Our House

MAN: All right?

Excuse me... what are you doing?

Hello.

Can I help?

I'm Fi.

What's going on here?

Are you a friend of Bram's?

Sorry, who?

My husband, Bram.

We should get out of the way... Oh!

..for the guys.

What is all this?

What has he agreed to?

I'm not sure what you mean.

Are you a neighbour?

I live here.

I don't think so.

We're just moving in.

My husband will be here soon with the rest of our things.

Er... We're the Vaughans.

I'm Lucy.

This is my house!

I think I might have remembered if I'd agreed to rent it out.

We're not renting.

We've bought it.

FI: I don't understand what's going on.

Can't you tell them to stop?

Absolutely not.

Right, can you stop, please?

Take everything back to the van.

Don't!

I'm Fi Lawson.

I'm the owner.

I want all of this back in the van.

Now!

Wait a minute, did you say Fi?

Is that Fiona?

Yes.

Fiona Lawson.

This is my house.

I think you'd better come inside.

What have you done with all our things?

LUCY: I haven't done anything.

You moved out yesterday.

Or so I was told.

LOUD THUMP Ca n you please be careful!

I wasn't here yesterday.

I've been away.

Can you please explain to me what's going on?

That's what I've been trying to do.

Look, perhaps if you see some proof.

Proof?

Come into the kitchen.

We're blocking the way here.

Take that back outside.

No-one brings anything else into the house.

Do you understand?

E-mails from our solicitor.

Gilchrist, Bennett & Stafford.

The first is a confirmation of exchange of contracts.

The second is from this morning, the completion of sale.

They must be fakes.

Fakes?

Phishing.

Fake e-mails.

Conveyancing fraud.

They're real!

I promise you, it's all real.

The funds must have transferred to your account by now.

What funds?

Th e money we paid for the house.

I'm sorry, but I can't go on repeating this, Mrs Lawson.

I'm not asking you to.

You've made a mistake.

It's not possible for you to have bought a house that isn't for sale.

But it was for sale.

Otherwise, we couldn't have bought it, could we?

It couldn't have been sold without my authorisation.

I am co-owner of the property.

I'd have to sign the contract.

Now, take all of this stuff and get the fuck out of my house!

Maybe you should phone your husband.

SHE SIGHS LOUD MUSIC FROM CAR MUSIC STOPS What do you think?

I love it.

Why are you selling?

MAN: Well, we're both retired.

The children are settled.

They have careers, families of their own.

We wanted to free up a little cash, make the most of all the time we've got on our hands.

SHE LAUGHS Come here.

Stop it!

Aye-aye, they're fine.

We're all fine.

I'm just...

I'm just making their tea.

Spaghetti?

'No.'

Boys, am I making spaghetti?

No!

No!

I wish I was there.

'Oh, come on.'

How often do you get to go out and neck a few wines?

'It's work!'

SHE SMACKS HER LIPS Are you putting on lipstick?

'I've got buyers here from Copenhagen.'

Ah, dress to impress.

I've just had a fascinating conversation about ethically-sourced rugs.

Right, well, at least try and have some fun, OK?

And we'll see you when you get back.

Kiss the boys good night for me.

Love you.

Love you.

FORMAL CHATTER KEYS RATTLE IN A BOWL WHISPERS: Bram?

SIGHS METALLIC RATTLING MERLE: You talk to her.

BRAM: Just go.

Go.

FRONT DOOR CLOSES DOOR CLOSES It's not what it looks like.

I swear to God.

I swear on my life... Don't!

She just turned up.

I think she was drunk when she got here.

She wanted a glass of wine.

I didn't want to be rude, but before I knew it, she...

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

I just... Couldn't help yourself?

It was a moment of insanity.

I swear, it's just a blur.

You know I love you.

I love you so much.

You know that's true.

Just...

I will make this up to you.

You won't believe what I'll do.

Just, please, please, give me a chance.

I can smell her on you!

Pack a bag.

I'll organise a time for you to pick up the rest of your stuff when the boys are not around.

They're my boys, too.

You know how much I love them.

I love them more than anything.

Fi... ..this is our house.

Please...

Please, I'm begging you, don't kick me out.

We can work through this.

I know we can.

No, I want you gone tonight.

FEMALE VOICE: 'Sorry, this number is not in service.

'Please, hang up.'

LUCY: Why don't you leave a message?

I'll try him at work.

PHONE LINE RINGS 'Hi, this is Bram.

Leave a message.'

PHONE LINE RINGS 'Hello?'

Neil, hi.

It's Fi.

I don't suppose Bram's there?

I'm having trouble getting through.

'No, he's off, actually.'

Off?

'I haven't seen him since, er, Wednesday.'

Er, well, you haven't changed his number or given him a new mobile or something?

'No.

Why?

Look, should I be worried?'

Er, no, no.

It's nothing.

I'm just being silly.

Thanks.

Thanks for your help.

You have children, don't you?

Could he be with them?

They're in school.

How do you know I've got children?

The bedroom.

It's lovely, by the way.

As is the playhouse.

It's very sweet.

Oh, God, they'll need to be picked up.

They can't come back here, not till all this is sorted.

Is there somewhere else you could go?

Erm, a friend, a neighbour?

PHONE LINE RINGS WOMAN: 'Good afternoon.

Adler Park School.'

Mrs Emery, hi.

This is Fi Lawson.

My boys, Harry and Leo, are in years three and four.

I'm going to have to arrange for a friend to pick them up today.

'Er, I don't think they're here.'

Sorry?

'They're not in school today.'

Well, where are they?

'Well, I thought you'd know.'

Er, no, I don't.

'You didn't give permission?'

No.

Mrs Emery?

'I'll call you straight back.'

DOORBELL RINGS Don't say anything.

Just listen, please.

I've never done a worse thing in my life.

I'm so sorry.

I couldn't find you.

Why do you keep this?

It was your father's.

I thought you might want it one day.

Well, I don't.

When are we going to see the boys?

Soon.

I hope.

We've separated, but we're not gonna rush things.

It'll be a few months before we push ahead with the divorce.

That makes sense.

Time to talk it through.

Reassess.

I don't need time.

Who was it?

Some girl from work?

I knew it.

Merle!

Younger?

Can we not do this now?

He's such a shit.

If that was Hugh, I'd cut his balls off and feed them to the dogs.

Well, we've only got Leo's gerbil, so I don't think that will work.

How are the boys doing?

Harry's all right.

Well, he seems to be.

Leo...

He and Bram are so close.

We're putting them first.

Trying to keep it civilised.

But how is it going to work?

I mean, do you want us to invite yo u both to things, or just you?

And if we're picking sides, it's you all the way.

Well, you don't have to pick sides.

And you are staying in the house, though, yeah?

Of course.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you hear the Reeces have had an offer?

So, 2.1, they've turned it down.

Holding out for 2.3.

DOORBELL RINGS Hey.

Can I come in?

Boys!

Coming!

How are you doing?

FOOTSTEPS AND LAUGHTER Hey!

What are we doing?

I'm not telling you.

It's a surprise.

You won't believe wh at happened at the park today.

What did you do at the park today?

Have them back by six.

It's OK. We'll get the bus, it'll be quicker.

Right, come on.

LUCY: You need to stay calm.

I'm sure there's a good explanation.

PHONE BUZZES Hello?

MRS EMERY: 'Sorry about the delay.'

Where are my children?

'The headmistress is in a meeting, I'm afraid, 'and won't be free till four.'

Interrupt the meeting.

'It's not on site.

'But from what I've been told, 'it sounds like your husband took the boys out of school.

'I believe neither of you we re available for the pick-up.'

No, no, I've been away.

But Bram's been working from home.

Did you actually speak to him?

'Well, no.

No, I didn't.

'I'm just passing on what I've been told.

'As I say, the headmistress will be available after four.

'If you could call back then, I'm...' Oh, God.

LETTERBOX RATTLES Sorry, we missed the bus.

Where'd you go?

Lewisham.

Bowling.

I'll race you.

You didn't give them sweets?

Boys, did I give you sweets?

No!

No!

See?

Innocent.

We had vegan snacks an d a lovely glass of water (!)

Hilarious (!)

Listen, Fi... ..they don't seem to have any idea what's going on with us.

And what is going on?

Well, the separation.

Divorce.

We're not divorced yet.

Look, we have to tell them something.

Just explain.

I mean, all they talked about all afternoon was you.

"Why isn't Mummy coming?

Can we come again with Mummy?"

They want to spend time with both of us.

Well, they can't, can they?

Well, why not?

We said we'd put them first.

And that's what they want.

But that's all over for us, isn't it, family life?

Look, we're separated.

Fine, I respect that.

I don't want it.

But I respect it.

Maybe we can just try an afternoon.

You know, ta ke them to the park together.

Just to see how it goes and... help ease the transition.

Let's go play.

KEYS RATTLE IN THE BOWL Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?

It's your turn to see the boys on Friday.

I'm going out, so don't be late.

Fi... you're killing me.

You look so beautiful.

I can't take my eyes off you.

Are you finished?

Forgive me.

It was a crazy, stupid thing to do.

I should have talked to you, but...

..I've been feeling down for a while.

I just wasn't coping.

It will never happen again.

I promise.

Just... Just let me come home.

Please.

We can work this out.

I love you.

Erm...

These are yours.

I was clearing out the spare room and I found them.

Who cares?

They're speeding tickets.

A lot of them.

This is who you are.

You're... irresponsible and selfish.

You're a liar.

Look, forget the fucking tickets!

I'm talking about you and me.

So am I.

Really?

So, that's it, we just... we just get divorced?

Destroy our family?

Destroy everything we built together?

Just sell the house and go our separate ways?

Is that...?

Is that really what you want?

Yes.

LUCY: I know this is overwhelming, but we need to stay calm.

Is there anyone your husband might have made plans with or asked to look after the boys?

Tina, it's Fi.

Is Bram there?

'No.

'He's at the house.

I thought that was the arrangement.'

Well, he's not at the house.

I'm at the house.

'You're back already?'

I need Bram urgently.

He's taken the boys out of school and I'm not sure where they've gone.

'They're here.'

What?

'Well, they're right here, watching TV.

'Bram asked me not to call you till tomorrow 'to arrange getting them back.'

Why aren't they at school?

Are they OK?

'They're fine.'

Where's Bram?

'I don't know.

He seemed to be distressed.

'He just dropped the boys off and left.'

We might have to sell the house.

What?

Well, you can't do that.

Think of all the work you've put into it, the love.

Yeah, the kids are so happy.

All their friends are here.

Ye ah, what are you going to do, get two shitty flats, you and the boys crammed into it, hearing the neighbours through the floors?

I don't want to fight him for it.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS I don't want the boys to go through that.

There is another option.

Bird nesting?

FI: We keep the house.

Take it in turns living there.

The kids stay at home and we come and go.

'Well, why not just sell?'

Because we'd lose a shitload of money.

And the kids lose their home, school places, friends.

'They'd spend half the time at your place and half the time at mine.

'It'll be confusing.'

So, what do I do, just carry on living with my mother?

'No, we rent a flat.'

A bedsit somewhere nearby.

We'd have to get a professional to help us draw up an agreement.

A proper agreement, written down.

WOMAN: Fi will have the house during the week.

Every other weekend, she will move out for three days to a studio flat which Bram will be living in.

And you, Bram, will move in.

I'll need to see the boys in between.

You will.

You'll have access two evenings a week.

And every two weeks, I'm back in the house?

Yes, for the weekend.

You'll stay in the guest bedroom.

But you'll not go in the marital bedroom, which is Fi's.

When you leave the studio flat... ..you strip the bed, take the duvet cover and the sheets and put them in the washing machine.

Fi will put on fresh sheets an d take your sheets out to dry.

You don't want to share my sheets?

After all these years!

It's important to keep the boundaries clear.

This is not an intimate relationship.

It's a practical arrangement.

No, I can appreciate that.

I just want to do what's best for the boys.

So, we can work together amicably and just discuss any problems as they arise.

This isn't an excuse to spend more time together.

No, of course not.

Things will come up.

Arrangements.

You have to help ferry them around.

We can't afford two cars.

We'll be stretched to breaking point renting the studio.

I'll do my best.

No, you'll drive, you'll help, or the deal's off.

You can go back to Mummy's and fight me in court.

Fi, you'll be allowed one call, du ring your stay at the studio, to the children to say good night.

This will limit the disruption to Bram's time with them.

And no new partners in the family home.

Does that sound fair?

Totally.

Of course.

What about the flat?

Treat yourself.

Which is why it's so important to change the sheets.

Is this really the best you've got?

I'm afraid so.

There is a rather charming view.

SIREN WAILS IN THE DISTANCE That's my house over there.

Council tax and utilities are your responsibility.

Two months of rent upfront and a month's deposit.

Busy?

Obviously.

For you.

Thank you.

You know, I love this chair.

It's so comfy I could just stay here all day.

Please don't.

Right... enough foreplay.

What do you want?

So, the thing is, er...

I'm sure you've heard that my wife and I have separated.

I won't bore you with the details, but I've got my own place now and it's put a certain strain on my finances.

So, I was wondering whether I could get a small advance on next month's commission.

You would be doing me a big favour.

Erm, I'd like to.

You know I would.

But my hands are tied.

And that's a firm no?

My no is always firm.

Do you ever say yes?

When I want something... yes, I do.

Oh, well, worth a try.

Definitely.

Sorry to hear about you and your wife.

Ah.

Oh, by the way...

I haven't had your paperwork back for the motor insurance.

I'll need it by the morning.

Problem?

It's just a little driving issue.

Some speeding tickets.

It's not my fault.

Oh, tell me about it!

I got one last month, three miles over in a 20.

It's a cash grab.

I lost my licence.

I'll have it back in a couple of months, but I can't actually drive at the moment.

You can't drive?

No.

I've been getting trains and cabs to my clients, and I haven't missed a single meeting.

You realise driving is a prerequisite for this job?

It's two months.

Actually, it might be less.

This is a problem.

I need this job.

I've got the rent, I've got the mortgage, I've got kids to support.

And my wife will flip if she finds out.

I won't see my boys at all.

Let me talk to Neil.

He's your line manager.

It's up to him.

But you'll put in a good word?

You know, do what you can?

Yes.

That's a firm yes.

Good luck with your wife.

Ex-wife.

Mm.

DOORBELL RINGS Boys, your dad's here!

Hey.

Hi.

BAG THUMPS ON THE FLOOR Well, this is weird.

Have you got the key?

Yeah.

Erm, the tap drips.

You don't notice it at first, but during the night...

I'll get it fixed.

Dad!

Dad!

Ha-ha!

The dream team!

Yeah!

Give me a hug.

Come on, a big hug!

Have fun.

Right... Who's for a kickabout?

WASHING MACHINE WHIRS TAP DRIPS DRIPPING CONTINUES DRIPPING CONTINUES TAP DRIPS When's Mummy coming home?

In a couple of days.

Not tonight?

No, not tonight.

Shh... Are you and Mummy still married?

Yeah, we are.

Then why aren't you living together?

HE EXHALES Because we don't want to argue, right?

We know it upsets you.

Will you get a new wife?

No, Mummy's my wife.

And we're not getting divorced, all right?

She just doesn't know that yet.

CLICKS TONGUE PHONE BUZZES Hello?

I just phoned to say good night... to the boys.

Oh, yeah, they've just had their bath.

I'll put them on.

Who wants to say good night to Mum?

Me!

I'm first!

At least your kids are safe.

Th at's the main thing, isn't it?

Let's just catch our breath and think where your husband might be.

When was the last time you actually saw him?

Yesterday.

Before I went away.

I wasn't due back until tomorrow.

Milk?

If I hadn't come back for my laptop, I wouldn't have known you were here.

DAVID: Hello!

Oh, that's David.

Erm, now he's here, I suggest we both call our solicitors.

Don't you think?

BREATHING HEAVILY David Vaughan.

Strange circumstances to be meeting under, you'd say.

OK, er, there's been a misunderstanding.

You and your wife have been led to believe you've bought our house.

And I'm afraid you haven't.

Well... we have the keys.

Your agent gave them to us.

You've seen our solicitors' e-mails?

I haven't sold the house.

A copy of the contract, signed by you.

Is that your signature?

Is it?

DOORBELL RINGS What's happened?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Er, who are these people?

Why are they here?

I just came home and found them here.

We've bought this house.

We have a signed contract.

I didn't sign that.

I've never seen it before.

I haven't sold the house!

You need to leave now or I'm calling the police.

DOORBELL RINGS Hey.

Hey.

Anything I need to know?

Er, note's on the table.

Oh, I'm gonna change those curtains.

Alison's popping over later to check out the flat.

They're feeling sorry for me.

Oh, thanks (!)

I'm the one who has to live there all week.

Have fun.

I will.

ALISON: Look at this place.

You really shouldn't be here.

It's a joke.

It was your idea.

What was?

The bird nesting.

But I meant feathering the nest, protecting chicks, not this.

Mm.

It's not so bad.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Look...

I love Bram.

You know I do.

But maybe you should speak to your solicitor, push ahead with the divorce.

Get custody.

Secure the house.

No, I can't do that.

Why not?

It's complicated.

What's complicated?

TV PLAYS THEY ALL LAUGH DOORBELL RINGS Do you want some ice cream?

Can I come in?

No!

Are you fucking crazy?

Do you know what Fi will do if she finds out you were here?

I need to talk to you.

The boys could tell her.

Anyone could have seen you.

They didn't.

I was careful.

You need to go, please.

I'm trying to work things out with Fi.

This was just a terrible mistake.

I love her.

And I don't?

You came on to me.

Oh , really?

It was that simple?

I forced you?

Of course not.

That's not what I...

I'm pregnant.

Whose is it?

Adrian's.

Does he know?

About us?

No!

The baby.

I mean, are you going to keep it?

Of course.

I just thought you should know.

Why?

If it's not mine, why tell me?

Because pretty soon people are going to be clucking around and cooing and I don't want you making a scene thinking that it's yours.

Because it's not.

All I want is to work things out with Fi.

Have you told her?

Not yet.

They're on their way.

Confirmation from your solicitor of receipt of funds.

It's dated today at 11am.

Perhaps it might be helpful if you checked your bank account.

If she knows nothing about the sale, she's hardly likely to have received any money.

Will you take a look?

Please.

SHE SIGHS Is it there?

No.

Does your husband have his own account?

I don't have the password.

Then call him.

His phone's out of service.

That's exactly why we need the police over here.

Phones can be off for all kinds of reasons.

Sure, but if she knows nothing about it, there's a possibility Bram might not, either.

Maybe his identity's been stolen.

You can't just go around passing yourself off as other people in order to sell property.

You need passports, a proof of ownership.

Funds of this size are checked for money laundering.

There's lots of hoops to jump through.

I know because we've just done it.

Try Bram again.

That's him!

Yeah, that's him.

I stood in this very kitchen with that man.

Yo ur husband sold us this house.

In a rush?

Yeah.

Conference.

Oh, did you go through Leo's spellings with him?

Yeah.

I don't know why he 's so stressed, he knows them.

He knows them all.

He doesn't think the teacher likes him.

Right, parents' evening, she's on my list.

Erm, I should go.

I'm late.

Well, take the car.

It's fine.

If I run, I'll get the next train.

See you.

ALL: # Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday, dear Suki # Happy birthday to you!

# WOMAN: Hip-hip!

ALL: Hooray!

Hip-hip!

ALL: Hooray!

Hip-hip!

ALL: Hooray!

ALL: # For she's a jolly good fellow # For she's a jolly good fellow... # Good news.

I spoke to Neil, it's gonna be fine.

We'll arrange an intern to drive you around to key meetings until you get your licence back.

I don't know what to say.

You've saved my life.

Well, I wouldn't want to get in the way of a smooth divorce.

Sorry, I think I'm a little tipsy.

No, no, you're... You're fine.

Do you want to know a secret?

I've got a room for the night.

Here.

And I am too drunk to drive home.

How about you?

Do you have to rush off?

PHONE BUZZES Erm... Two seconds.

Sorry.

PHONE LINE RINGS BRAM: 'Hello?'

Hi.

Where are you?

I'm still at the conference.

'Having a good time?'

Er, you know.

'Drinks with the lads.

You?'

A quiet night in.

What's wrong?

'Nothing.'

Listen... why don't you pop in on your way back?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Is there a problem?

No.

No problem.

I just thought we could talk.

Yeah, erm...

I'll be there in one hour.

Oh, come on, lad.

HE HONKS THE HORN ENGINE REVS SHE SIGHS Fuck me!

TYRES SQUEAL Je sus Christ!

ENGINE REVS TYRES SQUEAL LOUD CRASH TYRES SQUEAL ENGINE STARTS Subtitles by [email protected]