Here & Now

Same-Sex Marriage in Wisconsin

Zac Schultz:

Good evening. I’m Zac Schultz filling in for Frederica Freyberg. Tonight, we’ll take a deeper look at one of the biggest stories of the year, the court decisions that made same sex marriage legal across most of the country. We'll talk about the actions of the US Supreme Court. We'll look at the next battleground over LGBT rights, and we'll hear from an opponent of gay marriage. But first, we’ll hear from a couple who say even with same-sex marriage now legal in Wisconsin they face a lot of hurdles to be legally recognized as a family.

Jessica Bachhuber:

I like the city you built here. Looks like a lot of different buildings.

Zac Schultz:

When a federal judge struck down Wisconsin’s gay marriage ban last June Jess and Cynthia Bachhuber had two distinct emotions. First, they were happy.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

I think emotionally we were, like, this is great! We went out for ice cream.

Zac Schultz:

Then confused.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

Everyone's like, do you guys need to get married? I don’t think we do, I think we’re married.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Because you aren't sure. Like, what does it mean for us?

Zac Schultz:

Jess and Cynthia were married in Iowa in 2013 after the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Iowa did a great job of making it a really painless, happy process.

Zac Schultz:

They mainly did it for federal tax purposes.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

We said, okay, let’s go get married.

Jessica Bachhuber:

That doesn't sound romantic though. As far as we were concerned, we already were.

Zac Schultz:

Their first wedding came in 2007 in Wisconsin, even though it wasn’t legally recognized.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

We called it a wedding because that’s what it was. That's what it was to us.

Zac Schultz:

Even without legal recognition, they consider themselves married. In 2011 Jess became pregnant with their daughter, Greta.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

Oh, okay, we’re pregnant. Now what do we need to do?

Zac Schultz:

Jess was the biological mother, but because they weren’t legally married Cynthia was not recognized as a parent. They decided the best option was for Cynthia to adopt Greta.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

That means that that child needs to be adoptable, meaning they don’t have parents. So what we had to do was, for the time being, Jess had to give up her parental rights.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Who should I play with?

Cynthia Bachhuber:

So we went before a judge in La Crosse and, yeah, he revoked your rights and then we petitioned to adopt her together.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Should we dance?

Zac Schultz:

For 20 minutes Greta had no parents. Then she had two.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

It was really emotionally draining.

Jessica Bachhuber:

There is nothing worse than signing that document saying, yes, I’m giving up my child, a child that you’ve wanted your whole life.

Greta Bachhuber:

Don't fall again, Daniel Tiger.

Jessica Bachhuber:

I'll try. This was the paperwork for Greta’s adoption. So this was all of the things we had to read and sign and all of that, to eventually finally get the birth certificate that has both of us listed as parents. Every other family just starts with this.

Zac Schultz:

Legally, Jess and Cynthia are Greta's adoptive parents.

Jessica Bachhuber:

I’m mommy and Cynthia is mama. And Greta was very specific about that. She will tell you if you get it wrong.

Zac Schultz:

Jess and Cynthia try not to get too worked up over the battle of gay marriage. They don’t hold any ill will towards those who oppose their union, even when conservatives’ main argument is that traditional marriage is about children.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

I feel sad for them that your life mission is to be against something. I would much rather–

Jessica Bachhuber:

Against something that's love, I mean–

Zac Schultz:

But they get frustrated when they need to hire a lawyer to get the same protections heterosexual couples get automatically.

Jessica Bachhuber:

We pay so much more and do so much more just to–

Cynthia Bachhuber:

Just extra little

Jessica Bachhuber:

–just to be seen as the same family as the family down the street. It just seems really unfair and really discriminatory.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Look, Lainey Lou's out.

Zac Schultz:

Even with their marriage now recognized in Wisconsin questions remain.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Wanna come see your sister?

Zac Schultz:

Cynthia gave birth to Lainey in October. This time it was Jess who was not recognized as a parent, but legally they couldn’t give Lainey up and then adopt her as a couple like they did with Greta.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

The whole adoption for Greta hinged on us not being married. Well, now maybe we were married.

Zac Schultz:

So they would go to court and argue for parentage, which is what an unmarried heterosexual couple would have to do.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

We decided that, you know what? This child was conceived and born within a marriage. You’re not an adoptive mom, we're not adopting this child, so we would like to argue for just a court ordered parentage.

Zac Schultz:

A court date has been set for January 6th. Until then, even as Jess holds Lainey in her arms, the state says they have no official relationship.

Jessica Bachhuber:

I’m nothing, legally.

Zac Schultz:

You’re just a friend.

Jessica Bachhuber:

I don't Yeah, I would have no rights if something should happen. I have no rights over her right now.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

Yeah.

Jessica Bachhuber:

Yeah.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

Even though we’re married according to federal government, state government. It’s gotta– They’re going to have to figure something out, because this is– You know, waiting for two months after a baby is born to establish–

Jessica Bachhuber:

It's too long.

Cynthia Bachhuber:

–rights and responsibilities.