Agatha Christie's Partners in Crime

HE GRUNTS There.

What on earth do we need more book shelves for?

Our collection of detective classics, of course.

Got to have Sherlock Holmes, Rex Stouts, Ellery Queens, Bulldog Drummonds... - So who's next?

Edgar Wallace.

We need yards and yards for him.

We haven't even had an Edgar Wallace case yet.

I've just looked out the window and seen something beginning with M. TUPPENCE: Hmm.

- Motorcycle?

- No.

- Monkey?

- No.

- Mussolini?

- Don't be daft.

- Getting warm?

- No.

INSPECTOR: Anybody home?

DOOR CLOSES BOTH: Oh!

Marriott!

- Right.

Well, good morning, Mr and Mrs Beresford!

Morning.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

No, we were just discussing book shelves.

Ah, yes.

Very interesting.

May I ask you in what context?

For our Edgar Wallace books.

I've heard tell that he writes two books at a time, holding a pen in each hand, as well as dictating a third to a secretary.

Really?

Well, as Tuppence points out, we haven't had an Edgar Wallace case yet.

Well, now, there's a coincidence for you.

Where?

Because I've come to ask the brilliant Beresfords for their help in a very sort of Edgar Wallace case.

TUPPENCE: Oh!

SHE CHUCKLES Wait till I put on my brilliant expression.

No need to get swollen-headed about it, just because you solved a couple of cases with amazing luck.

- Amazing skill!

- Amazing luck.

In my experience, one is as useful as the other.

Ah.

You should have been a diplomat, Inspector.

That's part of the job, too.

Now, what would you two say to helping me round up a big gang?

Is there such a thing?

What do you mean "Is there such a thing"?

Well, I-I always thought that gangs were a figment of the writers' imaginations.

Like super-crooks and master criminals.

Well, true, master crooks and super-criminals aren't that thick on the ground.

But there's any amount of gangs hanging about.

Well, Inspector... ..are you telling me that you can't catch them?

Well, it's like this, sir.

Albert.

Albert?

SHE SIGHS We at the Yard believe this gang is a bit lah-di-dah.

- Ooh, blue-blooded?

- Nobs?

Upper class?

Er, that sort of thing.

Now, it's a well-known fact that my chaps at the Yard are fearless and strong as oxen, and make first-class husbands... But they find it a bit difficult to mix believably with the haute monde, so to speak?

With the... Yes, you might put it like that, sir.

A mite flat-footed?

That's nearer the mark, miss.

TOMMY: What crime is this gang mixed up in?

Forgery.

Banknotes.

Hundreds of them, floating about.

Without being spotted?

Exactly.

Most artistic bit of work it is, too.

You... don't happen to have one on you, do you?

Well, as a matter of fact, just by chance, I did happen to bring one along.

Uh, do you have a magnifying glass?

"Do we have a magnifying glass..." What sort of detective agency do you think this is?

OBJECTS CLATTERING Albert.

Magnifying glass.

Magnifying glass?

HE BLOWS SHARPLY - Behave yourself, Albert.

- Sorry, sir.

That young man... Well, he's useless most of the time, and then suddenly he's completely expendable.

By Jove!

Well, it looks perfectly all right to me.

Let's have a look.

TUPPENCE: Mm!

Could have fooled me.

That's exactly what it's doing all over London.

But after all the trouble the gang take over the overlaying of the watermark, they go and make a very silly mistake.

- Where?

- Look at the forgery first.

How does that line of writing read?

"The Bank of England "promise to pay the bearer on demand "the sum of one pound."

And a genuine note?

"Bank of England "promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum..." Well, it's the same.

Try again, sir.

Look carefully.

"The Bank of England promise..." Oh, gosh.

Yes, I see.

TUPPENCE: What?

What?

"I promise to bear the bearer..." Oh, let me have a look.

"I promise to pay the bearer..." Oh, yes, of course!

Etc, etc, signed by the... Secretary of the Treasury.

INSPECTOR: Right.

That "I" and the "promise" are so close, that it could easily be missed.

- Exactly.

And who's going to read a banknote?

Well, I hope YOU are, Mrs Beresford.

So where do we fit in, Inspector?

- Ah, I'm sorry... - Oh.

Oh.

Yes.

Well... Uh, no, I think that's my note, sir.

Oh!

Sorry.

What exactly do you want us to do?

Well, keep an eye out for these things?

Oh, no.

A lot more than that, my dear.

You see, all the Yard has found out so far is that these dud notes... BOTH CHUCKLE ..are being circulated from the west end.

- But you don't know who by?

- By whom.

Neither.

But I'm sure it's somebody pretty high up in the social scale.

Oh, I see!

So you want us to infiltrate?

Nightclubs, gambling, dancing the night away?

Examining banknotes and getting hit over the head?

No, no.

The danger will be minimal.

Society folk are not violent.

Really?

Well, what about... Mrs Barney?

And Madame Farmi?

Well, two rotten apples don't spoil the harvest.

No.

Nor make a summer.

Quite so, madam.

And... then there's the other side of this business.

- The other side?

- The other side of the Channel.

Some of these notes have been passed in France and Germany.

Belgium and Holland, too.

- Oh!

Well, isn't there anyone that you suspect?

Well, this is where we have to tread carefully, as you can well understand.

But between ourselves, there is one person who's interesting us a good deal, a Major Laidlaw.

Ever heard of him?

Something to do with racing, isn't he?

INSPECTOR: Right.

- Runs a stud farm.

INSPECTOR: Right again.

My cousin Fruity Faulkener knows him.

Fruity Faulk... Would that be Captain James Faulkener?

TOMMY: That's the one.

Mind you, we've nothing against Laidlaw at the Yard, but there's a suspicion that he's been involved in a couple of rather shady transactions.

Rigged races, stewards' enquiries, that sort of thing?

Exactly.

And then there's... his wife.

TUPPENCE: What about her?

She's French.

Oh.

Other side of the Channel.

She has a train of admirers.

She's very fond of the tables.

Gambling.

The Laidlaws certainly spend a lot of money, and I'd like to know where it comes from.

You know, I think I met her once, with Fruity.

Yes.

Marguerite.

Ah.

Before we were engaged.

Yes, very beautiful.

Very French.

Well, I never met her.

Well, here's your opportunity, Mrs Beresford.

Do you know the Python Club in Upper Brook Street?

- No, I don't think I... - Yes, I do.

Ah, well, that's where I met Marguerite Laidlaw.

Mind you, I'm sure it's a coincidence, but a lot of these dud notes have been circulated at the Python Club.

Now, I've heard that that place is not all it seems.

- Oh?

TOMMY: Mm.

They run a small casino in a back room, for members who feel like a flutter.

That would be illegal!

Precisely.

- I'm sure it's only a rumour.

- Oh, but... The place is run impeccably.

They have a very high-class clientele.

And that's where the Laidlaws spend most of their evenings.

TOMMY: Ah.

- So where do we come in?

Get Fruity Faulk... um, Captain James Faulkener, to put you both up for membership of the club.

There's no danger of the Laidlaws, or whoever the forgers are, spotting YOU as detectives.

Oh, right!

You're on!

We've got to know where the stuff comes from.

You mean Major Laidlaw goes out in the morning with an empty suitcase and comes back of an evening with it crammed to the gills full of forged banknotes?

And having trailed him hither and yon, I catch him in the act?

I don't think it'll be that easy, sir.

I think my husband's talking allegorically.

- Ah.

- Or metaphorically.

Oh.

HE CHUCKLES And don't forget the lady.

My husband's not likely to forget a lady.

- Or her father.

- Oh, she has a father?

Oh yes!

Even French ladies have fathers.

- A Monsieur Heroulade.

- Monsieur... He might easily be the contact across the Channel.

- You leave him to us.

- I will.

I'll put some money into your bank account this afternoon... SHE GIGGLES I say!

- ..for expenses... - Of course.

..so that you have some hard cash to gamble with.

And so that I can dress suitably.

Oh, quite so.

Mrs Beresford must equip herself with suitable outfits for the Python Club.

What about �100?

Are you sure you can print it in time?

HE CHUCKLES HE LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY Shake well... but not too long.

Tuppence!

I say!

Gosh!

Do you like it?

Do I like it?

Well!

Well... It's absolutely flabbergasting.

SHE CHUCKLES, HE LAUGHS And the shadow?

Deep as the night.

And the cherry lipstick?

I bet it glows in the dark.

Oh, darling, you do say the most divine thing to boost a chap's ego.

And hardly a motive in sight.

BOTH LAUGH - What about this one?

- Oh, no.

What you've got on is the cat's whiskers.

SHE CHUCKLES Then I'll wear this another night.

BOTH LAUGH You're quite a rake at heart, aren't you, darling?

It's a good thing you're married to a steady, sober, sensible sort of chap like me.

Well, you wait till we get to the Python Club.

You might not be as sober as you think.

Now what's that you're mixing?

A horse's neck.

At last, we have an Edgar Wallace case.

- Slush.

- What?

That's what they called forged notes.

Slush.

- Ah.

Oh, at last, we're proper busies!

And we're out to get the crackler.

What exactly is a "crackler" when he's at home?

He isn't, very often.

It's a word I've just invented.

He's a chap who forges banknotes and puts them into circulation.

They crackle, so he's a "crackler".

SHE LAUGHS Simple.

I think I prefer "rustler".

More sinister.

No, crackler's more Edgar Wallace.

- Oh, OK.

- "Crackler" it is, then.

And we're out to get you!

PIANO MUSIC PLAYING Ah, there they are!

Come meet them, Marguerite!

Tommy!

You managed to get here!

Jimmy!

Splendid to see you again!

It was good to hear from you.

May I introduce you to my wife known as Tuppence?

- Delighted to meet you.

- Hello!

Yes!

And this lady is Mrs Laidlaw.

My friends, Mr and Mrs Beresford, - Hello.

- How do you do?

How do you do?

- Hello, again.

Now, what to drink?

A horse's neck, please.

- Marguerite?

- Well, now!

You're Tommy, yes?

What is YOUR wish?

Oh, I think I'll have a horse's neck, too.

Good!

Then I too will have the neck of a horse.

HE CHUCKLES Splendid!

Take a pew.

Three gee-gees, Harry, and a whisky soda.

Yes, Captain.

What's the other side of King Kong standing there?

Oh, that is the tables.

Chemin de fer, poker, roulette.

- Can anyone go in?

- Only if you're known.

The habitue, as they say.

Oh, can't we go in and have a bit of a flutter?

Nothing easier, Tommy.

Here we are!

One little gee-gee, two gee-gees, and third past the post.

LAUGHTER - Ah!

Bung ho.

- Skin off your nose.

PIANO PLAYING: 'Lady Be Good' Mm.

What about a bit of a whirl, Mrs Beresford?

On the dance floor?

The old trot-fox?

Oh, yes, say I!

I do love to dance, don't I, Tommy?

Don't I, Tommy?

Sorry, darling, what was that?

TUPPENCE: I do love to dance.

We will take our neck of a horses, and invade the holy of holies.

Right you are.

It's very sad.

It's very sad.

I'll take another half-a-dozen Blue Points.

These are Whitstables, sir.

Oh... You know what?

I thought I was back in the States.

I'll have a half-dozen Whitstables.

Very good, Mr Ryder.

INDISTINCT CHATTER That is my husband, at chemmy.

MAN: Card, please.

He could be told I was dead and he would not stop playing.

Papa?

This is Tommy.

Tommy Beresford.

How do you do?

How do you do, Mr Beresford?

This is Major Laidlaw.

Excuse us, Papa.

We will try roulette.

Chemin de fer is no fun unless one's terribly, terribly rich.

INDISTINCT CHATTER - Cinquante, please.

MAN: Mais oui.

- And, uh, ten pounds, please.

MAN: Monsieur.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYING MUSIC STOPS, LAUGHTER By Jove, that was absolutely spiffing.

You dance divinely.

- You're no slouch yourself!

I say... may I call you Tuppence?

Oh, yes.

Please do.

- And I'm Jimmy.

- Jimmy.

Mm!

Let's have another drink.

Same again?

- Mm!

Oh, yes.

A horse's neck, please.

One gee-gee, Harry, and a whisky soda.

HARRY: Coming, Captain Faulkener.

My word, your husband's a lucky fellow.

I've always thought so.

With you dancing the way you do.

Alas and alack, he doesn't enjoy it very much.

What?

Doesn't cotton on to the odd spot of Terpsichore?

- Not really.

- Ah, we must put that right.

I command you to come here, night after night, just to dance with me.

- Mm!

That's a date.

SHE CHUCKLES Dates.

What's the damage, Harry?

- To you, Captain, 30 shillings.

And to anybody else, a quid.

LAUGHTER There we are.

Ooh, I say!

They look nice.

HE CHUCKLES These?

I suppose they do.

Mm!

And crackling.

Where did you get them from?

Hot off the press?

BOTH LAUGH No, more likely gambling here, in my case.

Or the races.

- Thank you, madam.

- Oh!

- Keep the change, Harry.

- Thank you, Captain.

- Bung ho.

- Cheers.

Oh... BOTH LAUGH INDISTINCT CHATTER TOMMY: There!

Ah, well.

I think that's enough for me for one night.

Ah, Tommy.

Too sad.

But I must have another throw, or two, or three.

Look at my husband!

- I'll see you later, perhaps.

- I insist.

I will winkle you out.

JIMMY: "..I beg your pardon," and promptly fell over in the paddock!

BOTH LAUGH Did you win?

Not exactly.

Did you have a nice dance?

Mm.

It was a divine piece of Terpsichore.

HE LAUGHS That's good!

What?

Oh, my word, you're a lucky dog, Tommy.

Thanks.

I say, Tuppence, what about a flutter in the old holy of holies?

- Oh, rath-er!

I'll stake you to a couple of tenners.

Oh, no, a tenner's much too heavy for me.

A quid's more my pace.

Just as you say.

Come on, then.

HE LAUGHS TOMMY: Have fun.

- Yes, sir?

- A horse's neck, please.

Yes, sir.

- Evening.

TOMMY: Good evening!

You can't beat the French, can you?

TOMMY: I beg your pardon?

The French, you can't beat 'em.

I refer to Mrs Laidlaw.

Marguerite.

- Ah.

She is the most beautiful woman I've ever set eyes on.

Yes, she's very lovely.

- I'm from America, sir.

- I thought you might be.

Hank Ryder, New Jersey.

Tommy Beresford, St John's Wood.

You know, I am pretty new to this kinda high life.

I only made my pile a little while ago.

- Really?

- Right.

I've come to Europe to see life.

Where else have you been, may I ask?

Yeah.

Um... France.

Gay Paree.

Berlin.

Vienna.

- Belgium?

- Uh, no, not yet.

- Your horse's neck, sir.

- Ah, thanks.

Would you like a drink?

HANK: Mm, I'm still going.

I'm afraid that's the smallest I've got.

That's quite all right, sir.

Well, cheers.

HE CHUCKLES HANK: Yes!

Mm... It's a terrible shame.

Such a lovely creature's got to have money worries.

INDISTINCT CHATTER Jimmy, darling, do me a big favour.

Of course, Marguerite.

Anything within my feeble power.

Tomorrow, at Ascot, I fancy very much Pennine Prince for the four o'clock.

I'm told he cannot lose.

If he knows you're backing him, he won't dare to, my dear.

MARGUERITE: Twenty pounds, on the nose.

JIMMY: Right-ho.

Oh.

Oh, let me have those for a couple of tenners, Jimmy.

I can't bet my life away with tenners.

JIMMY: Pleasure.

- Thank you.

Difficult to tell.

Well, I collared 20 from Madame Laidlaw, via Jimmy.

And mine are change from the bar.

CHINA CLATTERS What's that?

- Cocoa.

- Whatever for?

- Sober you up.

- I beg your pardon?

SHE GIGGLES Sober us both up!

I'm absolutely swimming in horse's neckness.

- In what?

- Horse's neckness.

Horse's necks.

SHE GIGGLES That's what I said!

Horse's neckness!

HE LAUGHS Good grief!

What's that apparition you're wearing?

SHE LAUGHS Do you like it?

It's my new negligee.

TOMMY: Like it or not, you didn't... SHE LAUGHS Oh, Tuppence, you did.

You bought it out of the money that Marriott gave us!

Well, he said I should dress the part.

Yes, in working or even waking hours, but at this time of night?

Oh, it gives me a feel of the thing.

An habituee of an illegal gambling club, long cigarette holders, hangovers.

Why, don't you like it?

- Yes.

Will you stop being so damned feminine, while I'm trying to examine these damned banknotes.

Hmm.

Well, just pretend that I'm not here.

Right.

Thanks very much.

Now... Out of the four... ..I got as change from the bar, only one is a dud.

- Mm.

That could be anybody's.

- Exactly.

And out of your 20, four are forgeries.

Mm.

Madame Laidlaw got those from her husband.

Who was playing chemmy.

So he could have got them from the cashier, or from anywhere.

So that doesn't help much.

SHE CHUCKLES Well, never mind.

That means we'll have to go back to the Python Club and I can wear another dress.

- Tuppence?

- Hmm?

- Concentrate on this, please.

- Hmm.

These dud notes are all new and crisp.

So they can't have been fondled... ..handled, by very many people.

- Mm.

Drink your chocolate, darling... ..while it's hot.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY: Blast!

Stinger.

- Yes, Major.

- A horse's neck.

- Yes, madam.

- Were you racing today?

- Yes.

- Ascot?

- Yes.

- Successful?

- Yes.

Did Pennine Prince win?

No.

I only asked because I thought your wife backed it.

Oh?

SHE CHUCKLES - You obviously enjoy gambling.

- Yes.

- Me too.

- Oh.

- But I don't have much luck.

- Oh.

And then I usually run out of cash.

Yes.

SHE CHUCKLES I often wonder why I don't make my own, then I could gamble all day long!

Yes.

I suppose, like most good gamblers, you keep your cards pretty close to your stomach?

Yes.

- Don't give much away.

- No.

I hate to ask, but could you change a �10 note?

I can change that for you, madam.

Oh.

Thank you.

SHE SIGHS Cheers.

JIMMY: One hundred.

HE SIGHS 110, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70... HE SIGHS ..80, 90, 200.

Thank you, Jimmy.

And jolly rotten luck.

HANK: Why, she's a little witch, that one, huh?

Talk about a poker face!

I'll win it back tomorrow night!

HE CHUCKLES Drink?

PIANO PLAYING: 'I'll Be Loving You, Always' Mr Ryder, I think you should go back to your hotel.

What, the Carlton?

I don't fancy that.

- I know what he looks like.

- How?

Photos in the Sporting & Dramatic.

Major Laidlaw and Friends at the Derby, that sort of tripe.

So, what have I got to do then, sir?

HE GRUNTS Get on your motorcycle and follow him to Ascot.

If he heads for the royal enclosure, you won't be able to get in there.

- Why not?

- Because you'll need a topper, or a large picture hat with flowers on it.

Can't you lend me one?

Anyhow, the important thing is to watch if he stops anywhere.

And if he does, make a note of everything he says or does.

And if he's carrying anything.

ALBERT: Like what?

- Oh, briefcase, satchel, anything that could hold banknotes.

Right.

Leave it to me.

Wait a minute.

He lives in Eardley Mansions, off Baker Street, and drives a Rolls.

IN AMERICAN ACCENT: I'm on my way, partner.

I don't think all those gangster films are a good influence on our Albert.

What seems to be the trouble?

Trouble?

Oh, it's this here... toggle.

- Where?

- Here.

I don't see nothing.

Well, driving what you do, you like as not don't have no toggles.

Ah, fixed it.

All right, so what's the game?

Game?

What you on about?

You've been following us all day.

I ain't.

I saw you outside my gentleman's house this morning.

- Who, me?

- Yes, you.

Why are you following us?

- I ain't!

I've been to the races and all.

- You'd best buzz off.

- I was just going.

And if I ever set eyes on you again, my lad, it'll be the worse for you.

ENGINE STARTS "Who the devil do you think you are?"

I said.

"I've as much right to be standing here as you have."

And did he threaten you?

Threaten me?

No, sir!

I threatened them!

He comes over, right, throwing his weight about... Did you see money change hands?

Yeah, at these here posh pub.

First he takes out a wad of notes, gives one to the waiter and hands the rest to the other bloke.

And then after that bit, where you threatened them... They went straight to the Python Club.

- You're sure?

ALBERT: Yeah.

Straight there.

Oh, thanks, Albert.

You've done just swell.

Aw-shucks, missus, it weren't nothing.

TOMMY: Thank you, Albert.

Well?

What do you think, darling?

I don't know.

Could it just be Monsieur Heroulade paying Major Laidlaw back a debt?

Yes.

But he'd hardly bring out forged notes in the full light of day.

Course, you know Major Laidlaw's blind.

- Blind?

- As a bat.

I don't believe you.

That's why that frog always stays so close to him, leading him about.

Albert, why didn't you tell us before?

Well, I only saw him today for the first time.

INDISTINCT CHATTER MAN SPEAKS IN FRENCH - That's gin.

MARGUERITE: Ooh la-la!

I lose!

I'm afraid you all lose, folks.

That'll be, uh, what, �50 you owe me.

HANK EXHALES May I join you at the next game?

No.

No, I shall see if I can do better at roulette.

Will you join me?

Ah, Mr Beresford, why don't I buy you a drink?

If you'll excuse me, I'll join you later.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYING, INDISTINCT CHATTER Well, what's your poison, young man?

I would like to tell you, just at the moment.

SHE GIGGLES, SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY - Dix, noir.

MAN: Ah!

Madame.

Merci bien.

CHIPS CLATTER MAN SPEAKS IN FRENCH PIANO MUSIC PLAYING, INDISTINCT CHATTER Ah!

My Tommy!

Here you are!

Look!

I have won and won!

Yes.

You certainly have.

Is it safe, showing off all that money?

Let's just hope she don't lose it all before the evening is out.

Look, why don't I change that for you, into bigger notes?

Oh, you English.

So careful.

So wise.

And so charming!

APPLAUSE MAN SPEAKS IN FRENCH TOMMY: They're all forgeries!

TUPPENCE: Mm, but where did she get them?

TOMMY: She won them.

SHE CHUCKLES - At roulette, I think.

- Very smart.

Well, you spent most of your evening dancing with Jimmy!

What's that got to do with anything?

For all we know, he could be the chap forging the notes.

- Oh, no.

- Very Edgar Wallace.

Not Jimmy.

Anyway, I think it's fun mixing business with pleasure.

Matter of fact, I haven't enjoyed myself so much for years.

We're not supposed to be enjoying ourselves.

We're supposed to be running a gang of forgers to earth.

What about you and that French filly?

Purely business.

SHE SCOFFS And no pleasure?

Purely minimal.

I see it... as a process of elimination.

What's that mean?

It means, if you and I were accused of forgery and it wasn't me, then I'm eliminated, and it must be you.

I might have known!

You see, it could be any one of the habitues of the Python Club.

Habitues are people who go there.

I know that!

Or if it's a gang, as Inspector Marriott thinks, then it could be all of them.

Yes.

That makes sense.

Major Laidlaw, even though blind, his wife, her father Monsieur Heroulade, that American chap, Jimmy Faulkener, even Harry the barman.

But what if it isn't a gang?

Ah, well, then it could be any one of them.

Mind you, one of them might be the leader of the gang, but the other members might not be the "habituals".

Habitues.

Yes, that's an idea.

In Jail Bait, there was this little old woman.

She... - We saw that, Albert.

- Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Now, if this were an Edgar Wallace case, then the criminal could be somebody pretending to be somebody else.

The Ring!

There's a detective that turns out not to be a detective!

- Yes, we saw that, too, Albert.

- Sorry.

Mind you... ..if the Major isn't really a major... Or even blind.

..Marguerite Laidlaw isn't really French, her father isn't her father, and Jimmy... No, hang on, hang on.

Just because these people are handling counterfeit money, doesn't necessarily mean that they're printing it.

No, of course not, but... - What is it, darling?

ALBERT: You all right, Mrs B?

TOMMY SHUSHES WHISPERS: She's having one of her hunches.

Whitehall 1212.

WHISPERS: Scotland Yard.

TUPPENCE: Inspector Marriott.

WHISPERS: She's onto something.

Do you remember the Case of the Frightened Lady?

- Shh!

- Shh!

Inspector Marriott?

Mrs Beresford.

No.

No, not yet.

But there's something I want you to do for me.

Phone all the big hotels and find out if a large number of forged notes have been used to pay big bills.

Yes.

We'll wait here till you ring.

Well?

Yeah, come on, Mrs B!

Spill the beans!

If I'm right... it's too dangerous for us.

TOMMY: I'll only be a minute, darling.

- See you in the gaming room.

TOMMY: Right-ho.

Mr Ryder!

What are you doing?

SLURRING: The goddamn hatstand.

I never saw anything like that in New Jersey.

HE LAUGHS Holy smoke, Beresford, you know what?

You got two heads.

Ah, but I've only got one hat.

Wow!

What do you know?

So you have!

HE CHUCKLES That is remarkable.

Why don't you try that one?

Boy, am I juiced.

HE GRUNTS Mixed all my drinks earlier on, in a beer tankard.

Bet me I wouldn't.

- Oh?

Who did?

Well, who do you think?

And I agreed.

Just for fun.

Look, old chap, why don't you go home?

I got no home to go to.

- What about your hotel?

- Well, a hotel's not a home.

Anyway, I promised Marguerite I'm gonna join her after the treasure hunt.

What treasure hunt?

I tell you young man, the treasure hunt!

The British aristocracy, they do it all the time.

Anyway, she took me there in her car.

- Where?

- I don't know.

Um, cobblestones.

It was �500.

Oh, you're pulling my leg.

I'm telling you, it was White-something.

- Wh... Whitehall?

- No.

- Whitechapel?

- That's it.

And you found �500 there?

I didn't, she did.

She left me outside.

She's always leaving me outside.

It's very sad.

D'you think you could find your way back again?

Well, of course.

Hank Ryder doesn't lose his bearings that easy.

Come on, then.

Here we go.

Come on!

HANK GASPS - Time to go.

- It's freezing out here.

Oh!

Mind your hat.

Hey, is this a Rolls-Royce?

Er, no, old chap.

It's a Bentley, actually.

How's about it?

INDISTINCT CHATTER, ENGINE STARTS BOTH SPEAKING IN FRENCH - Both of you?

- Yes.

To earn the money to play here, madame.

Of course!

Bon voyage.

BOTH LAUGH - Merci!

Au 'voir.

- Au 'voir.

JIMMY: Toodle-pip.

- Toodlee-pip.

- Where are we?

- Whitechapel.

Oh, yeah... Listen, Tommy, I think we turned to the right somewhere down there.

Keep going.

There's a phone box.

What do you wanna phone for?

Call the Python Club, let Tuppence know where I am.

- You think she'll be worried?

- I hope so.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYING No sign of your errant husband?

Apparently not.

Dance while waiting?

No, thank you, Jimmy.

I'm tired.

- Drink, then?

- Oh, why not?

A little Champagne would be reviving.

HE CHUCKLES Good gal!

- See that pub?

- Yes.

It's down there.

Down that street there.

Want to drop in for a quick one?

The pub's probably closed by now.

No kidding.

All right.

Turn down there.

Hey... why are we doing all this?

Is some of that moolah still buried down here?

Could be.

Are you putting one over on somebody?

Possibly.

HE LAUGHS You dog!

Yeah... Hey!

That's it!

Pull over, down there.

HE WHISPERS Sorry, Jimmy.

Must dash.

- Right.

CATS MIAOWING WHISPERING: Down here.

DOG BARKS CLANKING ENGINE IDLING - Where are we going?

- Whitechapel.

- Oh!

Why?

- All he said was "Cats."

WHISPERING: That's the one.

She went in there.

WHISPERING: You sure?

I'm sure.

She led me down near the alley.

But how could you tell?

They're all the same.

Like the story of the princess and the soldier.

I don't know that one.

Marguerite's a real princess, but I'm certainly no soldier.

HE CHUCKLES Yes.

Well, they put a cross on the door to show which one it was.

- I'll be darned.

- I think I'll do the same.

- Why?

- In case we're in danger.

CATS YOWLING - A lot of cats about.

- What do we do now?

We step inside?

- Be careful.

We do.

Hey!

Someone coming down the alley.

Let... Let me handle it.

CAT MIAOWS DOOR OPENS Good evening, Mr Beresford.

Willie the oyster-opener.

WILLIE: Turn up the gas.

- Ah, the head... - Shut your trap.

Put your hands up.

HANK: Got him, boys?

So, Mr Busy Busy!

You reached the end of the trail, huh?

Mr Hank Ryder.

What a surprise.

Mm, I have been laughing fit to bust these past few days.

Really?

Yeah, I was onto you right from the start.

I knew you weren't really in with that crowd at the Python.

Let you play about for a bit until I got you suspicious of the lovely Marguerite, and then I said to myself, "Now's the time to lead him to it."

And now I'm on the spot.

HANK: Well, it looks like it.

I mean, I'm not giving up this business for the sake of two amateur peepers.

So what are you going to do?

Bump me off?

HANK: Oh, you got any other suggestions?

CATS MIAOWING I wouldn't bank on that cross on the door.

Why not?

HANK: Well, I know that cock-eyed fairy story.

I went back and I put a cross on all the other doors.

By the time they find the right door and your body, me and the boys will be out of the country.

With Major Laidlaw and his wife.

Them?

God, they're only interested in the horses.

They're not in our league, sonny.

Really?

Well... let's get it over with.

Thought you were so clever, didn't you?

We were a step ahead of you all the way.

DOOR BURSTS OPEN, MAN GRUNTS TOMMY GRUNTS Well done, sir.

Just in time, Inspector.

- Tommy?

TOMMY: In here, darling.

- Tommy!

Are you all right?

- Never better.

Well, Inspector!

You were right about the Python Club.

May I introduce you to Mr Hank Ryder, his henchmen and equipment?

I said I'd get you, Crackler, and I have.

Crackler?

What the hell are you talkin' about?

You'll find it in the next Criminal Dictionary.

Etymology doubtful.

Take 'em away.

HE LAUGHS TOMMY: Well done, Albert!

How did you get those cats to lead us here?

Oh, I not only equipped myself with chalk, but with a phial of valerian.

What on earth's valerian?

It stinks to high heaven, but cats love it.

I know, I keep 'em.

Cats is what you said, and cats is what I looked for.

They was outside the door when I arrived.

There was no need to pick up Mrs Beresford.

It could've been dangerous.

ALBERT: She wouldn't wanna miss the fun.

No.

Quite right.

Well, thank you very much for your help.

Always a pleasure, Inspector.

Though, I have to admit, it was my clever wife who first suspected the Yankee.

The hotel where he was staying had hundreds of pounds worth of forged banknotes palmed off.

TUPPENCE: Mm.

Mind you, I wouldn't trust those others at the Python Club further than I could throw them.

INSPECTOR: I'm afraid it turned out more dangerous than I'd anticipated.

What with Jimmy Faulkener dancing too, too divinely.

TUPPENCE IN FRENCH ACCENT: And Marguerite fluttering her eyelids at Tommy.

INSPECTOR: Yes.

Well, good night, miss.

ALBERT: See you in the morning.

TOMMY: Not to mention all those cocktails.

TUPPENCE: Hanging on her every word.

TOMMY: So.

It WAS quite a dangerous job.

TUPPENCE: A very dangerous job.

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