All Creatures Great and Small

SIEGFRIED: Richard has exams coming.

Which I hope won't be an inconvenience, now James has returned.

Not at all-- timing couldn't be better.

You're a quick learner, Mrs. Hall.

Tristan's latest adventures from Cairo.

He's landed on his feet.

Jimmy-- I forgot him!

JAMES: I let you both down.

No, you haven't.

I've made plenty of mistakes of me own.

HELEN: Reckon we'll just have to accept the chaos.

ALL: Things that never change!

(birds chirping, wildlife chittering) (grunting) (exhales) (exhales, murmurs) (engine sputtering) (engine sputtering) (engine starts) Sounds like the carburetor.

(gasps) (engine stops) Yes, I'm aware of that.

She's not cooperating.

Try again tomorrow.

(softly): Can you, um, give this to Audrey for me?

Is there any message?

She'll know what it's for.

(door opens) (door closes) Maggie asked me to give you this.

Oh!

Thank you.

Aren't you going to open it?

I'll do it later.

Ingredients are thin on the ground, and I've a christening cake wants icing.

Is Mr. Bosworth aware of these clandestine dealings?

I can assure you everything is strictly above board.

I've just called in a favor, that's all.

Someone's traipsed mud all through the hallway.

I've swept it twice today already.

Here, let me do it.

You've got a cake to make.

I might retire to my office before someone tidies me away.

(door closes) I'll be working on my speech if anyone needs me.

Speech?

(inhales) Oh, are your parents not with you?

They're just getting settled at the B and B, and then I'll bring them over.

Ah.

You don't see me going to all this trouble for your dad, do you?

Oh, that's different.

I hardly ever see 'em.

I'm just the girl that dragged you away from Glasgow.

Corrupted me.

Lured me to the dark side.

(chuckles) I bet they're excited to see you.

They're not interested in me.

It's you and Jimmy they've come to see.

(Jimmy crying) Oh, talk of his lordship.

Did you tell Siegfried he could write a speech?

Said it was part of his godparent duties.

I'll talk to him.

And say what?

Tell him to keep it brief.

It's Siegfried we're talking about.

(phone ringing) SIEGFRIED: Carmody!

Carmod... (phone continues) He's still not back from his exams.

Yes, yes.

Darrowby 2297.

Mr. Biggins.

How's that nanny goat doing?

Really?

We should have seen a marked improvement by now.

Yes, I understand.

I'll be with you as soon as I can.

Problem?

Bad case of lumpy jaw.

He's had me up there twice already.

You'll have to go for me, I'm afraid.

Why?

Because I'm likely to end up doing a stretch in Wormwood Scrubs if I have to spend another second in that man's company.

If it was any other time, Siegfried, but with my parents... Well, that's a convenient excuse, don't you think?

Everything all right?

Biggins.

Has he mentioned the gates yet?

SIEGFRIED: You know he's got seven gates?

Seven.

One after each of the deadly sins, no doubt.

He's run me ragged with his constant vacillations, but not this time.

I, I meant to ask... How are you getting along with the speech for the christening?

Oh, I'm rather pleased with it, actually.

And how long is it, exactly?

This is the beginning of Jimmy's spiritual journey, James.

I take my role as godparent very seriously.

MRS. HALL: As do I.

But I shan't be doing a speech.

And for that, we'll be eternally grateful.

Right.

I should fetch my parents.

They're champing at the bit to see Jimmy.

(sheep bleating) (grunting) Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

(engine idling) (dogs barking) That's him changed and ready to meet his granny and granddad.

Don't you look smart, eh?

Yeah.

He won't stay that way for long.

(both chuckle) (doorbell rings) Oh.

Oh!

I'll get it.

(dog barks) Following me around isn't going to get you fed any sooner.

(people talking in background) Can I help you?

Telegram for Mr. Farnon.

Uh, Mr. Farnon?

HELEN: Is that them?

No, you're all right.

(sheep bleating) (chain rattling) (exclaiming in pain) (inhales sharply) (gate latches) You want to get that carburetor seen to.

I see you still haven't got round to fixing that gate.

Helps keep undesirables out.

As opposed to keeping them in?

Huh?

(gate closes) I think you'd better take me straight to your goat, Mr. Biggins.

Does this mean I'll get my money back, on account of you misdiagnosing, like?

I'm perfectly confident in my diagnosis.

Funny how it always ends up with me having to part with me hard-earned cash.

(sighs) (horse snuffles) (bleats) (softly): All right.

All right, all right.

(bleats) Are you absolutely sure you administered the sulfanilamide as prescribed?

Aye, exactly as you said.

Then we'll need to increase the dose.

Sounds expensive.

Would you get us some fresh straw, please?

She'll need somewhere comfortable to sleep.

(horse snuffles) (muttering) Don't worry, old thing.

(snorts softly) We'll soon have you grazing again.

HANNAH: There they are!

Aw!

(laughs) Come and give your granny a big hug.

(Jimmy babbling) Oh!

It's lovely to see you both.

Oh!

He's gotten so big since we last saw him.

Aye, he's a bonny wee thing.

He's a bit grizzly tonight.

(Jimmy fusses) Teething, I bet.

HANNAH: Oh, it's too early for that.

He'll be wanting a feed, poor mite.

Well, if I give him any more milk, he'll burst.

(Herriot chuckling) Eh?

HANNAH: Nonsense, he's a growing boy.

(Jimmy cooing) He's like you, son-- he's got a big appetite.

Does your mummy not feed you?

(Jimmy babbles) Oh, perfect timing, Mrs. H. Mr. and Mrs. Herriot.

I trust you had a pleasant journey?

Aye, no complaints.

(Jimmy cooing) HELEN: Do you need a hand?

What time is the christening tomorrow?

Midday.

HANNAH: Oh, I can't wait!

(softly): Is everything all right, Audrey?

Course.

The scones are fresh out the oven.

Tea?

Yes, please.

(Jimmy babbling) Oh, these look lovely.

That's very tasty.

(Herriot chuckling) You want to hold onto this one, son.

Oh, I can't take the credit, I'm afraid.

It's all Audrey's handiwork.

The flowers are all down to Helen.

Picked them fresh for you this morning.

(whispers playfully) (animals braying, bleating) What's that, then?

Stimulant injection.

Might give her the boost she needs.

Nay, nay, she just needs some iodine.

We've been through this, Mr. Biggins.

Iodine is of no use to your goat.

Yeah, you and your new-fangled powders.

Some kind of commission, are you?

I wouldn't be a competent veterinary surgeon if I prescribed something as antiquated as iodine.

Expensive things, them injections.

How much is that going to cost me?

I honestly don't know.

Oh, you'll know, all right, when you get pen in your hand, send me that big bill, won't you?

(softly): All right, all right.

(bleats sharply) SIEGFRIED: There we are.

(bleating) Right, all we can do now is pray.

Gonna charge me for that, as well?

Take this, and if it doesn't work, I won't charge you.

How does that sound?

Aye, I suppose.

Now, perhaps you'd be so good as to help me with the gate.

You're joking, aren't you?

Bloody thing's a death trap.

HANNAH: My mother swore blind by Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.

Later proven to contain dangerous levels of morphine.

(chuckles) (Jimmy fusses) Oh.

One last kiss from Granny before we go.

He's looking tired.

HELEN: Oh, don't let that face fool you.

He'll have us up for the early hours.

Routine's the key.

James used to go down like clockwork.

Not so much as a peep out of him until morning.

HERRIOT: Don't listen to her.

Had a set of lungs on him that could wake the dead.

(Helen laughs) Why don't you come round after breakfast?

We'll take Jimmy for a walk round Darrowby.

Ah, we'd like that.

Good night, son.

HELEN: Good night.

(Jimmy babbles) See you tomorrow.

Night.

Night.

(door closes) That wasn't so bad, was it?

(chuckles) (door bursts open) (door closes) (breathes audibly) How were Mr. Biggins?

Insufferable, as ever.

All I want to do is pour myself a whisky and lie in a hot bath.

Mr. Farnon... Are we still playing host to the Scottish contingent?

A telegram arrived.

It's addressed to you.

(breathes deeply) I see.

James and Helen are putting Jimmy to bed, so you won't be disturbed.

Thank you, Mrs. Hall.

(breathes deeply) (door opens) He's coming home.

(whimpers) What does it say?

"Home tomorrow."

Mm.

Is that it?

Well, Tristan's never been one for detail.

Why is he back?

Your guess is as good as mine.

(rooster crowing) SIEGFRIED: If you're looking for hidden meaning, I wouldn't bother.

MRS. HALL: I've checked the train timetable.

There's only that one connection from London he could be on today.

Right.

(music playing softly) It's got to be a good sign if he was able to send it himself.

Yes, I suppose so.

Perhaps he's just got a few days' leave.

From Cairo?

Well, it's just like Tris to show up as we're about to throw a party.

(others chuckle) Well, I hope you're right.

Don't imagine you got much sleep.

It was a fretful night.

Well, try not to assume the worst.

That's easier said than done.

It was the same when he was a child.

Falling out of trees, riding his bicycle without brakes.

Never a thought for his own safety.

He's resilient.

Always has been.

Where are my blasted... Oh, thank you.

Would you like me to come with you?

I, I think it best I do this by myself.

I will never utter a cross word to that boy again if he comes home in one piece.

(engine grinds) Oh, not today.

Not today!

(engine grinds) (inhales deeply) (engine starts) (gear shifts) (chuckles) (inhales, murmurs) (chuckles) It's Tris's favorite.

(whines) (chuckles) Yes, I'm excited, too.

(whines) (chuckles) (engine rattling) SIEGFRIED: Come on!

(train approaching) (engine rattling) SIEGFRIED: Not now!

Come on!

(brakes squealing) (engine rattling, wheezing) (brakes squeal, hiss) (brake engages) (conductor's whistle blows) (engine starts) (train whistle blows) (sighs) To be early is to be on time.

To be on time is to be late.

Late.

And to be late is unacceptable.

You drummed that into me enough times.

Aren't you going to say something?

(chuckles) (dog barking) (barks) Can I help you?

Oh!

I, I'm sorry, I didn't realize the surgery was closed today.

Oh, I'm sure my son can help you.

He's a partner here.

James Herriot, MRCVS.

Graduated top of his class at Glasgow University.

Oh, I don't like to interrupt him.

Oh, nonsense, he'll be glad to help.

Shall we?

(dog barks) (coos) (knock at door) Oh!

Just don't talk to them about football.

Or Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.

(chuckles) (babbles) (door opens) Morning-- we're almost ready to go.

Morning!

James.

(door closes) Making friends, I see?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Herriot.

Your mother insisted.

The animals always come first.

Isn't that right, James?

(stammers): Indeed it is.

Do you mind?

(Jimmy babbling) I'll have to catch you up.

No, course not.

How about we start at the victory garden?

Great-- you can give me some tips for my radishes.

(both chuckling) (chuckles) See you later, then.

(whispering): Sorry.

(door opens) And who do we have here, then?

This is Lucy.

(door closes) Ah.

She's a fine-looking dog.

Hey?

(Lucy panting) Yes.

Yeah.

What, what seems to be the problem?

She's obsessed with Emmeline.

Emmeline?

(sighs): It's got to the point where she won't leave home without her.

(Lucy barking, growling) (barks) This is what she does.

(growling) Well, let's, um, let's get her inside.

See if we can't get to the bottom of it.

Oh, um...

Okay.

All right.

(chuckles) Still driving the old dame, I see.

Yeah, she's getting a bit temperamental.

I almost didn't make it.

I think it's the carburetor.

Oh, we'll soon fix that.

No, it's all right, I can do it.

Wouldn't want you ruining your suit now, would we?

Since when do you know about engines?

A lot's changed in 18 months-- I need a handkerchief.

Well, your telegram wasn't exactly brimming with information.

All sorts of scenarios running through my head.

I've been redeployed.

To where?

Doncaster.

They've got me doing some training at the Veterinary Corps HQ.

Yes, I rather feared they'd thrown you in the deep end.

I think you'll find that I'm the one in charge of the training this time.

Did you think I'd been sent home in disgrace?

No, I just... (chuckling): Turn her over for me.

(engine starts smoothly) Purring like a kitten.

(door opens) (door closes) (footsteps approaching) Is that you, Mr. Farnon?

Which one were you looking for?

Get over here.

(bags drop) I've been saving this up since Cairo.

(laughing, sniffling) (sniffs): And everything's intact?

No bones broken?

Not a hair out of place.

SIEGFRIED: Well, go on.

Tell her about your promotion!

He's only been put in charge of training new veterinary recruits in Doncaster.

TRISTAN: It's just lecturing, not all the training.

You know me, Mrs. H. Never one to boast about my achievements.

Is that for me?

Just a little treat I've been saving for you.

Oh, life doesn't get any better.

Oh, is Jim here?

Uh, I think so.

(Lucy barking) (calling): James Herriot, get out here!

James!

(Lucy panting) MRS. HANLEY: I've tried confiscating it, but she went and took a chunk out of my hand.

And that's the first time she's ever turned like that.

Well, that won't do at all.

(growling) Oh, see?

That's what she does.

Well, you're lucky she didn't try and nip you, too.

TRISTAN: James Herriot, get out here!

I think... (Lucy grumbling) I think what we have here is a case of over-stimulation.

Is it serious?

No, it's nothing to worry about.

Um, while toys can be great for dogs, sometimes they can form unhealthy attachments.

So, what do you suggest?

Well, I think, um, a period of enforced separation might be in order.

MRS. HANLEY: Well, she won't like that at all.

(barks) Don't worry.

(whines) Emmeline's just going on a little adventure.

Keep her distracted with plenty of walks, maybe the odd treat or two.

(Lucy barks) Pop back in a couple of days, and we'll see how she's getting on.

Yes, I will do.

Thank you, Mr. Herriot.

Mind how you go, Lucy.

Oh!

(chuckles) (door opens) JAMES: Cheerio!

MRS. HANLEY: Thank you!

What's all this I hear about Jimmy stealing my thunder?

What's all this growing on your top lip?

(both laughing) (sighs): When I left, you could barely tie your own laces.

Now look at you-- proper grown-up, with a baby.

I can hardly believe it myself.

So, where is the little man?

Oh, he's out with Helen and my parents.

You'll meet him soon.

I've got to say, it's awfully decent of the chap.

To throw a christening party in my honor.

Impeccable timing, as ever.

(both laugh) So... How are you?

Exhausted.

Never met so many hardened drinkers in all my life.

(laughs) Are you back for good?

No, I'm in Doncaster three days a week till I'm redeployed.

Well, it's still Yorkshire.

Just.

(both laugh) The rest of the time is my own.

I'm a man of leisure.

SIEGFRIED: Excellent.

We could do with another pair of hands.

Last time I checked, I actually don't work for you anymore.

Yes, quite right-- my mistake.

JAMES: Let me grab these for you.

TRISTAN: Yes, good.

You can fill me in on what's been happening around here.

It's exactly as you left it.

With the addition of wee Jimmy, of course.

Oh, well, that's not good enough.

I want salacious scandal, come on!

(laughs) So what did they have you doing out there?

Field support, mainly.

Making sure the animals were fit for duty.

Horses, mules, the odd camel.

The unsung heroes, eh?

(sighs) Oh.

(Hamish snoring) It would appear we have an interloper.

JAMES: That's Hamish.

With very questionable taste in bow ties.

That would be Carmody.

He's in London finishing off his final exams.

Be back in a week or two.

The pretender to my throne.

I can't wait to meet him.

(chuckles): Did Siegfried not mention him in his letters?

No, he told me he'd hired a new assistant.

He neglected to tell me he was now sleeping in my bed.

SIEGFRIED (from downstairs): Tristan!

There's someone who wants to meet you.

I think he was just grateful for the distraction.

He's missed you.

We all have.

I'll leave you to it, shall I?

(snores) How was the walk?

Oh, we'd a smashing time.

Fresh air's the key!

He loved having his pram pushed by his granny.

Didn't you, hey?

And the victory garden?

HERRIOT: Ah, lovely.

It's a wonder how she finds the time, with wee Jimmy to care for.

Where were you?

Well, I got caught up in something here.

I don't believe it.

(Tristan chuckles) This isn't a mirage, Helen, really is me.

Older, wiser, more handsome than ever.

(all chuckling) Mr. and Mrs. Herriot.

You're looking younger by the day.

(chuckles): It's lovely to see you.

Aye, back where you belong.

(Jimmy babbles) And this is young Jimmy, I take it.

He's excited to meet his Uncle Tristan.

Uh, may I?

(Jimmy babbling) (gasps): Hey!

Hello!

(smacks lips, blows through lips) Are you waiting for him to reply?

(chuckles): No.

I'm just trying to work out who he looks like.

Well, he's a handsome young thing, so I'm guessing he's got his mother's genes.

(chuckles) I'm sorry to break up the party, but we're due at the church soon.

(gasps): Is it that time already?

I need to get Jimmy in his gown.

Oh, don't you worry-- we'll keep the vicar talking.

SIEGFRIED: Are you sure you're not too tired from your journey?

What, and miss you renounce the devil?

Not a chance.

(door opens) Sacred occasion, Tristan.

That doesn't mean we can't have a bit of fun.

(door closes) Shall we?

(bells ringing) Dearly beloved, ye have brought the child here today to be baptized that our Lord Jesus Christ would receive him and release him from sin, to sanctify him with the Holy Ghost, to give him the Kingdom of Heaven and everlasting life.

Now, can I please ask the family to gather at the font?

(organ playing) (Jimmy fussing) Yes-- yes.

Did they throw you out?

It was quite the scandal.

And how many times did you fall in love?

Oh, just once-- Laila.

My Arabian camel.

She was exotic, feisty.

She did have the tendency to get the hump, though.

(Jenny giggles) Tristan.

Sorry, Vicar.

Could I ask the godparents to step forward?

Do thou, in the name of this child, renounce the devil and all of his works?

I renounce them all.

I renounce them all.

VICAR: Will you then obediently keep God's holy will and the commandments, and walk in the same all the days of thy life?

I will, by God's help.

I will, by God's help.

VICAR: Would one of the godparents take Jimmy?

(softly): Yes.

(both murmuring) (Jimmy fusses) Hello.

Mm!

VICAR: Almighty, ever-living God, sanctify this water to the mystical washing away of sin.

Grant that this child receives the fullness of thy grace through Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.

OTHERS: Amen.

Would you please name the child?

James Alexander.

VICAR: Right, young man, it's your turn.

(Jimmy fussing) Is he good with water?

Only if there's ducks.

I baptize thee in the name of the Father... (Jimmy cries) ...the Son, and the Holy Ghost, amen.

OTHERS: Amen.

(chuckling) (birds chirping) Oh, it's good to have everyone back together again.

(chuckles) How's Edward getting on?

He's still on the Repulse.

Hm.

On his way to Norway.

Although it's been a fair few weeks since I heard from him, so... Well, I shouldn't worry.

If he has half the fortitude of his mother, he'll have sunk the entire German fleet.

(laughs) You're not in any hurry, are you?

She'll be chewing his ear off for the next hour.

(Helen chuckles) JAMES: Oh, we've got all the time in the world.

(Hannah talking excitedly) I wonder how many times we'll be back at that font.

Don't count your chickens.

Come on.

There's going to be at least five or six more?

This is a conversation you'll have to have with the next Mrs. Herriot.

I've thought it all through.

My parents, they can come and live with us and help out.

(both laugh) She means well.

I know she does.

You just need to find some common ground, that's all.

Hm.

I think we probably ought to head back.

We'll be right there.

All right.

(brake releases, Jimmy babbles) Come along!

SIEGFRIED: Well, I thought that went rather well.

Mrs. Hall will need some time to prepare the lunch, and then we can move on to the speeches.

There's more than one?

I was talking figuratively, James.

Hang on, hang on.

Isn't it customary to wet the baby's head?

That's the night the baby's born, not just after the christening.

Well, I missed the birth on account of me fighting for my country.

I don't think it's appropriate, not today.

Don't you want to buy your brother a pint?

He's been away, fighting in war!

Of course I do.

But there's a schedule to stick to.

MRS. HALL: Another hour idn't going to hurt.

I'll have lunch ready for when you get back.

TRISTAN: Right, that's settled then-- James, you coming for one?

One.

Mum will want to get back to the house-- another time.

You go with Tristan-- I'll take your mum back.

That's very kind of you.

Are you sure?

Just don't let him lead you astray.

I'll be an hour, tops.

I'm so sorry, Helen.

I'm sure Tristan didn't mean to commandeer your day.

Right, let's make a start on this spread.

Actually, I'd rather go with James and Tristan.

I'm almost an adult.

Can do what I like.

A girl that age shouldn't be in a bar.

Absolutely not.

JAMES: Tris, what are you having?

Oh, put your money away, James, this round's on me.

Uh, five pints of your finest, please, barmaid.

(Jenny clears throat) Oh, uh, make that six.

Look at what the cat's dragged in.

Egypt's finest export.

I see the war's done nothing to dampen your spirits.

How have you been?

Surviving, just about.

Any word from Arthur?

They've got him stationed out in North Africa.

Libya, I think it was.

Mm.

Well, it's a shame our paths never crossed.

We could've pined together over... Darrowby.

JAMES (softly): Enemy sighted at 3:00.

(people talking in background) Is that Biggins?

SIEGFRIED: He's like the grim reaper.

Lurking round every corner.

You've only got yourself to blame.

You should have stopped taking that old rascal's business years ago.

ALDERSON: Now, then.

Where is it you were stationed?

Cairo, weren't it?

TRISTAN: Indeed.

Yeah, it was the scene of much heartbreak for many of us.

Aye.

Lost a lot of men?

I'm talking about the women.

HERRIOT: It can't have been easy, though.

Working in that heat.

It was exhausting, yeah.

Deadly, at times.

How did you get through it?

The Cairo Caf, mainly-- sometimes the Turf Club, depending on, you know, my mood.

Come on, you must have seen some hardship out there.

You know me, James.

Never one to let a little bloodshed get me down.

That'll be six shillings exactly.

Tristan?

Would you mind?

I've left my wallet in my other trousers.

(all laughing) (coins jingling) There you go.

Can I help at all?

Oh, no, you're all right-- we're nearly done now.

Well, that was a lovely service.

Oh, thank you.

Jimmy enjoyed it.

Do you want a brew?

Oh, no, no, you carry on as you are.

I'm happy just sitting here.

So this is where you eat all your meals?

Most of the time, yes.

HANNAH: That makes sense.

You don't want to stay cooped up in that cramped attic.

(Jimmy crying) Oh!

Jimmy's awake.

Oh, shall I get him?

Don't worry, I'll go.

(Jimmy crying) Hello!

Yes-- yes!

Where should I put these?

Oh, on the table's fine.

(scratching at door) Did you hear that?

(scratching continues) Sounded like scratching.

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

Did you?

(Jimmy babbling) Did you?

(door opens) (Lucy barking) HANNAH: Ooh, what are you doing here on your own?

(door closes) Oh, I need some help here!

Oh!

Oof!

(struggling) (laughing) (Lucy barks) Clawing at the door, she was.

TRISTAN: Her name was Rosa.

She was a Canadian, stationed at the field hospital.

ALDERSON: She were a looker?

Oh, we're talking Betty Grable here.

Legs that went on mi...

Thank you.

HERRIOT: What happened to her?

Her heart lay with another.

Royal Engineer from Cleethorpes.

God's sake, it's hardly "A Farewell to Arms."

(chuckles) Just out of interest, did you do any work over there, Tristan?

Uh... (coughs) Excellent question.

I did my fair share.

There was the capture of Sidi Barrani, for one.

ALDERSON: Oh, aye?

Big lad, was he?

(Tristan chuckles) It's on the Egypt-Libya border.

You were part of that campaign?

A small part, yes.

How, exactly?

Because, from what I can gather, you spent your time drifting from one bar to another.

A lot's changed since your day, Siegfried.

Is that so?

You lot relied on tin hats and blind faith.

Nowadays, we prefer a more strategic approach.

Isn't that right, James?

Absolutely.

I'll think you'll find... Do you know what?

Forget it.

If you'll excuse me, I need some air.

Mr. Biggins.

How's your goat?

Any improvement?

Well, she's gotten worse, if anything.

I'll be wanting me money back on that prescription of yours.

SIEGFRIED: Are you sure you're administering it correctly?

BIGGINS: You saying I can't make out instructions, is that it?

I'm saying no such thing.

I just don't understand why it hasn't taken effect.

Because the stuff you gave me is bloody useless.

You hear this, Alderson?

Veterinary's only been after trying to palm me off with some fake powders.

TRISTAN: Uh, fake powder sounds like my domain.

How can I be of assistance, Mr. Biggins?

(warningly): Everything's under control.

He's just slandered your name in a pub full of paying customers.

BIGGINS: No, it's Peg I feel sorry for.

Treating her like some kind of experiment.

Right, that's it!

I insist on having another look.

Hang on a minute.

No, it's no trouble at all.

Wait for me.

What are you doing?

Coming with you.

Oh, there's really no need.

What're you talking about?

He's besmirching our good name.

James, will you pass on my apologies to Mrs. Hall?

Aye, of course.

Thank you.

(exhales) (sets mug down firmly) TRISTAN: You know, I encountered my fair share of goats in Egypt.

There's a particular knack with them.

I could give you some pointers.

(engine revs) (Hannah exclaiming) She won't keep still.

Why did she come back here?

I don't know, but she's after something.

(barks) Oh!

(barks, whimpers) (barking, whimpering) HELEN: What is it?

What're you looking for, eh?

Is she after food?

(barks) I don't think so.

(barks) (barks) (barks) (panting) What?

(Lucy growling) (drawer closes) (Lucy barks) It's not this, is it?

(barking) (whimpers) (growling) All this over a toy!

What are the symptoms?

Weight loss, difficulty eating, salivating.

Mm.

Come on, let's have a little look at you.

Oh, yes.

She has nodules in the jaw.

Swelling around the neck and face.

Has to be actinomycosis.

In English.

Lumpy jaw, Mr. Biggins.

Which was my original diagnosis.

Can I see the prescription I gave you yesterday?

What for?

Because I can't believe you've administered it correctly.

You calling me a liar?

He was merely asking for confirmation, Mr. Biggins.

All I want is my money back from those dodgy powders of yours.

TRISTAN: You know, you should count yourself lucky we're not in Egypt.

They'd have just slapped on some iodine and hoped for the best.

No, no, thankfully, we're a little more advanced in our way of thinking here.

The bare-faced cheek of it.

Sorry?

You!

Making out I don't know what's best for me animals.

Look, all I'm saying is...

I think you've said more than enough already, don't you?

Could my brother use your stove to make up a warm compress?

It might help reduce Peg's swelling.

Aye, I suppose.

Thank you.

Now, where were we?

You.

Slandering my good name.

Yes.

(sighs) (birds chirping) James told me stories about your dog.

It's Don, idn't it?

Aye.

James tears up every time he's mentioned.

(both chuckle) You know he still waits at the door for James to come home?

Aw.

We both do.

(chuckles) She's treating that toy like it's her baby.

Mm, I remember that feeling.

(breathes deeply) You never want to let go.

(exhales) Gives me a pain in me chest just thinking about it.

You're doing a wonderful job.

You know that, don't you?

What is it?

I think her teats might be swollen.

JAMES: Helen?

(door closes) (calling): We're in here.

What's Lucy doing here?

We found her scratching at the door.

(growls) Turns out she left summat behind.

Emmeline?

I think it's more than just a toy to her, James.

I think it might be a phantom pregnancy.

(snuffling) (birds chirping, sheep bleating) (sighs) (exhales) You sly old fox.

(exhales) Helen's right.

Her mammary glands are definitely swollen.

So it is a phantom pregnancy?

Ooh, I'm impressed.

(chuckles) They get the idea they're going to have pups after they've been in season.

And some even get a swelling in the abdomen.

Aw, so she just wanted to be with her pup.

I can't believe you tried to take her baby, James.

Well, uh, she was being aggressive.

I did it for her own safety.

You locked her away in a drawer.

Maybe we shouldn't be too hard on the boy.

Perhaps it's something only a mother can understand.

(Lucy whines) (sheep bleating) Where's Biggins?

Tormenting one of his farm hands, probably.

What happened to the compress?

I got a little distracted.

I can't believe he lied to my face.

Just to worm his way out of paying.

I think maybe it's time we give him a taste of his own medicine, don't you think?

Oh, I hope you're not charging me by the hour, Farnon.

Yeah, I was just saying to my brother, Mr. Biggins, all this talk of Egypt, it's got me thinking.

Do you mind if I check one more thing?

Aye, I suppose.

(inhales) Right, come here.

Let's have a look at you.

(bleats) Yep.

Just as I suspected.

(sighs) Nile fever.

Ah!

Nile what?

Fever.

It's mainly prevalent in North Africa.

I'm fairly certain your goat has it.

Mm.

Well, how?

She's never been to Africa.

Spittle.

Yes, mm.

Come again?

On the back of a postage stamp, no doubt.

You're winding me up.

SIEGFRIED: Your son's in the Army, isn't he?

Yeah, Royal Tank Regiment.

Oh, well, that explains it-- it's airborne, you see.

Airborne.

I'm meant to believe that African spittle is killing my goat?

(laughs): No, no, she's not dying.

(laughing): No, no!

Far from it.

A simple injection should sort her out-- Siegfried?

I must say, it's a good job you've been using our medicine.

How d'you mean?

TRISTAN: Well, if not, the injection can cause serious, serious consequences for the animal.

(stammering): You mean it could kill her?

Oh, within seconds-- but you've nothing to worry about.

She's had the sulfanilamide.

Oh, nay, nay, there's been a misunderstanding!

What sort of misunderstanding?

Well, I, I just...

I just don't think she's been getting enough of the stuff.

Maybe I need to increase the dosage.

I always find it easier to administer if you take it out of the packet.

You know, if I were you, I would have blown my top a long time ago.

I'm trying to be a better person.

More tolerant.

I think I miss the old Siegfried.

(chuckles) Why have we stopped?

I need you to open the gate.

Oh.

(chain rattling) (birds calling) (animals bleating and chittering) He must've fixed it.

Ow!

Bugger!

Need some help?

(exhales) (straining): No, thank you, I'm fine.

I'll be in the car.

Are you sure you've got everything?

Anyone would think he was trying to get rid of us.

(Helen chuckles) Did Mrs. Hall give you some cake?

Enough to see us through till winter.

One last cuddle for your granny before we go.

(Jimmy cooing, bus approaching) Goodbye, son.

JAMES: I'll call you soon.

Every Sunday without fail.

JAMES: Why do I feel like I'm being ganged up on here?

HERRIOT: Get used to it.

(chuckles) (laughs) (both laughing) You two seem to be getting on famously now.

Maybe we could invite them to stay for the summer.

Let's not get carried away.

(laughs) (knock at door) SIEGFRIED: James?

Helen?

(door closes) Looks like the party's over.

I never got to do my speech.

Then do it for me now.

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm being serious.

I want to hear it.

Perhaps an abridged version.

Music to my ears.

I thought I'd start by talking about the emperor penguin.

(exhales): That might be where you lose your audience.

And how fatherhood takes many forms.

But however they manifest, all fathers, god, surrogate, or otherwise, share one common desire.

To help those under their care become the best version of themselves.

Job done.

The trouble is when they start to forge their own path, and you realize the roles have somehow reversed.

You find yourself needing them far more than they ever needed you.

And then I thought I'd end on a flourish with a particularly pertinent quote from Aristotle.

Why do you always have to go back to the Greeks?

I'm sorry if my terms of reference are too highbrow for you.

I just think it'd be nice if you chose a book we'd all read.

Like what, Tristan?

"The Dandy"?

(door opens, dog barks) (Siegfried exhales) The Greeks built the foundations of Western civilization.

Honestly, a first-class education and this is what you come out with.

(door closes) It beggars belief, it really does.

TRISTAN: Well, I'm a student of life, not the classroom.

It's nice to see those two getting on so well.

(dog barks) MRS. HALL: Isn't it just?

(all chuckling) (sighs) TRISTAN: Carmody's back?

I couldn't help but notice both beds were made up.

MRS. HALL: Mr. Farnon didn't think you'd mind sharing.

(snoring, gasps) There's a reptile on the prowl.

SIEGFRIED: Smuggled in from abroad, apparently, by one of the soldiers.

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