

Never heard of him.

I want a room where I can treat the animals if required.

I want to meet the judges and the officials.

Now, listen here... If you want a vet, you get a vet.

(sighs) How's that?

Now, that is a good rabbit!

You see, it's all in the number of ears.

You're becoming quite the artist!

Yes!

(Siegfried chuckles) I wish I lived here all the time.

Yes, well, your father likes being over at the farm for now, so that's the way things are.

It's not my dad.

It's Mum.

She said she's not coming back 'cause you're a shellfish.

Shellfish?

Mm.

What's a shellfish?

(dogs barking in distance) It'll do.

Mr.

Coker?

Key?

(crowd cheering) (crowd cheering) (shouting) (dogs barking, snarling) MAN (on loudspeaker): Attending vet to dog area for inspection for the 6:00 race.

JAMES: Who's this?

Mila.

Mila.

Good girl.

MAN: Thank you.

You'll find no problems.

(softly): Oh, tonight's the night he wins, is it?

Here, boy, that's it.

(Blackpool Rock whimpers) The abdomen is distended.

(stammers) Don't start this again.

The dog's in no fit state to compete.

You can vomit him all you like.

He's swollen.

I strongly suspect that's bloat.

He's out.

(exhales) I'm not having that!

Do you want him to die?

(murmurs) (stammering): He, he has to run.

I won't allow it.

It, it's not up to you!

Willie, I believe what you told me, that dogs are your life.

I know you must be under a lot of pressure to support your family.

You couldn't go back to your old job, am I right?

You can't fight and it makes you feel ashamed.

You can't provide and it makes you feel ashamed.

I get that.

But you talked to me about pride.

Are you proud of this?

Really?

(exhales) It, it were meant to be this one time, I, I swear.

It's too late for that now.

(sighs) He needs treatment.

Every moment you wait puts him more at risk.

(Blackpool Rock whimpers) (exhales) (sighs) Take him.

(sighs) (Blackpool Rock whines) (people talking in background) (dishes clanking, water running) (water stops) Mrs.

Hall, am, am I selfish?

Let's say compromise don't come easy to you.

You know you can lie.

I think you care very much about other people and what they want, mostly when it's the same thing you want.

That's hardly fair.

James asked for your help and you said no.

I said he shouldn't go.

I said it was a terrible idea.

I know what you said.

I don't know you heard him.

What's going on at the track?

I don't think he's looking forward to the 6:00, put it that way.

It's not far off 6:00 now.

Mm.

(door opens) Hold your horses.

(grunts softly) What on earth are you doing?

What I should have done before.

How much scotch have you had?

I'm aware of my limits.

'Cause you're trying to get in on the wrong side.

Right, I'm driving.

What?

No, Mrs.

Hall... Jimmy'll be all right with Tristan.

I absolutely forbid you... Are we going or not?

(Siegfried sighs, engine starts) SIEGFRIED: Now, remember, this is not the Rover.

It needs to be handled with proper... (yelps) SIEGFRIED: You realize the brake is the one in the middle?

MRS.

HALL: I've tried that, it's not working.

SIEGFRIED: What?!

(laughing): I'm joking-- you don't have to look so terrified.

SIEGFRIED: If I'm going to meet my maker, Mrs.

Hall, I want to be in the Rover.

(murmuring) (Blackpool Rock whimpers) (whimpering) Herriot, what you playing at?

I've told you, I don't want you ruining my races.

I know what the game is.

I don't know if you're in on it or you choose not to see.

Either way, I need to get to work.

What's the problem?

TOMMY: Let's be having the dog, Veterinary.

Oi!

(horn honking) SIEGFRIED (groans): Next time you drive, Mrs.

Hall, remind me not to have four double scotches and a pickled egg.

(brakes squeaking) (engine stops) Must be nearly 6:00.

(slurring): No, no, no, you, you stay in the car.

I'll handle things in there.

Oh.

(people talking, dogs barking in background) MAN (on loudspeaker): There'll be a prize-giving in the winners' enclosure in five minutes.

(grunts) I'm not saying you're wrong.

I'm just saying you don't know dogs like these people do.

I know dogs.

But in this case, you've made a mistake.

Easily done.

The dog's ill.

The dog's fine.

It runs.

I'm sure you came into this business because you liked the animals once.

Let's be having the dog.

MAN: Come on, let the dog run!

WOMAN: Yeah, come on!

SIEGFRIED (slurring): I don't want to have to hurt anyone.

Walk away now, and we'll say no more about it.

(door opens) I warn you.

I am fully versed in whippet racing code.

MAN (on loudspeaker): The prize-giving is about to begin in the winners' enclosure.

On your way, then.

Chop-chop.

Go!

Who are you?

You don't know who I am?

You bloody should.

And I'll bloody well tell you why.

Run!

(man grunts) (crowd applauding) Now, then, now, then.

Now welcome to the 12th-anniversary Harry Coker Championships.

(Coker continues in background) (softly): Let me have it.

Split up.

COKER: ...trained by Lincoln Walley.

(crowd exclaims) Well done, well done.

(people talking in background) The posh berk's got the dog!

COKER: All right, shall we all go to the bar?

And I'll tell you what-- drinks are on Graham here.

(crowd cheers) Come on, let's go.

(people talking in background, dog barks) Oh, right-- kids, go take Jimmy and play on t' green.

LUCY: Come on, Jimmy.

BOBBY: Come on.

Hey.

It's not bad news, is it?

We've had the results back from the tests.

It's not psittacosis.

(exhales) Thank goodness.

So he's all right?

Where did you get George, Mrs.

Ainsley?

Oh, he belonged to old Mr.

Walton.

George was his, his pride and joy.

Would I be right in thinking that George may have learnt his fruity language from old Mr.

Walton?

Probably, yes.

Yeah.

Never in front of the children, mind.

He used to let them visit.

That's how we got to know George.

Mr.

Walton could, could get him on his hand.

Mm, brave man.

(chuckles) He died, sadly.

So we took George in.

I mean, we're glad we did, but... But he's not a happy soul.

(sighs) Is he?

(sighs) Right, thank you, Mrs.

Ainsley.

(people talking in background) He's hiding somewhere.

Where is he?

(yells): There!

(moaning) (yelps) Ow!

(slurring): Sorry.

Ah!

(laughs) (groans) (yelping): My knee!

(moans) Are we kidnapping a dog?

Looks like it.

Excellent!

Start the car, Mrs.

Hall!

What about the Rover?

We'll come back for the bloody Rover-- get in!

(grunts) Get off!

(murmuring drunkenly) (car door closes, engine starts) What are you doing here?

Drive!

TOMMY: Get it!

Get the dog!

JAMES: They're after us!

Go!

Go!

(horn honking) Shut the gates!

Run!

SIEGFRIED: I think he's going for the gate!

JAMES: Step on it, Mrs.

H!

Tell you what-- beats backwards cribbage!

Shut the gates!

Did I mention we won't be able to pay you this week?

Who cares?!

(all laughing) Don't you dare tell Siegfried where I hide that.

I know you think I don't understand.

But I do.

(muttering) Parrots are social animals.

You've been abandoned twice, haven't you, Georgie?

(whistles) First, you lost your flock, and then you lost your human.

That's the absolute worst thing to happen to a parrot, I reckon.

Twice.

(blows out) Silly arse.

Ah, there we go, a funny.

Maybe that'll stop people seeing you pulling out your feathers-- no, it won't wash with me.

I, um... I lost my flock, too.

Quite a lot, actually.

Sometimes right in front of me.

So I do know how it feels.

It feels like your heart died with them.

(sniffles) (sighs) (clicks) JAMES: Shh, shh, shh.

(Blackpool Rock whimpering) Easy.

He's deteriorating rapidly.

He's gone into shock.

SIEGFRIED: What?

He's had a gastric dilation.

MRS.

HALL: What does that mean?

JAMES: The stomach's swelled, blocking the blood supply.

Stop the car, now.

We need a stomach tube.

(engine stops) My bag, I've left my bag!

Must be something in the car.

Hurry, Siegfried, I need to deflate it right away!

It's all right, lad, it's all right.

Uh, there's this?

Should do the trick.

(grunts softly) (air hissing) (air slows, James sighs) There you go-- easy.

(air stops) (Blackpool Rock whimpers) Whew.

Is he all right?

Once we get him back to Skeldale, he might have a chance.

Let's go!

(engine starts) Ow!

What the hell are you using, bloody vinegar?

Will you sit still?

I've been thinking, Mrs.

Hall.

If you wanted to go to the Drovers for an evening of darts... ...I'd be happy to join you.

I'll tell Maggie tomorrow.

Yes, I'd like to keep the eye, if at all possible.

Oh, shush.

JIMMY: Uncle Siegfried, what's this one?

Uh, um... Is it badger?

Um... (footsteps approaching) How's he doing?

He's had a gastric lavage, poor thing.

But he's a tough old customer.

Probably in better shape than us, frankly.

I could have handled that young upstart.

I must have told you I was AVC middleweight runner-up 1918.

Isn't runner-up losing?

That's another way of putting it.

You were right about Hensfield, Siegfried.

You wonder how many other dogs this is happening to.

You can't help them all.

But you did right by that one.

(inhales) They don't ask for much, do they?

Loyal, dependable.

Willing to fight for their pack if required.

When a human betrays that trust, it's heartbreaking.

It makes you want to wring their neck.

I hope the man in question can change.

I'm sure he will.

I'm going to write to Helen.

I want to apologize for my behavior.

I'm mortified to think I might've made her uncomfortable here.

There were a lot of reasons Helen needed to be at home.

I still think of this as her home.

I hope one day she might, too.

(birds chirping) (George muttering) Is he better now?

(squawking) The good news is, I don't think there is anything physically wrong with him.

(Mrs.

Ainsley exclaims) That's such a relief.

It's been so quiet round here without him, hasn't it?

Now, I could put a collar on him to help with the feather plucking, but usually, the bird starts again after it's been removed.

I would say your best bet is to just try and help him feel safe and relaxed.

What's the bad news?

Well... George has been through a lot.

Truth is, it's going to take him some time to learn to love people again.

No matter how much you love him.

But we can keep trying, hm?

Yeah.

GEORGE: Silly arse.

(all laugh) Bugger!

(softly): What?

That's a new one.

(murmurs) Has the parrot given you half an hour off?

The parrot's gone home, I'm glad to say.

Mm.

But before he left, he told me that I was being a foolish person.

I would very much like you to meet my family.

Or rather, I would very much like them to meet you.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

(chuckles) (people talking in background) (sobbing) ALBERT: Oh, Mummy.

(sighs) (sobbing) Jimmy, armchair.

Well, I have seen it all now.

I don't know what's so remarkable.

It's a partnership.

Although one partner has the handwriting of a five-year-old.

Is that a nine?

Uh, yes.

Look!

Very good, Jimmy.

Jimmy, that's an important document.

Is everything all right, Mrs.

Hall?

(door closes) TRISTAN: Right.

I want you all on your best behavior, please.

Everybody, this is Charlotte-- Charlotte, everybody.

Hello, everybody.

SIEGFRIED: How wonderful to have you here-- come in, come in.

Sit on the receipts, it doesn't matter!

How do you do, Harriet?

No, wait, Harriet's Mondays.

Which one is this?

Jim!

I'm joking!

I'm kidding.

Can you make paper planes?

Oh, I make fantastic paper planes.

Sit there, Charlotte.

Okay!

I'm going here.

Like this one, Jimmy?

Not like that one, I hope!

That was an appalling paper plane.

Oh, oh, that was much better.

JAMES: Don't get me!

Yes, get Dad, good idea!

Get Uncle Tris!

CHARLOTTE (laughing): No!

(all laughing) SIEGFRIED: A little pocket money if you can hit your father.

JAMES: Get Uncle Tris!

(yelps) Stop it!

(all laughing) LADY CARTERET: To be seen in the company of the illustrious Forsytes.

Who wouldn't leap at the chance?

(clinking) This is our moment.

A golden opportunity.

SOAMES: They might speed you on your way to the fulfillment of your desires.

IRENE: To love and be loved, to trust and be trusted, to dance.

(Ann chuckles) It will be a dance.

(both chuckle) JAMES: You haven't just got Sherlock Holmes to investigate today?

Watson, ready for duty!

CHARLOTTE: Awfully soon, your leave will be over.

I would prefer to focus on the here and now.

MAN (on radio): The prime minister will address the nation... Get up!

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