Above The Noise

- What up world?

Myles Bess here, journalist, host, and someone who appreciates a brand-new pair of socks.

Oh, they make my toes so happy.

But you know what doesn't make me happy?

The negative thoughts in my head.

(thunder crackles) You know what I'm talking about.

You're texting your friend about something you think is really funny and then they don't text you right away.

And then you start spiraling.

Wait, are they mad at me?

Of course they are.

I made that joke about their pancakes looking like Richard Nixon.

I'm such a dork.

I don't even deserve friends.

(text dings) Oh, they texted me back.

Nevermind.

(phone clatters) It was just my mom.

(Myles sighs) So, that right there was me falling into some common thinking traps or as psychologists call them, cognitive distortions.

And when left unchecked, they can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression.

But the good news is just knowing about them can help you from falling victim to a negative thinking spiral.

So today we're asking, what are thinking traps and what can you do about them?

(record scratches) So thinking traps are cognitive distortions or types of mental shortcuts that our brains can take to help us process the world around us.

- It's a distorted way of thinking about either yourself or the world around you.

- [Myles] That's Dr. Ruth Smith.

She's a licensed therapist with a PhD in clinical psychology.

- So typically, there's a really strong focus on negative interpretations, like I said, of oneself or the world around you.

- And it's common for our brains to use these shortcuts all the time.

It's just the way our brains work.

One theory is that we're programmed for survival, and we've adapted a better safe than sorry mentality.

Like I'm talking, you hear a scary sound in the woods.

If you bounce immediately, you're more likely to survive and keep your genes in the gene pool.

Versus if you stick around to see what's up.

And if it turns out to be this scary thing, you're dead.

So thinking worst case scenario could just be a survival and defense mechanism.

But on the flip side, these shortcuts can also be real bummers to our mental health and wellbeing.

And fast forward to today, social media and texting can turbo charge these thinking traps.

Without hearing people's tones or seeing people's spatial expressions, there's just a lot of gaps to fill.

And over time, psychologists have identified lots of different thinking traps.

In fact, cognitive behavioral therapy, AKA CBT is primarily focused on dealing with them.

So while there are many different types of thinking traps, today we're gonna focus on these five.

All-or-nothing thinking, labeling, mind reading, negative filter, and the fallacy of shoulds.

First up, let's talk all-or-nothing thinking.

If your thoughts have the words like all, nothing, always, never, everyone, no one, that's a clue you might be thinking in terms of all-or-nothing.

With all-or-nothing thinking, there's no room for nuance.

Time to check out what's going on on TikTok.

Oh dang, it's 2:00 AM?

What?

I've been on my phone for five hours?

I was supposed to go to bed three hours ago.

I always do this.

I'm never gonna accomplish my goals.

You're not really able to see the middle ground or a more reasonable viewpoint.

Dr. Smith suggests asking yourself some questions to help you think more critically about your own thoughts.

- One question is, do I really have evidence that what I'm believing is actually true?

And you know, if there is some truth in there, you know, do I have the skills or the resources to shift the reality in front of me in the direction I want it to go?

- So a more balanced response to my doom scrolling situation might be.

What?

It's 2:00 AM?

(Myles sighs) This has happened to me before and it's not great for me to lose sleep while I'm using social media.

So I'm glad I'm noticing this problem and can do something to change it.

I'm gonna set an alarm on my phone so I know when to get off and go to sleep.

Now, labeling is a thinking trap that takes all-or-nothing thinking one step further where you actually put a negative label to yourself.

So in this case, you think, "I'm a loser for staying up too late on my phone."

When you label yourself negatively, it can really affect your self-esteem or confidence because you're thinking that some outcome was a result of an unchangeable quality about yourself.

You're a loser, you're dumb, whatever.

When in reality, maybe you just made a mistake and that mistake does not define you.

Next up, you've got mind reading.

It's when you think you know what someone else is thinking.

It's like when you pass someone in the hall and you wave at them and smile and then they don't wave back and you think that they're mad at you and you keep replaying every interaction that you've had with that person.

And you try to figure out, what did you do to offend them when maybe they just didn't see you or they didn't have their glasses on or maybe they were lost in a thought in their own head and didn't even notice you.

- One arbitrary behavior suddenly gets blown up in your mind.

And usually folks who fall into this trap, don't take time to question if that's really true or check the facts of that reality.

- So one thing that you can do to counteract this line of thinking is to ask yourself if there is some other reason for why that other person may have behaved in that way.

- The first step is to notice it and then really be willing to see it differently.

- And another big thinking trap is the negative filter.

This is exactly as it sounds.

When you focus only on the negatives and ignore all the positives, like focusing on that one negative comment you got on social media.

True confession, we do this all the time at Above the Noise.

All right, let's see what the people are saying about my latest video.

Great video.

I love this guy.

Your channel needs more subs.

Thanks for another informative video.

(record scratches) Good lord, you're boring, bro?

You're boring, bro?

You're boring, bro?

You're boring, bro?

You're boring, bro?

Dang it, did I just give you trolls some power?

No, we're not gonna do that anymore because I'm learning something from making this video.

- By asking yourself to search for evidence that goes against what you're thinking, the evidence will show up if you're willing to see it.

- Am I really that boring or is that just one bro's opinion?

I mean, all these other people liked my video.

I liked it.

Yeah, I did a good job on this video.

Well done, Myles.

Haters gonna hate and I can't do nothing about that.

Next up we're gonna talk about the fallacy of shoulds which sounds like the name of Timothee Chalamet's future band.

But actually, it's just a fancy phrase that means we're making up random rules we need to follow that aren't necessarily a good idea.

And this one is really tricky for me 'cause I know that there are things that I should be doing like eating healthy and exercising every day.

But the fallacy of shoulds happens when your shoulds are arbitrary or aren't realistic.

It's like if you're thinking in order to be a good friend I should respond to my friend's text right away, and then if I don't, I'm a bad friend.

And the next thing you know, you're setting your alarm to wake up in the middle of the night to check your phone to make sure that you didn't miss any text from your friends and blah, blah, blah.

And then it's not sustainable.

- When it's directed inwardly at ourselves, it can lead to feelings of guilt because ultimately, it's like I should have or I should be this.

So if I am not that, then there's something bad about me.

I did something wrong.

On the other hand, when it's directed at other people, essentially, what they should be doing for you or towards you, it can really lead to feelings of anger and frustration and resentment.

- Okay, so these are just a few of the big thinking traps.

There's a ton more.

And just recognizing them can go a long way in helping you become a better ally to yourself instead of your own worst enemy.

- These thinking traps, you know, in psychology we call them negative automatic thoughts, and the keyword here is automatic, meaning they seem to just arise out of nowhere and pop up in our minds and they're very habitual.

It's a habit.

So it being a habit means it takes time to shift it.

And so if it's something that you wanna change for yourself, just know that it's gonna take time.

Don't judge yourself when you find yourself falling back into negative thinking about yourself or about the world around you.

- Changing your thoughts is way easier said than done.

A big part of cognitive behavioral therapy is helping you evaluate your thoughts and providing you with tools on how to challenge them.

And one thing psychologists recommend is watching TV.

You heard me right.

Watch shows and identify when characters engage in these types of thinking.

And you can go one step further and come up with some alternative thoughts for them.

Recognizing these patterns in other people can make it easier to recognize it in yourself.

So given all this, I'm curious.

Can you think of an example of these thinking traps creeping up for you?

And before I go, I wanna give a big shout out to our partners at Common Sense Media and the Center for Digital Thriving, who we collabed with on this episode.

As always, I'm your host, Myles Bess.

Peace out.

(gentle music)