Agatha and the Midnight Murders

[ Bomb crashes ] [ Air-raid siren wailing ] [ Plane flies overhead ] [ Siren continues ] [ Gas mask hissing ] [ Indistinct shouting ] [ Woman whimpering ] [ Car door opens ] [ Engine idling ] [ Car door closes ] -Mrs. Christie.

You look like my mum.

-You shaved your moustache.

-Yeah.

Distinguishable feature.

-You look like Mrs. Danvers.

-[ Chuckles ] -That's not a good thing.

She's the housekeeper.

-I know who she is.

-Is everything ready?

-Tied up like a Nazi in a brothel.

-That's...not very reassuring.

-Plans haven't changed since the last time we spoke, just as they hadn't changed the time before that.

Relax.

The death of Poirot won't be in vain.

New man?

-Not so new.

-Faithful?

-Not so faithful.

He knows which side his bread's buttered.

-You've grown up.

-Yes.

-I like it.

-So do I.

What about you?

Is the war good for business?

-[ Sighs ] Terrible.

Market's flooded with amateurs.

-Well, we all make sacrifices.

-Yeah, not all of us can sacrifice a few words for 20,000 pounds.

-55,000.

-You -- You said 20,000!

-Words!

Words.

[ Chuckles ] -Oh.

-Well, it's still a healthy commission.

And with the Inland Revenue stalking me, I need every penny.

-Mm.

Are you sure you want to do this?

-Not really, but I don't have a choice.

I'm almost bankrupt.

-These people are most likely criminals.

-Well, that's why I've got you.

-Fine.

But if I have to kill anyone, I want danger money on top of me 10%.

Unless they're Canadian.

-[ Chuckles ] [ Brakes squeak ] [ Engine shuts off ] -It is time.

-Thank you.

[ Knock on door ] -[ Chuckles ] [ Speaks Cantonese ] Hmm?

[ Both laugh ] -Mr. Lei would be grateful if you could make every endeavor to, uh, look your best whilst representing him.

[ Conversing in Cantonese ] -Oh.

-[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -Hmm.

[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Sighs ] [ Speaks in Cantonese ] Okay.

[ Clears throat, exhales ] [ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Laughs ] [ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Sighs ] [ Conversing in Cantonese ] -[ Scoffs ] Ah.

[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Chuckles ] -[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -We should go.

-Would you like to hear our air-raid procedures?

-Not really.

Would you like to hear my opinion on Americans?

[ Lighter clicks ] -Is there any nationality you do tolerate?

-The Russians.

You know where you stand with the Russians.

They tell you before they stab you in the back.

The Americans will stab you in the back, watch you bleed out, and then offer to sell you a funeral plan.

-You haven't changed.

-That's because I was already perfect.

Besides, you can't trust people who do.

-Five minutes ago, you said you liked it.

-When we first met, you spent most of the time lying.

Seems to me you stopped pretending to be someone you're not.

That isn't really change.

-Am I really that transparent?

-I won't tell anyone.

They might take advantage of it.

-I'd like to see them try.

-[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -Oh.

Mr. Lei wishes to know, what do you do when you're not protecting people?

-I play the saxophone.

-Hmm.

[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Laughs ] He says... "Mrs. Christie, it is a pleasure to meet you."

"I have read every one of your books and believe you to be the finest author of detective novels in the world."

-Oh!

[ Laughs ] That's very kind of you.

But I'm old enough and modest enough to know that Conan Doyle is better.

-[ Laughs ] [ Translates in Cantonese ] -Conan Doyle?

[ Spits ] -If anyone in the Chungking Mansions is found reading Sherlock Holmes, they're soon looking for a new home.

-I'm very happy to know that my hard work will be in the hands of someone who appreciates it.

-[ Translates in Cantonese ] -Have you got the money?

-In our culture, these proceedings have certain...formalities.

-Well, in our culture, you have to pay before you see the bearded woman.

-Mr. Lei has 20,000 pounds in his coat pocket.

Mr. Vella is here to ensure it remains there until we have the manuscript.

-Sounds reasonable.

-And the deed.

-I'll sign it when I have the money.

And then the manuscript will be legally yours, and you can do whatever you want with it.

-Agreed.

-Let's seal this with a drink.

-Soft one.

-You don't drink?

-No.

-Since when?

-Since forever.

-Ah!

[ Whistles ] Hey!

Four zombies and a soda water.

Assuming your wop likes to stay sharp?

-I'm Maltese.

-Oh, you speak English.

You drink?

-Only with people I don't want to punch.

-[ Laughs ] -All right, well, I don't know what a zombie is.

You wanna see the cocktail menu?

-You're the first American I've met who doesn't know how to make a zombie.

How about I make the drinks and you pay for 'em?

[ Air-raid siren wails ] -Perhaps now you'd like to hear about our air-raid procedures?

[ Door slams ] -[ Panting ] We need to get belowground.

Now!

-You need to pull yourself together.

Do you know how many times I've heard that siren?

96.

Can you guess how many times I've been blown up?

I'm enjoying a civilized drink in an uncivilized place.

I couldn't care less if Hitler was attacking on a...unicorn.

Chin-chin.

-[ Giggles ] -Is it possible it's a false alarm?

Attacks this far out are unusual.

-My name is PC O'Hanauer.

I'm here to make sure that you're not being scooped up with trowels tomorrow morning.

As the only occupied public building in the vicinity, I'm instructed to evacuate you or find shelter, and there's no time for an evacuation.

Do you have cellars?

-Um... we have a, uh, shelter in the ballroom.

It's, uh, pretty strong.

-Is it strong enough to survive this building falling on top of it?

-Well, it's just through there, along with the second-largest gramophone in London.

You wanna see?

-Is there a cellar?

-It is against fire regulations to let the public go down there.

-How about if we're on fire?

-Let me guess.

You're using it for storing black-market goods.

Just tell me where the cellars are.

-[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -It's behind the bar, down the stairs.

[ Indistinct talking ] -[ Giggles ] -In an orderly fashion, please make your way down the stairs.

-Or what?

-Or you'll be watching phosphorus burn through your internal organs.

-You may be invincible, darling, but I'm not.

Come on!

-[ Sighs ] -Evening, ladies.

What are nice girls like you doing in a place like this?

-We're tourists.

-Sightseeing.

It's a cheap time to visit London.

-This'll do fine.

Make your guests at home.

I'm going back upstairs, check there's no one left behind.

-[ Whispers ] [ Speaking Italian ] -Apparently... everything in this... is his.

-[ Speaking Italian ] -[ Chuckles ] He's threatening us.

You cannot buy his stuff, but if you take it... -Yes?

What happens if we take it?

-I kill you.

-How?

By mangling the English language?

[ Women gasp ] -[ Whispering ] You're supposed to be protecting me, not starting a fight!

-Now we know what we're up against.

-Any more questions?

-How much for this '93 d'Yquem?

-[ Sighs ] -Oh.

-I can't afford to let this interfere with our plans.

-You really do need the money, don't you?

-Yes.

-Well, we'd better get a move on.

Our man's a little nervous.

Don't worry, it's not as if -- [ Muffled explosions ] -[ Panting ] The docks are burning.

-Aren't they rather a long way off?

-Have you ever been in an air raid?

They'll follow a line up the Thames.

We're the next stop.

-How do you know?

-Have you two just escaped from the funny farm?

-Did you see any markers?

Something to suggest that we're a target?

Flares or fires?

Anything that could be a guide to the German bombers?

-Didn't see any markers.

-Then, hopefully... Goring will leave us alone.

And if he doesn't, we're safe here.

Think of all those poor people up -- [ Indistinct conversation ] -Your new man?

-Max.

No.

-Here's hoping you change your mind.

Max will be fine.

I've seen your house.

It could take a direct hit, I'd still struggle to break in.

Also, think about it.

They've dropped hundreds of thousands of bombs, and what, killed 10 people?

Chances of Max going for a Burton are about the same as me going straight.

[ Whistling ] Goring has only got one ball Hitler has plums so very small Himmler's so...similar And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all Hitler has only got one ball The other is in the Albert Hall His mother, the dirty bugger Cut his ... off when he got too tall [ All joining in ] She threw it into the apple tree It fell off into the deep blue sea The fishes took out their dishes And had scallops and bollocks for tea [ Laughs ] -Thank you.

[ Whispering ] Right, let's sell this bloody thing and go home.

-[ Sighs ] -Frankie.

-Maybe now's not the best time.

-We just need to be tactful.

Maybe I'll be tactful whilst you guard the manuscript.

-It's not going anywhere.

-Of course.

But maybe I should... -Trust me?

[ Thud ] -[ Speaks in Cantonese ] Hey!

Ah.

[ Conversing in Cantonese ] Would you mind opening this door?

-I-I-I don't think the man who threatened to kill us would be happy -- -[ Shouts in Cantonese ] -Now!

-Enter this room, I carve my name on your balls.

-[ Laughs ] What is your name?

-Eli Sciacchitano.

-My balls aren't that big.

-[ Whispering ] Okay, there's a policewoman over there.

-Why don't we pick this up after the bombs stop falling?

-Until next time.

-Hmm.

-After you.

-Thank you.

[ Match strikes ] -[ Blows ] Just give him a moment.

-[ Pants ] -I need to show you something.

-Could you tell Mr. Lei I'll be back shortly?

-Yes, of course.

-[ Speaking Cantonese ] -I took my eyes off it for 30 seconds.

-That's my future.

-I thought Mussolini was about to stab you.

-Uh, is everything all right?

-She left the oven on.

-Did you see anyone near my bag?

-Something's missing?

-Our privacy.

Since when did you start trusting strangers with our business?

-I trusted you!

-I was making sure you didn't get perforated.

-I wasn't in any danger.

-If you die, I don't get paid.

-If I don't sell the manuscript, nobody gets paid.

You do realize that 10% of nothing is nothing?

-I'm aware.

-At least without this... it's stolen property.

-Hmm.

Or unfinished business.

-[ Whispering ] It can't have been taken on purpose.

No one knows.

-Should we leave?

-That's not like you.

-I wasn't expecting trouble.

I might have... exaggerated my skills as a bodyguard.

-I might have downplayed the importance of this deal.

-If I'd have known, I'd have asked for more money.

-[ Laughs ] I don't believe I'm laughing.

-What do we do now?

We find out who has the manuscript and take it back.

-It could be anyone.

Frankie might have paid someone to steal it.

-Storeroom, over there.

-Okay.

-Where do we start?

-By breaking your golden rule?

-Never rub another man's rhubarb?

-Your other one.

Concerning the police... and keeping one's mouth shut.

-And I always thought no one ever listened to me.

[ Rattling ] -Excuse me?

-Yeah?

-My name is -- -Yeah, I know who you are.

-I need to report a theft.

-Now?

-Yes.

-Right, what?

-Something important was stolen out of my bag a few minutes ago.

-What is it?

-A manuscript.

-Doesn't sound important.

-Are you looking for something?

Perhaps I can help.

I'm good at finding things.

-Then find your manuscript.

-It's been stolen.

There's a reward.

-[ Scoffs ] I'm a police constable.

-So it's your job to investigate a crime.

-Right.

I'll look into it.

-When?

-When the air raid's over.

-When everyone's left?

-I've got me hands full.

-Doing what?

I'll make a deal with you.

-I told you, I'm an officer of the law.

-All you have to do is stop people from leaving.

-Well, they can't leave.

There's an air raid.

-Stop them from leaving, even if they choose to ignore it.

-And?

-And what?

-What's in it for me?

-I thought you were a police officer.

-I won't write a best-selling series of novels about an idiotic PC called O'Hanauer.

-Always wanted to be a villain.

-[ Scoffs ] I can do that.

-Not a stupid one.

[ Indistinct conversations ] -What happened?

-She'll stop people from leaving.

[ Gate door opens ] -What now?

-We find out if Frankie's behind all this.

-There's something funny about those two.

-You noticed?

-Can't put my finger on it.

-They're lying.

-Everyone's lying.

-Ah.

[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -Mrs. Christie, he is most happy to see you.

-My manuscript has been stolen.

-[ Speaking in Cantonese ] -Frankie.

-Ugh.

[ Speaking in Cantonese ] -Oh, sorry.

Where are my manners?

-Oh, no, thank you.

-Could you tell Mr. Lei that whoever took the manuscript is still here.

We need to find out who so we can conclude our business and go home.

-Mm.

-[ Speaking in Cantonese ] -Hmm.

Ah!

[ Speaks in Cantonese ] [ Screams ] -Um, we should...ask Rocco, uh, what he thinks would be the best way to find the person responsible.

-I, uh, think I know who has it.

-You do?

-Follow me.

-Hmm.

-[ Gasps ] -[ Gasps ] -Oh.

[ Clears throat ] [ Speaks in Cantonese ] -[ Whispering ] -[ Exhales sharply ] -Um... Mr. Lei is not feeling well.

-Can we do anything?

-No, I'll -- I'll stay with him.

I think he feels better in this room.

It makes him feel... -Safe.

-Yes.

-[ Clears throat ] [ Door opens ] -[ Speaking in Cantonese ] [ Door closes ] -[ Clears throat, grunts ] -[ Grunts ] -[ Speaking in Italian ] -No.

I have come to take back what you stole from this lady.

-She doesn't look like she has anything good to steal.

-I'm about to win a particularly good bottle of Taylor's, so would you mind...off?

-You are a great man, Mr. Campbell, but I can't do that.

-It's "Sir," actually.

-Hand over the manuscript, and I will consider us even.

-[ Speaking in Italian ] [ Women gasping ] -No!

Oh!

-[ Gasps ] -[ Screams, gasping ] -Oh!

Oh.

-[ Gags ] -You all right?

-[ Gagging ] -Do something.

-Uh, undo his button.

Give him some air.

-[ Straining, mutters in Cantonese ] -[ Speaks indistinctly ] -Give me your hand.

-[ Groaning ] [ Speaking in Cantonese ] -[ Speaks in Cantonese ] -You need to sit on his chest.

-What?

-He's having a heart attack.

If we don't apply pressure, he'll die.

-[ Groaning ] -Where in God's name did you learn that?

-I'm saving his life.

-Get off him and help me get him on his front.

Move.

-Did I tell you to move?

-[ Groaning ] -[ Speaking in Cantonese ] -When you've finished stuffing the Christmas turkey, I think you'll find he's dead.

-Dead?!

-Oh, much like that servant you contained.

Grace has spent the last few minutes trying to talk him back to life.

-It didn't work.

-[ Sobbing ] Frankie.

[ Speaking in Cantonese ] -Keep going.

-[ Sobbing in Cantonese ] -He's -- He's dead.

-Who'd have thought it?

Witchcraft doesn't work.

-Have some respect.

-[ Gasps ] -I'll show respect when you lot start doing what I say.

-[ Sobbing ] -Sir Malcolm is right.

I killed him.

-It was self-defense.

-And all's well that ends well.

In my day, deserters would be shot.

-It looks like we got ourselves a morgue.

You'd better bring in the body.

That wasn't a request.

This area is out of bounds until the authorities arrive.

-We can't just leave him here.

We can't just leave him here.

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but we've got no choice.

-No.

-Next time someone questions my authority, I will arrest them.

-How could Frankie just die?

-He never had any -- any heart problems before?

-No.

He was easily excitable, but... No, he was in good health.

-I need to ask you something.

-What?

-Where is the money?

-The money?

It -- It's in his pocket.

Y-You think someone did this?

-Shh.

It's possible we're being targeted.

-But the only people that knew about it were you.

-I have never killed anyone before.

-We have to check if Frankie still has the money.

-It's easier said than done.

Second thoughts -- leave that with me.

[ Snaps fingers ] I've got a way for you to atone for your sins.

Just promise you'll try not to kill anyone else.

Go talk to the policewoman.

Trust me.

I'm gonna get you in that room.

Hey, my Italian's not up to much, but Rocco tells me you're a...

I think that means you're a... but I'm not really sure.

[ Indistinct talking ] -What do you want?

-I think two deaths in one night is enough.

-You hear this?

You hear what this murdering pig is calling me?

So if I am a... -Stop that.

-...you are coward.

-Stop it.

Oi.

[ Men arguing ] -The money's gone, and I think he was poisoned.

I assume whoever did it has the manuscript.

-And needs the deed.

-My instinct says we can trust Jun, Rocco, Audrey, and Nell... but my instinct when it comes to trust is usually wrong.

-How can we trust Jun and Rocco?

They're the only ones that knew about the money.

Look, we should set a trap.

Use the deed to draw out whoever it is.

-And risk losing that, as well?

-How about I tell everyone I've heard the all-clear and then we see who makes a run for it?

-[ Scoffs ] I imagine they all will.

-Do you have a better plan?

-Yes.

To not catch the killer.

-Do nothing?

-Not nothing.

We find the manuscript and go home.

-We give up?

-No, not give up.

We live to fight another day.

-Sounds a lot like giving up.

Oh, well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

-You realize I have neither.

-No, I'll take it on tick.

-Well, you'll be joining a long queue.

-Yeah, I know where you live.

So, all we have to do is get the killer to give you back the manuscript for no reason.

Let me guess.

You're gonna tell everyone who you are and ask politely.

-[ Clears throat ] My name is Agatha Christie.

I'm a novelist.

Someone here has stolen something very important to me.

Please, may I have it back?

-You're Agatha Christie?

-What's been stolen?

-Clearly not her sense of humor.

If she's Agatha Christie, I'm the emperor of Japan.

-She is Agatha Christie.

I've seen her picture in the paper.

-I told you she looked familiar.

-Bollocks.

What on Earth would Agatha Christie be doing here?

-If you want our help, perhaps you should be more forthcoming.

-I-I don't want your help.

I just want my manuscript back.

Without the deed... you can't sell it.

It's -- It's worthless.

-What's it about?

Your missing novel.

-Someone who thinks they can get away with murder.

And it isn't missing.

It's been stolen... by one of you.

[ Lighter clicks ] -What's the reward... if I find it?

-The reward is not going to prison.

[ Lighter clicks ] -A grand.

-A thousand pounds?

-That's what I said.

-Is that right, Mrs. Christie?

How do I know you have 1,000 pounds?

-Her books sell like prophylactics in a whorehouse.

She's richer than the queen.

[ Chair scratches floor ] -Well, that worked.

-I was hoping to -- to reason with them, not start a wild-goose chase.

-Better than nothing.

-And what if somebody actually finds it?

Where am I going to get 1,000 pounds?

-Hmm.

Didn't think of that.

Tell you what.

If I find it, you can add it to my tab.

-Bollocks.

-Something wrong?

-It seems that telepathic ability declines with age.

-Like most things.

-Everything but one's sex life.

Three of hearts.

Oh, it's very unfortunate.

-Why did you call the barman a deserter?

-Why else would a Canadian be here?

-I thought he was American.

-Only people with an acute sense of hearing can tell the difference.

-What are you two doing?

-Did you know that Canada isn't actually a country?

-This is not it.

-[ Speaking Italian ] -G-Gentlemen, gentlemen.

-As I was trying to say to Mr. Stabby here, this is sheet music for a number called, oh, "Tell the Gardener I am Ready to be Watered."

-[ Speaking Italian ] -Enough of this stupid game.

I want everyone over here.

Come on.

Move it.

-Can I keep this?

It's a show I'd like to see.

-As far as I'm concerned, this manuscript isn't worth the paper it's written on.

But given the disorder it's causing, I'm forced to do something about it.

I want everyone to give up their bags and belongings for a search.

-Jack of hearts.

-[ Chuckles ] -I'm so sorry.

What were you saying?

-What right do you have to search our personal possessions?

-I'm a police officer.

-It doesn't work like that.

-And how the hell would you know?

-Do you like both your arms?

-I don't have a bag.

What are you going to do?

See if I've stuffed it down my knickers?

-I, uh, will not let you search Miss Yuhuan's property.

-[ Speaking Italian ] -Plenty more room in the morgue.

Bet you didn't know they started issuing us with these.

Apparently, people don't respect the police anymore.

-Maybe that's 'cause all the good ones are off fighting Germans.

-I think this situation is getting out of control.

Could I make a suggestion?

-What?

-That you only search items large enough to contain my manuscript.

-Fine.

We'll start with the obvious criminal.

Drop the toothpick.

-[ Speaking Italian ] [ Thud ] -Pick that up and bring it over here.

Given the dead Canadian, you might wanna stay in me good books.

Where's your bag?

-Hmm.

-Where is your bag?

Right, search it.

[ Bag unzips ] -Yes.

Oh.

-[ Speaking Italian ] -[ Sighs ] -Do you think... -It's all here.

-...I would be so stupid as to do that?

You are being made a fool of.

-Put him in with the other guests.

[ Indistinct talking ] -I'm happy you found it, but how do I know you haven't stolen the money?

That you haven't set this whole thing up?

-I'm very sorry about Frankie, but... there's no proof it was murder.

-[ Scoffs ] -Perhaps all this was a coincidence?

-What?

So somebody just chanced on the 20,000 pounds in Frankie's pocket?

-I have to go home to my husband.

-What the hell are you two doing?

-We're leaving.

-No.

I've got two corpses and one air raid.

You're not going anywhere.

-A heart attack and an accident are not reasons to keep me here.

If I want to risk getting blown up, I will.

We're leaving.

-No, you're not.

-What are you gonna do?

Shoot me?

-I'll...shoot you.

I'll shoot anyone who doesn't follow...instructions!

Say one more thing.

Please.

-Did you hear about the grenadier who lost the left side of his body in an explosion?

He's all right now.

-[ Laughing ] That's very good.

[ Lighter clicks ] My nephew... has killed 37 German pilots.

He's the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

[ Both laughing ] [ All laughing ] -Will you at least go and find out if the air raid's over?

We haven't heard anything for a while.

-We'd all like to leave.

-Yes, so would I.

-It could be dangerous up there.

If you don't want to go, I will.

-The only thing I don't wanna do is leave you lot alone.

-I'll go with you.

It'll be quicker with two.

Maltese Falcon can be left in charge.

-Okay.

[ Gate door opens ] Anyone tries any funny business... feel free to forget your own strength.

[ Gate door creaks, closes ] -It's shocking.

-I know.

-I think we should take a seat.

-Mm.

-Mind if we join you?

-Absolutely not.

-[ Sighs ] Thank you.

-Thank you.

[ Sighs ] [ Exhales ] I thought she was going to shoot you.

-[ Scoffs ] She was just trying to scare me.

-Have you ever had a gun pointed at you before?

-Not with intent.

-Hmm.

Take it from me.

Your friend's joke just saved your life.

-You should be more careful.

People can be unpredictable.

-Well, at least you got your manuscript back.

While we wait, why not tell us the story?

-Yes.

You said it was about someone who thinks they can get away with murder.

Sounds very exciting.

-It's not.

-But your books are always so clever.

-This one isn't.

-Surprising?

-[ Chuckles ] -Well, why bother writing it, then?

-The Americans stopped paying royalties, and the Revenue think I'm a thief.

I need the money.

-Huh.

-Oh.

-I did a children's party once.

A 7-year-old rode me like a donkey into the swimming pool.

-Oh, darling.

-Segrave's fault.

Bastard.

-You must care a little bit.

You could have written about something else.

-A book about the war?

-That would sell like hotcakes.

-And remind everyone about our present horrors?

-How about a spy story?

-I finished one of those last year.

Hasn't been published.

They're worried it won't sell.

-Why not test it on us?

-[ Scoffs ] I don't test my novels.

-A spy story makes sense.

You must meet all sorts of interesting people.

You must know all sorts of secrets.

-The only secret I know is how to sell a million books and not have any money.

[ Chuckles ] [ Air-raid siren blaring ] -It's no closer but just as bad.

-Almost makes me wanna tell the conscription board my real age.

-I'm gonna check on the prisoner.

-Would anyone like to play yet more cards?

-Yes, please.

-Why not?

-How about a game of shark?

-Hmm.

-I don't know that.

-[ Sighs ] -Couldn't we just make a dash for it?

-Even if we escape the mad PC, it's like an Irishman's wedding up there.

-Are you going to deal, then?

-Thank you.

-For what?

-I'm told you just saved my life.

-Yeah.

Got to protect my investment.

-This rate, you won't get much of a return.

-You ever fail to get what you want?

-I'm quite persistent.

-Which is why I'm confident.

You'll get your 20 grand.

I'll get my commission.

-We met for a few days 14 years ago.

I don't know anything about you.

-Yeah.

My story's different.

It's a potboiler.

Do what I have to to survive.

-I've written a few potboilers.

Do you know what defines them?

They always make money.

They never let you down.

-Don't speak too soon.

[ Scoffs ] Don't worry.

It's the Italian.

The only people he can kill are already dead.

-It isn't Eli.

-It must be.

He had the manuscript.

-When was the last time you met someone who could write better English than they spoke?

-Oh.

-Please don't lose it again.

-What -- What are you doing?

-The man who wrote this is tied up in there sleeping it off.

Thanks for the evidence.

-Does it occur to you that perfect spelling and grammar might not be his strong point?

-She's smarter than us.

-I suppose that might be true, about the grammar.

-If it is, Eli didn't steal the manuscript, and the murderer is free to kill again.

-Unless our Italian is faking it.

He's probably from Stepney.

People aren't always what they seem, Mrs. Christie.

Eli obviously isn't as illiterate as he makes out.

-You said sleeping.

-What?

-You said Eli was sleeping it off.

[ Dramatic music plays ] -Eli?

[ Groans ] -Oh.

Oh, my... -When you said you were gonna go and check on the prisoner, did you mean the kind of check that might spot he looked like King Harold?

-No, I had no idea.

I didn't know.

-His head's been used as a pincushion.

-We should tell the others.

-You think I did this?

No.

No, I didn't touch that knife.

I promise.

S-Someone's taken it from me pocket.

No.

It wasn't me, I swear.

What are we gonna do?

-You're going to go back out there and tell everyone what's happened.

-No, I can't.

That's... No, it's too much.

-Once everybody's aware of the situation, we'll wait for the all-clear to sound.

At that point, you will go and get help.

-Why don't you just give the killer what he wants?

They're just words.

-They're my words.

I won't give them up to a murderer.

-Go check for clues or something.

Piss off over there.

As much as I hate to admit it, she might be right.

We could hand it over and go home.

-I can't give him up for nothing.

-Poirot?

Perhaps you're more attached to him than you admit.

-I'm not.

I just have to get paid.

He owes me.

-He's not real.

-Is there anyone in your life who's been around 20 years and not...you over?

-Come back.

Time to start pretending you're in charge.

Don't think you'll find it too hard.

[ Door closes ] -You need to come with us.

-Why?

-I want everyone together.

-I wish to be on my own.

-I will not leave Miss Yuhuan.

-You'll want to hear this.

-Rummy.

-Oh, blast.

-You've got four kings.

Where did you get these cards?

-That Italian bugger.

It's a miracle I won anything.

-Can I have everyone's attention?

-Are we finally being allowed to leave?

-There's a situation in the other room.

-Please don't tell me you've allowed him to escape.

-He's dead.

Stabbed in the eye with his own knife.

He demanded Mrs. Christie hand over the manuscript or more people die.

-I was looking forward to this mystery playing out, but given the change of circumstances... we're leaving.

-We've been through this before.

Don't make me lock you up, as well.

-I've killed five people, three of them on purpose.

My current duties allow me to shoot first and ask questions never.

-Would you mind if I came with you?

-More the merrier.

-We'll come, also.

-Us, too.

-As the French might say as they laid down their arms, "Fait accompli."

-Are you some sort of war hero?

-I've had my moments.

-You're not a man who scares easy?

-Some people are born without sexual organs.

I was born without fear.

-So you wouldn't think twice about hunting down the person that's caused us all this trouble.

-You can't hunt a ghost.

-That's just what I was thinking.

Anyone here believe in ghosts?

-I once saw the head of a Japanese woman floating towards me.

I was on the loo, and -- -If you have a point, just make it.

-Well, two people have been murdered.

No one's seen anything.

So it must be a ghost.

-There's someone else here.

-Of course.

-All this time?

-That does explain everything.

-Maybe.

But it's all rather frightening.

What are we going to do?

-Well, we've got two guns and a couple of killers.

Seems to me we should find the bastard and return the lady's money.

-We'll search room by room.

-I won't leave Miss Yuhuan.

-I will come with you.

-It's too dangerous.

-They need your help.

-[ Sighs ] I'll look after her.

Given I'm the brains in this operation, I should stay behind the front lines.

Besides, someone needs to be here in case our uninvited guest makes a run for it.

I'm sure you know how to use this.

-If you don't go, I will.

-We'll start over there.

-Okay.

-Why don't you accompany your gun?

-I'm staying here.

-Scared?

-Don't trust you.

-Don't worry.

I'll keep you safe.

-I'm coming.

-Me too.

-Stop.

We need something to protect ourselves.

That's for you...and for you.

And, yes... Mrs. Christie, I think this one's yours.

Oh.

[ Laughs ] Thank you, my dear, but I'd likely hurt myself.

-Very well.

Okay.

[ Gate door creaks ] -No one make a sound.

[ Gun clicks ] [ Gunshots ] -[ Gasps ] -And now we have the psychological advantage.

Give me your gun.

You have only fired six shots.

-I always save the last one for myself.

Come on, then, hurry up.

Give it to me.

Try not to die like a dog!

We could always set fire to the furniture and smoke him out.

-Or maybe he isn't here?

-He must be on the other side.

-Probably wondering if there's anyone left to blackmail.

-We should go.

-Yes, yes.

The others might well be worried about us.

-[ Screams ] [ Panting ] -I don't know what happened.

-Oh, God.

-He's alive.

-She's dead.

-[ Mumbles indistinctly ] -What are you doing?

-Trying to help you.

-Give me the gun.

-Who are you going to shoot?

-You, if you do not give me the gun.

-Revenge is a dish best served by professionals.

-Give me the gun, or I'll snap your neck.

-Don't you think it's time you intervened?

All I care about is that no one else gets hurt.

I know you're investigating me.

I'll do anything you want.

Just help us!

-What are you suggesting?

-Someone has to stop this madness.

And then I can do what the killer wants -- deliver the deed and the manuscript.

-About bloody time.

I nearly died for 20 grand.

-Who in God's name are you?

-Someone who knows the palace relies on you for their evacuation plans and would take a dim view of your extracurricular activities.

-We're being bombed, not invaded.

-Let's hope King George feels like that and that the Germans haven't landed at Ramsgate.

-Bertie's probably loaded for bears and listening to Jelly Roll Morton.

-Why should I take any notice of you?

-Because if you don't, you'll spend the rest of the war making furniture in an internment camp.

-[ Groans ] -Are you all right?

-Have I died and gone to heaven?

-[ Laughs ] No.

St. Peter has standards.

-[ Groans ] -Shh, no, don't move.

-No, I have to.

-I challenged her to a game of snap, and then my world went dark.

I'm sorry.

I -- I don't remember anything.

-It doesn't matter.

It is my fault.

-You didn't kill anyone.

Murder anyone.

-He's going to get away with it.

-He bloody well isn't.

We'll make sure of that.

-Before I deliver the manuscript, will you check it's safe up there?

I don't want to complicate things by getting blown up.

-Scared?

-Yes.

But also keen not to make any further mistakes.

-Okay.

But I want my gun back.

-Did you tell PC O'Hanauer how much Frankie was paying for our manuscript?

-Of course I didn't.

-I don't think Jun would have said anything.

Or Rocco.

-You don't think -- -[ Sighs ] Well, I don't know.

-She doesn't come across as a master criminal.

What are we gonna do?

-Tell the tax inspectors.

-Tax inspectors, my arse.

-Well, whoever does the Revenue's dirty work.

Either way, they're the closest thing we have to authority.

-Unless they're the ones trying to blackmail you.

-I trust them.

-And what were you saying about your trust issues?

-Well, we have to trust someone.

-Yes.

Each other.

It's time for you to do what you suggested.

Give up the manuscript and the deed.

Once we're out of here, someone else can catch the killer and get it back.

[ Gate creaks open ] -All quiet on the western front.

-Is the air raid over?

-No idea.

-Didn't you hear anything?

-I didn't hear the all-clear.

-You certainly can't trust her.

-I know.

I've got a plan.

[ Grunts ] I'm coming with you.

Oh.

Or not.

-Don't worry.

I'll make sure she delivers the goods.

-I'll come, too.

-Fine.

-Good, because it's not your decision.

-And, in God's name, find out if we can leave.

Please.

[ Gate creaks ] -On you go.

-It must be over.

-Is something wrong?

-What are you doing?

-Checking nothing's on fire.

-Well, don't.

-Why not?

-Because I said so.

-What part of our previous conversation do you not understand?

-Stop that.

Stop that.

-Stop what?

-Oi, come back.

Where's the deed?

-It's here.

-Sign it.

-I intend to.

[ Gun clicks ] Sign it now.

Get behind the bar.

What are you waiting for?

-You haven't thought this through.

-What's there to think about?

Sign it, or I'll shoot you.

That's the problem.

If you shoot me, I can't sign it.

-I'll shoot her.

-Which is also not a great idea.

If you shoot her, we don't have a witness.

-A what?

-My signature has to be witnessed.

-You tricked me.

-How so?

With correct legal process?

-[ Scoffs, laughs ] I've killed people.

-I know.

-I'll kill you.

-So you keep saying.

But it wouldn't make any sense.

[ Laughs ] You're right.

I'm not supposed to shoot you.

But I don't care.

[ Gunshot ] [ Glass breaks ] [ Breathing heavily ] [ Thuds ] -[ Sighs ] -Thought I'd missed.

-[ Sighs ] -You all right?

-Are we safe?

-Yes.

-[ Sighs in relief ] Did you -- She?

I told you it was her.

-The air raid?

-It's over.

-So we can leave?

-As much as I hate to admit it, it's probably for the best.

-Then, you owe me 50 quid and a gun.

[ Gun clicks ] -You got change of 1,000?

-I'm assuming you're good for it.

-He gave me two-to-one on dying.

-You bet against yourself?

-It's the best way of making sure it didn't happen.

-You can send it to my barracks.

Those two know the address.

-No one's going to believe me.

-That's because you're not going to tell them.

-Come on, darling.

Ad usum Delphini.

-Wonderful meeting you all.

Huge fan.

Too-da-loo.

-God, he is such a wanker.

-I quite like him.

-So, what now?

-I ask you a question... in private.

-How much trouble am I in?

-That depends.

Tell me what you know about Bletchley Park?

-Bletchley?

-The reason your spy novel hasn't been published is because we have it.

-You do?

-We're trying to ascertain if its author has intimate knowledge of a classified project.

-I-I thought you were glorified tax inspectors.

-We're government employees, concerned with safekeeping matters essential to the war effort.

-You're spies?

-We're representatives of the security services.

-And you think that [chuckles] I'm in possession of state secrets?

-Are you?

-[ Laughs ] No.

No, good Lord.

No, I have -- I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

-If you cooperate, I can make all this go away.

-Can you take away my debts, placate the IRS and the Inland Revenue, then force the Americans to start paying my royalties again?

All I'm trying to do is earn a living.

Whatever you think I've done, I haven't.

Everything that I've ever written is just a figment of my imagination.

-[ Scoffs ] You've quite an imagination.

-Yes.

It's a curse.

-I can see.

You've left us with quite a mess to clean up.

-Oh, well, can I do anything to help?

-Go home, keep quiet, and if you ever get the call, remember, you owe us.

[ Door closes ] -Aren't you forgetting something?

-Hmm?

-The 20,000 pounds in your pocket?

-Caught red-handed.

-[ Laughs ] Can I?

-Be my guest.

Wiping gore off another man's face doesn't break any wedding vows, you know.

[ Chuckles ] Thank you.

-You saved my life.

Again.

I'm going to do something in return.

If I'm not mistaken, Rocco's still downstairs?

-Yeah.

Um...I think he's taken it badly.

-See if you can persuade him up here.

We need a witness... for the deed.

Once you've sold the manuscript, you can give me a commission.

-[ Stammers ] I-I don't know what to say.

-Thank you?

-Thank you.

[ Laughs ] -Go on.

Just hurry up.

Our two spies won't be happy if we're still here when the police arrive.

And take that off.

Rocco won't want to be reminded.

[ Footsteps depart ] Rocco?

Rocco?

-What are you doing?

-Looking for you.

What are you doing?

-I am giving Jun and Frankie some dignity in death.

-Oh.

-Did you shoot someone?

-It was that PC all along.

-[ Sighs ] She killed Jun and Frankie?

-Yeah.

-She's dead?

-Body's upstairs.

But we need to leave before the real police arrive.

-I'm staying here.

-That's a terrible idea.

God knows what you'll be blamed for.

-I don't care.

It's how it should be.

-What about the money?

-What money?

-Well, your money.

Frankie's money.

-What about it?

I've got no claim to it.

-Well, someone needs to see it goes to the right person.

Maybe Jun has a daughter?

-I, uh...

I hadn't thought about that.

-Sign on the line.

Address and name underneath.

-Thank you.

-I'm going to get a few things from upstairs.

I'll be back in a few minutes.

-You're not having my bag.

[ Chuckles ] -Just like that?

-Not quite.

[ Glasses clink ] You were right.

I've changed my mind.

-Hold that thought.

-What are you doing?

-Well, if you're going to start drinking, it'd be a crime to open your account with that.

See if you can find some soda water.

[ Liquid pours ] -Will this do?

-Hmm.

[ Chuckles ] -It won't kill you.

-It might.

[ Chuckles ] -We all end up dead.

It's just a question of how and why.

-[ Sighs ] -And whether we are drunk at the time.

Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Ah!

-Oh.

Second thoughts.

I -- I can't break the habit of a lifetime.

-No, go on.

Come on.

-Sorry.

-I can't change your mind?

-You know how stubborn I am.

-Ain't that the truth.

-I understand the money and the manuscript.

Why do you want to kill me?

Did I do something all those years ago?

-[ Scoffs ] [ Clicks tongue ] Too clever for your own good.

-Is that the point?

You want to punish me?

-You think too much.

What's more valuable than the last-ever Poirot novel?

Your last-ever book.

[ Scoffs ] Was it the fingerprint?

I decided last-minute to write you that message.

-Before you gave the envelope to PC O'Hanauer?

-[ Exhales ] She really is a copper, you know.

-I wondered.

-Nicked me for looting, but easily corruptible.

-Well, she must have trusted you.

-Hmm.

She loved me.

People are stupid.

-Up to a point.

-[ Groans ] -Once I'd acknowledged the awful possibility that you'd planned the whole thing, the truth was quick to unravel.

Even then, I wanted you to come up those stairs... -What have you done?

-...and prove me wrong.

Two pockets, two flasks.

I just swapped them.

-[ Groans ] -After you poisoned Frankie, you made a show of offering us a drink.

Like the writing in the blood, you wanted to be clever.

You overthought it.

-[ Coughs ] -Your insecurities undid you.

-[ Coughing ] -Like all of us.

-[ Coughs ] [ Groans ] [ Gasping ] [ Groaning in distance ] [ Static ] [ Air-raid siren blaring on record ] [ Coughs ] I'm sorry.

-I don't believe you.

-[ Gags ] [ Slumps ] [ Cries ] [ Exhales deeply ] [ Sniffles ] [ Footsteps approaching ] [ Siren continues blaring ] -I'm sorry.

-[ Sighs ] I don't know what I was thinking.

How could I kill the only thing in life I can truly rely upon?

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